Newspaper Page Text
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THE KANSAS CITY JOftNAL. SATURDAY. AUGUST 31, 1895.
--lkff I I I ! I I I " r; -
Tt I? tlnrlnc Hip Ifittrr part of Aiittut and
the 111 al of Stit. mlii r, nli n in. n-l- or
tnel t sotting t--twirl from Kiiropo
ilnil Utirlo Hum In bIii to hermit sharp
riiIirlntn of tlmi of hi? oautslilcrs who
lime liccii Piminirrlnt,' abroad
.More iiarlli ulirl) -lo tn hie an fr
to the 'k uotiinn Uuif tittnl lllli 1
jiofhe in norn ilelt will (iiiilni In the
xlini Unit liotdrr tin- Hue il- In PH or
JtPRi'tit stri Pt, mill Tor tlm tiitii'ltt of hH
tienum mnl In !. wit 'li Htiil nM
on tlifdo )okI1iIp Ktnlli" lawbreaker he
etniilii. on )iU Mnir of riiptom inpit torn
ftKiit union, of which niiinbir ntu or two
nrp nlunMt on hnlnl lo erret cer forclith
tinMtiRfr Mmiiifr nrrlMnK tn tin- ioit of
Apu Yolk. Hut Hip work of then' Inspect
ripxps I nimli of tlie time mm- tornmlltv,
for wliPtllPI tin aiiKP roiifrlenept Itio ti'n
ilpr, ilultrn llulitPr or thp ilntiKom mnl i n
iiltlp of niniiRullnjr too hciiw to Im rli-kul,
florin nt pmllng the custom, by woiupii
lit least, are lens n til less fieiiuent.
"There, for t tnniplo, nrp otir nM friends,
till' llti'KMllllketS," Sllld tltlP Of till' tlllUt I'X-
Jierlmciil liii i tt i fS' -i on thr New York
lorcc, ii trimly kowiipiI mnl bonnt ted,
1 1 ti nil the air of mi expectant woli online
frlpnd or rplntlM of some homo coniltii:
ji8piiRir, she nunltfi n ship on one of
tlii North rler dot k "Hitler experience
Iiiih ttuiclit tin in muml'ilon. Once and
tiRitlti wo have trcnblp with a M'titurosotne
lioily, Iiut tho lown IniM' licpn so seerr
of imp that smuirKllnff no Inner pn, nml
lietiwcn thp modlKtts of Npw York nml
I'.irls n new sjsti'tn of purcli.isltu; mnl
uhltitilnK has bi'in Intro lured
"Nouiii1i.ni the fii'hlniiRlilo American
ilres'inakem undertake rurtlj more thun
onp trip n tnr nhioinl The Trench Iioiimh
(etui oxer l poM samples of KOnd, pit
tptni, ctP., ncleetlons lire made, mnl then
lpcul.ir intents miitmce the dnllciilo nnd
(liinRPtntiH litixInssH of .lilppim,-, lirinclm;
tuts kooiih to tno urp'mnnKers' eiy uoor
nt onp-thIM thu cxpenso und worry the
u&cd lo lia e.
"The fnvorlto srliemo for KettlnR thronph
the li.tmN of custom olllcers chenplj It
to prci-nt filp nri'ounts of piirohnics
mndi'. 'I hep bills nre obllKlnKly made out
In the 1'arlslnn houspi, i;ll!t: the roil of
the Roods iinpoitcil nt oiu-hnlf of the true
julpp, but thp cutom house Is npt lo Keep
hlupwdly Informtd ns to how the Importers
"J'rotesslonnl packers, who ro from house
to house mid stiop to shop. prepurliiR the
delkiite Rouns and hits for exportation,
ate u pt to rIm Inform itlon, besides there
lite government watchers ever on the ukrt,
nnd before the artful little modiste ever
ro.ichts her native bhores with her modest
accounts and nut explanations, a prett
fair estimate of lici Roods Is nlreadj in
our hands. So, nfter nil, when fashions
chmiRe so rapidlv, when teats and leRal
jiroeesges have bten proved weannc nnd
not useiul, the dressmaker has almost suc
cumbed to the inevitable.
"What we are chiellj- watchliiR for now
nre the small attempts of private Indivld
ti ils, who think It the sliRhtest of sins
to cheat their own rov eminent Women
who walk down the canpplank home from
their llrst o.iRe, wlio nave bien rcRaled
bv their fellow pasveiiRers by aitful tales
of smtiRslInK tricks discovered and treas
ured possessions cruellv conllscated, are
apt to look anxiousl) about for the dreaded
Hut thit draRon Is not so casilv recos
nled, for women do not ixamlne the Iiir
ItaRe, unless especially requested, and she
x ho Rets throliRli the customs olllcers most
rapidly Is bllssfull unconscious the while
that ii keen-e.ved motherlv IooKIiir person,
xv ho stood near the RaiiRplank, looked every
xv omnn tiaveler over with a searching
Rlniice. Plr.st, the fates, then the tlKUies
mid lastly the expiesslon of all those neat,
tallor-m ide petticoats, underwent the
Vpi as women walk about on the dock, I
KreelinR Irlendu mm looktnR ultor iub
R.iRe, the survelllaine Is continued, foi
the clever Inspect! ess Is a bit of n mind
rcadei, eirs ot experience havo tniiRht her
just how skirts should Inns; and bodices
tit, when thi'ie are no superfluous under
Raiments worn, and practice has cultivated
in her so Ioiib a nunioij for names and
laces that at a pinch she could almost
tell how man vovaRes evil) woman has
made, her name, the dates of sallliiRs and
leturns and a list of the friends who mvv
her oil each time on tho dock and wel
comed her return.
All these qualities come Into play when
no infoimatlon or warning has been lodged
at-.ilnst ti av Piers and the lnpecties-s call
only be put on her RUard bv susplc Ion.
linmidlntel) any doubts of an individu
al's honesty are cherished a watch is kept
on ner tin an ner iuj,gaRe is exanuncu
and about to be carried out, then the In
hpoctiess, with all the manner of an old
filend, ucalllriR heiself to the travelei t
recoRnltlon, steps up Uintl), mo.il in.
couraRliiBly, she asks is madam sure, quite
sure she has not overlooked an) thins in
liei declaiation. As she talks, she lavs her
hand on madam's arm, liiiRers lightly her
skliti-, watches her faco and can Jude In
a moment whether an lnteivlcw In the
doik olllce would bo advisable If the trav
eler Is a t)ro at muurrIIiir. buininR
Mushes, a Rush of tears mid a full confes
sion In elRht ca.sis out of ten reward tho
lns-ipctres-s, for tears shake a woman's
net vi s so she can no lonbcr keep her s-e-ciet
The favorite articles for concealment nre
breadths ot I'ttlnh silk, that ta kid to
Rcther foiiu a shatn under pettlco it, rIovcs
s wid Into tin back breadths of walkins
skills, Kio laid liusli'fve llniiik's, or ttiaj
hap u Leautlfiil altar cloth, as was
broiiRht lo llsht the other da), Is dlscov
eied sewed In the side panel of a Milt
sklit i'toinpt repentame is Rood for the
mjiiI of the amateur stmiRRlcr and the kov
ernment deals Rcntl) with sui h sinners.
If thi pa) the- dut) nt once on the aitl
cle touml. no ono outside that prlvato of
Ilce need bo an) tho wiser fur the sclure,
and It has been found that a woman
i night In tho Hist attempt laril) repinth
the oliense. Hut a llrt success entourage.-,
them In future sinning, and satin times
even the liu-jiectois ate coolly outwitted
every teaeon by tho came fair lawbreak
ers. Now the" averago woman Is more sorely
tmipled of all thiiiRs to bu lace abioad
mid lam ininmands sllll a high duty One
risouneful Nivv Yolk woman merely did
lie! Ilflien )anK of old Valfni lennts up 111
n carelcsM looking paper pateel and ni til
dll) Rtive It to tiiu kindly inspector to hold,
xvhilo she cluildated the pioblem of her
liuntt locl:. lifteil the ti.tii. In inndirl
display of all her possessions, icloikedl
the boxe- and usumed her llitlo parcel
fiom ihe man who had absent-mindedly
held it all tho while, the one dutiable- utti
tlo sho had bioiight over.
All women, however, nre not ns nstute
ns thit! ingenious Ann than nml those of
her slsteis who have btouglit unset Jewels
lliioiigh in the tiilxri of their ke) s, the
pliiggril f ot of a lltilo bronzu Venus.
vYoinen lesldcnts of tho Quakei fliy havo
a passion for buying costl) Scotch limn
on tho othi r side, ami aiu often detecteil
in tho uci of -mugglliu It thiough free- of
Hpeently n fat I'hlladilphl m xvas trim
tiled, b) two klmll) lu-.pi ill esses, nut nf
tho lino of t,.iiiKuy passeneeis, to bo
ielovnl of something llko twents-flvo
poiiuds of build ricon h limn, plnueil ami
wiapptsl about her plump, pcrsplriiirf pci
ton The hi at mnl wilKhl of the linen had
almost bioiight on an apopleitlc lit, mid
not on!) did she not tofuso to pay tho
duty, but uniml) thanked tho Inspecl
ri'tse'S tor lelloving litr of her hurdcit In
Tho Phllulelplilnn's t.iso was Just par
iillelul by tho tllly attempt of u majistlc
old Creole 1 idy to overawe Ihn bcrvants
ot undo nam ny ner seveio tuaik eyes and
splendidly nompadouuil white hair, but an
Hit-1 view- in
fein;0- ' -
K sled, and from out that voluminous
Koi til ami wen stuiicii skirt of madam a
i nun iicail) To) Minis of veiv Hue- Lire
"'.;, t'i, i,,i ' i,r " ,"""''," , &u''"
gtiiiua as she had showed foi storing so
much under her petticoats deserved tt ,
higher rewaid than discovery,
mil tvvu sllvur bun lion dishes. Such
the iiujustest subterfuge, however, of
xvoiuauklnd, Is. when not biave enough to
attempt earDliu- things through them-
husbands' clotlus und stulf obtdlent ima.
n'i j".N.i,'v' hivob huuMo atuuiiK iiiiir
pockets Willi tmbioldiled lliindkerclllefa
and gloves. Tho project Is to have tho
lo)al soul empty his pockets Into those of
a relative waiting on tho dock, i
Once a husband's kindly patience caused '
a touching llitlo denouement In that same
private olllce- rihu was a thin, nervous lit.
tie person fiom Huston, whose gentlo
biown c)es actually glared with unmsy
tciroi behind her glasses as she came down
tho gangplank, and he was a tall, thin, do-1
die American husband, who walked like
rt major riti ril on dress pirndc, thouch
his nnotnrr 1 rxpn sim mu h lel il his
martini bcarlni! Hln wns silipo le 1. tnit
In r liiRRiiRt' wnt throilKli and when the
Inspn tn s ndv n i d and mnde her sti rpo
t.vpid Impilrv in soli inn lours, llostn s
itauMhti r ill hit I so r mndi) that alt was
well with lit-r pin, w is pi rfottu lit go.
Hardly were nil the p.isspncrrs rtlsmlptl
whin the little lid hup surrlnt; bnk,
drnttRPd tho mspctliss Into the otlli
burst Into a Hood of tuirs and owned up
that her stout Npw Ihiglainl tralnlnp had
reasserted Itself nnd she wished to confps
t tint on i xmnlti.it Ion tth jiirdu or rich
tlowcreil 1.ons silk would be found wound
Unfitly around her liiislnnd's body. The
obedient Rentleman was taken oIT b nti In
stipi lor, tillevcd of his stralRlit Jn Ket that
the wife that mnrnltiK hud persuaded him
to assume for her sake, und on piijlnir tills
consclelico debt the pair went otr with tlRht
hpnrts in spile of llRhlrr pursps. Now the
truth of It was this worm of a husband,
through the piln nnd siilToiatlon of his
load, hud IhrentPiiPil to faint outside the
ships i ovcied pli r, a bit of roiiJiiK.il row
had cnsuul, his white f a P and leptoachps
llllpil hir really Ipinlrr heart with fpurs
and slu rippntantl) pild thp duty chnrucs
out, of hir own little allownnce
Men who succeed rarely bellev In luck.
When a man arts from Impulse, what he
dots may bo unwise, but It Is fielicrally
A woman's patience Is tho dealest orna
ment of a home
(lenlns Is the most misused word In the
Nine- out of ten moil who rise suddenly
show- their unfamllltiirlty with tho alti
tude. Women regard marriage as a goal; men
look upon It as n steppltiR-stone.
A bachelor Is a monument erected by n
woman to commemorate a dead hope.
Influence Is something every man desires
and when ho obtains It wishes to avoid,
Opportunity genoiall) comes well dls-
Vice Is never more alluring than when
wearinR the oloak of tnorallt).
Content ban l'obbed moro men of creat
ness than hiiK defeat
Disappointed vive not n,? Plcn,:flnt ns
the other, but III Is Rinerally more lasting.
Some people give alms to beggars so that
thev may lcil .ilsclllsh satisfaction In the
act. . .
A fool's folly Is never noticed; ever)body
1'ame Is what we think of other people;
opinion is what other people think of us
When a husband nnd wife qunrrel there
are alnajs people read) to keep the ball
rolling, .... j
When a man brags that he Is self-made
ho forgets to apologise for the poor Job.
Ambition is a pinnacle that men can
climb to or Jump from.
WhPii a man succeeds he takes the credit
to himself; when he fails he blames othci.s
Answers to the Autumn 1'oer.
"The skv Is changed " It must be, yes.
"And rcio leaves fall" The) taut tlo less
"The llpened corn Is stacked" Ot course
"And fruit to nnrki t gone." l'erforce.
"l'hp scented hn) Is mown." It Is.
"Anil dn)s giow short " We've noticed this.
"Tin. i-i.iplni!- all Is keen" oh. tuie!
"And sportsmen take the field" They do
"While wild ducks Mutter." Out of sight'
"And smoke ftom sedge-llto floats." That's
"Sweet singing birds are mutt'." Agreed.
"And chestnuts lain " Oh Jen; Indeed'
".Majestic autumn broods." Tint's so
Now tell us something we don't knew
Madelino S. Hrldges.
Golden Ktilo Proverbs.
Listening Is born ot loving
A genial man is a man of genius.
Woids that come from high go far.
Oood example runs; bad example flle
Christian lovo Is diamond; carnal lovo Is
All the arts beautiful center In a beauti
ful f-ii e
Our best Rift to C3od Is the best receiving
of God's gifts to us.
It Is the sprouting seed that needs the
watering, and the beginner's deed that
needs tho praise.
Pirst age Sees the earth.
Hrcontl age Wants it.
Thitd age Tries to get It.
rourth age Concludes only to take a
laige plecp of It.
I'lfth ase Is still more modeiate In his
.sixth age Decides to be satisfied with a
very small section.
Seventh age Gets It. Judge.
A Corn i lion.
Although my pa a JIner vvuz,
An' kep' the nails a-JInglin',
He didn't do It all, beciw
My mother did the shlnglln'.
Ta said he was tho whole blamed ship.
The malnst.rv an' tho anchor;
Hut then, I think he made a slip,
'Cus mother niu tho spanker.
WISH AMI OlIIIlliWIHi:.
When some poor fellow, long ago
I'nfrlendetl and alone,
Now makes a big succiss, he's met
Jiy all the trie-nils he known,
And. ere they reach out for his hand
Hi fore they can get to It
Each one ciies out, with laughter loud;
"Old man, 1 said )0u'd do it!"
"I think I will take a holiday the next
three weeks," temurkul the secretary and
treasurer of a pilvato company to the
chat! man ihereof.
"Hut )ou returned ftom ono only two
"Tiue; that was my holiday as secretary;
I wish to go now as treasuicr." Tld-Wis.
Silly "What a slllv smile vounc- I'reddv
Lusher has on his llpa this evening!"
Chape lone "Yes; he has been putting too
many smiles between them."
Visiting nistor "What would vou llk-e m
w nne'ii 3iu kiciiv llll .
Host's Mliall bOV "I'll like tn be il
"Would you re.ill) ?"
"Yes, sir. I'm awful fond of good cat.
lldltor "Yes, wo havo a, vacancy for a
soiiety icportir; tint what especial quan
titations do jnu possess-'"
Appllt int "I have no education and was
two )eaia in tho dress department of a
dr) goods moil-."
IMitoi "Consider )oursclf engaged."
Harlem I.lfo; "You will havo to glvo tne
nnother loom," said a visitor to tho hotel
"What's the matter? Aren't you comfort
able wheio )ou aie '"
"U'tll, not exact!). Tint Herman mu
sician in tho next room uul I don't gi t
ulon,; well. Last night he looted away on
his tlailouot so that 1 thought I would
never get to pltep. Alter t had caught :i
few winks I was awakened by u pounding
on my door 'What is the matter," 1 asked,
'of ) on bli ase,' said the German, Mat )ou
vould shnnro of der same key. You vas
fiom b Hut to a, und It thpolls der mu.
favorite dainty was blood
Caesar Hoigla has a library of works re.
latlng mostly to art.
.Superior, Wis., lias a policeman who
1 .J'' DV'U'Ti..;... in "hirMockhlg fVit
ami weighs SJJ nouinls.
ci,ai. i. -,i.,., i i, ,i t,i..h
and tho people refyso abs
the- patients removed to
Troops ute, called to lestor
and the ntonle refuso abslut.-lv in i...0
to niu jiosnuais.
A lAAiillnir tn lnnol rvrnnnlnlnni T .
charlotte htull, ot Mlddlelon, Conn., celel
brated her Wth birthday recently by wulk.
ng eight mlleb In two Iiouis. "
It costs 5100,000 a )tar to keep up the
Hols de Houlogne, but from JI0,eH to $S0,
uOO is derived from tho paik itbclf and
fiom the laee-couise, itstauimts and pri
vate houses In it.
Paris has given up tho idea of Instruct.
lug its school children In
inn municipal council nas uisu
battalions ami onteiid the guns and renin.
inuiis sold at auction.
Probably tho largest number of men
ever employed in the building of a single
ship are now nt work upon the Ilrlllsh
Imttlcshlp Mngnlflccnt In the ( hntham
dock nrd. There nro 2,000 mechanics on
the pay roll.
Jules Flmon's- real fnmlly nnmp Is
Bulfsp, which, In Trance, Is equivalent
for conclergp When, his first hook came
out Victor Cousin ndvued him to drop It,
ns no nun could hope for fame with such
.The first private carriage lighted by
elcetrltity w-as that of the lord m.i)or of
Iondon twelve )etirs ago. The German
rmppror, tho Prince of Wales nnd ome
others now havo thorn, but they aro by no
Sir Mitirlee luft Gordon, rtirl , whoe
motticr translntcil Itnnke Into Ilngllsh, an l
whose grandmother, XIr Sarah Austin,
wa- onp of the first tnnslators of slntul
nrd Get man work. was lined for being
ilnink and disorderly In a London restau
"t don't understand this bill, Mr ICft
trrer. I do not rrtnemlier ortlcrlng any ke
orentn from )ou."
"It wn.s nt Mr. Walklns' rpcepllon,
ma am. Vou and jour daughters nte a
quart The Wntklhps hnve been umble
to pnv the bill, nnd I'm Irving to colli t
It of those who rcall) got the sturf." Har
per a Hazar.
Mr. L'rbnti "Why Is H tint you countrv
people chin ge so much more ror lioard
than He have to pay In the city"
Mrs. IJnsllnge "I,n, me! What a ques
tion. In the ilty, the lmidln' house kc. p
ers has plentv ot markets, but luri we
hnvt- to raise over) thing.'' New York
Why should there be itch a terrible com
motion her mso a mpmber of Lord Sails
bur)'s cabinet splls milk?
Ijord St ifford mined for coil and salt,
The lJuko ot Notfolk dealt In malt,
Tho Dougl us In red herrings
The Ioulsvllte Courier-Journal prints a
sensatlonnl artb le about the czar of ltus
sla mistreating hl wife, In the course of
which It s.ijs "flitcc limes the crirlnn
burst Into teirs nt the breakfast table mil
hurried nvvii), leaving the despot of Itus
fla to think how cleverlv he wa.s taming
her." This Is a Rros Injustice to tho car
Ina, who Is a woman of spirit. As a mat
ter of fact, the joung couple have had but
one dllllculty. One Vtondn) the crnr made
sneering ri marks about a "washdnv din
ner,'' and the c?arln.t Informed him tint he
could eat downtown or hire a cook, Just
as he chosex Since that he bus nm hm! n
captious word to utter. Indianapolis Sen
tinel. Jarhy "I don't think you ought to chargu
mo so much lor tho use of this blc)clo
to-d.i) ns jou did the lust tlmo I hired It."
Hlc)cle tlenlei "Why not. You had It
Just as long "
.Ia?by "1 know that; but r rode only forty-seven
miles to-dn) and I made eighty
two miles on It the- last day 1 had It."
"Never!" exclaimed tho ttomp. "You
can't Bet in uny of )our deadly work on
With a savage resentful glare at tho
woodpile ho hide the hlii-tl girl keep her
old pork and beans, Detiolt Tribune.
When a woman gets a swelled head sho
has the advantage ot a man, she can let
her hair down nnd we.ir tho same hat.
New Yolk Mail und Hxpress.
An Afterthought. He "I never saw any
thing like this tide. Here I've been null
ing steadily for ten minutes and wo don't
seem to have- moved a fool."
"I'o (afti r n pause) "Oh Mr. Stoker,
1 just thought of something' The an
chor fell ovcrboml a while- ago and I fot
got to tell ou. Do )ou suppose it could
have caught on something ."New lork
Grant "Can It be possible that Hawkins
Is In love with that fat glrH Why, she
weighs fourteen stone, nt least"
llobbs "No, I don't believe he's In love.
He's Just Infatuated." London TId-UIts.
Ada "Do jou think the word 'obej-'
should be omitted ftom the marriage serv
ice?" Ida "Omitted? Certainly not! It should
mutely be transrotretl to the other party
to the contract." New York Journal.
Simplicity of Silence Student "I le.arn
that theie are cases In which people have
hid from childhood 'in uncomtoi table dc
slie to tat soap. What is the- cause of
Learned professor "They ore the victims
Student "Cm! What does sappessoma
Le lined professor "A desire to eat
oap." New Y'ork Weekly.
Americans are bom free. New York
World Well, what has that to do with
If The) go right off and get mairled as
soon as they aio old enough. Cleveland
Max: Nordau Insists that the world Is
not growing bettei, but It seems to be
getting wiser. In Hngland one person In
ll,0i)0 now goes to law, as against ono In
eveiy u.ooo in in::j.
"Is this drinking water''" asked a strang
er In Kentiii k)
"No'n deed, sah," replied the colored
man who was standing b) the spring.
"Dai's Jes' vvashln' watah. Dah aln' no
scch t'Ing or. dilnkln' watah." L'xchansO
A solemn calmness steals nround,
A dread o'ei comes the soul,
When In my pocket's depths I sound
And on!) find a hole.
Hut still this consolation's left
To cheer the dioonlug soul
That tho' of all things else beicft,
1 cannot lose the hole,
Patient "The heat Is so oppressive, doc
tor, I feel like committing suicide."
Doctor "Oh, Ui.u would never do. As I
said before, my friend, what )ou need Is a
"I have nevei )et heard Hunklns say n
kind word about an)bod)," rcmaikcd the
"Neither have I," was tho response.
"He's worse lor i mining people down than
a trolley car." Washington Star.
"Thar Is tho place whar the mnjor fell
through tho Ice."
"How tlo )ou know?"
"Lasy enough. .lest look at that cork
float In' junder!" All inta Constitution.
Church "I see Mayor Strong takes tea
Gotham "Ves. but thev don't seem to be
able to maku hint take water." Yonkers
"Villain!" sho hissed. "Deep dyed vil
lain1" Tho tattooed m in looked hurt. "Indeed,
ma'am," said he, "I hasten to assuro jou
that It U only Kkln deep." Indianapolis
Upon Ptnelon telling nichelleu that ho
bad seen the poitialt of his eminence nt
tin palace, the cardinal nieerlnglv asked
"Did vou ask It for a subscription for some
poor friend of joins'"
xo; uie picture- was too mucn like jou."
"I'm glad j'ou came," said the mosquito;
"I have li.en nearly worked to death"
"Well, vou can get a good rest now,"
said tho II). "I'll tako tare of him till he
gets jcady to got up." Indianapolis Jour
ti.il, The proportion of clergymen, physicians
and Uwjt-tH among our native population
is about double that among foreigner!- res.
Ident In this eountiy. Chicago Ittcc.-d,
Judgo "H.is tin- prisoner anything to
say ill Ids defense?"
Pilsoiu-r "If j on please, your honor, I
was left an orphan nt an early age ami
had no idinatloii to spmk of. My mother
did as lar bai k as '70 "
Judge "Yam mother died In '70 and you
said you weio Jil,'"
Prlsoiu r "Your honor is right. Your
honoi may havu guessed It I was a
posthumous child." Judge,
"Come on, uncle, If jou want to cntch
this tutln "
"How long do It take ills train to go,
"This Is the express train, Ono hour,"
"llow long do It tako do ncx' train to go,
sah ."' ,
"Accommodation. Two hours,"
"Den I lake ih ncx train, sah."
And he turned away lo remaik to those
standing by: "Dese big tarpoiatlous ain't
gwlne to git ahead of mo; 'deed dey ain't,
l'so gwlnn to git do worf of in) money,
1 l," Judge,
"Yes," sighed tho virtuous grocer, "It Is
really too bad." The honest blood coursed
thiou'h his veins and lit up his kindly
face. He bent down and looked Into a In.
ket Intentl), while a suddtn spasm passed
over him. "Yes.'' he repealed, "It is too
bail," and ho pli ked the egg out of (he- baa.
ket inarkeil 3i cents .uul uently
lieu n ami iiiusu jor ;o. triitn,
I'uek: Mean -Ihk Mike (Imllgnnntly)
"S ot tier yer nn. liy goin' uir Imailu' 1111
biscuits and pastry arc the result of using
the proper baking powder.
is proper in price, ingredients and strength.
$i,oootoyou if you find anything impure
or unwholesome in it.
Ajttnph of it hn power cnonth to ifo a ponnil of Je.ivcnnjf,
CALUMET BAKING POWDER CO., CHICAGO.
Say To Your Laundress-
" trj in? linen tlsrebtJ -tith
Kingsford's Oswego Starch."
you'll llko tho result nnd slio'll uio no other. 'Lnnni1ro' tho perfect
cold witer starch. Two other excellent, brindi nre KHmMontN "Mlvor
S ! nnd "I'urc," You'rosuro to bo nitlstlinl with nny of them, nnd with
KIurord's 0vvcgo Coru (Starch for puddings, custards, blauc niango, etc.
FOR SALE BY ALL FIRST GLASS DEALERS.
Big Scenic Production,
A BOWERY GIRL!
SUNDAY MAT. si:rT. 1.
JOKN BTAPLiBTON OO.
.managi:.vii:nt nusrAVi: ritoiurAN.
TH ST. opera
nATTIE VICKERS In
This Kvenhif; nml ntiirtliiy Matinee.
T,,ncX,rm, BIRDS OF A FEATHER.
FIRST TIDEJ HE3K.B3.
is nn abiolute necessity of tho refined toilet
in this cllmito. I'ozzovt's combines every
element of beauty and purity.
A I Irst CIhrs, Itespnctubl' Comfortable
lloinn 111 New York.
Thousands of people would like to spond
a week In New York, but the Brand hotels
are too csponslvo nnd the cheap ones are
too cheap. Mr, Tilly Ilnjnes, of Hoston,
has leaded the Kreat llrnmlvviiy Ct-ntrnl llo
til in the heart ot the city, on the most
favorable terms; has expended over one
tmmitaii nml nftv thousand dollars In an
entire reconstruction ot the property nnd Is
running it ns .1 llrst-class. ftrcat, popular
lamuy nouse on tne .imc-ucim uuu i.uiu
pean plans, similar to what has proved
m phenomenal a succes nt the United
States Hotel, Hoston. The location Is ex
cellent; tho rable cars on Broadway reach
eveiv faMiIon.ible store, theater and at
traction of the city, and transfer .with nil
cros-town llne, r'.ichlni? every station,
dock and ferry in town Guests arriving at
Grand Central depot, forty-second street,
can take fourth avenue street cars direct
to Ilond stiei't, one block in front of the
hotel. Send for clrculais and maps.
Demands Cleau, Pure Laundry,
Such as you get from tho
Silver Towel & K. C. Towel Co.,
A. C. 1 UI.KllltSON, l-rop.
Tin; on, that r,tiiiittcATKS most is
MILL MAMJ1AGTUKKD 11V
VACUUM OIL GO.
lint to buy It and you will est it la Its
orlulnal packages bo to
STANDARD OIL COMPANY.
and Hardware Co.
ItKl'IIf FOR CRAKTRK OAKN.
GOLD MEDAL, paris exposition, 1830;
AID THE CHICAGO EXPOSITION AWARD.
THE MOST PERFECT OF PENS.
flo harmony If dls little camp by hlttln'
.i)iy Hours on tie litad will u couplln
Wtary nnpsles (hotly) "Well, I stooil
nil ouse fi-llers klililln' me about me
uhUUeri). but ulien ho iali I lookeil llko
KuvetiBull. ikit yoa more dan flesh an'
blood cud btart"
Judges "Come on, uncle, It you want to
catoh thN train.".
"How loni; tio It take ilia train to so,
"This Is tho express train, Ono hour."
"How Ion? do it take the uex' train to t'O,
"Ai'oonimoiiatlon. Tno hours."
"IK n I taku de nex" train, nail."
Am! lie turned uway to remark to those
standing by; "Pese big corp'ratloiis ain't
Kwluo to sit ahead of me; 'deed dey ain't.
l'e Blno to Kit de worf of my money, I
Detroit Free Press: "Say, mister," ho
called with hL head Jn tho door of u
Michigan avenuv grocery, "do jou o.vn u
"Ves, I own a Jiorse," replied the grocer,
as he looked up from his paper.
"And a waKOn?"
"Ves what of it?"
"Nuthin' 'cept you are mistaken about
tho w.t;on," drawled the boy, "Vour hoss
took a skate down the street about tivo
mlnlts ago, and there ain't 'nulf ot that
thero wagon K'tt to make a club of,"
Sho refused met I'd hoped I had won in
It rankled me, rather;
I'or there was another man In the case
And that was her rather.
ll rntli.r v .1,1 . ubn T nVo.l him
..v. ....... --.,.. , .... . .... .......
I'd asked if he'd any objection to me.
ALL OPERATIONS GUARANTEED
Over 200 TcBth Extracted Daily. NO
PAIN OR DANGER. Artificial Teeth
warranted to Kit Perfectly. Decayed
and aching teeth. If north it, filled and
725 MABN STREET
ALTMAN. KAULBACH& CO.. Prcni.
Fac Similo of the Cenuinc.
The Purest and the Best.
W, 8. Claims, Pres, J. W. Diunrr. Btc.
A.. A. Tohlinsoh, V. Prea. C. It. Hockwell, Trtu
09 KANSAS ClttY, HO.
X5W TOKK LITE BUILBISO.
Acconnts, subject to check at
sight, received from inclividiiuls,
Hrni3 and corporations on tha
most favorable terms.
Legal depository for Court ar.d
Acta as Executor, Guardian,
Administrator ami Receiver,
also as Registrar and Transfer
Aceut for Stocks and Honda.
Famous for Its health elvlne water. An
Ideal cummer retort. Cool breezes from
the pine covered mountain. Iieautlful
scenery. Fine hotel Wrlm to Georea M.
Walker, proprietor "The Alanslons" and
the "Manitou House" (or rated and oth.r
AT THE FOOT OF PIKES PEAK.
vi "" u, ...... uul... a. r.w-
r. T.Vl'I.L-l AND L.XV'
IL, .til. Ck. ..... .. ..L...
nllAnpn nnrf tvi.niA.ni....iTini.ii
UUIIIIUV UUIIV 11 ultcuio aim llttaH
,1 111111,1.. 11,,!
.,..- ..ww. -j-
919 Walnut Street,
. '- "-"H
t t- '
g Clairette Soap is an
they ever used. Try
- n'i it v "i j. . ?vm ft t n
-i'ltriBiH ' rejeTiiia t scs
Tlfct5! f "' &i
Sold everywhere. Made only by
THE N. K. FAIRBANK COHPANY,
1 m; most htr:cr.isrci.
i hi: ii.Mii mki.ixt
For Cntnlncufi unit trrms utlilriiia Col.
wenfwort!; SUlilifary Academy,
Oldest IVIIIitary School in Missouri.
CATAI.OGCi:? hnT ON ltUUUl.vr. Aildrnm
SANDFORQ SELLERS, M. A Supt Lexinglon, M;
LETTERS, A1USIC, ART, ELOCUTION
and PHYSICAL CULTURE.
VOR CATAi.oour:, addhess
Ai'reibncrlan HOME SCHOOL for Younis I,a(llt.
Vacuity ull Specialists Klecant locality Modern ip
polntmentt 9limlc, Art, Llorntloii, I'liyiili'ul llult-
urn. 36th r.ap nnpns S.nL S. Par llhlstratpd n.tt.i.
Rov, T, P. Walton, Cox 92G, Lexlnnton, Mo
UnivcrsHy of ilic Stale of Missouri.
Has department"! of I.amruace. Science,
IHston, llconomlci, I'luIo-.ophy.l'edTKosj,
Law, iledlclni', ltiKliii'erltiK (clill electri
cal, niechanlc-il), Agriculture, Horticult
ure, IJntomology, Veterinary Science and
Mechanic Arts all at Columbia, Mo. In
struction Is given In .Military Tactics nlso,
and In Stenosranhv and Huslncss Forms.
New g)mn.iMum for men nnd another
for women, with b.ith tub nnd lino equip
ment, ltest athletic grounds in the state
The director ot the Kjninaslum Is an ath
lete and .i doctor of medicine
All departments open to womnn l'eos
small. Campus contains 10 building-), sup
plied with water, steam heat ami elec
tricity New greenhouse nnd l.iboralon of
horticulture, botany and emombIo' Ntw
laboiutorles for phslolos, bicterlology
and patholoij In tho medical ilepnrtment
Hqiilpnitnt lor sclentlllo und tt'Lhnlcal
work nil new rift-nlne professors and
Instructors In the whole unlverslt) Ill
uminations for entrance begin at Colum-
lil.i SivTirnmliT" B 1K0,
re1p?ersca.He!,, a"p'5' your 5enator or
Tor catnlORiie, address J. W. Monser.
Tho School of Mines and Metallurgy, at
nolln. Is a department of the university
JUcbfrradoI DBllHatulCluSBlci ISihonl I.Utntrj Mu
lc, Art('oure. CcrtitlcutButliiiltd tu V.'t'llel,fcniltli
ftjsar.Mt.llobuLc. 11. UllLAinUri-'.J-.kn-oill.r.iu
htpt t V uti itntl bupt rlor t tili lit par intents for
LlihlUli, l.Ilil tHeeL.Oeiiuanitniclt.bcltmi, iltuU'.
Art. Addie.J 3S 11, ., Uibkl LI, iVln , Jlrt j, III.
porioiuy nl iptou to jinrnt. jicii
C'uiiittTiT autl cot u KiO clliHicr. Our It.ikery oMtti uru uiiHiiriiuhMt-l, To u
nnno but thu ht'Ht )uttir unit tho Irtbhtbt egga In ttulr mauufucturu 'lvlv
KVUfYTTitrm r-Jf lfli Tn ifirinf
. w. woouwArtii.
WOODWARD, FAXON & CO.,
HEALERS IN PAINTS, OILS AND OLASS.
1206 and 1208 Union Ave, (Near Union Depot), Kansas City, Mo.
MiSSnilRI RATIONAL BANK
III I U U U U 1 1 r New York Life Building.
mii-,"ri4i J I- V. Hugeh, I'resldegf a I). Covinotom, Cashier. B. A. McKiuaa
UJUtCIOMSi nHUTC,KUMPr1Vljl,reVU 1'. H Kosc IL J. llUCKE, s. & beuui
Foreioru Drafts issiftd on All Parts of tho Old World
Es not Behind I
The Times. I
Neither nre the women o
who use it. Thous- 8
atids of thrifty house- a
keepers say that
improvement on any soap $
it and compare results. o
ill 1.1 TA
r. W. Ut-KHt, Stiperlntendent, Muron, Mn.
ARCHIBALD A, JONES, Pres'l, Lexington, Mo,
EMPER FAMILY SCHOOL MM0-
A tlrt-clns Jlllltarv and Homo School Wml t itr rRlns Sept
pn-pirulou for Collogo ami imsinost. "Jlrtliivlt
rut turn niiMiMi iiiiprntciiii'iij.
A. Hr., Principal.
INDE:Pn.N'DXCU MO . near Kansas
lV,x.cltl ,il,J of ot'cer-s, tieautlful
rKUDrirT.forIo'allon! with mojt
UI a . ,-uceiieni mantles.
. r I
GUO. S. B11YA.NT, Tresldont.
OHSVERSITY OF KOTRE DAMI
Tho IIMnl .pwliin lllllicn
TUKMI.VV.MU'r. aril, lulls.
Full Courses In Classics. Letters, Science. La
Cull anil Mechanical Engineering
Thoroiikli I'ri'ii iratory atnl Co umnrilal fonrso
fat l.nnniil s 11 ill tor bn;s miller II Is unique In v.,
Cainlojui'shui l frui niiiiIeiilnnlo I,.' .
iiiiv AKiiumv iiui.iu-iKV r a ci'i
Aoiro Damo.ti J
Seminary, Gambier, O.
For n Iris. Tho highest intellectual mlvnntnKfH.u
bcHUtlful ami coinfurtfthlo homi a tiountlful tntilu.
nnd careful attention to all that pertains loaned
litalth, thorough iiutiitnl truliiinn, reilnul munu,M T
and tut) heat geuerul culture. Cutulouucs t.ut.
A Boy's Boarding School. ftJ&K iW
It.r, IIAUVEV K. COLt.MAN, A. M., Ile.ul .Maator.
I"'rtfTft lrmim armt THii -tTftW iWlMrlfT
J. C, UUlt'tU.S.
."BELIEF FOR WOMEN"
IscxrelliMit. Voi.rc:.,.l nir,.rd.ra'- '"L,t tn in '. BK . . I
.iicuiiri.iin, .ans inns, niu. n Vov jiiustraiea Caiuloui, ""
full Intoimatlon adthrosi hf
IS fa Alrr. AND ALWAYS HKXIAUr.U.
Far tetter than Tamy cr 1'inuyroyal Pills and all similar medl- .
ln. C.j fttm fulfil lidml In 1 11 1 ttisu tirl ti I-.1 rnaii It a mur a..i,i.. V
Uuaranlnd. btui promptly (staled) on rclpt ot 11 00 Avolu (all- N.
ure ana aiiappoiatmtut. i-ieimreu vj uiu ur. liet.ii, ot t'arn,
1tjuc, spsciulUt In leiuale complaints: M ysars pracllts, houtul
and olllce. Tor sals by JOllN'hON DUOS. Urusglsl, 1107 Mala
fau, Kaunas City, Mu Hole Western Ausut
.JIWaiKWBMWTJ n.i sie,