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?" Every Man Hates the Thought That His Wife's Patience Is the Outgrowth of Getting Along With Him *J>
Their New Year Eve Celebration Turns Out to Be Expensive
MABEL HERBERT URNER
SUUIU comfort this,'* yawned
Warren, settling himself by the
library table. "Beats scouting
■■round with any New Years eve
crowd all hollow."
"It does, doesn't It?" Helen drew
nearer her work basket. "Dear, our
evenings at home are always the
best. Think of how much money we
■pent last year—and what did we get
©ut of It?"
"Rotten headache the next day."
"It does seem so foolish," with an
■dr of superiority, "for people to
crowd in noisy, stuffy restaurants and
spend a lot of money Just because It's
New Year's eve. You'd think—"
"Now, who In the devil's that?"
"Til answer It," putting down her
embroidery and going over to the
phone. "Yes? • • • Oh —Hello.
Not a thing—we've decided
to have a quleet evening at home. •
• • Oh. you're downstairs? Oh,
no! I—l—wait—you speak to War
"It'ss Mr. Stevens," she whispered
as Warren took the receiver. "They're
downstairs in the car and want us
to go out with them."
"Hello, old man! • • • Why, I
guess not; we thought we'd cut it
out this year. • • • Which way
did yo uocme? p ÜBroadway? Pret
ty much of a crowd? Well, hold the
wire a minute."
Placing his hand over the receiver.
Warren turned to Helen.
"See here, they just want us to
drive around town a bit. They say
it's not cold and there's a big crowd
out. What do you think?"
"But. dear," began Helen, protest
ingly, "I thought we were—"
"All right," speaking into the phone
—for when Warren asked Helen's
opinion it was only to give him time
to make up his own mind. "'We'll be
"But. Warren, I'm not dressed!"
"Well, hustle into anything. We'll
not get out of the car."
Although she hated to be hurried,
Helen could dress quickly, and In a
few moments she was ready.
The Stevenses had driven around
the block, but the car drew up again
as they came down.
THE SAME INTRNTION
"We were going to stay in thjs
evening, too," admitted Mrs. Stevens,
as Helen settled herself under the fur
robe beside her. "But Henry got res
tive. Will you be warm enough in
that?" feeling Helen's rather thin
coat. Henry's fur coat Is right there
under the seat."
As it was growing colder Helen
was glad to slip it on.
Uptown the streets were quiet- But
as they aped down Broadway they
ran Into the New Year crowd. There
was nothing new, nothing different
from what It had been last year or
the year before—the same ear split
ting horns, bells and whistles.
Helen wondered how any one could
get up the en -huslasm year after year
to take part In this pushing, crowd
ing atreet hilarity.
In spite of the extra force of police
men the crowd overflowed the side
walks Into the streets, barring the
progress of the cars, whose constant
ly squawking horns added to the gen
"Can't get through that crush," for
now the people were massed black
ahead. "Getting cold, anyway," grum
bled Mr. Stevens. "We'd better go in
somewhere and see what's doing."
"Oh, but we cam't get a table now,
can we?" ventured Helen. "Every
"Not this year. Not when Wall
street's broke," declared Warren. "I'll
wager we can get a table anywhere."
"How about Maxwell's, Mr. Stevens
suggested. "That's right above here."
When they drew up before Max
well's Helen left the car reluctantly,
feeling that she was neither dressed
nor in the mood for this place.
"Tickets, sir," demanded the head
waiter as they entered.
"No, we haven't a table reserved.
See if you can get us one," and Mr.
Stevens slipped him a bill.
"I'll see what I can do for you. sir."
The next moment he had taken a
"reserved" card from one of the most
desirable tables in the room and seat
ed them with a nourish.
"That shows they're hard put."
laughed Mr. Stevens. "Last year you
couldn't have touched this table with
a two-spot. Why, there's Jo Hillard,"
rising to speak to some friends at a
table just back of them.
"Well, what'll we have?" asked
•'We're serving only a special sup
per, sir; $5 a plate," volunteered the
waiter, distributing the gayiy deco
rated supper cards.
"The devil you are! Why didn't you
tell us that when we came In?"
"Each supper includes a pint of
champagne, sir," conciliated the
THE BKST .OF IT
"But, dear, we don't want supper,
do we?" whispered Helen.
"Might as weli see it through, now
we're here. How about it, Stevens?"
as Mr. Stevens now returned to their
table. "They're serving only a |i
supper. Shall we stay?"
"Why, yes. Not much doing now,
but guess they'll whoop it up later."
There was a special cabaret pro
gram, and the stage at the end of the
dining room was profusely decorated
With holiy *nd colored lights. Hut
The Calland Post's Magazine and Fiction Pages
the atmosphere of festivity seemed
"No, it's not nearly so lively as It
was at Chandler's last year," observed
Mrs. Stevens when a song and dance
trio had finished their turn with only
a feeble ripple of applause.
"Told you Wall street was broke. I
was down there last week. Jove,
those brokers are a blue lot! They'll
not spend much tonight. Hold on
there!" demanded Warren. "Let's see
Reluctantly the waiter unwrapped
the napkin from the bottle.
"Thought so! If you serve cham
pagne with your supper, why don't
you serve a decent brand? Rather
have a good bottle of beer than that
"Look," whispered Mrs. Stevens, as
a woman in a heavily beaded evening
gown swept . by. "I saw that very
gown at Ardman's last week—s2so!"
"We're about the only people here
not dressed," complained Helen.
"Oh, they don't care what you wear
—long as you spend your money."
As it drew near 12 the tables be
gan filling up, but It was not the hi
larious crowd of last New Year.
Every one had the champagne served
with the dinner, but few ordered
more. "Hard times" were apparent-
Helen was wondering if Warren
would have to pay the bill. While
Mr. Stevens was always willing W do
his part, somehow it was always
Warren who paid. Because they went
in the Stevenses car. Warren always
felt under obligations to pay more
than his share of their outings.
But tonight, as neither she nor
Warren had wanted to go out. Helen
thought this should be the Stevens
The thought that she was not
dressed rankled, too. If she had
known they were going to supper she
would have worn her Paris gown and
her lavalliere. But to spend all this
money and feel uncomfortable and In
appropriately dressed it seemed such
With the first stroke of 12 came
the customary turning off of the
lights and a burst of hilarity. After
this the merriment soon died out. In
marked contrast to last year, when It
had kept up until almost dawn.
"Well, this seems pretty dead." ob
served Warren. "Ready to goT*
"Here, that's mine," protested Mr.
Stevens, when the waiter brought the
"Nothing of the kind," as Warren
took possession of It.
"Now, look here, Curtis, we brought
you out. This is my supper."
But already Warren was taking
some bills from his wallet.
"Then let's match for it," Mr. Ste
vens drew out a quarter.
"All right," laughed Warren.
Mr. Stevens flipped the coin. Helen
leaned forward tensely. It was
heads! Warren would have to pay!
Somehow It always came out that
She could not see the check, but it
must be at least twenty-five—the
suppers alone were twenty, besides
the mineral waters, cigars, cordials
and the tip.
The drive home through the now
deserted streets was as depressing as
the drive home always is after an
evening of stimulated gayety.
Helen kept thinking of the twenty
five dollars and of how little they
had for it. She could have bought a
Persian rug for the hall for twenty
And all the table linen that would
have bought! She was planning to
get some during the January white
goods sales. And the candelabra she
wanted for the dining room! What
they had spent on this supper would
have bought a wonderful cadelabra!
When the Stevenses dropped them
at their door their "good night!" and
their final "Happy new year" were
"Well, our quiet evening at home
turned out to be a rather expensive
one," was Helen's untactful comment
as she switched on the lights i». their
'Now, what do you mean by that?"
savaigely. "Hinting at my paying
that check? Well, when I go any
where—l'll keep up my end! Under
stand? What do you want me to be,
Helen, remembering that the new
year was hardly an hour old, did not
year was hardly an hour old, did not
want to begin it with discord.
"No, dear," resting her head for a
moment against his arm; "I'm glad
you DO your share. You know. |'m
just as fiercely independent as you
are! I just meant that if we'd stayed
at home, we'd have saved that much.
Hut it's horrid and mercenary of me
to think of it that way."
Not the Same
Robert E. Chambers, at a literary
luncheon in Garden City, replied to an
attack on publishers made by a young
"If there is a demand for an au
thor's book," said Mr. Chambers, "he
will find his publisher anxious to
tr«"»it him fairly and even generously.
Of course here are exceptions—my
friend Blank's publisher, for Instance,
was an exception.
"After a short conversation one day
in Fifth avenue, Blank, on taking
leave of me. said:
" 'By the way. do you remember my
telling you that my publisher said
he would raise my royalties in a
month or so?'
"'Yes,' I replied, 'hasn't he?'
" "No. T misunderstood him. He
meant he'd try and raise the back
royalties due on the last year's sales
of my book. I haven't had a cent
jet.'- . ..
1914: "Excuse Me, It's My Dance"
The Sandman Stories
Children's Bedtime Tales
The following delightful Sandman story tells of the wedding of Puff and
Nina Kitten, two fascinating kits, which was witnessed by Snowball, Kit,
Midnight and others of the family and friends.
SNOWBALL and Kit were in their ,
accustomed place in the barn
doorway, sunning themselves, and
Midnight was playing just outside,
when he suddenly called to them.
"Wake up," he said, "here comes Puff
and Miss Nina Kitten is with him."
"I suppose you know what they are
going to tell us," said Kit.
"No," answered Snowball. "What
"I will not tell you." said Kit.
"Walt and see."
By that time Puff and Nina Kitten
had reached the yard and Kit and
Snowball went to meet them. Mid
night following on behind.
Nina Kitten blushed and hung her
head when Snowball told her he was
glad to see her and thanked him in
the most timid manner.
"Come and sit in the sun," said
Kit, leading the way to the barn door.
When they were all seated. Puff
cleared his throat and moved about a
little, and then he said. "Nina and I
have come to tell you some news."
"Indeed:" said Snowball; "we shall
be glad to hear it."
"I hope you will," said Puff, twirl
ing his tall rather nervously.
"Tou will not surprise me," said
Kit- "I have been expecting to hear
it every day for a long time.
"Do tell us," said Snowball, begin
ning to suspect by Nina Kitten's
"Nina and I are to be married to
morrow." said Puff, "and we want you
and Kit to be ushers at the wedding.
It will take place at noon in Nina's
Midnight giggled and Snowball
looked at him very sternly ond told
him to sit in the corner.
Kit and Snowball told Puff they
were very glad to have Miss Nina
Kitten for a sister in law, and con
gratulated him very heartily.
"And I want Midnight to be ring
bearer." said Nino Kitten. Midnight
came out of the corner when he heard
his name and wanted to know all
about it. "You carry the ring on a
cushion," explained Nina Kitten.
Midnight was delighted to be in the
bridal procession, and the next day he
was dressed in a stiff white ruffle in
place of the blue ribbon, and went to
When Nina Kitten came In all the
cats and kittens said, "Oh, isn't she a
lovely bride?" for she wore a long
white veil and carried a shower bou
quet of catnip that was the envy of
young and old.
Puff wore a white vest and a collar,
which made him hold his head very
high. Midnight, of course, wu ad
mired very much, and "Doesn't he
look cute?" was heard on all sides.
He held the cushion very carefully,
when all at once he stubbed his toe
and down he went the ring rolling off
in a corner. Midnight jumped up, but
then a rat, who was viewing the wed
ding party from a hole in the floor,
ran out and picked up the ring and
ran into the hole. He probably thought
it was a piece of rich cheese.
Everybody gasped, and Nina Kitten
began to cry. "Oh. my ring!" she said.
"I know it is bad luck, and I never
shall be married, or something awful
will happen if I am."
But Midnight did not stop to hear
her cry or wait to be told he was a
careless kitten. He ran straight for
the hole, and as It was quite large he
poked his head and shoulders in as
far as he could and caught the rat by
the tall and pulled him out.
Such a scramble as there was when
the others saw the rat. Every one
ran to Midnight's assistance, but so
eager were they to get the ring that
when the rat dropped it they all made
a wild rush for it and Mr. Hat es
caped with his life, but lost a tiny
piece of his tail.
Order was finally restored, and the
wedding went on without further in
terruption, and Miss Nina Kitten and
Puff were married.
"I do not think it takes very long
to get married," said Midnight to
Snowball, when the guests were
crowding around the bride.
"It doesn't," replied Snowball, "but
it takes a long time to find a nice
wife, and you usually stay married
a long time."
Then the refreshments were served
and Midnight thought that the best
part of the wedding.
"Will you live at our house?" Mid
night asked Nina Kitten.
"No," she replied. "My mother does
not want us to leave home."
"We are very sorry to lose Puff,"
said Snowball, who heard the re
Nina Kitten said she supposed they
would be, but it was not far to her
house, and she should expect them to
"I wish there would be another
wedding," said Midnight, as he
walked home with Kit and Snow
"Perhaps there will be," said Snow
ball, looking at Kit. "I intend to be
a bachelor, but Kit may not."
Kit said he had no intention at
present of becoming a benedick, but
he did not know what the future held
in store for him.
Copyright. IfllS. bj the McClure Newspaper
SyDflTcate, New York Olty.
Russian law forbids people to
marry more than five times, or to
contract a marriage after the age of
A THRILLING STORY OF
Continued from Saturday
"What's in that room?" asked the
inspector in a curt tone. Then, still
more curtly, he pushed Tommy before
him into the darker inner den of the
dead spider. The plain clothes men
and Chief Dempster followed on the
tour of inspection, leaving the room
to the grim, sprawling dead form —
tlie guardian of the camera, and the
hopeful fighter for a lost cause.
Larry Holbrook came and stood by
the side of this other Irishman. On
his face was a cordial smile that was
Just matched by the unctuous one on
Donnell's countenance. Larry's fingers
were twitching to be at that camera.
Donnell's fingers were firm on it.
"Didn't ye have a brother named
Mike Donnell in the Fifth cavalry?"
began Captain Holbrook, in a pleas
antly conversational tone.
"No. captain," replied the guardian
of the plate, smiling.
Holbrook took a judicial survey
of the other man.
"Indeed? Well ye favor each other
very much. " The bit of a brogue was
very much In evidence for Its broth
Quite casually now he began to ex
amine the camera. "Old fashioned
sort of a contrivance that —eh, Don
"Looks like a good one, though,"
returned Donnell with due import
"'Tis—German lens." And now,
having seen just enough for his pur
pose. Captain Holbrook changed the
subject with, disarming purposeless
"This Donnell I knew in the army
used to be on the New York police
force." the fingers twitched toward
the camera again. But Donnell's eyes
were twin watch dogs.
"Yes —fine fellow, too, Mike—how
long you been on the force?"
"About five years—goin' on five,"
replied Donnell precisely.
"It's a meal ticket," replied the po
liceman grinning confidentially.
"Which is the best on the average
—the salary or the pickings?" asked
"Pickings. What's that?" In a tone
of great innocence.
"A policeman who doesn't know
what 'pickings' is. Let me illustrate"
—and the air suddenly had a large
chunk of itself removed between a
rapacious thumb and forefinger.
"Have a cigar. Donnell."
Slowly, a scarlet banded perfecto
was switched from a pocket and car
ried through the air to Just where
Donnell could get its full fine aroma.
Then, as the captain tried to hand
his gift to the waiting recipient, his
fingers became very stiff and awk
ward and the cigar slipped to the
floor. Still clutching the camera with
his left hand Donnell stooped after
his 'pickings'—and that was Hol
brook's moment. By the time Donnell
had acquired his cigar, the tell tale
plate holder had gone to Join the
booty in the pocket of the captain's
As he stooped Donnell managed to
articulate: "Yes, but ye know this
atn't New York."
Copyright. 1913. International News Service.
And as he slipped the plate holder
into his pocket Larry answered with
knowledge: "Yes —but a policeman
is a policeman the world over."
"I guess that ain't no lie," replied
Larry was fairly bursting with jubi
lant friendliness now.
"You're all right. Donnell—and if
anything ever happens to you here—
your foot slips—and you n#ver can
tell when It will—maybe I could help
you to get a start In the BIG town"—
"Think you could, sir?"
"Indeed—and I do."
And Larry was ready to welcome
back to the room even such ,once
dangerous foes as the chief and the
"Chief, I don't suppose we can get
back to the filibustering matter to
night?" he queried.
"No—captain—this has put a crimp
"Well, any time I can assist you"—
said the victor with large generosity.
"Not tonight. * • •"
"Oh, I guess we have the matter
fairly well in hand," answered Demp
ster. For one moment that gave Hol
brook pause. But he thought of the
pockets of his dinner jacket and the
sleeve of his topcoat and took heart
He looped his coat over his arm and
set his gray fedora on his head after
a comprehensive sweep and salute.
"Well, if you're sure there is noth
ing I can do—goodnight."
And he thought the battle won. But
the battle had not yet begun.
Over the table In his den sprawled
the dead spider—poisonous, danger
ous even in death. And in a dainty
bedroom not far away a girl was
staring out Into the night with eyes
that were learning to look on horror.
The men Holbrook left behind him
in the spider's den went on with their
grim business of tracking every pos
sible clew that led to the destroyer of
the poison creature before them. And
the sprawling thing that had once
been called by his fearful victims a
dangerous and powerful man lay un
disturbed across the table where he
A little girl, finding her grand
father dozing, clambered on to his
knee and endeavored to awaken him
by pulling his eyelashes. Annoyed at
being disturbed from a peaceful nap,
the old man scolded the child for her
"Wough," she exclaimed, pouting,
"I wasn't wough. I was only twying
to open your eyes by the stwings."
the efficacy of this thoroughly tried
home remedy is never misplaced. In
every way—in health, strength, spir
its and in looks—women lind them
selves better after timely use of
3w!d •▼•rrwhere, Ia boxot. 10*., 23«.
S??king a Husband
ff/V H - is that the way you make
I I them, Mary?"
"Sure, an' Miss Peggy, how
did you think you'd be makin' them?"
"Oh, cut a hole out of the middle
of each round thing, and fill It up
with jelly, and bake It."
Mary Interrupted with a burst of
hilarious laughter, and as I patted
and pinched the crust for the tarts,
I decided that it must be harder to
be a cook than a nurse.
"You put the jelly in afterwards,"
said Mary, as she shoved the pan
Into the oven. And I, full of pride
that I was doing my first bit of bak
ing for Dr. Hammond, who was com
ing down to dinner, settled back In
the big kitchen chair to wait for the
tarts to bake.
Mary bustled around the kitchen in
the most businesslike way, and I
sighed and looked reflectively out
through the glass door of the laun
dry. It was raining, just the kind of
a steady rain that made me long for
the cool pink and white couch up in
the den, and tnat book that had just
come up from the library. I tugged
absently at my apron, and then, with
my thoughts still far away, I woke
to the fact that Mary was speaking
"Sure an' Miss Peggy, why don't
you run upstairs and let me take
care of the tarts? Who's to know
the difference, child?"
But I said decidedly: "No, Mary, I
must do It my own self. Next time
I'll know just how it's all done, and
Doctor Hammond Just loves tarts."
The tinkle of the telephone, and I
"Hello, yes, this is Miss Dean. Oh,
Doctor Hammond? Yes, I'm very
busy. I'm expecting company for
"You're not coming? Why? Oh,
of course you can't in a case like that.
Why do people have to go and get
hurt anyway? Yes, of course I un
derstand. Don't you need me to help?
1 wish I could."
"Do you really? Well, that helps
some. Anyway I needed you to help
me cheer up, It's such a horrid day.
Oh, yes, and we're going to have tarts
for dinner. Yes, I knew you'd be
sorry. Next time? Well, maybe. You
see I'm making them, and—"
"Of course I can cook. Please don't
jolly. Oh, no, you won't, you'll be too
bus'- to miss even the tarts."
"The tarts, perhaps, not you"—the
words sang across the wire, and I sat
down on the stairs in the dark and
reflected. He really did want to
come. And the thought that he would
miss me even in the rush of an acci
dent case, and the deepening of his
voice when he said those last words—
my face burned, and I put my fingers
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up over my eyes and wondered what
had come over me. Just then, I
wanted to be a nurse more than any
thing else in the world, because I
wanted to be where he was. Then I
allowed myself to dwell upon the de
lights of being a hospital nurse. The
fascinating smell of the place, the
restlessness and rush of It all. And
then as it all came back to me that
afternoon when I had first met him,
the shine of his hair under the elec
tric light and the funny little impulse
I had to rumple It up, I smiled and
thought it a good thing that men do
not always know what we women are
thinking about. Peggy, dear, you
are learning, every day you know a
little more, and yet you're a little
frightened, you might as well 'fess
up. Things are so very, very strange,
and you don't know yourself as well
as you thought you did, do you?
"Miss Peggy, Miss Peggy." came
Mary's ster.torian tones from the kit
chen, "your tarts are burnin'; sure.
Miss, you'd better be tendin' to them."
And I flew to the rescue. "It's all
right to be a nurse, Peggy," I scolded
severely, as I pulled out the smoking
pastry from the oven, "but it strikes
me that you'd better learn to be a
good cook first." But I felt a whole
lot better when Mary, laughing at
my dismayed face, said good natured
ly, ''Sure an. Miss Peggy, you never
know your luck; next time you'll be
havln' better luck with your tarts,
too." Mary is a natural born philoso
I INEXHAUSTIBLE ROME
Skeffington S. Norton, the head of
America's pioneer shipping firm, said
at a dinner at Pelham Manor, apropos
of a recent visit to Rome:
"Rome is wonderful. Rome is in
exhaustible. There is a story that de
scribes Rome well.
"The pope was giving audience. He
said to a lady in black:
" 'How long have you been In
" 'Three weeks,' the lady answered.
" 'Ah,' said the pope, 'then you
have seen Rome?'
"And he turned to an American'
merchant and asked:
" 'And you, sir, how long have you
been in Rome?'
" Three months,' the American re
" 'You. then, have begun to see
Rome.' said the pope. And he next
accosted an elegant woman with gray
" 'How long, madam,' he asked,
'have you been here?'
"'Three years,' the woman an
" 'You,' he said, "have not yet begun
to see Rome.' "