Newspaper Page Text
UST a minute," said the man at
the desk in a business ofllce as
caller entered the door.
"No hurry—finish your letter," was
Three or four lines of a letter were
written and the page thrown aside.
This occurred three times running be
fore the writer rose up with a swear
word and exclaimed:
"The maker of this ink is either a
acoundrel or I'm getting doty!"
"Won't it flow?" was asked.
"Flow nothing! It's been acting
this way for a week. I've started a
dozen tetters to him and they all
looked like this."
He picked up the sheet and handed
it out for inspection.
"I see," mueed the other.
"What do you see?"
"I see that your ink and your mu
cilage sit side by side like two fond
brothers on your desk."
"I see that you write with one part
Her Only Chance
•fTBHY does Mr. Seeker come here
£^1 so often, Helen?"
"He coines to see me."
"What are his intentions?"
"I don't know, ma?"
"Well, doesn't he know that he is
keeping other young men from paying
"I don't think he does, ma."
"Well, you know it, don't you?"
"No, ma. I haven't enough Imagi
nation to think out a fairy tale like
Why are you so glum, dear?
Jack made an awful threat last night when I Rejected him.
What? To shoot himself?
Oh, worse than that. He said he'd never propose to me again.
"Gonna hit 'im wit' dat snowball, Willie?"
'Sure, he owns de mortgage on me fiancee's house!'
"EVERY HAIR STOOD ON END.
All Was Explained
of the time and then change off to
"By thunder that must be it!"
"Stick to one all the time. No
charge for solving the mystery."
And the business man opened a
window and dropped the bottle of ink
out. He was going to stick to muci
N ECESS Ali INFO KMATION.
Professor, what preparation is
neoessary before diagnosing a pa
"No particular preparation? You
are, of course, perfectly familiar with
the schedule price of the different op
erations, so you just look him up in
Bradstreet's and find out how serious
an operation he can stand."
train was two hours late in
reaching Richmond Junction,
and when it was discovered
there that we must wait another thir
ty minutes for the eastbound express
a young man getting more and more
A Good Time Coming.
HE girls that are growing up
now will have one important ad
vantage over the young married
women of today."
"Their husbands will not be contin
ually telling them of the fine cooking
their mothers used to do."
"How do you know?"
"Because the cooks won't allow the
mothers of the coming race to stick
their noses into the kitchen."
A LEADER FOR SURE.
"I knew my boy was born to lead."
"Has he attained a high position?"
"Yes, I've got a letter from him
stating that he is now yell master of
his college class."
Little SI Corncrib: Say, Ma, wontcha git out a lot of Pa's gold bricks
so's I can play building blocks with 'em?
Mrs. Rambo—Speaking ob your husban, Mrs. Sambo, did he evah convey to you dat he done propose to
me befor' he married you?
Mrs. Sambo—'Deed he didn't tell me. He was so ashamed ob some ob de flngs he did dat I nevah In
sisted upon a confession.
OU don't s^em to be interested In
our advanced woman movement.
Don't you care for equality with
"No, I don't," returned the pretty
woman. "Why should I? I'm his su
perior now, and he knows it, so If I
gained the equality you seek I'd mere
ly surrender the advantage that I now
possess. No, ma'am, no equality for
me. I'm not unselfish enough for
that. I don't want to argue With man
1 want to control him."
"Dear, I Love You
1NG mo not the charms of Molly,
Thillis fair, nor Ethel Jolly,
Kate the witty, dimpled Dolly.
"Dear, I love you," so says Polly.
And I am content.
Molly's graces do not please mo,
Dolly's manner does but tease me,
Ethel's way could never seize me,
Frigid Phlllis sure would freeze me.
Let them go their ways.
"Dear, I love you," so says Polly.
That destroys my melancholy,
Really makes me feel quite jolly,
Each old maid must have some folly.
Polly is my parrot.
She Waited Ten Minutes
nervous appealed to the conductor
"Have you any idea when we shall
reach Buffalo, sir?"
"Not much, but I hope to make It
by ten o'clock this evening."
What do you think of these eugenic weddings?
I'd rather marry one of those rich old fellows with only one lung.
Teacher—Willi®, why did you stay
away from school yesterday?
Willie—I wuz sick, mum.
Teacher—Were you really sick?
Willie—Teacher, a feller ain't got
no other reason fer stayin' away from
Bchool these days.
"Great Scott! Not until ten o'clock!"
asked the young man.
"It may be half an hour earlier,
but I don't count on it. Anything
to hurry you?"
"I should remark! I was to be
married at seven o'clock!"
"And it's after seven now. Well, I
can't help it. You might telegraph
that the train is delayed."
"I'll have to, but what a mess! The
guests will be assembled, the girl in
hysterics and her father on his high
horse. I wouldn't have had this hap
pen for a thousand dollars^"
"No? Well, run in and telegraph."
The young man entered the office
and sent a dispatch, and just as we
were pulling out he received an an
swer. Several of us had overheard
the talk and knew what he was ex
pecting. He read the message twice
over and then laid it down on the
floor and arranged his overcoat for a
pillow and apparently went asleep.
Pretty soon the conductor came along
and picked up the dispatch and read
it. It was signed "Annie," and it
"Waited ten minutes for you and
then married Fred Davis!"
"That's hard lines," said the con
ductor, as he handed the dispatch
about, but the young man snored in
his sleep and smiled as he snored.
EVERYTHING HAS ITS USE.
Don't you hate the big snows?
Not at all when a fellow gets home
late these deep paths are a fine guide
to the front door.
COMES IN HANDY.
'And does this little boy belong to your crowd?"
"No'm we just use him to try the ice with before we go skatin'.
Tom sent me a brick by parcel post, but I got oven with hlmi
What did you do?
Passed the word along to a number of agents that he was figuring -on
taking out more life Insurance.
Mrs. Coldflatt—How can you look &o unconcerned when you know I
am shivering with the cold?
Mr. Coldflatt—But what can I do?
Mrs. Coldflatt—You might at least shiver, too.
A SLIDING SCALE.
Customer—What's the price of coal this morning?
Dealer—Excuse me just a second while step outside and look at tlw