Newspaper Page Text
jril.-"" " ' -r -' --'
GKATEFUL BEAR CUBS.
Tclo of a Potato Flold by a Man
from Slnnomnhonlng Way.
till Uncle's Tower of Remembering, Illi
Tatlirr's lluslness Idea, ami III
Own Willingness to Take
"Honestly," said tho man from Sin
nemahonlug way, "I feel sorry for
tins siilo of tho mountain every timo I
:omo over from old Sinnemnhonc! I
lo, reallyl Honest, I dol Why? He
cause, in the first place, this side of tho
mountain secras to leel its littleness,
and its away-down-lu-the-depthsncss,
as it were, and I can seo it wondering1
w hat it's on earth for, knowing that
Siunemahono is just over boyond, kick
ing its heels in tho air, so to speak,
like a lamb on tho hillside and swelling
up, and looking sassy, as if it might bo
a steer in tho oatsl Aud, in tho second
place, because I havo noticed a prepon
derance of yaller dog on this sido of
the mountain, and then this sido of tho
mountain's bears aiu't up to snuff. 'Ill
fares tho land, to hastening ills a prey,
where yaller dogs nccumulato and
bears ain't gay!' Sorry? Why, I'm so
sorry for this sido of tho mountain that
i I had a besom of destruction with
me I'd sweep every one of your yaller
dogs into tho Allegheny river yander,
and then go and drivo a herd of Slnno
raahomng beaflo over hero and give you
a new start in lifel Slnncmahoning
bears! Why, say, Homer mado tho
mistake of his lifo in not waiting a few
thousand j ears and being born on the
old Sinuemahonc! Then ho'd havo had
something to twang his lyre about!
Ho wouldn't havo had to tramp bare
foot over tho hills of Greece and adja
cent bailiwicks, making heroes, and
heroines out of mora or less disrep
utable folks, but ho could havo stamped
and sloshed along the storied Sinncma
honing, in t. pair of cowhldo boots, and
sung of bear till tho cows como hornet
, I often lie awako nights regretting
that Homer mado that mistake. Thoso
Sinnemahoning bears ought to havo a
Homer to put 'em on record as they
should bo put. Hut all is not lost.
Homer gave old Slnnemahoning tho go
by, and preferred ancient Greece to
bear's grease, but all is not lost. Old
Sinnemahone may not havo a Homer,
but she has Me! And if herbears don't
go dow n to posterity with bells on my
name ain't Praxiteles Pettibone!
"The trouble with me is, my memory
isn't long enough to do tho Sinnema
hone bear full justice. I have to deal
with him as a contemporary, and con
temporaneous history is a trifle dan
gerous to handle, for thero arc other
people who aro contemporaneous, and
they may insist on proofs. It is much
nicer to deal with history that was
contemporaneous with your grand
father, for then the burden of proof Is
on him, and all you havo to do is to
cite authorities. Now, if 1 had a mem
ory like an undo of mlno onco had, I
could go way back beyond this ques
tion with case, and show up tho Sinne
mahono bear in a shape that would bo
much moro amusing than any ho has
put on within my recollection, amazing
as that shapo has frequently been.
Tiiat uncle of mine quit working his
memory, though, quite suddenly, and
the reaction hastened his death. Ho
was letting it hate full sway once, and
after ho had at last called it in, the
new school-teacher, who had never
heard my uncle remember before, bald
" 'If I had your momory and fearless
ness in exercising it, I would write a
book and call it "Recollections of tho
Deluge, by a Survivor." '
"Somehow after that my undo quit
remembering and went into a decline,
and never stopped this sido of Jordan.
"When I was a boy, ten years or so
old, my father, Reuben Fottibonc, said
to me one day:
" 'Praiiteles,' said ho, 'I s'poso you
know them 'taters Is to bo planted to
day. I guess we'd better got at 'cm.'
"I knew it well enough, but I had
just dug a lot of worms and had every
thing ready to go down to tho creek
and try for trout. So I said:
" 'Yes, fathor. Hut tho trout aro
biting tremendous, so they say.'
" 'Is that so?' said father. 'Well, my
son I s'pose, then, you've, been digging
" Vcs, father,' said I, feeling good,
for father was an indulgent parent.
" 'And got your polo, and lino all
fixed ready, too, I s'poso?' said ho.
'"es, father,' I said, and felt just
as if I was as good as on tho creek.
l " 'Well,' said ho, '1 s'poso it w ouldn't
M inake much diiferonco if only ono of
us planted tajrs to-day?'
" 'Not a bit,' said I. 'if it don't make
any differenco to you.'
'"No, it don't,' says he. 'You'ro sure
'ou got fish worms enough?
" 'Plenty,' I said, starting to got my
"'And you'ro suro tho trout are bit-
ig good?' said he.
' 'Thoy wero never biting better,'
1 said 1
'"All right,' said he. 'I guess I'll
ko tho pole, then, and go down to
- ic creek and seo what luck I'll have,
"iou go on planting 'taters as if I
wasn't here, and get in as many as you
n, for it's a good day for planting. If
jou get that field all in to-day you can
go fishing yourself all noxt week.'
1 1 was a trifle setback, but I couldn't
help adrulro tho preponderance of tho
businns litn in rav f.ither. It wasn't
i fi ung that ho cared so much about.
U w.is tho getting in of tho 'taters, and
you H notico that ho didn't mako up
his mind to go a fishing until ho found
I could get along with tho planting all
fight. My father was a remarkablo
nan in a good many respects, and It is
wrti feelings of great thankfulness
that I look back now and know that ho
let business overpower indulgonco that
" Vlong back In March that year I
was out trying tho inaplo trees, with
an cyo to seo how sap was running,
; w'icn out of tho brush, off to ono sido
of me, an old sho bear carao rushing.
olie hugged a cub to her breast in each
J' arm, an I terror actually rolled out of
her eyes: Sho saw mo and came almostt
to my feet, where Bho crouched down
and turned her eyes up at mo with an
appealing look that almost made mo
sob. I !oon knew what was tho mat
ter with her, for out of tho brush
sprang a tremendous big panther. Ho
stopped when he saw mo, and glared
at mo and tho bear family. Tho old
bear trembled and moaned, and tho
baby bears cried painfully human-like.
I grasped tho situation at once. Thero
was nothing in tho woods that panthers
doted on as thoy did on fat, juicy
spring bear cubs, and they never hesi
tated to snatch um right out of their
mother's arms, if they couldn't get 'em
any other way. This panther had got
on tho train of this partioidar bear
mother and her llttlo ones, and had
mado up his mind to havo a meal or
two on tho cubs. Sho had fled from
him, and seeing me, had thrown her
self and family on my mercy, and was
there appealing to mo to savo her chil
dren, just as plain as plain could bo.
"I don't suppose it is necessary for
mo to tell you that sho brought her
cubs to tho right market for safety. I
stepped botween that glaring panthor
and that trembling, wailing family of
bears. I had my ax with me. The
bears crouched at my heels and moaned
and whined. Tho panther lashed his
tall and glared. Ho know what I was
thoro for, and mado up his mind to
show mo how little ho thought I knew
about it. Ho lifted up his voice and
yelled. Then ho lifted up himself and
leaped straight at me. I swung my ax.
Tho ax and tho panther mot in midair.
Tho panther's blood flew around and
mussed mo up considerably, but I
couldn't help but feel pleased over the
way that ax had slid through him,
from Ills noso clear to tho very tip of
his tail. One-half of tho panther fell
on one side of mo and tho other half on
the opposlto side. A butcher with his
knife and cleaver couldn't have carved
him in two any prettier. I was pleased.
I was, indeed. And the old bear tried
to lick my hands and feet, she was so
grateful; but I stood her away, and she
took herself off with her young ones,
her oyes beaming with gratitude as far
as I could seo her.
" 'That's all right,' I said to my self.
'I've saved them cubs, now, but they'll
grow up. 1 11 havo some fun with 'cm
ono o' theso days.'
"so 1 went homo ana tuought no
moro about it.
"The field wo were planting to 'ta'
tors had three acres'in it.
" 'If I got it all planted to-day I can
go fishing myself, all next week, can
I?' I said to myself after father had
gone. 'It'll take two men two days to
plant this field, so I guess I won't go
fishing next week.'
"Wonderful head for business my fa
ther had! Wonderful! I wont to
dropping and covering 'taters and had
planted about half of ono row, when a
bear about as big as a shepherd dog
appeared suddenly before mo. It
scooped out a hole in tho ground with
its paws, then went on thrco feet and
scooped out another one, straight
ahead, and right in tho 'tatcr row.
Whilo I was wondering yet what the
sassy youug cub was trying to got
through him, I felt myself pushed
from behind. Tho push sent me pretty
near stumbling to tho ground and past
the first hole the cub had dug. I had
some seed 'taters in my hand and some
of it dropped out and fell in tho hole.
I looked behind mo to seo who was
pushing me, and thero I saw another
bear, tho same size of tho first one.
This one had come forward and was
covering dirt over the 'tatcr seed I had
dropped in tho hole. I looked ahead
at tho other bear, and ho was working
away, digging holes, regular and
straight along that row. Well, I
wasn't quito a fool, and so I said:
" 'Ho, ho! I see! Theso aro tho two
cubs I saved from tho panther when
thoy wero babes in arms, so to speak.
And thoy havo come to give me a lift
in my 'tatcr planting, to show their
"And I went to dropping 'taters in
tho hole tho on bear dug, and the
other bear came along after mo and
covered 'em as slick and proper as I
would havo'dono it with a hoel Thero
wasn't a word said. I followed tho
hole-digging tear right on his heels
and dropped 'taters, and tho other bear
followed closo on my heels and covered
'cm, and tho combination worked so
amazing well that by thrco o'clock in tho
afternoon that whole field was planted
and planted better than it had ever
been planted before! When tho last
hole was dug and the last' ta tor dropped
and covered, tho two bcar3 trottad
back to tho woods, and I d.n't know
that I ever saw them again. I hadn't
been homo long when father came in
from fishing. His luck had been poor
and ho felt a little testy,
" 'Never mind, father,' said I. 'I'm
going fishing for a week, and I'll fetch
" 'Fishing for a week!' said father.
" 'Yes,' said I. '1 finished planting
the three-aero 'tatcr field to-day.'
"Father looked so scared that I told
him the whole story. After he heard it
" 'Praxiteles, thoy may tie tho old
Sinncmahono ono of thesa days, but
they'll never beat herl'
"And so 1 say, honestly, that I foo.
sorry for this bido of tho mountain
every timo I como over from Slnnema
honing way! I do, reallyl I do, in
deed!" "Slnnomahono!" said the man in the
red, blue, green, pink, purple and yel
low Mackinaw jacket, "if you felt hall
as'sorry as this side o' the mountain
does you'd go and shed tears with more
salt in 'cm than thero is in a bar'l o'
brine!" Ed Mott, in N Y. Sun.
Every real master of speaking or
writing uses his personality as he
would any other serviceable material)
tho very moment a speaker or writer
begins to uso It, not for his main pur
pose, but for vanity's sake, ns all weak
people aro suro to do, hearers and read
ers feel tho difference in a moment.
New York, tho greatest of out
commercial citie- and tho leading bca
port, is also tho greatest manufactur
Cleveland's Interference Alono
In the Bulletin, organ of tho Amcrl
:an Iron and Steel association, Mr.
James M. Swank makes an interesting
review of tariff legislation from 1S70
to 1804. It is nn unavoidable conclu
sion of the, facts presented by Mr.
pwank, though ho does not dwell upon
nor even mention it, that tho passago
of tho Wilson-Gorman bill with tho
consequent demoralization of trado is
not so much tho work of tho demo
cratic party as of Grover Cleveland.
Tho majority of men to-day, and at
any timo sinco 1833, active In the dem
ocratic party, aro free traders at heart.
but thero always has been and, oxcept
under such a dictatorship as that of
Cleveland, always will be a minority
of protectionist democrats in congress.
And it always has been, except under
the Cleveland absolutism, btrong
enough to prevent radical changes of
tariff by acting with tho republican
Tho tariff of 1S70, passed by a con
gress that was overwhelmingly repub
lican, was strongly protective. To tho
twenty-eight dollars per ton duty im
posed by it tho country owes tho crea
tion, growth and firm establishment of
Its steel rail Industry; and, indeed, all
tho magniflcont iron and steel works
of tho United States wero built up or
confirmed by tho operation of tho
tariff of 1870. It endured until 1883.
Hut in the meantime it had been sub
jected to thrco attacks, tho most seri
ous of which was in 1878, when the
Wood tariff bill was framed and de
bated. It was a freo trado measure,
or, at any rate, a measure tending
toward free trade. Tho houbo was
democratic, and it was belioved that
the bill would pass that body. Randall
was speaker of tho house. Hut on mo
tion of Gen. Hutler to strike out tho
enacting clause it was defeated, nine
teen democrats voting with Hutler.
Again in 18s0 a strong effort was mado
to reduce tho duty on steel rails to ten
dollars per ton. This was defeated in
tho ways and means committee.
The tariff of 1893 succeeded that of
1870. It also was protective in charac
ter, though less symmetrical In pro
portions than'its predecessor. Hardly
had it passed into law before the demo
crats organized for its repeal. In 1884
Mr. Morrison introduced his first "hori
zontal" bilL It was slain by u motion
of Mr. Convorso, democrat, to strlko
out tho enacting clause, thirty-nine
democrats, with 1'andall among them,
voting ayo on tho motion of Mr. Con
verse. In November of 1884, Mr. Cleve
land was elected to his first presidential
term, and in March, 1883, ho recom
mended reduction of tariff duties to
congress. The houso again was strong
ly democrat!. In 1880 Mr. Morrison
Introduced a second "horizontal" bill.
Tho houso refused to consider it seri
ously, thirty-five democrats, with Ran
dall in tho lead, voting against It. "For
this vote," says Mr. Swank, "Mr. Cleve
land never forgace Mr. Randall." In
his next annual message, that of De
cember, 1880, Mr. Cleveland again
urged tariff reduction on congress,
and atrain Mr. Morrison introduced a
"horizontal" measure. Again tho house,
through democrats, with Randall
again in tho lead, voted against it. A
now congress was elected in the
autumn of 1850, and President Cleve
land addressed himself to it in his
next annual message, December, 1897,
and in this message ho came nearer a
plain advocacy of freo trade. Tho Mills
bill followed. Tho presidential power
was brought to bear upon democrats
known to be, opposed to it, and but
four dared to brave his wrath. Ran
was too ill to be in his seat on the oc
casion of the final vote, or thero would
havo been five. How tho Mills bill
passed tho house and was rejected by
tho senate, and how the country re
jected the bill and the president who
framed it and most of the democratic
congressmen who had voted for it, are
matters of recent history. At this
point tho history of tariff legislation
is completed to tho end of Cleveland's
first term. It is plain that there al
ways w as a considerable minority of
protectionist democrats elected to con
gress. As a sequence of the elections of 1888
tho McKinlcy tariff was passed. "Tho
country now Is convinced of its mer
its. It remained in force for but a
brief time, but it brought unexampled
prosperity to tho country, and unex
ampled adversity succeeded thereto as
soon as it 'jeeamo apparent that tho
president aud congress wero bent upon
its repeal. Tho intrigues, tho threats,
the promotions and the displacements
that tho president brought to bear
upon protectionist democrats form a
scandalous chapter in political his
tory. Yet ho was not able to carry
tho Wilson bill in its origiual form
Amended and altered and patched out
of all bcmblance to its original design,
i tariff law that has nil tho faults of
an ill-considered measure of protec
tion and all the vicc.i of radical freo
trado was passed through houso and
senate, and was approved unwillingly
by Mr. Cleveland. Hut ho is to blame
for tho hybrid measure. No congress,
not even a democratic congress, could
bo expected to approve the monstrosity
of tho wuson uiu. jsui tor presi
dential interference tho Wilson bill
would havo been killed, as tho Morri
son bills were, by concerted action of
conservative democrats and repub
licans. It is to bo noted that few of
the democrats who wero known as
Cleveland's cuckoos were returned to
the present congress. Chicago Inter
E3T"Iloss" Gorman, whoso revised
version of tho Wilson tariff bill was
called, by tho president, a piece of
"party perfidy and dishonor," bcems to
havo ruled in Maryland, and to havo
given a gratuitous, though hypocrit
ical, Indorsement to tho administra
ESTSecrctary Carllslo says tho pres
ent administration has had more try
ing times than any clher cxeopt those
involved in a ww. This is probably
true, a-nd tho peoplo never want to seo
another like it, Ono deficit of war size
during a timo of peace is enough. St.
EFFECT OF FREE WOOL.
The Democratic Tariff Cripples Impor
Some interesting figures in regard to
wool aro given by tho Washington cor
respondent of the Philadelphia Press.
Democratic papers havo pointed with
prido to increased importations of wool
under tho now tariff, hut they havo
failed to note the decline in the homo
wool-growing Industry. The low prico
of 'wool is forcing the sheep raisers out
of bustness. With tho home supply
cut off prices will advance again, but
tho foreigner will reap tho harvest.
Foreign wool is low priced only when
It comes in competition with tho home
article. Every timo wo havo had to
havo tho foreign product wo havo been
forced to pay well for it, and that will
be the experience as boon as tho dem
ocratic free trado programme has had
time to kill off tho American sheep.
Tho correspondent gives a table show
ing tho home wool clip and tho con
sumption during each of tho last five
years. Tho figures bhow that with
btcadily increasing consumption thero
has been a decline in tho clip sinco tho 1
democratic tariff went Into forcp. Tho
tablo follow s:
Clip of 1990J09 OW.00O pounds used up In the
fiscal year ended Juno 3), 1801.
Clip of 1S91, 307.000 0OJ pounds used up la the
fiscal year ended Juno 30. 1892.
Clip of 189J. 333,000,000 pounds used up In the
fiscal year ended June 30, 1891
Clip of 1893, 304 0X1,000 pounds used up In tho
fiscal year ended Juno 33, 1894.
Clip of 1891, 318,000 000 pounds used up la the
fiscal year ended Juno 39, 18)5,
Clip of 1895. 204 000.000 pounds available for
uso for tho fiscal year ending June 30 1890.
During the last fiscal year under tho
McKlnley tariff tho home wool produc
ers furnished all but 55,000,000 pounds,
of the wool used in tho United States.
Last year the imports Increased to 203,
000,000 pounds, and, with a consump
tion equal to that of last year, the im
ports for tho fiscal year 1890 will
aggregato 208,000,000 pounds. It is
estimated that the loss to the wool
growers amounts to S40,000,000 a year.
Tho only e"xcuso for this given by the
tariff reformers was that freo wool
would decrease the use of shoddy and
enable American woolen goods to meet
those of othor countries in competition
for the trade of the world. Tho prom
ises have not been fulfilled. Never has
there been so' much shoddy used as
now, the export of American woolens
has declined instead of increased, and
foreign competition at home has be
come serious. Tho Press correspondent
"Tho free trade price of wool was antici
pated, and wool dropped from March, 1893, to
March, KM. measured by the standard grade
of XX Ohio, from a llttlo over thirty cents to
about fifteen cents, and the wool growers, be
ltcUng that thoro was no futurouse for tho
ool Industry, sold their flocks In countless
numbers to tho butchers, so that the clip of
1891 fell off (o 3:8,003,000 pounds, and that of
1895, just clipped, to only SOI 000,001 pounds a
decrease, therefore. In tho two jears since
Cleveland s Inauguration of 100 000 0 pounds.
To make up for this deficit In tbo
American clip wo aro compelled to Import
wool to take tho place of the American
wool destroyed to (ho great extent already
noted. For the fiscal jear of 1890 we
will probably havo to go to foreign nations
for S03OO3,0 pounds of raw wool This
takes no account of tho Imports of shoddy,
ragi. waste, etc, which aro entered i
manufactures of wool, for In the fiscal year
ended Juno 3), 18)1. which was the last fiscal
year under tho McKlnley law, wo Imported
only 131,771 pounds of shoddy, rags, waste,
etc .but during tho fiscal ear ended June 3),
1833, and almost all of It In tan months after
tho passago of tho Wilson law, we Imported
H,77.',0W pounds of shoddy, wasto, etc an In
crease, o! over 1,00a per cont This was made
necessary, first, by tho destruction of tho
American clip, and, second, by tho low duties
upon manufactures of wool and tho ad valorem
fcaturo of tho latter, which permits underval
uation and compels American manufacturers
to Increase- their uso of shoddy Novor In the
history of the wool business In America has
It bcon necessary to uso so many choap adul
terants In order to prorcnt our manufacturers
from being driven out of their homo market
by tho shoddy goods admitted undor the ad
valorem rates of the new tariff law."
This is a fair statement of tho way
free trade affects tho industries of
wool raising and tho manufacture of
woolens. Net a particle of gain has
como to tho American people through
the placing of wool on the free list.
On th contrary, ono great industry
has received a death blow, and tho
only one to gain has been the manu
facturer of shoddy goods. Wo are buy
ing abroad an article which wo should
produco at homo, depriving tho sheep
raisers of 810,000,000 yearly and turn
ing it over to tho foreign wool inter
ests. It is a costly sacrifice wo havo
been compelled to make upon the altar
of democratic freo trade. Troy
Tho Object of I'roo Trade.
'Rah for free trado and "tho markets
of the world!" Dun's Review states
that tho exports of wheat from Ameri
can Atlantic ports during July, 1895,
havo "been only 3,403,004 bushels, flour
included, against 0.005,033 bushels las
year!" Dun's Pcylcw represents cno
of Blunder Hoies' "great cdmmercial
agencies," therefore Its .statement that
the exports of American brcadstulfs
for July, 1895, wero only a little more
than one-third of liko exports during
July, 1894, under tho McKlnley tariff,
may bo accepted ns conclusive proof
that "tho markets of tho world-' want
freo trade witli the United States in
order that thoy may sell their pauper
mado goods in the United States
in competition with tho goods made by
tho laborers of tho United States.
That is the whole and c:ct object of
freo trade. What do tho American la
boring and business men think of their
own situation under the Wilson-Gorman
tariff? Let them answer in, tho
ballot boxes of 1895 and 1890. Iowa
137"0fllceholdcrs under the present
adminisiration.aro in favor of a third
term for President Cleveland. And of
courso they would not object to a
fourth, fifth, tenth or twentieth term,
for that would probably nssuro their
retention in office, and establish an
olllceholding class which would bo
very influential under tho alleged re
public that Grover Cleveland would
govern in his consecrated way. Many
peoplo ridicule the suggestion that Mr.
Cleveland contemplates the possibility
of securing another nomination, but ut
the samo timo it is observed tha,t per
sons close to tho president aro careful
not to disavow ho cntcrtaina this Idea.
fouNTltY Housewife (to husband about to start for town with farm prod
ftctjJj Joshua, tho ducks are all dressed and ready for market
Joshua Tie a bit of canvas to each of their hicks, Maricr; everybody ta
shoutin' for canvas-backs nowadays.
A Uentle Kevuigc.
Old Bachelor Remember that girl I
nearly went crazy over?
Friend Yes; her refusal of you near
ly ruined you.
"That's tho one. Well, sho married
my rival, and he's committed suicide;
and now I'll havo my revenge."
"I'll will her all my money and every
body will say it was out of gratitudo
to her for not marrying me." N. Y.
In Arctle Circles.
That they have buds In Iloston
Ono scarcely dares to doubt;
But, still In such an atmosphere.
How can they bring them out?
ALIVK AND KICKINQ.
Jonesey By the way, Smlthcrs, how
ls that Spiccr girl you were gone on?
Smithers She's all right.
Jonesey And that crusty old cuss,
her father, is he alive and kicking?
Smithers You'd a-thouglit so If you
had seen him hist mo out last night.
Tntlrely Too Trcsh.
Mr. Scoflleigh I don't seo why you
peoplo should bo making such a fuss
over tho new woman. You don't hear
us talking about the need of a now
Miss Fin do Slcclo No. As a rule,
men are new enough. Judge.
A Dreadful Thought.
Guide A few miles from hero is a
place in the mountains where there is a
wonderful echo. Every word you say
is repeated ten times.
, Tourist Great Scott! What a fearful
placo that would be to have to listen to
a curtain lecture! Texas Siftings.
First Bunco Man Couldn't get
Farmer Squashly to go into tho green
goods business, eh?
Second Bunco Man No; ho couldn't
seo enough money in it. Said he'd
stick to summer boarders. Brooklyn
The Opportunity Seized.
She (in tho art gallery) I wonder ii
my hat is on straight; everybody staret
at mo so.
He Naturally they do. You'ro tho
most perfect picture hero.
And now tho cards aro out. Phila
niJ WOULDN'T FUOMISE.
She Can you keep a secret?
He Well, It depends a good deal on
how rough tho weather's going to be.
It's hard to tell what a fellow can keep
on board ship. Truth.
Had Expressed Ills Regret.
"You ought to have apologized to tha
lady for stepping on lie- foot," said his
mother, after tho caller had gone.
"I did," answered Willie. "I told
her I was sorry sho couldn't keep her
feet out of my way." Chicago Tribune.
He Vul Bobbed.
Brown You look as if you had tho
Robinson So I have. I've lost my
beautiful new silk umbrella.
"Where did you leave It?"
"I didn't leave it anywhere. Tho
owner met me on the street and took it
away from mo." Texas Sittings.
A Clear Coast.
Catterson We are going to havo a
big revival at my church next week.
Come up and spend some evening with,
natterson Great Scott! I don't go
Catterson Neither do I, but my wlfo
docs. N. Y. Herald.
A Houston (Tex.) gentleman Is too
modest to uso the word garter. A friend
"What kind of a present aro you go
ing to buy your wife?"
"I think I'll get her a 'honi solt qui
mal y pense,' " was tho reply. Texas
Not In tho Market.
Plugwinch I understand that Lame
duck has several marriageable daugh
ters. Samjoncs U'm he had till lately.
Plugwinch Oh! then they aro mar
ried. Samjones No; ho failed last year.
Her Clover Scheme.
Binks Jinks, is your wife highly in
tellectual? Jinks Well, sho asked for five dol
lars to buy mo a birthday present,
and then got mo a slxty-nino cent lawn
mower. Louisville Courier-Journal..
Going Away.for tho Summer.
Mother look3 over tho warirobe neat.
With its various Duffs and frills;
The girls look over the list of ads
And father looks over the bills.
PBETTr IIAItD TO TELL
The Speaker And now look at tho
horriblo examplo upon tho platform.
A Voice Which one is the example?
A Practical Suggestion.
Senior True, this is not one of tho
great universities, being only a com
mercial college, but, really, I think wa
should have a characteristic cry.
Freshman What's tho matter with
Done by a Illlnd Talnter.
"A most wonderful bit of work.
Thoso things were painted by a blind
"Thoso blinds." Rochester Union
Charm Wouldn't Work.
He There's the new moon look at
it over your left shoulder.
And sho pointed mutely to her bal
loon sleeves. Chicago Record.
New Light on nn Old Story.
Sunday School Teacher Why did tha
naughty children mock tho Prophet
Elisha when ho went up tho hill?
Llttlo Johnny Because ho had to
get off his wheel and walk. Chicago
Jimley Tho Japaneso mako it a
habit to smile even when suffering tho
most poignant anguish.
Blmley Well, sufferings drivo peo
ple to drink in this country, too. N. Y.
Wonld Do a Loving Daughtor.
Mr. Oldboy Say that you will b
Sno I cannot marry you, but I tell
you what I will do, I'll let you bo a
father to me. Life.
sjJacJ&stSa. i wGlls gpaJJ