Newspaper Page Text
if "?.JiM 0
DKMOCUATIO IN POLITICS) I'UKIG IN LITKHATUIlKi AND l'llOGUlKHSIVK IN HOUXIIKltN 1NTEUEST8.
BY A. M. EURNEY & CO, MMINNVILLE, TENNESSEE, SATURDAY, AUGUST 20, 1881. VOL. II.-NO. 41.
NEWS AND NOTES
A Summary of Xraportant Events,
Tub American Bankers' Convention
assembled at Niagara Falls on tlio 10th, with
it largo attendance.
The Boer Government has been form
idly proclaimed. It is to be known ns tho
South African Republic.
Bradlacoii is suffering from a severe
Attack of erysipelas, said to bo the indirect
result of his personal encounter in the lobby
of the House of Commons.
Maud S has again lowered tho trot
ting record by a quarter of a second, having
made a mile in !!:1QM at Buffalo, on tho
11th. This leaves St. Julicn Just an even
Captain Joseph L. Stephens, one
of tho Lent-known citizens of Missouri, who
has been identified with many of the largest
enterprises of tho day, died at his home in
Boonville, on tho 11th, aged 53.
John Dillon has been released from
Jail, and it is said nearly all other persons
nrrcstcd and imprisoned under the Coercion
vet, save those guilty of participating in
outrages, will soon be set free.
President Gauiield, on the 10lh,
performed bis first oftlcial act since the 2d
of July, signing a formal requisition for the
extradition of a criminal who somo time
tince took refuge in Canada.
The Memphis cotton crop report for
July bIiows that continued drouth has re-
turdod the growth of tho plant and caused
It to fruit and mature too rapidly. Worms
have appeared in a few localities, but no
damage from this cause is so far reported.
Gen. Grant has bought a large and
very handsome house on the north side of
East Sixty-sixth Street, between Fifth and
Madison Avenues, New York. Tho price
paid was $i.",000. It is understood the
General proposes to make this his futuro
A conference of Civil Service lie
formers was held In New York on the 11th,
of which Georgo Win. Curtis, Carl Scliurz
and Porman It. Eaton were the principal
promoters. Senator Pendleton's bill regu
lating appointments to tho Civil Service was
Hon. 0. II. Bhownino died at his
boine in Quiticy, III., on tho 10th, aged "..
lie was Secretary of the Interior under
President Johnson, and previouslv served in
tho U. S. Senate, being appointed by Gov
Yates to (ill the vacancy caused by the death
of Stcphcu A. Douglas.
The Nebraska Supremo Court has
rendered a decision that the high-license
liquor law is constitutional in every particu
bir. It compels saloon-keepers to pay $1,000
license, give bonds lirthc sum of $8,0)0, etc.,
in cities of over 10,000 people, and in cities
of under 10,000 the license is $.VX).
The Socialists of New York have held
meetings to sympathize with Ilarlmami, the
Nihilist, and to protest against bis extradi
tion. Secretary Maine, in reply to a letter
of inquiry from Kallmann's attorney, says
Hart m uni's surrender has not been demand
ed, and he refuses to say what the State De
partment would do in a hypothetical case
rich as is propouiulod.
Two parties of hostile Indians are
now operating along the lino of the Atlantic
A Pacille Kailroad in New Mexico, and three
companies of infantry from Fort Wingato
have been sent out to protect t lie settlers,
(iarcia's settlement, twelve miles from El
liita Station, has been burned by the Indians
and five men and two boys were killed. Vol
unteers have been dispatched from Albu
querque to guard the railroad line.
Advices from Havana received by
the National Hoard of Kc:illh state that dur
ing July there were iiincty-elglit deaths
from yellow fever, and during the week end
ing August r, tliirly-six deaths from tho
same disease, with 'J'lO caes reported. Dur
ing dune there were 'SX deaths from yellow
fever at Vera Cruz. Yellow fever also pre
vails throughout Colombia, at Guayaquil,
San Jose do Guatemala and at I,a Uhcrtnd
and Salvador, In the tlnee latter places the
deaths averaging twenty daily. Aloni; tho
Hlumis Canal routo an average of live
deal lis has occurred dailv.
The Virginia Republican Stato Con
vention, as was anticipated, resulted In a
clean split between the two factions. Tho
Straiglitouts resolved to stand firmly by I5c
puliliean party principles, chief among which
is declared to be the sanctity of all public,
obligations, and to make no alliance with
repudiators in any form. It was declared
inexpedient, however, lo make any nomina
tions for Stato otlieers. Tho Coalitionists
squarely indorsed tho platform and candi
dates of tho Ueadjusters. .Many of the
Slralghtout ltepublicans, it was said, would
vast their influence, if not their votes, for
the Democratic candidates, In preference to
supporling the Mahono ticket.
Aterkikic storm cloud burst over
Central City, Colo., on the Nth, and Immedi
ately thereafter a volume of water from four
to live feet deep rushed down Nevada and
Eureka s reels, sweeping everything before
it. Great bowlders weighing nearly a ton
were rolled around like pebble-stones. Im
mense quantities of debris were washed
down the gulch at an incredible speed.
Roadways in the track of the flood wcro en
tirely destroyed. A number of small bouses
were washed away, and at least one life was
lost. The damage is estimated at $."(0,000.
Idaho Springs. Virginia Canyon and other
towns similarly situated, suffered severely
from the inundation.
The President underwent another sur-
pleal operation on the morning of tho 8lh,
necessitated by the partial stoppage of the
How of pus from the wound, by reason of the
gradual healing of the original aperture.
Dr. Agnew pel formed the operation as be
fore. The patient was put under the Influ
ence of ether, beside which the rigor line
was used to deaden the spot where the In
cision was made. Tho incision extended
downward and forward, and acoiinternpen
lng w.is ma le into Hie track of the ball be
low the margin of the twelfth rib. fty this
means tlie old wound channel and the re
gion above the battered rib have i. free
chance to heal up, being now entirely sep
arated from the pus chaunel. The Presi
dent bore up well under tho operation, nnd
the phjtielaus expressed themselves wcl!
Mtisiied with the ie-ult.
PERSONAL AND GENERAL.
Archbishop McCahe, of Dublin, in
a pastoral read In all the chapels of tho
archdiocese, warns tho people against se
cret societies, which he designates us "dead
ly enemies against domestic peace and Na
tional prosperity." nis Invective Is said to
be aimed at the Land League.
Dr. Tanner has located at Eric, Fa.
lie now proposes to fast three mouths, If
fed on electricity, the air in bis room to be
charged with a heavy current. This being
positive, bo can obtain a negative element
from tho disintegration of his tissue, lie Is
now fattening for the fast, as plenty of adi
pose is necessary;
William Gale, the English pedes
trian, has completed in New York bis phe
nomenal feat of covering 0,000 quarter miles
In 0,000 conseeulivo ten minulcB, and con
tinued on the truck until ho bad added four
teen additional quarters to his wondeful
record. The fastest quarter was made in two
minutes seven seconds, the slowest in three
minutes twelve seconds.
Gen. Robert Patterson, a hero of
three wars, and at one time the largest cot
ton manufacturer In the United States, diod
recently at his home in Philadelphia.
A terrible railway accident hap
pened in Fngland on the 8th. The express
train from Manchester came in collision
near Blackburn with the Liverpool and
York express. Five persons were killed and
twenty-nine severely Injured, many of whom
were not expected to survive.
The dwelling of Dr. William Bowen,
in Scituate, Mass., burned on the 8th. The
family wero aroused in timo to save their
lives. After the houso burned a tire broke
out In the barn near by, but the flames were
extinguished. Tho tire was caused bv an
infernal machine operated by clock-work.
Dr. Bowen has been very active in enforcing
the law against liquor-selling and has before
suffered in consequence.
Near Oxford, Ala., the other day, Otis
Mattison, bis father and brother were struck
by lightning. The former was instantly
killed and the others probably fatally in
jured. Miss Lena Homan and Mrs. Farber
wero killed by a locomotive at Pleasant
Plains, Staten Island, N. Y. Miss Homan
attempted to drive across tho track, when
the horse balked and the engine struck the
At Lake Village, N. II., the Coroner's
Jury In the case of the three children of
Chas. Moody (colored) who were burned on
the evening of July 4 returned a verdict that
tho children wero murdered and the house
burned to conceal the crime. Moody and bis
wife have beeu arretted.
A. G. YViieelock, confidential book
keeper of tho linn of J. C. Woleott & Co., 42
Broad Street, New York, has absconded
with moncv and securities to tho value of
over $50,000. He was known as being a fast
young man. It is supposed he sailed for
Jcdge James D. Colt, of the Massa
chusetts Supreme Court, was found dead in
hisoflieeat Pitlslleld on the 0th. Suicide
with a revolver.
The boiler of a stcam-thrcshcr on the
Young farm, near Columbia, St. Clair Conn
ty, III. , exploded on the Hth, with most dis
ustrous results, len nu n were working on
or about the machine, six of whom were In
Htnntly killed by the concussion or scalded or
burned to death, and the other four wero so
badly injured tliat there was no possibility
of their recovery. The wheat and straw
stacks took lire and were totally consumed,
and the probability is that somo of tho vic
tims, who were merely stunned, were liter
ally roasted to death. The names of the six
killed arc: Christian Diehl, lessee of tho
farm; Joshua Morgan, Charles Stewart,
Fred Harlhelebcr, Alfred Arnold aud Na
than I'.rown, the last two colored. The four
who survived are Conrad Llnderman, the
engineer; Henry Diehl, son of the lessee;
Grant Hart and George Storm, tho latter
colored. The two former havo since died.
The Coroner's Jury returned a verdict that
the explosion was caused by tho careless
ness of the encineer.
At Lowell, Mass., Edward Donnelly's
child, aged nine months, died from an over
dose of morphine furnished by Geo. Teelc,
drug clerk of only two months' experi
At Madison, Ind., Leonidas Robert
son, a well-t-do farmer, arrayed himself In
his wife's clothes and sun-bonnet and hung
himself. No cause is known for the singu
D. & J. Sadlier, tho well-known
Catholic publishing house of New Yorkjiave
made an assignment .
The reunion of ex-Confederates at
Dallas, Texas, was largely attended.
The residence of J. W. Billings, East
Saginaw, Mich., was destroyed by fire on
thelOth. Fdwln Hillings, 01 years of age,
endeavored to subdue the flames, but was
overcome by smoke, and before help could
reach him his body was burned to a crisp.
His daughter-in-law was also seriously
burned about the head and shoulders.
Parker, a guide in tho Adirondack
region, New York, committed a heinous as
sault upon the wife of a New York mer
chant whom he was conveying to the camp
of some friends. The villain fled, and was
pursued and finally overtaken, but refusing
lo surrender was shot and fatally wounded.
At Lincoln, Neb., Miss Minnio "Wil
liams, daughter of Prof. Williams, of lias
tings, committed suicide by drowning in Salt
Creek. Cause, depression of spirits.
A training-stable ou the nice
course near Lexington, Ky., containing six
teen valuablo horses, burned the other
morning. Mower's Carrie Hanson and
Eagle's gray colt Knox were burned to death,
and the others were greatly Injured by dash
ing madly around the course.
The large woolen-mills in Iowa be
longing to the Amana Society, valued at
$73,000, have been destoyed by tire.
The Parry House, a summer hotel at
P.each Haven, N. J., burned on the night of
the lOth. Two hundred guests lost all their
clothing and effects, and wero compelled lo
go to Camden clad in bathing attire.
Another fatal boiler explosion occur
red on the 9th, ou the farm of Fritz Pol
linger, near Troy, Madison Comity, 111.
Christopher Sehultz, owner of the steam-
thresher, was killed and his body burned.
Two others were badly Injured, but it was
believed not fatally.
Grew, a large village in the Canton
of Grlsons, Switzerland, has been destroyed
A party of ladies riding near Collins
villc, Ala., were caught in a storm and
sought shelter in an old shed, which was
soon demolished. Miss Heard was killed
and Miss Cook crippled by the falling tim
bers. Georoe II. Long, President, and
Charles 11. Howard, Secretary and Treasur
er of tho Allianco Insurance Company, Bos
ton, which has of late been tlosluz up its af
fairs for the alleged reason that its business
bad provcu unprofitable, have been arrested
and held to bail upon a charge of embezzling
the funds of ihe company. Their deficit Is
placed at $110,000.
Crow Doo, who shot and killed Spot
ted Tail, has been confined at Fort Niobrara
to answer tho charge of murder, to which he
Is amenable under "white man's law." The
killing seems to havo been coolly premedi
tated and without any other provocation
than jealousy. Spotted Tail was about
starting for Washington, having been des
ignated as ono of the representatives of the
Six Nations at the coming conference.
E. R. Williams & Brother, a prom
inent Toledo grain firm, have failed for from
$00,000 to $100,000, and gross Irregularities
In their business have been discovered.
Both members of the firm have absconded.
At Benton, Howard County, Mo., a
deadly conflict took placo between one Lang
ford and his wife on one side and Jackson on
the other. Langford attempted to chastise
Jackson for an alleged insult to his wife.
Jackson drew a knlfo and was getting the
better of his assailant, when Mrs. Langford
Interposed with a revolver and shot Jackson
through the breast. Both men were thought
to bo mortally wounded. Mrs. Langford re
ceived a few slight cuts.
Many towns and villages in Western
Prussia have recently suffered much from
Incendiary fires. The fact that the inhabit
ants are Jews leads to the conclusion that
the incendiaries are Jew-haters. Anti-Jewish
disturbances have again broken out In
West Prussia and Pomcrania,
The Atlantic Flouring Mills at St.
Louis wcro entirely destroyed by lire,eaused
by a lightning stroke, on the night of the
12th. The flames burst forth so quickly
following the stroke, and spread so rapidly,
that the men at work on the upper floors, a
dozen or so in number, were completely
hemmed in and were compelled to jump
from tho windows. All wero severely
burned and otherwise injured, and two of
tho unfortunates died during the night. It
was feared that several perished In the
flames. The mills were the largest in St.
Louis, having u capacity of 1,200 barrels a
day. They were owned by the Atlantic
Milling Company, George Bain, President,
and the total valuo of buildings, machinery
and stock was estimated at about $i"sl,0u0.
Insurance from $75,000 to $100,000. The mills
have been three times destroyed by lire.
Considerable surrounding properly was
burned, the most important being the Fu
ture City Oil Works, valued at $23,000.
Benjamin Bird, colored, was hanged
nt Jacksonville, Fla., on the 12tb, for the
murder of Policeman Nelson, also colored,
during a riot in June, 1880.
At Visalia, Cal., Miss Maggie Blaine,
aged 1, was fatally burned while kindling
the tire with kerosene.
The Brotherhood of Carpenters and
Joiners of America have recently held a ses
sion at Chicago.
The widow of ex-President Millard
Fillmore Is dead.
The Governor of South Carolina offer?
a reward of $200 for the arrest of the mur
derer of Deputy U. 8. Collector Brayton.
Friday, Aug. 12, was the hottest day
ever experienced In St. Louis, the Signal
service thermometer registering a maximum
temperature of 100.4.
The steamer Laura Lee, valued at
$30,000, was sunk near Baton Rouge, La.
Dr. JosEru C. Hughes, formerly
Surgeon-General of the Stato of Iowa, died
at Keokuk from blood-poisoning.
LATE NEWS ITEMS.
The Cattle Commissioners selected
by the Secretary of the Treasury have decid
ed to make a searching Investigation at the
chief Western centers to make sure that the
live stock at those points is free from infec
tion. Maximo Jarez, the Minister from
Nicaragua to the United States, died of
apoplexy at Washington.
Thomas A. Crandall, a prominent
Colorado stock dealer, fell from the top of a
cattle train nt St. Joseph, Mo., on the loth,
and was run over and killed.
The Southern Facific Railroad is now
being laid at the rate of one mile per day he
yond El Paso, and President Crocker pre-
diets that the line will, by July next, be fin
ished to Galveston. He says engineers are
now running a survey from Corinne to
Yankton, and a road can bo built for one
third the cost of the Union Pacific, which
will be done if Gould consolidates tho Atch
Ison, Texas Pacilic and Union Pacific lines
Mr. and Mrs. Jefferson Davis have
rone to Europe.
An express tram on the Grand Iruuk
Railway was thrown from the track near
Prcscott, Ont . , on the 13th, caused by tha
locomotive striking a cow. The locomotiva
and tender mid express-car were overturned
and completely demolished, and four passen
irer coaches were derailed. The engineer
stuck to his locomotive aud met a most hor
rible death. The fireman was pitched off by
the concussion and badly injured. Two ex
press messengers and a baggagcniastcr were
buried beneath the debris of their car and
rescued in an almost dying condition. Nine
passengers were injured, six of them seri
ously. An emigrant train ran into a wash
out near Las Vega, N. M., on the night of
the 12th, killing engineer Townsend and fire
E. M. Marks, of Rome, Ga., and C.
M. Creswell, of Mebanesville, N. C, stud
ents at Eastman's College, Pougbkeepsie,
N. Y., while boating on the Hudson Itiver
were run down by a steamer and both were
By the sudden falling of an old build
ing in one of the most frequented quarters
of Vienna, on the l.'lth, twenty persons were
killed and thirty injuned.
Charles Boynton, a mill hand at
Portland, Me., attempted to kill his wife,
who bad left him and gone to her mother's
at Bar Mills. He fired at her with a revolver
but missed, and she saved her life by jump
ing from a second story w indow. His wife's
sister, Mrs. Watcrhouse, then entered the
room, when he tired two shots at her, one of
which entered her breast Inflicting a prob
ably fatal wound. Boynton then shot him
self through the pit of the stomach, expir
A New Swindle.
This city seems to bo tho headquarters of
a number of scoundrels engaged In swind
ling tho unsuspecting and covetous Grang
ers throughout the State. They deal mot
ly In patent-right frauds of various kinds,
from pitchforks to machines of more value
on the farm. The farmers hava often been
warned against these gonlrr by tho -press,
but they readily change their tactic and as
sume all sorts of protean forms for entrap-'
ping tho unwary, aud scarcely a day passes
that some countryman U not made a vic
tim of tho wicked wiles of the ubiquitous
scampj. The latest heard of is a gang who
go ubout selling an nllcged seeding-machine,
and theso have victimized a number
of people. The Enquirer, reporter has been
shown a copy of an cxeceJingly Ingenious
document whinh these fellows use in their
operations, and by means of which they
have caught mortj than ono who thought
himself entirely toa smart to bo duped by
any city shaip. TLe reader Is hereby pre
sented with a facsimile of tho " contract "
drawn by these patent seeding-machine fel
lows, which they induce farmers to sign,
and which shortly afterward turns up as a
plain note of hand In tho possession of
some paper-shaver In his neighborhood who
has purchased the same of tho swindlers.
It is as follows:
The swindlers go lo a well-to-do farmer
and tell him he has been recoininende 1 as a
good nun to sell their machines, and ask
him to become their agent. Ho is per.Miad
ed that they sell rapidl y, and that be can
make a large per cent, profit. He is told
that be will no!, l3 expected to risk any
money or pay anything until ho has sold
$:J23 worth of the machines. He U i'lduecd
tosijrntlio contract above given, which, it
will be seen, sets forth this agreement when
lead straight across. It looks fair and inno
cent enough, and soon the fanner puts hU
nam:! :i the b'ank space J i.it before the
words ''Sole Ae il for Company.
Afterwanh the scatniis easily change the
document from a conduct to sjII int a
promissory note by tearing off that part to
the ri'lit of tlx line drawn through the
agre.m.iiit as printed. In tho original pre
sented to tho fanners of course no line tip
pears; and it is given hero simply to show
where the division takes place, and the sep
aration at which point so radically changes
the nature of tho document. It will be
seen at a glance that this Is liable to de
ceive any one w ith mt c!oc inspection, and
a number of Indi.ma fanners have been
cheated with them this summer. The la
heard of Ihe gang they were operating ex
tensively in Bartholomew County. After
the fanners' note get into the hands of
"innoe m purchaser tliero hno reeuirsc
but to piy them off, as they cannot well go
back on the signatures. tr.'i mapolli Uor.
Cincinnati Ent Hirer.
William Sloncsircct, a twelve -year-old
son of Mr. James stoncstreet, had a narrow
escape from a sudden and terrible deatli
yeTday. The boy says ho was throwing
a base-ball, when thehall lodged in the gut
ter at the top of the house. He immediate
ly started up to get it, going out on tho roof
through a hatchway. The houso has three
stories and an attic; tho roof is rather
stsep, and as Ihe boy slowly edged over
toward the gutter ho felt a sinking at the
heart. His littlo sister was standing in the
yard eyeing her brother and calling out to
him every instant to comedown. He made
some boatful answer and continued his
dangerous journey. Ho reached the edge of
the roof, caught a firm hold of somo pro
jecting shingles, nnd, leaning over, seized
the ball. Before ho could arle from his
stooping position he felt tho shingles to
which be was clinging giving way with him.
He clutched tin m nervously and began to
draw himself up slowly. Suddenly the
shingles gave way, and in an Instant tho boy
seemed to be hurrying to instant dcuth.
The pavement was fully thirty feet below,
and there seemed nothing to prevent ids be
ing dashed to pieces on the I ricks. Just as
he was rolling over the gutter he involun
tarily seized hold of it and clung there
desperately. The gutter was su ordinary tin
affair, not. very strong; noT was it bound to
the roof very tightly. The sudden weight
of the boy made the tin sag down, and a few
of the fastenings gave way, leaving the boy
banging down the abvss, wiih only a broken,
rotten piece of tin between him and eterni-.
ty. William was now thoroughly aroused
to his danger uud cried out for help. His
sister ran into the house, and happeuing to
find a colored man there told him of her
brother's danger. The man ran out and
getting a long ladder which was lying in tho
yard put It up against the side of the house.
The boy was now almost exhausted. The
perspiration was running down his face in
streams. His eyes were dilated with terror
and exhaustion, and It seemed impossible
for him to bold on till the assistance came.
The colored man ran up tho !adder nimbly.
Scarcely had he reached the top when the
boy, who could hold on no longer, dropped
into his arms. 1 he colored man took him
down, and when the boy reached the ground
l.e fainted. Ho was taken Into the house
and physicians were summoned. Last night
he was still insensible, and It Is not known
bow serious bis nervous lnJuricD may prova
Lo'i'$-:i!'.t (iV) Vimrufreial
-1 o. p
. 2 o
p o p- n
-, J " M
-1 2 2 o. '
S - B S
E 2 b i ?
5 P- 5, "
I R 3 3
" ? 5- ?
r -t H o o
n 2 '
S S 5 :
5 ? :
-3 2 2
3 " 3
5 2 t
-i m S
ii 2. o O
: a I
j a 1
5 - '
a Z 2.
PITH ASD rOIXT.
The giraffe is not a largo cater. A
littlo goes a great way with him. Yaw
When a dog howls at night it is tho
sign of death. It is if we can get at
him. Boston Post.
" (!o to the ant, thou sluggard," is
all very woll ; but if tho sluggard will go
to a picnic, tho ant will come to him.
Political science The art of obtain
ing oflice. Political economy Getting
elected on promises without whacking
up onco. N. O. Picayune.
Two thousand doctors propose to
meet together and discuss medical sub
jects. Tho benefits that will result from
this can not bo estimated. Vv hilo the
doctors are in convention everybody will
get well. Boston Globe.
Clams aro now made of India rub
ber, and painted so artistically that they
can not be told from thegenuine article.
For making clam chowder a few dozen
of them will last a restaurant a lifetime.
A man need not flatter himself on
everything about his house being as reg
ular as clockwork, simply because he
buys everything on tick. Lnlike a clock,
he will run down when his affairs are
wound up. Boston Transcript.
Pa," quoth Sammio to his sire,
'why don't you go out West?" "Why
do you ask, rav boy?" "Becauso Bill
Iligglns1 father went," and he struck a
banana!" "A bonanza, you mean, Sam
mie!" "Well, what's the difference?"
"Why, when people strike a bonanza it
sets them up, and when they strike a
banana it sets them down nnd very
emphatically, too." Yonkers Gazelle.
An Austin man, whoso name we
suppress, Is closer than the bark on a
tree. He walks home to dinner through
tho hot sun and dust every day, not
withstanding he lives right on the line
of the street-cars. "Look here," said
Gilhooly, "you would havo twice as much
appetite if you rode home in tho cars."
"That's just why 1 walk. It's so hot
and dusty that I can't oat a bite after
I've walked home. I save both dinner
nnd car-faro. If I was to ride home I'd
eat myself into the poor-house in loss
than a year, I am such, a hog." Texas
GcUlnir a AVIfe for tho Parson.
Aleck Williamson, a good-natured,
practical farmer, is widely known about
Williamsport, Pa. Ho is very fond of a
Among his neighbors was an attract
ive young widow whom he thought he
ought to show some interest in, he being
firmly of the opinion that a widow of
the qualities of this ono was qualified to
make some man's life happy.
Meeting an acquaintance who was a
widower and a preacher, he accosted
Parson, by Halifax, do you know
what I think you waut? You want a
"Pshaw," laughingly responded the
reverend ; "I don't want a wife, Mr. Wil
liamson." "Yes, you do, though," insisted the
other. "You want a woman to look af
ter your houso and relieve you from the
dismal life of a widower."
" Granting that all you say is true,
Mr. Williamson, how am I to get a
wifeP 1 don't know anyone whom I
oould get to marry me."
"ByHalifax ! " was the ready response,
"you needn't let that little matter bother
you ; there's Widow Blank, she would
marry you without any delay."
"Well, suppose you ask her," ob
served the lonesome shepherd.
" By Halifax, I'll do it," declared the
volunteor matrimonial negotiator, as he
passed on his way.
When ho reached home and notified
his estimable and practical wifo of tho
delicate mission he was about t under
take, that lady promptly notified him
not to "make a fool of hinnclf. He,
however, was not tho man to abartdon
such an undertaking before finishing it,
and he lost no timo in seeking tjio widow
and propounding the direct inquiry,
"Mrs. , will you marry Preacher
The blushing widow answered, "Why,
Aleck, he wouldn't want to marry me."
" By Halifax, Imt he does, though,"
said Aleck, " and ho sent mo to ask you
if you'll have him."
"Of courso I will," readily exclaimed
This answer was quickly borne to the
preacher, who thereupon commissioned
Aleck to ask the widow how soon she
could bo ready.
The obliging widow informed the am
bassador that she could bo ready at
onco, and an early time was designated
for tho ceremony, a full report of the ar
rangements being submitted to the
This gentleman was satisfied with the
programme, and named a certain Just ice
whom he wished to havo the ceremony
This suggestion was vetoed, however,
by Aleck, who insisted upon engaging a
newly commissioned German Justico,
who "had never officiated in such a ca
pacity. Tho reverend victim accepted the
amendment without making an appeal
or calling the yeas and nays, and tho
Teutonic official was secured for tho all
With a conscientious desire to faith
fully perform all the duties devolving
upon him by virtue of his oflico, he
squared himself to tho task. At tho very
outset, however, he was hopelessly
wrecked upon the intricate forms in such
made and provided.
Luckily for the perplexed magistrate,
the groom happened to be a gentleman
of professional as well as personal expe
rience in the performanco of tho mar
riage rites, and he kindly instructed the
official, who was thus enabled to com
plete the job.
The whole proceeding was hugely en
joyed by Aleck, who made heroic efforts
to avoid showing how immensely ticnied
I'pon being informed by tho Parson,
a day or two after the wedding, that he
was nighly pleased with the result, Aleck
felt the happiness which always follows
the performance of a benevolent action,
and exclaimed, with one of his benign
chuckles: "ByHalifax, I knew you'd
be satisfied. Aleck always knows what
he's about, Parson. Goo'd day."
Our Young Folks.
. A BABY SUOr.
A dro'l conversation I nueo overheard
Two children, a cat, a co.v unit a bird.
The names of lliu chl di-en wj.o Eddy aud
The nanioj of tho otherj I did not bnarploln.
How came 1 to hear theui)1 1 think t won't
Von may irticss, If you please: and If you
You'll if iioss tlnit 1 hoard it nsinnnyn man
With his fancy alonn, and not with his ears.
The children wcr ..'drawing, with caution and
Their sweet lmby-slter, to Rive her tho nir,
lu a dainty straw wagon with wheeli of
And a tup of white muslin which shaded her
Sho whs only ono year and a l ew months old;
llorevoi wero bright blue and her hair was
She laughed all tho time from morning till
Till I'M Iv nnd Jano woro oulto wild with
fr'uoh a wonderful plaything nsver was
Mko a r.'iil livo dolly, uml nil for tholr owtil
Two happier children could nowhere bo
No, not If you tr.ivolol tho whole world
Thoyhad drawn her til's morning whoro
(la sli-8 grew
White diiis.es, all shining and dripping with
Long wreaths of tho d ilsies, nnd chains, they
In the tmby's lap theso wreaths they had
And wero laughing to watch bor fat littlo
Untw.sti'ig nn.l twisting tho steins and tho
Just then, i.f a sudden, a lark t!cw by
And sang at tho top of his votco In tho sky.
"Hoi ho! Mr. Lark,'' shouted Jane, "come
We're not cruel children. You may onio
We've something to show you. In all your
life may bo
You'll never see anything 6woet os our
'Twas an odd thing, row, for n lark to do
1 hot o you won't think my story's u itrno
lint t ii in is tho thing that I saw uml heard:
That larlc Hew right down, like u sociable
As soon iih they called him, nnd perched ou
Aud winiioil with his eyo nt the children
Anil laughed out, us much as n bird ever can.
As nc cHod, "Ha! ha! Little woman nnd
" Voii'll bo quite surprised and astonished,
To hoar that I do not think muc'.i of your
Why, out In the Held hero l'vo got in my
All cuddled up snug 'neath my wife's warm
Four littlo bablei two sistorn, two brothers-Anil
all with bright eyes, in bright as their
Your baby a at least ten times older than
Hut Ihcy uro already to lly to-day;
" Thoy'll tnko caro of themselves In an :thor
Ili-fore your poor baby can wulk or speak,
li has often surpr.sed mo to soo what poor
All baliicB nre lhat are born without wings;
And but one at timo! Dear mo, my wilo
Would bo quite ashamed of so idle a llful"
And tho lurk looked us scornful us a lark
As bo swung up mil down on a slender
A cat hnd b-en eyeing him there for uwhllo,
Andsp Hiignt him now from top of a stile;
Hut she missed her iiim--uu w::s qui o loo
Ami oh, how he laughed as h'? soare 1 In the
Then tho e :t scrambled up, disappointed
Hhe looked all about her, and felt at a loss
What next sho should do. to sho took up
Of tho lark's discourse, sutd lll-naturodly
" Yes, Indeed, little master an 1 miss, I de
clare. It's enough to nmko any mo! her-ent stnro
To see what u time you do make, lo be suro,
Over ono small creature, bo helpless and
As your liable? nre; Why, l'vo six of my
When they wero two weeks old they could
Thoy'ro never afraid of dogs or of rais
in a few weeks more they 11 bo full-grown
" Their fur Is as fine nnd ns soft ns silk
'two gray uml three black, uml one white us
A fair light for a mouse In my family
Is as pretty a sight ns you'll oversee.
It is all very woll to brar of yo ir baby
One of theso years it will bo Bomethlng, may
And without even lno'in?atthe baby's face,
Tho cat walked away at a sleepy pace.
" Moo, Moo!" said a cow, coming up. " Moo,
Young people, you're making a great to-di
About you baity. And the lark and the cat,
They ro no h-ng but brag-tois 1 wouldn't
(And tho cow snapped her tail ns you'd simp
"Tor nil tbo babies, nnd kittens, and birds,
In tho course of n year! It does hiako me
To look at them all by tho side of a calf!
" hy, my littlo Hrlndle ns soon ns 'twas born
Stood up on Its legs and Riiill'nd at the corn;
IR-loro it mm neeu in mo world an Hour
It began to gambol, anil c.mter, and -cour
All over tho Holds. !Sco its great shining
And Its comely red hair that so glossy lies,
And thick 1 he has never felt oold in his lil'o;
But th' wind cuts your baby's skin like a
'Poor shivering thingsl I havo (Hied them
All mullled and smothered in flannel soft.
Hal ha! 1 am sum tho stupidest nany
(Jnn see that a calf's ahead of u babyl"
And tho eow culled Ikt calf, und tossed up
l.lko a pcrs n oulto suro of nit she has said.
'Jhcu .lane looked at Mddy, inul tidily at
Said Kddy: "How mean: I declare they're
"To livo vrepostorous tilings' They don't
What they're talking about! I'd like them
A bird, or n kitten, or a learned calf,
That can kis 1 ko our baby, or sinllo, or
" Yes, Indeed, so should 1"' said Jane, in a
"The poor littlo thins: Sho's advanced for
For tho minister said s i tho other day
She's worth a bun I red kittens or c.ilves to
"And ns for young birds they're pitiful
I saw n wholo nost once, nil moU!h9 und bare
And they looked as If they'd been picked by
To broil for breakfast. I'm sure that they
With cold If their mother got off for a
I'm glad we havo tlaunel, nnd wrap babies
So the children went grumbling ono to tho
And when they reached home they told their
The dear baby, ns'.oru in its crib she laid.
Ami laughed us she kissed the children, und
'lo you think I tMl'cvo that tho sun can
On a N'v or a girl hulf so sweet n mine?
The lurk, and the cal, uud the cow were all
Each buby seems best in its own mother's
THE BOLLS' TICMC.
There was a picnic in Farmer Blake's
attic. Tho farmer and h'S wife had
gone to the village, and left little Dick
and Faun v to t..kc rare of Babv. Ben.
So tho children thought they would
havo a picnic. It was Doll Dink's birth
day. Doll Dinks was a black baby, six
months old. nnd ho squeakod. lie had
a birthday twice a month. Doll Midget
had blue eyes and yellow curls. Sho
was invited to the picnic. Dick got a
great milk-pan and tilled it full of water.
This was lioston Hay. The dolls were
first to bo taken out to 6ail, and then
they wcro to havo lunch. Tho lunch
was a largo pieco of spice cako and two
jam tarts, l'udgo, tho fat kitten, was
invited to the picnic, too. To begin
with, they put her on ft small table,
close to Uoslou Hay, so that sho could
look on. There wus not room in tho
boat for three of them.
'J ho lunch was laid by in an old wood
box. As soon as tlio boat was ready,
Doll Dinks and Doll Midget .went ou
board. Tho boat was ono of Grandpa
Blako's old slippors. Thou tlioy set
sail. Dick mado tho wind blow with
the hollows, and Fanny puffed out hot'
rosy cheeks with all her might. But
tho trouble was that Baby Ben wanted
to help with a lire shovel. So tho chil
dren told him he had better bo the lairy
godmother. 'Ihe fairy godmother al
ways hid in the wood-box, and popped
out at just tlio right moment. Baby
Ben thought ho liked best to blow tho
boat with tho lire shovel. But Fanny
promised to give him a bite of hcrsharo
of tho c ike.
This consoled Bon, und they mado a
pla o for him in the wood-box. There
lie ko:t so very still that tho children
thought ho must litivo gone to sleep.
All at onco a loud splash was heard.
A fearful storm arose in Boston Bay.
and tho boat was upset. It was all
that fat kitten Pudgo, who had tumbled
from the table into tho milk-pan.
What an uproar! 1 ho colls had no
life-preservers, but Dick nnd 'Fanny
bravely dragged them Tom tho waters.
As for Pudge, tlio children saw tho end
of her tail going down stairs, with a
stream liko a small Charles Itiver drip
ping oir behind. Doll Dinks, being
hollow, could iloat, aud ho squeaked as
loud as ever when he was pullod out.
But, after all. poor Doll Midget was
drowned. Her nice, clean clothes wero
soaked, and her lovely hair all canio
out of curl.
"Now." said Fanny, "we must take
Doll Midget to the kitchen fire and
dry her, or she never will bo lit to
to'ino to the picnic."
"Oh no!" replied Dick. "Sho'n
drowned. Mie's dead as a - as a hair
pin. But l'vo heard Uncle John tell
that they roll drowned folks on a bar
rel, and then blow cm up. lhat nis
ticakus'em." (Uncle John said resuscitate, but this
was too bouncing a word for littlo
' Rustic-tikes 'em?" asked Fanny.
"Yes, that's what Uuelo John called
it. Let's rusttcako Doll Midget that
way. Hold on till 1 get a barrel!" But
all he could find was a largo spool.
Then niter Doll Midget's dress was
taken off, she was rolled- Dick rolled
her so hard that her sides split open.
Next ho put the nose of tho bellows be
tween her ribs, for ho said that her
mouth was not big enough. Then ho
blew just as hard as ho could. Tho
first thing Fanny knew, a pud of Saw
dust flew out of Doll Midget's side into
horcyes. She threw her apron ovor
her head and began to cry. Dick kept
shouting, "She's ruslicaked! She's
rustieaked!" But poor Fanny only
cried tho harder. So Dick proposed to
wake up the fairy godmother, and cat
the picnic. At this Fanny dried her
eyes. They crept up softly to tho
W'ood-box. There lay Babv Ben fast
asleep, sure enough. Thoro wero
crumbs of spico cako and jam tart on
his frock, nnd a bit of jam on tho end
of his nose. Tho lunch was all gono.
"Oh, you rogue!" criod Fanny.
Ben opened nis blue eyes and looked
so cunning that both the children
laughed and forgave him at once. Then
they agreed to put off the rest of the
picnic till Hie next day. Youth's Com
panion. That Terrible Small Boy.
It was Sunday evening. Angelica
had invited her "best young man to
tho evening meal. Everything had
passed oil' harmoniously until Angelica's
scvon-yoar-old brother broke tho bliss
ful silence by exclaiming, "Oh, ma!
yer oughtcr seen Mr. Lighted tho oilier
night, when ho called to taKo Angio lo
the drill; ho looked so nice sittin'
'long-sido of her with li s arm"
tred" screamed tho maiden, whoso
faco began to assumo the color of a
well-done crab quickly placing her
hand over tho boy's mouth. " Yer
oughtcr seen him," continued tho pcr
sistont informant nfter gaining his
breath, and the embarrassod girl's
hand was removed; "he had his arm"
"Freddie," shouted tho mother, ns in
her frantic attempts to reach tho boy'3
auricular appendage she upset tho con
tents of tho teapot in Mr. Lighted'
lap, making numerous Russian war
maps over his new lavender pantaloon;.
"I was justgoin' to say, tho hall
frightened bov pleaded, between a cry
and an injured whine, "ho hnd hhi
iirill" "You boy!" thundered the
father, " away to tho woodshed." And
tho boy mado for tho nearest exit, cr
claiming as ho waltzed, "I was only
going to say Mr. Lighted had his army
clothes on, and I leave it to him if Im
didn't." And the boy was permitted
to return, and tho remainder of tho
meal was spent in explanations Irom
the family in regard to the numbor of
times Freddie had to bo "talked to"
for using his lingers for a ladle.
Tho Examiner and Chronicle say
a cup of water in tho oven whilo bak
ing will prevent bre id and cakes from
burning. Thanks for tho Information.
And a ten year-old loy, loose iu tlio
cellar, will prevent apples from spoil
ing. About ono boy lo four barrels of
apples, doctor. Burlington llawkeyu.
Lightning struck a piue tree at the
head oi Colvin's Creek, N. C, and kin
dled a tiro that swept 7,000 acres ol
land, destroy ing timber, crops and tur
pentine. A Massachusetts man has resorted
to Paris green to keep juvenile thieve
from stealing his llowers.