Newspaper Page Text
I- GREENVILLE, KY., THURSDAY, FEBY. 16, 1899. 50c. PER YEAR, IN ADVANCI -f
TWO OF A KIND. I CHURCH AND CLERGY. I n.. DillinnV ftnfinitinnr I Mark TWilili's LcttCI. i FUNNYORAPH8. I j9 y'
Tlterc wns n young follow niuncil TnU
Who tlluort with hUitlrl nt 8.IH;
Hut lwv Tnte Old not Mali-,
I rniiiiot relate
What Tate, at Ills ti-tu-ii-ttto, ate ut 8.U.
A tutor who tooted the unto,
Trlnl to tetu'h tnoyouns tixitur to toot;
Snltl the two to Uu. tutor, "
"Ik It hutilur to toot or
To tutor two looters to toot"
L. A. W. llullctln.
Southern Trade Progress.
The more important of the new
industries reported by the Trades-
,. man. Chattanooga, for the week
ending Feb. 4 include a $15,000
chair factor in Arkansas; a $25,000
coal mining investment in eastern
Kentucky; a construction company,
to build iron bridges, etc., in Ala-
bama; a cotton compress in Georgia;
: a s 100,000 cotton mill in Louisiana;
a cotton seed oil mill and fertilizer
works in North Carolina; an electric
light plant in Alabama; a grain ele-
vator in West Virginia; an $8,000
, flouring mill in Kentucky; a fifty
barrel mill in South Carolina, and
three in Texas two of fifty barrels
and 100 barrels' capacity ;a foundry
and machine shop in Louisiana; a
fifty ton ice factory and a $20,000
ice and cold storage company in
Arkansas, and one each in Mississ-
and westTennesse;a knitting mill
lumber company in North Car-
oliniL-'a $100,000 naval stores com
pany in Florida; an oil company in
West Virginia; a $25,000 pulp and
paper mill in Florida; a $10,000 rice
milllin Louisiana, and two saw mills,
vonefof 75,000 feetdaily capacity, in
the j same State; a shingle mill in
Georgia; a stave factory in west Tenn
essee; a telephone company in Flori
: da, and two in West Virginia, and
a woolen mill in the latter Stale.
" We have just received an envoice
of Acorn stoves and Ranges. Call
'and see them. Roakk.
K Half Way to Europe in Pull.
(uleringplan rYast.tr .ns-
i atlantic service via Newfoundland,
enabling Americans to journey half
way to Ireland by Pullman car, is a
suggestive piece of news. Most
persons, indeed, will be startled at
the thought that it is really possible
to travel by land, with, two insignifi
cant breaks, to a point 1,500 miles
on the way to Kurope.
It is proposed to make Green
Bay, N. F., the terminal point for a
line of fast steamships, which would
leave only 1,500 miles to run before
reaching the west coast of Ireland.
It needs little labor to complete a
route by which the man from Mon
' treal, or the man from Chicago, or
the man from New Vork may be
whisked to Green Hay on a Pullman
car without changing. Fifty miles
of a railway must be constructed to
connect Green Bay with the Reid
railway system, and two car ferries
must be established one from Point
au Basque to Cape Breton, and the
other across the Strait of Canso.
One's first impulse in contemplat
ing this proposal is to ask: "Why
has such a simple thing never yet been
accomplished?" And the answer is
sufficiently obvious. It is: "Be
cause Canada and Newfoundland are
not parts of the United Stctcs, but
the possessions of an alien power."
If destiny were not sometimes so
deliberate in its movements-if every
part of this continent had been United
all these years under the Stars ami
Stripes the Newfoundland route,
placing America within three days of
Europe, would now be a common
place. New Vork Jolirnal.
ic. a week for Tin: Record.
A Tale With a Moral.
Once upon a time a tramp was
. sorely in need f something to cat
and approaching a farmhouse he
spake unto the farmer, saying:44 If
you will give me the wherewith to
satisfy the cravings of the inner man,
I will kill all the rats about the
place." "Agreed," said the tiller
of the soil, and he ordered his good
wife to give the tramp a square
meal. After the tramp had devour
ed everything in sight he went to the
wood-pile and selected a stout club,
then seating himself on the porch
he said to the farmer: "Now bring
on your rats."
Moral Always have the details
specified in the contract. Chicago
The Kpworth league has a mem
bership of 1,800,000.
The woman's branch of the New
Vork City Missions raised over $27-
000, last year for their work.
Fully one-fourth of the 25,000
German Baptists, says a Canadian
pniicr, are said to be converts from
Mr. Moody on his way to Plue
nix, Ariz.., held a public service at
Albuquerque. Protestants ami Cath
olics alike crowded to hear him.
The New Vork Observer states
that the chief stimulus of hatred to
ward the Jews in France is the wide
spread distrust of them by the Cath
Bishop Potter of New Vork, though
a skillful horseman, prefers, when
in the citv, to ride in a street car
rather than to drive. He is, how
ever, a great walker.
One hundred and fifty churches
in Pittsburg, representing twelve de
nominations, have associated them
selves in a federation for united ag
gressive work among the foreign
population and non-church goers.
Several new Christian Science
churches have been organized in the
immediate vicinity of Hoston. A
new church was recently organized in
Roxbury with a membership of
200, ami still, it is said, the "moth
er cnurcn" in .orway street is
crowded to its utmost capacity.
The most costly book in the Roy
al Library at Stockholm is a bible.
It is said that 160 asses' skins were
used for its parchment leaves. Kach
page is only one inch short of a
yard in length and twenty inches
wide. The covers are solid planks
four inches thick.
When the late Henry Drummond
was asked by Evangelist Moody to
come to this country to conduct re
ligious meetings he was dissuaded
by this advice from a friend: "Per
haps you may have a few years of
' Contentment is a kind of moral
laziness: if there weren't anything
but contentment in this world, man
wouldn't be anv more of a success
than an angleworm is.
Silence is a still noise,
llashfulness is ignorance afraid.
Sarcasm is an undertaken!! tears
Conscience is our private secretary
Poverty is the step-mother of geni
Economy is a first mortgage of
An aristocrat is a democrat with
his pockets filled.
Fastidiousness is merely the ignor
ance of propriety.
Holiest men are scarce, and arc
going to be scarcer.
Prudery is nothing more than co
quetry gone to seed.
Pleasure is like a hornet general
ly ends with a sting.
Hope is a hen that lays more eggs
than she can hatch.
Success is a coquette, and a bash
ful lover never wins her.
Gallantry may possibly be defined
as the politeness of flattery.
Flattery is like Cologne water to
be smelt of. not swallowed.
Bliss is happiness boiling over and
running down both sides of the pot.
The clam is a bulbous plant and
resides on the under side of the wat
Conceited people are like eggs
too full of themselves to hold any
The cross man goes through life
like a sore headed dog followed by
Laughing is the sensation of feeling
good all over and showing it in one
A 'gentleman about town" is one
who pays for everything except his
ejim and UesMnjlhe,. jjmsjj a ath J
follow carelessness, no1,OTyriioic u fiIes. JfftfftB
spiritual fruits, probably a sad col
The Southern Baptists have in
the past done an immense work in
Cuba. They bought a theater for
$60,000 and transformed it into a
church which seated 1,200. Dr.
Albert Diaz was the founder of this
work, and though it has been sadly
crippled by the late war, great re
sults have followed it in Havana,
where, it is stated, he baptized with
his own hands more than 3,000 con
verts to Chnstianitv. iianisncU
from Cuba, he has recently returned
and resumed his work.
J. R. Morgan, South Carrollton,
wants your chickens, butter, eggs
and all other marketable produce at
No Century Begins on Sun
There are some curious facts about
our calendar. No century can be
gin on Wednesday, Friday or Sun-
lay. The same calendar can be used
every 20 years, uctoucr always oc
gins on the same day of the week as
January; April as July; September as
December. February, March and
November begin on the same days.
May, June and August always begin
on different days from each other
and every other month in the year.
The first and last days of the year
are always the same. These rules
do not apply to leap-year, when
comparison is made between days
before and after February 29.
Chicago Evening Lamp.
Sample copies of Tin: Rkcoko
may be obtained on application to
"Didn't you stcal.thathog?" asked
the rural justice in Georgia. "Well,
suh, Mister Jedge, I mus' admit dat
I out run him!" "Well, suh, he did
run 'gainst de butt of the ax, en got
his death!" "And you ate him, of
course!" "Well, Jedge, hit was this
away: De weather wuz mighty hot,
en atter he wuz dead hit look lak a
pity ter let him spile, so I des salted
him down and smoked him, ende fire
wuz so hot dat fo' 1 could tu'n 'round
he wuz cooked one; en secin' him
in dat fix, dar wuz nuttin' to do but
ter cat him up! Hit wuz all done in
self-defense, Jedge all in self
defense!" Atlanta Constitution.
rid of them.
Marriage is an altar on which man
lays his pocketbook and woman her
Honesty is like moncyj you have got
to work hard to get it, and then work
harder to keep it.
Genuine praise consists in naming
a man's faults to his face and his
good qualities to his back.
Anxiety is milking a kicking heif
er with one hand and holding her
tail with the other.
Incredulity is the wisdom of a fool;
it is only a wise man who can afford
to be credulous.
Envy is an insult to a man's good
sense, for envy is the pain we feel at
the excellencies of others.
The positive man bets his last dol
lar on a card and loses, and then
tells vou he knew he shouldn't win.
Envy is the disease original with
Cain, but which his brother Abel
caught, and died suddenly of.
The monkey is a human being a
little undersized, covered with hair,
hitched to a tail, and filled with the
Curiosity is the germ of all enter
prise mmi tug tor wooticnucKs more
for curiosity than they do for wood-chucks.
The interviewer is a human ostrich,
feeding on anything he can find, and
digesting easily anything he can
Fortune is the aggregate of possi
bilities a goddess whom cowards
court by stealth, but whom brave men
take by storm.
Kiss The only way to define a kiss
is to take one and then sit down, all
alone out of the draught, and smack
Friendship is like earthenware
if it is broken it can be mended; but
love is like a mirror once broken,
that ends it.
Adversity is a poultice which re
duces our vanity and strengthens our
virtue even a boy never feels half
so good as when he has just been
spanked and set away to cool.
Sec the new Standard drop-head
sewing machine on display at Roark's
furniture store. It is the best sew
ing machine made, is a neat piece
of furniture, and is sold at the right
Mark Twain's Letter.
This pleasing story atfout our fa
mous humorist is going t the rounds
of the press: Some yeajrs, ago Mark
Twain appeared at the djpnsulate of
the I nited States at rrnmtfort, Ger
many, and found Ci;t.rn Mason,
the consul-general, ja king up his
books, papers and all l his, personal
"What's up?" he ask.jd.
."My time is up," rHirifed Mason
cheerfully. "We havsilj)eniocrat
ic President, and as ," alii; a Repub
lican I have to get ot . ?and give my
place to a good Demi rat, soon to
be appointed to this ' it."
4 'That's a blessed ijhapie," ex
claimed Mr. Clemens' id he start
ed for the hotel, whT twrotc this
letter to Ruth CleveV ithen only
about a year old: !sL
"My DiiAU Ruth' belong to
the Mugwumps, and one rjf the most'
sacretl rules of our order prevents.
us from asking favors for iifticials or
recommending men t bfticc, but
there is no harm in writing 51 friend
ly letter to you and tclliiyou that
an infernal outrage is,aj3butto be
committed by your fathemn turning
out of office the best cofyil I know
(and I know a great manaL just-be
cause he is a Republican,rnd a Dem
ocrat wants his place." jlfe
And Mr. Clemens rclatsT what he
knew of Captain Masonfand his offi
cial record, and continue:
"I can't send any nies.-,gc to the
President, but the ne. rime you
have a talk with him ctii'crruingsucli
matters. 1 wish you would tell him
about Captain Mason and what I
think of a Goverment thatfSo treats
its efficient officials." B:
Three or four wcekurtcr Mr.
Clemens received a little envelope,
postmarked Washingto n u which
was a note, ' written in Mr. 'Cleve
land's own hand, that lojfu
Miss Ruth Cleveland Kyslto ac-
knowledge the receipt (ttjtMr.l;wain,s
letter, and, to say thatjKNjie
liberty of reading frSl -
say to himThatt Cautaim onMsvill
not be disturbed inThc iErankfort
consulate. The Pros'ulwaalso de
sires Miss Cleveland toipy that if
Mr. Twain knows of another cases
of this kind he will bf greatly oblig
ed if he will write himJsoncerning
them at his earliest convenience."
This is a county newspaper, and
wants the county newsrbm every
section. A good correspondent is
wanted in each community, and
will be secured to report! regularly.
Hut any one who hasin. item of
interest will greatly aid-Aisby telling
us about it, and the fayi)r will be
In her agony the miserable wom
an sent her hated rival by post a
can of corned beef containing arse
nic. The latter, being passionately
fond of food, partook of the beef.
Thereupon her complexion was
much beautified. Here, again, we
have villainy confounded by what
some people are pleased to term
fortuitous circumstances. Detroit
"I was elected bv the votes of
eight different nationalities,"
declared an East Side Alderman
as he tucked his thumbs in the arm
holes of his vest and struck an atti
tude. "That so? What were they?"
"Irish, German, Polish, English,
Italian, French,, and Greek."
"That's only seven." "What the
deuce was the other, now? There
were eight, sure." "Americans,"
suggested a reporter. "That's it.
Couldn't think of them to save me."
Detroit Free Press.
A councilor of an English town
was present at a meeting when the
subject of planting trees in the bor
ough was under discussion. He ob
jected to the scheme in these words:
"I will never vote for the granting
of the ratepayers' money toward
planting a revenue of trees in the
streets of this town." On another
occasion the same man was discus
sing the question of education with
a friend, when he made the remark
that he was going to give his daugh
ter a good education, and should
send her to a first-class cemetery to
be finished off. New Vork Tribune.
. m m
New '99 Crescent Uicycles are on
display at Roark's and you are invit
ed to call and see them. The chain
less is the greatest wheel out, and
will have greatly increased sales this
season, on account of improvements
which make it perfect. .
Gallant. "A man iSti&old as he
feels," said a gentlemanif the old
school, "and a womaiias old as
Nearly everyone rcadihe papers
these days. And a greatfiilimber who
read the nancrs. read the' (advertise
ments. And they trade with the ad-
was in this position.
You would be
So would other
A Compositor's Trials.
'Speaking of handwriting," said an
tmwsnoncr jm'aiv ' '1 1,1 f W'stm be
.,,ife&j...isii.w7lic7: 1 ., ., in tfi
was that ' of Colonel jTTr' Barton.
Tiie colonel was a Southern man; he
died in Alabama in '97 and a dozen
years ago he was famous throughout
the Middle West as an editorial wri
ter of great power and versatility.
The (piecr thing about him was that
his normal penmanship looked almost
like copper plate a beautiful flowing
script, but let him get excited or hur
ried, and it double discounted the
chicken tracks on Cleopatra's need
There used to be a funny story
about him, current among printers,
and I'll tell it for what it is worth.
One night, according to the yarn, a
tram) printer drifted into a Western
office where the colonel was in charge
and applied for a job. The foreman
put him to work, and he pegged along
all right until just before the hour
forgoing to press, when Barton sent
in a hurry-up editorial based on a
late news telegram. Nearly all the
printers had left, so the new man got
a piece of the "copy,' a page from
about the middle. He carried it to
his. case, "looked at it frowningly,
turned it upside down, looked at it
again, and finally put it in position
before him and began to scratch up
type. 'Read that in your sticks!'
yelled the foreman, 4we ain't got no
time for proofs!' And when the new
man carried his matter over it was
'dumped' into the forms without
4 'What he had set up ran about
like this: 'The miscreant who wrote
the copy 1 have before me is respon
sible for my fate. No human be
ing can read it. He cannot read it
himself. To-night I shall jump a
freight, and, as I am somewhat sha
ky from , recent jags, will probably
fall off and be killed. My blood be
on his head.' This remarkable par
agraph appearing without rhyme or
reason in the middle of Harton's
brilliant editorial, astonished the
readers of the paper next morning.
When the colonel recovered him
self sufficiently to get a club and
rush down to the office the tramp
printer had vanished." New Orle
ans Times Democrat.
OUR "CHALLENGE" PRESS.
The above is a representation of our Challenge Country Cyl
inder Press. It is manufactured by the Challenge Machinery
Co., in Chicago, claimed to be the largest of the kind in this
country. Its a great improvement over other country cylinder
presses on the market, and is in line with the high-grade equips
ment of our office throughout. The Crescent Type Foundry,
Chicago, arc the agents through whom purchase was made.
Roller m Mills.
HARDISGN & GARY, Props.
We are making extensive improvements, but our over
hauling In no way Interferes with the prompt execution, of
ail orders for grinding.
Our Mr. ONG is a Practical Miller, and we guarantee
the highest grade goods to be had on any market.
Flour, Meal and Bran for Sale.
Osburti & Pa A' ton,
Horseshoeing a ec? f
We are taking subscriptions to Tub
Rncoim in blocks of five and six from
Kinjrle persons, who arc sending the
extra copies to friends ait a distance.
This is not said to discourage the fel
low who only wants a copy for six
months; that will make us happy also.
Gayle 8 Morgan,
Our Prescription Department is under
the supervision of Mr. C. L GA YIE, a
registered pharmacist, and great skill
and precision are exercised in the exe
cution of all Prescriptions.
Silverware and Jewelry,
Some special strong bargains in
Watches, of which we have a strong
line. Rings in great variety.
Wheelwright & Blacksmith.
Back in ths shop, and ready to do all work in my line. Give
special attention to Machinery Repairs.
Ask for an opportunity to supply your wants, insuring the
best service on shortest notice.
'V I s '1
Jwst Below My Old Stand.
Subscribe for THE kECOkD. 50c.
J. I. PENCE S SON,
ina F .1 n r v mm mi k
Tinware, Queensware,, Novelties.
NEAR THE DEPOT.