Newspaper Page Text
Some Good Ones Told in Reference;.
To Democratic Candidate.
Parker stories are scarce. There
is nv public man about whom fewer
anecdotes are told. This is due large
-1y to his reserved life and reticence,
,although no one loves a good joke
.-r a story better.
On is related at the .~ndge's ex
pen-. A very able New York attor
ney. who was quite deaf and very sen
sitiv. was arguing a case befor_ the
cort of appeals. He dwelt at
aengi upon a fundamental law prin
ciple. Finally Judge Parker interrupt
would seem. Brother , that
you infer that this court is not well
verz,ed in this elementary law point.
Now, the attorney didn't catch
what was said, but he made it a rule
to agree always with what the courL
said. So, smiling and bowing, he said:
"Precisely, your honor, precisely.
You have stated that proposition cor
The court laughed, Judge Parker
smiled and the lawyer continued his
Out at the general store at Esopus
the village wiseacres gather each
night to discuss the events of the day.
Every night, save Friday, by the light
of a very smelly oil lamp, they talk t
Judge Parker. On that night they
,talk something else, for Judge Parker
invariably is present.
To the simple minds of the village
-ers Judge Parker is certain to be the
-next president. It would be high trea- i
son, lese majeste and horse theft to
'hold otherwise. They all talk of
"when the judge is down 'to Washing- f
ton," and they often refer to "Presi- r
One of the shrewdest of the old
--wiseacres is "Uncle John." He is a
tall, angular frame who wears a small t
'bunch of whiskers on the point of his s
chin. His clothing is homespun, and
he wears high felt boots. He is the
hottest Parker man in -the country.
"Reckon I'll go down to the 'nau- I
guration," he remarked.
Inauguration of whom?" inquired I
"Humph! who'd you think? Why,
the jedge, of course!"
"Would the jedge make a good
president, Uncle John."
"W~hy, of course he will! Why, ~
Iandsakes, he's go't the finest bunch
of Herefords in the hull of York
state! Will he make a good presi
dent? Humph !"
"Uncle John" has an old beaverj
'at. "I'm calkeriatin' t' wear it t'
th' 'nauguration," he said. "The jedge I
has one too. He got his'n when T
I got mine, 'long about thirty years ~
'HAPPY OUTLOOK ON FARM
Its Purchaser Has Several Kinds of
Lawsuits in Sight.
'I-I've bought a farm about 'ten
-miles otit 'of town." said the man with
the black eye, as he entered a law- I
PExactly-exactly. You've bought ~
a farm and you've discovered that one
-of the line fences takes in four or
* ive feet of your land. You attempt- 11
~ed to discuss the matter with the far- I
~mer, and he resorted to arms.
"Well, don't worry. You can frst I
sue him for assault. Then for bat
tery. Then for personal damages.
* Then we'll take up the matter of the
fence, and I promise you that even if
we don't beat him we can keep the
case in court for at least twenty-five
years. Meanwhile, he'll probably
ham-string your cows, poison your e
c.alves, and set fire to y'our barn, and ,
you can begin a new suit almost every'
week. My dear man. you'v'e got what
the call a pudding and you can have
fun from now on until the day vou
die of old age."t
Mr. Follrath says that one of the
greatest sellers in the line of con
fections is the lemonade powders.
Orders have been received from all
parts of the country, from Mexico,
and South America and the Philip-;
pines for the powders. and linguists
have had to be employed by the firm
to translate the orders. The powders.
which effervesce in a glass of watert
and make a glass of lemonade, have;
recently been substituted for 'the tab
ets sold for that purpose.
CANDY THE TEST.
rhe Trade a Certain Barometer of
"The market for candies is one of
he best criterions of business there
<. said C. J. Follrath, who repre
ents one of the large candy manufac
urers of this city. "When the coun
ry is prosperous the workingman
1ives his boy a nickel or dime or
:iuarter to buy candy, and the boy
w0t content with the cheaper
,rades. When hard times come
trund the father cannot spare more
han a penny or two for frivolities, and
he boy begins to ask for the cheap
-andies. of which he can get a good
)pply for his small coin. F or the
>ast tw vears the demand has been
7r th-: better grade and the market
lls changed accordingly."
The talk about adulterated candies
s nonesense. There is a national or
anization of confectionery manu
acturers which makes a business of
nvestigating all rep.rts of poisoning
rom eating candy. and has succeed
,d in exploding most of such rumors.
Xlhen a child is hungry it will fill up
>n almost anything it can get a hold
)n-green apples, for ins*.ance, or
wven gravel or grass. It gets sick,
Lnd the mother, knowing it had eaten
:andy that day, spreads the report
hat sweets were poisoned. The or
anization looks into every such case
t hears about and finds out the truth.
'ompetition is too strong for any
oncern to *Ery to sell adulterated
oods. The firm's competitors would
mmediately analyze the piece. if it
:ontained injurious ingredients
vould not be slow in proclaiming the
act. Good business principles de
nand honesty in the manufacture of
"But tEhere are some laughable in
tances of the attempt of lawmakers
o regulate our business. In Mis
ouri recently a man wanted to pro
iibit the use of glucose in making
andy. It was proved to the com
nittee that glucose was. as pure and
tarmless as any ingredient, although
f used in too great quantities it is
tard to digest."
Sex in Eating.
A woman enjoys well cooked, well
erved food, but her happiness does
ot depend upon it so completely as
oes a man's. Without regular, abun
ant meals a man is disturbed in
pirit and considers himself abused.
Vhen a man loses his appetite it is
>ecause of some physical ailment,
ever a mental one. A great blow
nay make the touching of food an
etual impossibility for his sister for
ours or even days; but, no matter if
he foundations of the earth were
haken, the ordinary man can eat. He
an eat at any time or all the time.
know a man who is "living on the
treet" during his wife's absence, and
e confesses to average five meals a
Food so often is not more than rai
ent with a girl. Investigate the light
ouse-keeping arrangements of sky
arlors. or even Eirst-class rooms, and
onsider' the well gowned girl therein
nd see if it is. I know a girl, and a
ollege girl, who existed on 87 cents
or one week in order to buy an ex
ensive trifle her mother's good sense
ad denied her. Shopgirls they say,
acrinice their lunches to buy a Laura
ean Libbey novel, but where is the
aan that ever goes without a reason
ble amount of good food for any
teed he mnay have?
They Gave In.
At an assizes in the south of Eng
and the jury could not agree and
vere lucked up. After a long dis
ussion a division was taken. Ten
vere found to be for conviction and
wo for acquittal. Another long de
ate followed. and eventually a big.
mrly farmer. who was leading the
najo'rity, went over to the diminu
ive individual who, with a compan
on, formed the minority, and, assum
ng his most aggressive attitude, said.
Now, then. are you two going to give
n?" "No." defiantly replied the
mall man. "Very wvell." wvas the an-I
wer, "then us ten will." And they
Mrs. Beanster-Mr. Johnson won't
-ou please amuse the baby for about
Mr. Johnson (not of Boston)-I'm
efdn I don't know how. Mrs. Bean-!
ARE YOUR KIDNEYS WELL?
Bright's Disease. Diabetes, Rheuma.
tism, Gout, Gravel. Dropsy, Inflam
mation of the Bladder. Bad Blood and
Nervous Troubles caused by Sick
Mayes Pharmacy. the well known
druggist of Newberry. knows by ex
perience that HINDIPO will cure all
forms of Kidney and Nervous Troub
les. and will guarrantee it in all cases.
Can't you afford to try it at their
risk? it costs you nothing if it don't
do the work.
Sent by mail to any address. pre
paid. on receipt of ;o cents. 6 boxes
for $.5o under a positive guarrantee.
NOTICE OF FINAL SETTLE
MENT AND DISCHARGE.
Take notice that I will make a
final settlement on the estate of D.
L. Boozer. deceased. in the Probate
Court for Newberry county, on \Ion
day. August 1. 1904. and immediately
thereafter apply to said Court for a
discharge as administrator of said es
All creditors of said estate are here
by notified to present their demands
against said estate, properly attested
on or before said date, and all parties
owing said estate must make settle
ment with the undersigned at once.
D. L. Boozer,
Of the condition of The Commercial
Bank of Newberry, S. C., at the close
f business June 30, 1904. Published ac
cording to an Act of General Assembly.
Notes discounted ............... $302,210 73
Furniture and fixtures....... 3,051 93
Due from banks. ......... ..... 4,525 58
Overdrafts ........................ 4,823 09
Cash and cash items............ 10,935 65
Capital stock. ... .. ............ $ 50,000 00
Individual deposits ............ 174,334 90
Dividends unpaid............... 2,437 50
Accrued interest................ 1,279 35
Expense, Due July 1st ...... 1,233 34
Due banks......................... 3,347 00
Profits............................... 27,914 89
Rediscounted................. .. 65,00 00
Personally appeared before me Z. F.
Wright, Cashier of the above named
bank, who swears that the above state
ment is correct to the best of his knowl
edge and belief. Z. F. Wright, Ca-hier.
Sworn to before me this 6th day of July
1904. J. Y. McFall, Notary Public.
0. B. Mayer,
Jno, M. Kinard, ~.Directors.
L. W. Floyd,J
Will buy either of the below men
Two pounds of Good Rice.
One pound of Good Parched Coffee.
Two boxes of Potted Ham.
Three pounds of Best Flour.
Two dozen Fruit Jar Rubbers.
Two yards of 4-4 Bleaching.
Four pounds of A. H. Soda.
One box of Good Salmon.
1 plug of Good Chewing Tobacco,
worth 15 cents.
Two packages of Fine Tea.
One box Pineapple.
Lots and lots of other things too
numerous to mention.
Came and See Us
Hair & I
Every article in the
order to repair Stort
sell everything Low D
If you want a skirt cc
buy it for less and get
Lot Ladies and children's san
" Oral and flat top Pearl Butl
"Satin Taffeta Ribbon worth
" No. 80, Taffeta in white an<
20c. yd., at 10c. yd.
White India Linen, worth 1:
Silk Mulls, white and black,
Swiss Embroideries worth 1
"Lot White Checked Dimity
11 yds. best Lonsdale Cambr
The Right Pr
Are my long suit.
except bad ones.
stamp and an indel
ing linen for 40 CE
other good things.
1334 Main Street,
Foundry and N
invils, Ar dirons, Sash
Special Castings 1D
Cotfon Mill Oastil
We repair Engine
Theshers, and e
(AIL OBDERS RECEIVE OUI
ItS eOFs ~E LE pE -tHigh btandarit>r
nsurassd Healthfnlness. Hnor ytm Fl Lit
;end for catalogue.Le Da i
Cured byKeeley In1stituUt
132qLadySt.or P. 0. Box ~5,) Coluimbia. S. C
Lime, - Cemel
Terra Cotta Pipe, Roofi
Car Lots, S
arolina Portland Cement Co
Southern Lime a
Building M aterial of all
house reduced in
i Room. We will .
own in Price.
)me where you can *
dals at your price.
ons worth 1 Oc. at 5c. doz.
25c., 15c yd.
I black, worth 15 and
1-2c., at 8c. yd.
rorth 35c., at 12 1-2c. yd .
0 and 20c. yd., at 8 1-3c
and Muslin at half price
I make. any kind
I furnish a new
lible pad for mark
nts. I have some
Columbia, S. C.
LAURENS, S. C,
Weights, Cane Mills,
~rs, Grate Bars.
[ade to Order.
[8 A Specialty,
, Boilers, Gins,
1 PROMPT ATTENTION.
omfortable Domitries Exeses reduced
Erof. H. T. Cook. For Catalogue or informa
~e for Womnen,
ble Faculety Laorahrinstruction. Univer
arSientific Musical, and Artistic Courss
odge, A. Ml., Ph. D., President.
rette.. All Drug and Tobacco
of South Carolina.
Con fidental correispondence sol icited.
1A, - Plaster,
mail Lots. Write
,- - Charleston, S. C.
nd Cement Co.
)N, S. C.
kinds. High Grade