Newspaper Page Text
DEAR HUSBAND, COME HOME!
tAnegediftl nL'hetoa fraiiirr lufiuUv of
the Illinois legislature
Huitbaad, dear hu -han 1 rutm home to me now
rroro bnriDgfl k-icozv ndar ,
Tt lonelj with-it on w h t you ut come
And see to the thio? m the farm
You told me u hen mi w ore elected last fall
If I would bul ontv let you p
You aurely 011U come eVr the w Inter w as gone;
Of courw I lelie tsl it u as
Husband, dear husband come lioine tome now,
I m tnimn?thefsicrof -pnn.
Ynie btaid kmj; noucb in the capital thert
You re much &ft r undtr my mc
The old hsTh i ia mp: the stable like mad.
The colt h in a lernNe se
The uroall bnndle heifer has gyt a hite calf.
And the cattle are taIinj ftr ou
Husband dearhushant eome lnme to me now.
I'd hVe to olispne hat ou n t
mitt, inoniinj. b the heat of the sun. to nmt na t n lv-i Jit him fci MiKt an 1m1.ro. e
AolMmheabj this on- and that' f , , , . ft , nnm with mud ,tMlflt ,,,.., "... ,.., M rtf .,
Your mileage is paU y tht 1 nvt ay round.
But tao t he nhorteM cut hen rou come
Your speeches are fine t eedle-dee, Imt wrat a v
They dnnt bide your twvtsjle-de-duin.
The s-oice of tout JMsy is calling yon, dear;
It' nearlr the time to male toap.
And Home of tin womeuaroaiuj;, m loe,
I'm piin ou mot to much roie
Tber nav there is de-p.rat flirt inff up them
With wi Ion ( an 1 mai Ls int a fen
I haven t tn Lise.t since the mornincsnn lft,
But, Johpb, bow it ithyiu
Come home' (.Vine liorie
You hear me, you r weal Come home
nivlnir Ituruiim II t Turn.
And here mtheold Park hotel oivumsl
the famous tnck pliMM on Ikinium in Tom
Higgimnfs IwirUr shop, which wa in tho
basement, where there 1 a barber shop now,
and haa U -en for thirty rears, Tom was a I
waf and hw sbOji was a famous local mstitu-
Tom, cant Xft shave! right awayr the
great showman Raid as Le bounced into the
Guess not," said Tom, "all tbo chairs are
full and people are waiting "
"Can't I pet any one to give ni his turnT
"You miKbt try that Irishman."
It was a marvelous Irishman that was re
ferredto. He looked as if ho had been wait
ing for a liarbex all his lifo, he was so un
kempt and duiy aMut the head and face.
Barnum bought bira off by promising to pay
his bill while in the barber' hands, lorn
shared the Irishman and whLivn.l in his ear j
as he shaved. He told him he might as well 1
get his hair cut, and thtn that he bad letter '
hare a shampoo. After that he bent him
back for a lath, and, catching him when he
came out, got him to bat e hu hair curled and ,
his mustache d ed. He didn't look au thing
like the (tame Irishman. Tbo bill amounted i
to 91S and odd cent. Barnum paid it and
was delighted with the joke. Ho had a pic-
ture made showing the Celt as he came in and I
as he went out, and that picture went all over I
the world. Julian Ralph in Kansas City I
lloaton Culctiaw In jLow Life.
In Boston 4-ven the fetreet enders feel the
mfluence of the Athens of America. This is
thewayaealve seller UlU. "TliatV nght,
gentleman, come nght up. Dout mmd the
east wind, which, as our friend Emerson
used to say, pierces our solitude. This sal e
would ha e made the Concord Philosopher
LUJ How foolili:
stand the weather better.
and going wav down east
by, a Iiwell -aid, that
This salve woul 1 cure the vagnena every
time. Curat mini mi Glad to see w many
boys here. Macte, bo s You, too, need at
Ieat one box each. IKvs Jtxeph Cook uw itf
Of course ho docs, anl Matthew Arnold called
for a ho es soon as he reached this country.
He said he bee.nl it was sweet and light
ilbut vou I
More on, gtnuemen. A box in
and two in jour rocket will ballast
IbU tutisNiinu ew lorkSun,
A Ke.Ilr Srt ioeletT I
. "i , J,!f oelety. (
Omaha Girl-Oh: you men are aery mys-
tmora nlxrat your secret societies. Gu I
rm Hon"t lno nrl ha a sTt mo- .
Omaha Man Rcallv, I did not
kept your wvtrt ivelL
Ye, we have one, it waj formed
..w.T., "7: ':' ::r.,jr- i
" - - '-
"I (appose po
"Tes, jou se all U-e members are to be
true to each other under all circumstances."
"And tell each other all tbe weret they
bear. Isn't it splendid T Omaha World.
Hiss Ingenue (anxiously, but somewhat ab
ent mindedh, rxferring to her dog) He
does not match my sacque at all, and I want
him dyed. If jou can do it without taking
him apart I'll lea e him. Judge.
Tbe t-crlpture Compiled With.
It was in an experience meeting in an
African Methodist church over lu Virginia,
writes a Washington corresjiondent. A new
convert had been giving in his confession.
He had told the brethren and tbe sisters all
tbe sins of his life, an 1 more too, with all
their aggravations. Ho had confessed to
every crime known in tho statutes and every
sin known to the decalogue. When he paused
for breath, gasping at his own wickedn,, a
brother in tho gallery shouted solemnl
"Put out dat lamp!" "Why forr asked the
pastor. "Coz," said the solemn brother, "de
vdes' sinner done return. Cor Boston Trav
Lady (in uptown store) Wh , Mrs. S , is
this you, and ln mourning 1 I hadut beard
Mrs. S. Yes, Mr S. was hud at rest two
Lady I run so shocked Was his death a
Mrs. S. Very, without w anung He died
of a cold contracted only the day before.
Aren't tbe shops lovelyf New York Sun.
ot a r!r Miuwr.
Magistrate 'to pn-om-r) You are charged
with being tlruuk uikI dwinJerly.auil assault
iiigaDutchnu.il What hae you tosaj-for
IVisoner Tlie iohrmnn aTented me too
fcoon, jer honor If b? had given me Umo
for two more lnnLs 1 ouhl hae thrown
my arms around that DuUhmans neck an
cal ed him lirotner. New York buu.
r.'l.tiHr tn riilUdVliihU.
fceno in a .tmt car r'-ew Ycnk Man
trood gracious! What ii thif ilia hat is
r mashed 1
1'hiladi-iphia Ma.i (reading the pajwr)
What is the mittei f
New York ManMust to im earthquake,
P tlirowm mlentlj againKt th wmdow
Th! it is aaui I-et ine get out
Ituladelpbu Man (till reading Xra to
calm, this is, an onlmar imidt-nt
fa off tbe track Philadelphia LaiL
The car (
No 1 nrtlifT Usn for It.
Young Man (whisienng to jeweiei) That
engagement r.ng I bought of j-ou esterdaj,
Jeweler ULuts thematttr withit' Uidnt
it fit! I
YouMg Man fcautiouslyl Sii It didn't
b&ve a ci pnev Uimuie collar buttons for it.
: Jfx- rn- .(-,. N-S
that tho slmh of IVrMi ratt the futon of
CrM Nrw for ,h nw ", .noting tlw Hon rwleuck II Wm-toii
AlKMit tbxvc tinl from IViiut ton, Ky , on Wlth tUe onjtfr of thrt Yellow Iromlnry, but
the U item Wftivliouw road, m h Lk-iM of tbtt tn negotiation fell through soon us tin
Stn cml, baloir, marshy flat about an tmieilt mmcati diplomat leluixl toad
acre in m Tb earth is of a giwiiMi vanco tbo shah the 10,mM go len indoles
color and nowe. or grass of any kind km which hi Keren nujMj exjiectetl annci
ever known to grow in it, and during tb ,n-nc nf ur Witi-mii, k,n1 faith in the
dr est reason it balwas ft OM I'm Ieltir j)renusrt.
Ultck, a natue of the D-mal-N-m district, Inutof these facU whuh unortat!
cairn to town last August (eUtionda) und, jt is tnw that Mr Iuilinuu i. the first itizu
acmnluii; to hi- habit with jmial fnends 0f Chl.o to Iw .vo11.7eU und hononslbv a
dimiL t(M iuu h I Jt thnt evening he tsul croww trHl 0f fti-)) Ah in ar ns wo can
died his old ffiay mule and attempted to come to it, Mr lilunaii rotation toLiiiJit
wind In w3 home When tho ndtr and lou,j W(U brought a' unit In this ww Lit
thnoM inula rain to the re k.tith.-i l.j the jearheinaduo tour thnuiph lul and u lieu
olktmar of the mule or h) imo mjctic hti-tacll iplei uncalled upon Km; Hum
liaiul the oU aiilnnl went into the map.li lKrt nil 1 made a furmal conipliiul touching
and S'llt VtHle 1'ete The -.ft, ilunp earth lno faciliti. with which hmnajest s
proieda s.x.thin,; letfm t th laid, aching kingdom is an 1 alua) ha Uhmi urd Hw
headof the oil mm mid the en itement of maJrt,M Wlw tnick at iincn with lhe.eamiii,
the da wm mi fon; tten in a dnamltw the ilomieiuv. tlu.rn.-stni-vi. thu wmir fnml
j fro,,, ,ih he was nnnktne.1 next
Altout two k afur the am lent Uncla
IVte fmuid that all that art of his Irntiy that
hl n inersl mth nui I a coensl
j wiiii a line growuim "Mm,; nui
I M. Valentine 1M le mine to town and
I f.hnnei!toniitnnUr of our mt prominent
J men a luxuriant growth of hair thiee and
1 one-half imh 111 length, on iiinf; his left
rjiienn 1 nan 01 msieai u ihi m" '" '
I wuIau,;hslat but -inri? a kild hi 1 n
I Murreof K"t anroanee to the owner, a
i few that werennsimeun the h of hurUi
pin toen it in a difTen ut liht For tbo
tast two weeks nix ut twuit aiv w eating
ukulIciiK inlaid with this mm k YMenIa
eralt.oL off their 111 j-. and to their Rtvat
J(' " tiappim tiieirnea.is wn cmereu
witha fine growth of xohur hair, but unfor-
tunately it was rwl a.s a Uvt
The owiur of the marsh bis ha I it in
dovel by a luj;h plank fence, and sells the
muckatSJaiKnind, ani the dtinaud is le-
commK w trai uui ut- wiTy ..
the onlen. I mm llle Commen iak
No LaiichlntT 31ntter.
Mose I dont e nufiln to laff at!
Jefferson Coe not , y ou can't see yusself.
A Newspaper Man Marriage.
Clarence I)nsser 1 raamtHL He did it as
Kaffnuh aturrllimr t) In Dm full niVKMitmn
down in Watbineton about 2 o'clock yatcnlay
.ft. Imcilnl aro.m.l to nil tha hows
iwrx r office. ad iv.1 tbo litoi- of what was
about to happen, toll them not to tak. tho
troubla to send rciwrters to tho corcmom. as
ho would WTlt It up hltlllf. jumped on a
sfiwtcar, got off at the Cipitol, called out !
Dunham, Adanu, La!er and wvcral other'
members u.id -bow -le do" to them, offlruUr
notifleUtbem that he was to be mame.1 at
3 J o'docl.. ran over to the senate, announced
il. .rf t r..n .n,l r!l,n liml m t
the reporters' Rallcrv to see if he had uiwcd
any one. made a general proclamation of , I
n,,inn. r.a . ir.ii t n nnniim r,iHr I
trnv.nniniirniiilt .if llie w.Hl.llnp- m nil'
vance, and with fifty pnntc.1 -Ju of it in hu
. ih. house of the bride
P ? veJ" I 7Lnt on
F2? .nunUUr rnvcJ:, tle,.1..tLr k.not .!
cneuuis lllie, dresser kj!-u iu onue, uu
her be mut lw Koiiig. hurried down to tho
i his own account of the wedding, asked that
i.vi neWKiutneis;. leu iirmii hi)ii roiui n n
it be girgj a prominent place in tho society
rolumn.16enranto Newwatwr row. where I
i i . i
Land, asking that they be telip-aphed ocr i
the country ns a favor to a fellow journalist1
and he woul 1 do a. much wmetiuio ri i-e-1
turn Then bo returned to hu bride, took i S " at tva n sioe, ine Hgures, are wimi
, htr on bis arm, caught the 10 o'clock tram i ln th einaeular of luraldry is called ex
' south with joiies for two m Ins pocket and ! Ptant and .leninndant. the shield dexter is
I will travel for three weeks. Washington quirtured-tbat is to say, divided into four
Cor. Chicago News.
Mr. and Mnt. llnwuer.
On one occasion, when I was giving baby a
bath, Mr Bowser happened in, and It wssu't
a minute liefore Mr Bowser had made up his
mind that Uie child's feet wore too large.
Nonsene, Mr Bowser His feit are all
right. See how ibubby and health the are."
"Tes, and gaze uion their sizel IteilOU,
he was cut out for a giant' In two j ears my
boots won't lit him'"
"You may rhaw all ou will, but he's go
ing to be a monstrosit ! It wont lw the
jears before ou'H see an adverttw-nnnt in
the papers reading
Of the Nineteenth centur '
Dig rowed Bovtser. son of OM Man and OU
Woman ltowser, of Detroit
Biggest hoofs of anv human bung in this worM'
So. Udon tcoirew.thinaunleof Citing him'
Fat, liappv and 10c pa s th bill
! "Ye, thit's what ou"ll see, Mrs. Bowser,
and Ou'll grin and tickle over it and dead-
i bead your way in ever afternoon I won't!
The disgrace will have put mo under the sod.
Wash away, Mrs Bowser, but don t ou dare
to let that oung un know I'm tho slightest
relation to him not the slightest'" Detroit
Hie Tint Spring Ltr.
UtXJILir illiniii, uu tltU Uf IXV1. VL IUU
Catholic chunh, was reatlinj; a matl.lo"Rtor
oer at Nick O'Briens grocery the other y
- "L'ZrEL VT ,"'t.
gorge this lurid tale Once, when Le lived in
Ohio, he observed his valuable bird dog act
ing strangclv. Securing the dog by a stout
, chain to a oung tree, be waited to see what
I would come of it. In less than two hours
I tho dog was rawng mad. Ho fluw at the
oung tree anl bit it furiously in a dozen I
I laces. The dog soon died In about three1
necks the tiee went mnd Its limbs waved
and thrabei alout, all tbe bat k fell ofT, and
tbe tree died in tiomUe asonies Geiicsoo
A Funny Sprtaelr.
Omaha Youth Ah! Dick, ven on an er
rand I see t
Little Dick Yes, ma Hnt me to the store
Ifour bister Is at home I to Uc e 111 go
around w ith j ou, though I htipros I oughtn t
to stay long, as l'v leeii to jour Iiojsj to
"Wish ou would such fan. Say come in
the back door w ith me and don't btep liard "
"Oh, ho' Arranging a little- surpiiv, eh?
Yes, j ou'll just laugh to kill jourself slien
ousetithewa hii and that chum of jours
goes on m ben they think no ones lookm."
CHICAGO'S NEW NOBLEMAN.
TTie Pellfiht nf thv City Orer tin KnlfibU
lng of 31 r. J'lillinan.
Never sine the great tire of Wl hv Oil
cago society luxn &o profoundH agitated a it
was j esterday w, hen it liectiin. noi-sod ntout
Uiat King Humttert of Italy ha I leated our
estevmcd ftllow ton-nsman. Col George M
Pullman, a knight of tlw first waVr. At first
grave doubts as to tho genuineness of the re
port were mdulgtM, but when later in the daj
it became known that the rumor wa credited
at the headquarters of the Italian legation,
the joy of the public burst all restraints and
manifested itself in every variety of tbulli-
CoL Pullman Is, we believe, the first citizen
of Chicago w ho lias Uen honored in so dis-
tiocuisbed ji mauner by ixaltv. Jt is true
REPUBLIC, SATURDAY EVENLNU MAKCIJ 20 1SS7
d the sUa it r in nidn of the itmmr.
tIln m M,1(. ihertiii-m Mr riiiluim
,,1 ioUmui 1-b the Hemitaiuum and
iVin.n M inufa-tuunj: rsnnpin (lunitsl
ulire shfpui, -u(li, winch lie pr
nti lo KlUfr HumlMt. with his con.
j,,,,,, deinandiiiK 110 reMiniPiis fo.
the hstinui-.lHsl pift fnith.r than the
j,nw, Sr, of apiiiitinir and nnitnhii,; the
jv-trteiN for n id car The prat fill potentate)
reiihU gnuited tin- ntpMM, for ho was
thannsl, posttii h dtliRhtotl with tbo luxur
ious inmntion introduced b the cnUrnris
liiX Aimntmi Hr tle next hi montlis
KmHumbeit did nnth im but lrael around,
thochanoes an that he would Iw traolinir
ftill if he hid not Uvn comptlle.1 to Misnend
oirations until nfter the snato otcd him
anoiher appropriation At thoimlof theMX
mouths the km;; found hunst If out of HHket
alout l,:0,loM hrcs. an.l alut this time Mr. !
iUmanV porter in Naplea, one Glaciuno
j.-inz3Ut u-in buniff corner lot and
envtins ten otorj ajwrtment tHiiIdinon tho
pnnciftal Neijiohtan thoroughfares. Kings,
however, are htieral folk, and well can they
afford to le, eeu when denling with a fill
cago businetvs man. So when King Humbert
fell to thinking of all tbe pleasures (not to
say benefiU) be bad derived from hLs six
months exjvrience in Mr lullman's coach,
he iaid not een tbe ttibute of a kissing
thought to the flnanciil outlay involel, hut
rather .t his wits to work at inventing some
means w hereby he might further distinguish
the genthnun whom he vieied in the light
of a benefactor The result is this elevation
of Mr. Iullmnn from the ranis of tho hoi
polloi to th tlignitv ami tbe title of a mar
these, win h in the Itnliin tongue corresponds 1
to thkiiifilwboodof Great Itntain, tbo loo-
yar of Hu-ia and tbe tltinuustules of Siam j
Sir Pio'ro C dI Comma. Mcrrtary of
tlie llalian I'Bntion in this ritv. tolls us Uiat
vhm th olllcial communication from hU
rtayr ivi-Iim Cbirao it ill L.-omethe
lut f th consul at thi- imt to procv.1 at
"nceto Mr I'ullman. latial re-ideiico on
ramruiniur, ".-, m "" t"""""
' I,almi es-Uioii and in tho namaofliM
f.ithohc ma jest, to dub Mr I'lillnian a
n"rchee or (a Mr. I'ullman may preftx to
-i-alk,b a choal.er. Sis. K'l Comma says
,h-,t "nwrclicse" prono mctxl "inar-V- ,"
on I that "ibeiaher" I-. pronounce.1 sbee-
alyu" We are incbne.1 to think that mar-
L "M"1" Jt a tnPo mon- hiSh tone.1
thin hoeiaUa, an 1 wo hope that Mr l"ull
in III will cllOiW? that tltlo
' 'S Comma tells us furthermore that
! on of the fir-t thin- the Markecr I'ullman
UlSI haw to do wilfba to choose acoat of
' r . . , ., i,t ,t . f ...
-- , . .L .
wm'1'1 an !"! " Italian ix-
ter.tate could not well endure With a lew
th markeesr of much anxiety
Rml JaDor "' "-f101 ,m' compucn a coa. or
""lcn " '" suunrn lor uie i.iar-
liJ" approval and adoption. A copy cf
tuw Klvt aoore.
T1'1' cb iniSn represents a shield en-
crail!, lionlun-l and vert, with a rapprrt-
lieiths or comportments, which are left
blank for iKteiity to till, the shield sinister
is decorated with the portraiture of a small
feather pillow lssuant, this lein; the heraldic
s mbol of luxur and ease Chicago New s.
It Made a IHfTerenre.
In the early days of Denxergood Deacon
Knutb ued to preach at the meeting house
whtnthe congregation was too poor to iay
for a preacher, which was about nine mouths
out of the twche On a certain Sunday
sonieb-id rushed pa.-t the chuixh door cry
ing, rnef" just i s the deacon had reached
the jwiut where ho l-itemlcl to i linch his iv
marks. A dozen or more of the congrega
tion rtse and ma le for the door
"Donotleae th" h'tioof (..! in this un
vemly manner." thui deled the deacon.
"But," said a man at tne door, "its your
house, dtacon "
"Thn run, run, for God's sake, 'cause
tamt insured!" Denv er Republican.
l.iiforcilig the Canailion I Isliery Laws.
"--, js jy r-Z.
1V u r "Xti
rr.lisn officer Back. lack. I sa. in
v qUwn's imnie' You are not nlloe.l to
crs into tli" American waters. Judge
CJrrl.nd A Ith a K.
In the crowd wis ngenthman from IV s
ton, who stopiiedand talkwl with Clertlaiw
for a fow nnnutes. "We were much phased
to see you in Hoston," ho said "In fact, jour
isitwas a hucces. ouhae made a good
president." Here Cleveland fidgite.! and
tmiltd a conscious smile, and the Dontoman
went on You must come ugaiu Yw, come
up soon and bring Mrs. K." Thtn he iaud
on as if he had done something smart and 1
foru Clevtland coald t 11 him that his wife
did not sjioll tier name v ith a K Daltimoru
A Clteerinjc Incident.
Small Girl My niothu s.is w ill ou please
let her lo-ioivour httle guls patttni for n
drcsa, cozshe want to make one just like it
forme, onl it's gom to to n good deal bet
Ur one, nnhow
TtU our nitdher that sho can't hie it.
But r6Rot a pattern of a go-xl toxed ar
I'd like to send her for your impudence M
I hojie jou'e used it at home, ma'am
These little domestic incidents are as
stimulating as cold tea Hartford Post,
One of tlir Hu ld Iriiitet! Jokes.
"We dont see jou erj of tin at thu club,
Xo, Uie fact is I'm tnaged and I can't
call an teninm owil"
"Going to iVa e the club, then!
"Oh, no, I shall to married m April, anil
then jou maj look for mo at Uvst three tunes J
a week. Philadelphia Call.
j' N-si.iisii nt-ii-s
V- -, . "5
"WITH ALL HER FAULTS."
It titrue .lie writes a soalv han I
Putttintno (s ulirieon wculldn,
n 1 sjm lis lt g w it ! an t tru "j, ,
But n t apul in this wide land
Is lulf io dar aiidit) feu
tne-tenlh iu sue t as she to me
Xhar tlinc shesmetiines as ' I seen,"
Tlii was Is not r to U joii ,
Them s 3 on in, TU i K""t bvnh to
But he is still IilX l)t!y que n,
hsA Ik ait ItaLsurc to mine nmst true,
Anl will l 3tt for main jurs
Pomesav thu 1 el lihnd, and I
Would a 1 i that luxe is U af h1m
Though cranimarttv4 ami sjh-Hiu? ld,
M o ! han ls.mie, swift an t sh
Th ss: rttof ur loe m d Lno"
blw s only fite anil 1 m h r da 1
Mark. Ikiiui-u in Judge.
Hie eni;Miit of IIhiii
Barter -How will jou have it cut'
Mr. De Jones Qui. tl, nsIi' Tid Rita.
lit rm 11 da.
I warble' Dermuvla ls the subject of my pe-ana,
Potatt-es, oni u not to -iy its Iv arw
It t oth p sinj Its invrtU-s and itn U mons,
Mymus4.wil cilebntte tho produce of its gem
mans. Tbe lowh imion tales up most the isle.
It dots the land for man a mile on mile.
Its p rfurm h wafted to our no-es.
And mingles with the sixnt of roses
rhesint 11 wt hiieto make the mont of;
The taste n nnrtal iere can Intact of.
For when the renie that tco day,
Thej dig them, n L. au 1 hipaua) :
litatoes co in countless utmd- r
ICot one is left the groun 1 to cumber
All are nt off thestiH.W k ts short.
And tlun thcT3 is l.tsinport ,
Hartfonl Pad) Time.
IHtIiIIiik the lliir.lrn.
Mr. Tij'top lo tm kuon, my deal, thai
fashion now retpnn" tlut ladles must weaf
Mr Tiptoji Ienten ciMumt".' Are they
'I am --orn to say the are fearfully o
It's wine nen sort of cloth, but I mil haw
to ba o one, dear, at once
IJumphf Heoms to me I'll le tbe one that
rill do the relenting "Omaha orld.
She llecced to lie Kicused.
Coachman (who has- approached lfrs.
Brown for more waes) What uould Mr.
Brown sa, mem, if I was to ask him for a
Mrs Brown (who knows her bUHttand
financial di--oitioi)) Ull. Henr, as 1
aeier indulge in profanity you must oxcu-H
rue f i oui eiitunu an exprivtion on that sub
ject. New York Meicurj
She Had l'lenty of Companr
A fair haired choi inter was s-ekin apart
mentv. bbe knocked at tbe door of a board
ing house in Vork ille, Me was ushere4l in
to tbe landlady, who looked at her nomewhat
w(.reh, und remarked
I neer Kt rooms to ladies who are alone,"
0h, it sail ruht, then," kitnired Totti
for I'm hardl e er alone Xew York Me
i, - . '""J -"'"
ewhteen miles ui one daj Tho .trett car
The empress of Au-lri" Tvcently walked
diners wtre on strike, probabl. Lowell
Since Teuu son has lpeen ratsed to the par
age, hispipt is thnoul thing alout him that
ai pear to be of common cay Lowell
A good hking treasure girl sis there
will lie plenty of work next month on the
aeuue for the recorder of dudes. Washing
There are ten diffen nt factions in the Ger
man ru listag Een Ignatius DonnelJy
could linJ soiiK.hing to suit mm there. Phil
In the burUr's chair Barlier Have a
little oil on our hair, buss I Victim Yes, I
think it a grea.se with it. Barber Oh, lard!
Next! WaLingtou Critic
A most ixctlknt iwmt with resisct to Leit
is the fact tint it lasU oul forty da s. That
was tho rtmark of seMral leading citizens
with resict to the dtluge Judg
Charley Hutewater Do ou notice how
spulchral in oice is) Mrs. C II That is
quite natural, ra dear. It tomes from the
place of dejurted suints, ou know Life
If you want to meet all our friends, just
undertake to run along the street to latch a
train. Ler man you nersaw will be on
hand to a.ss tho time of da Philadelphia
It ls e ident that the negro cannot be edu
cated. An old dark near MUledgeviUe,
Ga., has oul thirty six children, and yet he
does not know half of them b name Lowell
"What shall I write about!" inquired the
would be isxt, entering tho editorial sanc
tum. "You had bettir right alnmt face," re
l.ed the editor, pointing to tho door. Yonk
An Omaha man fired at a burglar the other
night, but his life w as sal ed by a tack of
cat d in hu est jsvktt The bullet stopd
at the ace of iades, e identl to warn tho
burglar tint ho ouht to earn his Uving
Omaha U orld
One of tho inmates of the insane asylum at
Middletown, N Y , thinks he is the president
of the United htales. We doubt not that at
times tho president of the lnited htates
imagines himself to te an inmate of an Insane
as lum. Lowell Citizen.
"Oh, give us a rest!" said a young man ira-
latieutl to n little 1k who was bus plmg
him withcpiestions Ihelittle fellun Icwkisl
at him a moment, und then, with the utmost
inno-ence, said "Uul, jou rest and I'll
talk. Columbia (S. C) iCecord.
"Mamma," said little Clara Von Finnigan.
"the new tonne, Marie, doesn't sieak French
ei wtll, does she'1
"Ctrtainlv, myikar, the pure Parisian ac
ctnL' "Well, it isnt a b.t like yours,' protested
little Clira, who has great faith m her
xnamma. X.w York bun
Mi rurtuneseeker Iiad been hinting to
Judge B, who it old and rub, that her
duughtci would mike him a gfMid and low tig
wife hheistr much in love witujou,
judp,nMiid the 1idv, suggestivelj "I am
son j, but I cannot recipnaate theaoVition
of a vouu lailv whobliow such bad taMe,"
lephetl tbe old Judge, reaching for hu hat and
came bhoe and 1. lather Reporter.
I l the Kiirr.
Visitor (to convut in enitentiary) Are
jou undtrgoing punishment for jour first
Convict (not without pride) Xo, ir; Pve
betn up sttver'l tunes afore
Visitor Ab Then jour career must have
Ins a a very rherktrtsl onef
Convict .No, mv tarts-r hastoeuawery
striied one -en York Sun.
Tls Krllgiou Irra.
The Rev aldo Mesarcfc,, of Philadelphia,
said from his pulpit the nthtr daj "Few men
read tbo uhgious press, it is not ivul
enough, there w too uuch iiatchwork. too
much stalem-b, and there u not the enUrpru
" UnjM.'cuiar pixM ty
Believed the I onl nm 4ohif to Answer
Atraeler in the Mississippi mer IwHtoma ,
came ujn an old ft J low hitting ou a log.
Hiilloa't' ext laiim-d the traveler. Io ou
live near bin
Oier an, itointin,;
Vhatl down m thnt low place It's a
wondt r nu don t die U by don't oumoe
"liook litre, stranger, wliarilojou livef
In the blue RrLs-. n 141011 of Kentucky
by dn.t ou in nt awttj f
lle.aus I like th timtr
U dl I hku this h re -ountry
Hut, 111 dear sir, there are many thlnp to
hidtitv a 111 to liro where I do Uno of
them ami I ruppoe it would htriko jou
banler tinn nn of the rest is that a man
does, not hue tow rk er hard for a U-
'Iolnei, that syt-t tho er nasou I stay
ben It mn t no tr mhlt trkt.tch fish enough
tei i at "
'Yes,ln.t thii lxittom oierflows You lan t
catch tlsh tht. 11 "
"So, hut then tho icinc comes fur jer se
the p eminent sends us meat an nual I'oil
ner, iruin t ilk erNnit jour blue grits un'
all tb it, but tlmr am t nothin' like lim' in a
counto wlmr tbe cmumnent makes it er
pint tr feed jer C.ittle inout die, cotton
mout fall an' all our work 1m lKt, but tbar
amt no dinger u tbo Koiernmeiit gom
under Nn. whut tlur nt r dom irNi.t'f
"Thank tber I.ind Xuncy, arising and
hhoutins to bis wife, I lIee tbtr Itnl's
gwme t.r answer our pra'r rkiuLsaw
A rniifr IMkiut.
An mnootnt booking old man was waiting
at tbe Thud Mrett depot for a train theothtr
da,atilns h got rend for a little walk
arouml the neightiorhocul, hjecial Officer
Uuttou tautioned him to look out for bad
-Yi-s niUvh oblvgtl I'll do so," replied
the old man, and otr be went 1
In alnut half nu hour bo returned and ex
bibitcdn b ink heck for $, and asked the
uthotr when bo could gvt it casheil.
Nowhen That check is worthier
Yes it is. U here did you get itT
"Ijent a man $) & that be could gt t oflf on
hw train, and be put on $ for interest
Iidnt I warn otir I
"You told mo to Ik out for Kid men, but '
this fellow wa-sii t b id He had oxer n do7en '
religious truts m his ptcket, uiitl he iitei '
swore nortbewetl tobacco nordnuik whisk '
1 H til, ouo Ut n snmdKsl
And it's nil jour t mlt If jouMsju.l look 1
out forgool men Id hate mj twentj in mj i
ji:ket now Tho railroad has got to unke it j
I up to me or I'll sue snnelOil Where's the j
head foreman of tb hull hiznew "Detroit 1
ot at the Tahle.
Scene German tluxs.
Mr W (d-cribinjj a Malayo Teutonic din
jitr) And when tho gentleman comes m be
kisses tho bands of all tbe jouug ladiob pres
ent, ainl then the hostess kisses hint upon the
Inquisitive Scholar Don't the vouni; ladies
kiss bun, toot
Mr A No, not a the table
Clash how Is. Mr V. bltuho, KniwisCitr
Much to be Thankful lor.
Omaha Dame (reading) James Ilako, of
Frankfort, tins! four tounds of sLot into bis
stomacli, a teaspoonful nt a tune, as a remedy
Omaha Daughter Me 1 cv me' It didn't
doanj good, did it
"The account si s bo is suffering fenrfulW
from lea 1 poisoning
'Shouldn't wmider, I'm glad we re Lometv
iathistK" Omaha World
Deserving of Credit.
Grocer So ou haent drunk anthiu
for a month, ln leltstus(
Uncle Itastus No, ah, not er ilrap
Grocer You de-re cnslit. Unele Hastus.
I Uncle lUistus Yes, sail Cud o'trusine
to er ham till da artel to-morrerat qua'ter
I Grocer No, I neer give iredtt. Unideu-
Klit-w VI lien He Had f'nmigh.
A few dajs since a well known negro man,
who was tbe fortunate pos-sor of a fine lot
on one of the ha lmg residence btreets of the
citv,soM hisproinrtj for fUMJUicasli. He
1 was givni ichk for that amount, which
' was carried in ilue time to one of the ton ks
The pajmg teller asked the negn how much
of the monev he wanted in cash
UI wants all that ar paper calls fur, re
plied the negro.
"What You don't want 10,( in cashln
AH nght," an-wereil the man who shuffles
the Kink bills, and in live minutes he Ugau
piling tbe monev ou the counter As he 1 nd
the fsVx) lockages on the countei the negro's
eyes togan to grow largtrand larger, and
finall j when twentj' of tb jsiekagf-s were
placetl ln.fore linn his ejes hntktl as large a
new moons Th negro looked intentlj at
tbe stack of monev for a moment, and then,
wu1. a broad grin on his face, said
"Ii-ejist piralv7sl, IsOss, gmiine $ 1 .V)and
jou kin keep tie rest of that till I call asm."
Cttlti; I- trii.
Omaha Husbanil No I think this fsgning
too far You iminisrtl me on h outd i utin
terinawl jour onkr for that drt-
Onjilia itf I wrote to the linn that ery
"Hut here is the dress nml the hill for it
tnoj!;h to launknipt m ulrut How do
jou explain that'
I Rae rtu tho Ittter to mall and I sup
we you forjrot it. as usual " Omuha Iltrald
Tho iot "ho has seen his fondest hopes
jecuy is ha in what a practical man would,
sill a rotten tinio of it lu this world New
Orleans l'ica) un,
"Augustus, said Jlaut!, wnot as ne nail
lieen calling on h r for s.une tiniv. thought hhe
would gio him a hint. I hould like to Loan
"An a( trees'" reiateil Augustus in aston
lshment "Wliat on laith do j on Tt ant to be
an actress forr
"llccause tht n I might 1 ensaged "
She now wtars a solitaire New York
Tno cf a Weak Minded Kind.
Chicago 11 itron What a good girl you
stjeiu to hae'
Omaha Jlatron Yes, the is an excellent
one. Don't 30U lme gol girls 111 Chicago!
4'I hail ono once who was just jirfect, and
I desjwur of everllndm as good h ono again. "
"How did ou happen to lce hen"
"Oh, she wus a little weak minded and ran
off with mv lirst husband." Omaha World.
ASBESTOS CEMENT FELTING,
ASBESTOS AIR CHAMBER,
ASBESTOS LOCOMOTIVE LAGGING,
ASBESTOS LINING FELT, ETC
87 MAIDEN LANE,
CHICAGO, rKIUCtlrHM, tOIDOM.
Samples and Illustrated Pa-n;h let "Sleam Savina and Fire-Proof Materials" Free by MaiL
CIIE.irE.vr IX THE WORM) -1,000 HUNTED EMELOl'Ei
FOR 91,50. OUR UiPPROlCHEIl PRU E-MsT:
I 1.000 Letter HeaiN,
5.000 I.t tier HeaiR -
1.000 I'acket Note HeaiN,
5,000 l'aeket Note Hed.
1,000 Fine I.lnen I'acket Note Head.
1.000 Statements ...
5,000 Statements, - - - -
SEND FOH SAMCPi.ES.
NO. 132 WEST MAIN ST.. SPRINGFIELP. OHIO
Or Black Lrproj, I a diao which U rotuidt-rrd
Incurable, built has yicMetl to the cu-atle proper
ti-of Swiit bPEciric now known all ortr the
wi-rM aS.S S. ilr Riiler. of otnerTlHe.
Xas., n?arIloton was attacked Nel yraMa
w ith thi hideouH black erupt-on and w u trrattd bjr
the best toiilical taliut. hi cou-d only t&y that the
disease was a species of i
and conseqnentlr Incurable. It I impnsib to de
icnbe her hJlTerincs llcr bodr Trom the crown of
her head to the olca of her feet vto a man of decajr, (
ma.9e of feh rottlncotT and leaving preat caTitie.
Her Ccf-rs fctcred ai d three or four nai! dropped t
off at cue time Ihr limbs contracted bT the feuifnl '
nlceratloc. and forM-.eral jears the did not leare .
her btd Her ueljrht was minced frum 125 to 60 Itx .
Terhaps wine faint Idea of hr condition can be
cleamd from the fact that three pound 4 twrno-
line or ointment wereu-nd per nk in drewtnc her
otm Ilnall the rhjucian ackoowlrdred thtir
defeat by this Black A olf, aul commended the uf
ferer to hf r all wim; Crrator
Iler huband hrarinp wonderful reports of the dm
of .Swift hrccincts S. M, preta'led on her to .
try it as a last report, he !an It u-e under pro
test, but pood found that her Mriem was be np re- !
I el of the poion, as the pores avumid a red and (
healthy color. thourh the blofl was becomTc
pare and acthc 31 r IlalleTccnllnnrd tbe S h S '
until Ia-tVbruarj, every re was healed; hedls- j
carded chair and crutch, and was for the first t'roe '
m twelstf jears a wellw,nwn He- husband. Mr. I
C A Ilailev.lsln banners at KV B ackttonehtret, j
Boston, and will take ileamre la ciirc thedtta.Is I
of thiswnndTfnl cure, herd tns for Treatise on !
Bood ard km DiraM, mailed free
Int bwirT tpeciric Co.. Drawer 3. Atlanu. Gi
ARE STILL TRIUMPHANT!
For flfteen years thryhaYesteadlly gained ln
favor, and with sales constantly Increasing
have become the most popular corset through
out the United Mates
The Hqu-illty is warranted to wear twice as
long as ordinary corsets He hae lately In
troduced the (! and K II gradesntth extra long
waist, and wecan furnish them when preferred.
Highest awards from all the world's great
fairs. The last medal recelf ed ls for first de
gree of merit, from the lateexpositionheldat
While scores of patents have been found
worthless, the principles of the Clove-Fitting
bare proved tnraluiMe
Ketallers are authorized to refund money. If.
upon examination, these corsets do not prove
For sale everywhere. Cstaloguge free on ap
plication. THOMSON, LVN'UDOX CO., X. T.
For B ud NtaUaary
Buna ttra betraM
lrss UtM 3 (sJlott of
cbi work Pmtm.
0 and tB.
End Ihr Uitraied M
oter ad prie Hat, &.
I Options on Stocks & Ilonds
! 'PITS, CALLS'. hTC AM'r(.IALTi.
Insurance AcaliiAt l.osAliistitklperatlons
Circulars and Information on Application.
The Theory if tnek Kkrhnitke sip.rula.
Mon. by Authur Crump Price -. post paid.
Table of contents mailed free r.very specu
lator should read and study this Interesting
OU Exchanga Place, .Sew 1 ork.
I OLQVE FITTING
Gas and Steam Fitters
Steam Fitters' Supplies, &c.
JIJ Nontli Limestone St.
1,000 1 0 slut-t Itill H.-aiN. - - ?1.10
5,000 1-ti -ht-ft Hill Heads. - - - 4.M)
1.000 1-4 ht Hill Hradi. - - 1.-.0
5.000 1-4 -hn-t Hill He.iiN. - - - liVI
1.000 No. ii X White KmrliiiH-t. 1 50
S.IMI0 No. C XX Wli'lf Fn,Iit. :! 00
5,000 No. 0 X White Kmeloixr, T J5
itrhiuff am! siinDffAJ-.
Oil i avm ml nUnt-or byJ0
DsMTaUh.uff ver ditr-fwin ItVsT
llowwll -onttnue lumors iurumuu -
X. curivi.rc OINTMENT
r, -s .. n..-
WTWiopA the ttchio mnd Mfainjc ,
Vti?'al nlorailoo an.t Inv p
O. rV v.,.ti trJryjC ..
. V.V "" " V'. .v o" r
M ""v allT . V .v
-UJ. " A W- jA
"J1. vT -XT'
Cnust t) fjjrJt trier, Me.tlr, ll-
turrit, (Hthrriui;. IiuiIi; CMi);ti,
hi r,r, ftrH tt.
Entirely rrllv.fi! by - tleice which I po-l-tlfli
iiiiltle ami nhUh hm Wm rectuiv
mendrit by every imyte.an who Imt examined
tt. It iHsuccesttul lncies where every other
deKeor remed Im failed It my be worn
ix month at h time wittiout removint. cm
tnt? no ptin orincniivenlence
i orileonly h th lnvet.nr
II. . U lh Itr.itceiHtrt.Conn.
p Al F KTInKK
Lowest r.il fnrsrt.
i vertllnirin i.ihhi c..i newiMtiTi sent
ddren-i (.FO V HOU LLL A 10. 10
"pnm't .New ork
LAI Al.FAT rttc!eneu trIUf ir No
money tnimeat Vddres K V LUKKs,
pr?t ma in strfnl r
CUM ino m irnlsU
llsr-tal IVarK. -ax lot
ur Dw!lltMintsr4 dvislto
a&1' -m t.rlgft
MetU Cll-I, Sm.4 at,. L
I (ENGLISH) 1
pj t s
ii U StETHATTH M e?
2(3 Kj ACT CABLE IS OM ViA f J
t B M IACH CHIMNCY AS A g 5
I 8 fj SHOWN IN PlCTURt. S si 3
ft siiaJS. 'JK i "
IV. tjKR39l' ij'o
" o v u-WlBsrvSs 5 s
5 iisaimiirf2sJ 5