Newspaper Page Text
BITS OF BY PLAY
There is a somebody on the Louisville
Daily Times who contributes
.oniethiur like a column to it- paires
under a special caption. The signboard
at the head of the column
reads "All Around the Town.'
This signboard is decorated around
the edges with an eight point linotype
border which produces a ort of park
flower bed effect.
We started to .ay this somebody
was a bright young man, but upon
reflection we decided it might be a
bright young lady. He that a it
may, the column biightcus up the
pages of the Times. In the issue of
July 2nd there appear a story ol a
certain woman who bought mourning
irotn a well known Fourth Avenue
merchant. She explained that
her daughter wan about to die. A
week later she brought the mourning
good back and informed the clerk
that her daughter did not die.
This remiuds u of something that
occurred in Crittenden county several
years ago and we tell it here lor
the truth. We will name the man
Jones John Jones. He lived a
lew miles from Marion in the country.
Mrs, John Jones became very
ill and was expected to die. She
lingered lor months and finally after
being in this condition about one
year she did die. In a week or so
after the funeral Mr. Jones married
again and in a few days thereafter
he sat at meat in Marion. The good
woman of the house felt called upon
to direct the flow of conversation and
having heard of Mr: Jones' recent
marriage he innocently asked,
"Mr. Jones, how long has your
first wife been dead?"
This was like a bolt of lightning
out of a clear sky and Mr. Jone
halted aud stammered,
'About ahem that is to say
well, sick and dead together about
Jim Woodall has actually gone to
work. Climbing into a barber chair
the other day Jim said,
"I'm broke and I'll be dad bobbed
il that aiu't the truth. Besides I
can't get any help. My children
have all gone. 11 there is anything
done on my farm I've got to do it.
Why do you know, I have to plow It ''
And Jim locked at the barber like
he expected a denial of the statement.
"Ye', by grabs, I want to sell out
and if you see anvone who wants a
good farm cheap tell them to call on
By this time the barber had Jim
covered so with lather that there was
no sound escaped. A little bubble
on the surface indicated that Jim
still lived and breathed, and the
barber kept on shaving.
Modern dental work has gone from
an insignificant business to one of
gigantic proportions. Forty years
ago the tools needed by the dentist
were very few. Physicians all over
the country pulled teeth and that
was about the sum total of dental
43 To the taxpayers-
43 who owe taxes for the present year. J,
43 Your taxes are due. and it will save to
J trouble for all concerned if you will pay
jEj them at once,
43 I, or one of my deputies will be at
Jj Dycusburg, Tuesday July 23,
j Lcvias, Wednesday July 24,
43 Rutherford School House, July 25.
Shady Grove, Friday July 26.
Tolu, Tuesday July 30,
4? Fords Ferry, Friday August 2.
43 A due consideration of the above
43 be appreciated by
J. F. FLANARY,
.risTrj'F ' V
- "V "' jfcJ "jp
Don't have a falling out with
your hair. It might leave you!
Then what? That would mean
thin, scraggly, uneven, rough
hair. Keep your hair at home!
Fasten it tightly to your scalp !
You can easily do it with Ayer's
Hair Vigor. It is something
more than a simple hair dressing.
It is a hair medicine, a
hair tonic, a hair food.
The beat kind of a testimonial
" Sold lor over lxty yeari."
M& by 3. O. Ayer Co.. Lowll, Km.
Alio m.puraqreyw. wi
A 7 SARSAPARILU.
yers CHERRY PECTORAL.
operation. Since then there has
been a wonderful change. Modern
dcutal work is now practised all over
Obe Young passed through Marion
and drove on towards Tolu. lu his
buggy was a dental entiiue and other
tools He passed Crittenden Springs
and some distance the other side
stopped at a house. A large woman
appeared at the door. Mr. Young
"Do you need any dental work
The woman placed her right hand
behind her car and said,
'What did you say?"
"Do you need any dental work
dono?" yelled Obay as he mopped
his brow with his handkerchief.
The woman placed her hands on
her hip and with arm akimbo replied,
"Wall, no, I reckon not, there
was a man here last week that fixed
"Love laughs at locksmiths'" and
romance arc found in shingles.
Forty years airo a Mr. Fortune wrote
a note on a shingle addressed to his
prospective father-in-law. The latter
wrote his consent on the shingle
and sent it back but Mr. Fortune
never received it. A few days ago
the shingle was found and forwarded
to Fortune in the far West. With it
went a letter from the girl in the
case and she intimated that she was
still lonesome. It resulted in a
weddins:. Neither had cvrr married.
The well known drug firm of
Haynes & Taylor received a letter
not long since addressed to
"Hans ii Taler."
A lady living close to Marion sat
in the midst of a circle of friends.
The accomplishments of the daughters
ol variou ones wa under discussion.
The discussion waxed
warm. One of those preent remained
silent a ionn a he could
but finally broke forth with
"My Sarah plays the graphifoatu
beautiful. She learnt it by correspondence.'
of Crittenden county I
Crittenden County. j
The Louisville Trust Company, of
Louisville, Ky., is a banking institution
that holds all kinds of property,
both personal and realty, iu
trust for private individuals and
corporations. It has under its control
a great many houses to rent and
for a consideration attends to the
renting, repairs, insurance, taxes,
Sue Garner, a colored woman of
Marion moved to Louisville and is
living in one of the houses which is
under the control of the Louisville
Not long ago she was complaining
of the excessive rent she paid.
Rents in Louisville and Marion differ
very much because of the difference
in the price of property. Sue, however,
explained the difference by
saying that the property belonged to
a trust and the trusts made high
prices'and would yet ruin the
A few weeks ago when the Ohio
was level with the banks some of our
farmers wore very long faces. Billy
Barnett was in Marion almost treading
on hi chin, and when asked
whether or not he would sell 1000
Iiok this year, replied:
"It depends on the river."
Jim Canada says if anybody can
get closer to a corn row than he they
will have to plow it up.
A few days ago a man in New
York was looking for work. He
suspended about his neck by a cord
a placard about two feet square bear-ins:
ooooo o oo oooo
o I Want Work o
o Xo Grafter. o
o No Apologies. o
ooo oo oo ooooo
We reproduce this here for the
benefit of any one in this county
out of work. The plan is certainly
novel and it proved to be speedy.
The New York man did not have to
look long for a job.
There abode at one time in Crittenden
county a thrifty farmer. He
had long heard of the thrift of his
friend not far distant. Being of a
studious nature he desired knowledge.
He feared that his friend knew of
some methods of saving unknown to
him so he sent word he would visit
him some evening for the purpose of
getting a few lessons in economy.
He arrived at early candle light
and was ushered in the room. The
only light wa a ingle candle burning
brightly. After the usual exchange
of howdys and neighborhood
small talk the host arose aud blew
out the candle. Mr. Thrifty asked
him why he did that and was informed
it was merely a lesson in economy.
Presently the host heard a shuffling
of feet and strangely familiar sounds.
He hastily lighted the candle and
found Mr. Thrifty calmly eatcd with
his pants folded nicely across the
back of a chair.
"What on earth?" exclaimed
the host, "Do you want to go to
"Oh, no,' replied Mr. Thrifty,
"thi. is merely an exchange of
economy lessous. While we sit and
talk I thought I would remove my
pants and thereby save wearing them
out that much."
Take The Postmaster's Word For it
Mr. F. M. Hamilton, postmaster at
Cherry vale, Ind., keeps also a stock of
general merchandise and patent medicines.
He says: "Chamberlain'd Colic,
Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy is
standard here in its line. It never
fails to give satisfation and we could
hardly afford to be without it." For
sale by J. H. Orme, the leading drug
gist in Western Kentucky. Haynes &
Taylor, the enterprising druggists, of
The boss was bending over a table,
looking at the directory. The uew
office boy slipped up quietly and
poked a note into his" hand. The sur
prised boss opened it and read:
''Honored Sir: Yer pauts is
ripped. "St. Louis Post Dispatch.
Piles get quick and certain relief
from Dr. Shoop's Magic Ointment.
Please note it is made alone for Piles,
and Its action i3 possitive and certain.
Itching, painful, protruding or blind
piles disappear like magic by its use.
Large nickel.capped glass jars 50 cents
Sold by Haynes & Taylor.
THREE GRAND CHILDREN
Born In Single Night Not Triplets Either,
But Each Chilli of Separate Son.
"I have served lour years in the
Civil war, thirty-seven years in different
capacities at the Quartermaster's
Depot in Jeffcrsonville, two years as
City Clerk, two years at the St.
Louis Quartermaster's Depot, but I
never had such a thing happen before
as happened to me last night,"
said Capt. James K. Ryan. "Three
grandchildren were brought to me by
the stork at three different homes,
my three sons, John G. Ryan, Thos.
F. Ryan and William D. Ryan, being
the fathers, I can't get rid of the
idea that they knew when I get my
annual vacation, and they planned a
surprise party for me. It looks that
way, anyhow," he dcclaied.
Capt. Ryan was feeling somewhat
excited after six hours of strenuous
life. He had gone to his home, on
Ohio avenue, between l(l and ll
o'clock Wednesday night, and was
dropping into the first doze, when an
alarm was sounded on the door. He
went to investigate, and a messenger
told him there was trouble at the
home of his son, John G. Ryan,. A
hasty trip was made, and the
was found to be nothing more
serious than a healthy fine boy.
Grandpa s equanimity had hardly
been restored, when he was called to
the home of Thomas F. Ryan, where
the messenger said trouble was brew
ing. It was only a girl, and grandpa
had about reached the point where
the aid of a physician was needed for
hi m, when a telephone message from
Louisville announced that a troublesome
boy had just been handed in at
the house of William I). Ryan. And
that was the finish for grandpa that
night. Yesterday he was telling his
friends how it felt to lead such a
strenuous life, aud how he was figuring
to break even with his sons. He
has thirty days' leave, and will return
to St. Louis July :U. Louisville
A Happy family.
J. J. Mann, of Fordyce, Ark., writes:
Use Carlstedt's German Liver Power
for ten years, cured my wife of female
troubles. Haven't had a doctor for
six years, formerly paid two or three
doctor bills a year. Would not be without
it. Worth its weight in gold'
Guaranteed under the Pure Food and
Drugs Act. Price 25c. Sold by all
(BY Tom Masson.)
Bachelors can he found
at large in all parts of the world.
They inhabit apartments, clubs,
open fields, bodies of water and music
halls. They are also seen behind
scenes. They hover at times near
front gates, and have been found in
back parlors with the aid of a searchlight.
Bachelors are nomadic be nature
and variable in their tastes, never
going with one girl long enough to
be dancrous. They flourish in large
cities aud arc generally used at dinner
parties to fill in with.
Every bachelor was once a baby-being
the single instance of where
history does not repeat itself.
Bachelors are divided into two
classes selfish aud unselfish these
who are unborn being the unselfish.
The Doctor Away From Home
When Most Needed,
People are often very much disappointed
to find their family physician is
away from home when they most need
his services. Diseases like cramp
colic and cholera morbus require
prompt treatment, and have in many
instances proved fatal before medicine
could be procured or a physician summoned.
The right way is to keep at
hand a bottle of Chamberlain's Colic,
Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy. No
physician can prescribe a better medicine
for these diseases. By having it
in the house you escape much pain and
suffering and all risk. Buy it now; it
may save life. For sale by J. H.
Orme, the leading druggist in Western
Kentucky. Haynes & Taylor, the
enterprising druggists, of Marion.
DeWitt's Little Early Risers. Small,
sure, safe pills. Sold by J. H. Orme.
Open Every Night,
8 to 10:30 o'clock.
I Special Attention Given
Ladies and Children
ADMISSION 10 Cents.
LOCKYEAR'S BUSINESS COLLEGE
"A8CHOOL WITH A REPUTATION"
II WHERE CLEANLINESS IS
the old, complicated "permy" wooden beds have given way to the
simpler, cleaner and far more beautiful "Sanitaire " Beds, the beds in which
every point is open to frcih air and sunlight, and in which dust can't collect
nor vermin breed. If you would sleep in cleanliness you can't get
along without one of these hygienic
tea HD3?ggiiE 2 -a 2&
All pbyildim utgt their me. Their finlihci ire beintifal. bird tai inooib. "Snowy White" J
ni Sinltiite Cold" andKoreiol otheri. Their eiduilte designs are iturac. tail ol ctice ind
rf.i,.v. vvhv not prevent SICKNESS I TnJe your old wooden bed er rl ll twtj.
f OU indrethe "Snltire Bed." You iiewekooe. w tetter yoa buy cr net. You'll wint J,
" 5aitiire Cuirintetd Bed " ome dif. We ruanttec Siniulre Bed! lor lerriee.
HOW TO SECURE A
Handsome Hand-Decorated Dinner Set.
This is our liberal offer:
When your purchases after this date amount to $50.00 we will present
to you a handsome baud-decorated Dinner Set upon payment of $2.25 to
cover freight and packing charges. Commence your purchases at once and
you will be surprised how soon you will be able to secure one the handsome
Dinner Sets. Get a card and have your cah purchase recorded.
When the card is cancelled ask for a uew one.
One Dinner Set Free with $100.00 cash trade.
You will find these Beds on sale at
The Undertakers and Furniture Dealers
Call and See Them !
4tt M f
All large salaries are earned in business.
We train young people for profitable
employment. Our own "copyrighted" system of
bookkeeping meets modern requirements. Over
500 students annually. Fifty typewriters
for instruction purposes. Eight teachers.
Hundreds of graduates in positions.
Bookkeeping, Penmanship, Arithmetic, Correspondence,
Spelling, Business Law, Banking
Shorthand, Typewriting and Telegraphy.
Indiana's Greatest School of Business-
Cure For Constipation And
Piles Discovered At Last.
Carlstedt's German Liver Powder;
removes the cause and cures every
case. Never a failure reported. Try
it. Guaranteed under the Pure Food
and Drugs Act. Prfre 25c. Sold by
, mmmm. SShbImImBJEhB
Illustrated Songs. I
LESSONS BY MAIL
"Now wouldn't it be funny," said
Popley, playfully, "if I were to become
a little boy again?"
"Maybe it wouldn't bo so funny
for you, pa," replied his bright young
son, "If you was to bo littler'n me,
pa, I think I'd square up a few
. 4 4 t 1 . - fc A jV HZ-!;
J' 5SUfflMKV.. ,-C, ' m1& X-n Jvm &j:?lJCF' . irtw.iA?y..: $.-...
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