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"RE FMAETTE MDERTISBI
L &F7yBT 1. LOUISUN~A.
An engine ariver of the Central Asian
railway, who sustained concussion of the
brain in a serious accident some time ago,
sued the railway officials for damages in
a court at Samarcand, and obtained very
satisfactory and somewhat original com
pensation. The court decreed that he
should be paid 7000 roubles down at
once, and in addition should receive
thirty roubles, or $15 a month, with an
extra ten roubles for every child which
might be born to him.
F Hardly any accidents are more dread.
ful than those which occur in collieries
It is hard enough for the poor miners tc
go down into the dark cold earth and
delve in its black veins. They love th'
bright sunshine and pure air. But the
worst of their lot is the dreadful possi
bility of fire or a cave-in. To die like
rats in a hole, the flames roasting their
unfortunate bodies is a ghastly fate. Yet
It is only too common. A mine in Eng
land, which was considered a model one
for ventilation, recently had an explo
sion, and one hundred and seventy minerl
' The residence in various Central and
South American countries that have no
extradition treaties with the United
States of prominent fugitives from justice
from the United States suggested to the
'All-American Congress the propriety of
formulating a stringent treaty which
shall deliver all such offenders to our au
thorities for punishment. Such a docu
ment has been prepared by one of the
committees, and, according to the Wash.
ington Star, stands a good chance of
adoption. No argument is necessary to
re-enforce the facts and procure the rati
fcation of a properly formed treaty of
extradition w ith every civilized power.
During the heat of the excitement over
the English imbroglio, some enterprising
merchant placed on the Portuguese mar
ket a "Serpa Pinto" hat, named after the
celebrated explorer. They sold like wild
fire, as they were warranted to be of
Portuguese manufacture. Suddenly it
was discovered that the hats were really
made in hated England. The revulsion
x01 feeling .produced by this announce
metit hasresulted at Lisbon in the most
eccentric demiionstrations on the part of
thh populace. It was not uncommon to
meet,, in the streets, bodies of men en
gaged in the wholesale destruction of the
detested headgear, trampling on the hats
and threatening those who still wore
An ingenious counterfeiter has turned
up in Chicago. His name is S. H. Shanks
and he has been arrested. His methods
arere unique and interesting. He took
one-dollar silver certifcates, and by means
ot acids and fine pen work the large figure
410one' on the reverse side was changed
into two."tens," and the intermediate
portion *'as transformed into a scroll.
On the other side the "one" over the re
presentation on the silver dollar was ob.
4terated and "ten" substituted. The
wlmgle, "one" figures in the corners were
,eatly eaten off and the small figure
4 '.' substituted. 3The- small "one"
'!s4 changed to an X and a new number
lass printed in red upon the face. None
amtla expert would detect.the fraud.
saute agitation against the practice
Sof li ngthe hat in greeting persons in
th streeti in progress throughout Aus
Vria. The movement originated in Peath.
#r4 or tiree meetings of prominent men
decided, when the influenza was at its
worst, that baring the head in the open
air ought to be discouraged, and passed
resolutions in favor of introducing thq
'iolitary sklute in the place of the bow
`lth tfie lifted hat. The Pesth dailies
to6kup the subjects with avidity, and
waere-oon in a pretty little newspaper
sawow as to just 4hat motions etiquette re
quired a man to go through when he met
sa acquaintance in the street. The dail.
toda other Austro-Hungarian cities jgined
ntmihe discussion. Consequently the ques.
ion of hat raising has become a national
Teavi Iemorial Volume.
- 5* DR. J, Wa.JONEs.
from. the publialers,. Messrs,
:x u s Co., of Atlanta, Ga.,
avla Memorial volume being
by the . sua athor, Dr. J.
Y.,m m _ sobrtere hsbeen an en
demand for such a work
ma edfaet that it will have
ý" +ýA Co., say they ex
..; anvaaers in :the fcied in a
p.abl4tf will not have long
*ýth a'great love ana a4mira=
eou ra8ien people for'
'' pcat ;that the talented
leI to heals
The recent influenza killed more peo
ple in Paris than the last two visitations
of cholera. But the news that the
dreaded Asiatic pest has made 3000 vic.
tims at Bussorah is making London and
Paris very uneasy, all the same.
The Hebrew employers of Philadelphia
have given warning to all of their race
in their employ who entertain atheistic
and anarchistic ideas that they must
either relinquish their connection with
associations advocating such doctrines or
seek employment elsewhere.
The women of Lathrop, Mo., have
been waging a furious warfare against
the saloons of that place. They recently
wrecked the most palatial drinking es
tablishment in the town and confiscated
the liquor. The prosecuting attorney
has been requested to resign, but refi ed
to do so. The inhabitants are divided
on the matter.
In the opinion of the San Francisco
Chronicle, it looks very much as though
the general discontent in China with the
young Emperor would end in his abdica
tion or his sudden removal by those
means in which all Oriental courts are ex
pert. Nothing but disaster has been
known since he assumed power, and the
merchants and farmers now ascribe the
evil days that have fallen on them to his
malignant influence. When this opinion
becomes universal among so superstitious
a people as the Chinese, the young ruler
will have to go.
The &ientific American declares it a
habit, far too common, for railway
officers and some railway papers to speak
in a derisive way of any man who invents
or offers a new device in the hue of rail
way appliances, especially if he is not a
practical railway man. He is dubbed a
"crank," or a "coupler fiend," as the
case may be. One who has devised and
put into practice a very important devise,
and who has made a fortune by it, is
commended and held in high honor, not
withstanding the fact that he may have
patented a half dozen other devices that
are as ridiculous as any of those of a real
idiot. As the sneer of a poor fool has
been known to strike palzied an arm just
raised to reap a crowning victory, so
there is no doubt that this custom of
ridiculing inventors has deterred many a
man from bringing out some very useful
device, for fear of becoming a butt for
this class of ridicule. Very many of the
most valuable railway appliances now in
practical use have been devised by men
having no practical experience in railway
work, and had it not been for this class
of inventors, very little progress would
have yet been made in railway improve.
The crematory has taken the place of
the potter's field at Paris, and since the
first of the present year all the corpses of
persons who have died in the hospitals,
and have not been claimed for burial by
relatives or friends, are sent to be cre
mated at the establishment for the
purpose, in the Pere La Chaise Cemetery.
Until a few weeks ago the regulation
number of cremations at Pere La Chaise
did not exceed three per diem. But
since the new edict of the Perfect of the
Siene has come into force, as many as
thirty-five corpses have been sent in by
the various hospitals in a single day
This is more than the present crematory
can dispose of in the twenty-four hours,
and in view of the gruesome and rapid
accumulation of "subjects," measures
have been adopted by the authorities
for the immediate enlargement of the
establishment. Of course, observes the
New York Tribune, the thought of cre
mation adds somewhat to the dread with
which the ignorant poor are accustomed
to regard the hospital. But, on the
other hand, it must be admitted that in
cineration is the most scientific method of
disposing of the dead.
During 1889 we received 430,000 im
migrants, exclusive of those coming from
Canada and Mexico. During the last ten
years, according to the statistics of the
Treasury Department, the foreign im
migration amounts to 5,272,959, not in
eluding the Canadian and Mexican, of
which no record is kept. The Mexican
is very small, but there has been a great
rush from Canada, computed by many to
amount to one million persons. At any
rate the number is enough to swell the
total to six millions. The greatest
number of immigrants that e pr came to
the United States in one year was in
1882, when the total reached 730,349.
The cha kcter of this new population has
changed somewhat since then, and fortu
nately for the bitter, a larger percentage
of it coming from Germany and the
United Kingdom. Whil° immigration
has undoubtedly been of inmnense benefit
to this country, the Courier-Journal re
gards the character of some of the people
apming from Central and Southern
Europe as "not entitling them to con
sideration as desirable citileps. Much
of the latter itan is now turned aside`
to othercountries, and the United States
Las at least partial relief from the pres
THE END OF DAY.
The day is done!
Across the western sky
Are golden streaks of light,
As if the chariot of the sun
Had left them in its flight.
The day is done:
The spring and babbling brook
In each sequestered nook.
Seem resting from the noonday's heat,
And settling down to slumbers sweet.
The day is done!
The daisies nod on cope and hill,
Voices of bird grow hushed and still.
And through the forest Silence brood',
For this is Nature's sweetest mood.
The day is done!
On the mossy marbles. 'cross the way,
The uncertain light gleams dim and gray,
And on the names carved o'er the tomb
It settles with a lonely gloom.
The day is done
One by one, front the village n'ar,
The lights begin to disappear.
Oh! weary hearts, with sorrow pre:,l,
The night has come: 'tis tLme to rest.
The day is done!
Peac', blessed peace, broods over all;
Night enters in her lordly hall.
All to Silence give their claim,
For now behold the Night doth reign.
-Mail and Express.
A BACK DOOR ROMANCE
BY DORA READ GOODAT.E.
She was only a servant, orphaned,
friendless and plain-at least she had
always been called plain, although really
there was something quite charming
about that wide forehead, with the dark
hair rolled smoothly above it, and the
timid, yet speaking dark eyes. Poor
Jenny! she bad never known more than
a stolen peep at herself in a full-length
mirror, and the high, inaccessible hand
glass that hung in the kitchen gave no
flattering view of the small, childish
figure and red little hands. But she was
a simple creature, and by no means ill
content with her plate as house-maid and
waitress at the Ingalls's large mansion,
especially now that the winter was break
ing up, and her lover would soon be re
turning-or so she believed.
He had started out with his knapsack
to seek his fortune-that, stalwart young
carpenter with the handsome black curls
-and before he went there had been a
little love-making, and he had taken a
kiss when he left, and promised to come
back at the end of a year, if all went well
with his work and he kept the same mind.
"But if I shouldn't turn up," he had
said-although why should she thin!.
about that?-''if I shouldn't get back,
after all, when Valentine Day comes.
we'll count it all over between us, and
it's likely you'll soon have an eve
to some other chap besides me." Faith
ful, innocent little heart! had it ever
dreamed of letting a stranger supplant
him, although almost twelve months had
rolled by without bringing her tidings at
all? Her lover's hand was not as clever
with the pen as it was with the saw and
the chisel, and Jenny herself looked on
spelling as one field for the exercise of
original talent. Had she not discouraged
the milkman's repeated attentions, and
never even looked at the grocery boy-a
beautiful youth, with eyes like the bluest
of turquoises? And now, as the time of
Aleck's return approached, she felt in
her heart a sort of mysterious energy,
the blessed premonition of a day of new
duties and cares. At night she lay
awake in her bed, staring at the wall,
and planning out how she would braid a
large rug, and make a shade for the
lamp, with rosettes on the sides. She
worked with feverish activity now
through the whole afternoon, scouring
the knives to a reqlly unnatural bright
ness, and inventing a quite new pattern
in cutting the newspaper edge that
adorned the kitchen shelves! The
kitchen! that was her province, and all
its small fashions were a matter of as
much pride to her as those of the parlor
or drawing-room are to you, my dear
lady. There she not only dined and re
ceived~her guests, but the whole place was
a patent, immediate test of the strongest
leanings and facilities of her nature.
There was the cook, it is true, who dis
puted this kingdom with her, but the
cook was a geiddle-aged woman, a little
lame in one foot and subdued by years,
who was not disposed to work mischief
to Jenny's arranusements.
At last Valentine's Day came, a day
after one's heart, and Jenny was dressed
very early, in a new cotton dress, beauti
fully trimmed with frills at the throat
and the. wists, and tied with a new
piece of ribbon. It was very warm for
the season. The first hyacinth blos
somed that day, and that seemed a good
omen for the future-this little one
dwelt a great deal on the future, and
had but few thoughts for the past. Yet
the hours wore away, and Aleck did not
appear. There was no further pretext
for delaying the eating of dinner, and
Jenny could barely taste of the fried
meat balls, which were seasoned with
onion to please him. And then at last
night came on and the gates were shut
to, and the great tears rolled down her
cheeks and hissed on the stove as she
was turning the omelette for supper,
for she had been learning to cook, and
was skilful and dexterous. Indeed, her
hands trembled so much that she
dropped the large platter itself when she
waited on table, and the omelette fell to
the floor and was ruined forever.
"Why, Jenny,, what on earth is the
matter?" said Miss Marie, rather sharply.
She was not an ill-tgmpered girl, but the
mishap was disconcerting; the more so
because her fiance w ts at table beside
"I think I must be a=going to have
chills and fever,' gesponided poor Jenny,
in a high-pitcl~d. unnatural voice,
fluishing all over the face, which had
grown some~hat thin during thess few
weeks of anticipation. "I think you'd
better send me down to the hospital,
"Hospital' Nonsense! If you're ,ill
we'll take care of you here," answered
Marie, quite kindly. She was going to
* party that night, and had on a light
blue dress with rose-colored sashes.
When she went up to put on her dress
she called Jenny and gave her two pills
-bitter, detestable pills-which did not
Poor Jenny! she had a fever indeed:
but it was that fever which our forebears
have known since the sons of God first
looked on the daughters of men; and
the ague that followed was such a chill
as can only come from the near brerth
And now there was to be a wedd~in at
the house of the Ingalises; Miss Marie
and her betrothed were to marry one in
other at Easter, and there were dress
makers and milliners in the large up
stairs rooms all day long. The servants'
wardrobes were swelled by the cast-off
garments to a condition of absolute
plethora, for Mrs. Ingalls also was going
abroad directly after the wedding, and
Jenny was told that she must look for a
new place. 11er mistress gave her a
-character" in her tall, flowing hand,
setting forth that the gill was honest,
neat, willing and industrious. It never
occurred to Mrs. Ingalls in writing these,
words to ask herself whether they would
recommend a girl to any other position
than that of a house-maid, or whether
her on n voureger daughters, or Miss
Marie herself, could have obtained any
where a like testimonial.
Great were the preparations, I say, in
which Jenny bore her part with a heavy
heart, for Aleck had no relatives in that
part of the world, and there was no sac
rifice of pride she could make which
would bring her news of his whereabouts.
Only in secret she lived in her grief, and
could feel no interest in anything, al
though two strange women had been
called in to bake, and a waiter hired
from the village. She was favorite with
them all, for she was both artless and
capable-one of those priceless girls-at
the same time timid and helpful. At last
the great day dawned and the people as
sembled. The church was near at hand.
and she crept in at the last moment, and
stood at the end of the aisle with the
other house-servants. She had forgotten
to take off her apron, which shamed her
at first, the poor child but soon she was
glad to hold the hem tight to her eyes
and cry to herself through the service in
innocent wretchedness. The bridegroom
saw her when the bridal party came out,
and stopped to slip a bright silver piece
into her hand, for which she dropped
him a courtesy. but could not stop cry
ing. The girl's image was pleasantly
joined in his mind with the pasties or
sweetmeats she had often served to him
so noiselessly, and he thought to himself
that she showed a good heart, and was
sorry to part with his Marie.
Come away, Jenny' the walls are dis
mantled now, the windows nailed up, the
guests and the mistress are gone; half
sacks of flour, and joints of meat scarcely
cut, and mountains of pudding and cake,
have been seized and wrangled over
among the scrub-women, and now the
rooms are deserted, the house door is
locked, and you must be moving with
the others. Down the road she goes in
her neat poor frock, her hat with its
modest feather, and her shawl-poor
Jenny!-thinking still of Aleck Ross, the
black-haired carpenter and her false
lover. Does she reproach him as she
forces back the tears? Not she; for is
not the great world full of prettier and
more deserving maidens? A year! Why,
that is a long, long time; and it had not
been serious courtship to him, but only
such words as a man may use to a girl,
and kiss her, and go away after. All her
maiden belongings, alas! and the little
store of earnings she had saved against
her need, are strapped up now in her
russet-leather trunk, and taken to the
station by the milkman. She will go to
Norrisville, where her old aunt lives, a
long, long way from here, fully sixty
miles if one should walk it, and there
she will get work and be a servant all
her life, for she loves hard labor and the
A few weeks later Jenny was just
leaving the presence of good Mrs. Perry,
mistress of a substantial old homestead
in the small, straggling township of
Norrisville, after having displayed her
credentials and obtained a month's en
gagement on trial.
The kitchen to which she was now in
troduced was unlike any with which her
short life had acquainted her. It was a
farm kitchen, oid-fashioned but clean
sweet-smelling, with dark beams project
ing from the ceiling, and smoked hams
and flitches of bacon depending there
from, a wide fireplace, which formed a
recess for the stove; a long, whitey
brown table newly scrubbed; small-paned
windows, and three-cornered oaken cup
boards. Here were buckets of skim-milk
made warm for the calves-for it was
chore time now and began to grow dusky
-a basin of white curd squeezed dry for
the last brood of turkeys, and loaves of
rye bread, such as Jenny had never seen,
fresh from the oven, and steaming under
their wrappings. Close by the fire a
little motherless lamb was pinned
up in blankets, and stirring and
bleating uneasily, with a voice
so like a baby's that it made ong's heart
tremble; and a bushel of potatoes "cut
to eyes" for planting suggested to the
little town waitress a horde of famished
barbarians. The ruling divinity here
was Mistress Ann Pettibone, a spinster,
shrewd, terse, sound and dogmatic, and
not to be outdone in that special depart
ment of "smartness" to which she ap
plied herself. She received the new
comer with a series of vigorous nods,
east an eye over her, approved her neat
look and opened conversation wits the
gusto of a born general.
"Waal, it's a good thing Mrs. Ferry's
got some one to help afore there's any
more hands to board," she began, with
an emphasis on the word "some one"
that failed to be quiite complimentary.
"It's the back'ardest spring I ever see,
an' the mud that's ben tracked in here
sence the middle o' March 'ud be enough
to fill up a fair-sized pease patch. Ever
work out before?"
"Oh, yes, always," said Jenny, blush
ing and quaking.
*' Wall. I only as'd," declared Mistress
Pettibone, shortly. "Looks like an un*
dersized cosset, she dons," was her men
tal addition. "The men folks is put te
it naow to get in the crops, but, law
sakes! 'tain't nothin' to what it '11 be
thro' havin'! Here, you might take
a-holt an' beat up these cakes ef you're
a min' to. Land! w'y, they sot up the
bes' part o' the night gittin' the hay
in from that south medder las' year, an'
they et-waal, I swaan, haow they did
eat!" Here the good Ann seized upon
Jenny's howl, and began to bake griddle
cakes as if for an army of harvesters.
"How heautifully you do it!" said
Jenny. 'Won'to youclarn me how some
time'' Oh, artless one, are you thus al
re:uly the mistress of such skilful ca
''ilumph! Here, taste a bit, an' see ef
I've got enough sodt-. Yew hear haow
Mis' Perry's old Durham got choked?
Jenny shook her head, not daring to
ask what a Durham was. "Waal, they'd
pitched gout a hull lot o' ruty-bagys an'
sich to the cattle one day, an' some way
that critter got a piece stuck in her throat.
I hear asort o' rumnblin' an' looin' gout
to the farm yard, an' run aout, au' thar
she was daoun on her fore-knees a-tossin'
her head up over the wall an' suckin
her wind in for dear life. The men folks
was off to the mill, an' I dassent go nigh
her; but jes' then I see a stranger conic
by, an' I hoilered aout to him, an' what
sh'd he do but roll up his shirt sleeve,
I an'-ketch her about the neck somehow
-' Here Ann paused dramatically.
"What did he do that for?" asked
Jenny, at last, really with some discern
ment, seeing that the whole episode was
scarcely more intelligible to her than
"W'v, don't you see, he run his hull
arm down her throat, an' up come that
piece o' turnip as slick as a candle."
"'And didn't the-the animal bite
him?" asked Jenny, more timidly.
"Waal, she 'id then," said Ann,some
what gruffly, because no raconteur likes
to have his climax anticipated. "She
did chaw his arm up consid'sble, though
you'd never 'a' thought she'd 'a' done it.
They said she bit clean thro' a cord, or a
nerve, or suthin', an' he went off his
head for a spell, an' it turned sort o'
numb-like. Mis' Perry, she's kep' him
on sence, an' doctored him up, seemn'
how he saved her best caow; an' then
he's a real handy man naow hi.s arm's git
tin' better, an' a master one for splittin'
up kindlin's. He's nout thar naow in the
shed, an' you can jes' step to the dooran'
call hind to supper. Come! lie's got a
sweetheart up caountry, he says, so you
needn't mind him."
"Oh, I wasn't thinking of that," mur
Imred poor little Jenny.
''Waal, lie writ a letter to her quite a
spell ago," said Ann, confidentially.
"'le sent it to the folks she used to work
for. But he 'ain't got no answer yet,au'
I sh'd say it's as like as not she's got
merried. He says not, he does; he says
she ain't that kind; but land! it's hard
to tell what kind a gal is!"
Jennie had not been paying much heed
be-fore, but now her breath caume fast and
her heart began to beat ttrangely. "He'd
ought to 'a' held her jaws apart with a
billet o' wood," Ann was saying, inconse
quently, "she al'ays was just that ugly."
The girl rose and went ouit of the half
open door. All was hushed and tran
quil. A red color still shone in the west
at the back of the orchard, and the fresh,
good smell of newly-plowed -earth was
dispersed in the April twilight.
"Supper's ready," she said, in her
sweet, low voice, peering in through the
dusky arch of the shed. A young man
sat on the block with his arm in a sling.
He pushed back his hat and looked up,
then sprang up. It was Aleck.-Harper',
Desperate Fight With a Deer.
Noah Williams, a -farmer in Winston
County, Ala., had an exciting adventure
with a deer a few days ago, which came
near costing him his life. Williams, it
appears, went out hunting, armed only
with a small squirrel rifle. He had
tramped through the woods several hours
with indifferent success and sat down on
a log to rest. He had been sitting there
only a few minutes when he saw a large
deer walking toward him. The deer
was about one hundred yards away, but,
fearing the animal would take fright and
get away before he could get a shot, the
hunter raised his rifle and fired.
At the report of the gun the deer
drooped to the ground, and without
waiting to load his gun Williams ran to
secure his game. He was within twenty
feet of the prostrate deer, when the ani
mal suddenly leaped to its feet and
sprang at the hunter. Before he even
had time to raise his gun to defend him
self by using it as a club, the animal's
horns struck him and knocked him down.
Then the deer leaped into the air, and,
with his sharp hoofs close together, came
down on the body of the prostrate man,
cutting his flesh severely. Again and
again the deer leaped on the writhing,
struggling man, and each time the sharp
hoofs cut terrible wounds in the hunter's
body and limbs.
.Williams, fortunately, did not lose his
presence of mind, and managed to get
his pocket knife open. Then he strug
gled to his hands and knees and finally
succeeded in catching the deer by the
horns with one hand, and with the knife
in tke other, he commenced cutting at
animal's neck and throat. It was a des
perate struggle, for the man was growing
weak from loss of blood; but he was mad
with pain, and finally succeeded in reach
ing a vital spot with his knife, and in a
-few minutes the deer lay dead at his feet.
Williams finally succeeded in stopping
the flow of blood from his wounds and
with difficulty made his way home. Hle
sent his son and a neighbor after the deer
and his gun.
An exa:uinat on of the body of the
animai sh wed teat the bullet from Wil
liam.s ritia struck the decr about the
centre of the forehead and flattened
against the skull without breaking it.
The forc, of the ball had bean juag
enough to knock the animal down and
stun it for a minute. Williams's clothes
were torn to shreds and his body lacer
ated in nearly fifty places by the sharp
hoofs of the animal.-G1obe-D~mecrat.
Wanted-a man-who is gentle and jus,
A man who is upright, and truetohistrust,
Who cares more for honor than he cares for
And who loves his neighbor as well as him
Who' sober and earnest, and merry and gay,
Who cheerfully shoulders the cares of the
Whose principle's high, w5io-e integrity's
Who'd rather do right any time than do
Yet who to a sinner showv sorrow anl pity.
Wanted-a man-is there cie in the city?
Wanted-a woman-no saint. understand,
But a womanly woman, who. on CverŽ hand,
Sheds the lustre of purity, goodue s and
Who carries her loveliness stumped on her
Whose wisdom's intuitive, in'ight is deep,
Who makes living sunshine where life's
Who's poised in her little w.orld's centre,
Is gentle, responsive and tender and true;
Whose sweetness and graci'Jusness fit like a
Do you think I might find sewh a one in the
-D troit Free Pcss.
PITH AND POINT.
The train of ideas is an "express."
A howling success-The prosperous
A question of time-''When can I get
my watch out?"-Life.
A fashion paper says, ''Pockets are
not found in ladies' dresses u''w." Were
The boy who cut his foot while chop.
ping wood, says that it was entirely
Teacher-"Tommy, how is the earth
divided?" Tommy- 'Between them
that's got it and them that wants it."
Terre Haute Express.
There are fewer men who never open
their mouths without saying something
than there are who never say something
without opening their mouths.- Wakh
George-"What is your favorite pet
name for your father, Louise?" Louise
(looking at George in a most pathetic
and appealing manner)- 'Pop " (They
are now engaged.)-Boston Yost.
An instrument has been invented for
registering the "pulse beat." What is
wanted more is one that will register the
"dead beat," without littering up the
merchants' books with his name.-Dans
Old Mr. Cumso-''The doctor certainly
told me to drink hot water one hour be
fore meals, and here I have only been
drinking for twenty minutes and I'll be
eternally etceteraed if I can swallow
Very Fat Gentleman-"Boy, can you
tell me the quickest way I can get to the
station?" Very Naughty Boy (after look
ing him over carefully)-"I sh'd say
you'd better lay down 'n roll over 'bout
Maker of musical instruments, cheer
fully rubbing his hands: "There,thank
goodness, the bass fiddle is finished at
last !" (after a pause) "Himmel-Don
nerwetter! If I haven't gone and left
my glue-pot inside !"-Retechthale'.
Mother-"Oh, doctor! My darling
boy has swallowed a needle. What shall
I do?" Doctor-"Do not be alarmed,
madam. He will soon have a stitch in
his side. We can then locate the needle,
and extract it. "-Mensey's Weekly.
Mrs. Figg-"Isn't there any way to,
get rid of that young Jir x who keeps
calling on Clara, without positively in
sulting him?"' Mr. Figg-"Why, cer
tainly. Just give him the baby to hold
the next time he cornea."- Terra HastW
Mr. Hardfist (to beggar)-"There is
no excuse for being hungry in New
York. There are plenty of cheap res
taurant where you can get a itood din
ner at a mere nominal ccst." Beggar
"But I haven't the mere nominal to meet
the cost."-'emazs Sif~tings.
A new cure for hydrophobia consist&
of a solution of chlorine, bromine, suil
phurous acid and permanganate of pot
'ash, with oil of eucalyptus. It looks as
though it would kill hydrophobia easily.
enough, but where would it leave the
A gentleman who several years ago lost
both legs informs us that his trousers
never bag at the knees. We print the.
information for the benefit of such of our
readers who have hitherto been unable te
discover a remedy for this annoying pro
pensity of pantaloons.-Boston Traa'
"That is all right," he said, as he took
up his hat, "but I have got seventeen 5sis
ters already. You are now down on the
list as the eighteenth. Speaking with &
full knowledge of all the tacts, some girl
has got to stop this one-'sided streak of
relationship pretty soon or I wlill disown'
toe whole family."-Phuiaelphia Timeae.
Teaching an Elephant to be Useful.
The keeper of the New York Central
Park menagerie is training an elephant.
to carry people on its back. A howdah
loaded with eight children is to be placed
on the docile beast. The camels, drome
daries and elephants that form part of
the resident staff off of the "Zoo" in
Regent's Park, London, are made to earm
some of their bread by strolling about
with cargoes of infants, at a tariff of
four cents a head. The dead Mr. Jumbo
must have carried hundreds of tons of
small Britons in his time, and might be'
carrying them yet had it not been for the
fact that his keepers feared he would
mutiny and dill a cargo or two.
Every year shows a large increase is
tie shipments of Russian petroleum 4
England, while America remains nearly