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The McArthur enquirer. (M'arthur, Vinton County, Ohio) 1873-1884, October 29, 1873, Image 1

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McArthur
Enquirer.
H
VOLUME 7.
M' ARTHUR, VINTON COUNTY OHIO, WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1873.
NUMBER 42.
McArthur Enquirer
Jf. W. BOWEN, Editor nd Proprietor
Terms of Sufciorlption.
ri- AMAfAA II Ml I On a nnnv. fimoB
WHO IjUIIT. UUW J Ve T I i-rf i
One copy, Smog.... 15 1 One coi)r,4mo
$100
II 110C )BIII W1UUU hid ;or
sou
REE
00
OK rOttTAUK within the limit of Vinton
.... . w ......... i.u awl 1
Cl'tio5lJtoArthur ENQinn" and Th Chri
thin want win no som w
yotir for S 00. .t
end of the time subscribed for, will be takon
as a new engagement lor.uwm mmuu
Advertising Rates.
The moe occupied by 10 lines of this (Non.
pareil) type snail consilium a oqunio.
Rule and Flirure Work-60 cents additional
a mos. mo. is mos.
One square,
Two squares,
Three squares,
Four i(iiaroa,
8ix squares,
)4 column,
u polnmn.
400 $600
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o oo ia oo
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ao oo 4000
00
00
10
16
18
!0
SO
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80
00
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OO
OO
00
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One column,
t . ii.iat1 no ner snuare
for
flr.t h,riinn' .ml 50 ccnu par square
for
each artilitional Insertion.
Business Cards, not exceeding lmea,
$5
An bill's due on flrsi Insertion of advertlee-
'"biiu with regular advertisers to be paid
uunneriy. ,, .
Business Notlres-lOcenUallne. Marrlag
otieos-accordtng to tho liberality or th
'"Yearly advertisers ontltlod to quarter!
uhniiKeH. , . . ....
bo continued until ordered discontinued, and
ciinritea aucoruinKiv.
HOTELS.
JJ0WEN HOUSE,
(Formerly Sands House,)
ZALESKI, OHIO.
EGBERT BOWEnT Proprietor.
o
This House, rhieh is convenient to tlioR. 1!
depot, since changluir proprietors, has he?u
thoroughly renovated and refurnished, ami
tho present proprietor offers to travelers ami
ooaruers me uesi acuoinmouHMoiiB.
Good Stable on tho premises.
ntty TKKM8 MUHT RKASONABI.E
Iw&el
jgAUGHMAN HOUSE.
G. W. Tinkham and Mrs. Eliza Ily
son, Proprietors.
zalbski, o.
Having leased this Hotel, we would inform
the traveling pulilic and othors, thut they
have thoroughly renovated ami refurnished
it. It is capacious and commodious, and the
proprietors win endeavor to aci'cmmouute an
who mar f.ivor thoin with their iiationnKe.
Lunch served upon a moment's notice. Tenuis
wl.l Do prov Idea lor. Tobacco, Cigars, etc,
kept at all times. Terms moderate.
July IB, lU7-6in.
H
ULBERT HOUSE,
MoARTHUR. OHIO.
JAMES WORKMAN, Proprietor.
This Houso, since changing proprietors, has
ueou thoroughly renovated from "top to bot
tom," The present proprietor offers to trav
elers the best accommodation in clean and
neat style, at low urices. Come and try It.
Good stabling, and horses will ho well cared
for. C. W. IUiinktt'8 "Huh Hue" starts from
this House daily, at U o'clock noon, for the
uauroau, 10-viy
jglGGS HOUSE. .
PRENDERGAST & JENNINGS, Pro'8.
Cox. Market and Front St'b.
PORTS MOUTH, O.
This House fronts the Steamboat Landing,
and convenient to the R. it. Depot, tlcgant
ly and richly furnished for convenience and
comfort.
M
ASSIE HOUSE.
PORTSMOUTH, OHIO
J. W. VARNEB
Proprietor.
This Hotel Is in the most convenient part of
the city on Front St., between Market and
Jnffurson.
MEMCAN HOTEL.
Corner High and State Sis., nearly opposite
State House,
OOIjTJMBTJB, OIIIO-
E. J. BLOUNT
Proprietor.
This Hotel is furnished throughout with all
the modern improvements, Uuosts can roly
on the belt treatment ami very low bills.
Street Cars puss this Hotel to and from all
Railroad Depots.
JSHAM HOUSE.
JAOKSOW, OHIO.
T.M.HUDSON - Proprietor.
This houso lias been thoroughly renovated
and beautifully furnished. Having superior
facilities, everything will be doue to make
guests comfortable.
JEPOT HOTEL.
CHI LL1COTH E, OHIO.
M. MERKLE
Proprietor.
This Hotel, a few loot from the Railroad De
pot, and whore all travelers on all trains can
fakements, hasjust been greatly enlarged and
thoroughly repaired, painted, Ac, and is now
In complete order for the reception of guests.
Trains stop ten minutes for meals. Terms
moderate.
QRAWF0ED HOUSE,
Cnrnor Sixth and Walnut Streots,
oiasrciuuTi, ohio.
F. 1. OAKES J. T. FISHER, Proprietors'
J NO. MOlNTYHI & J. 13. CONNCLLY, Clorks.
This houso has been entirely Refitted and
Remodeled, and Is In allltospocta
FIRST-CLASS HOTEL.
Ai.lthi Luxuries ofthiSkasom. Table
surpassed by none in the West. Ample and
plnasant accommodations for travelers. Give
ussveail. OAKKS&CO., Proprietors.
JOB PRINTING of every description noat
ly and promptly executed at (his ofure.
PUMPS.
mericau Submerged Pump. .
"The Best Pump in the. World."
Oirn AGENTS renortovor ilOO.OOO worth of
propertv saved from ire tins year oy inese
pumps, being the most powerful force-pumps
n uie worm, as wen as soimshhi
Hoe October number. uaireSue. also the Pre.
mlum List, page 8H8 of the American Agrioul
turlsL This iiHiwr nuvsr flmuilvei tho f armors.
Hoo notice In February nuinbor, page 45. Try
one. If It don't do the work vlnlinod, send ft
back and get your money, as WE WARRANT
our pumps to do all we claim for them on our
circulars,
Bond for circulars or orders to the Bridge
port M'f'g Co., No. M( tinniliciiHt.,New York.
An order for nlnoNo. 1 Pumps secures an
exclusive town agency. "l-tf.
ATTORNEYS.
O.
T. GUNNING,
A.TTOBUBY ATLAW
MoARTllUR, OHIO.
Prompt nticntlon given to all legal business
ntrnNiuu u ins earo.
O nice at his residence.
Fob. 8(1. 1073.
B,
' F. ARMSTRONG,
vTTOiaisr-rUTr atlaw
M'AZtTIIlJXI., . O.
OFFICE-In Second 8tory of Davis' Hull.1
Ing, opposito Vinton County National Rank
July k 18T8 ly.
H. McGILLIVRAY
A.TTOKlSrETr.T Ii-A."W
MoARTHUR, OHIO.
Will attend promptly to any business given
his care and management in any Courts of
Vinton and adjoining counties. OrriOB In
theCourt Houso, up stairs,
J S. CLAYP00LE,
ATTOB1TEYA LAW
MoARTHUR, OHIO.
PBOSECDIINQ ATTORNEY OP VlMTON C'OUKTT.
Will practice in Ross, Vinton and adjoining
"ountics. All legal business entrusted to hie
,'are promptly attended to.
MARBLE.
B,
. HIGGINS & BRO.,
MANUFAOTUBEKS OK
Garble Monuments, Tomb Stones,
MANTLES. FCUSITURK, Sic,
tUOOrA-XV, - - - OXXXO.
nam!. All kinds of CKMETEItV WORK done
Good Assortment of Marblo constantlv on
o order in the II nest style.
Photographs.
C.
J. BILLINGIIURST,
PHOTOGRAPHER,
an'1, dealer In nil kinds of
PICTURES,
ALBUMS,
FRAMES,
Picture Cord and Picture Nails.
MimlTcHt li':tmes enlarged to any sl.e, end
lftr COPYING carefully done, and the
llnished in Oil. Water-colors, or India Ink, oi
nny other style that may bo desired, at the
LOWEST R ATKH.
lie made from scratched and faded Pictures.
Lingo ami linclv flnlHhcd Photngraohs can
all work warranted to give satisfaction.
Pictures of all kinds Framed to order, and
10-011
Dentistry.
s.T-
BOGGESS,
RESIDENT DENTIST.
Jackson C. H., Ohio.
lSy Can at all times be found at his office.
TEETH EXTRACTED absolutely without
pain, and with porfect safety, by the use of
LAUU1IINO GAS. el9
Woolen Mills.
Aliens vill e Voolen Mills.
NEW INDUCEMENTS.
in hjlrti class woolen factory, such as
Wk are prepared to do all kinds of work done
CARDING, 8PINING and WEAVING.
Satisfaction will bo given to all our customers.
iiignosi maraei price paid tor wool.
Dillon, Huston t Co.
June 5, 1878-3m.
Railroads.
Ind., Cin. & Lafayette Railroad
Great Through Passenger Railway
to all Points West, Northwest and
Southwest.
This is the Short Line via Indianapolis.
senger Lino to St. Louis. Kansas City, St. Jo
soph, Denvor, San Francisco, und all points In
Tho Groat Through Mall and Exnress Pas
iiiinsuiiri, ivaiinas aim loiuruuo.
The shortest and onlv direct route to In
dianapolis, Lafayette, Torre Haute, Cam
bridge City, Springlleld, Peoria, llurlington,
Chicago, Milwaukee, 8U Paul, and all points
in mio nurmwusb.
The Indianapolis, Cincinnati A Lafayette
Railroad, with its connections, now offers
pansengers more facilities In Through Coach
and Sleeping Car Service than any other line
from Cincinnati, having the advantage of
Through Dally Cars from Cincinnati To St.
ivouis, Kansas city, tu josepn, reona, Bur
lington, Chicago, Omaha, and all intermediate
points, presenting to Colonists and Families
such comforts and accommodations as are
afforded by no other rout.
Through Tickets and Daggage Checks to all
points.
irains leave t incinuuii hi i :ou a. m., a:w ,
in, ami 9:00 p. m.
Tickets can bo obtained at No. 1 Riimel
House, corner Third and Vine, Public Land-
t .. i I i . - I .. L 1 k
corner Plum and Pearl streets, Cincinnati.
Be sure to purchase tickets via Indianap
olis, Cincinnati A Lafayette Railroad.
U. I.. UAKUINUKK,
Master Transportation, Cincinnati.
C. K. LORD,
Chief Ticket Clerk. Cincinnati.
Hack Line.
jy o A B T H IIACS LINE-
Charles W. Barnett, Proprietor
TTTill rnn regularly to M' Arthur Station
y V to meet all trains.
Hack leaves McArthur Post Office at 10
o'clook, A. M to meet Fast Line West; at IS
w, h mvei. tiie Cincinnati nxpross going east;
att o'clock P. M., to meet the St. Louis Express
(olnir west, at a p. h for Fast Line east.
w in meet me 1'araersburg, Marietta and
Zaleskl Accomodation on auulieatlon In
son or by lettor.
umors ibii an ine rosi unice, MOArthur, or
Pandas, promptly attended to.
unet-1873. CHARLES W. BARNETT.
AGENTS WANTED,
NaMoualUook. (thr i.ivks and portbaitr
okthprehiiknts) withfao simile ropy of
the Declaration of Independence, the Consti
tution of United States, and Washington's
Faewoll Address, with 10 fine steel plates.
For circulars and terms, address Johnson
Wilson A Co., 87 llookmau St. N. Y
aYIe&w-tai. ,
Iniinrv n r.. .
Selected Poetry.
The Printer's Devil.
The Printer's Devil. BY TYP. O. QUAD.
Ink-bespattered,
Clothing tattered,
With his broom In hand,
Leaning, cleaning,
Rubbing, sorubbiug.
Under every stand.
'Neath the oases,
Type and spaces
Trampled where they fell
By this Pluto
Doomed to go to
Printers' leather "hell." 4
Running hither,
Darting thither,
Tail of all the staff,
Out and In doors,
Doing all chores,
Bringing telegraph.
Runs for copy.
Nor dare stop lie
For bis paper hat;
All the Jour'men,
Save the foreman,
Yelling for some"phat"
Proves the galleys;
Then he sallies,
On Satanlo opinion,
. From the news-room -To
the sanctum;
Part of his dominion.
And the bosses -Often
cross as
Hears within their holss
Make the devil
Find his level
Stirring up the coals.
Washing roller.
Bringing coal or
Lugging water pail;
Time be waste not
At the paste-pot
Wrapping up the mail.
When the week's done,
Then he seeks one
Where the greenbracks lay.
There to settle
For the little
Devil is to pay.
In this spirit
There is merit,
Far from taint of shame;
Often gaining
By his training
Good and honored name;
Legislators,
Great debators,
Scientific men,
Have arisen
From the prison
Of the devil's don.
Original Story.
Written for THE CHRISTIAN WITNESS.
MIDNIGHT AND NOONDAY.
BY ECCE FRATER.
CHAPTER IV.
The wife sat in a contempla
tive mood for some time after
listening to the "guessing"
strain of her husband, and
seemed disposed to refuse di
vulging her secret; partly on
the account of her husband's
obstinacy, and partly from the
fear of appearing too officious,
as Mr. L. had already intimated.
"Wife, why don't you tell me
your 'strange something,' now
that I have given up guessing
what it is."
"I was revolving in my mind
the propriety of telling you
what I intended, for I fear it will
not meet with your approval, I
don't want to offend my hus
band, but "
"I wish, wife, that you woul d
hand me a drink of .water, I
have smoked until I am a little
sick."
"Yes, husband, I will cheer
fully."
Mr. Lorenzo took the. cup of
water, and looking up into the
face ot his wife, remarked that,
"He hardlv believed that so
much smoking was healthy,
but he could not well quit."
v"Didyou ever try to cftit the
habit, Mr. Lorenzo. You have
such a strong will that if you
decided to break of the use of
tobacco I think you could do so
very easily."
"I am getting tired waiting
for your strange revelation, Mrs.
Lorenzo, and then I don't care
about a lecture on the use of
tobacco just yet a while. I feel
ali right since I took a drink,
and by-the-way, just hand me
that box of smoking tobacco
over before you set down."
The good wite obeyed and
once more took her seat.
"I will now inform you of
my strange and oft-repeated
feelings, il you will promise to
give them consideration."
"Well, yes, of course,"replied
the husband, as he sent forth
one whif of smoke after anoth
er. "Last winter, when I was
sick, and you all expected me to
die, I had very strange impres
sions about the way we were us
ing that orphan boy we are rais
ing and those feelings were made
acute by overhearing the child
pray tor my recovery."
"Just as I expected, some
thing about our servant boy,
whom I took for the purpose
of waiting on us, and now, I
expect you want me to will him
all I have, and what more, the
Lord only knows," sallied forth
from tho smoke enveloped hus
band. " Please, dear husband, do let
me proceed."
" Go on then, for there is no
use. of trying to stop a woman's
tongue."
"As I was about to remark,"
resumed the wife, "I noticed
Willie every day, go into his
room, and remain there for a
long time, and then he would
come out and come to me and
kiss ray hand and say, that he
loved me so much, and did not
want me to die, for I was the
only real friend he had, and
great tears would fill his eyes,
and then he would leave me."
"You humor him so much, is
the cause of all that baby work,"
said Mr. L.
"Strange as it appeared,after
Willie began going into his
little room every day, I began
to get better, and soon was able
to sit up, and the Doctor said I
would get well."
" Oh 1 I suppose Will's going
into his his bed-room to get rid
of being about his work, cured
you, did it?"
"Not exactly."
"I should say not, the skill
of the physician did the work."
"No, husband, I don't think
it did, for he had ceased to give
me anything, only a little wine
and an occasional Dover's pow
der. But I will proceed. As
soon as I was able to get up I
went to Willie's door and listen
ed, and I never heard such a
prayer fall from the lips of any
one. He told the Lord how
good I was to the poor little
friendless boy; and how. that
little boy could not give me up
to die; and that he was so
thankful that the good Master
was making me well again, and
prayed that his faith might not
fail until I was 'clear well,' and
many more childlike, yet effect
ual utterances, until I could
bear it no longer, and staggered
back to my bed. Then, when
he came out, I told him that I
heard him pray, and that I be
lieved that the Lord had heard
him and I would get well again,
and such proved to be the
case,"
"So you think Will's prayers
saved you instead of my hard
earned money paid to the Doc
tor and nurse."
"I think the Lord raised me
up in answer to that boy's pray
er, and shall always think so.
I believe that lthe prayer of
faith will heal the sick? and
there is nothing stronger than
the faith of an innocent child
but I have not yet divulged to
you the etrange impressions I
desire."
" You will have to put it off
then, for I must go to work."
TO BE CONTINUED.
They run fast trains on the
B. & O. R. R., according to this.
A lady on the Cincinnati train
bound eastward, thinking there
was' an unusual delay at Par
kersburg, Va., asked the con
ductor what was the matter
"We are waiting for time,
madime," said he. "You know
there is twenty-five minutes
difference between this place
and Cincinnati, and we have to
wait to catch up." The motion
of the earth seems to be revers
N. Y. World.
A man ; in England, on his
way to the scaffold for truth's
sake, saw his wife looking at
him from the tower window, he
standing up in the cart, waved
his hat, and cried: "To Heav
en, my love, to Heaven, Heave
you in the storm awhile."
Happy End of a Boy's Struggle.
, The following story, related
by a San Francisco paper, is
full of romantic interest :
"Two years ago a widow of
London apprenticed her only
son to the captain of an Eng
lish stcaraor plying between
London and India' During
several trips made by the ves
sel the boy was very badly
treated by the captain. Not
long since the steamer came to
this port, and while on the voy
age the lad barely escaped be
ing killed by the captain. On
mole than one occasion similar
treatment was. extended to men
Of the crew, and during the
stay of the vessel here several
of the crew deserted, and in
duced the boy to leave also.
One of the sailors, whose sym
pathy had been engaged in the
boy's welfare, procured a home
for him with a kind lady in the
southern part of the city. This
lady has since provided for him
and has been a mother to him.
One week ago she saw a card
in a newspaper asking for an
errand boy at the drug store of
Messrs. Painter & Calvert, cor
ner of Clay and Kearny streets.
She brought the boy & the
store herself, and stated his
circumstances and her relation
to him, and she was instructed
to call at the store the next
day? He has been working
there for the past week, and
has attended to his duties so
intelligently and faithfully and
the proprietors have been high
ly pleased with him. The other
morning he received two letters
from London one from his
mother, and the other from a
lawyer employed by the execu
tors of his grandfather's estate.
These letters inform him that
through -the decease of that
relative he has been made the
sole heir of 50,000, or $250,
000. They also inform him
that in a few days money will
be sent to pay his passage to
London. He says he will re
tain his place in the drug store
till that money comes, and he
was as dilligent as usual during
the day. He is fourteen years
of age, and apparently deserv
ing in every way of his good
fortune."
Twice Married.
A singular and romantic
marriage, illustrating the te
nacity of human affections
which cannot be sundered by
the corroding tooth of time, or
mildewed by tho damps of age
and the gathering years, trans
pired in St. Joe on the 24th
inst. Ilendrix Leonard Papen
and Mrs. Elizabeth Papen.
This is the second time this
couple have been married, the
first time being July 7th, 1846.
In 1850 Mr. P. went to Cali
fornia, and communication was
so interrupted as to lead each
to fear the other's death. Mrs;
Papfilt attei" a long interval ob
tained a divorce in order to
pre-empt in her own name some
Kansas lands. Recently learn
ing of his wife being alive Mr.
P. renewed his courtship and
they were remarried. Hand in
hand may the reunited couple
pass down the declevity of age,
ending their days in calm and
unclouded serenity. There is
one fountain deep down in ev
ery heart that time cannot touch
or chill
" 'Tli the holy fount of love
Whose well-spring Is from on high."
A Sioux City lady went to a
gallery to have her picture ta
ken. After putting her in posi
tion, tho artist put the plate in
the camera, and told her to
look at a certain place on the
wall. She wasn't . certain of
seeing it well irom where Bhe
sat, au I so got up and walked
over to it, but failed to discover
anything curious about it.
Children's Story.
The Little Girl that Made a Table.
BY M. L. BOLLES BRANCH.
"Who comes here?" asked
Uncle Edward, looking up Irom
his carpenter's bench and
plane, as he heard somebody
pushing at the door ; and when,
an instant7 after, a little head
with short brown hair showed
itself, he said, "Oh, it's my lit
tle boy, Nan 1"
"I ain't a boy T' said Nannie,
coming quite in then, and mov
ing her feet restlessly in the
sawdust
"0 ho 1" said Uncle Edward.
"Then what makes you slide
down hill, and beg for skates,
and fly kites, and have a bag
of marbles, and ride the old
horse bare-back, and borrow my
tools?"
"I dont care ; I ain't a boy.
I'd despire to be 1" replied Miss
Nannie, hanging a long curly
shaving over each ear as ehe
spoke. "Say, Uncle Edward, I
want to make a little table.
May I have that little square
piece of board?"'
"Yes, yes 1" said the uncle,
and he handed it to her.
"Now may I take your big
gimlet? I want to bore some
holes for the legs."
Uncle Edward passed down
the gimlet, and Nannie bored a
hole in each end of the four
corners of the square board.
Then she borrowed a knife to
whittle out some legs with, and
when they were done she ham
mered then stoutly in. Now
the table was done, and it stood
as level and firm as anybody's
table.
"I'm going now," said Nan
nie, taking it up. "I'm going
to give a tea party, and I had
my little set of dishes all ready ;
and Aunt Lizzie let me make
some tiny pies and cookies when
she was baking this morning,
but I didn't have any table to
set the things out on, so I
thought I would come in and
make one. You may come to
my party, if you want to, Uncle
Edward."
And off went the little girl,
with great satisfaction, to set
her table.
"That's a smart one 1" said
Uncle Edward, looking after
her as the door shut "I'd like
to see the thing she can't do !
I'll warrant her pies and cook
ies are done to a turn. It's a
thirfty little house wife that can
cook a meal, and make a table
to put it on !"
Then he went back to his
planing, while Nannie set her
table out on the flat rock under
the apple-tree, where the birds
sang, and no one in all the
world, whether boy or girl, was
happier than she.
Working Horses.
Horses that have been at rest
a long while should be worked
only moderately at first. See
that the collars fit and that
the parts that come in contact
with the shoulders are clean and
soft. Wash the shoulders with
salt and water. If the skin be
comes inflamed or sore, bathe
with petroleum, not kerosene,
or wash with water and carbol-
io soap. Keep the feet and
legs clean. Wash them if nec
essary, and rub them dry. At
noon remove the harness and
clean the horses. Feed cut hay
moistened with water, and
sprinkled over with meal or
bran. This can be eaten quick
er than long hay, and the hor
ses have more-time to digest it
before going back to work. At
night always ; clean horses
thoroughly and make them
comfortable., This is more im
portant; than cleaning in the
morning. Let them have all the
salt they will eat.
It seems from the statistics
of the Registrar , General in
England, that, notwithstanding
the wear and tear of living in
these present times, the aver
age duration of life is generally
increased. Not many years
ago it barely exceeded an aver
age of thirty years; now it is
in a very small fraction ol forty-one.
The doctors may tell
us that it is accounted for by
the advances made by medical
science, but that is not the on
ly one. Sanitary science has
more to do with it. If men live
longer, they - live Better - tkan
they used to do. Drainage,
cleanliness, ventilation, exer
cise, attention to all that con
tributes to health and longevity,
are more attended to than form
erly. If we want to live we
must conform to the require
ments of life, and that seems
to be the secret of the above return.
Pdt agreements in writing.
How many misunderstandings
arise from the loose way in
which business matters are talk
ed over, and when each puts
his own construction on the
conversation, the matter is dis
missed by each with the words
"All right; all right." Fre
quently, it turns out all wrong
and becomes a question for law
yers and- the courts. More
than three-fourths of the litiga
tion of the country would be
saved if people would put down
their agreements in writing and
sign their names to them. Each
word in our language has its
peculiar meaning, and memory
may, by the change of its posi
sition in a sentence, convey a
very different idea from that in
tended. When once reduced
to writing, ideas are fixed, and
expensive lawsuits are avoided
Preventive Wash for Sunburn.
Take two drachms of borax,
one drachm of Roman alum,
one drachm of camphor, half
an ounce of sugar candy, one
pound of ox gall. Mix these
all together, and stir them well
for ten minutes; repeat the
stirring four times a day for a
fortnight, at the end of which
time the lotion will appear clear
and transparent. Strain through
blotting paper, and bottle for
use.
Wash your face with this ev
ery time you go into- the sunshine.
A girl in Macoupin county,
III, told her lover she was his
if she could milk three cows
while she milked two. He
failed, and at last accounts was
practising on all the cows he
could catch with with the hope
of getting another trial.
!L -fi
"I wish you wouldn't give
me such short weight for my
money," said a customer to a
grocer who had an account of
long standing. "And I wish
you would not give me such
long wait for mine," replied the
grocer.
A Dutchman and it Irishman
once met on a lonely highway.
As they met each smiled,think
ing he knew the other. "Pat,
on seeing his mistake, remark
ed: "Faith, an' I thought it
was me, an' it's nayther of
us."
"Put down your umbrellas
You'll scare this engine oft the'
track 1" screamed the engineer
of the Western North Carolina
road to a crowd of country peo
ple who had gathered to see
the first train of cars come in.
They were lowered at once.
A man who strives earnestly
and perseveringly to convince
others, at least convinces us
that he is convinced himself. '
Varieties.
Rhode Island jg .'overcome
with mice. ' There . are at least
thirty or forty there.
- - .... ... '
If a man has two wives it is
bigamy. Suppose . he has
more ? Then' it becomes Brigh
amy. : :
We are told that nothing ia
made in vain. How about a
pretty girl ? Isn't she a maiden:
vain? . ; . 7r
A utile girl has described
"happy" as feeling as if you
wanted to give all your - things
to. your litUe sister. ...'V
: A tB.ni, joker, now divorced,"
has been giving advice to a
blind man. "Get married," he
said, "that will open your eyes."
To the toast "Women she
is a link between heaven and
earth I" Prentice once replied:
So is a sausage thrown up in
the air!"
A sice man was told that his
wife would probably marry
again. "All right," said he,
"for there will be one man to
lament my death."
A little boy returning from
Sabbath School, said to his
mother : "This catechism is
too hard. Ain't there any kit-
ty-chisms for little boys ?"
A Boston firm sends 3,000
boxes of chewing gum, equiva
lent to 450,000 quids, to Ohio,
Indiana, Wisconsin and Mis
souri. The jaws which work
on this stuff are mostly femi
nine. A gentleman in Indiana,
when asked why he didn't mar
ry and settle down, feelingly
replied that he thought more
seriously of being divorced and
setting up.
"Mamma," said a little girl,
"what's the meaning of a book
being printed in 12mo ?"
"Why, my dear," replied the
mother, "it means that the book
will be published in twelve
months."
A schoolboy in Hartford,
wrote his first "composition"
only one time to-wit : , Ha
beas corpus To have plenty
of pennies. The boy stands a
fair chance of becoming Presi
dent.
A negro witness on a horse
trial in New Jersey was asked
to explain the difference be
tween a box and a common
stall. Straightening himself
up, he pointed to the square in
cisure in which the Judge was
seated and said : "Data what I
calls a box stall, whar dat ole
hoss am sittin' 1" It took the
sheriff some time to restore or
der in the court
A gentleman in Atchison,
Kansas, being called upon to
act as a juror in a divorce case,
gave the following reasons why
he should be excused : "I am
prejudiced against the married
state. I am timid, my wife is
not. I am bald headed. It
wasn't a fever that caused my
hair to come out It came out
evidently one night after an ar
gument with my wife". Think
ing he might have undue preju
dices, under the circumstances,
the court excused him. ' 1
A man about fifty years of
age, accompanied by a wife who
looked still older, applied for
tickets to J . When told the
price, he demurred and after
withdrawing for a consultation,
he returned to the window and
asked, "Well, won't you knock
oil a dollar if the old; woman
will ride on, the platform?";
Two youths of . Raleigh, N.
ft, on a wager, wrote respec
tively, 695 and 804 words on a
postal card, and a telegraph op
erator of the same place 2?016,
but an Augusta, Oa., man has
surprised tbem all by writing
3,016.

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