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KKPL'IJIJC, ATriiDAT EVENLNL! MARCf! : ism THE LIME KILN CLUB. UrMlier 4?ari1ner I jirc.r. llliinlfoa I ..rlniir Irlliiic. "Ar Itrulder luitllo JncLwa uulo hall toinhhtr' blandly oueried tl preMdijit a- ihe ni..-tiii,r oiwnw"!. Iu -Ohio was vi-ilde lie was lml In th Won and ha lids shoes oiT to tirMo his thll (lain Afler a littio iklaj hein-ide his way t lne upjHT oinl of the hall anil the presi tUiit oonlitiuod "Hruil lei JaiLwii,le njHirt has crone to iudnt icuoi tillnriortunesiiitoTiiavl.ur h kl furdi. Miiall nun of two lilts a puso.i." Y, ah, ! lin tellm a fen Avoube bmaimiuUrof dis club fur de laV two v'ars jou musMie aware of de faek dat fornxne telliu solhn dream liooks an nil lAtrtnfnnnvnnm arm onr ruins. A j.asson whoW)N out to hev his fuchcr pre- dieted am soft in tie head, de puon who takes inone to predict it am a knave I hhall mspend jou from nieinlKrship fur thre m inths a' if we h ar dat j ou am still in do swindhn' bizness jou will be exjiilled fur etiod You kin nut on our hat an' co w Invisible was Kidly broken up, nnd tlure weivtearsmhiseeasheislout Win 11 be h&l gone the p'resident continued -I want to say to dis large, cultnatod and refined audience dat do fate of lnisible Jack-son will be de fate of nn wider inemlvr who am found so fur off In Kalauceas to be rumm after fortune Ullers, no matter how cheap deir prices, ily experience in dis world lias taught me , 1. If dar' was anything in goo,ldreanw I'd he bin an angel lon ago, "2. If dar wns anjthinz in lail one Td he bm m de odder place aron I was-JO'ars old. 1 3. It am wem pleawint to ho told dat ou ! am gwine to fallbeir to great riches, but dat r doan buy taters nor pay rent j -1 Hull eb men a bntA work. n" onlr Rich wiiiim as want an cxcuito to leate home, J T - lieliee 111 fortune telhn "5. If it am predicted dat a man am gwine to he a great piece of luck, he'll sot down in fromo saloon to wait for it "fi. If it am predicted dat ho am Rwme to hev a great t rubble he'll go home an blame bis wife an' lick his cmldren. "I w am ou to let de hull biznoss alone A dollar a da an a steady job will vm out mo roone in six months dan all de fortune tell ers in the world kin bripg )e in fifty y'ars. Dar am jit as many good dreams ns tiad, an none of 'em am worf d powder to blow up an.' ole boss. Sin might have meant um thin' 1,000 y'ars ago, but de) am plated out now If you h'ar de Meath tick' in a wall itV jist as much a sign dat you am gw me to find a diamond pin in the road as it ar dat some of the fam'ly ar' gwine to die afore tho y'ar 1 out Let us now pick up de abnormal bizuesb of de meetm'." Detroit Free Press. A Traveler with lteeonl. "Talking about traveling;"' said a newsloy on a Northwestern express, "I guess le done aVut as much traveling as nnybody :n thi country I am now H5 tears old, and hate bu trat elmg pretty much all tnt life Be gan as a hab, trareletl with ruy father and mother three months, then laid off six years. After that 1 began selling papers on a tub urban train iu St Louis, and at 8 ) cars of age got a regular run out on tho Yandalu. Hate been working a tram cter since. For almost thirty years V e been riding on rail way cars regularly, and the other da) I wa calculating that I'd trateled in ni) time SX00,tU) miles or equal to 100 times around the world. The fact is, geutlemen, I was born ou a train "Wfaercr "Out In Nebraska." "How old are youP -Thirty fit e tears." "You are tellimj bat int a Thirty five years ago there weren't any railways in Ne- ' braska." J ho said there wasl I was born on board ' a mule train bound for California, and it took u three months to 'get there. Let me Fell vou tins cop) of Bob Iugersolls 'Mistakes of Moses.' " Chicago Herald. MUtakrn In tli IVnon. "Here, sir, loot at this, sir," roared a man foniing into th ixwni o the editor of one of our contemponiriMS, and tslauimm; the last issue of the paper down on the dtA, what doeri this mean, birf I hrg jour iMnlon," aid the editor, with infinite su.ivity, "to w liat do you referP -There, tir, in that obituary notice of my respect! wife's mother, you hae made it to sa that she n as "consigned to hei last roa.st HIS I Luv, Mr " l . II n r.iiisl th Mlitnr uitlt tnmnnnp I inn kvikv, -amt that nShtr I -Itisht. Mr' IUgU- uprated the man, angnly. -.o,ir It should hao been 'lat resting lilaiv ' Mr -Oh, ah, excuse me," said the editor; I most haeli?ii thiuLmg of 1113 self Here, take this club, the foreman will direct 3 ou to the proof reader tiood inonung" Wash ington Cntic, Gfngrapli unit l'ateut 3lHllrlues. "They tell mo you are out of work. I thought ou had a splendid Job with that patent medicine house " 'o I did hao, but I got 11ns, If 111(0 trouble liefore 1 liad been tlierna month It was all omngto my ig ooniuco f geograph You se I didn't know ho a- to apportion the testimonials, aud tho con hequeuce was that people got circulars chock f ul of testimonials dated right in their own lcimtj Of course, it wa.su t long l-fore we recentsl busbtls of letters calling u duals, smndkrs anl othr tt names. ell to 1 make a long story short, I lefL The folks said they bked me first rate, ersonall the had 110 fault to find with me. But I could see bow it was mj s.lf A knowledge of geography was the one thing ncvdful in tho uteut med icine business " Boston TranscripL Iir linnt All Aboul It. l'rofessor Fidele Zizzenbart, as eery genius, is somew hat eccentric The follow mg is told of linn. A gentleman asked hun one da. -Professor, why don t jou publish some of your coniiositionsr' -U'hj don 1 1 ' rell, sir, m the fin,t place, if oi write oiucthmg, jou can't find a pub b h t; if jou do find a publisher he will not par jou anything, if the plecf is published iioUj will buj It, if somebodj Imjs it he can't pla it, and if he can he don't like jr." Pittsburg Press. l'rotlng lirr Intliorlty. He was a tall, lank joUii; Mlow with WTittrj blui es. f.i-ie.1 I1a1rar.il a luustaeUo win h IfKike.1 liU astnakol iiIiiil ri-om Li-adtol't be na nttnvd in store clothes, and but for a -ry pronounced expression of nuzittj ou his face he might hae passt.-d for a j llj jouugfanmr seeing thout In bis arms wt-i-e lialf a down bundles, and b ,ide binitoodn prett Joung woman who wore over a snkditsu plush cloak of fashionable make an 1 a Clei elan 1 hat. The color on bir cheeks was suggestive of long acquaintance with oountrj uir It was plaiu as a white-wi-shwl fence that thej had but recently bn jnarned. Thej stood on the conur of Claik an 1 Madison s'reets and watched the cars go bv foi'afew moments and tbm he sold, with a l.tt'e cough of importance: -WilL barer. I reckon will git on one of 1 fffffli SSI fffl i ttiseTOisnii.liteotei tew th.. .l..t" lt' I Itoul tlllie- nc vv is tiiif " i "ilerev, St iu how ton (ill. There ain't 'no use of ridm ivhtn we t-in ju-t walk over ' tolhothij.t I -?tovv, Sarev 1 in s pi ims! at ou oprhi' , what 1 want toIo 1 m tour husk-tiul, nui't If sputtered tho t ounjr man "And 1 m Miur lm ful wMifat wife," nv I'tuxl the bride mth gnat a.nt , tabut e ' might j.t ut will lute it out light htrw. It i junt a bjhx L iiioivn titi iuiin to tlieilapo, and that tun t no furlhtr than it i from our lioiw to the pumn m tin nua.ler. atfjouo t got to walk tint tor inornui an night, Mins ouron fNt high You cin't taUt no vtnttoir to that puiuj, an on can't Kie UtuinUiio qui kti an inKttra thin jest a tnttmg tntr to that daio with me. j You cnu nrgiKMir tnt, yi w hh jouthoo?, j but 1 am t gom1 to gi t into one of them cam , f I Maid inn till Sally viggm laby is an )ld man " He decidul to trot. -Chi "ago News. Mr. MMmmi lUrkr. John SttMin wliili talking the other dav to a few fri.nK in th- lobbj of the Fifth i A timet heat iv told the following storj 'I had a colonel man alMut in Boston tlua- j tret" Aid he, who was, I think, the laziest nigpr led tucounterod 1 ttooil him as j long us I could but whin he renche! the jwint i of t-letpuis all the moining and dozing all the attemoou, I In 1 to gt n 1 of him. j He cime to me a feu liv after his discharge and nskttl to Ie tikt-n on again 1 refused him on the coro of pnwipl, and he then ( 1""1 hard foi a ivomimendation You jest give ma riocumttieiul. boss an I won't ar-V notbm'mo' Will, I tnnll convnted. "J ou ouM h ie wii hiMM-s gluten as 1 luindixl him the following To whom It I1W) COllCOm The Uvirer. John Smith, i fully competint to inrfonu alii duties for which he is qualified Joiix Stetso. i A da later became Iwick looking rather n-stfidlen I tuk dit paper to Lawyer It lank said he, 'and he Ink at it , and den he luk at it so and den he scratch he head ana wiei irke mmauM h nuui -tnwxni in 1 'he .tnme Den, Mistah Stetson, ho tole "IO lo ,runS dat "--nieiid Uick to ou an 1 k jou to letokmd - to write jest heah i vhat ni knhtuasUunsw. Andouwant me Jo haf 1 aktd If you'll l-oso kmd. Mistnh stetin well, lUwk the U iter ana I f 011ml that 1 he lawyer had written at tli ' lttom What are the imah Nations n- ferns 1 to alwef I wrote underneath I i hie U-eu trung U find out for eighteen , months and except a capacitj for sleep f haven't disvoiered any Suppose jou try . o. 1 wa- neerxnuniii wnu mai uarkey agabu New York Tribune T, Vi Hi Itmkiu -I supj-r s.nagel oWned the clinr n f "e Umnl of suir isors, that we 1.1 ... I sT .. .. a ..r .1 i OUIIi IU IW 0- Uir JM1VUI11MI1 lUUCUUULy trwisuivr " I think heisnll right," replied one of the iiKnuVrs. -What mike vuf "Well hesgot two patcheon lit- Sunday lianl, and hi wife was working like a nailer etenhn togitathirt) cent ihvss for twenty nine cuitsH anl The lfuokwere iiotexamuied. WallStieet New-. 1 Irrmati' Lift. Vert few peop'e r a iro the dangers to which our gallant firemen are continually exiifced. Texas Sifting. I phrmrml Tatlirrs. An estimable lad) of tho w est side has hatl I 1 the fortune of three huslwnd two having pa.Ql otir to the majority B) the first huslaud there is a tou, b) the s'X'ond a very bright little daughter One day, while some ladv fnend were lunching with the mother, the little girl asked "Mamma, has Ja k a iajwi in heat en V -Yes darling. hih'" n plied mamma. I Slave I a papa 111 heat enP "Ye, darling, hush'" reieated mamma. After a pause and profouiui thmkiug, the little miss added I "IVipos don't lat Ioiir, do the) t mamma V ' Yenowine's News, I ,Tiit Like (trmt-n T lVople. A mother pave her little bo two bright, new ptnnus. and itskwl him what he was po m to do with them Afttr a moment's I thought the child n plied j I am gom;: to i e one to the missionaries I cid with the other I ain going to bu a sticL of cainly " I After awhile he retiirneil from his play and told his mother that he had lost one of the ' ieume&. "U hicb .11 1 cm loser -he nskl. j.UKt "" nuionarj i-nny," he promptly repieiL Hon m-iny cnni iop!e rfre like that little 1 '-Kit hmond UehSious Herali lmtr lrrmlre Collar. One of tho bits of go-m afloat lu AVashing- 1 ton is that a rich woman from the west, now 111 that citv for tho first time, reciied the I card of a southern girl ivcentlv which borem thelover,leftha!idcomerthele:ttiv-l PC" -Well, I l-srlai." saiil she, tossing it down ' coat mptuoiish . -that girl issopnu lorlieing l'resident Polk's cousin that she has to put it I on her card " IJoston Herald t small Wonder, j Countrvman (111 the gallery of the stock ei 1 change) How much does it cost, mister, to do busmess down theiv' Mister Tlie seats, I think, are worth about ' $30,000 Countrjmau (fetching his breath) Oosb, 1 ou't' " onder must f 'em stand up Life. alne of a mh1 Namp. A Chinaman w ho w ished to secum w ork on a railroad wlenvmost of theixcaxators were Irish, presented himself to tlwkUinniitendiiit of tho works and asked for a job "Vou heap likee me work," said he -What do jou want (oilo" -I nnkee lailloaiL I kepee wash house allee same. I no cure " -What s jour miner "Mj name 1'athck O Laffatj " -Patrick O ItalTi rtj I 2ow , that is stealing a name." -Wellj goot iiaiiie'" -Oh, come. Hop Kej , or whatev er your name is, what did Jou give ine an Irish name forf -If I no hub l'athek O Iaffaty faw mj name, 1 no kctcheo contlact' You see(" Youths Companion. IIeii There Jtefurr. -And do jou doubt my lovuf ho asked fisionaUly 2Co, teorg "she answeretl wnth admira ble pos, but w ln.11 a ou sn J that the daj j ou call me joers will ushtr in nn era of lifelong devotion and (endtr solaitude, Jou iirdoii me dear jou put it on a tnlletoo thick. You seem to forget, (ieorge, that I am a vv idow." Xew York Sun No I'uti lit lllin. Mnnima AVUat s the matter, Bertie t 1 tlo.:ght jou'd staj anil iilaj with Tommv Carroll all the af ternum. It-rtie Tommy ain't got uo fun in him. Mamma He hasn't! Berti No we was playing horse, and every tune I hit him with the whip he jelled. 1 .lon't want a crybaby around me Tid i AT the END OF THE CHUTE. The mm 1 lin I on I III mlt t ruit The Im tin ha 1 on on. to, As Ihev a 1 twn llie sh l-rj tliute I lit lit irlol.uu uw "h, ho I tut tilil " Ih mcj h u t nel, vri"j iiu br lit rlttitth 1 am lli- frig! Ienii joutU rt pliel luinint; n Iikt (Kutli ljleraiwu train like IlffbHnn hot, ljkt intttr Troiii It i kl Ijke tmlU ts from n rill kIm t lnl iIm in t rrnr tly Tlieshrit k( tint timKlrii ge with tnlght re it fit in far N himl Ah uow, hniMltU'to t-ight, lAn, it ii lli- wuutit Mi n J Tlie ol I u Uignn hunip.1 ninl bumiK-d Along tin u glin" Then of a Mil It up ft jtnnpJ uU hint nht u tit iir On air al we it hid to etnid Till wiiha mighty throe iJ with a soft an I biikehlngthud, it lunnl fiHir let t iu s: n 1 hft four fti t tmk out U-niJ Thiit lirouht when pulltd right Mnart, Two lm?v of suow whiihviiul) tritil To tell tlKius-IfKupirt 11 V lhMgelnl'ucL The 1m ngrr A Im Itmi(;lit Coat. A passongti from Sin ingtleld wastellingof his punhaeof onoiviat from a Ih brew merchant oy South Clirk htnit The price waf,W "If dot goat don't suit jou, pnng it jwnk right aa an' ell gtf jou3ourinom--h luk. subject to all tluctuatioiis m the market If de goat mark t roc up, ougctsmoremoni-sh as JoU liai or imn, if de goat m ,j,twn, jimlostde din"ivuec orl i.i4l. hlir tlHUyntf d. rt inarkt gts mj deal. tsidt- hfiin' de umi of di goat IotV tlo yay a jmt us done in Chicago, m nend On these terms the passenger front Spring field iul oer ln ?"( and took the coat Jext dij, lning exauuneil the garment more thoroughly, he ixmihidetl that ho didn't want it, mi 1 so took it back " ot LKt g at not buit jouT cxcloiined the mtrchnnt "M1, e tike him la k Iaac, put dot goat on the slit lluf, an' gif de shentllemau six tollin." "But I aiil jou f.W for the coat, and want my monej Kick -So, m frit nd, but goaU haf gone down latiihL I guevs it osde warnews from Kurop. (SoaU ait don n, air we hut marked our whole stovk at got Isaac, six dollar for the shemlk mans. You onlv loe thedif ference, nn dtarf anou had tie pat all lllsIt ix de n iNxvines u done 111 Chicago. "Chicago Herald Hani a.trk to Wind lTp a l'rajer. ! Kepresentntne W W Uice, cf las-saihu setts, lieing t"illel unni for a few fixble re marks at them 1 of a dinner la-t weekend ; that the presiding geiiuif n iniiuhil him of a 11 .Li... .. . 1, -it-..-. ir. 1...1 .tieiuouiM imnfu tiuii 111 um 10. 11" tiau leeu an) thing but aprajnig nmn, jet when he had omv joinetl thethurch the bretLnu tliought he ouht to t e pra) mg all the time He was ttr) slow to st about it In faet, he posititil) ivftl iu mach fear and trembling But afttr awhile, b) dint of assubutt ami dexterous tact, his near tuighlmr and close fnenl got him upin a prittr ineitmg one night Onou i he iratl as though he could not stop Ho prattxl for tlie unit erst, the ttoild. Ameikra. the I nitisl States, the state of J Maine and tho count t of Aroostttok, not lor j petting the go-I ople of Bangor Ho 1 prated for the church uuttersal, militant I and trimnpliant, gineral and juitticular, j nbiavid and at home Ho prated for eter) liod) in hi own congregation, present or 1 absiiit. i-ollectivelt and inditiduallt ; he I began to reieat huntlf At last ho turned to his fuuid ami mh! in a loud wlnjer. It' as) enough tti prut, but it s might) hard to tti it out right " Ttit 0.iilll of Merry. Hie little Immllo mule in the nigh lead si 1 plied on the lev tateUHiit,and Mr IWrgh's lest man was tm the spot "Take that mule ami Iiat him shurjieiied before )oulnte him another foot" "He 1 sharint, " sahl tho dnt er, "rougher thin a file Look at thtm hind sh(curks 011 Vm that ul wwlge ia uIe tuiamgu an ice Louse 1 lie onus r lifted n htvjf to see, and straightwnv uokel oterthetopof a fourtor) bmldig Buz mgl) ran the word through the u Upborn "One of )our nicu has lieeii nearlt killed bt a mule" Ten lei 1 Kick came the muflled onler. "S-o if the mule in hurt, and if it is arrest the mart" Bunk tie. Tliu Cltj luiprovf nieiil.. 1 1 ' ' ' s Uncle .Tosh (going into extrav agance on hi- lsit to the citj 1 (luess while I'm ieelin' off I might jest as will 1 mg up a leetle nini'n gum ter kind r tako tho chdl off. Ill Iv. "ar?v now long Iir Wotilit At all. "How long would jou lie w llhng to wiut for me V she asked, in tons so low he could scarcer catih the words. And then she wtnt on. -You know, George," she said -that father has nstntlj invested 111 n westirn silvtr nun", nnd he is going there at once, and I cannot leave mother alone So I ask j 011 nga 11, George, how long would jou bo willing to wait for mo I" -Wait for jou. im iLirliug," related George with dep emotion, for Iils was no fleeting love, dear renders; -I will wait for )oa uulil wc learn how the silver mine, pans out." l"utk. BURDETTE. lie Tflls a lorj Which lie Culls "The I't ifiiuial Hog Iliijs." As we sdiltsl down from Sjraeiisc I fell aslein, hut the old gentleman sitting leside m gnn n restless ami (idgelj- that he ruUMvl me In the statin flout of usa ladj and gt iilleman weivianj logon one of those niUllectual convirsationsthat areiMdntly lutendet foi the w hole- ir, and Und to liuaku tmvel such 11 rare pleasun to a man vv ho has just escajHs! from tho asvlum I lost the OjiewngihiipUrs of the dialogue, but it was evident that the ladj wanted to buj a "dawg"aud the gentliiuaii kuivv all about "dawgs." she wantwl a sitter. "ited or hv er coloretlr" be asked "Oh," she didu t care, just so it wns a hatulsfOM tt-r -I do so love a beautiful ittr ,mmt''s'' , j I i. iSi Judge. I wttei n! I it ti hid on rt iitt I jnt long for oiu "Well, he said, -lluj aie Uautiful dogn. I oniMnt he without dogx lhit.a ome thin wi lonii; uUmt a dog " s hum in ho said "so more than hu man 'I hue is nothing mall thw world so demoted as a dog s nlTe Hon " "llmtso Adttt loe is pirfeitl uu selfish If 3011 feed him, he 1 i- jou; if 30U Nat him he till loes ou " Oh shenitil, "how can anj one lat a dog' I li ite a man who tan lie. cruel to a dog w do I I d shoot H miu iu a minute if I aw him kick ou of in) dogs. 1 hae sen tlogs " "t)h, how lnpp oumust 1' taYe, ami thrie isii t a room in mj houso too good for those tlogs, and they know it, too You kno mv big, blick Newfound laud, St Augutine Ixi Claire f I ihiid $1U0 for him Will, he sltvt in m room, and oft u he clnnlis right up ou the betl ands-leel tin re " ()h, nn't thit ttHicunum for anvthmg Yes, ni dog lie all oer the housu Then inj wife ha threw dogs of her own, that makes tin altogether It seuis liku a rimh! iiuii " But et 3011 couldn't piro one Oh, nt The hotisn would siviu lonel) without them The) always wtlcome me when I como homo tiie,ro alwa)M glad to see mo. Iast hpimg, whin tu) Silx-nan blood hound, Cliaikinigtie, died, I thought my wifo would go wild She cried herself into h)steni and went to Nil gio up fiOCKt), put on mourning and locked the piano I couldn't cat niitlmi mt.lf forda)s. I ftlt ns though I hid lst u son "You hio thildii 11, Intent )out Ir. Ken nellthorivf" "Oh, )e I have three, two Inivs and a girl no, two giils no, no; u hit am I thinking of Thet Ve nil girls " Here the tld geuthmaii collared mean! draggtsl me furiousl) into the smoking car, wht re he Kicked me up ngauisi the wood box and htld mefit ivtl) bj the collar. 1) iflpA "That' the rniw of bj drophobia," he howIiL "Th it s the kind of stuff that makes a man mad The bite of a mad dog is heal ing balm aftt r such rot as that I One hundred dollars foi a dog Buj all tho curs that ever jelid I can buj 1(H) dogs for $1, and then I'd onlv keep one aud I'd kill LI111I Am I right'" I f tt bly said Anieu " "You aiv saved," he sal 1, relaxing his hold, "and now let us sit down alio smoke one of the train boj's noil-combustible cigars, for I must ms v o mj self to a ded of awful justice." ' hat Is t "ou'll do" "I am going to kill that man wbeu he gets off thetnui and at the Mine tune jou will kill the woman or I sliall kill jou " But win ti we got to I ticn thej rushed the old gentleman on ami took hun to tbeasjlum. And I was tho onlv man on the train who knew vv h it ilrov e him 1 lad lb 1-rt J Bur ilctte 111 Kmokhu LVigle HIS BOYHOODS DAYS. An Artist lCdatr sumo ,if tlie lteminl renre. of III. lilldllnol. ' Out 111 the wUngn whei-e I was liorn we had a crowd of bojs whose life wns a continual round or pleasure, as I lookliaik upon ltnow Snimming, tKMiting. hunting, wandering in tho Ct las with a bov's proprietary feeling of ownership of the whole earth eiruol to Jay GouM s and en ignorance of ev erj thing equal to an art critic's, we still got into mischief -Si" Pit kering's father owned a calf whi h roamed in tlie field liehmd the barn On this calf our wicked ej w fell one day and we or ganized an Indian detr hunt. Thco Beck and Joe Dot j drove tho calf into the lane, w hero about a dozen of us were scattered along be hold the ft nee, armed with bows and sharp arrows. The calf, or deer, as it was"supiosed to represent, came ambling fnskilj" along, when the Indians ojuned tire With astar- w'. tied bel'ow it dashed post down the lane, fol lowed bj fierce, blood curdling war wboo's, to where "Si" stood with an old gun loaced with bird shot. -Si" was representing a wh.to settler and was expected to shoot mtheiur, of course, but in the luUnse excitement of (ho moiLent, as ho siw (1 n deer plunging to ward him, with eight or nine arrows slicking in hun 111 the legion of the tail, he shot bid hide full of sn.all holes. At tins intt 1 esting moment his -oM man" rode up and -Si's" f aoo was a pn.tnry of suipnse. H seemed qu ta agitated as the old mall reached for him hi on earnest manner I was getting well toward the next count j' at the time, but I heard -Si's" explanatorj remarks ev en after I was in tho woods. The calf lived to be a reTectable, solier old cow, j ct 1 nev ei could look upon her white face in afteryears without recalling -SV floating in the air as his father held han aloft bj his suspenders nnd fondled him in the most aiiprov ed biblical manner W. II 11c Dougall in New York World Ihe Toboggan hllde. "What is this toboggan business that we read so much nljout 111 the tiersr he asked 1:1 u Grand River nvenuestoro theotherday as he and his wnfe stood warming their hands at the stov e. "Whj , a toboggan is a high platform with an lev shdoi mining dunn " "Yes." "You gt tup there with j our sled, take a pretty girl 011 for a partner, and down j ou go like greased lightning " ' Girls are willing, are theyT "Oh, jes" "Lots of 'em nromuir "Dozens of 'em " "Anj toboggan nigh here!" "ow, that's enough'" saiJ the wife a sua turned ou hun "If there was twinty tobog gans bit ween hero and the ntj hall you'd go right along ami sell (hem butter and eggs and then jog home w ith me without a slide!". "Yes, I reckon I'd have to," ivmarked the old man with an awful sigh, and then he changed the sujeit to brown sugar and bak 1 uig wwder Detroit Tree lrts. i -tt'hS 1 1 1 BILL NYr AND BIG HATS Ite !1 HU n itht inn to Hie (.ener li i litirtl li the Itm U K Tlie lite W lllllllll Sll ikesj. tit oiim urot in an autograph nlbum thesi w -iN 11 tl t Wnrl 1 UKt ice iiiit-r 1 ur frttn 1 tM MlAKUtlT-ADE. IN rhais he tm ant thttt then wtit thos-n it but wo will not uihh ttukc to tiit r this held of thought Howettr, to ptuk 111 a 11 ore u nous ti in ami t tating tht ubjet 111 a in rt distillled wn, I will stt tint nftrp iiimltrtf teai-s stnttlnt of the worM lam eoiiinitsl tliat the giat Uinl iwl this ex piesMoii 111 u tigiir itlte tiM ttult tuld h pkkuphts ptiitiMhit he would tithr eiao tho uIkhu hue 01 ntbl to it mi that it would read 11 the urllt 1 stag an I not It luit the woniuii in the hili liat in see what is Kinfi"ou im it 'iirs Ititterl) Itiu. It is not 1 new tlt-Kl rh ijis. this dtSLUv-iuu of the tall hut but 1 tl ue, 111 mv jvoor weak wn) to aid tut testimony to the test miun of those who h itt S.11 1 twn 011 said hat 1 feel of u tnith iH-cif-ionillt that this high hat is making uu oltl man of me ami drawing lines of caio htioniid there otirui) fair )oung fa"e Hero at a time of life when I ought to l m the full Hush nnd pndt nf inniihood I find mwlf no longei able to build the fir in the inonung, and mt bivath, which was once a iobut as that of the ujias tree, now come- in short pants. The tall hit with a wad of timotli) orafite Iouml ik)!ii;nii it tin aex thtreof, has brought this nlNut How woul 1 a man look who might sit in theluiM heahil row weaung a J mt of toepiie 011 his hi ad trimmed with hat H is it not Ui n tlie lUsnl for )ears tt place I uld headetl nun on the front row, Invalid tin) olTensl no olMruction to tho tl.Hl! And now, wl at do we ee I , Wotlo not see antthiLgl I will lea e it to am disinterest"! person to say whether I done love ami adiniro woman, whelher aggregated or sogivg-ited, but she does tlo some things win h as hu friend and admirer I dct plv regit t Not long ago I ha I tho pleasure of attend lag one of Mi Booths .rforniances in which he took the pjit of Hauiltt with great credit to lnmstlf, as I nfttrvvard Uarned from a m u,M r of (he on best ra who saw tho w hole j. rforinaiice If I had not promw-d a former wife of mine that I would nevei tomb liquor I vvould have lieeu amplv justitied that evening in sat uniting mv self vmiIi (av ruin or wium other seduitivetieveinge I jsiul a large price a week leforchind for a stat at the Hamlet rforinaiice, liecauso I had nut Mr Booth once 111 tLo Rocky mountains 1111 1 had matle n tleep linpn-ssioii ou lam. 1 had nlso told hun that if he ever h ippened to l- in a town where I was lectur ing I would dismiss anj audien'S) to como and hear him, an 1 hi might do as he thought liest almut shutting up 011 the following night tocomo mil htar me Will, I uotussl nt first when I went in, that the row Ufoie ine was unoccupied, nnd Igathtied uijself up 111 u strong, niaulj 1111 braco ami huggtsl mjsiif with jov The cur tain humiel its If, ami tl tirst act vvasaliout lit the nit nf producing itself, when n meik little gtiitleman with an air of conscious guilt, came ilow n the aisle in advance of a woman s excursion, consisting of four female numlrsof his f imiij, I judged He looked nhout ovir th' house, luuidiv totk off his coat and setmed to 1 rtpamig hinistlf for thi vigilance colllllllltts Then he sat down to set wind er eitsutive clemeiitj could do ant thing tor hun The tirst woman of the four was prolably ovtr 1 , ami j it with her almo.t leardless face she Uxikeil saivelv s she wore a tall, erei t hat, w ith a soi t of plume to it, made by pulling the punt hiudi tall out of an iron grat mule nnd djing liatleepiuinsou bhenoru oth r ilothing, but that did not lncinse me so mm h as this hat. vv Inch I had to examine tntuallv all theitming She movctl I ei head also and kept time to the urisie, and breathed hard 111 places and shuddtrvd once or twice she also oke to the mistrable man vvho brought her Her toice vvas a rich laritoue, with alow xjlo phoue a tiou, and she breathtsl like the pas sionate hiiiist of an om nvorketl fnight en gine Winn she sioko to her escort I noticed thit he shtirteneil up aliout four inches and set med to wish he bail nev er 1 ntcred soiiety 1 he other three vv omen h id broad hats with domes to them, and the one who sat ou my right also sat on htr ftt. This gate hera tine opportunity to look ut through the sky light of tho o ni bouse now and then. The next one to htr vv ore a deceased Ply mouth Rock rO"Mir in htr hat. The fourth one sat in front of an oldish gentleman vv ho w ent out between the aits ami mime 111 with a pickled ohv e in Ins mouth caihtnne Ho could not seoanjthmg on the suie, but hecravvleil up umler the bnm of tbH woman's hat, with his nosu 111 the meshes of htr liair, and 1il hot, loial option bitath in lnr neik, oatieutly trj ing to scewhtthtr tho slimier Itgs in long, blat k hose 1 1 mged to Mr Booth, Ai-ollinanus or tho Uilltt If jou will continue in j our excellent paper to sit down on tho tall hats, I will get jou quite a utiiiilur of sulisirilsrs hire Bill "je 111 .Vw York W orM LITTLE LAUGHS. M'arrying by proxj" 1- what nuv ls ron fWensI a iiroxj-mate bliss. Boston Tran script. The woman whose favorite hymn is, "I would not live nlwaj" has sKnt fJM for patint mwliiines during the just tin j ears. rvorristowii Htnld Tho Mume dnimmers nt a recent dinner had on their menus the pirtuie of a trat elmg man nppronching a joungladj 111 a marly empty railroad car ami sating -I btg jour Ilvlon, is this seat engagetir -J'o, Bobbv," sal 1 his mother, -jou cinn'jt go skating today Its Sunday, you know." -Well, Ma, pirsisted Bobbj,-cant I go if 1 11 just skate straight nhead, ami not try to do auj- fancj- work!" Iu k. When a joung man 111 the AUutian isLands goes to see? his girl in tho ev tiling, the jiarents of the girl thoughtfullj" retire to another ompartment of the Icso hous, leavmg a lurnmg candle with the lov crs. Do they lit the candje burn! Xot much; thej promptly blow it out and eat it between them. 5v"evr York Tribune. A well known clergyman's little daughter has just beefi put to lied and upon the still ness comes a tinj- toicoin tho mghtlj prayer Then, silence, soon broken bj these words: "Ami, tlear Lord, this afternoon I saw out upon tho cold sidowalk' a fioor little girl, ami she had no shots or stoikings on and and" another siltiiceiu though staggered by tho immensitj of (he problem "it's none of our business, Ls it, Godf Boston 1 raiex-ripf. A fond f athei , Messed with eleven children, ami witlial a t erj" tlomctic man, tells thw story: One nftemoon, business lieing very dull, be took the tnrl)' train out to hu happy home, and after a time slip-nxl up stairs to help put the children to lie I Being missed soon, his wifo went up to see what vvas going on. Uionoptning the nurscrt door she ex ilauneil "Whi, tlear, what m the world are jou doing!" -hj, wife t," said he, "I nra putting th" t hildrin to lied and hearing them saj-vheir litdo praters." "Yes," sail wifey. -but this is one of our neighbor's ihildren all undressed'" An 1 ho had to redress It and I sent it home Chicago Liang Church. m JOHNSy Tlie-e Talnta aro In every rcpect Ftnctly first cla3 lieing composed of the best and imrcdt materuli oliLiinalile Tlii'y 1u o .1 larger sjlu tlun a j otlur ainH mado In Uim country or aliroid, and, although tin y cot a tnllu more j r gallon than an) othen, thej will do mora and better work for the tamo amount of m tii-v, owin 'o their won derful covering properties, while their Biiprriiirduratiilitj n mil r3 them the mot eco nomical palnta In the world. Pamuio Cardd aud iJescnptue l'ruo U-t frte by mail. H. W. JOHNS MANUFACTURING CO., OLE MANLrACTlRFR-s Of H. W. Johns' Asbestos Fire and Water Prool Sheathing. Building Fell, Steam Packings, Boiler Coverings, Roof Cement, Roof Paints. Fire Proof Paints. Colors in Oil, Varnishes, etc 87 MAIDEN LANE, NEW YORK. CHCAGO PHILADELPHIA. LONDON Having farmed a special partnership with one of the oldtst and largest Manufacturers of Men's, Boys' and Youths' Shoes in Massachusetts, we are now selling for TWO DOLLARS! A genuine Calfskin Shoe, equal in every respect to the best THREE DOLLAR Shoe in the city. Every style and grade of Men's, Boys' and Youths' Shoes at Twenty-five to Fifty per cent, less than any other dealers can possibly sell them. GEO. C. HANCE & CO. NO. 14 WEST MAIN ST. COAL! COAL ! C. R. JOHN & CO. WIC5LESI LE AXI) RETAIL IIEILKRS IX ALL KINDS OF COAL: Hurd's Shaft and Emma Mine; Jackson Coal a Specialty. Also, best grades of Cannel, Hocking and Anthracite. OFFICE : Corner Mechanic and Washington Streets. TELEPHONE NO. 254. ACME PAPER NOVELTY CO. MANUFACTURERS OF PRINTED STATIONERY CHEU'EST I. THE WORLIJ-1,000 1RITEI XX ENVELOPE FOR ?1,50. OUR L'm'PROlCIIEII PRICE-LT: 1,000 Letter Heads, 1.000 Letter Heads. -1.000 Pocket Vote Heads. 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