Newspaper Page Text
.Souths Who Aspiro to Be Pull
Sfi? Mournful Tale of Joel Kndkln-He
Came to Chicago, Only to l'tnd
That 111? Genius IVima't Ap?
[V. Thoro is probably no occupation which
Itfor tho romantically inclined dime-novel
ifiend possesses such a charm as that of
To tho bravo boy with nerve of iron
jand sagacity unparalleled, who Ej^Q 0*1
ttho shady sidoof a straw-stack ten hours
lOutof tho twenty-four reading talcs of
'"Pang-Tooth Jim tho Jumper," "Iland
'somo Harry tho Hustler," or "Scar
jFaced Scully the Scout," tho life of the
?dot^ctlvo is crammed full and running
Over with poetry". In fact, his lot is cast
?but a fow miles this sido of Paradise.
The idea, says tho Chicago News, of
[being the very brain which dictates tho
movements of tho strong arm of tho law
is to tho 'heated imaginations of these
amateur grangers something sublime.
!To rectify tho wrongs of tho innocent
and helpless, to pursuo to conviction
|the villainous perpetrator of tho deeds
in nor pursuit.
of darkness, to hound to the gallows
[foul murderers, is, thinks tho heroic
'?embryo, the acme of earthly glory.
Such being tho caso, it is not strange
Ithat so many applications are received
jby the detcctivo agencies for positions.
There aro scattered through the country
agoncics which advertise for men to do
?detective work in tbe counties of their
residoncc, and it is this sort of an in
stitution which generally "catches" tbe
grangers. Advertisements aro sown
?broadcast in tho country papers, and
upon application from an ambitious
youth, ho is cheerfully accepted. The
applicant is at once informed by mail of
?his appointment as a detective, and re?
quested to advance tbe sum of ftvodollars
as payment for his star, credentials, etc.
This tho future Pinkorton Is always
roady to do, and upon sending in his
cash ho receives a large glittering tin
star, a beautifully worded certificate of
appointment, and instructions to lie low
and await developments.
The agency, in addition to tho above,
generally vouchsafes tho information
that an important case is developing In
tho new detective's locality which will
shortly bo placed in his hands. "Only
this and nothing more," for no matter
how long the young sleuth waits for
.further instructions, they come not. It
is a straight caso of "soak," sufficient to
cure the dcteotivo fever in most cases,
and, as a general thing, tho victim set?
tles down to farm life and sets up a
country grocery, with nothing to re?
mind him of his youthful folly but bis
fading credentials and rusting star. In
some instances, however, tho would-be
sleuth makes a more systematic effort to
reach tho much-to-be-desired goal, and
makes application in person to tho bona
fide agencies in the large cities. Such
applications are not of rare occurrence
in tho agencies of Chicago, and many
amusing incidents growing out of them
can be told.
Tho applicants classified as dime
novel readers are almost exclusively
fresh from farms or country towns, where
tho excessive quiet renders a desire for
almost any sort of excitement natural.
The youths, for they arc always young,
generally have an exaggerated idea of
tho important figure they are to cut in
their new sphere which makes their ig
noranco more laughable than it would
Ono of the most verdant of these
specimens was Mr. Joel Albatross liad
kin, Jr., from Switzerland County, Ind.,
who not long sinco applied for a posi?
tion at one of the prominent detective
agencies of this city. Joel was a pict?
ure, a chrome, a landscape. lie was
built upon that slim, slender plan-, which
has been disguised by some inhuman
punster as tbe "raillery of nature," and
was about as inartistic a piece, of archi?
tecture as one would see in a day's jour
hoy. An extremely small head, light
blue eyes, a long, pointed nose, shocky
straw-colored hair, a wide mouth, a form
like a clothes-horse, and Joel Albatross
is described. Joel is, in his neighbor?
hood, accounted a literary phenomenon,
for not only has ho read "heaps and
piles" of the Seasido Library and other
dark tales, but ho has oven, wondrous
to relate, written scvoral Indian stories
and two or tbreo poems, a stanza from
ono of the latter being, hereby published
as a proof of tho young man's genius: *
Ob, blest be tbe Wont, tbe far away West;
Tho land of tbe sword and guus,
VTbcro tbe brave heroes the dark robber mows
Down, anO.-^tjrs the Injuns."
Such talent could not long remain un?
noticed, and Joel soon became the sago
of his township. Hut ho longed for a
more glorious field in which to earn
fame and fortune, and determined to
seek it in our own windy city. Accord?
ingly he gathered together what fire?
arms ho could scrapo up in the neighbor?
hood and landed in Chicago.
Ho immediately sought outonc of tho
agencies here, sind firmly grasping tho
old army musket which he carried en?
tered tho presence of tho superintend?
"I want to bo a detective," ho calmly
announced, a ha-thc-villain-still-pur
Bues-her expression stealing over his
nohlo countenance. "I'm.from Indiany,
and I ain't no slouch of a detective, you
bot," continued Joel to the superintend?
ent, who stood aghast, gazing at tho ap?
parition. "I've been a modling my cay
rcer artcr Dead wood Dick, and am good
enough in detedtin* now to commence
?'Think so?" inquired tho official, re?
gaining his composure. "So you're from
Indiana, hoy? I would have supposed
from your general appcaranco that you
wore from Now York or London."
"Is that so?" said tho delighted heir
of tho Had kins.
"I thought this hero outfit of mino
would fetch 'cm," ho continued to him?
self, "1 ain't no dorn fool, and I
knowed this hero muskit and butcher
knife was tho proper thing for a detect?
ive. Wall, mister, can you* givo mo a
C&SO to begin work on immediately to
"Well, don't bo so fast. Suppose you
givo mo somo of tho cxperienco you
havo had in this work."
"Wall," said Joel, leaning his gun in a
corner and sitting down on tho superin?
tendent's desk, "I ,hov had a right
smart of experience, I kin tell you. I
havo run down moro villyuns than any
other feller in Switzerland County.
Ono timo thero wuz a feller stealing
pap's watermelyons an' I determined to
run him to tho oarth. (That's what
they say in tho story books.) So I dis?
guised myself with n pair of rope
whiskers and man's green goggles and
wont out after dark ono night, an' I laid
for the villyun. lie came, I saw an' ho
run like thunder. But ho dropped a
sack in his haste. With a stealthy tread
I crept to whero it lay, seized it and
bore it. away in triuirrph. It had on it
Si Bradlcy's name, and ever afterward I
knowed who it was who .stolo them
"Then one day I captured a feller
what stole a buggy whip. I seed him
take it, an' it only took mo threo days
to prove it, and get it back. Oh, as I
said before, I ain't no slouch."
"Perhaps not," said tho superintend?
ent, "but I feel that our agency is not a
lit place in which to utilize your re?
markable talents. I would suggest that
you go back to Indiana armed with firm
determination and that musket, and
henceforth consecrate your lifo to tho
killing of fools. Should that gun chance
some day to .shoot out of the wrong end,
then so much is gained. Xo, thero is no
opening for you, except the ono which
tho carpenter, foreseeing your visit,
kindly provided. Please tako advan?
tage of it. as soon as possible; turn tho
knob to tho right."
.loel did so with a dazed and dreamy
expression tilling every nook and cor?
ner of his extensive countenance. As
ono in u dream ho took tho first train
for Indiana, where ho is probably even
now engaged in ferreting out deep-laid
plots against hen-coops and melon
SIR. ItADKlNS ASKS FOIt A JOB.
patches with all tho skill ever displayed
by a professional from Scotland Yard.
< "That fellow," said tho official who
related the story, "was a fair samplo of
tho granger applicant for positions.
They come hero in all grades of ver?
dancy and ignorance, eager for excite?
ment and renown, generally leaving
about as Mr. Kadkin did. It lakes a
mighty smnrt. man to bo a detective, tho
principal acquirements being the ability
to keep one's mouth shut. We get, most
of our men from the ranks of tho polico
force and places of that order. Even
with that sort of a man it lakes at least
a year's training to mako a reliable de?
tective, and you can imagino tho labor
it would require to manufacture a first
class man out. of such material as Joel.
That sort of fellow may generally rely
on being given the key to the street."
"Papa,".be asked, "don't wasps build
their nests of mud?"
"They do, my son," said bis father.
"Are wasps good for any thing?"
"So far as we know, Willie, they aro
"Then the mud is wasted, isn't it?"
"I presume it is."
"Then it's just like our Irene, isn't
"Because it's wasp-wasted?"
And the strong man, who had always
felt hopes that; Willie somo timo would
enter the ministry, went out to tho
coal-shed and wept.?Chicago Tribune.
A Brainy Boy.
Chicago Teacher?Yes, corned beef is
one of our most famous exports. Now,
who can toll me what stands next to
Boston Little Boy (triumphantly) ?
Father?Didn't I toll you I would
whip you if I caught you in the water
Son?Yes, sir; and that's the reason I
nurried out when I saw yju coming.?
Fine rcsidenc^and business property, in any part of Roanoke,
call on or address
L. POWELL & COMPANY.
Roanoke, Va. Office Stewart Building, Third avenue, opposite city postoffice.
S?-->4 ?~^< T~ "T A a "\ * ?v a. j..davis. .1. a. pauk. august benino
. O. Orl Ar JlLIA, make z^oin-ie-^- fast:
No. 5 SALEM AVE. - - - FULL STOCK.
REPAIRING PROMPTLY EXECUTED.
scon & RIVES,
Real Estate Agents,
105 JEFFERSON STREET,
If you want to make
Safe and Profitable Investments,
Call on or write to
DA.-VIS, ZE^A-GKE 6z CO.,
Kcal Estato Agents, 32 Salem Avenue, Koanokc, Va.
We have a corps of salesmen that will always bo ready to show our cu -Corners
about the city. Parties desiring information in the mater of investments,
great or small, will do well to consult us. oct3-lm
A full line of
CUTCHIN, ELLIS & CO.,
112 Jefferson street,
Offer the following
100 root on Albeinarle street.?1,900
00 feet on Franklin lload. 2,200
A choice corner on Mountain St.. 3,000
lOOfdeton Roanoke St., fine shade, 5,000
Fine residence on Jefferson St.... 9,500
A rare bargain in an entirely
; new residence in Hyde Park.
House contains hot and cold
water, stable, coal and wood
house. Will make terms to
^ We have the cheapest busi?
ness and residence properties
in the city.
Correspondence solicited, j
?h are open for inspection.
Business and Residence, Improved and Unimproved Prop
! erty of every description in all parts of the city for sale on the
most liberal terms.
Purchases made for non-residents without charge. Visitors
will be shown every attention whether they buy or not. Call
on or wite us. wi-im
Avenue. Koanokc, Virginia.
J. F. WINGFIELD,
Fire, life and accident, in?
surance and real estate agent,
has moved his office to
NO. 114 COMMERCE STREET,,
The largest mines, the richest lands, tho finest limber surrounds Ivanhoe.
Iron, load and zinc are already being smelted in Ivanhoe and vicinity.
Where he Will be pleased to j Charters secured for other iron and xinecompanies for tho purpose of or< sting
see his customers. Major A.1
L. Pitzer is with this firm, and
would be glad to see his friends.
WYTHE COUNTY, VA.
DisMy the Richest Mil Tim in Soiwest Virginia.
ENGLEBY & BROS.,
TIN AND SHEET-IRON WARE,
AMI DKAI.KHS IN ATX KINDS OP
COOKIN0 AM) HEATING STOVES.
C. A. HEATH, Large Foundry, Machine Shops
and Stove Works
The well-known Jefferson Street
IB^k-IR IB IE IRj
Has opened a Harber Shop in Hotel j
Room in basement. my.'-tf i
jjL.p. McXAMEE. TOM. HAYSLIP.
McNAMEE & HAYSLIP,
HOUSE, SIGN AMD FRESCO PAINTERS,
GHA1XRHS AND PAPE It HANGERS.
Shops, Radford, Va. Richlnhds, Va..
Hueii'a Vista, Va. Headquarters, Roa?
noke, Va. buck Hox 9, Roanoke, Va.
fi A ITITS7/r>\T W. lu llouBlnn JShocn are
warranted, nmi every pair
has bin unme mid price stamped on boltotii.
Plumbing and Gas-Fitting, Roofing. |
Spouting and .lobbing.
19 Salem avenue, ROANOKE, VA.
The East Tennessee
Virginia & Georgia
IS THE ONLY SHORT AND DIRECT
LINE TO T11E
Under.construction. Free sites and liberal inducements to manufacturers.
Immense limestone and iron and sdnc mines are being worked or developed
within the town. Important industries secured, and negotiations pi n i::uc
A railroad center in the heart of the greatest
iron region in the United States. The only
town on this great Southern connec?
tion of the Norfolk and Western
Tho world famous limonib* and mountain ores of the Cripple Creek Val?
ley and the celebrated Oossail and magnetic ores of Carroll county are within
?minimum haul of Ivanhoe. In direct, communication with the Pocahontas
coal and coke fields. Heing 2,000 foot above the sea the climate is i'Tistir
passed by the celebrated mountain resorts of the world. Vast tracts of Virgin
forests close to hand that can be floated down to Ivanhoe.
Magnificent hotel, stores and dwellings under
contract. The cheapest and best lots
in the South.
The ivanhoe Land and Improvement Company are now receiving applica?
tions for lots. Only those lots that have two or more applicants will l>o
offered at auction.
South, Southwest k West,
The finest Pullman Vestibule sleep
I ing car service, in the South -Pullman
! Sleepers without change, Koanokc to
I Knoxville. Chattanooga. Rome, Annis
I ton, Solina, Montgomery, .Mobile and
; New Orleans.
' Direct connection madont Rome and
I Chattanooga with through sleepers for
! ATLANTA, MACON & JACKSONVILLE
For any further information, address
b; a. warren,
Trav. Pass. Agi.. Kristol, Tonn.
C. A. BENSCOTER,
Ass. GenM Pass. Agt.
15. W. VVRENN,
j jy23tf Gen. Pass. Agt. Knoxville,Tenn.
W. L. DOUGLAS GREAT SALE OCTOBER 15, 1890
^ _ a. m m .a. bob COO '
$3 SHOE GENTLEMEN.
Fine Calf and I.nced Wnterproof Grain.
Tho excellence and wearing qualities of this shoo
i ennnot l>c better shown than by tho strong sndorse
I mcDta of Its thousands of constant wearers,
Sf-.OO Genuine Unntl-pewed. an elegant arid
' O ityllsh dress Shoo which commends itself.
Syi.00 lland-pewed Writ, a One- cnlf shoo
"(fli unequalled for slvlo and durability.
SO.SO Goodyear Welt lr. the standard dress
! O Shiio, ut a popular price. .
SO.GO Pollceman?? Shoe mr-.pecl.illy adapted
?3 fur railroad men. farme rs, etc.
Ml made iu Congress, Hutten and I.ace.
$3&$2 SHOES LAtPses,
hav3 been most favorably recelvrd since Introduced
and the recent Improvements make them superior
to any shoes sold at these tirlre...
Ask your Di aler, t,r.d If ho cannot supply you send
direct to faetorv enclosing advertised price, or a
rjGbtul for order blanks.
jiuBia. w> I(> i>yi.;tJi,AS, UrockCoa, Maas.
J. M. HARRIS.
A grand chance for investment. Maps, price lists, plans, plats, et^., sen',
W. C. VAN D?REN, President. | Q. M. SEELEY, Sec'y and T eas.
3ZD G3 H? O S ~
JORDAN L. MOTT, owner.I. L. Mott Iron Works, Mott Haven, New York.
( HAS. G. EDDY, vico-presidont N. .v. W. Railroad, Roanoke, Va.
EDWIN. EINSTEIN, ox-Congrossnnin from New York City. Capitalist and
director in the New River Mineral Company.
GEO. II. SEELEY, of New York City, Capitalist and president of Now
River Mineral Company.
W. C. VAN D?REN, of Ivanhoe, Va.
GEN. .1 AS. A. WALK ER, of Wytheville, Va.
HERBERT Q. DULL, Capitalist and Lawyer, New York City. ti