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South-eastern Independent. (McConnelsville, Ohio) 1871-1871, June 09, 1871, Image 1

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Poetry.
THE EVENING HEARTHSTONE.
GtLT bow we gather roana h,
toiling ay to done.
And the gray and solemn twilipht
FoUowb down the golden inn.
Shadows-lengthen on the pavement, -btalk
like giants throuira the gloom,
n nder past the dusky casement,
, Creep around the lire-lit room.
. . Draw the coram, close the shorten,
. Place the slippers by the fire;
Thongh the rude wind loudly nintters.
What care we for wind-sprite's ire 1
'WJ. ; re we for outward seeming?
Fickle Fortune's frown or smilel
If around us loTe is beamine,
1VA f- t hnvn. 111- ) - -
'Neath the cottage roof and palace,
rom Peasant to the king.
All are quaffing from life's chalice
Bubbles that enchantment bring.
Grates are glowing, magic flowing
From the liie vrelove the best;
Oh, the Joy, the bliee of knowing
There are hearts whereon to restl
Hearts that throb with eager gladness
llearts that echo to our own
hile grim care and hannting sadness
bungle ne'er in look or tone.
Care may tread the halls of daylight,
Sadness haunt the midnight hour.
But the weird aud witching twilight
Brings the glowing heartostoue's dower.
Altar of our holiest feelings 1
Childhood's well-remembered shrine 1
Spirit-yearnings soul-reveal ings
Wreaths immortal round thee twine.
RIVER OF LIFE.
BY S. F.
Thirb is a stream whose waters lave
In gentle flow, or swelling wave.
The face of every land.
And tiny boat lets hither go.
And thither, 'mid the ceaseless flow
That eddys o'er the strand.
Not ocean depth, nor mountain height,
lior silent vale, nor desert blight,
. Excludes its fiery beat;
' Where'er the blessed sunlight falls.
Or eve to deeper nightshade calls,
its countless, currents meet.
The peasant hamlet "neath the brow
Of Alpine cliff, 'mid crad ling mow,
lis sparkline waters bless;
The Arab teut, within the shade
Of tow 'ring palm; the everglade.
All feel its loveliness.
River of Life! Thy poises sound
With measured throb, on either bound
Of ever-moving Time.
In Paradise thy nunoet verge !
And ever since tby rolling surge
Uath sought a heavenly clime.
O! Elver, sweet! on thy dear breast
liear thou thy children home to rest
From ev'ry earthly ill ;
That on the banks of heavenly streams.
Where Life and Love give fuller gleams,
Tuej drink eternal fill.
Miscellaneous.
Don't Tell Betsey Jane.
" And for your life, don't tell Betsey
Jane!"
Mr. Nicodemus Harding, having uttered
this caution in a low. earnest tone of vnira
alighted from a Concord wagon in front of
bis own iarm-nouse aoor, ana stood there
a few minutes in a brown study, watching
iuc uguie ui ma urotner-in-iaw ana the
lawyer, as he drove back towards the vil
lage of W , whence the two men had
just come.
" Don't tell Betsev Jane '"
Now, Betsey Jane was Mr. Nicodemus
Harding 8 wile, a stirring, notable soul,
who made more butter and cheese, and
x)k more eggs ana iowis to market
in the course of a season, than any other
woman for miles around. Strong, healthy
biui ucariy, sne maue tne Housework cy,
ju use ner own energetic expression ; and
if Nicodemus Harding owned his firm
that day, and was well-to-do, in fact a rich
man to Doot, it was owing m no small
measure to the skill and energy, and gen
eral gu-a-neauauveness oi nis lie tsey Jane.
What was it, then, that the ungrateful man
was not about to tell her?
"It would never do, never!" thought
JMeodemus to himself, shaking his head.
"She'd be wanting a new carpet, or a new
silk gown, or the house all painted over,
or some such nonsense. No, the woman
is the weaker vessel ; it won't do to trust
one too tor. Their heads won t bear it."
So Mr. N icodemus passed through vlhe
house, and out toward the barn, with the
pre-occupiea air oi a nen who has an egg
to lay, and don't know where she can hide
it irom tne eyes of mankind to the best
advantage. The kitchen was empty and
silent as he went through it But oh ! if
he could have seen the buxom, good-looking
female who stole silently out of the
pantry, and as silently followed him on his
way toward the barn.
Mrs. Harding came back in about twenty
minutes or so, wun a lace red from sup
pressed laughter.
"Don't tell Betsey Jane," she said,
giggling into her gingham apron. "You
are a very smart man, Nicodemus, and my
brother, Tim Noyes. is another, and a
lawyer in the bargain. Don't tell Betsey
Jane, Indeed ! Two wretches, you deserve
all you'll get, pretty soon !"
Betsey Jane said no more, but bided her
time, a weeK passed away, and then
brother Tim's wagon drove up aeain to
. 1 J i v. - . . - .
uie uour, mm XMCoaemus stepped into it,
and was off to the village once more.
.Betsey jane had asked in vain to go.
Nicodemus was bound on business
"business which a woman could not under
stand," he loftily exclaimed. He, lord and
master, well out of sight, Betsey Jane went
about that business a woman could not
understand, with a merry twinkle in her
ongni Diacit eyes.
At 4 p. vcl, Nicodemus returned home
again, looking quite as important as before.
He tiptoed alone throuah the kitchen
Betsey Jane watching him from the corner
oi ner eye au tne while. He passed out
into the shed. A fragrant smell of smoke
came forward to greed him an odor of
owning corn cobs gradually curing ham.
Nicodemus turned deathly pale, and ran
frantically forward to a large fire smolder
ing in the ash-house, and a large ham or
two covered over Dy blankets, hanging
placidly there. The yell he gave brought
ukukj jane irom tne house instanter, to
find Nicodemus grovelling before the ash
house door, weeping and wailine and tear
ing his hair, and ottering yell after yell of
uepair.
" Why, bless me ! what's the matter
Are you in a fit ? Let me run for the cam
phor," shnekc-d Betsey Jane.
"Camphor! Bring arsenic ! Bring pot
son of some kind poison ! " yelled Nico
demus frantically.
" Woman, you've ruined me ! Twelve
thousand dollars in government bonds did
I put in that ash-hole for safety just a
week ago, and now you've gone and burned
them to cook that cussed bacon. Pison !
Pison ! Pison ! And let me get out of
.1 J ISM
uh oreary wona. - -"
Oh so that was what you were not
going to ten iseisey jane ! Am t you
asnamea oi yourself, is icodemus Hard
ing "
Nicodemus could not answer. He laid
prostrate iu the ashes and howled.
" Get up and don't be a fool ! " said Bet
sey Jane amiably. "I heard you and
brother Tim conspiring at the door that
day, and I watched you go to the ash hole,
and soon found out what you had hid away
there. Woman is the weaker vessel, no
doubt, but she don't put twelve thousand
dollars where the first match that comes
handy can burn it up ! Here are the bonds,
Nicodemus for ten thousand. I've kept
two for my honesty."
Poor Nicodemus ! He gathered himself
up out oi tne asnes, and tooK nis bonds
what was left of them. He rather thinks
it pays best, on the whole now, to tell Bet
sey Jane.
When making playful contracts, adjust
able many years ahead, with very young
ladies, gentlemen will do well to call in a
cunpetent arithmetician before closing the
bargain, and have the possible results
properly figured up. Here, for illustration,
is Miss Susie Evans, of Bainbridge, who
sues Curtis Cooper, of Guilford, Conn., on
a contract made fifteen years ago, by which
Mr. Cooper agreed to give Miss Evans
one ewe lamb and its increase until she
was twenty -one years of age, in consider
ation of a eold watch-key. The suit is
brought to recover the sheep or its equiv
alent. The evidence snowed mat me in
crease was to be in ewe lambs, and that
the natural increase of a flock of sheep
would double every year. According to
this estimate. Miss Susie would have at
the end of fifteen years 16,004 ewe lambs.
The justice declined to give judgment fur
so large a number, because, he said, he
was afraid Miss Evans wouldn't be able to
find pasturage for so many.
to
the
he
by
his
I
but
He
all
was
that
ne
The
from
ly
with
had
Dr.
man,
He
was
at
tion,
but
true,
a
open
was
very
room
mucn,
were
tastes
taken
set
ousy.
with
the
lug
remark
tingle
said
would
1
nior
and
the
make
"
tor,
come
make
an
two,
So
Dr.
room
ever.
Col.
close
the
hand.
am
her
gruut,
1
the
her
"
should
waut
Can
and
hnd
drawing-room,
room.
ravages
lovely
INDEPENBENT.
VOLUME I.
McCONNELLSVILLE, OHIO, FRIDAY, JUNE 9, 1871.
NUMBER 10.
THE MAGNIFICENT.
In the ancient Roman citv of Bath.
about the end of the last century, while it
still retained much of the fashion and
celebrity it had reached in the days of
ueau iash, tne frequenters of the pump
room and the balls were divided into two
rival factions, and long and fierce were
their quarrels over the topic of dissension.
This was neither more nor less than the
not inappropriate one of the merits of two
rival doctors, who divided between them
the smiles and guineas of the elite of Bath.
Dr. Heathcote, the senior of the two, long
ruled over the internal economv of tha
upper class of patients with undisputed
sway. He was a handsome, dapper, dig
nified, well dressed and well-spoken little
gentleman, with undeniable manners, silk
stockings and shirt frill. Among the dow
agers his word was law. At whist or
piquet he was an oracle, and not unfrc-
queutly the younger ladies would confide
k ma saie ear and Kinulv counsels mala
dies of the heart. If he did bow a little
low to a baronet, and still lower to a coro
net, it was his only foible ; and as this was
part of his professional' manner, It was
pardonable and not unpopular.
The reign of this iEsculapian potentate
was at last rudely disturbed by the ar
rival of a pretender to the throne. Where
Dr. Lenoir came from, who he was, or
wnere ne had previously practiced, no one
Knew, or, to tell the truth, had ever ven
tured to ask. He was a man of immense
frame, over six feet in height, with a large
head, black eyes, and a good-tempered.
sanguine complexion. He had commenced
his Bath career by becoming the tenant of
large nouse on tne outskirts of the town.
hich rumor said was used as a lunatic
sylum. But he made his appearance in
the pump-room and the evening recrea
tions, and, as he proved to be a man of
wit and information, soon became a favor
ite with the lounging society of the place.
Even in his most familiar moods, how
ever, he had something formidable about
nun. no coxcomD ventured to asK him
questions, and he assumed a quiet supe
riority which was only not galling be
cause it was so thoroughly good-tempered.
ltn nis patients he was exactly the re
verse of the reigning sovereign. He was
gruff to the great, kindly to the poor, to
children gentle as a woman. Rules of
practice he set entirely at defiance, and
was said by his enemies to toss up for each
case whether he could kill or cure. Cure,
however, he did many cases apparently
nope less, ana oy aevoung much care, and
soothing the suffering he could not cure.
and making the approaches of death less
agonizing, ne earned the gratitude of sur
viving relatives. Such were the rivals,
for whom the card tables of Bath waged
war.
me rivals themselves were sworn
brothers. Dr. Heathcote at first was
scornful, and then was testy; but he could
not resist the spell which Dr. Lenoir
seemed to wield ; and although at consul
tauon ana on proiessionai visits ne wore
his dignified sneer with due propriety,
many a hand at piquet did he hold with
brother physician, aud when none was by
see or hear, would make his old consult
ing-room ring with laughter at the exuber
ant humor of his companion. Lenoir, on
other hand, bowed in public, with the
modesty of a younger man, to the more
mil ui c pi , a ii a lu&uuieu 1113 place
with so much kind-hearted deference that
other-was entirely disarmed. But a
kind of undefined pomp followed his foot
steps. In the pump-room and at the balls
had a chosen place which no one ever
usurped; and he went by the name of
Doctor Magnificus, which, contracted
the unlearaed into The Magnificent, was
ordinary title.
Dr. Lenoir had been about three vears at
Bath, when the events happened of which
am about to speak. Little more was
known of him then than when he first ar
rived. It was known he was unmarried ;
he was plainly rot a marrying man
flirted in his good-humored way with
the pretty girls, but it was evidently
flirtation of society, not of the heart. It
also certain, by his style of living,
he was in easy circumstances, and that
naa resources otner than his profession.
only instance when he ever unbent
his superb demeanor was when in
company with Mrs. DeGrey, an exceeding
oeauiiiui ana attractive -woman, who,
her husband and two voune children.
lived for more than a year at Bath.
Lenoir plainly admired her very much.
Colonel DeGrey was a good-looking
with a military air, and manners
which bespoke knowledge of the world.
was not a favorite, for his demeanor
reserved to the crowd, although, when
his ease, he could converse with anima
and was well read and well traveled.
his wife was all that was charmincr.
Lively, spirited, kindly and thoroughly
wiinout a aasn 01 sen conceit, or
thought of evil; ready in repartee.
sparkling in small talk, but with an ever
heart and hand lor real sorrow, she
tne joy 01 ail who Knew her; and
nonestiy distressed were the pump-
gossips when they heard that Mrs.
JJeurey was seriously ill.
tJoL ieurey auueted .Lenoir s society
lor nis powers ot conversation
remarKame, and mey nad many
in common, am wnen nis wue was
ilL he sent for Dr. Heathcote, to the
amusement of Bath scandal-mongers, who
it down to a slight infusion of leal
Now and then, as Lenoir stood
leaning like a Hercules against his ac
customed pillar, some wag, who thought
himself privileged, launched a shaft at him
this barb to it; but Lenoir, without
slightest discomposure, or even allud-
to tne gibe, shot back some sarcastic
on his assailant, which made him
to the tips of his fingers. But he
inquired, with real solicitude of Dr. Heath
cote as to his patients health. -
"To tell you the truth, my dear fellow."
Heathcote one day, "I wish they
call you in. ui course, you know,
cannot ask lor a consultation with a ju
; but I wish thev would pay me off
taKe you. 1 am burly puzzled ; and all
medicines 1 have given her seem to
her worse."
No wonder," said Lenoir ; " but, doc
it would be a pity tbat harm should
to that poor creature because we
up our pills differently. If you make
excuse to let me attend for a day or
1 will tell you, to tne best oi my judg
ment, what I think of the case."
Dr. Heathcote made his excuse, and
Lenoir was called in. And the pump-
scandal-mongers talked more than
DeGrey lived in a .handsome villa
to the town ; and thither Dr. Lenoir
proceeded. The Colonel received him at
door, and shook him warmly by the
' -
My boot wife is very ill,-1 fear, and I
sure you will do your best to bring
through."
Lenoir answered this appeal with a
and walked straight into the dining
room, and looked ont at the window.
suppose Dr. Heathcote has told you
symptoms that she never can take
food T"
He has told me nothing. If he had I
not have believed him. I don't
to know anything about symptoms.
I see her?" ;
"Certainly. She is rather belter to rlav
very anxious to see you. You will
ner in tne drawing-room."
Lenoir went tip stairs and entered the
the Colonel simply an
nouncing him, and then leaving the
Whatever he thought of the wastine
which a month had made on that
face, he said nothing on that sub
a
I
to
I
to
j
I
has
but
saw
The
on
her
may
"
own
ing
from
ana
Next
lady
that
a
then.
has
"
"
my
ment
is
and
peud.
you
to
about
"
not
"
and
their
to-morrow."
"
tongue
knows
cent
asked
ject, but put his questions more disagreea
bly than usual.
" You are not to be so cross. Dr. Le
noir; Dr. Heathcote was never cross," she
said, with a wan smile lighting up her
faded cheek.
Lenoir flushed for an instant, and then
replied: "Cross yes, I'm always cross
with people like you. It's good for
them.'
As if she had not heard what he said,
she aioiin addressed him :
"Ami very ill, doctor?"
"Nothing bat fancy and temper the
matter with you. Why do you mope up
here?"
" I cannot go outj You cannot tell how
weak, and oh ! how sick I am ! O, Dr. Le
noir, can you not cure me ? If you can't,
I shall die, and- leave dear Fred and my
poor little children." And the poor wo
man burst into a paroxysm of tears.
Lenoir sat until the storm had burst,
and had spent its force; but tears stood in
his own impassive eyes, and his voice
trembled in spite of himself when he
spoke to her. .
"Core youf Of course I shall, if you
don't give way to such folly ; and when
you are cured you will say you got well of
yourself" - --- -
"Do you really mean it?" she said,
faintly.
Dropping his gruff style, he said, in a
softer tone, " I think I can cure you."
And with those words he left her, and
reioined the Colonel in the dining-room.
and straightway again looked out at the
window.
Quite a common case," he said, as if to
himself ; " have seen it a hundred times ;
must have a nurse."
" A nurse !" said CoL DeGrey. " What
do you think of my wife ? A hat is her
illness?"
" A very common complaint. Colonel."
said the doctor, "although I have not often
met with it in this country. But she
must have a nurse who understands su-
dorifics, and with your leave I will send
one."
And without waiting to know ' whether
the Colonel wished to have a nurse or
not, the doctor stalked out of the
house.
If any one had seen the doctor's ex
pression of countenance as he strode
down to the gate he would not have
liked it. Was it wrath, or malignity, or
cunning? It was a very tmlovablable ex
pression, and not like the doctor's usual
face.
Within two hours the nurse arrived : a
tall, gaunt French woman, with a resolute
set of features, who understood and could
speak English when she chose, but not
otherwise. .
She brought with her a small phial of
medicine, which she explained to Mrs.
DeGrey was to be taken every hour dur
ing the night, and the effects of which re
quired to be carefully watched. . She
seemed to consider this her peculiar charge,
for on CoL DeGrey taking out the stopper
to smell it, she snatched it away, with a
pettish French exclamation, and without
much reverence.
A fortnight passed over. Dr. Lenoir
came every day. He prescribed nothing
but this nightly potion, which was gradu-
a:ly discontinued; and Mrs. DeGrey be
gan to rally, her appetite returned, and
sh was apparently getting well. The Col
onel was greatly relieved, and was profuse
in his thanks.
People began to say that there was no
necessity for the doctor visitine auite so
often. But the Colonel did not seem to
think so, for the doctor dined with him
almost every other day. To Dr. Heath-
cote's inquiries, Lenoir only said, to his
great wrath, that there never had been
anything the matter with her but his med
icines.
One evening, as the Colonel and he
were sitting at their wine after dinner, the
former said, " When do you think Mrs.
DeGrey will be able to travel ? I think
change of air would do her good ; and
began to fear Bath does not aeree with
her.,r
"Soon. I should think." said Lenoir:
and as she is so much better, l propose
be absent for a day or two, as I have
business in the country. So. if von think
can be spared, I shall go to-morrow. But
don't change her regimen in my absence,
nor give her any of old Heathcote's po
tions. They are all very well in their
way, but she has done better without
them."
The Colonel laughed and gave his word
eschew the established order of things ;
and the next morning the doctor left.
Four days passed away, and on the
fifth Lenoir again appeared at Prospect
Villa.
CoL DeGrey was at home, and appeared
dejected. " Things have not been so
weil," he said. " Your patient has had a
relapse of her sickness; and something
happened which troubles both her and
me."
"What is the matter?" said the Mag
nificent. " Well, I don't like to inspire suspicions,
I fear that nurse drinks."
" Why do you think so ?"
Because Mrs. DeGrey tells me that she
her conceal a bottle in her pocket.
woman thought she was asleep, and
her moving concealed it hurriedly."
" Have you observed any other symp
toms of drinking?" said Lenoir.- - . -
" No, I caunot say I have excepting that
manner is very abrupt and rude."
"I shall probe this to the bottom, you
depend on it," replied the doctor;
and I shall examine her about it at my
house to-night Meanwhile say noth
more while she is here."
He saw his patient, and found she had
decidedly relapsed and was greatly de
pressed.. His visit had little effect in re
viving her spirits, and again, as he walked
the house, the evil shadow came
across his face.
The same day brought a letter by post
forOoL DeGrey, desiring his immediate
attendance in London on urgent business ;
ne started tne same night by the maiL
morning the Magnificent paid the
a visit She seemed greatly excited.
"Doctor" she said, "vou must take
woman away ; 6he b a drunkard and
thief."
"She may, perhaps." the doctor re
plied, " take a drop of brandy now and
But remember what fatiirue slm
undergone in sitting up with you."
Well, but, doctor," said Mrs. DeGrey,
she is a thief " I saw her yesterday put
soup into a bottle and hide it in her
pocket.- She did not know I saw her."
the face of the Magnificent for a mo
exhibited great agitation. " If this
true," he said, " I will take her away,
send you another on whom I can de
The Colonel spoke of fresh air for
; do you think you are strong enough
travel? He gave me some directions
that"
I don't think I could. He surely did
mean me to go before he came back."
He left you entirely in mv lunula.
I must make you well, as I said I
would"
"Not before he comes back, at any rate.
doctor."
Verv welL "said he, resumine his ruff
manner, " people always know better than
doctors. Good-by ; I shall see you
The next day, in the pump-room
She is off, I assure you," said Mr. Hen
shaw, a dyspeptic barrister, with the
of a viper; "she has gone this
morning, ami so has hermirse, and no one
where, excepting that the Magnifi
is gone also."
Who told vou? How do vou know?"
half a dozen tongues at once.
l snail not give up my authority, 1 can
to
to
see
if
'
-
but
is
sank
ago.
but
me
who
the
her.
"
there.
the
"
I
my
the
dealt
nearly
seize
a
"
have
will
the
are
and
until
to
new
"
At
last
may
better
"
the
had
failed.
Airs,
of
family.
assure you ; but if you step out to Pros
pect Villa, you will find it to be true."'
" I don't believe a word of it," aid Sir
Bernard Brand, a stout supporter of Le
noir, who had cured him by making him
drink lemonade instead of port; "I don't
believe a word of it It's some of that
humbug Heathcote's nonsense."
But when the whist-tables were set Tor
the evening, behold the tale was true, and
the universal community of Bath were
ringing with it! But to the still greater
astonishment of every one, there was the
Magnificent, looking more magnificent
than ever, seated in his accustomed place,
and glancing benignly from under his
swarthy eye-brows.
" Magnificent," said nenshaw, " have
you heard what people are saying?"
" Yes, Henry, I have heard it"
' Well, what is the story ?". .
" They say you are not to have that place
in the Customs, because you can't keep a
secret"
. Henshaw's face grew livid, for the place
in the Customs was life or death to him,
although he thought no one knew of it
-II ptscfccU Up Geuratre-, riowerer. and re
torted : " They want to know what you
have done with Mrs. DeGrey."
- "I believe Mrs. DeGrey has gone to the
country for her health. . Of course, CoL
DeGrey is the best authority on that sub
ject"
" Lenoir," I donbt not you are a villain,"
said a voice behind him ; and, turning
round, he saw Dr. Heathcote. " I have
just seen the Colonel, and he is raging at
the disappearance of his wife. He says she
went away last night, and no one knows
where. He was on his way to your house
when I met him."
"Dr. Heathcote, you jog-trot practition
ers judge by the most superficial symp
toms," said Lenoir, iu the loftiest tone. " I
shall see the Colonel if he has returned,
and to-morrow I shall take occasion to re
quest an explanation of the epithets which
you have used, and tne impert inent sug
gestions of the little lawyer." '
" Meantime, with your leave, I shall fin
ish my rubber."
But the party broke up and declined to
finish the rubber, and the Magnificent
took his hat and walked slowly from the
room. His faction retired home in great
discomfiture.
Meanwhile CoL DeGrey, in the great
est perturbation, having found his wife
gone on his return, and no trace of her,
went on to the house of Dr. Lenoir.. It
was a large, gloomy mansion, with high
walls, and surrounded by trees; a dim,
flimmering light shone over the doorway,
'he Colonel's knock was not answered at
once, and he thought he heard a window
open and shut. At last the door was
opened by a thick-set, powerful man with
one eye. . '
"Is Dr. Lenoir at home?" said the
ColoneL
"Yes, sir," said the man, "be kind
enough to walk in."
Colonel Ueurey entered and followed
the man upstairs. He thought he heard
the outer door locked as he went up.
He was ushered into a strange-looking
room, with very little furniture, and a
window at the roof, so high as to be be
yond reach. The moment he was in the
room the door was violently shut and
he was left in absolute darkness.
He rushed to the door, raged and
stormed, bellowed at the top of his voice,
but no answer was returned. Half an
hour had elapsed, and at last a trap in the
ceiling opened, and a light appeared
through it
" The master be cooin !" said a voice.
" You scoundrel, you and your master
shall pay for this !"
" The master be coom. Wilt go quoit
ly?" Another volley of wrath was about to
escape from his lips, when he bethought
him that his better plan would be at: least
feign submission.
" I shall be glad to tell your master
what a blackguard he is. I shall do that
quietly enough."
tin this assurance tne trap was closed ;
and in a few minutes the same one-eyed
man, with a companion of equal strength,
opened the door and invited the Colonel
emerge. .,
He saw at once that he would have no
chance in a struggle, and determined to
the matterout resolving to use violence
he could not otherwise escape.
Passing through a narrow winding pas
sage, a door opened, and he was ushered
into a well-furnished sitting-room, and
there, seated in an easy chair, was the im
perturable Magnificent
The door was closed behind him, and
looking round, he could not have told
where it was. "
Lenoir motioned to him to sit down ;
giving no heed to the invitation, he
exclaimed .
" What is the meaning of this infamous
conduct ? Where am I "
" In a mad-house," said the doctor, com
posedly. ' . ' -
"And on what pretense have yon de
coyed me here, you scoundrel, and where
my wife ?"
Don't you think," rejoined the Mag
nificent, in the same tone, " that should
your wife die, you had better be mad for a
little?" -
" What on earth do you mean !" said the
ColoneL But his face blanched, and he
into a seat. - . v .
" Col. DeGrey, I knew yon a long time
Do you remember Dr. Gerommo
Spiretti at Padua?"
" Gracious God !" said the Colonel.
" I was his assistant when you studied
poison under him. I was a lad of sixteen,
you have not changed. Now you
Know alt
The wre'tched man for a moment nearly
fainted. Ho tried to speak, but could
make no articulate sound.
"Don't glance at the poker. Killing
would be your own death. - Listen :
"I knew you from the first, and I mis
trusted you from the first and but for the
sweet woman who is linked to you and
still trusts you, you should have met
doom you deserve, as far as I am con
cerned. But to expose you would kill
I was certain, from Dr. Heathcote's ac
count, how the matter stood. I knew you
would discontinue the doses while I was
Y'ou thought that was the cause of
recovery, and did not thing of Spi
retti's antidote.
I knew the attempt would begin when
whs absent The nurse brought me the
poisoned soup. I have had it analysed in
presence by two careful chemists, and
analysis, and thesubject of it are so be
stowed Drop that I " he thundered, and
DeGrey such a blow on the arm as
fractured it He had attempted to
the poker. The pain of the blow was
intense for a moment, but Lenoir gave him
glass of brandy, and proceeded : .
Your wife is where none of Spiretti's
recipes will reach her. She believes you
sent her there, and is content You
now write two letters before you leave
room. One to tell your wife that you
obliged to go abroad for two months,
requesting her to remain where she is
your return ; the other to request me
attend her during her absence at her
residence.
I shall send the two children to her.
the end of two months, unless the
dose was too strong for her shattered
system, she will be quite well, and you
rejoin her. Until that time you had
be absent
One word more. You how know that
Insurance Company, fn which you
that policy on your wife's life, has
Perhaps you do not know that
ueiirey lias succeeded to an annuity
300 a year from an old friend of the
in
is
a
say
he
a
us
"
"
to
fell,
see
to
near
"
not
"
you
"
the
see
"
of
as
holei
"You stay here for a week, then go
quietly to Paris ; but, mark ; if your wife
dies in any circumstances of mystery,
whether I am alive or dead, retribution
will hunt you to the ends of the earth."
" But Virgiuie the nurse ?" stammered
the self-convicted wretch.
" Virginic knows nothing excepting that
she did what she was told. She has done
stranger things than that without ever
asking for reasons. She will never open
her li ps on the subject. You are perfectly
secure, ior tne chemists had no idea on
what their experiments were made."
? Next day the Magnificent was in his
place in the pump room as usual.
iien looked shy at him, and women
looked sly. He was as cool aud lofty as
ever.
He waited until the room was full, and
then, taking an opportunity when Heath
cote aud Uunshaw were close to him, he
caueu out, " blx. ilensbaw."
Ho took no notice. He repeated his
call with the same effect. Lenoir took two
strides toward him, and fining him by his
SQOuiders, placed him with his back to
the pillar, and then said :
i. "Too preatimed yesterday to make re
marks dispimiging'to a lady. - Y'ou will be
kind enough now to retract them, or I
promise to kick you from one end of this
room to the other.
Pale and affrighted was the little law
yer; but Dr. Heathcote interposed .-
" Dr. Lenoir, this must not be ; I was
tne accuser yesterday, and you must first
deal with we."
" True, my dear Heathcote, but I mean
to deal with each alter their kind. You
are a gentleman and a man of honor, and
as such I intend to treat you. Read that
Dr. Heathcote read, to his intense as
tonishment, the following note :
Bath. Anff. 1. 17tt-
Mt Sear Lmoin: As I am oblieed to go to the
Continent for two months, 1 hope yon will allow
ma to leave Mrs. DeGrey nnder your charm,
should she at her present residence require yonr
uviee. iuiub, kij irmj,
F. DiGeit,
"Read it out, doctor," said Lenoir, and
the bewildered man obeyed.
"Now, you slanderous little toad, eat
up your calumnies on the spot !" said Le
noir to the lawyer.
" I am sure I meant nothing," said he,
" I will make you repent these words. "
" Eat them up, I say, for the last time !"
and terribly he looked down upon Hen
Shaw.
The latter quailed. " I admit, " he said,
tney turned out not to be true.
" And ought not to have been spoken.
" Go, then and be warned."
"You will hear from me to-morrow,
however, for all this. "
" I think not " said Lenoir, when he had
gone. And he did not, for the purveyor of
scandal thought better ot it, and trans
ferred his attentions to Scarborough.
"And now, Dr. Heathcote, I presume you
retract tnat epithet which you used yester
day? I admit appearances were against
me, but a true physician distrusts appear
ances.
"I forgive the banter, and cheerfully
retract the expression ; but after what the
Colonel said, hang me, doctor, if I knew
L . . . i . i
WMUb IU UI lb.
"I never supposed you did." said Le
noir; and the Magnificent reigned in Bath
ior many years atterwara.
1 he gap in the story you may fill up as
suits you best Lenoir, in his trip to Lon
don, had consulted his solicitor, who told
the story to my late master. The cautious
London lawyer told Lenoir he might be
hanged for compounding felony; and Le
noir toia mm ne might be banged ior his
advice.' The annuity was, the solicitor be
lieved, provided for Lenoir himself; and
the surmise was, either that he was in love
with the lady, or that he knew more of
her history than he chose to explain or
probably both. The Colonel and Mrs.
DeGray never visited Bath again ; but the
annuity was paid for many years afterward,
the Colonel probably being as anxious to
Keep ins wife alive as be had been to de
stroy her; and she, poor thing, with the
constancy and credulity of women, rejoic
ing in her inmost soul at the increased ten
derness ot ner husband.
of
A Panning Judge.
LippineolC Magazine has the following
account oi tne facetious sayings of J udge
Richard Peters, of Philadelphia:
It was as a punster that Peters was most
widely known, great as was his reputation
more important respects. Men love to
laugh, and he who induces them to do so
much surer of a kindly place in their
recollections than any mover of their other
emotions
there can be no doubt tnat the sign
which Peters hung from his office win
dow on beginning his professional career,
T?ilar1 Potoro Jt ttsirnotr.af.la vr Tlnal-
ness done here at half-price: N. B. Half-
done," a capital sign, by the way, for all
half-price places had the effect of tick
ling more tees out of passing pockets than
could have been secured by more serious
means.
Peters was colleagucd on the bench with
Justice Washington, of the Supreme Court,
quiet, severe man, of whom he used to
that Bro. Washington was the strict
Judge, while he was the dw-trict Judge.
Justice Washington was iu the habit of
delivering the opinions ot the Court, and
was, moreover, noted for a very vigorous
appetite two fXcts which caused his asso
ciate to call him the mouthpiece of the
court
A superlative spinner of naval yarns, on
returning from a curise, assured a festive
assemblage, of whom the Judge was one,
he had encountered a soap island,
which he elaborately described. When
had finished, the Judge blandly request
ed to be informed if the making of that
island didn't require a great deal of lie ?
At an agricultural dinner he entertained
countryman of more candor than cour
tesy by telling extraordinary stories ; and
when he paused, the man shouted, " Tell
some more of your 'tarnal lies!"
A neighbor who kept a noisy pack of
hounds, once complained of suffering from
ague. "Bless my soul!" he exclaimed,
can't you cure it with all that bark ?"
At the trial of some pirates in South
Carolina, the District Judge acquitted
them for want of a comma in the law:
So for want of a comma," said he, " the
doings of the rascals will never be brought
a full stop."
One of the members of the State Legis
lature, when the Judge was Speaker
thereof, in crossing the hall tripped and
on which, of course, the legislators
into a laugh.
"Order, order, gentlemen; don't you
that a member is on the floor ?" This
rebuke of the Judge did not restore them
gravity.
Once when the Judge was standing
La : Fayette, a young military
officer, in addressing the latter, exclaimed,
Sir, although we were not born to par
tike of your revolutionary hardships, yet
should our country be attacked, we will
fail to tread in tho shoes of our fore
fathers." No, no." Interrupted the Judge ; " that
can't do, for they fought barefooted."
"Why don't you buy land in North
Carolina?" asked a friend of the Judge.
I'd rather buy it in the moon," was
reply, " for then I might sometimes
my purchase."
up
to
her
her
on
I
in
her
rest
b
The
tors,
tice
he
came
day
to
had
not
tne
bors
out
ising
dient
for
Tub following is from the will of a mar
iner of Bristol, England, proved 1795 :
My executors to pay, out of the first
moneys collected, to my beloved wife, if
one shilling, which I give as a token
my love, that she may buy hazel nuts,
know she is better pleased with crack
ing them than she is with mending the
in her etockingi. "
cows
said
made
milk
ery
the
and
stools
pails
in
his
good
A
either
many
asked
Jake's
A
willed
nailed
loft
Tale of the Four Deaf Men.
A deaf shepherd was one day tending
his noca near nis own village, andlnouga
it was almost noon, his wife had not yet
brought him his breakfast He was afraid
to leave his sheep to go in quest of it, lest
ome accident should befall them. Hut
his hunger could not be appeased ; and
upon looking around, he spied a laUnynn,
or village hind, who had come out to cut
grass for his cow near a neighboring
spring. He went to call him, though very
reluctantly, because he knew that, though
these servants of the village are set as
watchmen to prevent theft, yet they are
great thieves themselves, lie hailed him,
however, and requested him to give an eye
to his flock for t lie short time he should be
absent and that he would not forget him
wnen ne returned irom breaKlast.
But the man was as deaf as himself, and
mistaking his intentions, he angrily asked
the shepherd, " What right have you to
take this grass, which I have had the trou
blc to cut ? Go about thy business, and
let me alone !" The deaf shepherd ob
served the repulsive gestures of the hind,
which he took for a signal of acquiescence
in his request, and therefore briskly ran
toward the village, fully determined to
give his wife a good lesson for her neg
lect But when he approached his house,
he saw her before the door, rolling in vio
lent pain, brought on by earing over night
too great a quantity of raw green peas.
Her sad condition, and the necessity he
was under to provide breakfast for him
self, detained the shepherd longer than he
wished, while the small confidence he had
in the person with whom he left his sheep,
accelerated bis return to tne utmost
Overioved to see his flock peaceably
feeding near the spot where he left them.
he counted them over and found there was
not a single sheep missing: "He is an
honest fellow, quoth he, this lalaiyan :
the very jewel of his race! I promised
him a reward, and he shall have it 1 here
was a lame beast in the flock, well enough
in other respects, which he hoisted on his
shoulders, and carried to the place where
the hind was, and courteously offered him
the mutton, saying
" You have taken great care of my sheep
during my absence, lake this one lor
your trouble. "
"I ! " says the deaf hind, " I break your
sheep's legs ! I'll be han ged if I went near
your flock since you have been gone, or
stirred irom tne place wnere 1 now am.
1 es. said the shepherd, " it is a good
and fat mutton, and will be a treat to you
and your lamily or friends.
Have 1 not tofd thee, replied the lal
aiyan in a rage, that 1 never went near
thy sheep ! And yet thou wilt accuse me
oi breaaing that one s leg. Uet about thy
business or 1 will give thee a good beat
ing! "
And, by gestures, he seemed determined
to put his threat in execution. The aston
ished shepherd got into a passion also and
assumed a posture of defiance. They were
just proceeding to blows, when a man on
norsebacK came up. lo him tney both
appealed to decide the dispute between
them; and the shepherd, laying hold of
tne bridle, requested the horseman to
alight just a moment, and to settle the
difference between him and the beggarly
Talaiyari. " I have offered him a present
of a sheep, says he, ' because 1 thought
ne nad done me a service ; and, in requital
he will knock me down." The villager
was at the same tune preferring his com
plaint, that the shepherd would accuse
him of breaking the leg of his sheep, when
he had never been near his flock.
The horseman, to whom they both ap
pealed, happened to be as deaf as thev:
anu did not understand a word that either
them said. But seeing them both ad
dressing him with vehemence, he made a
sign for them to listen to him, and then
frankly told them that he confessed the
horse he rode on was not his own. " It
was a stray that I found on the rood,"
quoth he, "and being at a loss, I mounted
him for the sake of expedition. If he be
yours, take him. If not, pray let me pro
ceed, as i am really in great haste.
The shepherd and the village bird, each
imagining that ths horseman had decided
favor of the other, became more violent
than ever; but accusing him whom they
nau taxen ior their judge oi partiality.
At this crisis, mere happened to come
an aged Brahman. Instantly they all
crowded around him : shepherd, Talaiyari,
and horseman; each claiming his inter
position, and a decision in his favor. All
spoke together ; every one telling his own
tale. But the Brahman had lost his hear
ing also. " I know," said he, " you want
compel me to return home to her "
(meaning his wife) ; " but do you know
character? In all the legions of the
wic&ed ones, 1 defy you to hnd one that is
equal in wickedness. Since the time I
first bought her, she has made me commit
more sins than it will be in my power to
expiate in thirty generations. I am going
a pilgrimage to nasi (ttenares), wnere
will wash mvself from the innumerable
crimes I have been led into from the hour
which I had the misfortune to make
my wife. Then will I wear out the
of my days on alms in a strange
land."
While they were all four venting their
exclamations, without hearing a word, the
horse stealer perceived some people ad
vancing toward them with great speed.
Fearing they might be the owners of the
iast, he dismounted and took to his heels.
shepherd, seeing it was growing late,
went to look after his flock ; pouring out
maledictions, as he trudged, on all arbitra
and bitterly complaining that all jus
had departed from the earth. Then
bethought himself rif a snake that had
crossed his path in the morning, as he
out of the shcepfold, and which
might account for the troubles he had that
experienced. The Talaiyari returned
his load of grass, and, finding the lame
sheep there, he took it on his shoulder, to
punish the shepherd for the vexation he
given him, and the aged Brahman
pursued his course to a choultry that was
tar off. A quiet night and sound sleep
soothed his anger in part, and, early in
morning, several Urahmans, his neigh
and relations, who had traced him
persuaded him to return home, prom
to enjraee his wife to be more obe
and less quarrelsome. Good Word
the Young.
Milkeso Tubes. A writer in the
Prairie Farmer cautions all persons
against using quills for drawing milk from
: " Forty or more years ago a boy,
to have been below par in intellect,
the wonderful discovery that the
would run out or a cow s udder by
inserting straws in the teats. 1 he discov
"went the rounds of the papers,' and
result was that many of the lazy boys
some others were sitting on their
and seeing the milk run into the
through straws, quills and tin tubes,
about two months the papers had to
chronicle facts like these : ' Mr. A. has had
valuable cow ruined by having been
milked with straws ;' 'Mr. B. has had a
cow nearly spoiled by having been
iniiKcd with tin tubes,' etc., etc
citizen of a Western State was
boasting that in his town there wasn't
a doctor, a lawyer, or a town clergy
man, and only one rum-seller. " How
inhabitants are there altogether?"
a bystander. " Well," was the re
ply, " there's only my family and brother
and Jake is the rum-seller.
RELieiocs fanatic in Germany has
that his body bo embalmed and
to a cross, and placed in the organ
of the church. This done the church
receives sixty-eight thousand guldens.
ed
at
the
ent
it,
ne
beer
was
the
So,
it,
ry
-
you
not
tne
is
I
Youths' Department.
THE NICE LITTLE PRESENT.
Can yon des what my papa did brln me to-rlsrht f
You mizht den yois of thins, but you wouldn't
6er rii'ht.
OI I do not believe dat yon could dess.
now. H 1 was a aerl, you would ray a new dess.
Hut as 1 am a boy, and dust four years old.
Do yon think. yon could dess, if you never was
toia i
Key are not velly Ion. and not velly short.
em aey are tne nicest dat ever was Dousnt,
Dey are black as can be, have yittle yed tops.
And the yed betrins jnst where the black stops.
Per have two little heels, and two fnnnv ears.
And sometimes dey rqneaks so that all the folks
neaxs.
Dey were de nicest my papa could det ma,
would seep in them if mamma would yet me,
I s'pose she ynd say Hwasa velly bad plan.
o I II teep my eyes ogien e'long as 1 can.
And of all mv presents 'tis dis one dat suits.
These dear ylttle suueakv, yittle red-top boots.
I'll help my dear mamma, and I'll rock de baby,
I'll he ever so dood, and den some time, may be.
ii ne mazes yois o money, my near papa mient
Pet some squeakier boots dan he dot me to-night.
For of all de music 'tis d is kind that suits.
De bid squeak dat comes out of de new pair of
oooia. juuion journal.
A Bit of Astronomy.
I bcspect that not one child in fifty,
under twelve years of age, could tell me
exastly how any one knows that the moon
is really larger than a soup plate, or
whether it is as far or farther away than
Boston.
Now don't shrug your pretty shoulders,
and laugh, and say I must be cray to
think you don't know that It is not so
easy a matter to know many things just
right ; and I hope you will not say one
boastful word about your knowledge of
the subject, until you have thought it over
carefully, and seen how much you really
know certainly. Wise men are very cau
tious indeed, and know what they say, and
the reason for it
No one ever comes from the moon coun
try, to give us descriptions of it, and one
has a great deal of trouble in studying it
since he cannot go there. The "man in
the moon" is not at all social, either, in his
ways, as you know, and I never heard of
anyone getting any sort of information
out of his ugly mouth. We have to learn
things the best way we can, all by our
selves, one thing at a time, and that often
a very long time. I will tell you to-day
about the size of the moon, aud how men
are able to find out exactly what its size
is.
The moon is a globe, whose diameter is
two thousand miles; about one-fourth of
that of the earth.
Now, how," do you ask, can one know
that?"
There is a method something like this ;
Let us take, for example, a cent piece,
which measures about an inch in diameter.
and let it be placed between the eye and
the moon, at any distance from the eye. It
will be found on the first trial, that the
coin will appear larger than the moon ; it
will, in fact, completely conceal the moon
from the eye, and produce what we may
call a total eclipse of the moon. Let the
coin be moved farther from the eye, and it
will then appear smaller, and will seem to
grow less in size as its distance from the
eye is increased. Let it be removed until
it seems exactly to cover the moon, and
neither more nor less.
If the distance from the coin to the eye
be measured, it will be found to be about
ten feet or one hundred an twenty inches.
or, what is the same, two hundred and
forty half inches. But it is known that
the distance from the moon to the earth is
about two hundred and forty thousand
miles ; so that it follows in this case that
one thousand miles in the moon's distance
is exactlj what half an inch is in the coin's
distance.
Now you all understand, I suppose, how,
in geography, you measure a country on a
map, when you know the scale of the
map ; if, for instance, you have the map of
Illinois before you, made on a scale of
buy miles to an men, and end, by measur
ing, that there are about two inches of the
map from Chicago westward to the limits
of the State, you would at once be able to
say that the real distance between those
points must be about two times fifty, or
about one hundred miles.
Now, in the case of measuring the dis
tance across the moon's disc with the coin.
we have found the scale to be half an inch
to one thousand miles ,- since, then, the
coin measures two half inches in diame
ter, the moon must measure two times one
thousand miles, or two thousand miles in
diameter. Little Corporal.
"
"
do
A Bit of Astronomy. That Egg Story.
CrtARLBS Lakb once wrote a very amus
ing treatise upon "Popular Fallacies," in a
vein of facetiousness foreign to my pres
ent purpose.
Consider, seriously, the vast amount of
good logic that is thrown away because of
false premises. For how many centuries
ships were built on the most absurd
models, because somebody had said that it
was easier to draw a tapering log through
the water " butt end foremost !"' Nobody
saw fit to question the statement, and
therefore all vessels were built with the
broadest part near the bow. Finally some
original thinker in our own day tried an
experiment; and lo, the log towed easier
point foremost!
Which of my readers believes that an
egg can be made to stand on end ?
" O," you respond in one breath, " we
have read history, and know how Colum
bus put this question, and how he convey
an idea by his mode of answering it"
But, my dear Young Folks, an egg can be
made to stani on one end, upon a polished
glass plate or other smooth surface, by
simple balancing.
borne eegs are much more difficult to
put in position than others ; but I never
failed to accomplish it in any instance.
Every one of you can do the same. The
only secret is that all the fingers and
thumbs that touch the egg must leave it
the same instant Observe this, and
with a little perseverence you will invari
ably succeed.
I was first shown this by an Italian dis
tiller, on the remote sugar estate of San
Francisco Xavier, at the northern foot of
Cuzco Mountains, in the Island of
Cuba. When he stated that he could
make an eeg stand on end. all of us pres
laughed at him, and began to talk of
Columbus.
Ah yes," said he, " ta com ie Colon"
that matter of Columbus ; " but I can do
and you can do it It is a little thing,"
continued, but 1 nave drank much
with this," meaning that every one
ready to bet upon the impossibility of
undertaking.
Nevertheless he did it, and we all did it.
my young friends, you may set about
with perfect faith in your success.
Moral : be careful how you accept a
maxim until you have proved it Oar
Young t'ulke.
I
of
ed
now
has
Old,
four
the
can
his
W.
True Reason for Being Honest.
' Hojhesty ia the best policy " said Har
aloud ; " and I mean always to be hon
est" "What does policy mean?" asked his
sister Ada, looking up from her book.
"Why this," replied the boy, "that if
are always honest, even though it may
seem the wisest thing for yourself at
lime, vou will get best ott in the
end."
" I don't think," replied his sister" that
a good reason ; because if you saw dis
honest people geting on better for a long
time, you would, perhaps, get tired of
waiting for the time to come when you
half
ratio
have
would be the heat off' and hetn'n to bS
dishonest too."
Ada Is ri?ht " aM hn mamma Knk
into the room ; 1 be honest because it ia
right, my son; that is the only safe rea
son, lry to please God. whether nv
gain comes from it or not; you will not be
able to see how doing the right thing ia
profitable in a temporal point of view J
but it will matter little, when vou come to
die, whether you have been be6toff in this
world or not" '
"I thank you, mamma," said Harry.
'In future I will endeavor to do right be
cause it is right, and is pleasing to God,
whether it seems to my advantage or not
The Little Loaf.
In a time of famine a rich man sent for
the poorest children in the town and said
to them :
"There is a basket full of bread ; you
may each come every day and take a loaf
until it pleases God to send better times."
The children attacked the basket, and
disputed as to which should have the larg
est loaf, and then went away without once
thanking their benefactor.
Only r ranees, a very poor but cleanly
eirl, modestly remained behind and had
the smallest loaf which was left in the
basket She gratefully returned thanks
and went home quietly. One day the
children behaved very badly indeed, and
poor Frances received a loaf very much
smaller than the rest but when she took
it home and her mother cut it open, a
number of pieces of silver fell on the
floor.
The poor woman was astonished and
said.
" Go and return this money immediate
ly, it must have been put in the bread by
mistake."
Frances went directly with it to the
gentleman, who said :
" My dear child, it was no mistake. - I
had the money put into that loaf to re
ward you. Remain always as peaceable
and contented. Those who are satisfied
with a little always bring bleasings upon
themselves and family, and will pass hap
pily through the world. Do not thank
me, but thank GodV who put into your
heart the treasure of a contented and grate
ful spirit, and who has given me the will
and opportunity to be useful to those who
are in need of assistance. " - :
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
Toilers of the See Opticians.
Vegetalz Philosophy Sage advice.
A Precious Volume A bank book.
Light Employxest Building castles
in the air.
It is more diffiult to manage riches well
than to acquire them. , .
A Hard Case The house the poor
snail is compelled to live in.
A cofish breakfast and an India-rubber
coat will keep a man dry all day.
In the height of prosperity prepare for
adversity, by insuring in the Mutual Life,
of Chicago.
It is suggested that the first piece of
music performed by Adam must have
been " warblings at Eve."
Foresight is the right eye of Provi
dence, and Providence dictates Life In
surance. Insure in the Washington.
The epicurean who made a dessert of
the fruits of an enterprise picked his
teeth with the point of a joke.
The only manufactory of hairpins in
the United States turns out fifty tons of
those useful articles per month.
At what time of life may a man be said
to belong to the vegetable kingdom?
When long experience has made him
sage.
Scejte nr Chicago. "Is Mrs. Smith at
home ?" " No ; but walk in. She has just
stepped out to get a divorce, and will be
back in in a few moments."
A shodpt woman, who returned from
Europe with some paintings, was asked if
they were landscapes. She said, "No,
over one-half of them are water-scapes.?
" Wht dont you take your seat at thv
bar?" asked a lawyer of a client, the other
day. " My father always advised me to
keep out of bad company," replied the
other.
The family of Mr. Ansel 'Gammon, of
New Vineyard, Me., consisting of twelve
sons and four daughters, weighs 3,140
pounds. The boys average 195 and the
girls 200 pounds,
" Mr dear," said a husband to his wife,
I'm going to start a coffee plantation."
How'll you get the land?" " Oh, there's
no trouble about that; I always have
plenty of coffee ground in my cup."
A convict in the Windsor, Vt, State
prison has recently constructed a box one
toot in length, six inches wide and five
inches deep, composed of 2,800 pieces, his
only tool being a jack-knife.
A New Jersey inventor has fixed up a
way of dressing linen thread to imitate
natural hair so perfectly that It is almost
impossible to detect it as artificiaL When
our laities- have their heads shod with this1
material, no matter what the color may be
they will all be flaxen haired.
Talleyrand used to be worried about
his autograph, and to one of his persecut
ors he thus wrote : , " Will you oblige mr
with your company to dinner on Wednes
day next, at 8 o'clock? I have invited a
number of exceedingly clever persona, and
not like to be the only fool of the lot"
A man, praising porter, said it was so
excellent a beverage, that it always made
him fat "I have seen the time, said
another, "when it made you lean." "When,
should like to know ?'r said the eulogist
"Why no longer ago than last night,
against the walL"
A Frenchman at Sheldon, Vt, who
the employ of the railroad company
because of the danger to his life, and com
menced working from house to house, was
instantly killed a few days after, by a frag
ment of a log exploded by powder, in a lot
adjoining that in which he was sawing
wood. He leaves a wife and two children.
The entire population of Ohio, accord
ing to the recent census, is 2,655,012, and
this number 2,029,753 are native born.
and 373,250 foreign born. There are
601,735 white persons in the State, and
63,267 colored persons, including Indiana.
One man is returned as a Chinaman, nam
Daniel Webster, born in Alabama.
Going to Propose.
Be went np town to-day, girls,
With a very business air;
He'd oiled up his mustache, girls.
And parted well his hair;
Something's in the wind, girls,
W hichover way it blows ;
And I'll tell you what it Is, girls
lie's going to propose.
i
Sometimes he's confidential.
And says Maria's fair.
And praises Bessie's hazel eyes.
And Jennie's dowing hair;
Says Alice is aneelic, too.
Admires Lucinda's nose;
1 knew how it would end, girls
lie's going to propose.
There is said to be a man 67 years old,
living in Chester County, Pa, who
been blind since he was seven years
and who can find his home among the
trees on Welsh Mountain at any time
without aid from anyone ; who can pass
from one place to another for a distance of
or five miles in his own neighbor
hood; knows the different residences of
neighbors as soon as he approaches
them; knows the voices of his acquaint
ances, and in many instances their foot
steps; can tell different kinds of timber;
make a shaking fork, broom, or axe-handle ;
hang an axe, and can chop wood, and
done with his day's work will hide
axe, and return to the woods on the
following day and find it .
Americas Newspapers. CoL John
Forney said, at a dinner given in his
honor : " In 1370 we count fifty-five hun
news periodicals of all degrees, with
probable annual circulation of not less
seven hundred and twenty-five mil
lions. Of those, four hundred and seventy-five
are dailies, circulating nearly two
millions of copies every twenty-iour
hours, one hundred and sixty are agricul
tural journals, circulating over half a mil
lion; and about three hundred religious
periodicals, circulating over two and a
million of copies of each edition an
aggregate, without counting our monthly
literature, larger than the rest of the civil
ized world. In fifty years, when our popu
lation shall have attained, on the present
of increase, to one hundred and fifty
millions, the boy of seventeen to-day will
a far different story to telL"

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