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SIEITS OF TE STORM.
[Tbe following poem, from "Early Vanities."
Id 1%. J. Clodfelter, of Indiana. for beautiful
bagery, close and powerful description, is pro
0ounced by some crities equal to any poena in
Roll, thunders, roll*
On the cold mist of the night,
ts I watcii the streaming light,
Lurid, blinkig in the south,
Like a mighty serpot's mouth
Peal on peal, the thunder's crashing.
And the streaming lightning's clashing.
Xpike great iants coining o'er us,
Dancig to the distant cuorus,
In their ire.
From the wild sky higher, higher,
While the heaving, angry motion
Of a great aerial ocean,
Dashes cloud-built shlips asunder,
As the distant comning thnnder
Rolls, rolls, rolls,
And shakes the great earth to the poles.
Roll, thunders, roll
You awake Luy tleeping soul,
To see the war in rage before me,
And itAs readful menace o'er me,
Thunders booming in the d:stanoe.
Till the earth scems in resistance
To the naues sailing higher,
O'er the wild clouds drooping fire:
And there Le comes! the wing'd hors-i comes,
Beneath great Jove whose mighty arms
Burl thunder-bolts, and heaven drums
Her awful roll of sad alarms:
He stamys the clouds. and onward prances,
As from h:m the wild lightning glanc;
By his neigh the uorld is shaken,
And his hoof so tietly' dances
That the1 g .tuins ovet.ken.
And he feeds upon its tlasing
Shafts, as if he were but crazing:
Stops, paws the clouds beneath his form,
Then gallo: s o'er the raging storm ;
Mieos or.: his lhn. d:shevoled m'-ne
Streai ,,-miadly tirouh tue lac dcn plane
Of 1L.e dull skies.
The while the c rapery of the clouds,
Wraps this spirit as in shrouds,
Our darting eyes
In vague surprise
And trace the wandering courso
Of heaven's !!eet-foot winged horse.
luii. thunders. roll:
As lightnings in the arebing scroll
Streak the heavens in their :light
By their dazziing ilow of light;
While old Neptune, all alone,
Is sitting on his mountain throne,
O'er the sea,
In a mood so lonely, he
Thrusts his trident by his side,
With such force that the greatamountain
Opens a deep, cavern wide.
And burst- forth a li iug fountain
Sparkling with its silvery tide;
And the Nereids, tifty strong.
To the water's babbling s
Like fair'. wands
From Neptune's hands
Sally from this cuvern wie.
Sailing o'er the gray col.! rocks,
With their fairy rainbow locks,
Down upon the waters brim,
Eitner way the sur are skim.
Till their tul'd fingers' tips
Gently in the water dips:
Then beneath the raging skies
Neptune in his charit flies
O'er the se-.
With his trident in his hand,
In a bearing of commneud,
Fitting to his ma.:eLty,
He calls to his daughters
To quit the wild water,
He calls, but they he.d not his word:
Then his trident he hurls
At his sea-nymph girls.
But the truants-tILey fiee from their lord.
Unto the clouds they go
In the whirlwinds of the storm,
Arethesa leads the way
Whatsoe'er the winds may blow.
She lithely moves her gracerul form
As if she would herself s;rey,
And then she rides the southern wind
And bids her sisters follow.
And leave old Neptune far behind,
Lord of hs mountain hollow
To nurse his wrath
And tread his path.
And curse his fairy daughters
These mountain elves
That freed themselves
From the lord of ocean's waters.
He grasped a trident in his hand
That mystic rose at his command,
And wildly blew till the great ocean
Trembled like an aspen-tre',
And winds that were in wild commotion,
Whirlir.g through immensity,
He'd by his magic art control
And gather in a secret scroll
eheea his Dorian daughters.
O'rte avmng angry wawai,
Till the growling thunders roll,
Giving spleen to Nept::ne's soul
As he sees them dart through air,
Daughters fifty, all so fair,
Free from the Ionian Sea,
Designed to be
Roll, thunders, roil l
Till the many church-bcls toll
Once in unity,
Touched by the enchanting wand
Of his majesty,
Who's arbiter of sea and laud,
And marks each destiny
The fair-faced nymphs of air,
Ketamorphosed from the Dorian sea,
O'er the waters,
Through the misty clouds they flee,
Their fairy forms
Float o'er the storms
So swift and magic'ly.
That on the wings of the long streammng fashei
They ride, and they dan~ce their delight,
Wear crowns of electrical dashes,
And bask in their dazzling light.
Where the deep-voiced thunder peals louder,
And the long sheeted lightnings play fast,
We tsee them peep through the dark cloud, or
Ride off on a suiphurous blast,
When the storm to its fullness is raging,
And all Nature at war seems to be.
The cloud-sphere is thben mare engaging
To them than a wild breaking sea.
But now the growling, rolling, grumbling,
Thunders in the distance mumbling,
Fainter, fainter, dying, dying,
And the lightning dimmer flyin:,
O'er the dark clo :d westward lying,
As the morning in her glory
Bursts forth like an ancient story -
The while the restugn sub ams' light
On this dlark cloud of the night,
And the archin:. rainhow's given
To the spirit-f rums cf heaven,
In a moment unrolled
In its pinions of gold,
And quick its it.' birth
it o'ereircles the e'artue:
And there the spirits of the storms
Sit and rest their weury f" :s.
ONE MOONLIGHT NIGHT.
ISY JAiMES Fi NKLIN FITTrS.
The apple-orchards of Mr. Peck and MIr.
Norris were adjacent to each other. Each'
comprised about thirty neres; and the fruit
iaised in them was not excelled in the
country. These orc'hards, in fact, were
models of pomolo,-y, and people imterei-ed.
in that pursuit cam.e fronm considerable
distancas to inspect them. T1hey were alik"
as to gepc '"-ppearance and num: eran
varieties es. Their owners were alike
in nothing, ad resembled each other les
in disposition than in anythin.: el-e. This
difference w~ll be best illuwtlratel1 by a coin
versation that ocu red between them when
they met an the road one lelasat Oct'ober
"I think we are fortunate," said Mir.
Peek, "in having so good a yield of fruit
when the price is high."
"Indeed we are," said MIr Norris.
"And if it were not for one thing, i shlould
be perfectly satis'.etl with apple-growing,
taking an avera-.e of the seaains."
"Ah," said MIr. Norris, "what troubles
"It is the thieving or the boys about
Mr. Norris looked amused .
"It is a g:-eat outrage," said Mr. Peck,
moaking himself angry as he talked. "The
little rascals tunderstand per eetly we 11 how
I feel about it, for I have tepeatedily re
fused to permit them to enter my orchard.
even to pick up tee wind-falls. But ti~ey
de:y me. I have lost a great deal of sleep
sitting up nights and watchin: for thenm
with a shot-gun loaded with powder and
salt. The impudent stamps!-how I'd
like to put a charge into their legs! But
:hey're too cuanmg lor me; either I get
asleep watchinil, or they come nights when
I'm not up. They stcal my apples, break
:lown branches, and give me no end of
worriment. Sometimes I've thought of
sellin2 out on account of them."
"They never trouble me at all," said Mr.
"Well, I declare B ow do you man
"Very simply, When a boy ec~nes to me
for apples I take hima out into my orchard,
till his pockets, and send him away as
happy as a lord.
Mr. Peck elevated his nose, and uttered,
a contemptuous exclamation.
- !a TAn &Lum~ n mntnna th. otha&
'that he rnav always pick up appIes fiom
:'e ground to ea. but that he mutst not
limb the trees. In this way I have pre
erved iuv or-h:ud from in jury, and kept
m1 the ve' b st ot terms with the boys."
"-o you llow the young pirates to levy
:-ibute on you as tLe price of good con
Mr. \orris laughed as he replied.
"We look at this matter from very differ
ent positions, Mr. Peck. The value of all
:e fruit given away in this manner during
I seat-on is trirling. and it seems to me a
;ery slight conces-ion to make for peace and
emption from damage. I believe most
Lads are naturally right-miuded, when you
yan really get to their hearts. and I'd rather
ave them for my friends thau my enemies
-especially in apple time. And then I'm
act ashamed to say tnt I used to be a boy
aivself, ,.n.1 that I have never quite got
Dver it. Yes, I like to see the little fellows
bappy; and if a few apples now and then
ill make the world brighter to them, cer
tainiy I am not the man to refuse."
-A11 sentimental stuff, Mr. Norris. My
apples are my own property; I don't choose
to give them away, and I won't submit any
onger to have them stolen. I shall get a
savage bull-dog to guard them; and if that
wont work. I'll set a spring-gun.
"I'm very sorrv you feel so on the sub
ject. The law will not jus:ify you in suet
extreme measures-surely not in using fire.
arms or spiing-guns."
"But 111 do it-I l be .anged if I don'C'
And Mr. Peek laid his whip emphatically
over t.e i-acks of his unoffending horsei
and went on.
Alr. 'eck was a man whose vindictive
feel:ngs would at any time overbalance his
juignient. and he now proceeded without
delay to fuhill his threats. It is perbapi
uueces:.ry to say that this story de-cribe
bo' s not as they ought to be. but as thej
were in the neizhborhood uhere its scene
is located. The apple crop was super
abundant :hat fall. and the well-known anc
hi-;hly appreciated indulgence of Yr. Nor
ris was satiiient to furnish all the frui:
tat the juve niles could desire; but because
ta Peck" had driven theta harshly nway t
they were not sati-fied short of eatin:. i
his apples. In the convention held at
recess he was unanimously vot- d "a stingy
old hunk-. and it was determ ned that his
orchard should be robbed. Tie attempt
wbmade one dark night so-on after the
conv-rs.iti-m: we have de:aiied. A dozen
boys of from twelve to nifteen years
secretly left their beds, and asembling
near \fr. Peck's o--hard. silintly scaled
the high wa'l and b g in their foray. It t
had harily onmmtwe when a deep growl
from the i sta--e warned them of impend
in- diai--r. T. e retrcat was hasty. but
-u cts-fal; one of the boys suffe-ing a
severe bit. in the calf of the leg as he
mounte_ thte wall. It may be added that
t- saire boy endured some of the pa ns
rat mrtyrdoui in the next week, while r-s
)ltel; 'k. epuig the k-nowLdge of this -
cerrence from his parents.
Two days after tmts occurrence
Peek's ferociots dog was found dead. -He
had ; een ,wisoncd.
Thz rage of the owner was unbounded.
Ee called at the scLool and emptied the
rials o: his wrath: but the master informed
aim that the case was c!early one for par
mtal diseplive-provided he could find
he guilty parties. He then visited every
ome that sent a boy to school, and de
anded the summary punishment of thatI
yov. Mr. Peck was hardly more a favorite
with the grown-up people of the neighbor
iood than with the boys; but this was a
erious matter, and an investigation was
nade to find the culprits. It is unneces
ary to say that they were no' found. Boye
who will do the things that I have de
cribed will never hesitate to cover up their
racks by lying; and so it was here.
Money was flowing into Mr. Peck's
lands for the products of his orchard; sc f
ong as he felt that a single apple
vas 1,einz taken without payment, he was 1
ond to be miserable. His next resort
rme a spring-gun, wuich he rigaged up one
Lfternnon~ and Sat fi thA nI'how1 A 1antA
oise from it that might awoke nun, and' he
ushed out. only to find the gun demol
shed and useless. It afterward transpired
hat the operation of setting it had been
atched by some interested parties through
Schink in the wall.
For one whole week following did MIr.
Pek lie in wait each night for the thieves.
ad he did not see one of thema. There was
t least one old heamd upon .young shoul
lers among the offenders, and the word
iad been passel round that the orchard
nut not be molested again until the pro.
yrietor had suflicient time to -cool off.'f
hat unhappy proplietor was enraged, dis
usted and mystitied. He had tried every 1
emedy but on'- for the evils that afflihede
im. tind to this one he now resorted witb 1
~elchmene. What it was will appear furthem
It was a moonlight night when the boys
aext made an incursion into M1r. Peek's
rehard. They tilled their pock s with
he fruit, they'ute nmore than they wanted
md then they proceeded to hang un to a1
imb an efiigy of the owner, whichlthe'y hac
arought along with great trouble and diffi- I
tult. It was after midniight when they
were safe in the highway agatin, an i tier<
;heir mirthful mood was somewhat dis
urbed by the near approach of a horse anc
-Halloo, boys,"~ cried a familiar voice.
'What s going on? Nothing wrong. J
The young culprits hung their heads
silence - not afraid. but thoroughly
ushaed, for the speaker was their kind
riend, MIr. Norris.
"i don't like the looks of this, boys." lie
;aid, stopping his horse. - This.- night
,usiness is always b~ad: and how is it. ween
have always b,.en willing for you to) e une
reely to ny orehard and help yourselves,
:at you find any pleasure in going where
rou are forbidden?"
One very young gentleman attempted an
tnswer, b::t his voice was so low that only
.he words "stintgy old Peck' were audible.
-Well." said 3Mr. Norris. preparing to
hrive os'. "I am very sorry to rind you
u aged in this way, aifter all that hais
)ssed between us. And perhaips it won t
nahe you feel any better to le:.rn that von
nyve no: been robbing MIr. Peek 5 o:-had
it all., !;ix time; you have been robbig
ne. lonagut this propetty yesterday. mand
ok possession; and its late owner would
a t care if you had taken away every apple
ef in it to-night."
ie drove away, leaving a vet-v sorry and
eetant lot of boy's standingz there.
Their sorrow and self-accusation were of
morre ihaiu momentary duration; their
roung consciences were touched, and on
'he following day they all waited on
51r. Norris, amnd very awkvwardlyv
but still with genuine feeling.
egged his mpardon. The occasion
was one that the kind-hearted man did not
'ail to improve, and his earnest words
>rought home very powerfully to the
bahed - oungsters th~e great truth that
vrog doin'g, at some time and in some
tiy, aluavs brin..s its own punishmi:nt.
le' did something more than tais. lie
ol them that, aft r all that had' oc:-urrea,
2c did not feel warran -d in for--inmg thema
mtiii thyv Lad a'so assed Mir. P'ecks pr
ion. This was rather more than they hadI
aected, tad they begged hard to be ex
u-e l from this humi:aion; but MIr. Nor
is was irm, and the matter end-id by the
coys taking the mamnly part. and doing just
is they were required. I cannot say that
SIr. Peck was mollified; he Lad one of
bh'.se contra-:ted souls that do iiot seem
tapable of any species of enu rosity; and I
aelieve he enoyed the abasemie it :ron
vi.ie'h some of these lads sufiered ke- nly'.
ertainly, tt e lesson was a niost s lutatory
yne for them; and in their tium no:Ling1
nore ws heard of orchard-robbing in that
Warning to Rich Girls.
Gilhooly-It does me good every
time I read of a rich man marrymng a
Gus De Smith-"Why does it doyout
"eause then the rich girl lie might
have married still remains in thme mat'
ket, a :d I am looking out for a rich
t T '
. Palatable Ol!a Podrida Prepared
Specially for Our Fa r
ashions in Dress, Notes on Housekeep
ing Affairs, anel Other Topics
Fact ami Fane int Fasiion.
NE may have at
this Season of the
year as many hats
or bonnets as t her,
are days in the
wee k , millinery
has become sI)
cheap. Mlost of
the straw shapes
'ca be bought for
rom ton to fifteen cents apiece, and
ie trimmings of rib on and artilicial
lowers, or ponpons, are very mnex
The newest Par~sian bathing dresses
re so Putre and so extreme that there
hil be few ladies witn temerity enough
> wear them. Some of them are of
rsey cloth, worn above corsets; they
re all made with %ery low-eut necks
i1d ' mithout sleeves, while at the same
ime the skirt is.more abbre iated tban
er: indeed. in some of them it dis
>p*xars altogether. Cream white is a
avorite color for a bathing-dress, and
rhen [trimmings of gold braid are
Ided nothing prettier or fresher in
ppearance can be imagined.
Full-skirted, velvet-trimmed dresses
r summer wear in light sprigged or
naouie lawns are verv popular. The
as.ue of such a dress is usually gath
ed, with tometi..les a white chemisette
tin. The trimmngs neey consist
arf of the material is added for
reet, as illustrated below.
Gingham dresses-combinations of
an and striped materials-are popu
r for ro gh wear out of town, for
hih their durability is extremely well
asque-shaped mantles are among
e neatest freaks of the season. These
with the efreption of the sleeves,
hih are made full across the back)
it the form in the same manner and
nith as much precision as the ordinary
asque, being of the same shape, but
immed profusely with black lace and
Box-plaited blouses of cashmere or
~ther light material are much favored
r in-door wear at home. The plaits
re detached from the body, from the
)ust to a point bl)ow the waist, while
~eneath them is drawn a broad ribbon
ash, tied in front, so as to allow the
mg ends to fall. A lace fichu worn
vith such a blouse adds greatly to the
A neat house dress may be made by
combination of a plain wth a striped
epy oln hepanmtra
omoe Jhesitandbsu'n h
:ripd frms he rapey, hichis
oeadepponted hemisetn mteriof
opos the skirt and bu and thesar
trimmigs fors te rae whlhvet.
Kiled sktrettl shaperable onanear
rna chien'ls n thses'idesses,
-th are noTt ack worbaeies.Th
Laeie is atvrimporwthn bratoreinerl
laine dark-colornd velvty which in-al
osue made-pome the soft-terial
ndinL lit ac styedcsapprc.
reatly anancedary thler wditho tab
tee uptoe skome poind af themsifr
c grinitug, re consth oanly ofeleet
ri tih upont ahe orotafte obasear
1u ll folmdrs o aull coe h bdes,
iudner, desenin, and recepti ; or col
itmes men ad from the solderias
snross the ligt rc i]stlsapo
Lratow heeson a ste ter a tfo
reat enhaned reotae quit fh
maleuo stymis patetla the ietes
rigup antue onst onlth a sike cod
ein mcht chsn t hey oftie blas
lacknrenu, and wonrehlcepdark blue,
ure dakbeigirownmce sthekinsoldor
achtingth ustheesokng.r m
owsoes with treet ear andlfor,
ar tensulier rcets a quie em
oiere utliptntheater varitiey.
lain, and woripe wo lk darile
very natty street costume. An open.
basque with broad silk revers was
worn, being of the striped fabr-c. The
vest, which showed beneath, and to
which the collar, of the same rnaterial,
was attached, was fastened up the
front by a row of very small round
wooden buttons. Larger buttons, in
tended merely for ornament, appared
upon the basque itself. A coquettishly
arranged drapery, drawing up on
either hip, revealed a kilted skirt, and
was supplemented by an overlapping
back drapery. The dress was an ex
ceedingly appropriate and stylish pro
Hair Colffure iana.
The accompanying illustration fur
nishes a pleasing contrast of coifire to
the present very prevalent node of
arranging the hair in a small braided
knot, at the back of the head-a severe
and in most cases unbecoming style.
The Diana coiffure here represented
is especially suited to young faces, and
may be d ressel in two ways. Thc back
hair is either to be combed o-er to the
front-this can be done. where the hair
is short-where it. is fastened with a
plain comb and the ends arranged
with the front locks cut about the
length of two fingcrs, in a high toupet.
The curls at the nape of the neck, in
this arrangement, must be furnished
by false hair. When one has a thck,
fine growth of hair, the taupet and
short front curls may be made entirely
of the front hair, and the back strand
arranged to fall down in curls. Orna
mental pins complete the coiffure.
French Morning Cap.
The attractive cap for morning and
negligee wear, shown in the cut, is
made of embroidered muslin.
Being trimmed high, it furnishes a
ery becoming head dress to a low
colored ribbon. The large collar seen
in the cut matches the embroidery of
the cap and affords a pretty finish.
The Masceuane Girl.
The sad thing about it, says an East
ern exchange, is that the girl is mak
ing an ass of herself, to use one of her
own expressions, and in just this way:
"Everything carried to its4 extreme be
comes its contrary," says Hegel, and
the girl beginning with the masculine
costume goes on to please men more
and more by adopting their slang and
even their freedom of manner. The
girl does not see that. Although men
are amused by it, they are not made
more respectful and courteous thereby.'
She only sees that she is a favorite
with men,that she always has partners.
and escorts and is invited everywhere
Men are at their ease with her, but, ye
gods and little fishes !there is a mig hty
difference between the girl one loafs
and smokes with and the girl one pre
fers for a wife or a mother.
The very fashion that in moderation
was charming, in excess is disagree
able. The slan.gy, lolling, sprawling
men-hunters-and some girls of the
period are little more than that-!have
spoiled the liberty which it was (1e
lghtful to see women acceptng in
moderation. There is a libertx that
makes us free and a liberty that makes
us slaves, and the girls who take liber
ties with modesty of speech and man
ner, and who cross well over the border
into masculine territory, are not more
free but more slavish than before. And
the approbation of men, which is the
end in view, is lost by the very means
taken to gain it. There is one young
woma, in Boston who has been a belle
for two winters. One (lay she remarked
to the wrter that now she was obliged
to do the marketing: that her mother
had always done it, but- at last ma
kicked" 'When the writer said .o a
friend of that young woman th she
would not get married for severai ears
unless she changed her manner .lhe
was told that she received more atten
tion than any girl in Boston. Never
theless, that young woman has had two
seasons and is still disengaged. She is
a type of the short-sightediness of some
of "her sex. Shie has men about her in
plenty, and "shie shall have music
wherever she goes," but men are 1 etter
than they ap; ear. At bottom men love
kindl:ness, gentleness, mode.sty, purity
in act and t houghit in wom'en.
A D~og's Y::wn.
Did vou ever watch a dog yawn?
For thoroughiness and entire ab~sene
of affectation and miock-shamiefacedlne ss
there is nothing like it. Vu hen a dog
vawns he doesi't screw his face into all
sorts of unnatuiral shiapes in an endea
vor to keep his mouth shut with his
jaws w:de open. :e thecr does he put
his paws upl to his face in an apologetic
wa, while gaping in anguish, as it
were. No; when hegapes lie is wiliing
all the world shall come to the show.
le braces himself firmly on his four
feet, stretches out his neck, depresses
his head, and his jaws open with a
graceful moderation. At first sight it
is but an exaggerated grin, but when
the gapc is apparen tly accomplished
the dog turns out his elbows, opens his
jaws another forty-live degrees, swal
lows an imaginary bone by a sudden
and convulsix e imoveiment, curls up his
tongue like the petals of a tiger lily,
a'L shiuts his jaw wth a snap). Th'en
he asumes a grave and eonitent ad vis;
age, as is em nently becoming to one
who has performed a duty successfully
and conscientiously. -$ "r-an isvo
Too FOND of their cups-Yaohtsmen.
A MANTEL SHELF-A girl's shoulders.
OUT OF SEAsoN--An empty pepper
IT is a wise stock that knows its own
3MICHELET writes: "Woman is the
Sunday of man;" that is to say the
other days are the weak ones.
EsoLAND may be "mistress of the
C's," but she has never been able to
fairly master the R's.-Bo,.ston Ga
A FRENcH philosopher says: "The
surest way to please is to forget one's
self." This is also the surest method
of making an ass of one's self.-Te i as
S ift ingIs ,.
TiE American Missionary Societv
sent 5,000 pairs of trousers to Eurmah
last year. This is charity that cover
eth a multitude of shins.-Sonerrille
"Coam out of that, you brigand, you
rascal, you assassin!" screamed his gen
tle companion. "so, madame," he re
plied calmly, "I won't come out. I am
going to show you that.I shall do as I
please in my own house!"
Foco-What do you think of Dole?
Bogg-I think he is one of the biggest
liars I ever knew. Fogg-Of course;
he said I was a fool the other day.
Bogg-Indeed! Well, I may have
PH oroa R.A r H collector - "By the
way, 1've been making a collcction of
monstrosities lately." Frien 1 -"In
deed?" P. C.-"Yes. And that re
minds me: will you kindly let me have
one of your photographs?"
"I HEAR," sa'd Molecule, "that Trilo
bite has lost his mind." "Aust have
been one that he borrowed the-," said
Atom, "he never had one of his own."
".\h!" said Molecule, "I had ft.rgotten
he was married."-Buredtto.
"I HEARD a capital story last night,"
observed an editorial writer of one of
our esteemed contemporaries to his
chief. "All right," replied the latter;
"put stutter marks in it and credit it to
the late Mr. Travers."-Pittsburg
BOSTON girl-"Tell me, my friend.
do you admire H1awthorne?" New
York girl-"Oh, my, yes! I think it
is great. When we were at Saratoga.
I used t3 drink two big glasses of it
every morning before breakfast."
Lowell Citiz n.
EVA-"I suppose these extremely
aice-looking young men are the stu
dents, or house surgeons or some
thing?" Maud-"No doubt. Do you
know, Eva, I should very much like to
be a hospital nurse." Eva--"IHow
strange! Why, the very same ide% has
just occurred to me."
AMATEUR ator (to professional)
Have you ever been injured in any
railroad accident while traveling about
the country, Mr. Ham? Professional
-I had a leg broken once. on my way
from Chicago to New York. Amateur
-How did it happen? Professional
Trying to get out of the way of a train.
-New York Sun.
INSPECTOR (examining a class)
"What is a prophet?" No answer be
ing given, he called upon the head
scholar and put the question in this
form: "If I were to foretell that you
would ye snto~g in Lims Scuoot Lw
months henee, what would I be?" Boy
-"A leer, sir; for we're gaun to flit
next week, and a'm no' coming to this
skule after that."
IGOVERNMENT clerk (to bosom friend,)
--Just got myself into a horrible mess!
I went yesterday to see two doc-tor-s
and obtained from each a medical cer
tificate-one a certificate of health for
the life insurance company, and the
other a certificate of illness to inelose
in my petition for leave of absence.
And there, if I didn't go and put them
into the wrong envelopes!
Giving a Parson Points.
A young man who recently graduatedi
from an Eastern theological school
went out to Murray, in the C.: ur
d'Alene country, to take charge of a
chreh. Tihe largest gambling-hall in
town was cleared for his e 'commoda
tion the first Sunday, one table on
which Spanish monte was usually dealt
being left for him to stand behind. A
large stock-register book was laid on
this, which was supposed to represent
the Bible. The whole town turned out
and the young divine preached a pow
erful sermon. In it he strongly de
nounced gambling, horse-racing, drink
ing, and profanity. That afternoon he
was called on by a committee of lead
ing citizens, one of whom said:
"Pardner, thar's a little matter we'd
like to talk over with ye. I am the
Chairman uv the Tigilance Commit
"Is it possible?"
"Mighty poss'ble, Captain; the cuss
edest possible thing ye ever seed.
Wot we come here to say is that WE
don't approve o' your preachin'."
"I am very sorry that such is the
case, but I can't see how I can change
"Can't, hey? Well, I reckon you'll
her to. Ye've got to let up on holler
in' again gamblin', an' horse racn', an
swearin', an' liker. Them things air
all 'lowable here, an' air highly recom
mended by the leadin' citizens, an' the
clergy has got 'er fall inter 1:ne. A sa
committee we moseyed up here to wart
ye, an' 'taint our style to warn more'n
"But, my dear sir what can I preach
against-I'must denounce something.'
"What can yo preach ag'in ? Well, I
swar ! Hain't there wickedness 'nough
in this country 'thout goin' ou:.er yer
way to jump onter sich th'ngs? 1Prea -h
ag'in hoss stealing and jumping mnn
eral claims, uv course- Rip 'em up the
back an' tram]) on 'em. Then theres
original sin-tech that up once it
while. Jes' confine yerself to these
things, and the boys will jes' crowd it
t hear an' cheer yer every time yer
make a good p'int."-Omahta Republi
The (lami andl the Sage.
A Clam who had made up his mind
that this country was going to the
Dogs if he did not save it was Rolling
along the Beach when he Encountered
a age, who asked:
"Whither bound, and for what pur
"I have set out to save the Country.
I have solved all the Political and So
cial Problems, and 1 now go to an
lounce them to the World."
"31y D)ear Bivalve," said the Sage in
his gentlest tones, "the first great
Problem of Life, as you are proba:bly
prepared to anouice, is the 1 ood sup
ply. Thanks for your coming. shall
Eat you! Next!"
Nioal-Parties have often made use
of Fools and Deagogesn to Win vic
The carpenter is perhaps the most suc
cessful boarding house keeper on record.
President Cleveland has accepted an
Invitation from the Hibernian Society of
Philadelphia to be present for a brief
time at its banquet on the afternoon of
the 17th inst.
Mrs. Langtry is building a cottage on
the shores of Lake Tahoe, California.
Tahoe is one of the most beautiful sheets
of water in existence. It is 6, 200 feet
above the level of the sea.
Colonel Blanton Duncan, the well
known Kentuckian. has discovered the
mistake of the Millerites in predicting
the end of the world som. years ago.
It was simply a miscalculation. Col
onel Duncan is morally and propheti
cally certain that Russia will furnish the
Anti-Christ, that the Greelt Church will
be the persecutor and that the closing
scenes of the great drama of creation
will be enacted in anad around Constan
Marvellous Little Moxte.
The Mox e raze is the latest, and it bids
fair to last, as the phys.elans say it takes the
place of stimulants, and tonics, leaving no re
actin. Consequently. its place cannot be
filled. The medical world. it is said, have 1. een
wait ing for some one to discover its like, as
stimulants are only a temporary relief, and
are eventually as destructive to nerve force ai
overwork and exiaustion. Stimulan:s and
medicines never cure nervousness or nervous
exhaustion. It is said the 31oxie does at once.
Stops the appet ite for liquors as well, satisfies
the nervoua system as well, at once, leaving
only the best results
Websters spelling-book has had a circula
tion of over 50,000,000 copies.
Mrs. Ellen Wood, the authoress, left per
sonal estate to the value of ?30,000.
A Sad Case of Polsoning
Is that of a man or woman afflicted with dis
ease or derangement of the liver, resulting in
poisonous accumulations in the blood, scrofu
lous affections, sick headaches, and diseases of
the kidneys, lungs or heart. These troubles can
be cured only by going to the primary cause,
and putting thcliver in a healthy condition. To
accomplish this result speedily and effectually
nothing has proved itself so efmcacious as Dr.
Pierce's "Golden Medical Discovery," which
has never failed to do the work claimed for it.
and never will.
They are raising peaches two inches in cir
cunferance, at Bentonville, ArL.
What can bo more disagreeable, more dis
gusting, than to sit in a room with a person
who is troubled with catarrh and has to keep
coughing and clearing his or her throat of the
mucus which drops into it? Such persons are
always to be pitied if they try to cure them
selves and fail. But if they get Dr. Sage's Ca
tarrh Remedy there need be no failure.
The hop cropof the Mohawk Valley, N. Y.,
is said never to be finer in quality.
** **Rupture radically cured, also pile
tumors and tistuhe. Pat -iilet of particulars
10 cents in stamps. Worl's Dispensary Medi
cal Association, Buffalo, N. Y.
All the Vanderbilt roads will do away with
the deadly car stove this winter.
ROYAL Gwz mends anythingl Broken Chi
na. Glass. Wood. Free vials at Drugs. and Gro.
Bronchitis is cured by frequent small doses
of lio"'s Cure for Cr -sunption.
Is one of the most distressing affections ;and people
who are its victims deserve sympathy. But the great
success Hood's Sarsaparilla has had In curing sick
headache makes it seem almost foolish to allow the
trouble to continue. By its toning and Invigorating
erect upon the digestive organs, Hood's Sarsaparilla
readily gives relief when headache arises from indi
gestion; and in neuralgic conditions by building up
the debilitated system, Hood's Sarsaparilla removes
the cause and hence overcomes the difficulty.
-'"My rife suffered from sick headache and neu
ralgia. After taking Hood's Sarsaparilla she was
much relies ed." W. R. BAsB, Wilmington, Ohio.
Isold by all drutti'sts. si : six for s5. Prepared only
byU oD& co.. Athlecarios. Lowell. Mass
t OO Doses One Dollar
K ID DE R'S
A SURtE CU'RtE FOIL.
INDIGEST ION and DYSPEPSIA.
Over 5,ixt Physicians haesent us their approval o'
DIGESTYLIN, saying that it Is the best preparation
for Indlgestion that they have ever uised.
We have never heard or a case of Dyspepsia where
DIGESTYLIN was taken that w'as not eured.
FOR CHOLERA INFANTUM,
tT WILL. ctRE riTHE Mtor A;GGRAVATE:D CASER
IT WILBL SI' Y' uMITING IN IEG NANCYv.
* IT WVULL ItEillvE CoNSTIP'ATIUN.
ForSummer ComnplasintA and Chronic Diart-he-,.
whieh are the d irect remitts of imperfect dIgestion.
D!IGESTYLIN will effect an immnediate eulre.
Take DYGEST~ tlN ror axll pins andi disorders or
the stomach: they altl cnme from indligestionu. Ask
your druggist for' f'ItENTY LIN' (price si per large
bottle). If he dow-s no t anmve it send oni- dollar t' us
and we will send a bo-ttle- to you, express prepaid.
Do not hesitate to send your moniey. o)ur hiouse is
reliable. Es'tabiisihed twetv nlye years.
Manutf'act uitng ( hemi--t- . '(.1.lohn .t., ?N.Y'.
SIll har b aperiodici suf
I 1At we My' Creamu Balm. I 110a
H AYFiEz., R nere r al c to fhll~ aa retir.
I can suay that t'reaml Babtm
evd wra .- L. 3f. Gear'ji:
-0 USdA py Bahmn into each nostril.
A NTI- BlL IOU S
THE GREAT ENGLISH REMEDY
For Liver. Bi'. Indgestion. etc. Free from M.r
cury -' tonialn onl~y lur,- ve-table lugre I rents
agent: it. N. UitITTLNTON. Newv York.
Ps'Reeyfor (Catnrrh is the
BtEsetto Use, and Cheapest.
Soldbgdreciaor sent by mail.
U50c. E. f.. azeltine, Warren, Pa.
* *:1- A n ti ---e dsv S-- d $1
Mro J.O. ISA LINO,Box 299 Key WestFla
X01 eward for su5
'S i > Troubien. Ner
*Menatai or Pny aical Weakneee that BIotanlic
Nerve Bi tters !at to cure. 50O Cr s. ii.-rh M.i:cne Co.
13 N. 11th St-, l'hla~deithia. 's s.id by all Druggist.
$5 oS a day. Sm'swrhs.4 RF
O SAn ineasemoay be due. Ad
Metropoi'n B~lk, Chicago, ti1.
HEBRAND FIFTH ' HEELatest
iprovement. HER BR AND C. rmno
ERBy return :natl. Full DescrIptIon
Cutdlu. 3IooDY & co.. canciranati. 0.
u. mi.no: ShoinsSet.2sF.. caa -
,Li wrh$.a p'er pountd. Pet'tit's Eye av
(I.w-or bth is h at -. ents ai bx by dl-ai-rs.
lLi.tE Imnpa rernt .tsociationts. Htow to
organ.iz". B. It. O Ts it ti'. ta' t -i. G-'ii
lione get !n tr'" Don't wastoyourmenc7<
tamr~ edt - abtoe ihsr rolutely tear and rind
7nsAMrE- A10or the''FISHI lURAND
ctethvtheCs r-:'n en".snfrdse"rintivecs
I Crab Orchard ate
CRnAn OCHAgrgg WAtRnCO. Pp'rs.a
Pa unuv LIVER
EEWARB OP XMlTATIONS. AEWA?
ASE FOr T)R. PIE:CE'S PELLET2, OR
LITTLE SUGAR-COATED PIZLL.
Being entirely vegetable, they op
ernte without disturbance to the system, diet,
)r occt pation. Putupi glass vialshermeti.
rally scaled. Always fresh and reliable. As
I laxative, alterative, or purgative,
these little relicts give the most perfect
Bilious Attacksand all
derangements of the ston
ch and bowels. are prom pt
ly relieved and permanently
cured by the use of Dr.
Pierces Pleaanut Purgative Pellets.
In explanation of the remedial power of these
Pellets over so great a variety of diseases, it
may truthfully be said that their action upon
the system is universal. not a gland or tissue
escaping their sanative influence. Sold by
druggist,25 cents a vial. Manufactured at the
Chemical Laboratory of WORLD'S DISPENsARY
MzDICAL AssoCIA.tox, Buffalo, N. Y.
is offered by the manufactur
ers of Dr. Sage's Catarrh
Remedy, for a case of
Chronic Naa Catarrh which
they cannot cure.
SYMEPTOMIIS OF CATARRH.-DuA
heavy headache, obstruction of the nasa
passages, discharges falling from the head
into the throat, sometimes profuse, watery,
and acrid, at others, thick, tenacious, mucous,
purulent, bloody and putrid; the eyes are
weak, watery, and inflamed: there is ringing
in the ears. deafness, hacking or coughing to
clear the throat, expectoration of offensive
matter, together with scabs from ulcers; the
voice is changed and has a nasal twang; the
breath is offensive; smell and taste are im
paired; there is a sensation of dizziness, with
mental depression, a hacking cough and gen
eral debility. Only a few of the above-named
symptoms are likely to be present in any on&
case. Thousands of cases annually, without
manifeetiug haif of the above ayniptoms, re
sult in consumption, and end in the grave.
No disease is so common, more deceptive and
dangerous. or less understood by physicians.
By its mild, soothing, and healing properties,
Dr.'Sage's Catarrh Remedy cures the worst
cases of Catarrh, "cold in the head,"
Coryza, and Catarrhal Headache.
Sold by druggists everywhere; 50 cents.
"Untold Agony from Catarrh."
Prof. W. HAUSNER, the famous mesmerist,
of Ithaca, N. Y., writes: "Some ten years ago
I suffered untold agony from chronio nasal
catarrh. My family physician gave me up as
incurable, and said I must die. My case was
such a bad one, that every day towards sun
set, my voice would become so 'hoarse I could
barely speak above a whisper. In the morning
my coughing and clearing of my throat would
almost strangle me. By the use of Dr. Sage's
Catarrh Remedy, in three months, I was a well
man, and the cure has been permanent.'
"Constantly Hawking and Spitting."
THOMAS J. ) -BING, Esq., 290 Pine Street,
St. Louis, Mo., writes: "I was a great sufferer
from catarrh for three years. At times I could
hardly breathe, and was constantly hawking
and spitting, and for the last eight months
could not breathe through the nostrils. I
thought nothing could be done for me. Luck
ily, I was advised to try Dr. Sage's Catarrh
Remedy, and I am now a well man. I believe
it to be the only sure remedy for catarrh now
manufactured, and one has only to give It a
fair trial to experience astounding results and
a permanent cure."
Three Bottles Cure Catarrh.
ELI ROEBrS, Runyan P. 0., Columbia Ce.,
Pa., says: "31y daughter had catarrh when
she was five years old, very badly. I saw Dr.
Sage's Ca arrh Remedy advertised and pro
cured a bottle for her, and Aoon saw that It
helped her; a third bottle effected a perma
nent cure. She is now eighteen years old and
sound and hearty."
P !q V137
AND IRONING POWDER.
HOW TO WASH AND IRON
The art of starmhing, Lroning and wahl
brought to perfection n"Roen or Dxar.
Added to starch gives splendid glsbody,
stiffness and polish. The only wsigcomn
pound that can be so used. '?reventastac
rolli orrubbing up. MesIron slipeay
A revelation m housekeeping. A boon to wo
men. A new discover, beats the world. Cle's
and purifies evrtig. Invaluable as the
only safe, noninurious a id perfect washer
and cleanser for general household puross
done in any laundry. Boiling not necessry.
10 &25c. pks. at all first-class, well stocked
Grocers. ESWlsJersey City N. J., U..A.
UR E i~usTeol shaCten
worIt tt. w pa.Ar.in ty cureAsb
U i i o ) n v'er Lute tlonabe evidence
DI. ii. W. ISAlit. w . 4th st. Cineinnati.O.
Gua prnts. "' BEST INTH
urate a absolutel y WOLO
safe. ?Lade in all szes for
lage or smanl game.
B A LA L A RD
aed fo Illatrated Cataoguei.
aunl Fire Arms Co., New lBaven, Con.
P RANMR 4RR
F OR ONE DOLLAR.
NEA first clas rietionary gotten out at small
pce to eneour g~c the study of the Grman
Srman e.pilvn-a.~ a nd Ge'rman words with Englis
( 'tio. A- Bv ry e p b dt. bnd $1.00 to
'.- ( ii y ant ge~teo.' of th'xe hooks by return mail.
BEAUTY WAFERS' adt~~o e
DRa. ii,,r. A. F. tl1 .Vu r o II'rald on
WAFERS. wei.lt'ek. vt.. lady writes. June 28;
Plea-e send moe another box of' your most precious
r-r. tampblAsnie~ rcm(.nplexioni Waters: they
a 9. 1 46 wt.Xm ': h.-t. N w York. Druggists.
BT INTHWLD GREASE
Er Oe theGenur~e. Sold Everywhere.
N1, fl*I1 Great English Gout and
iazlr r haS. Rheumatic Remedy.
(ival o S4i round, i4 Pills.
OPIH forphne Hbit Cured in 10
E Waterproot Coat~
n a gum or rather coat. Tb" F15IS BED SLIC
.aoo dw~ yepvu' d~ ne h ards 'o
1ttnena toA. J. TowERT.2) 5immonSt..Bhoeinn.Mzef5
A Reedy for el1 Diseases of the Liver, Kid
rnes, Stomahand owls.A ositve3
S ( antiaon seone to two teaepuo:iluls.