Newspaper Page Text
TILE OHIO DEMOCRAT, LOGAN, OHIO, SATURDAY, MAY 7. 1892. THE OHIO DEMOCRAT. tOOKU, OHIO. RHODA RAQLAND. Twits tho morning after Shlloh, 'Wny ilown In Tcnncneo, I was crulsln' round among the woods- A friend of mine and mo, Whrn I weed a llttlo maiden Wlio wns scttln' on a gun, That was busted at tho nozzla From the work that It had don. Che had throw'd a bit of hannoi Acrosl her golden head, An' when I niked her for ber name, She laughed nnd then sho said; I "My name Is Khoda Itaglan', An I'm w altln', don't you see, For ji ippy dear to como back hore, W U houipcn good for mo." -We us llvln' In tho c.ihln, In the clnrln' over thar, Wh ir tlw llttlo click went rattlln' by So sparHIn' on' co clar. Hut now tho water's muddy, An' ll bloody, an' tho banks 1 tr.impl"(t, nn' my posies Is Jest lUlncd by them Yunlcs. "My pippy was a shootln' For the southern side, you sec, An liHHir.ingc that he don't come back hero Wlf Aompcn good for mo. I'm gcttln' Jest ns Inw ngry As I've hardly e er been, An tho way my pappy stajs away Is mighty nigh a sin. "Our cabin's full of hurled men. They groaned tho worstestway They m hurtcd In tho battlo With we'mis yesterday An' tucr arm an' legs u blecdln'. It .us slch er awlul sight, 1 illdn t sli-cp a llttlo wlnlc Thel olongulght. "!So I e come, good Mr. Yankee, To wjlt fur p ippy here, M mother went awivy to God, Last winter wns a year. An we was llvin' all nlono In the cabin over thar, A'l why he don't como back to mo 1 lliink It's monstrous quar." She was a pooty llve-ycar-old, WUh ejes of deepest blue, An Uossv curls an' dimpled cheeks, V ith rcM h In 'em too. I had some llttlo kills at homo, Jut like this battlo waif, And now I lhanked tho Lord abovo - That they were well and safe, A mlnnlo ball had pierced my ann, That lay now In n sling, The hurt "as Just a llc-h-out, An the rln a smartish thing, Tiut I had grit it fairly ' Au nUnoughIKncw, The helplcw arm would take me homo Wi ihln a fay or two. So 1 plead vlth Ithoda Haglan' To go nlotr-i with me, An mnj be i c would find her pap Somewhar lu Tennessee. An yet I knfVd her father Was away 'jeyond llfo'3 ills, So I tuck her '-o Kentucky To my homi among the hills. " We raised hel Jest ns good an' true, As ef she'd t-cen our own, IJlood of mine and mother's, And bone of our bono. An she's been us good a daughter As any of the three. An u blessing to my homestead, An to mother an' to mo. She s thlrry-slx, or thereabouts, I c m't exactly tell llut she married In tho neighborhood, And married monjtrous well; An she's got a llttlo daughter, That prattles at my knee, An minds me heaps of Ithoda Down at Shlloh don't you see. Will L. Vlsscher, in Banner of Gold. T tho breaking out of the civil war I was a mere hoy and our n o a re s t neighbor was a 11 o rid-f aced, lc i n d-hcartcd, generous old Quaker. I? o th he and his good wife had been ' reared in the south, and, after tho liberation of their blaves from a sense of duty, btill re tained enough to surround themselves nnd family with all tho comforts which tho people of their simple faith care to possess. In those days their great stone house vt ith its thick walls, broad -vcraudas and low windows met my Idea of the castles which were mixed up with my meager knowledge of medi eval tunes. Tho macadamized road that ran through tho farm was lined on cither side with locust trees that in the period of blooming mado the nir heavy with the perfume of the graceful white blossoms waving in a background of green that they almost concealed. A never-failing spring that bubbled up through moss-grown stone was embow ered in tho overhanging brandies of .trong-trunked weeping willows. The fircat front yard had its driveways cut through a rich sward and wound among towering maples. Tho garden had tho earliest, the latest and tho sweetest flowers. The stock was the fattest and the best cared for. Tho negroes who would not leave a kind master and mis tress found a life of comparative ease and plenty with them. Tho handsome old gentleman was "Grandpa Water m" to nil of us, and the wife, who al lowed no visiting boy or girl to depart without cookies, great mellow apples, mince pie, maple sugarcakes or some other evidence of a kindness that took all the world into her heart, was al ways "grandma." , No nobler couple ever trod the path way of life together and tho sorrows that cume upon them suggested to me as a boy the inscrutable ways of Provi dence, There were two sons in tho family, models of physical perfection and man ly courage. No handtomer could be found. They were over six feet tall, 3iad the light curly hair, the blue eyes and the fresh complexion so conspicu ous in men of Anglo-Saxon origin. 'They were highly educated, and idol ized, not only by the parents but by the four fair sisters and untold scores of other peoples' slbters. One had gone -west and soon established a popularity thai placed him in a responsible public position. The other had remained at lioine and relieved Grandpa Waterson of every business cure. The startling news of actlvo hostlll ties Hashed over the country Henry, the elder bon, resigned his ofllee and fcurpriscd us all by uppearlng one after noon without previous notice. Tho warm family greetings over, Henry called Ills brother out for a walk and forgetful that "llttlo pitchers havo cars," they allowed me to saunter along At the spring we all drunk and then followed a long tramp lu the shado nl Lliu locusts. I ulmn&t let out a shout flkf W fSire w VpaXZSL. of mingled terror and surprlso when I heard Henry say to Charles In the language they had always used at home: "Charles, I havo decided to enlist." "1 havo already dono so." "Thee can't mean It. Do father nnd mother know?" "I promised Ruth to tell them to-night. It's more terrible to me than tho dread of war," "Thee Is nearer to them than I,Charlcs. I will break the nows to father when wo get back. No ono can sootho mother or break tho news so gently ns ho. I am moro than sorry that thco has taken this step, for I enmo homo to prevent It. I wanted to make sure that ono son and ono brother would bo left. IJut It Is too late. 1 have consented to com mand a regiment of sharpshooters and cannot honorably disappoint them. I will have n gallant lot of boys at my back." Hero I broke away so full of impor tance that 1 ran at top speed. I was go ing to tell Grandma Waterson. I would not havo those two handsome fellows stopping bullets. Hut I met Lyditi, ns pretty a maiden as ever donned a drab dress or dropped a modest pair of eyes and called all her friends by their first names. "Lydln," I shouted between breaths, "Henry and Charlie aro going to enlist. It must bo stopped," but by that time the girl was pale as a ghost and leaning against the nearest tree. "Don't thco say another word," bho commanded, In a determined voice. "Not another word. This must como from brother Henry or brother Charles. Hut it will break mother's heart," and I joined Lydia in a hearty cry just out of sympathy. Only in after years did I learn what followed. Henry, in his manly, straight forward way, told his f athcr all. Plead ing, argument and persuasion on the patt of tho afflicted old man were in vain. It was contrary to the doctrine of non-resistance, a tenet of the church; it was raising tho hand of tho son against tho relatives who were left in tho south; but the brothers firmly clung to their determination, gently persisting and doing all possible to settle the poign ant grief thoy inflicted. Grandpa Water bon's lips quivered as he bade Henry good-by, and tho broken-hearted moth er clung to the neck of her eldest born until unconsciousness released her from tho pangs of actual parting. A few days later Charles rode forth on his own horse, a gallant black, of Kentucky lineage, and everybody agreed that no finer, braver boy would do battle for the union. He joined the Ringgold cavalry. Early in tho war he vt as left wounded on tho field and was kindly cared for by a southern family. His chief nurso was a pretty little rebel with &tfl, wavy hair, great brown eyes, inviting lips and a disposition as cheery ns the clear sunshine after an April shower. No woman had a right to re sist that big, brave, handsome follow, and there the union soldier was be trothed to the bewitching champion of secession. Then Annie, for that was her name, began to correspond with Ruth, and through this intangible link of connection the wholo family fell in love with the little confederate. Charles rejoined his troops as soon as able. After a desperate engagement his company was scattered and ho was hemmed in on every side except where the rugged mountains of Virginia towered up behind him. Holdly ho turned the black, went flying ovor foot pathb, leaping chasms and forcing his way whore few could follow. Rut there were bold mountaineers in tho chase and when they brought Charles to bay, tho gallant stand he made, drawing his saber when his revolvers were emptied, saved his lifo for the time. His desperate courage won tho heart of tho southei ners and they per sisted until he v as taken alive. He was sent to Libby, mado his es cape, went for days without food, and when at length ho found it, ate so much that death followed quickly upon the pangs of starvation. Henry's record was as brief as glori ous. His regiment worshiped him. No man of them, westerners though they were, could outrido or outshoot him. He led wherever ho asked his men to go. A giant in strength, he was a hero in courage. At Pleasant Hill, La., ho was shot from his horse but still fought on, and, after being fatally wounded, thrco of tho enemy bit tho dust before his hand dropped senseless to the ground. His I IIAVK DECIDED TO ENLIST. ' remains camo home, and never was brother, son and neighbor moro sincere ly mourned. Charley's story was never learned until after tho war. Hut now comes a sequel stranger than the story Itself. Grandpa Waterson and his wife had borne their sorrows with a fortitude that only people llko them can understand. They talked of their lost boys aud together found a grim pleasure in rovlowing tho child hood, tho youthful experiences nnd the manly qualities of the dead sons. Timo nnd timo havo I seen them at tho end of the front veranda, ovorgrown with hon eysuckles, sitting hand in hand talking of Henry and Charles. Ono day came a letter from Annie, announcing thuttho would visit tho Wa tcrsons. There wns great preparation, for sho would havo been Charles' wife hud he lived, nnd sho was dear to them in her own right, for sho had novor ceased to send thoso welcome letters, always bright and cheory save when Charles' futo forced its way into her thoughts. She enmo to a roynl welcome. I im agine now thut I was over-ofllclous in piloting her around, pointing out every thing Unit Charles wits ever associated with nnd giibblingaway nsaboy, whoso voico i.s nt tho hen-cackling stugo of ad vancement, will, "Thco Is a irrcat comfort to us, Grandpa Waterson used to say to Annio, and when grandma got her arms around tho pretty southerner, there was nl- ways a geutlo ltlss and a sweet voiced If hr 1 It 44 nssurunco that Annio wns just as dear as though she wero n daughter. Then came n surprlso In tho shape of a handsome, showy, bold-faced woman, who announced herself ns hnvlng been the nfllanecdof Col. Waterson, killed at Pleasant Hill. Sho had long moant to visit tho family and make hcrsolf known, but had not bcon ablo to do so. Col. Wntcrbon had loft everything to her, nnd she produced a will atthatlato day purporting to havo been mado by him. Sho was welcomed with old school courtesy, but there was n Rober look on every face that sho encountered. I called Annie out at once and held an indlgnntlon meeting. That woman was a fraud and I knew It. Henry wns not tho man to fall In lovo with any such bpcclmon of her sex. I dedicated my time wholly, then and there, to watch ing her movements nnd proving my opinion. The result will sufllco with out tho details of my detective work. Grandpa Wnterson's watch was missed. All of Annie's most valuablo jowolry disappeared and the adventuress com plained loud and often about robberies, charging that sho never could trust "niggers." Then grandma would gently If , Wi Tim mni:n cash: like a iiockkt. chide her, and say; "Thco should ret judge. All Ihcse people aro old friends of mine and faithful." The fraud would turn up her nose and put on a look of contempt that always bet me boiling. One day at the spring she leaned over to use tho clear water as a mirror, and from somewhere about her person dropped the big gold watch that Grand pa Waterson prized most as an heir loom. I had it in a twinkling and tho angry shouts of the woman only added to my speed. I told grandpa, told everybody. I wanted her arrested, but "Thee must leave this matter entirely to me," checked my ardor. "There must bo no talk," ho continued. "I will see that this woman leaves us. Don't plcnd for her, mother. I will only dismiss her, that is all." And ho did, after everythinghad been recovered and tho forged will de stroyed. IVo never heard of her ngain. The very next afternoon there was a great clatter of a horse's feet up the hard road. Tho rider came liko a rocket and wo all rushed to seo who it was. I think that everyone fainted bnt Annie and myself. She emitted some thing between a shriek and a gurgle, vaulted over tho veranda railing av.i landed right in tho arms of big, hand some Charley. He was alive. Ho was well. All that wo had heard was false. Ho hnd survived his sufferings after a long illness in the family of a poor but kind mountaineer, nnd there ho was, the picture of health, with Annio in his arms. I sprang into tho saddle with a maniacal yell. I got two llttlo darkeys on behind me. We tore over tho yard in wild delight and soon all the folks about tho farm wero shouting, crying and welcoming Massa Charles. "God bless thco, son," was all grand ma could say then, while tho good old gentleman blinked, tried to look calm us t-ho tears rolled down his checks and then he sobbed; "Charles, Henry's wish is fulfilled. Thee is loft to bless our old ago and tlieo has also brought us Annie." Detroit Free Press. ARRESTED FOR WHISTLING. Tho .Musical Workman Who Committed o Trensonublo Offense Amcricnns have little conception of what may constitute a treasonable of fense in somo of the countries of the old world which are still despotic and extremely military. There recently oc curred at Harr, in Alsace, a trial which must havo been very amusing to an American who might have witnessed it, if a man's liberty had not been in jeopardy. One day, not long ago, In the streets of Ilarr, a laborer, who was engaged in loading a wagon, whistled cheerfully at his work. As he was thus engaged, a gendarme or military policeman camo within hearing. Tho workman, ap parently x'reoceupied, kept on with his whistling. "I arrest you," said tho gendarme, coming up and putting his hand on tho workman's shoulder. "What for?" asked the man, aston ished. "For seditious whistling. You havo been whistling tho '-Marseillaise.'" The "Marscillaiso" being tho French national air, aud a revolutionary air be sides, is forbidden in German Alsace. Hut the workman exclaimed; "Oh, no, you aro mistaken I It Isn't tho 'Mar seillaise' at all that I am whistling, but the '-March of tho Hrunswiok Hussars.' I used to belong to tho Ilrunswlck Hussars, and that was our regimental tune!" Tho gendarme, who was a German, and thought lie knew ono tune from another, took tho workman under ar rest; and In duo time ho was brought into court charged with disloyalty in whistling a seditious air in a public place. Isoth tho gendarme nnd tho nccuscd told their stories very confidently, and as the workman was reputed nn honest and loyal man, tho court was very much perplexed between tho two men nnd tho two tunes. In thin predicament tho court ad journed to tho councilroom adjoining, mid callit'g in tho accused nud tho ac cuser in turn, mudu tho workman whistle tho "March of tho llruuswiuk Hussars" antl the gendurmo tho "Mar beillaiso." Each did his best, but tho tunes proved, in tho ear of tho court, to bo so much unlike that it wns regarded as improbable thnt tho gcndarino could havo been mistaken. Tho accused was, therefore, sent to prison, but his genernl bearing, aud 1 abovo nil, his cxcullcnt whistling, had affected tho court so favorably that hu was nentenced to only three days' lm prison tneut.- Youth's Companion. THAT BROTHER OF MINE. TVho Is It uomoi In llko a whirlwind, And closes tho door with a slam, And, beforo ho lias taken his hat off, Calls out for "omo bread and somo Jam!" Who Is It that whistles so loudly Ah ho works nt somo tangle of twins That will semi his kite up Into cloudlandf Why, of course, It's that brother of mine. Who Is it that, when I um wenry. His always n hole In his coat, A button to sow on lu u hurry, A sail to bo mado for boat? Who Is It that keeps In my baskot Ills marbles and long llshlng lino, And expects, undisturbed, thero to find thenar No one else but that brother of m I no. , Who Is It that tiptoes about softly Whenever I'm sick or In pain And Is every mlnuto forgetting And whistling some head-splitting strain? Who Is It that, when ho Is trying To bo Just as still us ho can, Is always most terribly noisy? Sly brother, of course he's tho man. ' Who Is It I'd rather havo by mo When lu need of u true, honest friend; Who Is It that I shall miss sadly When his boyhood has come to end? And when ho Is far from the old home, And I long for a gllmpso of sunshine, Whom, then, do you think I shall send for? Why. of course, for that brother of mine. Agnes L. 1'iatt, In Good Housekeeping. ADAM HOLCOMB'S WILL. A. Dood or Kindnosa Oamo of It. nnd What Adam llolcomb was dead nt last dead after seventy years of money getting, and the grave hud closed over him. He had no children, for ho hud led a single life, induced, so it was said, though nothing was certainly known, by an early disappointment which had warped his nature, and mado him load a solitary and selfish life, given up to Mummo.i alone. Adam llolcomb was dead, nnd as yet no ono knew what disposition he had made of his money. Three days after the funeral, the next-of-kin and possible heirs were col lected in the office of tho lawyer, who was the custodian of the will and pri vate papers of the deceased. Thoy wero few in numbers for tho family was not a large one. There were but three, and these thrco may bo briefly described. First came James llolcomb, a nephew of tho deceased, a vain, selfish, worldly man. all his thoughts centered upon himself and his own family who had never been known to give a penny for any charitable purpose. Next camo Harvey llolcomb, a cousin of the hist-nanied, and about the same He was tall, thin and angular. He belonged to tho legal profession, in which he had managed to pick up con siderable money, though his reputation was none of tho best. Ho was con sidered tricky, willing to undertake any cause, however disreputable, for money. He was married and had a family, for whom he provided in a grudging manner. He, too, had nourished sanguine hopeb of finding himself much better off after his uncle's death. Last came a young man, presenting a strong contrast to the other two. He was of light complexion, brown hair, clear blue eyes, and an attractive face, lie was barely twenty-five years of age, very plainly dressed, and with a modest manner which prepossessed ono in his favor. He wns tho son of old Adam Holcomb's youngest sister, who had married a poor minister, and hor son, Alfred Graves, was studying medicine, for which he had a decided predilection. Rut he had been cramped by narrow means, nnd was even now teaching in a country hcliool, hoping to obtain enough by this means to pay for his college course. He had applied to each of his two relatives present for a small tem porary loan, to help him complete his studies, but without effect. Ho had been curtly refused by both. Ho had. come hcrp to-day, as a matter of form, without the slightest expecta tion of benefiting by tha will of his late relative. Ho had known hlra but Blightly, and never received any encour agement upon which he could build a hope. Yet if he could but receive a leg acy of even threo hundred dollars, ho thought, it would help him materially. That was the amount which ho had vainly sought to borrow of tho mer chant and lawyer, now present with him at tho reading of Adam Holcomb's last will and testamont. The merchant and lawyer conversed while waiting for Squire Rrief. "Have you any idea, cousin, how much the old gentleman had accumu lated?" asked James Holcomb "I havo heard it estimated at two hundred nnd fifty thousand dollars!" was the reply. "That is a largo sum. I hopo he has not been unjust enough to squander any of it on charitable bocicties." "I hopo not. That would bo a great piece of injustice to his lelations." "He never diopped anything to you about tho disposition lie intended to make of his property, did ho?" "Not ho! He was a close man, very," said tho other. "I once tried to worm something out of him, but didn't get much satisfaction." WVint ,H1 lin uiv'l" "He said that he thought of endow ing an asylum for fools and lunatics, and that I could tell whether I was likely to bo boncfl led by his so doing." "Ho! ho!" laughed James, shaking his capacious sideb; "ho got you there, eh?" "I don't soo it,"said tho lawyer,sourly. "You don't appreciate the joke, oh?" "It was a foolish piece of imperti nence. However, everybody knowb what tho old man was, and I let it pass. If it had been anyone else, I would have given them us good as they sent." "Rut you wore afraid it would spoil your chances, eh?" ' As to that, I havo no Idea. There is no question that wo ought to bo joint heirs." "True," returned James. "That would givo ono hundred nnd twenty five thousand- aplcco. Thut would sat isfy me." "How about Alfred's chanccb?" queried tho lawyer, glancing sharply to that part of the ofllco whore tho young man was quietly seated. "Oh, he'll got nothing," said tho mer chant, contemptuously. "Ho belongs to a beggarly stock, and a beggar ho 11 lemitiu to tho end of his days. Going to be r doctor, I hoar." "Well, I wish him joy of his profes sion, if ho ever gets In it, which issomo what doubtful. Ho wanted to borrow thrco hundred dollars of mo tho other day." "And of me. Did you lot htm have It?" "Not I. 1'vo enough to do with my money without giving it away. Of courtc he'd never have repaid it." "No, I Rttpposo not. Tho coolness of somo peoplo is refreshing." "Well, I tako it for granted old Adam was much too shrewd to lavish any of his money on Bitch a follow." "Trust him for that." Tho young man was engaged in rend ing a vol u mo ho had taken up, nnd did not hoar tills conversation. It wns Interrupted by tho cntrnnco of Mr. Brief. Rot.li tho merchant and the lawyer greeted him with defcrenco and cordlnllty, ns a man whoso words might bring them prosperity or dlsnppoint mont. Alfred Graves roso in n quiet, gentlemnnly mnnncr, nnd bowed with tho courtesy which wns habitual to him. "Gentlemen," tho attorney said, "I hold in my hand tho will of your lute relative. I will nt once proceed to read it." Of courso his words commanded in stant attention. All bent forward to listen. After tho usual formula, camo tho fol lowing Itotn; "I give aud bequeath to my ncphow, .Tamos Holcomb, tho sum of flvo thou sand dollars to be hold in trust for his children. "To my ncphow, Henry Holcomb, I likewise give tho sum of five thousand dollars to bo hold In trust for his chil dren, to whoso solo uso tho income shall annually be applied. "To my only remaining ncphow, Alfred Graves, I give tho sum of two thousand dollars to be appropriated to his own use us lie may seo tit. "I set aside tho sum of two hundred thousnnd dollars to establish a public library in my native town, ono quurter to be appropriated to tho erection of a suitable building and the remainder to constitute a fund, of which tho income only shall bo employed for tho purchase of books." Here the notary mado a pause. Tho (merchant and lawyer sat with loolrt of blank disappointment and anger, which they made no attempt to conceal. "lie had no right to defraud his rela tives in this wuy,' muttered James. "It is a miserable imposition," said Henry Holcomb, "to put us off with such a niggardly sum." "For my part, I am quite satisfied," said the young man. "I havo received more than I expected." "Oh, yes; ic will bo a great thing for a beggar liko you," said James, sarcas tically. "1 am not a beggar," returned the young man, proudly. "Gentlemen," said the lawyer, "I have not finished reading the will. "My faithful old dog, Scipio, who is now somewhat infirm, I trust one of my nephews wi'l be willing to tako home, and treat indulgently for the sake of the master to whom ho was attached." "That's cool!" ejaculated James. "As for me, I don't choose to be bothered with tho dog." "Rut," said the lawyer, "since your uncle has given you u legacy, aro you not willing to incur this slight care aud expense?" "I must absolutely refuse. Mrs. Hol comb docs not liko dogs, nor I. More over, my uncle has treated me too scurvily for me to iu;onvenicnce my self much on his account." "Then, will you tako him?"' asked the solicitor, turning to the lawyer. "Not I," said ho. shrugging his shoulders. "The dog may starve for aught I caro." "And you, sir?" turning to Alfred Graves. "I will assume tho charge of Scipio," said Alfred Graves. "It is a slight ac knowledgment for my uncle's legacy." "You may find him troublesome." "That will make no difference. While ho lives, he shall bo comfortably cared for." "What a model nephew!" said tho merchant, sarcastically. "Good young man!" baid the other relative, with a sneer. "Gentlemen," said the attorney, "i will now read tho codicil." Tho two older men looked at each other in surprise, which changed into rage and dibinay as thoy listened. "To that ono of my nephews who shall agree to tako charge of my dog, being yet unacquainted with this pro vision of my will, I bequeath the resi due of my property, amounting, as near as I can estimate, to one hundred thousand dollars." "You knew of this!" exclnimed the older men, turning wrathful faces to wards Alfred Graves. 'Not a word," said tho young man. "I am as much astonished us you can be." "No one know of It except myself," said the attorney. "I congratulate you, Mr. Graves, on your lnrge accesi'on of wealth." "1 receive it gratefully. I trout I shall make a good uso of it," said O.o young num. "I hope now to repay my parents for the sacrifices they have made in my be half." "If I had but known," said the mer chant, with bitter regret. "I have thrown away a fortune." "And I," chimed in the lawyer, rue fully. Rut thoro was no help for it. Tho deed was done. Tho two disappointed men left tho house, feeling anything but grateful to tho uncle who they per suaded themselves had cruelly wronged them. Rut there was a raoili'st little home thnt wns mndo glnd by the nows of Al fred's good fortune, nnd in his hnnds tho money has brought a blessing with it, for it has been mado a fountain of good deeds and charitable influences. Homo Queen. A Character Htmly. "Did you ever study tho faces in a barber's shop of the men waiting to bo shaved?" "Yes." 'Did you ever try to distinguish tho pessimlbtio from tho optimistic?" "iTes; and there is very little diflt culty in nssiguiug them to their respect ive classes." "Indeed'."' "Yes; tho pessimist Is tho Inst man that comes in and who has to wait until six other mun are shaved boforo his turn comes nnd tlio optimibt is. tho man distinguished by the appellation of 'next.'" N. Y. Press. She Wab Evidently No Flat. "How did sho take your offer of marriage?" "She asked mo what I Intended to do with her after I married hor," "A pru dent girl." "I told her I would hire a flat for bur, and bho Bald living in a flat with a fiat would bo a rather Hat ox latonce." "That wabn't very flattering, though it wasn't a flut rofiibul." "It wiih u lint failure, nevertheless," "So tho wholo thing may bo said to luvt s fallen flat?" "Exactly." N. Y. Prcsa. THE "SOO" CANAL. rio flrcnt Commrrelnt linportiint'O or This Wutorwuy. All the commcrco of Lsiko Superior that Is sent to or from it must pass through tho Snult Htc. Marie canal, un til the Canadians finish tho parallel waterway, which they are. building in order to lie in all respects independent of us. Nature makes the waters of Su perior to flow Into Huron by means of the Ste. Mario river, but in doing bo they drop to Huron's level, which Is isomowlmt lower tlinn thnt of tho king of lakes. They mako eighteen feet of the descent suddenly by tho rapids which give to tho artificial wnterway built to avoid them tho namo of tho Sault. Ste. Mario canal. "Soo" and "Soo Saint Mary," or "Susan Mary," ns it is often called, aro western forms tho words take. Commercially speak ing, tills canal added Superior to the great lake system or route, connected it directly with the Atlantic nnd the world at large, and shortened very greatly tho railroad carrlago of oro and grain to the cast, and of coal and gen eral merchandise to tho far west. The canal accommodates nn amount of traf fic which for yenrs has been greater than that of tho Suez canal. In lasn freighting through tho great African canal amounted to a gross tonnage of 9,iy'J,;ilil tons, but It has decreased, If I am not mistaken, wltilu tho tonnage that passed "the Soo" In lS'JO was 11,041, ft 111. It is interesting to uoto that of this sum tho proportion of freight car ried by Canadian vessels was only six per cent, in 18SS, nud four per cent, in 18i9. It is also worth while to nt e that of the nino millions of tons float I through the canal in 18U0, about 4,50b -1)00 -were east-bound aud 2,000,000 wero west-bound. Rut tho canal is inefficient; wofully so in the opinion of tlio extra energetic shippers at tho Lake Superior ports, who assert that its inability to pass tho largest vessels fully laden operates to the advit itage of their great rival, Chi cago Tho depth of water in tho canal in 1800 ran from fourteen foot and nino inches to fifteen feet and three inches, and during the first half of 1891 it va ried between thirteen feet and ten inches to fourteen feet flvo inches. Such vessels us arts now being ndded to tho lako service draw sixteen and a half fcot, and in view of tho present depth of water hi the canal it will be seen that thoy lose several hundreds of tons a trip by carrying only partial loads. Tho government is awake to the situation, and the new lockwhich is now building, at a cost of four millions of dollars, will bo 100 foot in width, '21 fcot deep and 1,'!00 feet long. The fact that the canal docs moro business in seven months than tho Suez canal effects in a year does not givo so clear an idea of its importance as is gained from the consequence of a slight accident to the lock year before last. This necessitated closing the canal tem porarily, but it cost the men and com panies who uso the canal a loss of about ono million dollars. Thoro were at that timo one hundred and eighty-thrco ves sels waiting to pass out of Superior, and nearly as many going in tho other direc tion. Julian Ralph, in Harper's Maga zine. MODERN HOUSES. Clicapuess In Omstmetlon Sroms fo tltu llntl lu View. Be After many hundred years of progress In almost all of the pursuits of life, it Is rather discouraging to reflect that in tho item of house-building wo are in many particulars almost precisely whero wo wero in tho days of our great grand parents. True, wo havo many so-called modern improvements, but they are for tho most part too unwleldly and expensive for moderate incomes, nnd therefore practically a monopoly. The great Im provements of the world are thoso which save labor or money for tho masses, and this tho modern improved dwelling docs not do. Attempts in tho direction of economy of space and less cost have resulted in the erection of buildings in which light and air, tho two great essentials to health and hap piue.ss, aro sacrificed. Isolated houses are put up on tho most' parsimonious plan as regards material, and arc, as a matter of course, cold, flimsy, and con sequently uncomfortable and unsafe. Half a century ago, tho house in tho country wns built with a good, sub stantial stone wall underneath it, and upon this secure foundation wns erected a superstructure which had in its skeleton enough timber to mako it substantial and keep it in place. Now tho foundation wall is built with just as little uriterial as pos sible; tho upper portion is ni.ule of light sticks, nailed together, the boarding is thin, anil to mako up for lack of warmth, paper is placed under tho boarding next to the uprights, aud tacked on. Tho floors aro thin; every heavy step in tho upper stories jars the entire building; there is no quiet, no re tirement, and no real comfort about tho place. If tho wind blows, tho house rojks and shakes, and tho inmates, in wonder and terror, manage to exist un til the fury of the storm is past. As an abundance of water is ono of tho necessities of good health, If not of I lifo itself, the choice lies between cum bersome and complicated appliances or a great deal of very hard work, which, in these days of unreliable help and many cares nnd responsibilities, is scarcoly to bo thought of. Contract work is responsible for much of this trouble, and, although thero is in many cases nothing else to do than to put building into tho hands of contractors, it is a most expenslvo and oftentimes unsatisfactory wny of doing things. Tho building of a house, oven at the present low cost of raw nut tenuis, Is a much moro costly operation than it was years ago, when everything which en tered Into Its composition, with tlio pos sible exception of lumber, was much higher in price than now. Certainly there should bo something dono in tlio direction of fitting up homes for tho mil lions at a fairly ref.bonablu price. N. Y. beagcr. A OiTiwin Bchoolinnstrr. After touching school for fifty-one years Johann Jacob Hubcrlc, of Ger many, died soino years ago, and his diary has just been published, in which tho punishments ho administered aro all noted down. lie gave 011,517 strokes with tho stick, '.MO.IOO "smites" with u birch rod, 10,080 hits with a ruler, 1S0,- 715 hand binacks, 10,233 blnpa on tho face, 7,1)0:; boxes on tho ears, 115,800 blows on tho head, 1S,7J3 tasks from tho Bible, catechism, tho poets and grammar every two years ho had to buy a Bible to repluco tho ono bo roughly handled by his soliolarb 777 times ho mado his pupils kneol on peas, and 5,001 scholars Iind to do penance with a ruler hold over their heads. As to his abusive word., not a third of them wero to bo found in any dhtlonnry. Chicago Times. PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS. Tho Slower Iho Better. Wife "What a slow train this is." Husband "Well, what of It? Aren't wo golnj to seo your mother?" Yankee Hindu. Hunting "Why nroyou follownal ways dodging Rloobumpcr?" hnrklns. "His first baby has justcommenced to talk." II c "I should hnto to bo refused by any girl." Sho (meditating) -"There is only ono sure way don't usk any one." N. Y. Sun. A "Isn't that a Chopin viteco which that young lady is playing".'" OVltlo "It Is, if somo ono else pbys It." Fliegcndo Rlattcr. Good FIrIi Scales. Tom "Lot's go over to Smith's and weigh thoso fish wo caught." Jack "His scales arc not In order. They exaggerate." Tom "Yes, I know thoy do." Yankco Rlade. Visitor "What is tho matter with this woman?" Warden (of an insane asylum) "Sho lived in Now York nnd employed n dressmaker who lived in Rrooklyn."' Cloak Rcviow. Raglcy "Tho elephant is tho true bohomian." Rrace "How is that?" Raglcy "Ho expects to be supplied with meals on presenting an empty trunk." N. Y. Herald. Rimer (entering tho editorial sanc tum) "I havo written a posin on tho grip, sir." Editor (who is just over a severe attaclc of tho malady) "Well, it deserves It." Jury. Ladies' Press Club Ofileial "What has become of all the members?" Scconti Official "Don't you know it is ladies' reception day at tho mcn'i press club?" Club. Wife (excitedly) "If Vdu keep on liko this 1 shall certainly loso my tem per." Husband (serenely) "No dnngcr. my dear. A tiling of that size is not easily lost." Pittsburgh Bulletin. "I could sit beside you forever," ho said, as they sat together in front of the dying embers of the cherry logs. "I believo you," sho said, yawning nnd glancing at the clock, "and you intend to, don't you?" N. Y. Pres?. Rriggs "What has become of your new sill: hat, old man?" Griggs "I gave it to the porter of a Pullman car." Rriggs "What did you do that for?" Griggs "It was cheaper to givo it to him than to have him brush it." Cloth ier and Fnrnishcr. "I suppose," he said, "that proverb, 'Peoplo who llvo in glass houses shouldn't throw stones,' applies espe cially to women." "Why?" sho asked. "Miss lianx," ho responded, "it is evi dent that you never saw a woman try ing to throw stones." WashingtonStai His Wife's Mother (in terrible llut tcr) "0, dear! O, my! That heavy Louis XIV clock upstairs just fell off tho wall with a tcrriblo crash on tho very spot I stood on but a moment be fore." Her Daughter's Husband (absent-mindedly) "I always said that clock was blow." Brooklyn Life. There is a story told of Graminont, who one day dined in state with Charles tho Second of England. Charles bade tho count to notice that he was served upon the knee, a mark of respect to guests of the king not common at other courts. "I thank your majesty for tho explanation," answered Grammont. "I thought they wero begging pardon for giving you so bad a dinner." DIDN'T KNOW PEANUTS. A Mcrehmit Who Iind Xovcr Heard of Thoso D.ilntlcH. A young Russian groccryman at Ekaterinburg obligingly displayed his stock of goods to Mr. George Kennan, and incidentally gave him and his com panion n great deal of information as to tho Chineso and Russian nuts lying in open bags on tho counter. Mr. Kennan describes what follows: After wo had examined them all and tested a few, tho grocer said: "I have in tho back part of tho shop somo very curious ones that were sold mo a year or two ago as African nutn. Whether they over came from Africa or not I don't know, but tho peoplo hero do not liko tho tasto of them and will not buy them. If you will condescend to wait a moment I will get a few." "What do you suppose they are?" In quired Mr. Frost," as tho young man went after tho African nuts. "Rrazil nuts, very likely," I replied, "or cocoanuts. I don't believe anybody hero would ltnow cither of them by bight, and they aro tho only tropical nuts I can think of." In a moment tho man returned, hold ing a handful of the fruit of a plant known in scienco as Arachis hypogcea. "Why, thoso aro peanuts!" shouted Mr. Frost, in a burst of joyful recogni tion. "Amerikanshi peanuts!" ho ex plained enthusiastically to the grocery man. "Kushat khorosho" American pOanuts eat very well and ho pro ceeded to illustrate this luminous state ment by crushing tho shell of ono and masticating the contents with an osten tatious show of relish. Suddenly, however, tho expression of his faco changed, as if tho result had not fully justified his anticipations, and relieving himself of tho "African nut," ho exclaimed, "They haven't been roasted. It is necessary to fry," ho added impressively to tho groceryman. "Americans always do fry." "Fry!" exclaimed the young man, to whom fried nuts must have been a startling novelty. "How is it possible to fry them?" I explained to him that Mr. Frost meant to say "roast them," but this Bcemed to him quite as extraordinary us frying, and when ho was told that tho peanut is not tho fruit of a tree, but of nn herbneeous plant, and that it grows underground, his astonishment was boundless. His commercial instincts, however, soon resumed their sway, and when wo left his shop ho win. already preparing to roast a quantity of tho "wonderful American underground nuts," with a view to sending them out again on trial. Youth's Companion. Arivlco to VouiiB Girl. A beautiful girl was bhowingmo somo choice Jack roses tho other day. "Just look at them!" said sho, "they cost twelve dollars a dozen. Mr. So nnd So bent them to me.1' Who wan So nud So? A poor young man on a biliary, striving to keep up with tho demands and re quirements of his exacting lady lovo and tho world in which sho moved. Girls, did you ever stop to think that the career of many u defaulter com mence'd right hero whero So and So Is spending his meager and hard-won earnings in costly flowers and notions to foster tho vanity of his sweetheart? Bo a little thoughtful about theso things, dears. Don't exact such costly attention and services. Bo. content to go to a party or tho-theater a3 grandma used to go, afoot and without posies thnt cost a fortune to purchase. Tho girl that is thoughtful In such matters beforo marrlago will mako a good wlfo and a royal helpmate. Amber, lu Chi cage Journal, M