Newspaper Page Text
Was Badly Fooled.
Ht. lAmi" Riepublican.
A small grocer of Kansas City gets
nervouti, ever. time any one com
mences talking to him about Wash
'ington, 1). C. On one ocenion lie was
necidentally eleted to a seat in the
lower holie of the Missosri legisla
A day or two after the election
Mike Caey of' that town, who has
repfremented a1 diNtrit inl Ilie house
several tiiem, happeied to meet the
grocer. 'I'he la lter was all jimiles over
his eleetion, and hte it once-(- commeeic
ed talking to Mr. Casey about momne
good pliace to xtop in Wathington. Mr.
Cumaiy i. olt. Hilspei(etell thiat thi gro
<or waii igioritit of tlhe oefice to
Whiel he had 1ell elected, having
iAllike itn a sel, i in l the legisliatilure for
OI in conl""gress. 14i,'rtell-rllorle eonl
versmionl il vonl viived hlill of, this, Ho
be took t.hle grover naide id iIlve
hlimoin Hono v1aliu1ab1le poiits oil hlow tol
01onduclet hiumielf. I
Atimaig other thitigs, lie tol him
iaI he oighit. o go to Wasmhington
just Jia soon lls he 1eeivf'i lhiS eflIri- I
fien e (of, plfw ion 1 riml 111e lieretAry
of' HIa'te, wvhicli il. beSt. w iI I I. bhibt
Sf'eV daliym; 11111it. Itter -electing hig
(1i1111-nr il l mvelluenrilg it good sent in
the houise, lie nIotilld then form the
o(I4 iliin enll ' of' (.the premident and
mners if lte enbinwl, and other-,
wimo 11111o himse li sgrooliblo to pub
- - lie 11no. IN! Ilro akdvised himl to say
nlothitng ahott his intmided trip to
anly one, for ot.herwiso ho would he
baransei heyonl ominedunn by per
lons wilan.ing jobs u114l stliking Io oh
tainl pi eI 'romll hin1i. The aldvice
WH.Aecpe wilh lankts.
A few dys linler il groev.r 4(!
par1 d f1i r W,41 as. hiigl.l. Mr. ostey
wal1s down I l. Ill sh.1 tition to soo 1.t1;
ho gol. 11%iway ill good Hisapm. i0 Wias
absellnt. sa w(.ok, anild rviu'nried h1ollm inl
ia very 11gly n1n1-or. For11t liIlely for
him, Ni4eem lha10. he b11i41 I ho Iluck
to fll ill %vil i s41no1 4o211od S111a11ri anl
fromu N lMiomi, perap'Is4 '4senator
('Isoic ~il-11111, Sl1 441 uto p o n sa' tlo'
okr ,smiln ater hl it, m the,
na.tional 0 ili l hial Ille 11 4r gl 14a
him omlil. advoco Iitat. wiaH well worilt
h1di1.I is slisill111 11ha1 whl it
himory ol' Missouirli's grikli. mnenl iH
wvrillenl thin grl-olor's 111m1o will not
liual IIhe list.
Kili ais CilY Siir,
I t' i ao I.44-6Ieiv l n illvitiltionl to i a ,
wdliiig in U 4,li Sorvill onl lle wet'st,
l4ide, y41n mu11st, not buy11 at prosolnt anld
t1iko it with IV l1' silnid it. That
womild ho had ill'ori, and the bride
woilI prollhly he illsltlld, Imt will(Jl
youwt iit. to the wedding take with
you the prie of lho prosolnt. ill mllonl
At. Nh woddinig yon vol41ld fiind
1,4V11rn0 hun11dred m11in 11m4 wvomlenl, aill
11111 ing 1 a.1tilgil 11olions 1 n1111 t alkiig
il in Al litige, xOitld manner.
andI everliybodyI% inthe I colonyiaai wo'luld
m I ll he 1111ra w'nll Iom i wl r ild 1
prese'na'iI . A t majorit 1 f wd .
th hs ills of'Il vriNu 8l'es~ from5 $5r toS
$20) It i41 i l tsancoamm f'or ai bide1l
t'los'' eive $1 ,000 in e'il. Th'Iis sumi
'itaninal 1b'e l'45membl'aeId is g ie bsy
nri" anda mrya *~ anr' w iill take' 1 i
'1ne and11 hand4 he i a dlular. .\n144oter
Ien tom '~Is to' idneie ka dollar Oin'' the51
1 1 1r 1 the gu 'stI and tereli lwli~a
01''5% reU's a hal., w%here1 1111 toIlv
H11 Know Eniglish.
An~ inteligent.S4 8513)4 onels day 5'ame1l
inoa 1s'\s1genphi tiget' In india and~
'andd i a' me$sst 'v ~tos to a~
station in centrol ial 1 udia, iainiig iva'd
*.t messagv, I told hsim therv wasN
"No, %shih' mels knows'W EnIgish,"'
khunt that it wcI$ wvunid wst\mfly,
"MeI knowa lnih,".' heo ds'A1vsd
hahlyad h ind citily, "'1 yun
In bohmtenel~d 1 Aotwwau'dot tws~
said David A. Gates, the big and
good-nature'd chief of revenue
agents, in answer of a Herald man's
"Nowadays more of the crocked
article originates in licensed plants
than anywhere else, 'and constant
surveillance is kept on a certain class
of distillers, who are continually try
ing to cheat Uncle Sam. Of coursq
there is yet a good deal of 'moon
shine' made. North Carolina and
Georgia being in the lead, and Ken
tucky, Virginia, Alabama and Flor
ida following in about the order nam
ed. There is a peculiar kind of illicit
business in Florida, the offenders not
making use of corn, as in the mout'
tain regions, but producing a ver)
vile and lotent liquor out of sugar
VMe skimings. There is very little
mnoonshining in Mississippi, and hard
ly any inl Texas, but, Arkansas car
ries it on to a moderale extont, and
now and then we get after some
law-ibreakers in Missouri.
''The moonlihiners do iot resist
the revenue agents as they did in
forner years, when pitelied hatt,les
with Winchester rifles was not un
(IIIoi011. last year there was not a
revemtie olTicer killed by then, and
lione bas beon killed so far in the
AM Oriminals "Insane" These Days.
The insanity plea is becoming the
favorite one for lawy,rs to employ in
defense of "speckled" or blood,
thirsty clients, but in not a single
case has there been a commitment to
a lunatic asylum of any offonder tin
der the plea. It is pretty near time
the courts were del'ending themselves
agaist the contempt, judicial pro
cedings are in such cases coming to
bo regarded bly the peo)lo. rhe smlart
lawyer seem of late to have incas
etl his facilities for making a r1 I s
ly ohf the law. A man in lloston the
(11the daly wa-is actquil-t.Il l' l'roundql
on the plell I hat hit had concealed
his assels in a battinklley weeed
ing-S bievaulse of1 "1,1i1nancial insanlity."
I very 1kind o, crime Inow has its
mniai " exelso and tlhe worst if it
is lite hiw seenis (Q he helpless aIgainst
Helping t3ho Helpless.
verybody's Magazint' ell' of a
good Satia iti, passinlg an apart
mentI houlse ink the sillII hours tit' the
mirning, who tio(ited a man leaning
IiIply agaillst lie dorway.
"What's the niatt.er-l" he asked.
")o you live in this houseil"
M)o you Wiait lie to htlp you up
" Y yo)p. "'
With mneh dilliculty he half drag
ged, haltf arried tlie drooping figure
up the stairway to the secotd floor.
"What floor do yo'u live on?'' he
askedt. "Is this it?f "
lthither than fact' an irmett wife' whit
mighit perhiIaps I ake him for a cm
pa idi o et at t'a idt thani hter spt'ise,
lie openend the' fiirst door lit came to
aiid puishetd te limp tfigure in.
lTihe good Samuaritani gr'oupedl his
way dlownustairs again. As het was
passing through the vest ihult' het was
alelt to make ont thet dim out lines of
aniolter ian,mu apparently in worse
t'on dit ion bhan the lt'first one'.
' What's It' ma~t ttri" h le askted.
"Are't you drunk, teef"
'Yep," was thie fet'ble' reply.
''lDe you live in this houst', to I"
" Shall I help yen upstairs '"
Tlhie good Samna ritani pushitd, pull
.'d and carrined hiim to te setond~
t'leor, whueret this man also said lit
livetd. lIe opene'd te samet tdoor antd
pushed't huim ini.
As lit agauin renaehtdt te tfront tdoor
he dhiscternied t' shadlow of a third
matin t'videtntly worse offt t hain eithetr
of' th' otlu'het'. hIt was about to ap
solit'itudet luvched out into the stuvet
and thrvw himuselt' into the arms ot
"Wr he'aven's sake' ticile,"h
gasped. " protec't tmt t'r\'m that muan
tle's donie nothin' aill night long int
cairy miet upstairs. 'ni throw mie dowi
chi' elt'vator shat" "'
-His Modesty Forbade,
A certain wvell kniow~n huimorist to
cntly attendeld a bantqutt at which he
w as se'ated bies~ide al ilman whio seemi
t'd to hiave ahniest a mianlia for stor
Ielling,? says the Chicagei Reet'l hleue
ald, tie began with the oysten' and~
h.ad at ist onue story for' each 0et'lUt
e ear dowin to the h1in.foit, Tihie hit
miUO5 listened in patienee, but dii
i 1.tmile or make any', ctiemmet tFan
~ hte stoiry.tehler nticeW d the faet
with my stories, anyl't"tou have
n't cracked a smile Qer any of
"If I haven't seemed to appreciate
your stories you will hhve to blame
"Your modesty? There's nothing
about any of the stories I've told
that ought to interfere with any
body's modesty. At least'I supposed
they were clean. If there's a double
ineaming iii any of them, for heaven's
sake tell inc. I told nearly every one
of them to a lot of women the other
"There's nothing at all tle imatter
with them. They're good, clean sto
ries. Nevertheless, my modesty for
bids me to laugh at them. I wrote
Planted Best "Seed."
Tihe woes o[ the amateur gardener
are very amusing to others, but. decid
edly real to the man who has spoiled
a suit, of clothes, blistered his hands
and lost his temper in his efforts to
imake things grow.
A young nii, receut,ly ma1rried,
early in the spring secured a subur
han Iplie maiinly with the idea of
" fresh, home-grown vegetables. '' Ev
ery ove-ting lie would hurry through
his supper aind rush out to his gar
den, where lie displayed more enor
gy than skill. But, alasl When miny
little green things begar to break the
ground in his neighbors' gardens, his
own remained as bare as the Sah0ara.
''It certainly has got me boat,'' Ie
confided to a friend at his offive one
day. "I can't understand w-hy not
a blessed thing has come up. I plant
Vd pea- aid eori and tomatoes.
'Perhaps the seed were det'ee
tive,'' the friend suggested.
" I hardly think it, was that," the
gardener replied, "for I got the very
best- -paid 15 vents a can for them.''
Cat Adopts Surplus Puppies.
New York World.
I1embers oif Elgine Company No.i
53, in East One llundred and Fomrth i
S1., a1re eniltertaining 11 little stran
Flossie. the Dalmaiian boaud
which liis been a memlier of t fire
vomlmillly for two years, beeanime tie
mitother i, 1I heautit'ul n1Iked u -
Flossie coul'it vare for tle 111er.
an1d it looked for a time as thoughi
tour would have to be drowned or1
chloroformePd. The veterinarv of the
departmient suggested a lster-moth
er. but when one could not be found,
a big white eat wus substituted and
is taking the greatest care of her
four boarders. In recognition of her
work she will not be chloroformed as
had betn planned by the Society for
the Prevention of Cruelty to Ani
A Wisconsin school-teacher had
amongil her pupils a lithte boy named
.laekey, wh-lo was awy :ein thej
mtoringi. But onel da~y het managed to
get to the schoolhouse beforev :he bell
rang. whuereuponu he said to the teaeb
er: "Yell, today I am pefore at last.
1 always wvas pehind pefore.'
"I wa-ms talkingm to your wife
" Ah, indeed ! How did :ba: hap?
"How did it hlappeni Ho1w did
" That you were talking.''-1' Mot,!
The chemist who examined the
stomachel of F.nginecer Strar.e. who
was thought to have been poisoned
by Dr. P, S, Rowland of HIe:derson.
N. C,. ireports that eo poison was
founid. Thle state will try the ease of
mnurd.er against Dr, Rowland on cir
enust antial evidence.
it is reported that the negrve of
the e-ountry are very mneh displeas
ed with Pbresident Roeseveh for ap
pinting Pearl Wright of New Or
eas,alily white , repubiican,, as
commnis.sionler of internal revenue.
They are s-aid to take thec same ie
of the appointment of John G. C'a
pers to temporarily fill the sameI of
Anyhow, there is no dob't that
Frkris thue manm that saled up
CRARLESTON & WESTERK OAEr
- OWDIA RY..
t Scheduale in e*ect Janary 27, 19*7,
IhY, Newberry(C. N, & k) 12:36 p.m.
Ar, Laurena 1:42p.m.
I, .Lamaus (C. & W, CJ~ 2:1 p. us.
Ar, Greenville 3:35 p. .a
lv. S aranurg (So, Ry *a US p. m
-u A e Render ,aville t6:23 p. m.
Aw, Asheville 7:3 p.m.
r, Li L. an mC & W. C .) s - p.
Ar. Greenwood 2:46 p. m
Ar. McCormick 3:40 p. u
Ar. Augusta 5:30 p. ju
Pullman Chair Cars between At
gusta, Laurens and At-heville, te
weekly. Leave Augusta Tuedayi
Thursday anil Saturdaye' -peave Aosi
Ville Mondays,' Wednesdays and Fri
Note: The above arrivals and t<
partures, as well as connectionp wit
Ather companies, are given as infoi
mation, and are not guaranteed.
Geo. T. Byan,
Greenville. S. C'.
Via Southern Railway. -Jamestowi
rer-Centennial Exposition, Norfolk
On account of the above occasioi
he following instructions will gov
-rn the sale of round trip tickets t<
qorfolk, Va. from Ntwberry, S. C.
Season ticket-$19.55. This ticke
vill be sold daily April 19th to ant
neluding November 30th, 1907, fina
late to leave Norflok returning De
ember 15th, 1907.
60 day ticket--$16.30. This ticke
vill be sold daily April 19th to an
neluding November 30th, 1907, fina
late to leave Norfolk returning six
y (60) days from ante of sale ani
tot lated than december 15th, 1907.
Fifteen day ticket-$14.30. This
icket iwll be sold daily April 1Ot:
o and including November 30th
907, final date to leave Norfolk re
urning fifteen (15) days from datc
Coach Excusion ticket-,$8.55. Thit
icket is not god in sleeping, Pull
Ian, or Parlor cars, and will be sold
ln Tuesday of eqch week during per
Lid ot the exposition, final date t(
eave Norfolk returning ten (10)
ays from date of sale.
For routes. stop-overs, etc., writ
r call on us.
Gomplete Common '
Greatest Cash and P
on whole Life, lim
itwH a you to cail to
bfore taktog ouit a pollcy.
IOfice over o"d Post Office
Is Your Hali
A few hairs here and t
are not missed, but it won'i
long before they will be lea
in such large quantities that
will regret the fact that
haven't done something to
Vent the ultimate end-baldr
Rexall "98 " Hair To
promptly stops falling hair, c
dandruff and will stimulate a
growth of hair. It has don
for others. Itwill do so for
It is not sticky or gummy;
not thicken on the hair; does
become rancid; has no disag
able odor; is clean and agree
a At our store, only fifty c
CILDER & WEE
ew of the Comb]
of strong Insurance F
nense, Practical Policy fc
aid up Values Written in
People's Peerles:a P.,i(
1. Cash Weekly Inco
abled by Acciden
2. Cash Weekly Inc
nabled by Sickness
3. Cash Annual Inco
disabled by Any C
. 4. Cash Payment, Ps
5. Cash Annual Inco
turity of policy.
1. Paid-Up Insur anco
2. Extended Insurar
3. Li1ieral Cash Loar
re 4. Automatic Exten:
re ticipating, by apply
5. Change of Occupi
Sindemnity being ps
1. Paid-Up Participi
2. Paid-Up Particip
nsValue (Reserve an
3. Both Reserve anc
4. Life Annuity.
1. Incontestable afte
2. Automatically No
3. Policy ReIbstate
4. Change of Benefi
5. Policy Transferal
6. Thirty Days Grtw
s 7. Mode of Paying I
'e 8. Conversion of Po
ment forms allowe
9. Policy (Death Bei
10. Cost Reduqed to
annual or deie rec
ig all of the above excelle
lied pay or endowment plan,
ial Life Instrai
t*be A HEAON
YOU Rexal Remedrant
you We believe that The
Pre. United Drug Co. the
s-all Remedies, havein
ni1c augurated aupperfect
ations. Tey nmake
VOU. trae-nme Rexal.l
will Each remedy is a woU
not tried r ec ip of a
re'Is a Spectallst In hu
'eature Ever Devi'sed.
or the Insured with the
the Policy of Any Life
me, if Totally or Partdally dis
, i52 weeks).
oumex all oreme Piall di-.
Les f protariytor thermentl
Sause (Ten: Y e)
S rme-Odiae beefaftema
not ried thrd pea. o
rs, after secndi year.s
ingtseret amn 'pe
ting teInsurne wand tah
meig Totuance for entl ise
r ifirt all Patalyd
n-Lapifg oaft r thirmanenar.
d, wTn oeyearate dteo
icer onoiy reusto dneatd.n
, aftoe thir premimr aymet
isy aftr secoer yiearedw
li resabve on ymen ore-n
nt Diietde ValuednCah
Gen, into fothr lior edow-n