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Was Badly Fooled. Ht. lAmi" Riepublican. A small grocer of Kansas City gets nervouti, ever. time any one com mences talking to him about Wash 'ington, 1). C. On one ocenion lie was necidentally eleted to a seat in the lower holie of the Missosri legisla turo. A day or two after the election Mike Caey of' that town, who has repfremented a1 diNtrit inl Ilie house several tiiem, happeied to meet the grocer. 'I'he la lter was all jimiles over his eleetion, and hte it once-(- commeeic ed talking to Mr. Casey about momne good pliace to xtop in Wathington. Mr. Cumaiy i. olt. Hilspei(etell thiat thi gro <or waii igioritit of tlhe oefice to Whiel he had 1ell elected, having iAllike itn a sel, i in l the legisliatilure for OI in conl""gress. 14i,'rtell-rllorle eonl versmionl il vonl viived hlill of, this, Ho be took t.hle grover naide id iIlve hlimoin Hono v1aliu1ab1le poiits oil hlow tol 01onduclet hiumielf. I Atimaig other thitigs, lie tol him iaI he oighit. o go to Wasmhington just Jia soon lls he 1eeivf'i lhiS eflIri- I fien e (of, plfw ion 1 riml 111e lieretAry of' HIa'te, wvhicli il. beSt. w iI I I. bhibt Sf'eV daliym; 11111it. Itter -electing hig (1i1111-nr il l mvelluenrilg it good sent in the houise, lie nIotilld then form the o(I4 iliin enll ' of' (.the premident and mners if lte enbinwl, and other-, wimo 11111o himse li sgrooliblo to pub - - lie 11no. IN! Ilro akdvised himl to say nlothitng ahott his intmided trip to anly one, for ot.herwiso ho would he baransei heyonl ominedunn by per lons wilan.ing jobs u114l stliking Io oh tainl pi eI 'romll hin1i. The aldvice WH.Aecpe wilh lankts. A few dys linler il groev.r 4(! par1 d f1i r W,41 as. hiigl.l. Mr. ostey wal1s down I l. Ill sh.1 tition to soo 1.t1; ho gol. 11%iway ill good Hisapm. i0 Wias absellnt. sa w(.ok, anild rviu'nried h1ollm inl ia very 11gly n1n1-or. For11t liIlely for him, Ni4eem lha10. he b11i41 I ho Iluck to fll ill %vil i s41no1 4o211od S111a11ri anl fromu N lMiomi, perap'Is4 '4senator ('Isoic ~il-11111, Sl1 441 uto p o n sa' tlo' okr ,smiln ater hl it, m the, na.tional 0 ili l hial Ille 11 4r gl 14a him omlil. advoco Iitat. wiaH well worilt h1di1.I is slisill111 11ha1 whl it himory ol' Missouirli's grikli. mnenl iH wvrillenl thin grl-olor's 111m1o will not liual IIhe list. Sorvian Woddings. Kili ais CilY Siir, I t' i ao I.44-6Ieiv l n illvitiltionl to i a , wdliiig in U 4,li Sorvill onl lle wet'st, l4ide, y41n mu11st, not buy11 at prosolnt anld t1iko it with IV l1' silnid it. That womild ho had ill'ori, and the bride woilI prollhly he illsltlld, Imt will(Jl youwt iit. to the wedding take with you the prie of lho prosolnt. ill mllonl 41y. At. Nh woddinig yon vol41ld fiind 1,4V11rn0 hun11dred m11in 11m4 wvomlenl, aill 11111 ing 1 a.1tilgil 11olions 1 n1111 t alkiig il in Al litige, xOitld manner. andI everliybodyI% inthe I colonyiaai wo'luld m I ll he 1111ra w'nll Iom i wl r ild 1 prese'na'iI . A t majorit 1 f wd . th hs ills of'Il vriNu 8l'es~ from5 $5r toS $20) It i41 i l tsancoamm f'or ai bide1l t'los'' eive $1 ,000 in e'il. Th'Iis sumi 'itaninal 1b'e l'45membl'aeId is g ie bsy nri" anda mrya *~ anr' w iill take' 1 i '1ne and11 hand4 he i a dlular. .\n144oter Ien tom '~Is to' idneie ka dollar Oin'' the51 1 1 1r 1 the gu 'stI and tereli lwli~a 01''5% reU's a hal., w%here1 1111 toIlv H11 Know Eniglish. l'nsnsWeekly. An~ inteligent.S4 8513)4 onels day 5'ame1l inoa 1s'\s1genphi tiget' In india and~ 'andd i a' me$sst 'v ~tos to a~ station in centrol ial 1 udia, iainiig iva'd *.t messagv, I told hsim therv wasN "No, %shih' mels knows'W EnIgish,"' khunt that it wcI$ wvunid wst\mfly, "MeI knowa lnih,".' heo ds'A1vsd hahlyad h ind citily, "'1 yun In bohmtenel~d 1 Aotwwau'dot tws~ said David A. Gates, the big and good-nature'd chief of revenue agents, in answer of a Herald man's question. "Nowadays more of the crocked article originates in licensed plants than anywhere else, 'and constant surveillance is kept on a certain class of distillers, who are continually try ing to cheat Uncle Sam. Of coursq there is yet a good deal of 'moon shine' made. North Carolina and Georgia being in the lead, and Ken tucky, Virginia, Alabama and Flor ida following in about the order nam ed. There is a peculiar kind of illicit business in Florida, the offenders not making use of corn, as in the mout' tain regions, but producing a ver) vile and lotent liquor out of sugar VMe skimings. There is very little mnoonshining in Mississippi, and hard ly any inl Texas, but, Arkansas car ries it on to a moderale extont, and now and then we get after some law-ibreakers in Missouri. ''The moonlihiners do iot resist the revenue agents as they did in forner years, when pitelied hatt,les with Winchester rifles was not un (IIIoi011. last year there was not a revemtie olTicer killed by then, and lione bas beon killed so far in the 1reslt, year. AM Oriminals "Insane" These Days. Chattanooga Timies. The insanity plea is becoming the favorite one for lawy,rs to employ in defense of "speckled" or blood, thirsty clients, but in not a single case has there been a commitment to a lunatic asylum of any offonder tin der the plea. It is pretty near time the courts were del'ending themselves agaist the contempt, judicial pro cedings are in such cases coming to bo regarded bly the peo)lo. rhe smlart lawyer seem of late to have incas etl his facilities for making a r1 I s ly ohf the law. A man in lloston the (11the daly wa-is actquil-t.Il l' l'roundql on the plell I hat hit had concealed his assels in a battinklley weeed ing-S bievaulse of1 "1,1i1nancial insanlity." I very 1kind o, crime Inow has its mniai " exelso and tlhe worst if it is lite hiw seenis (Q he helpless aIgainst ihe plell. Helping t3ho Helpless. verybody's Magazint' ell' of a good Satia iti, passinlg an apart mentI houlse ink the sillII hours tit' the mirning, who tio(ited a man leaning IiIply agaillst lie dorway. "What's the niatt.er-l" he asked. Drnnk I" Yep.'' ")o you live in this houseil" "Yel. "' M)o you Wiait lie to htlp you up stairs?" " Y yo)p. "' With mneh dilliculty he half drag ged, haltf arried tlie drooping figure up the stairway to the secotd floor. "What floor do yo'u live on?'' he askedt. "Is this it?f " "Y'ettp."' lthither than fact' an irmett wife' whit mighit perhiIaps I ake him for a cm pa idi o et at t'a idt thani hter spt'ise, lie openend the' fiirst door lit came to aiid puishetd te limp tfigure in. lTihe good Samuaritani gr'oupedl his way dlownustairs again. As het was passing through the vest ihult' het was alelt to make ont thet dim out lines of aniolter ian,mu apparently in worse t'on dit ion bhan the lt'first one'. ' What's It' ma~t ttri" h le askted. "Are't you drunk, teef" 'Yep," was thie fet'ble' reply. ''lDe you live in this houst', to I" " Shall I help yen upstairs '" Tlhie good Samna ritani pushitd, pull .'d and carrined hiim to te setond~ t'leor, whueret this man also said lit livetd. lIe opene'd te samet tdoor antd pushed't huim ini. As lit agauin renaehtdt te tfront tdoor he dhiscternied t' shadlow of a third matin t'videtntly worse offt t hain eithetr of' th' otlu'het'. hIt was about to ap solit'itudet luvched out into the stuvet and thrvw himuselt' into the arms ot "Wr he'aven's sake' ticile,"h gasped. " protec't tmt t'r\'m that muan tle's donie nothin' aill night long int cairy miet upstairs. 'ni throw mie dowi chi' elt'vator shat" "' -His Modesty Forbade, A certain wvell kniow~n huimorist to cntly attendeld a bantqutt at which he w as se'ated bies~ide al ilman whio seemi t'd to hiave ahniest a mianlia for stor Ielling,? says the Chicagei Reet'l hleue ald, tie began with the oysten' and~ h.ad at ist onue story for' each 0et'lUt e ear dowin to the h1in.foit, Tihie hit miUO5 listened in patienee, but dii i 1.tmile or make any', ctiemmet tFan ~ hte stoiry.tehler nticeW d the faet with my stories, anyl't"tou have n't cracked a smile Qer any of them.' "If I haven't seemed to appreciate your stories you will hhve to blame my modesty. "Your modesty? There's nothing about any of the stories I've told that ought to interfere with any body's modesty. At least'I supposed they were clean. If there's a double ineaming iii any of them, for heaven's sake tell inc. I told nearly every one of them to a lot of women the other diight. "There's nothing at all tle imatter with them. They're good, clean sto ries. Nevertheless, my modesty for bids me to laugh at them. I wrote them.'' Planted Best "Seed." Tihe woes o[ the amateur gardener are very amusing to others, but. decid edly real to the man who has spoiled a suit, of clothes, blistered his hands and lost his temper in his efforts to imake things grow. A young nii, receut,ly ma1rried, early in the spring secured a subur han Iplie maiinly with the idea of " fresh, home-grown vegetables. '' Ev ery ove-ting lie would hurry through his supper aind rush out to his gar den, where lie displayed more enor gy than skill. But, alasl When miny little green things begar to break the ground in his neighbors' gardens, his own remained as bare as the Sah0ara. ''It certainly has got me boat,'' Ie confided to a friend at his offive one day. "I can't understand w-hy not a blessed thing has come up. I plant Vd pea- aid eori and tomatoes. 'Perhaps the seed were det'ee tive,'' the friend suggested. " I hardly think it, was that," the gardener replied, "for I got the very best- -paid 15 vents a can for them.'' --Philadelphia Ledger. Cat Adopts Surplus Puppies. New York World. I1embers oif Elgine Company No.i 53, in East One llundred and Fomrth i S1., a1re eniltertaining 11 little stran gers. Flossie. the Dalmaiian boaud which liis been a memlier of t fire vomlmillly for two years, beeanime tie mitother i, 1I heautit'ul n1Iked u - pit's 1-Ivontly. Flossie coul'it vare for tle 111er. an1d it looked for a time as thoughi tour would have to be drowned or1 chloroformePd. The veterinarv of the departmient suggested a lster-moth er. but when one could not be found, a big white eat wus substituted and is taking the greatest care of her four boarders. In recognition of her work she will not be chloroformed as had betn planned by the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Ani mals. A Wisconsin school-teacher had amongil her pupils a lithte boy named .laekey, wh-lo was awy :ein thej mtoringi. But onel da~y het managed to get to the schoolhouse beforev :he bell rang. whuereuponu he said to the teaeb er: "Yell, today I am pefore at last. 1 always wvas pehind pefore.' "I wa-ms talkingm to your wife " Ah, indeed ! How did :ba: hap? "How did it hlappeni Ho1w did what happen?''" " That you were talking.''-1' Mot,! The chemist who examined the stomachel of F.nginecer Strar.e. who was thought to have been poisoned by Dr. P, S, Rowland of HIe:derson. N. C,. ireports that eo poison was founid. Thle state will try the ease of mnurd.er against Dr, Rowland on cir enust antial evidence. it is reported that the negrve of the e-ountry are very mneh displeas ed with Pbresident Roeseveh for ap pinting Pearl Wright of New Or eas,alily white , repubiican,, as commnis.sionler of internal revenue. They are s-aid to take thec same ie of the appointment of John G. C'a pers to temporarily fill the sameI of Anyhow, there is no dob't that Frkris thue manm that saled up BUrownsville.. CRARLESTON & WESTERK OAEr - OWDIA RY.. t Scheduale in e*ect Janary 27, 19*7, IhY, Newberry(C. N, & k) 12:36 p.m. Ar, Laurena 1:42p.m. I, .Lamaus (C. & W, CJ~ 2:1 p. us. Ar, Greenville 3:35 p. .a lv. S aranurg (So, Ry *a US p. m -u A e Render ,aville t6:23 p. m. Aw, Asheville 7:3 p.m. r, Li L. an mC & W. C .) s - p. Ar. Greenwood 2:46 p. m Ar. McCormick 3:40 p. u Ar. Augusta 5:30 p. ju Pullman Chair Cars between At gusta, Laurens and At-heville, te weekly. Leave Augusta Tuedayi Thursday anil Saturdaye' -peave Aosi Ville Mondays,' Wednesdays and Fri days. Note: The above arrivals and t< partures, as well as connectionp wit Ather companies, are given as infoi mation, and are not guaranteed. Ernest Williams, Can. Pas#Agt., Augsta, Ga. Geo. T. Byan, Greenville. S. C'. Gei& Agt., OHEAP RATES Via Southern Railway. -Jamestowi rer-Centennial Exposition, Norfolk Va. On account of the above occasioi he following instructions will gov -rn the sale of round trip tickets t< qorfolk, Va. from Ntwberry, S. C. Season ticket-$19.55. This ticke vill be sold daily April 19th to ant neluding November 30th, 1907, fina late to leave Norflok returning De ember 15th, 1907. 60 day ticket--$16.30. This ticke vill be sold daily April 19th to an neluding November 30th, 1907, fina late to leave Norfolk returning six y (60) days from ante of sale ani tot lated than december 15th, 1907. Fifteen day ticket-$14.30. This icket iwll be sold daily April 1Ot: o and including November 30th 907, final date to leave Norfolk re urning fifteen (15) days from datc if sale. Coach Excusion ticket-,$8.55. Thit icket is not god in sleeping, Pull Ian, or Parlor cars, and will be sold ln Tuesday of eqch week during per Lid ot the exposition, final date t( eave Norfolk returning ten (10) ays from date of sale. For routes. stop-overs, etc., writ r call on us. Analytical Vi 3reatest Combination Gomplete Common ' Greatest Cash and P insurance Company. Protecti C.) Affordec 0 Non Forfeitu~ Privileg Maturit Settlemn Special Privilel Policies Confitili on whole Life, lim Pacific Mutit itwH a you to cail to bfore taktog ouit a pollcy. IOfice over o"d Post Office I. Is Your Hali Falling Out? A few hairs here and t are not missed, but it won'i long before they will be lea in such large quantities that will regret the fact that haven't done something to Vent the ultimate end-baldr Rexall "98 " Hair To promptly stops falling hair, c dandruff and will stimulate a growth of hair. It has don for others. Itwill do so for It is not sticky or gummy; not thicken on the hair; does become rancid; has no disag able odor; is clean and agree to use. a At our store, only fifty c a bottle. Satisfaction guaranteed money refunded. CILDER & WEE ew of the Comb] of strong Insurance F nense, Practical Policy fc aid up Values Written in People's Peerles:a P.,i( 1. Cash Weekly Inco abled by Acciden 2. Cash Weekly Inc nabled by Sickness 3. Cash Annual Inco disabled by Any C . 4. Cash Payment, Ps suredi 5. Cash Annual Inco turity of policy. 1. Paid-Up Insur anco 2. Extended Insurar 3. Li1ieral Cash Loar re 4. Automatic Exten: re ticipating, by apply es miums. 5. Change of Occupi Sindemnity being ps 1. Paid-Up Participi Dividend. 2. Paid-Up Particip nsValue (Reserve an 3. Both Reserve anc 4. Life Annuity. 1. Incontestable afte 2. Automatically No 3. Policy ReIbstate laDSing. 4. Change of Benefi 5. Policy Transferal 6. Thirty Days Grtw s 7. Mode of Paying I 'e 8. Conversion of Po ment forms allowe 9. Policy (Death Bei annual installment 10. Cost Reduqed to annual or deie rec ig all of the above excelle lied pay or endowment plan, ial Life Instrai **""ROBEF t*be A HEAON YOU Rexal Remedrant you We believe that The Pre. United Drug Co. the s-all Remedies, havein ni1c augurated aupperfect ations. Tey nmake VOU. trae-nme Rexal.l will Each remedy is a woU not tried r ec ip of a re'Is a Spectallst In hu able Hat, Ints KS, Druggcists STOM ' ination Policy 'eature Ever Devi'sed. or the Insured with the the Policy of Any Life 'be aIaSON me, if Totally or Partdally dis , i52 weeks). oumex all oreme Piall di-. Les f protariytor thermentl Sause (Ten: Y e) rceaodPciy,-podatdei S rme-Odiae beefaftema not ried thrd pea. o rs, after secndi year.s ingtseret amn 'pe intionuomaicalydut, ting teInsurne wand tah meig Totuance for entl ise d5 wiieend). r ifirt all Patalyd n-Lapifg oaft r thirmanenar. d, wTn oeyearate dteo icer onoiy reusto dneatd.n melge bsnmeit.atra , aftoe thir premimr aymet isy aftr secoer yiearedw li resabve on ymen ore-n dmivndmby)bra.iidns nt Diietde ValuednCah exlupsivelyafte threar be CoAInpny Gen, into fothr lior edow-n