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"W, -- .fe..M 4
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The Mountain Signal.
Publlshoci Evory Friday.
MT. VERNON. - KENTUCKY
Hast thought, O friend, how many, long, sweet
V two liuvo journeyed kindly on together,
O'er smooth uml stony ways, with smiles and
'Xcath cloud and sun, In every kind of
Ifnsl thought one day our fellowship must
Our kir.dred ways at last will go asunder?
And one ho upward led to perfect peace,
And one he left to weep und wait and wonder?
Haht thought one happy day what welcome
Shall angels hear who guard the Heavenly
And how thenceforth ourundlildcd feet
Shall walk the shining hills of Life Immortnl?
MRS. BUTTERPAT'S CALL.
How a Lucky Attack of Chills
Mndo All Thluprs Right.
Little Mrs. Boerum, married at seventeen
to a formal gentleman in the
white goods trade, with a vast idea of
liis own importance as a landed proprietor,
who inherited his place out of
town from his grandfather, found one
or two things in her new home that
were not comfortable.
Firstly, no city servant would go out
to IVveril on the Peak, because of the
dearth of eligible beaux in thatlocality,
and her domestic assistant was Maria,
a big young woman, who had stipulated
that she was to be "treated respectful,"
and who considered herself greatly
her lady's superior in intellect.
' Secondly, Mrs. Bfttlcrpnt had not
called on her, though she arrived in
March, and it was now June. At
oril on the Peak one's social position
was established by a call from Mrs.
Butterpat. Goodness knows why.
There is no reason in such things; and
social distinction was Mrs. Boerum's
hoboy. All good wives take their tone
of thought from their husbands, and
little Mrs. Boerum had done so naturally.
So though left quite to herself,
she might never have understood how
important this call was; under the tuition
of her formal spouse she grew
morbid about it, and longed intensely
to see the Butterpat carriage drivo up
to '.he irate, and Mrs. Butteubat. doubt-
Tos-. in gorgeous satin and laee, "wearing
great diamonds in her cars, sail up
the path and hand heir card to Maria.
The little woman kept herself dressed
for the occasion that never came, and
hardly dared leave the house lest she
should miss the honor, which grew
daily more improbable.
It was a terrible mortification; moreover
her spouse perpetually "nagged"
her on the subject.
"It must bo your fault, some way,
my love," ho said one morning at
breakfast. "I confidently expected
Mrs. Butterpat would call on you
amongst the first. and
the Butterpats have been friends for
generations. You'vo said something
in your reckless way that has been
carried to her, or sho'd have called .on
viy wife, as she always did on my
mother, though of course your family
is not known in tho neighborhood."
At this Mrs. Boerum grew angry;
remarked to Mr. Boorum that she considered
her folks quito as good as his,
and set tho cream jug down with such
a whack that she chipped a bit off the
bottom. And then and there they had
the first quarrel of their matrimonial
Mr. Boorum wont off to catch the
train for tho city without kissing his
wife, and she wont to Iter room to cry
and trv to die, so that he should find
her gone forever on his return at night,
and repent in dust and ashes of his
cruelty to one ho had called his angel
only a few months before.
It was not, however, quite so easy to
die at twenty, with a good constitution,
as a broken-hearted bride might
ine; and when her nose was red, her
swollen shut, her upper lip
inflamed and thick, und all tho crimp
out of her hair, she sat up and gave
over tho attempt, and listened to a
rapid knocking on the door, which
came, as sho guessed, from the knuckles
of Maria, tho girl who had undertaken
tho light housework.
Come in!" she cried; and Maria
"I've such a headache," said little
Mrs. Boorum, with a handkerchief over
"Yx's'm," said Maria, sympathetically.
'l knowod you would when 1
heard master answering you back this
morning. If over I'm lnisfortunato
enough to marry, my husband shan't
answer me back, that I know."
"lV'iiiap3 you'd better confine yourself
to your own affairs, Maria," said
"So I shall, if that's tho thanks I got;
und don't you forget it, Mrs. Boerum,"
said Maria. "But what I came up
about was tho washwoman. She ainU
come, and it's ono o'clock."
"Oil, dear! And I want my blue
muslin!" sighed Mrs. Boerum.
"You needn't cover up your faco
from me, Mrs. Boerum," said Marin.
"I know jest how you look. Here, I'll
put some bay rum into the wasli water,
sind you bathe your faco good. How
quarrelsome men is, to be sure! Now,
shall 1 go Tor Peter Pink's aunt?
Sho washes. Or shall 1 wait until tomorrow?
1 an't hired to laundry, you
"Oh. wait until to-morrow," said
"Very well; and I'll mako you a cup
of tea," said Maria. "And don't you
worry, but let him do tho apologizing.
Put your hair up into crimps, and don't
look forlorn to-night. That's my advice."
Mrs. Boerum took the advice.
She put up her hair in two long
crimping pins, and thus added much to
tho ugliness of her tear-spotted face,
and went down to her solitary lunch
when tho bell rang.
Sho was feeling a littlo bettor, when
Maria, hurrying in, uttered tho mysterious
words, "She's come!" and vanished.
"Who has come?" Mrs. Boerum
asked herself; then reflected that of
course it was the washerwoman.
In her then condition of mind she
felt that it would bo a relief to scold
somebody. Maria would resent the
liberty by taking French leave, but the
washerwoman surely dared not; and,
on the instant, out she rushed to the
front porch, where a fat woman, in a
shabby old muslin and a fisherman's
hat, sat fanning herself.
"So you've come at last?" asked
Mrs. Boerum. "I confess I had given
"Well, I was a long time coming,"
said tho woman, "but better late than
"Indeed," said Mrs. Boerum, shortly;
"that't your opinion, is it? Well, I've
got tired waiting for you, and don't
want you now."
The fat woman laughed.
"I saw your husband going past today,"
said she, "and I called out: 'I
say, Boerum, tell your wife I'm coming
just when I get good and ready. I
never put myself out for anybody.'
He just laughed. 'Sho'll bo glad to see
you whenever you do come,' said he."
"I confess I never met so impertinent
a person before," said Mrs. Boorum,
drawing herself up. "You should have
apologized and asked me when you
might come after disappointing me. I
want nothing to do with you now or
henceforth," and sho turned her back
on tho stdut lady.
"That don't sound like joking," said
tho latter. "Am I to understand you
"Yes," replied Mrs. Boorum. "And
now you can go, for of all unbearable,
sot-up, indolent creatures I over met
you are the worst."
"You appear to bo crazy," said tho
stout woman, coolly. "Is she, Maria?
That, or intoxicated, I should say.
"Well, I'm off. I certainly never had
an experience like this before. Poor
Boorum! he must have a nice life of it.
Good b', Maria."
And tho stout woman marched, her
fisherman's hat Hying, her loose shoes
crunching down tho gravel walk; and
Mrs. Boerum drew a big breath, looked
at Marin, who.stoadying herself against
tho wall, stared at her and said:
"What's tho matter?"
"I never did!" cried this hand-maiden,
"Tho idea! How durst 3-011 talk
that way to her? I was all goosellesh
with fright. Wiry, I dunno now where
I be, I'm so obfusticated; and she'll go
and tell oveiy living soul how you
talked, and they'll wonder at you from
now to doomsda3". Sho'aiu't never boon
spoke so to before."
"Time she was, then," said Mrs.
Boerum. "If a woman goes out washing,
sho ought to keep her appointments;
or, if she is really kept at homo
by somothing necessary, apologize respectful
to her employer. 1 sha'n't
put up with such things, if tho rest of
tho ladies do, not if I go without an3'
washing at all."
Maria staggered back against tho
"Lawful sakes!" sho cried. "Did
you think that was Mrs. Sudds?"
"Of course. You told mo so, Maria,"
said Mrs. Boerum, witli si sudden
change in her voice, and a sudden horror
in her eyes.
"I didn't. Mrs. Boorum; 'cause I
knowed bettor," said Maria. "Why,
that was Mrs. Sampson Butterpat, Mrs.
Boerum. I thought everybody knowed
"Mrs. Sampson Butterpat, in a faded
blue lawn and a fisherman's hat!"
panted Mrs. Boorum.
"Yes'm," said Maria. "She dresses
how sho chooses in hob weather. Sho
says she can well afford it, bein' worth
two millyun. Everybody knows Mrs.
Sampson Butterpat's ways. Why; if
3'ou'd talked that way to Mrs. Sudds,
she'd have smacked 3011 in tho face, or
suthin.' Mrs. Butterpat couldn't,
'cause sho was a lady.
"Put 1110 to bed, Marin," said Mrs.
Boerum, in a faint, littlo voice. "I'm
dying;" and fainted in the young
When sho came to herself sho had
been ill three daj's, quito out of hor
mind most of the timei Lots of bottles
stood on tho table.' 'Maria was fanning
hor, and a stout lady; in a shabby blue
wrapper, was sitting on tlio foot of tho
"Oh!" moaucoMrs. Boerum, drawing
the sheet over her head; for it was
"She'll bo all right now," sho heard
that lady saj "It's only a nasty
attack of malaria from wading in tho
pond after water-lilies. I'll bo in again
in two hours, and bring some calves-feet
jelh. Don't be frightened, Maria.
Most people are delirious with it. Poor
thing! how dreadfully out of hor mind
sho was tho day I called."
"Stark crazy, Mrs. Butterpat," said
Maria, "she took you for Mrs. Sudds."
"And I was quite out of temper. I
didn't understand," said Mrs. Butterpat
catching up hor big fisherman's hat.
"Mrs. Sudds would never wears this,
would she? Ha! ha! Well, now, take
caro of her until I come back."
"Wonderfully better," said the doctor,
that afternoon, "but you'vo been
And Mr. Boeram had a great deal to
sa3' in the city about the "great kind
ness of Mrs. Butterpat during Mrs. (
Boerum's illuqss." And Maria, as sho
brushed her lady's long hair on tho
first day of her actual convalescence,
remarked to her:
"Wasn't it luck, Mrs. Boerum, you
should have took tho chills when 3011
did? It jtst3iired you by tho skin of
our teeth." Mary Kyle Dallas, in X.
AN INGENIOUS DEVICE.
Tho Invention of n California l'liyslclun for
One of the most peculiar cases is that
of a doctor who was formerly one of
tho finest practitioners of tho West.
Coming from an excellent family, possessed
of largo wealth, he received a
liberal education, and, deciding to
become a physician, studied at one of
tho best Eastern colleges, and graduated
with unusual honors. Many years
ago he came to San Francisco, and
after having been established here for
a short time began to acquire a fine
practice. In afowycars lie had among
his patients some of tho most prominent
and wealthy men of tho city. He
had occasion to use a large quantity of
chloroform in his treatment, and when
ho began to bo troubled with insomnia,
the result of. repeated attacks of neuralgia,
he also turned to the aiuesthctic
for relief. But tho remedy subsequently
proved to be worse than tho
disease, forjyith repeated applications
ho found tf$a ho was unablo to discontinue
its use, and soon became a confirmed
user of the drug. Ho would
frequently return to bed during tho
early part of tho da for tho purpose
of enjoying the drug, and not a night
passed that lie did not avail himself of
its sleep-producing powers. Tho cunning
of an insane miud began to devise
moans tp add to the enjoyment of tho
body, and finally evolved an idea which
must be admitted to be certainly original.
Obtaining a lon& rubber tube, which
could be easily stretched, he attached j
linnly to tho ceiling at a spot which
would bo directly over his head when
in bed. To tho other end ho fastened
a medium-sized sponge. After getting
into bed he would pour three or four
ounces of chloroform over the sponge,
often using half a pound during tho
night, and then pulling it down to his
face would hold it to his nostrils until
unconsciousness ensued. When his
hand fell to his side, tho tension on tho
rubber tube being relaxed, the sponge
naturally Hew upwards, leaving tho
victim to continue his sleep without tho
possibility of receiving an overdose.
If ho awoke during the night tho
operation avouUI bo repeated. "It was
a great scheme," to use a slang phrase,
but it is not known if the doctor over
applied ft?1 a iiatont on tho invention.
It is possible, however, that tho practice
continued until he had been a
user of tho drug for some time, and so
continued until ho had meroly patients
enough to enable him to preserve a
proper appearance of respectability.
Although practically a slave to the drug
for years, it is said, but with what
truth can not be readily ascertained,
that of late ho has begun to see tho
handwriting on tho wall, and realizing
what the end must bo unless tho habit
is abandoned now uses tho drug to but
a small extent. San Francisco Chronicle.
Tho total population of Iceland appears
to bo threatened. A schema has
boon sot alloat in Manitoba to transport
seven thousand Icelanders
still remaining in their native country,
together with their ilocks and hords.
This would bo an exodus as coinploto
as was that of tho children of Israel
from Egypt. There has been a steady
fiow of Icelandic emigration to Canada
for teen years, yet tho population
Ota said to be still too large for
tho reitfurces of tho island. Several
fiourisliirurtowns peopled by Icelanders
aro already found in Manitoba.
Canada now furnishes more sheep
for tho Boston' markut than any State-it
VARIETY IN BONNETS.
Studies tIuilo on tho Stroo' nml In tho
One of tho curiosities of commerce is
tho variety in woman's hats and bonnets
to be found in the millinery
stores. A man likes to have his hat
like tho hat that every other man is
wearing, but if a woman buys a .bonnet
and then goo3 out on tho street!
and sees a bonnet just liko hers on th.o
head of another woman sho loses her'
temper. On tho hat question a woman;
insists upon being a monopolist. Sho
will bo exclusive or sho won't play. As'
a matter of fact women are not often
thus offended. Go over on State street
and sec if you can find two bonnets
alike. A prizo is offered for such a
discovery, but you aro not likely to
win it. More likely aro yen to find a
blade of grass growing in tho middlo
of tho great shopping thoroughfare.
How the makers and trimmers of bonnets
manage to avoid duplication is a
mystery, but they do it. It is a tradition
of the trade that over bonnet is
a work of art, standing alone and by
itself. But all bound5! are not works
of art, by any means Some of them
aro about as far from art as they can
get. But they aro works of art in
that each is built from an original design,
as a picturo is painted. Men's
hats aro mere articles of commerce,
turned out by machines and by the
thousands, all alike. A woman's bonnet
is liko a painting. The picture
may be a bad one, with inharmonious
coloring, clumsy arrangement of forms,
outlandishuess of shape-. But it is
fashioned by nimble fingers, and not
by an machine, by fingers which never
fashioned one bonnet just like another.
Only the frames aro machine-made.
Thousands of those are of like
form and appearance. But the frame
is only the foundation. Tho superstructure
is the bonnet. From
Paris each season come hundreds
of bonnets representing
the latest and presumably the best
work of the fashionable milliners of
that citv of tho modes. On the general
lines of these Paris pattern bonnet.'
Chicago milliners build their wares,
taking care to mako no two alike, but
to vary the detail, and to blend some
of tho features of one pattern bonnet
with some of the features of another,
thus making an entirely new article.
Tho manufacturing departments of tiio
big wholesale millinery houses do mako
bonnets just alike, but in shipping
them they take good caro that no duplicates
bo sent to tho same town. Yet
with all tho care and all the precaution
to secure variety as infinite as the variety
of womankind itself, it mhiuh
times happens in the operation of tho
laws of chance that a woman with a
new bonnet on her head will encounter
upon tho street or see in the show window
of a milliner a bonnet so near liko
her own that upon a superficial examination
sho can not distinguish tho difference.
What then happens? Why,
the woman is "put out," or "mortified,"
or "knocked sill," or becomes
"so mad thatshe could cry," according
to the bent of her vocabulary. But this
is not all that happens. The woman
goes straightway to her homo or to her
milliner, with such preeipitatcness
that all other errands and purposes aro
utterly neglected, and pauses not until
a ribbon or a feather or an ornament
has been taken from or put upon that
bonnet, and its resemblanco to tho
other entiroly destroyed. When this
is done the woman may be happy again,
but not before. In this wo find another
phase of that process of differentiation,
which gives to tho world infinite variety
in tho species bound. O, that
natural selection and survival of tho
fittest could apply as rigidly. Chicago
Panned Oysters. Cut stalo broad
in thin slices, then round them, removing
the crust, to fit patty-pans, toast
them, butter and put in the pans;
moisten tho slices with three or four
teaspoons of oyster liquor; place on
the toast a layer of oysters, sprinkle
with popper, and put a small piece of
butter on top; place pans in a baiting
pan, cover with another pan to keep in
tho steam and flavor; put in a quick
oven, and when cooked seven or eight
minutes removo tho cover and sprinkle
with salt; replace cover and let cook
ono minute longer. Servo iu the
Peking ducklings at three or four
mouths old mako a desirable dish, if
they aro well fed from tho swoll and
fattened on cooked ground oats and
corn, with potatoes added. They are
also very hardy if not inbred, and
stand our cold winter weather remarkably
well. They aro early layers, and
continuo with only short intermission
until late in the summer. They thriva
rapidly and when matured will ordinarily
weigh from twelve to fourteen
pounds per pair.
Mr. Oldboy (an antiquated bachc
lor) "It's all over, Gu&sy, my boy.
Miss Smith has refused me." Gussy .
"i supposo sho let you down easy by
promising to bo a sister to you?" Mr.
Oldboy (bitterly) ".No, b' thunder--she
would bo a daughter to me!"
PERSONAL AND IMPERSONAL,
The "violin-King," Joaehiiri, has
temporarily lost tho uso of one of his
fingers, and has gone to Amsterdam to
seo if tho famous massage operator, Dr.
Merger, can restore it to its functions.
There is a drug morchnnt, a young
man, in Davenport, Iowa, who has nine
grandparents living two
two grandmothers and two
D. D. Bidwcll. a Hartford newspaper
man, is the latest searcher after
Captain Kidd's buried treasure, lie
hopes, by the aid of an ancient chart,
to locate it on Elbow Key, one of the
A young man living in St. Albans.
Vt., awoke the other morning to find
his mouth wide open and his jaw setiu
such a position that lie could not close
it. It required the assistance of a
physician to put the refractory jaw into
Madam Vincent is a French woman
who has saved twelve people from
drowning. A short timo ago she
jumped into tho waves entirely dressed
and rescued tho twelfth, a six-year-old
boy. Sho has seven children of her
own, the youngest bcingstill an infant-
Jay Gould paid two hundred thousand
dollars for his country homo up
the Hudson, and it is said to cost him
four hundred dollars a day, or nearly
one hundred and fifty thousand dollars
a year. It embraces almost a square
mile of land, ninety-live acres of which
Mrs. Paran Stevens, wiio owns the
Victoria Hotel, in New York, was iu
her girlhood a waiter in a Lowell restaurant,
while hor husband bogau life
as a stable boy. Site is now worth
$0,000,000. and her hotel is headquarters
for tiio English aristocracy in
Mrs. Eliza Garfield was tho only
woman who ever saw her son inaugurated
President of tho United States.
Washington's mother was living in
Fredericksburg, Va., wliou the Father
of his Country was inaugurated, but
sho did not witness the cerenionv,
which took place in New York.
Lady Tennyson's dairy management,
which is principally iu the hands
of Mrs. Ilallam Tennyson, is known for
the excellence of the butter, cream and
milk which it sends to market. Through
the length and breadth of tho Isle of
Wight there is an increasing demand
for the produce of the Poet Laureate's
Mrs. Joshua Snow, an old lady who
was present at,i the birth of Daniel
Webster, exclaimed in strong, emphatic
language: "This is an uncommon
child! Look at his great size! His
large head! His eyes! I tell you, here
is w wonderful child! I never saw hi:-equal
before! Ho will be worth raising!"
And he was "worth raising" as
tho event proved.
Queen Kapiolani is very fond of
the small items of female costume, such
as laces, shoes, line hosiery, etc. Her
order for gloves recently given to a
Parisian gantier was so largo that tho
employes of tho establishment wore
kept at work night and day to
it in time. Tho Hawaiian Queen wears
a 7iJ glove, preferred to those of six-teen-button
"A LITTLE NONSENSE."
Gentlemen learning the cornet
should employ private tootors. Ex-change.
Landlady (to boarder) "How i
tho butter, Mr. Dumley?" Duinley (a
produce broker) "Quiet but strong,
madamc, and iu littlo demand."
Tramp "Can't you givo a poor
man something to oat? I got shot in
tho war and can't work." Woman
"W'hero was you shot?" "In the
spinal column, mum." "Go 'way!
There was no such buttle fought."
Rowley "Have you evor hoard
Lodgoway lecture?" Browno "Yes.
several times." Rowley "How is ho
for eloquence? Does ho carry his au
diencowjth him?" Browno "No, but
ho might, for that matter." Burlington
"What can you tell me about
Esau?" queried tho pedagogue.
"Esau," responded tho youth, with the
glib alacrity of ono who fools himself
for once, on safe ground, "Esau was r,
writer of fables who sold his copyright
for a bottle of potash."
Labor Loader "Bill Gumps was
nominated by the Labor party last
night." American mechanic "So I
heard." L. L. "You'll support him,
won't you?" A. M. "No, it isn't
noccssarv that I should support him."
L. L. "Why isn't it?" A. M. "His
wifo does that." Judge.
Woman (who has given some
minco pie to tramp) "You seem to bo
hungry?" Tramp "That goes with
out saying, which is a bit of badh
Anglicized 1 reneh, ma'am, meaning i
our moro vigorous English, You c:
bet your sweet life I am,' or I wotildi,
bo able to get away with much of
pie." K T. Sun.