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" HEW TO THE LINE, LET THE CHIPS FALL WHERE THEY MAY." v T
VOLUME 1. MAYSYILLE, TUESDAY EVENING, NOVEMBER 21, 188)3. NUMBER 311.
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Hr. Spoon en dyke's Soarch for tiio
Oh, dear!" grunted Mrs.
"I'm sure I'm going to die!" and
the good woman Hopped over in the
bed and contemplated her husband with
a pale face and a look of general debility.
'You will bo good to baby, won't
"Oh, ho!" returned Mr.
pounding her tenderly on the
head with his big hand. "You're all
right. Bear up against it, and you'll
be well in an hour or two. I've often
had the cholera morbus, but j'ou never
see me give up like this. Where's the
"I don't know," moaned Mrs.
"Look on the top shelf of the
closet. If it isn't there, try the bottom
drawer of the wardrobe ; or it may bo
in the pantry. and 'Mrs.
Spoopendyko iloubled up and straightened
out with a jerk.
"You can't remember any other Congressional
Districts represented by that
ginger, can you?' growled Mr.
prowling around the room in
an aimloss but energetic fashion. "You
don't call to mind a couple more roost-
be lound, do vou.''
top sholf?"' and
that ginger is to
Whore'bouts on the
rattled around the old bottles and empty
pill-boxes. "Look here! I've found
that court-plaster I wanted day before
yesterday!" and more than gratified
with his find 'Mr. Spoopendyko utterly
forgot the original object of his search.
"You'll send baby to a good school,
and see that she marries happily,
dear?" groaned Mrs. Spoopendyko,
adopting a woman's style of hinting that
the ginger would be acceptable. "And
you'll bury ma by mother?"
" Certainly," replied Mr.
immersed in the contemplation of
the court-plaster. Where's the sheet
of that was here?" he demanded.
"I don't seem, to deteot the
presence of that particular element of'
adhesiveness ! Where's the flesh-colored
portion of this curative?" and Mr.
Spoopendyko ran over the little squares
again in a vain search for the piece he
" Did you look in the wardrobe,loveP"
asked Mrs. Spoopendyke, faintly.
"It isn't here!" growled Mr.
raking over the contents of the
drawer and turning them over with his
foot. "What ? Upon my word!
you're a pretty woman ! I thought you
said that old razor strap of mine was
lost when we moved. Hero it is as big
as life and twice as dirty. Glad I found
that strap," mumbled Mr.
rubbing it tenderly and blowing
off the dust. "Got a piece of cloth?"
"0, do look in the pantry!" pleaded
Mrs. Spoopendyke. I'm sure it's
in the pantry ! "
Mr. Spoopendyke charged on the
gantry like a column of horse, and
mstled around and bumped his head,
3ut didn't seem to meet with much success.
"I don't see any," he muttered.
"Don't you know where you keep your
cloth P I s'pose I might 8 tand around
here till doomsday, white the moths corrode
and thieves do break into this razor
strap and steal the whole business, without
finding a piece of cloth to wipe it
on. Haven't ye got an old skirt or
something P" And Mr. Spoopendyke
drew the strap under his arm two or
three times and regarded it affectionately.
' Oh, please find the ginger!" squealed
Mrs. Spoopendyke; as another spasm
caught h&t. "Never mind your old
strap I Flmd, the ringer)
V Aint I looking lor itf" retortadm
Spoopendyke. "He're'f a oork, aodtJit
bottle canTt..be. fat off. Wbn I .'find
that bottle I'll have a clue to the ginger,
and I'm going to follow it to the bitter
end. You ought to save those corks
anvwav wlip.n I rn fishincr. Hiul
of a looking bottle was it?"
"It was long and narrow," replied
Mrs. Spoopendyke, almost in despair.
" 1 ought to iind it from
muttered Mr. Spoopendyko.
"Most bottles are perfectly round.
Here1s the arnica bottle upside down,
and 1 told you to keep it filled. I might
knock my elbow into the next Presbyterian
General Assembly, and I'd have
to wait all day before I could get a drop
of arnica to soothe my anguish! What's
this straw hat of mine doing in the bottle
box, anyhow P What particular
malady did this hat have that suggested
such a disposition of it?" and Mr.
smoothed out the crown and
squinted with one eye while he straightened
the brim. "That's a good hat,
yet," and he put it on and regarded
himself in the glass. You wanted some
ginger, didn't you! Where is it?
Where'd you put it?"
Mrs. Spoopendyke arose from the
bed, pale but firm, and stalking across
the room seized the bottle and Uouncod
back into the bed with a bump that
showed she was mad. There is nothing
an earth that will so express a woman's
wrath as that one dive among the
" Getting better, ain't ye?" snorted
Mr. Spoopendyke. "I told yc the chob
era morbus didn't last long. Where's
that razor strap P What'd yo do witt
that strap P"
Mrs. Spoopendyko eyed him, buJ
made no response.
Point out to me the present address
of that strap!" howled Mr. Spoopen
dyke. "Ta'ke this finger and lay it tenderly
on the home and country of that
strap!" and Mr. Spoopendyke whirleu
around like a grindstone and filled the
air with bottles and boxes, and powder'
and pills. "Come out of the jungle and
face me!" yelled Mr. Spoopendyke,
apostrophizing the strap which he remembered
having in his hand but a moment
before. "Show me to the strap !
Take that strap by the ear and lead it
before Spoopendyke in proper person! '
and the enraged gentleman thrust his
foot through the orown of ht3 hat and
drew the wreck up to his hip.
"What's that sticking out of yout
breast pocket?" asked Mrs.
scraping off external applications
of an assortment of drugs.
' Umph!" grunted Mr. Spoopendyke,
drawing out the strap. "Found.it,
didn't ye? Another time you let things
alone, will ye? Made me spoil my straw
hat with your nonsense ! Another time
you want anything you just stand back
and lot me search! Y' understand?"
" Yes, dear," murmured Mrs.
and as her husband left the room
she took a consoling swig at the ginger
Dottle and retlected that lie hadn't en;
joyed the attack of cholera morbus much'
more than she had. Brooklyn Eaqlc.
It is announced that Mr. "Tug"
Wilson has gone home to England. A
few weeks ago ho made a small fortuno
by permitting the Hon. John Sullivan
to pound him sovoroly for half an hour,
and, taking a fancy to the country where
great wealth so surely waited upon honest
industry, Mr. Wilson concluded to
stay in America. Since then, however,
Mr. Wilson's line of business has been
interfered with by tba authorities o!
Now York and Philadelphia, and Mr.
Wilson is discouraged. -iv. Y, Sun.
Swiss ooavtits .contain
54 male aad 2,020 Jeaale; Inmates.
Tfce aggregate wealth- Is1 r 25.000. 000