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HUMORS OF THE DAT.
Tnn nobbiest tiling in boots is a
Song of the cheese "Will you lovo
mo wliou I mould ?"
A stockholder in n street railway
company the driver.
The. proof of the pudding is the
rapidity with which the children get
away with it.
"Weil, I'll be bound," as the man
remarked when he heard quoted the
lines, "Chains of gold arc fetters still."
A man who " traveled on his shape"
insulted a young lady, and her father
knocked him down and traveled on his
shape, too walked all over him.
That little girl unwitting'y gave utterance
to the principles cf many of her
elders when she wrote in her composition :
"We should make mistakes and tell lies
as seldom as it is convenient."
Girls should be careful how they are
vaccinated with virus taken from a
lover's arm. One at St. Paul has taken
to- swearing, silting cross-legged, aud
smoking a brier root pipe. Detroit Ficc
Mr. Brown wants to punish the liquor
drinker as well as l! liquor teller.
Fogg says he will go a step beyond Mr.
Brown. He wants the itself
punished and ho is willing to punish all
he can of it. Boston Tiaiistripl.
"Pa," asiced Fogg's hopeful, the
other evening, " what kind of combs do
you use to curry chickens with ?" " Coxcombs,"
replied Fogg, promptly. Pogg
says he believes in always answering a
child when you can. Bodon Transcript.
"No," said Gallager, "I don't keep a
bull-dog because I want a dog to Jigut.
I'd rattier give $50 than have my dog
fight. But by Judas, I do like the satisfaction
of feeling that he can chaw the
stuffing out of any blame dog that comes
"Alas, Ave must part," as the coat-tails
said when the street-car passenger
took his seat. "But we'll meet again,"
ns the coat-tails said when three fat
women got aboard. "United wo stand,"
as the coat-tails said "for the rest of the
ride. Louisville Courier-Journal.
They tell of a man out West who was
putting a blast in a well, and it wont off
prematurely and blew him out into an
apple tree about fifty feet away. In a
moment he recovered himself, and remarking,
"The Lord knows better than
I do after all; I guess it is almest time
to go pruning," took a large pruning
knife from his pocket and set to work.
Fun at a dinner party: The youngest
gentleman (it is his first visit) has broken
the ice at last by inquiring the name of
the hostess' little daughter, to which the
child has replied "Ethel." "And why,
Ethel, do you keep patting me on the
urmV" "Because mamma says your
a muff" (awful pause, dinir'r which
the child strokes him down)- (nit you
don't feel like one, you know." tableau:
child complacent nobody ehe. Judy.
A Fair Average.
The Oil City Drrr'wk has heard so
many stories about narrow escapes,
thrilling incidents and strange coincidences
during the Intewar, that it begins
to think the whole number of truthful
anecdotes of this kind must bo pretty
near exhausted. It would certainly seem
as though they had all been told, and
what are now being related are for newspaper
purposes; but we don't know.
There were a good many instances in the
lute war where somebody came very near
, Jiaving a narrow escape, but missed, and
he is now fertilizing Southern soil. There
were also lots of what would have been
strange coincidences, but tjioy did not
quite make the enrom; and there wore
thrilling incidents that nobody knows
anything about, for sufficient .rear
sons. No; we guess-it is hardly time yet
to stop relating ntjw. anecdotes pi j4io'
late war. Those that are now being related
may be bald faced fabrications,
and wo presume many of them"iHre;ibut
fthey jiill serve iBupplv;tlidacbuo in-
Jfbccurrd' of which nbfone
Ccidontafthat iSll (thS tale1, r4l uponTthe
whole there will bo a fair average.
PILES! PILES! PILES?
A Sure Cure Found ill Last Wo One
A sure cure'.lor blind, bleeding, Itching and
ulcerated piles has been discovered by Dr.
William, (an Indian remedy,) called Dr. Williams'
Indian Ointment. A single box has
cured the worst chronic cases of twenty-five or
thirty years standing. No one need suffer five
minutes after applying this wonderful soothing
medicine. Lotions Instruments and
do more harm than good. Williams'
Ointment absorbs the tumors, allays tlio in
tense Itching, (particularly at night alter getting
warm in bed,) acts as a poultice, gives in
slant and painless relief, and is preparded only
for piles, itching of the private parts, and not
Read what the Hon. J. M. Cofllnberry, of
Cleveland, says about Dr. William's Pile Ointment;
I have used scores of pile cures, and It
affords me pleasure to say that 1 have never
found anything which gave me such immediate
and permanent relief as Dr. Williams' Indian
For sale by George T. Wood or mailed on
celptof price, 8K
Ji ENRY & CO., Sole Prop'rs,
G2 Vesey Street, N. Y.
Skin Diseases Cured
By Dk. Fkazieu's Magic Ointment. Cure
as if by magic, pimples, black head or grubs,
blotches and eruptions on the face, leaving the
skin clear, healthy and beautiful. Also ures
itch, barber's itch,saltrhcum, tetter.ringworm,
scald head, chapped hands, sore nipples, sore
lips, old obstinate ulcers and sores, &c.
F. Drake, Esq., Cleveland, O., suffered beyond
all description from a skin disease which appeared
on his hands, head and face, and nearly
destroyed his eyes. The most careful doctoring
failed to help him, and alter all had failed he
used Dr. Frazier's Magic Ointment and was
cured by a few applications.
The first aud positive cure tor skin diseases
Kent bv mail on receipt of price, fifty cents
HENRY fc CO., Sole Prop'rs,
02 Vesey Street, N. Y.
For blind, bleeding, itching or ulcerated piles.
Dr. Williams' Indian Pile Ointment is a sure
cure. Price 81, -by mall. For sale by George T.
Dr. Frazier's Hoot Hitters.
Frazier's Root Bitters are not a dram-shop
whisky beverage, but are strictly medicinal in
every sense. They act strongly upon the liver
and kidneys, keep the bowels open and regular,
make the weak strong, heal the lungs, build
up the nerves and cleanse the blood and system
of every impurity.
For dizziness, rush of blood to the head
tending to apoplexy, dyspepsia, fever and
ague, dropsy, pimples and blotches, scrofulous
humors and sores, tetter, ring worm, white
swelling, erysipelas, sore eyes and for young
men suffering from weakness or debility caused
from imprudence, and to females In delicate
health, Frazier's Root Bitteis are especially
Dr. Frazier : I have used two bottles of your
Root Bitters lor dyspepsia, dizziness, weakness
and kidney disease, and they did me more good
than the doctors and all the medicine I ever
used. From the first dose I took I began to
mend, and I am now in perfect health, and
feel us well as I ever did. I consider your medicine
one of the greatest blessings,
Miw. M. Mahtjn, Cleveland, O.
Sold by George T. Wood at SI per bottle.
HENRY & CO., Sole Prop'rs,
02 Vesey Street, N. Y.
NKSHIXT fc DIcKKELL,
Xo.WSUTTOX STREET, - - - Maysville, Xy
SPLENDID new stock of Staple and Fancy
Dry Goods bought at bottom prices for cash.
K3"Lowest prices is our business motto.
NESB11T & McKRELL.
Contractors and Builders,
ESTIMATES promptly and cheerfully
lor all work in our line. Shop on
Third street near Wall, Maysvllle, Ky. mm
AU I. AA'BEHSOW
i'o. 21 Market St. , nearly opp. Central Hotel,
OJ)lcc Open at all Hours. MA YSVILLE, AT.
Attorney and Counsellor at Law,
mar21daw Maysville, Kj
Union insurance Co.
OF PHILADELPHIA, PA.
Incorporated 1804. Cash capital, 8500,000.
M. F. MARSH, Agent,
di) No. 12 Court street.
ONE WEEK ONLY.
MONDAY, MAY 15.
including SATURDAY MATINEE at 2:30 p. m.
The Great Eastern Specialty Combination,
An unrivaled demonstration of Wit, Art and
Beauty. Every member of the troupe Is au artist
ot undoubted merit A sti lotly
and moral entertainment. A GRAND BALLOON
ASCENSION in front of the Opera
House every evening at 7 o'clock Doors open
at 7 p. m.; performance commencing at 8 p. m.
OH ALLEN DER'S
NEW METHOD OF
Without the use of Olamps or Medicines, and
without danger of bleeding. I cancastrateany
ridgling horse that has not been out into more
than two Inches. I wijl bo at Jackson's Livery
stable on Thursday, May 18th.
C. A. CHALLENDER,
mlCd&wtf Suigeon and Horse Doctor.
HAVE just received a new and handsome
I assortment of MILLINEKY GOODS ol the
Latest and McstFashionatle Styles.
I would respectfully ask the Ladles to call
and see my stock of French Bonnets, Plumes,
Laces, Notions, Hats, and a variety of other
goods which I will sell at bai gains.
mlOd&wlm MISS MAGGIE RASP.
3? VixsiCM iiu(t Jtritu '&'& t&Am WIS
For sale by all grocers. ap213md
rAM DAILY RECEIVING
NEW DESIGNS IN
China and Glassware,
which I will sell very low. Clocks repaired.
myfidly G. A. McCARTHEY.
r HAVE a full supply ol the best
L DERTEA in the market. Give me atrial
mj 91yd GEO. Jl. HEISER.
persons wishing to take lesions in this
ALL will call at MISS LOU POWLING'S
Millinery and Notion Store, Second street.
Queensware, Glass and Tmvare
For sale at REDUCED rates at
SIMON & BRO.'S,
15 Market St., East side, between i!nd and 8rd.
JOSEPH F. BRODRICK
a a- .- -
mm : m m.
CITY AM) COUNTY DIRECTOR V.
C'onrls Circuit Conrt.
Commonwealth's Attorney T. A. Curran.
Clerk B. D. Parry.
Deputies: j. H. Hice.
Jailer Ed. Gault.
Tuesday alter second Monday in January
April, July and October in each year.
l ronnly ciourf.
Judge-G. 8. Wall.
County Attorney J . L. Whltaker. u
Clerk-W. W. Ball.
Second Monday ot each month.
Tuesday after second Monday In Mnrch,June
September and December in each year.
Maysville, No. 1. W. H. Pollock and J. L
Grant, lirstand third Tuesdays In March, June
September and December.
Maysville, No. L'. Wm. Pepper and W. L
Holt on, first Saturday and fourth Tuesday
same months. ,
Dover, No. 3 A. A. Gibbon and A. F. Dobyns
first and third Wednesday, same month.
Minerva, No. 4-0. N. Weaver aud J. H. Watson,
first and third Tuesdays, same months.
Germantown,No.5 S. F. Pollock and James
Feeon, first and third Saturdays, same months.
Sardis, No. C-J. M. Ball and J. W. Tilton
second aud fourth Saturdays, same months.
Mayslick, No. 7-0. W. Williams and J. D
Raymond, second and fourth Fridays, same
Lewisburg, No. 8 J. M. Alexander and
Abner Hord, second and fourth Thursdays,
Oiangcburg, No. 0 W. D. Coryell and W.J.
Tully, first Saturday and last Monday, same
months. , ,.
Washington, No. 10 John Ryan and James
Smithers, fourth Tuesday and third Wednesday,
Murphysville, No. 11 Lewis Jefferson aud
E. L. Gault, fourth Monday aud thiid Thursday,
same months. , ,
Fern Leaf, No. 12-S. E. Mnstin and J. B.
Burgess, second and fourth Saturdays, sam
Maysville, No. 1 J. P. Wallace.
Maysville, No. 2 W. L. Moran.
Dover, No, 3-W. B. McMillan.
Minerva, No. 1 James Runyon.
Germantown, No. 5 Isaac Woodward.
Sardis, No. C J . A. Collins.
Mayslick, No. 7 Thomas Murphy.
Lewisburg, No. 8 S. M. Strode.
Orangeburg, No. 0- Thomas Hise.
"Washington, No. 10 James Gault.
Murphysville. No. 11 W. R. Prather
Fern Leaf, No. 12-B. W. Wood.
Society aicetinjrs Mosonic.
Confidence Lodge, No. 52, first Monday ol
Mason Lodge, No. S42, third Monday of each
Maysville, Chapter, No. 9, second Monday ol
Maysville Commandery, No. 10, fourth Monday
of each month.
1. O. O. F.
Pisgah Encampment, No. fl, second and
fourth Mondays in each months at 7 o'clock.
DeKalb Lodge. No. 12, Tuesday night, each
week, at 7 o'clock.
Ringgold. No. 27, Wednesday night, each
week, at 7 o'clock.
k. or r.
Limestone Lodge, No. 30, Friday night ol
I. O. W. M.
Wednesday night each week, at their hall on
Second and fourth Sundays in each month
at their ballon Limestone street.
Father Matltew T. A. S.
First Sunday In each month, at their hall on
S:. Patrick's Benevolent Society.
Second Sunday in each mouth, at their ha
on Limestone street.
Cijrnr Makers' Unioai.
Flist Tuesday night in each month,
Monday night ol each week.
K. C. R. R., anives at 9:30 a. m. and 8:15 p. m
Departs at 5:45 a. m, and 12 in.
Bonanza, down Monday. Wednesday and
Fridays at 0 p. m. Up Tuesday, Thursday and
Saturday at b p. in.
The Board of Council meets the first Thursday
evening in each month.
Mayor Horace January.
President L. Ed. Pearce.
First Ward-Fred. Beudel.E.D Nute, L.Ed,
Second Ward Dr.G. W. Martin, Thomas J
Chenoweth, M. C. Hutchins.
Tnird Ward Matt. Pearce, Richard Dawson
Fourth Waid-Dr. J. P. Phlstor, B.
John W. Alexander.
Fifth B. Mathews James Hall
Treasurer and Colleotor E. E. Pearce.
Clerk Harry Taylor.
Marshal-E. W. Fitzgerald.
Wharfmaster Robert Flcklln.
Wood and Coal Inspector Peter Parker,
Markotmaster M. T. Cockorlll.
City Physician Dr. J.T. Strode.
Keeper of Alms House Mrs. 8. Mills.
A NICE nice lot ot Wallcing Canes just received,
which we will sell heap. Give us
a call. A. SORRIES & SON, Second street,
mtitfd above Yancey A Alexander's stable.