Newspaper Page Text
Grand Opening of Fall and Winter Dry Gooils at M. M. Knight
STOWE STREET, "WATERBURT", YT.
VERMONT WATCIIMAN fc STATE JOURiVAL, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 1883.
We can now show the largest line of Fall and IVinler Goods over
exhibitod in tliis section. Our
DRESS GOODS DEPARTMENT!
is full of all the new styles and fabrics of the season. Elegant
Brocade Yelvets in all the popular colors, and a very
full line of the celebrated Nonpareil Velveteens.
We are also throwing out
Some Drives in BLACK SILES!
Priccs $1.00, $1.25, $1.50, $1.75 and $2.00. They are
as good value as can be found in New
York or Boston markets.
We have one of the largest assortraents ever shown in Northern
Vermont now on exhibition in
OUR GLOAK DEPARTMENT!
including all the new and elegant styles made this season in
Ladies', Children's and Misses' Cloaks, and rang
ing in prices from four dollars
to fifty dollars each.
Ladies Desiring a First-Class Garment
either for themselves or children, should not fail
to examine the goods in this depart
ment before purchasing.
We Cannot Mention
THE 1IOY TO TIIK HOHOOLMASTKK.
Ycn've rmlij'd me of te n and pnzzltd me long,
Ton've asked me to ciplier and spell,
Tou've called me a dunce If I aniwered wrong,
Oradoltlf I fatled to tell
Jntt wben to u; Ue and when to ay lay,
Or wtiat nlne sevens may make,
Or tbe longltude of Knmschatka Bay,
Or tbe I-fotgst-what's-Its-name lake;
8o I tblnk lt'a about my turn, I do,
To ask a questton or so of you.
Tbe scboolmaster gtlm he epened bla ejti,
11 at said not a word for sheer surprlse.
Can you tell what " phen-dubs " raeans ? I can.
Can you say all cft by heart
The " onery twoery, lckery ann,"
Or tell " alleys " and " commona " apart T
Can you fllng a top, I woatd llke to know,
Tlll lt liums llke a bumble-bee?
Can you make a klte yourself tbat wlll so
'Jloit as hlgb aa the eye can see,
TIU lt salla and aoara llke a hawk on the wlng,
And the little blrda come and light on Ita atrlng?
Tbe acboolmaster looked, oh I Tery demnre,
!ut bla mouth waa twltcblng, I'm almoat aure.
Can you tell where the nest of the orlole awlnga,
Or tbe cotor tts eggs may bo ?
Do you know tbe tline when tbe sqnlrrel brlnga
lt young from tbelr noit In the tree7
Can you tell wben tbe cheitnuta are ready to ilrop,
Or where the bet hazel-nuta grow?
Can you cllmb a blgh tree to the very tlp-top,
Then gaze wltbout trembltng below T
Can you awlin and dlve, can you jump and run,
Or do any thing elae we boya call fun?
Tbe maater'a Tolce trembled aa he replled,
" Tou are rlght, my lad. I'm the dunce," he alghed.
E.J. Wheeler.in Wde Ateake.
"Mamma," said little Robbie Wood,
one day, at the dinner-table, " how does
butter grow ?"
" Ob, ho I" oried out hia brotber Harry,
Woro mamma could anawer; "wbata
ei'e you are7 Rob 1 butter doesn't grow."
'Mamma looked across the table and
saw a little lipquivering, for Robbie hated
to be laughed at. Harry saw it, too, and
" No matter, Rob," said he ; " I had rio
businees to laugh at you; but it waa such
a f unny idea ;" and llarry had hard work
to keep back anotbor shout.
" I snppose you would think it was very
funny," said mamma, pntting some milk
into her oup of tea, " if I told you tbat
there is a country wbcre the people get
milk from trees."
The great tears in Robbie's eyes forgot
to roll out, and Harry staredat hismother
to see if she was jiking.
" It is true," eaid she.
" Now, mamma," Baid Harry, in a very
coaxing tonp, " you are going to tell us
about it, arn't you ? It will make such a
" I haven't time now," mamma said :
" but come to me af ter supper and you
shall bear it."
The boys went out to play tbat after-
noon, and perhaps you think they forgot
all about the Btory ; but they didn't do
any such thing, and just as soon as the
supper was over, and mamma had takeu
her sewing and sat down to the table, the
boys brought their chairs and sat down
in f ront of her.
" Now, mamma, for the story."
"Well," began mamma. Someway or
other all mamma'd stories began with
" well." The boys had learned to like it
very much. It was like.smelling hot gin-ger-bread
wben they went into the kitchen ;
they always knew then tbat mamma would
give them a piece. So when mamma be
gan a story with well," they knew some
thing nice was coming.
" Well,' said mamma, " f ar away from
here so tar away that people go in
Bhipf, tossing up and down on the wavee "
" Tbat must be great fun. I'd like to
go," said Harry.
" Don't talk, Harry," said Robbie, with
his eyes on matnma's face.
" So far away," continued mamma,
" that very few travelers go there, there is
a country very diiferent from ours. There
is never any cold weather, never auy snow
or ice. There are wondorful thing? there.
The fishes are of lovely colors, blue and
yellow and orange and red ; you can see
them ehiniog far down in the clear water.
There are nliarks, and alligators, and
crocodiles, too, and they are not lovely at
" Djn't they eat people sometimes?"
" Sometimes," said mamma.
Bob looked f rightened, and mamma hur
"But tho blrda are even more beautiful
thau the fishes; some of them are as
white as snow, and some of them are as
Eink aa baby's cheeks, and some of them
ave bright red wings ; some of them are
green and gold, with lovely drooplug tail
featbers a yard long. Oue of them has a
cry tbat sounds just like a child in trouble
it would make you sad to hear it; and
there is one that naa a spur aa sharp as
steel under his wing, so he can fight his
enemiea. There are a great many little
butnming-birda thatfly in and out among
tho trees, and everywhere green and pur.
ple dragon.fllea dart about in tbe busues.
" But the plants and trees are the'mcst
wondurful of all. There b a Ibwer called
the fever fbwer, because at certain times
in the day it gives out heat ; and there is
a plant called the pitcher-plant, beoauso
ita leavea are loidea up into little green
All the Lines of Goods We are now Offering, but Would Simply
pitchers that hold water. One of the
plants haa a very big flower that just be
fore it blossoms looka like a swan held by
iU bill, but wben it is all open it turns
into a liberty-cap with a violet llnlng.
The vines climb 'way up to the tops of
the tall trees and blossom there; and
ferns, that grow closo to the ground here,
grow there till they are as high as trees.
You would like to go to walk there and
seo the strange trees : coffee-trees, with
shining evergreen leaves and little white
'ilowers, very sweet to smell ; cocoa-trees,
very tall and slraignc, witn a cluster ol
leaves at the top great leaves twenty
feet long ; and orange-trees, with leaves
and blossoms and green and ripe oranges
all on tbe tree at once. But I think you
would like best of all to see the cow-tree
only you would have to climb up very
high, for it likes to live on high places."
"I wouldn't mind that," said Robbie;
" I can climb."
" Guess you would get tired," said
" No, I wouldn't, either," said Robbie.
"Would I, mamma?"
" If you lived down in the valley, it
would be a long walk," said mamma;
"for these trees grow 'way up on the
sides of the mountains. Sometimes it
doesn't rain in that part of the country
for weeks, and weeks, and months, and
the leaves droop, and the poor cow-trees
look as if they were dead ; but if you
were to cut a little place in the trunk of
one of them, what do you think would
come out? Nice, sweet milk I"
"Is it just like cow's milk?" asked
"Not just ezactly like it," said
mamma, " but almost like it, and just as
good to driuk. You would think so if
you could see tbe little boys and girls
there driuk it. The milk iuna fastest at
sunrise, and so when the sun rises over
the mountains the people come, men, aud
women, and children, with thoir bowls in
their hands, to get the milk. They only
have to hold the bowl close to the tree,
and tho little white stream soon filla it.
If they like, they can set it away when
they get home, and in a little while it will
turn thick like cream."
" What a wonderful tree I" said Robbie.
"Does it look like any common treoV"
''Yes," said mamma; only it ia very
tall a great deal taller than any of the
trees here. It haa beautiful dark green
leaves, pointed at the end, and longer than
my hand; and tiny little Ilowers. and
small, rouud f ruit with a little leaf on the
top like a cap."
"But, mamma," eaid Harry, "you
haven't told ua where the country is
where all these strange things are."
"It's among the Cordilleras, on the
coast of Caracas," answered mamma.
" But I don't know any better now,"
said Harry. "I nover heard of that place
" I know it," said mamma, emiling ;
dui you can tatce papa s Dig atias to
morrow and find it."
" Ob, please tell us now." beeeed Rob
But mamma only shook her head and
"J.hat'8 jUBt like you, . mamma," said
Harry. " You always leave sometbinc
for us to find out for ourselves, and I like
it. Rob aud I will have a cood time to-
morrow bunting up tbat place."
"Very well," said mamma. "Now
scamper to bed, little men.' Christian
A Bravo Little Ddughter.
There is a very pretty story told by
Miss Strickland in her 11 Queens of Entr-
land," of a little girl wtio saved her
tKther's me. It was in the time ot Queen
Mary, and Lord Preston, the father of the
clnld, was condemned to death for con
spiring to bring back the exiled King
James to the throne. Her name was
Lady Catharine Grahara, and she waa
only nlne vears old. The poor ohild was
(during the trial of her father) left in the
queeus apartmeuts m Windsor Castle.
Tho day after the condpmnalion of Lord
Prestou the queen found little Ldy Cath
arine in St. Georce'a eallerv. eaziuir
earnestly on the whole-length picture of
Jitmes xi., wnicn still remaiua there.
Struck with the moumful expression on
the young gii'l's face, Mary asked her
bastiiy what she saw in that picture
which made her look on it so particularlv.
" I was thinking," said the inuoceut
child, "how bard it ia that my father
must die ror loving yours." iiie queen,
pricked in conscience by this artlesa reply,
ltnmediately signed the pardon of Lord
A comi'ANY of boys had contraoted the
habit of tobacco using, greatly to their
detriment, aa all acknowledged. The
habit beoame so strong that a few of the
number resolved to try and " break oif,"
by uslng a lesa quantity oacli day untll
ttie end was reaobed. JNobody succeeded.
With one it was different. He dld not
try to quit, but quit at once, and so made
an end to tiie matter. What he did m-
dividually, the Nation would do if it were
eulightened. It ia impossiblo to stop tbe
train of druukenness by putting on the
brakeaof high lioense. The encine must
be detacbed ; there must bo a dead balt
by prohibition and not an inefficiont at-
ternpt to orlpple and worry tho buaineaa
Wliy It is tlxe Best:
It will cut faster than any other saw ; it will cut easier than any other saw ; it is
kept in order easier than any other saw ; it is made of the best spring steel ; and it
is tempered and ground by the most skilled workmen.
ALL KINDS AND LENGTHS S0LD BY
D. L. Fnller & 8011, - - - - Montpelier, Vt.
BOOKS AND STATI ONERY !
T. C. PHINNEY,
Bookseller and Stationer, would respectfully call tho attention of
book-buyera to hiB large and well-selected stock of new and desir
able books of the season. Large buyers, Sunday-schools
and Public Libraries, furnished at speciai rates.
Scliool Books of all Iiiids !
Writing Papers, Envelopes, and School and Counting House Station
ery of every description, selling at lowur prices than
ever before offered in this market.
PICTURES, ENGRAVINGS, CHR0M0S, PH0T0GRAPHS,
And an endless variety of Fancy Goods, Qames, Croquet and Base
Ball Goods, all of which will be sold at astonishingly low
prices. Any book you see advertised will be
sent, postpaid, on receipt of price.
T. C. Phinney,
A raluable Diicotery for Sappliing ifagneKtm to
the lluman Sysltm. lUrctrxctv and ilag-
netism UtiUt'tl at Xcver Before
for lleatmg the Sick.
THE MAGNETON AITLUN'CE CO.'S
Magnetic Kidney Belt
FOR MEK IS
WARRANTED TO CURE
ont medlciae! 1'aik i.f the IIack, Ilira, IIkad ob
Limbs, Kervous Drbilitt, Lumdago, Oekrral De-
BIL1TT, HllECJf ATI8M, PaKALTSIS, NECIULGIA, HCUT
ICA, DlSKASES Of TIIB KlDNKYS Hl'IMAL DlSRASKS.
Toui'lD Liveu, Oont. Seniiual KmUdioas, IuiKtencr(
Anthnia, Heart DUease, Dypeptila, CouUipatlon, Kry
R'pelas Indlgetton, llernla or Rupture, Catarrh, PUes,
Kpllepay, Dutnb Ague, etc.
When any debllity of the OENEIUTIVE OROAXS
occura, Loet Vltallty, Lack of Nerve Force and Vlgor.
WaRtlng Wenkuefts, and all tuoae dUeaaea of a personal
nature. from whitever caue, the contlnuous Btram of
ilagneti?ra permeatiDg tbrough the parts muat retitore
them to a healtby actlon. There U no 111 ls lake about
Tn IWt I Allir I lt yw are afflioted ith Lnme llack,
IU HIL LAUlLO. Weaknetis of the Kpluo, Kalling of
the Womb, LucorrhcDa, Chronto Infl-iinatlon and Ultwr
ation of the Womti, lucldenttl llimorrbgd or Kloodlng,
I'alnful, HuppreRBed and Irrfgulnr Mfnsirnatlon, Har
rennei, and Change of Llfet tnin U the bet appilanca
and curntlve agnt known.
For all fonnn of Female DiflkuUlM lt U uuBnrpasord
by anythlnit before., Invented, both an a curatlve agent
and aa a eource of power and viullntlon.
l'rlce of frlfer Belt with Mgnetlo Infolen, $10, sent
by ezpreBA C. O. I)., and fxnminutlon allowpd, or by
niMll 011 receipt of price. In onterli g, aend meafture of
Wrtlrtt and lze of boe. lUinlitanc can be made ln
cun ency, aent ln letter nt our rlk.
TheMkgneton UHnuents are adtipted toall aee,and
areworn uvTtheunlr-clotlilng(not next to tlie twxly,
llke the mnny Ualraulo and Klectrto lluntbnuH ndvrr
tUtxl (to extenMveh), and Miou'd te UVea cft at ntubt.
'lheyhold their I'OWKlt KOUEVKIt, and areworu at
all eaKonR of tbe year.
Send Btamp for the "New Departure ln Medleal
TreAtment Wltbout Medlclue," wllh tbousandsof tesll
monUls. T11E UAQNETOK API'LIASCE CO.,
219 bTATE HTHEKT, CUIOAOO, ILL.
Kote. Rend one dollar ln pontage tampa or cur
rency (ln lttterat our rUk), with Mze of hhne imiRlly
worn,and try a palr of our Mnguellu Innoles, and Ue
convlitced of the tiower retttdlnic in our ottier Mtienellc
Appltance, l'olttve)y no cold feet wben tbey are
wuru, ur iuuney iciunmru,
AVE WANTIOOO moro IlOOK AttKNTS
for llie grand t nilm(fi( itlling tiook tvtr
For 1 hrllllng Interett, Koiiianllo Story, Hplcy Ilumor.
and Tender 1'aihon, lt without a peer. Jntt comnli Wtx
by KOnf our greatett Uvivg Autlmrt. Infludli-g Elita
beth Stuart I'htlpt. Ilarnct Ilrneott 8toj)ord, It. 11.
xtoittjtoic Teriy Voole. Lucv Laicom.llaiy Llemmer.
Ilanon llarland, and 1J others. I bi-y tiive, for the
tlrit time, the true htorv or t ti- Llvot nni Dtwda of our
fauioiu wnmni. It U Supe rbly Illuntrated. Mlnlter
aay "Qd tpeedtt." Ten.of tbuusandii are walilntc for
It, and Agent. eell lOtuSOa lUy. fff Potitively Ihe
bett chance ui make money ever ojjered, tiend fur Clr
cutant, Extra Termi, eto., to
A. U. WUK-lllirVUTON& CO Hnrtford Ot.
100 FANCY ADVERTISING CARDS,
v v H different, with or wltbout adyeitlaainenui on
tbem post free.forten 3-cent .Uinpai SIHI, all dlHerent,
fl 1M bandwme Kcran Ilook ricturm,2Soenti. Addreat
uniiM uiiui uuau-Ani, aionttwuer, vt,
$5 tO $20,re!,,ay,'t!,"'""!' Samnlcaworth3fri.
9U lu p.u AUdress Stivon 4 Co., 1'ortland, ile.
Saw n the World.
State St., Montpelier, Vt.
t 5S KING.
Stands acknowledged tho
King of Sewing Machines,
It lms tlio only pcrfect AUTOMATIC
BOBBIN WINDERcver inmlc, wlmllng cvcry
liobbln as pmootli ns n spool of sllk,
Itlias tho best EMDROIDERER ln tho worl.l.
lt wlll do the tvldest rnngo of work, nnd u
tho UIGHTEST RUNNING maclilno ln tha
niarkct. Ageuts wanted ln unoccuvilcd terrltory.
CLARK & FREEMAN,
163 TREMONT ST., DOSTOH, MASS.
The White machlnea are aold ln Waterbury. Dnx
tinrv, Wuli.neld, Moreiown, Stowe, llnlton and Fayaton
b J. O. OllMKIS, WBrliurr, Vt. All iHleraof
Inqulry tn rrgard to tbe WUltB wlll rmvlye prompt at
teiillon, A giKxt asdoitmeut of maoblnea con.iautlv on
hand at my tore. J. O. UKIUfiS.
WK AKE QIVINO AWAY
Gold, Sllvcr iiml Nlckcl Wntches, Dln
mond ItliiRs Silvcr AVurc,
White and Dcvorated Tea, Dlnner and Tollet Seta,
JIom Itoseand Oold Dand Frencb Chloa Tea 8et and
Tliou4ii.l of olber Uaeful and Ornamental Aitlclea aa
rllEMIUMH for the formlng of Jy fJLUBSi
Send yonr addreaa to
THE GREAT CHINA TEA C0MPANY,
210 STATK BT HOHTON, MABH.,
and we wlll mall you our CLUI1 IIOOK contalulng
al'KIOU I.IHT of our TEAH and COFFEE3 and a
List of our Premiums.
KHSHX .lUNCTION, VKIIMONT,
C. E. Domorltt, Proprlotor.
TliU lioune lias lately been thoroughly re
palred nnd put tn good vlmpe (or nccouiodatlon
Invite All to Come
R. H. EDDY,
No. 70 Stnte St., opposlto Kllby, Boston.
Pecure8 Tatonta ln tbe TJnltM Statea; alito !n Oreat
Brltxln.France and other forelKn coaDtrlm. Coplesof
the clalins of any l'atent f urnlstied br remltttnK one
dollar. AMtffnmpnt ivcordpd at WaRblnzton. ifo
Agency in the UnUed Statei vontists mperxor faeU
tft for obtaifiing i'atcnti or ateertaining the patent
n. II. EDDY, Sollcltor of Tatenta.
" I rezftrd Mr. Eddy aa one ot the moif capable and
tucceisful practltloners with whom I hara uad offlclal
" UIIAS. MABON, Commlloner of Patenta."
" Inrentors cannot etnploy a person more trustwortby
or more capable of aecnhnK for them an earlyand fa
vorable conftldcration at the Patent Ofllce.
" EDML'MD BUItKE, late Commtesloner of ratenta."
' IIosioh, October 19, 1870.
"R. II. Eddy, Etq.: Dear Sir Yon procured for
me, ln 1840, iny nrRt patent. Mlnce then you have acted
for and advlned me ln hundreda of ctses and procured
many iatenta, rrlnnues and eztenilons, 1 have occ-a-Rlonally
employd tbe beat agenrlea ln New York, Phlla
delpbla and Wabtnaton, but I etlll glve you almottt the
wbole of my biiRtneAR, ln your Une. and advtae others to
euiploy you. Youra truly, UEOKQE DKAl'EK."
llomon, January 1, 1883. 77-23
ELY'S CRFAM BALM
Effectnally cleanws tbe
nHaal pnfAgfa of Ca
Urrbnl vlrus. causlni;
healthv necretlons. al
layB infl'iinmfition, pro
tecta tbe nicmhrane
from addittomal ooldft,
completely lieAla the
soret) and restoren the
ftfne of taste and pmell.
lleocnclnl reRiiltfl are re-
alized by a few arpllca-
nono, a inorougu ireai-m'-nt
will cure uatarrh,
llav-Fever. etc- Un-
equaled for coltlx ln thi
head. A green 1 le toufe,
Apply by tlie little flnger
Into tbe nostrlis. Wlll
deliver by mail. fitty
wnw a pacaagft poat
age stAmps. lu by
wholesale and retall
drufigU. ELT8 CREAM BALM CO., Owego, K. Y.
Tost Orrica Depastuent, 1
WxaillNOTOS, 1). C, October 13, 1883.)
rropoiali wlll be recelved at the Contract Ofllce of
thla Department nntll tbree r. M of January 3, 1831, for
carrylng themalU of the Unlted SUtes upon tbe routes,
and accordlng to tbe schedule of arrival and departure
Fpeclfled by tbe Department, ln the State ot Vermont,
from July 1, 1834, to June 30, 188). Llau of routes, wltb
achedule of arrlrala and departurea, Inatrticttont to
bldders, with formt for contracts and bonda, and all
otber necessary lnformatlou wlllbe furnlebed uponap
pllcatlon totheSecond Ailt mt l'oatmtiter (leneral.
19-21 W.Q.OUK3IIAS1, 1'oatinaiter Oeneral.
FISTULA AND PILES
Curcd ivllliout tho Uso of tho Kulfe.
WIM.1AM READ (M.D., Ilanrard, 1642), and ROU KP.T
M. ItEAI) (M. 1) , llarvard, 1876). iitllrva, Kvnua
llniiHe, 17fl Treinont htrvet, l!itm. glve invUl
attention tu ttie tretme-t ot KISTUL,A, 1'II.HS
AND AI.L DISitAbKS OF TIIK ltKC'TUM,
without detentlou fioin builneaa. Abundantrefeiencra
glveu. Hauipliletaent on appllcatlou, Ofllce houra 11
A. u. to 4 r, H. (-loept Hunily). 82-33
The farme r of Vermont wlll pleae ber tn mlnd that
the lll'SllANDMAS'MKIltKIN'UltANCE COMI'ANY
1. .trlctlv a farmera' coinpuy. Ingurlng only farm prop
erty, taklng no rlMks I11 vlllage or clty.orln ininulau
torlea or any klnd. Tho-e not In.ureil wlll di well to In
qulre a. to the .Undlui; of aald conipany, wblch U ttolng
a nne biiMnt on tho .ifrfit tks All lettera addreHied
10 A MK8SKH. rrwlJcnt, Itochester, Vt., C. J. 11KLI-,
Srcreiary, Kast llnrdwU k, Vt., or to any of our axenu
tbrougbout the ttata wlll recture prompt attention.
Don't forget tbe old itanl on State ttreet, opposlla
tbe Court House called
THE BISHOP HOTEL!
Where you can get a noo.1 aquare meal and four qaarti
of oata for boiae for llfty centa. No rent to pay and
doliig bunlueet ou harU-pan prlcea. Ona and all glve us
a call, aud you wlll save enougb to buy your wlfe a new
ahawl. lt. KAL.ICS.
Farm for Sale 1
The home farm of II. O. Jonea, late of Ilarre. de
ceasvd, conttlnlrg atiout one huudml snd fifty acres,
all of wblch U smubly d vlded Inio tlll.ge, psture and
wood land Nald fanu Is sltu.ted atiout 4mo nibea
eistrlv of Ilarre vlllage. There Is a go al suar orchard
on ilieplico, and excellent runnlng water to botli house
and b.uu, The bulMlugs are In good repilr, and the
faim 1 ln a hlgli state ot milllrulon. Tenus easy. ln
nulreof COUMKI.IA K. JONES, Eierutrlx, or of
W. A. A O. lt. UOYCE.
Barre, Vt., N ovember 7, 1885. !lrtt
and Examine Them!
OI.T aiKS. OltlMES.
(TUVE! "OLD OEIUE3 15 DI1D,")
Old Mn. Orlraes ls dead. Alasl
We ne'er shall see her more.
Rtae was the wlfe ot good old Orlmcs,
Who dled some years before.
A Tery worthy dame ls gone,
fllnce she gave up her breath;
Her head waa white with frosts of ttme,
Bhe Uyed untll her death.
Though rough the palh, her wllllng feet
E'er walked where duty led;
And never wore a palr of shoes
Except when out ot bed.
Bnsy she was, from morn to nlght,
Splte of old Tlme's advances,
Although her butband left her here
ln easy clrcumstances,
Oood lin. Orlraes ls now at rest,
She'U rest tbrough endless ages i
The snn has set, her work ls done,
She'i gone to clatm her wages.
Brotlier flnrdnor on Womau Sarfrase
and the Cirll IUtrhts lct.
" I hold heah in my hands," said the
president, aa the meetiDg opened in dne
form, " a petishun signed by two hnndred
and twenty passons prayin' dis club to
admit de female sei to membarehip. I'ze
sorry to see 'em wasto so much time.
When de time arroves dat dis club can't
be run without de help of de odder sex,
Paradise Hall will be a deserted ruin."
" Does I understan' de president to be op
posed to what am called woman's rights ?"
asked the Kev. Fenstock, as he suddenly
bobbed up. " You does, sah you doea.
Take de movoment from its incepshnn
twenty y'ars ago, to de present date, and
it has nebber included one true woman.
It has been a movement mapped ont an'
followed by a class of malos an' females
who have somehow kept c'lar of Idiot
asylums, an yit who doan' know nuff to
be lunatics. To de wife an mother de
true woman of de fiah side I grant
homage and reve'fecce. I class her seo
ond ouly to de angels of Heaben. To de
female whoemagines dat de Lawdcreated
her to be sunthin' greater dau a woman, I
grant the same respects as to a man, an'
gin her de same chance to slan' up in a
crowded kyar. I doan' want to meet her nor
t alk to her nor read to her. She am a mighty
poo' woman an' a slim sort of a man."
Lord Nelson Slabs then arosu aud called
attention to the fact that the supreme
court had decided the civil rights act un
constitutional, and he hoped the club
would titke some action in tbe case. Pro
fessor Iligh-Strung Smith, Cborus Sweet,
Brutus Jackson, Elder Toots, Light.
Weight Smith, fiabylon Highbolt and
others followed in the same strain, and
Sir Burdouk Cantelope was on his feet to
ask if the barriers of liberty were to be
torn down without a revolution, wben
Qrother Garduer motioned him to sit
down and said : " Gem'len, dar' am no oc
cashun fur any pertickler ezcitement.
Dat decishun comea too late to kick np
any row. De culled man who has on a
clean shirt, an' who'e manuers am not
offensive, kin take a seat in de parkay
circle an' nobody keers two ceuts about
it. We ride on de cars, sit in de churches,
take seats at de opera, an' the queshnn
am no longer one of color. My advise to
yon has allus bin not to crowd. Dat's de
advice I gin you to-night. We started in
kinder off on color as a race. We am
tryin' to make up fur dat by libin' cleanly
au' respectably, edecatiu' ourselvea out of
de marsh of ignerauce, an' practicin de
manntrj of a gentleman What lights
au' privileges we has airned in a manly
way no legol decishun kin tke from ua.
We will now adjourn." Detroit Free
A doo on a warin summer day lay
down in the shade and soon fell asleep.
He was awakened by the noise of a huge
bull approaching his shady restiug place.
" Get up,'' said the bull, " and let me lie
down there I'' "No," replied the dog,
" you have no right to the place ; I waa
here first." " Well," said the bull, looking
iunocently at the dog, but with a ferocious
twinkle in his left eye, which made the
dog's spinal column ruu cold aud his
lower jw give away, "let ua tosa up for
lt." " Thauk you," said the dog, pohtely,
" I never gamble," and he walked away.
"Wao held the pass of Therompylao
against the Fersian host ?" demanded the
teacher. Aud the editor's boy at the foot
of the class spoke up and said : " Father,
I reckou ; he holds an annual on every
road in the oountry that runs a p&saenger
train." He went up head after the rest
of the class went home.
Between Bohemians : " Will lt give
you pleaaure to breakfast with me?"
" Certainly." " Well, put an extra plato
on your table and iu a quarter of an hour
I will be atyour rooml"
Tiie rain falls alike upon the just and
tho unjust; but it ia tbe unjust who steal
the umbrellas aud let the just feel the
rain New Orleant Picayune.
One caunot always be a hero, but one
can ulways be a man. Guethe.