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"THE MERMAID AND
She Flirts Her Flippers at the Gay
Col. James T. Bacon in Sunday News.
The most virtuous of all the news
paper men in South Carolina, not ev
en excepting Boyd Cole and James
Byrnes, was requested by the Char
lestoln editors to write nupon as low a
subjeet as ''The Mermaid and Her
Undertoe.' This was in reference to
th late Parliamen .of the Press in
The News and Courier. We have rea
son to believe that Gulielmus Ball and
Tomaso Waring did it. T.hey have evi
dently been flirting with the mer
maid, and found out, what no other
men have ever discovered, that she
has toes, Fie upon them! Aind they
went and published it, and now she is
angry with them, and is flirting her
flippers at them. But hold! The
mermaid, when we think of it, has no
flippers; she has only a tail, that is,
from the waist downi. Or would it be
more chaste and elegant to say, ''eau
dal-appendage?'' Well, the mermaid
is flirting her caudal appendage at
Gulielmus and Tomnaso, because they
have discovered to the world that she
has toes, or, at all events, a toe, and
am undertoe at that. It runs in our
head that it is a low thing to have an
undertoe. One might as wvell have lo
comoto attaxia or elongation of the
But do mermaids ever flirt? Yes,
the only mermaids to be seen among
the wild waves of the Isle of Palnms
nowadays certainly (10 flirt. They are
also flip. Last week they flirted and
flipped with Lawrence M. McDowell,
of the Camden Journal, and Clifford
Berry, of 'the Oranugeburg Evening
News, and Thomas B. Crewvs, of the
Laurensville Herald, aind N. 0. Os
teen, of. the Sumter Watchman and
'Southron, and a beautiful boy of the
Evening Post, named Corcoran, and
Carolius Galloway, of the State, and
James D. Fulp, of the Winnsboro
News and Herald. But do not misun
.derstand us. Flirting aid flipping are
a matter of excellent form, in refer
ence to which matter we are prepar..
ed to speak on excellent .authority, to
wit: Gulielmius Ball, Tomnaso Waring
and Neils Christensen. And there is
Joh Calvin, of the Reformation, is
-eabove reproach ? We think he is.
The nearest he has ever come to
guilt wvas in wvhispering to the mer
maid, ''You 'll be damned if you do,
and you '11 he damined if you dont.''
However, the mermaid saved John
Calvin alive by quickly and totally
rejecting all misleading Presbyterian
fallacies. And there, too, is the
handsome Rabbi Elzas, wvho looks
like Caruso. Well, it can be proved
that the Rabbi lent the mermaid a
quarter of a dollar when she was in
distress. 'She had no change to pay
the borter for lugging her dress suit
ease, and the Rabbi, handsome as
Raphael, and moved by instincts of
sub)limest mercy, thrust the silver
quarter iunto her hand.
She is a Peroxide Widow.
The yonthful mermnais who flir
ecided to exi
ny a happy a
ick and reap
his week. R(
is priced rigf
and fliP with Ilwrence McDowell and
Clifford Berry and the beautiful boy,
Corcoran, of the Evening Post, are in
nocent and unsophisticated, and we
pell them with a little m., but the
Mermaid, (big M.,) who has been
discovered1 by Culielimus Ball and To
maso Waring to have undertoes is a
peroxide widow, plumped out in sec
tions. She is a high society lady, and
not youg. There is a strong and at
tractive flavor of Florodora about
She Practices Wireless Telegraphy.
Of course, we mean the Isle of
Palms. What other isle has an up
country editor ever heard of? She
sits upon a lofty rock at the upper
enki, where De Soto and Ribault. never
dared to land. She sat there when
De Soto and Ribault sailed by in the
dist.ance. She was young then, and
needed no pink saucer and no salts
of tartar. (ulielmus and Tomaso were
so busy feeling for her undertoes that
they did not see the never-fleeting
sheen of the pink saucer. She sits
tRpon this lofty rock and combs her
long yellow hair with a pearl comb,
given her by fair-f.aced and false
hearted Robert WV. Hunt, division
passenger agent of the Southern. Her
biggest diamond ring is a present
from Philip Gadsden, of the Consoli
dated, Her golden cestus, which
hides the line where her caudal ap
pen dage begins', is a heart-offering
from Will-ihm Banks, of the State,
while the glittering tiara that erowns
her golden locks, is an ever-shining
evidence of the gratitude of P.resident
E. H. Aull, of the South Carolina
Some of Her Messages.
She disdains wireless inst ruments.
Her long white arms aind her -long
green tail are her wireless instru
ments. The waves ripple out towards
Charleston, and transmit the follow
ing strong, but simp)le, inessage to
Bob Hunt: ''Falser man than Don
Ju:an!'' the waves ripple again in
long silvery ripples, and say t.o Corn
mnodore Philip Gadsden:
Great Scott !
Have we got'?
To standl it when the weather's hot?
It wvould be bad enough to have it
But in the summer time
With Edgefield and Laurens lubbers!
Well, it isn't nice;
Live shrimps for bait!
And threce-hookedl lines I
And Capt Cosgrove
Singing, ''Ahi, ehe la morte!'
And dishevelled wvomen
And children in t,he deadly throes!I
And we hereby enter a loud objection,
Unless it is served with disinfetiomn.
B3y gosh !
We don't wvant to slosh
Around in that pond,
Hard by those Jetties,
All the time.
Oh Lord, a tin can!I
Oh, H-eaven, draw the veillI
Oh, mercy, the Mormaid 's tail!I
Her undortoe nd her dimond ring
:end this sale
nd pleased ct
more of the I
es with a few
it and lower.
And her caudal appendage's deadly
Thcn (lie silvery waves ripple
again, and rend the soul of Gulielmus
anll by whispwriog: ''False one, I
love thee still! '' Then they roll along
to Tomaso Waring and say "How is
that lovely baby that ought to have
been mine?'' Then they break at the
feet of the Rabbi Elzas, who makes
you think of Kaspar and Balthazzar
and Benl Hur, and say to him '' Ver
ily thou shalt have thy reward."
Then the Mermaid weeps aloud and
rends her heart, not her tail, an( cries
out: ' 'Oh, Neils Christensen, thou
dear- Danish lad, why dids't thou ever
cross my unhappy path?''
Then, again, she undulates her sil
very appendage, and the wireless wave
runs out to sea, and up Savannah
River, and up Stevens Creek, and up
Turkey Creek, and up Beaver Dani,
which laveth 'l'the towered city of
Camelot,'' sometimes called holy, im
neaulat e Edgefield, aind 1)reaks upon
he jewelled shore, andl those goodl
men, Minis andl Calhoun, and 'Cheat
ham and B3acon, just, made perfect
and patient u,ader tribulation, catch
thie .shining foam and kiss it-because
it comes from blessed Isle of Palms
-and Charleston-t hou ''Imperial
Discussion In Washington--Sight Re
ceipts of Cotton During Several
By James S. McCarthy.
Washington, D. C., June 24.-Col
onel James Hamilton Lewis, former
ly a Denmoera tic Congressman f-rom
the State of Washington, but now a
resident of Chicago, w-ho is in WVashi
ington on legal business said, ih dis
cussing the Democratic outlook, ''I
doubt not that if the Democratic coin
vention 'were to be held right soon
'Colonel Bryan would be nominated
for President. It is by no means cer
tain, though, that some new man may1
noit be nominated. The convention is
a .long way off. My mnotion is that the
old Democratic Party -has got a glor-.
ious chance of winning next year. A
great deal depends on its nerve and
its sagacity in adopting a strong,
ringing platform, that will let the
country know it means business. It
ought to come out squarely and speci
fically for principles aind pl)Oicies,
and not indlullge in glittering generali
ties. For instance, the tariff it should
-not be content with a declaration for.
'revision, hut give out a positive de-,
claration in favor of free raw mater- 1
''Another thing the Democracy
should insist on--the .home rule prin
eile, the rights~ of the States to
mainage their domestic concerns. The
present disposition to have all gov
ernmenit emanate from Washiington
and to ignore the States, is one of the
most dangerous tendencies of the age.
If persisted in, it will utterly de t roy
our system of government and put. us
on the same plane as the effete mon-J
I for On
for one weel
istomer the P
little baits to
archics (it the old world. The mission
of the Democratie Party is -to bring
the nation hack to the old moorings,
amid to re-establish the doctrines of
the fathers of the Ropublic.''
Sight receipts of cotton during
April agueregated 579,397 bales, com
pared wit.h 570,422 bales and 902,212
bales brought into sight during April
1906 and 1905, respectively. The total
sight receipts of cotton since the be
ginning of the season, September 1,
were 1?,6O4,352 bales, over 2,600,000
balehAUit' excess of like receipts for
the corresponding- period in 1906, and
3,100,000 in excess of corresponding
figures for the 1905 season. The net
overland -movement for the first
eight'onths of the season, 1,088,692
bales, shows proportionate increases
over like movements for 1.906 of
862,118 bales, and 1905 of 932,643
bales. American ,pinners' tak,ings,
inindinu shi;pnnou-s to Canada, for
the season were 4,212,139 bales, of
which 2,304,802 bales. or 541.7 pier
(eeni,I represenited thle share taken by
Northern mills and 1,907,337 b)ales,
or 45.3 per cent, that takeni by South
ern mills, V,he tot,al for 1907 being
20.8 per cen-t higher than correspondl
ing figures for the 1906 season, and
about, three-fourtihs of a million in
excess of the 1905 figures. Of the
dotal available supply, about 59.9
per cent is shown to have been ex
ported, while 32.7 per cent a.ppears
to have been taken by American spin..
ner's. the respective p)ereent ages of
'i irt for I the 1906 andil 1 9(5 sea
el oo 5:3.6 petr et and1( 59.3
1ffr fCeni. TF' [tta! .\merie,ii stocks
p?e r'. P th,: mth wt Vre 996,
' b le. sIitl it ab ve t.he' colrres
toninw fi!ynre-:i. f'or 1906l( of' 995.753
hab1i, but beloiw t h. co~respom ding
figures for A pril 30. 1905, of 1,119,
it ('.l. Graves miust have the name
changired, why not "Oys)v'ter ray''
f *!nm''i. ne d-mhiI: w ill app)reeialeP
lie 'ondel(scentsion (of Ouri Fa vor i
8ins i.n playing in th,eir' city this
week'I. andI( will remembniler thait t hey
e"lim heP L.ioos toi thle point ot hoin~ i:
A R.ational Treatmenat,
is one that soothes the inflamed and
congested mnenbranes and heats and
cleanises without "drugging" the affo
gives quick and permanent relief fren
Catarrh Colds-eli affections ofth
snembranes of the nose and thr'oat.
We Guarantee Satisfaction,
Buy a 50-cent tube of NOSIONA frw0E
and get yournoney hack Ifnot satisfied.
Eiample tubeand hook let by mnail 5oe.
St. Lo~ e M Foe,$ a
k longer, as w
ast 10 days,
3 ever shown
be fooled by
get you in. I
Never rqualed in
We have just opened E
JAPANESE AND I
Ladies, this is your
CHINA cheaper than ev
We have not attempte
each piece separately, b
ga mes upon occeasionI, .but theluy miiust
not be over-generous.
COFFINS-CASKETS, M rs. L. M.
Counts, undertaker, Prosperity, S.
C. Prompt attention given to or
dlers at any hour.
I ta w. 13t.
Wu te will giea rstue class b)arb)ecue
atteresidence of D. E. HTalfaere,j
near St. Philips church, .July 18th.
Music will he furnished by thie Jolly
Street St ring Band. The public is
cordially invited to attend aind enjoy
a good 'cue.
D). E. Halfacre.
J. D. H. Kibler.
All executors, administrators and
other fiduciaries arc reqluired by lawI
to make annual ret urns of estates re- t
maining in their care or custody theo
p)receding calendar year, at any time
before the firt, (lay of July of each C
year. It therefore becomes my duty to C
urge the observance of the law, by t
all parties who are thus interested.
F. M. Schumpert,
June 20th, 1907. J. P. N. C.
CHARLESTON & WESTERN OAR~
Schedule in effect June 9th, 1907.
Lv. Newberry (C N & Li.) .12:46 p. m.
A r. Liaurenls 1:52 p. m."
hv. LaIIIuren (C. & W. C.) 2:15 p. m. '
A r'. (1reenviille 3:40 p. m. v
hv. Lanurens 1:58 p. m. d
A r. Spartanburg 3 :30 p. mn.,
Lv. Spartanb)urg (-So. Ry.) 3 :40 p. in.
A r. IIendlersonville 6:25 p. m.
A r. Asheville 7:30 p. m. 0
Lv. bnluurens (C. & W. C.) 2:00 p. mi. ni
A r. ( reeni wood 2 :56 .p). m.
A r. McConnieok 3 :55 p. mn.
A r. Atugnisita 5:40 p. m,
Pullman Chair Cars between Au
gusta, Laurens and Ashlevil, tri
weekly. Leave Angusta Tues. y,
e have been
so that they
in this town,
the so-callee \
oeveral cases of beau
opportunity to BUY
d to describe and price
ut ask you to
A Box of Our Candy
s a most enjoyable companion.
Bither at home, the theatre, or
vhile traveling. Deliciousness
Lnd purity is in every box; and
he beauty of it all is, it is mod
:rately priced. When passing
sur store, you can sample it at
ur expense. We are selling
his week fine Peaches, To
'hursday and Saturdays ;lcave Ashe
iUe Mondays, Wednosdays and Fri
Note: The above arrivals and de
artures, as well as connections with
ther companies, are given as infor
iation, and are not guaranteed.
Cen. Pass. Agt.,
Geo. T. Bryan,
Greenville, S. C.