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REPUBLIC, SATURDAY EVENING, OCTOBER 15 1887.
astateea Kadwav'a ReBnea Romance B
ptclliii Hhod Urrainstun.
Jfiuben Railway reared ras ml radishes,
, lltitcii, lvplirmn, roe, rosemary, rliodo
fcoJrons, raUed rustic raoLs round rural
Rhoda Iteniinston raselcd rags, ripped
roundjbouts, rolled rags, read rom.moes
mnic rhyme; rauibiul round rugged rums.
Rhoda's respectable relative rented Reu
ban1 rear rooms, rare, retired, retf ul, letlms.
retreat 1 Railuiit led rxsrfs, lavishing iml
iahes ran not, roial ranuniula-s rustled
ragged robbins reared rebellious!, reeds
rattans, running rareripes reveled.
Baoant rains rendered Keubeu restless,
rutabagas rotted, ml radishes rusted, Reu
bens rulerTeduced Reuben's rates Reulien
rebelled, resisted roughlv, resented rudely,
Remembering RUoda's ragged rug, Reu
ben res koned raveling rugs repaid.
Relentless rains roared, railroads rumbled,
mln rioted ravenously, reductions resulted.
Rhoda, rarely raveling rugs rashly ran
sacked rank roofless reins; read rural ro
Mscn; revluied rested.
Bonbon rapidly reaping njie rj e. reaches.
Rare; radiant, rosy Rhoda retire, raiuble
round, rallies, returns.
Rascallv Reulien, ranting rank rye, re
gards Rhoda, raves, recapitulates, recounts.
Reluctant Rhoda refuses, reflVts, regards
Benben reproaehfully, remorsefully Reuben
remonstrates. Rhoda retorts resentfully,
lUuben retracts, repleads.
Rhoda reconsiders, i eplies retaining Reu
bens ring, ribbons, roses, raven ringlets,
readers Reuben reparation
Reubens ruler relents, ruin retires, rela
tives, Rhoda, Reulieu lejoice.
Rash rradcis i un reunion results.
RavusctfaUy, KattlebraUld ?.trrn
1 he Colonel.
A learned TVIfe.
STae kxysws every modern Itm anil, an from a hu
roaa prison, each Ibeosophv aud uiloaophy
Is reflected from her mind.
Knows the standing, scope and status of the Be
cause, Kants an 1 l'Utos. in philology and
psycholog) ah- wade In and goes it Wind.
sat srUl talk you to jiaralysis with her "chemical
saalrsis," with "trichot.mv" add "phile
botomy ' on her sidim she will bounce,
he will LSI you if your tillable, with her sound
fag, thirteen svltaMe, ancient, aline, ses
quipedaiian words no fellow can pronounce
But her husband, helpless sinner, eats his bread
and water dinner, luckless fellow in the
cellar, thro' his lone dyspeptic days,
w hia lovely w ife bewitching piles the tables in
the kitchen with the lexicons of old Mexi
cans and with cy-elo-pe-di-as
ad without a curse or stammer thro' large piles
of Sanscrit grammar ith ability and abis
Ity picks his wsy 'round like a cat.
aae tbe biff bole in his "Irowsis" no sweet wifely
aid arouses, with complacency and patieava
bs oonceaU it ith his hat.
The Yankee Blade.
A Tremeadeoe Achievement.
Ber Ambition Realised.
Acity missionary relates this interesting
and not wholly unintrucuve tale in con
nection with bis lalsirs among the destitute.
Tbe Incident occurred last winter, but tbe
moral Is of a continued application that keeps
He found in tbe course of bis examination
r a certain district a woman who was not
' oly wretchedly destitute but seriously ill be
ssdea. She seemed a very decent and not
undeserving person, an impression which ac
corded with the reputation given her by her
neighbors, and the missionary interested hlm
aslf in her behalf, calling to his aid a couple
f ladles who were members of tbe Associated
Charities). Everything needful for the com
fort of the w oman n as done ITer room was
kept in order, she was provided with a nurse,
be yoatur ladies brought her delicacies, and
Thn at last tbe patient was thoroughly con
raleteent, they presented her with $5 as a
kelp toward starting once more on the way of
anting' aer own hviug
A day or two later the missionary called,
and was pleasantly received by tbe pour wo
snan, who evinced due gratitude for all tbe
llnilmss abe bad received. Then with over
flowing eatufactiou and an absolutely child
like delight, tbe pauper produced from a
closes a new and remarkably gay bonnet.
"There," she said, beaming with satisfac
tion, "don't you think that is pretty I AH my
life I've wanted a bonnet with a feather in
It, and when I got that 15 all at ouce I said
to myself that now su my chance to have
ana. Tbe man a&led $7 for it, but 1 told him
t was all I bad and be'd have to let me
aave it for that; and true as you're alive he
The missionary looked at the bonnet, re
garded tbe woman, opened his ll,, ami
wisely recogniii.ig the futility of remon
strance, closed them again. The story is lit
erally true, and very bkely Jiuld be matched
by any city visitor of long ezpenencei
it hat Fame Is.
Blhiks Ah! Howde do, Jenksl Becom
tag fanions, I see
JenLa Well, my name has been in the
aspers a good deal lately.
8o I hare noticed. How do you like it f"
"It makes no change in my dally life ex
cept that n:y mail is overburdened with liver
paid circulars." Omaha World.
Re Bad Iteen There.
Robber Your money or your life!
Victim Well, look hire, you may shoot if
you like, but 1 nt cleaned out; 1 hae jut
brought m fainil from tlu sciMde "inl
Robber All right. oung man; 1 know
what that ineaii Toss right on ' Life.
A trick tit" peeih.
Tricks of Bpeecli grown into tuaiineiims
often betray people into blumlers abcutd
euougU. One insLiuce of this comes from a
town in Mame, where d welt a man ho quol
Ued bis reply to every qumtion with tbe
word "bandy" ttrittrd into some sort of a
Ottaditia"! el Tt w uvn ui led that
slilicWL " rtvA
T" - saT - 1 V v
ne proposed to tbe lady who became bis wife
by declaiing I e would like to marry ber "if
she could make it handy," but this very likely
is a fabrication of invidious goeslps.
Calling recently at a house, of which tbe
late master was lying nuburied in the parlor,
the visitor was asked if he would like to sen
the remains of his old friend.
"W ell, )es," he ause-ered, "tbst is, I'd li
to seu tbi m if you've got 'on 'round bandy.
If jou haven t, it's jo matter." Boston
What .! Meant.
"Witness," said a lanjer in the polae
com t the other day, "you speak of Mr. Smith
being well off. Is he worth 5,0U0f
"No, tab "
"No, aah; he Imliil worf twenty five."
"Then how is lie well off P
"Oot a wife who s'porte de hull fam'ly,
sshP Detroit Tree Tress.
ltotatlen In Office.
Omaha Man Will you reopen your sum
mer hotel next seasonf
Hummer Landlord I shall be here, but not
as the lessee, I have obtained a Job as head
"KM You don't soy sol Who will be the
"The had waiter I bad this season."
Vol So Serious, After AIL
Colored Doctor I guess it yain't so -rr
Us, aunty; wid a little care I reckon de old
stan 11 pull through all right. Aunty
Tank beaben, doctor! I was awful skeered,
rase dar warnt a cent in the bouse fo' to
buy enny mouniin' wif Springfield Home
stead. On the Right Read.
Stranger Will you kindly direct me to the
ball where the Anarchists meet!
Anarchist Yea, mine vnent, you will be
"1 hank you lam anxious to get there aa
quick as possible."
-You, too, boil nut wrath ven you dink of
deje dings. You make bombs, eh V
"Vot yon Taut mid dot hall, ebP
"I am scyei inteud'iit of a lunatic asylum,
and am hunting for an escaped patient"
The Klud Hearted Caar.
The Caar Your president contemplates a
trip through your country, I hear I
American Yes, be will visit quite a num
ber of the great western cities.
"So I noticed. One of them, I see, is
"I have long desired to testify my appre
ciation of "your president, and if It is not too
late I tlmk I will forwanl him one of my
boiler iron shirts." Omaha World.
tne lu Mock.
Grocer (to new bo) What did that lady
New Be) Salt mackerel. I told her we
Grocer Great Scott, James 1 I told you
we had a dozen kits come m freeh this morn
ing! New Boy Yes, sir, but she didn't want
'rm fresh, she wanted 'em salt. New York
o Car fer Moale.
Cuter Cara (practicing at the piano)
Wasn't that young Mr. Featherly, Bobby,
who spoke to ou on the street just now)
Bobby Yep, he's goin' borne to dinner.
Bister Clara (simulating indifference) Did
he have am thing particular to say!
Bobby lie asled me if that wrs the piano
tuner in the parlor New York Sun.
A Kinder Horse Never XJved.
Passenger on front platform That nigh
one looks like a pretty good hone.
Duver A kinder animal never lived.
Passenger Kind! How so?
Driver He kinder bites and kinder kicks
and kinder wants to run once in a while.
New York Star.
It Cured Her.
"Good night '"said tbe youth, and a movement
As if he would kiss tbe dear girl;
But her head she drew back.
And it hit the bst rack
With a loud soundiog thwack
That made her head painfully whirL
"My own!" he exclaimed, as he threw bis strong
Bound the form of tbe frightened young miss,
"For your own -"f; sake
Dont repeat that mistake.
But a solemn vow make
That you'll never again dodge a Idas."
And there is every reason to think that she
made the required tow, far no further arU
dents cf this laud have been reported. Chi
A Suspicious Title.
Omaha Oirl Ma, Mr. Nicefellow lias in
vited me to go to tbe theatre to-morrow
Omaha Dame Humph! What play ss ltl
"It's a new play called 'Tbe Duke."
"An English dukeP
"I suppose so."
"Mr. Nicefellow ought to be ashamed of
jimself. You shant go a step." Omaha
Counsel Had the accused any distinguish
ing features by which you recognized hunt
Witness Yes, sir; he was bow legged in
both eyes. Burlington Free Press.
Nothing Like Being on the Safe Side.
"And I must make you promise ona thing
that Is that ou will not u any account
exhibit any of them in our shop w unions.
Photographer promies. Judy.
A Japanese legend.
The Japanese have a legend ttlat fish
are tbe embodiment of tbe souls of naval
officers, and tbe African negroes lielleve
that magicians assume the shape of flab,
and costs to their iU so work evil.
Philosophy fresn the Bex,
Count Erjuni;r Say, old man, I want a
cab to-night. Get to take a rich girl to the
theatre, and want to do the right thing by
ber. Hew does a dollar strike sou!
Cabman (on whom flies never light)
What's the matter with showing up a V, and
doing the right thing by both of us! New
A Dead Sore Thing.
"'- a 7aTT OSBCLa.
Employer See here, Dennis, it was only
last week tbit you got off to attend yo'ir
cousin's funeral I
Dennis (interrupting) FaiT, I did, sur,
but the old fule cometoloife agin. Lit me
off this onct, and 111 bury him dead or
alolve Texas Sif tings.
she nidn't Appreciate Him
Tbe funny man wrote him a humornu, joke
and be thought the wit was immense, and he
chuckled, "A big phenoiucual stroke Ab,
this U genius intense!" For the Hit was so
rollicking, weird and wild and of suih ori
ginal power, he lay down and rolled in the
grass like a child, and laughed for nearly an
hour. Then he took the joke in to read to hi
wife, and said: "Now, wife, listen and hear
the funniest joke you have heard In your life,
I prithee wheel toward me thine ear." He
began to read with a lusty strength, and ber
face, which was round aa a squash, it stretched
away out to a cucumber length as she said,
"What bosh! what Ush!" And when he came
to tbe point of the joke be burst into a loud
guffaw, but she said, in words like a thunder
stroke, "What miserable trash Oh, pshawl-1
Then her face grew long as a laelall bat
and as black as the oven door, and ber fore
bead stretched up through ber towering hat,
and her chin trailed on the floor. But the
joke went forth in the world's wide throng
and was copied o'er and o'er, but thereafter
ber face remained so long that she couldn't
go through the door. Yankee Blade.
Why she Tarried.
At a leading summer hotel during tbe past
season Mrs. 1 was among tbe last guests to
leave, taking her depai ture only when, with
tbe 1st of September, the closmg of the hotels
"Why Is this thuslyP asked a friend "I
thought yo j were going to Bar Harbor for
-Yes," said Mrs D , "we did talk about it,
but in tbe first place we were perfectly com
fortablc where we were, aitd in the second I
noticed that everybody who left was duly
picked to pieces by ILoae who remained, so,
bke tbe dovo in tbe fable, I staid to protect
my reputation." Pbiladelph.a News
A llooin In Lots.
"I'm in on the boom," he said. He had
been bovenug around her for several mouths,
"ra in on tbe lioom; I've got a lot."
tSo have I," she said. "I' e got a lot, too "
' Gut I haven't any sand."
'Ho, I don't think jou have," she said.
There was a paue It struck him tbe tone
ss meaningful, so he sidled up a little
lloesr, and, taking her hand in a kind of
bashful way, whisiered;
"Say s'poseu s'pueon we put our lots to
gether." And "love's first snowdrop" simply covered
both lots San Francisco Chronicle
A Itude Little Hoy.
Mrs. Hendricks (at breakfast) I was try
ing to tell you, my dear, Mrs. Hobsoa called,
Mr Hendricks This coffee U cold.
Mrs Heudrkk Mrs. Hobsou called and
Mr. Hendricks You must tell that butcher
not to send any more such steak.
Mrs. Hendricks 1 will. As I said, Mrs.
15..bby Needn't I go to school today, mat
Mr Hendricks (.tenily) Robert, you
mustn't interrupt your mother when she is
talkuig Now York Sun
Hitting Two Professions.
First Highwayman Hello, Jim; what are
you looking so blue about!
Second Higliwajman Run against a streak
of bad luck.
First Higliwajman How was that'
Second Illghwavman Held up a plumber
last night; thought he'd have lots of rocks,
First Highwayman (surprised) Well,
Second Highwayman Hadnt a red rent.
He told me be bsd just been paying his sum
mer's ice bllL Pittsburg Chronicle.
A Musical Evening.
De Browne "Thanks, very much, for the
song, Miss Smyths You have a divine
voice. Do you know why tbe song ou have
just sung u called the 'Swany River!' "
"I fancy," she ranlied, bghtly touching tbe
keys, "it is on account ot tbe swaus there I
think swans are so beautiful, Mr. De
Browne "Texas Sittings.
She Liked the Hoys Best.
Mother (nursery dialogue) Nellie, I have
told s ou a great many times not to romp
with Tommy, uud sou mut obey me.
Nellie Could I play with him if he was a
Nellie But I wouldn't want to Burling
ton Free Press.
More Than It Was Worth.
Robinson What was the amount of youf
doctor's bill. Dumley I
Dumley I pud bun (200.
Robinson Two bundled dollars! That's
Dumley He saved my life, you know.
Robm-n Yes, 1 know he sne.I jour life.
But fJUO, Dumlc'i ! ? bat's toj much New
DEACON BUKDti it.
Ills Witty Talks Out o' Meetlu' CpoO
"Papa," said Ethel, "I do not think you are
just to Mr. Sophtoinoie; I was walking with
him last tugbt. His liad is full of ideas."
"Yes, jes," said the professoi, altlneut un
reading the projf of bis Icxture on "Micro
scopic '1 bought," "'sb cui.uot realize the in
finite littleness of tbe choleri lucteuu, wbou
we know that Jt),W0 O,0ju of them occupy a
siace no larger tli in a pin's head. Yes, es;
us ou say, be bus a great many ideas, but
tbej are' goes ou leading proof.
M.EH SASIIED TDK VOLUNTEEB AT A.
"I am near) of this hum lrutn life," said
Calli pus " by, what aie you doing!"
"lulling burdy gurdiee ' "Shake, I am
wiiiiugsiieechesoii tariff reduction"
SIT FARE YK WILL, A I I U THISTLE Bit!
Young Mr. Sawbones, first year in medical
college, sees an editorial headed "The Din
ger of Ajiathy" "The lnr-omprehensibls ig
norance of these editors!" be exclaims grand
ly;"they write alsiut things uf which tboy
know alisulutely nothing Now, you take
afiathy lu tune and there is ft a dangerous
feature in it: tbe s nest quack can handle
it." Puts ou bu bat aud goes out to look af
ter a case of incipient inertia.
YK AIBLI1S HIUHT I DIWA kEV
Lawer Buluozer Do hi know anything
about George Thorpe! Stupid Witness Yes,
air. Lawyer B Ab, jou Jul Do ou know
any good about biml Witness No, air.
' Oh. 1 o dun's! Well. tbeu. du you knew
anything Dad aixnt mint Uitnees No,
sir. Then, f"i meriy's sake, what do you
know about himf "I know be died twenty
yars before 1 ever hear 1 of him."
STII.I. II Z A STAKE.
A Boston broker ! c a wallet containing
115,000 on thestree;nnd a newsboy found it ,
aud brought it lu I lis ownei The luau
struggled with a terrible temptatiou to be '
mean and surdt 1 for a moment, aud then.
forgetting if and casting to the winds bis
greed of gain as he -ramp'td the temptation
under bis fret, gas the honest toy peruns
siou to go ou the 'ouuuoii aim play every
day. "We tan tiv.t ou," sobbed the grate
ful man; "wb Luj-s that )ou mil keep off the
giavi." Ob, how of leu this oppoituulty to
make others happy by a kind word, a gentle
euiile or some little m.t of kiuduese knocks ot
our doors and we heed it not, until it u too
late. Ob, that more people were like tbe
Boston man. (P. S 1 hey are )
"WHEt HAMX TX sfAKBl"
Where, oh, where has the young man gone
who graduation clothes put on, some time
along the last ot May, and owned the whole
wnle world for a day! And where is the
sweet girl graduate, who chanted an essay
dread with fate aud started out with a gig
gling frown to turn this ol 1 world upsi le
down! And where is last year's candidate,
who had things fixed for this year's state!
Who carried around, as you'd believe, a
couple of counttee la hie sleeve! Aad where
is the scribe with a vaulting will who tried a
long felt want to fill, ami courted ahekela and
reuown with a nuniost paper Lu a bourgeois
towuf The led has divided tbe work! up fair,
and holds but his owa eight hillioutk share;
the sweet girl grad is a grand surprise, and
conquers tbe world with well made pies; the
candidate with the deathless "gsll" la fixing
himself for another fall; while the journalist
with the haughty crest has gone tbe way of
but year's uesV So year by year aud day by
day the world runs on la the same old way;
the balloon thaf u biggest round about is the
tUhbiesl rag when the gas is out
IT MASS A"l UXCO' LXXtVAT.
There Is one thing Ignatius O'Donnelly
might have done very easily, if be had
thought of it he might do it yet prove that
Harriet Beecher Blowe didn't write the "Uucle
Tom's Cabin" that is presented on the stage
ten times a week all through and between the
season. He could And plenty of ciphers, in
tbe cast; tbe two Topseys, tbe two Markses,
the two dockets, and the latest company an
nounces two Uncle Toms these, with the
four meat hounds, would give an ingenious
man ciphers enough to prove anything
At swat wV dread
"Is there any lienefit in mouopoliesP asked
the teacher. "There is " answered the smart
bail boy. "And what is ltl" "Owning an In
terest in one." He was kept in two hours.
RIAL. AID IMtTATIOl BABIIS.
A Boston woman comes out in print to de-
' known as baby talk " Oti, well, that's to be
elcted in Ueanville, where Joseph Cook Is
regarded as a model child's nurse and
' primary kindergarden teacher. We believe,
firmly believe, that a baby who! which!
I that! U born with eye glaaaes and a theory
I should be called a babe at birth and ad-
Idreesed as sir or niadam
Out upon jour machine made babel I
knew one long ago. His name was Henderson
Ingrah-uu Still weather, aud bis parents called
him that when he was in his cradle He was
but 5 sears old when llrst I met him, down
j by the Illinois river llesaidtome- "Excuse
! me, sir, but cou'd you kindlv enlighten me as
to tbe character of this strange looking craft
toward wm h our steps ate tending and, aUo,
can you tell me to whom docs it belong!" I
clutch-d tbe little monster by the i eck an 1
I held bun under the dredge boat for an hour.
1 expected a scene with his mother, but she
onl said that "Henderson was very far
advanced: his Uncle DennLon did not drown
until he was 49 " They didn't bury Hender
eon They pressed him beteeen the nages of
a Colto 's Atlas, and be flattened out and
dried just like a fern. That's what becomes
I of that sort of children. I am glad I
1 drowned him I am loosing around for more
lire hint People who wean their infants on
dictionaries will do well to keep them under
glass until I lose my tomahawk. Wagh!
1'ictorlal Mi tkespeare.
"The spirit of the times shall teach me
speed." King John.
Nothing equals tbe madness of a March
hair ou a bald bead. New Orleans Pica) uue.
It is at a circus, wbeu be con keep bis hat
on, that a bald headed man is really ludeiwu
dent. New Orleans Pica) uue
The king ot Siam has 3,0.0 wires. It
seems almost unnecessary to add that he is
I aid headed. Hartford Sunday Journal.
You uisy lecture on "patiently bearing your
And lecture from now till next Christmas,
But tbe effort is futile, the labor 1. lost,
W ith tbe maiden whose crus is strabismus.
An advertisement says: "Lotta, one of the
most jopular nctresses, always ues the
cologne " Suppose she does, it wid not make
her draw for a scent. New Orleans Pica
yune. Ibe surplus affection of Lotta, it is said, is
divided lietwecu a parrot aid a monkey.
She can liear the accusation so long as she is
not rejiorted as being in love with a dude.
New Orleans Picayune.
"I wish things were shawl out evener,"
said a Cincinnati boy, watching tbe colored
man at tbe house opposite wahing the side
walk His fond mamma was about to com
m'tillii, sympathy with the poor working
man, when he astonished her by adding, with
erapba.1 "Then we could bas'e a colored
uian and a h v! Epoch.
A learned M D has discovered that the
inuso of liallness is great intellectuality.
May it not lie intellectuality , then, that drives
tbe bald he ids to the fiout row! Sasauts
should get to work on this Drake's Trav
A Saratoga lielle has divulged the fact that
sliced dial nbe", soaked lu milk, is a great
beautifler of the complexion If she ha!
eaten tbe cucumlier tbe fac, would have
I ditulge.1 itself Her complexion would have
been ery white, but alio would not have
known it. Noiii-town Herald
An Afric-i'i tribe is governed by a ruler
o ho bus no tongue He is not only the king,
but the king dumb Springfield Homestead.
Wh don't some of the joung folks get
mimed' Wecou'dnriteuptbeafTair in fine
style, aud then we could tell you how we en
jo) ed tbe nice piece of cake you sent us.
Freestone (Tex.1 News.
Austria's Trying Climate.
The valle)s of upper Austria are dc
ightful to the tourist who just pas-es
.lirough them, bat they nrc unendurable
to any otro brought up amid wide horizons
who has to stay for unv length of time in
them. Vienna is cursed with jierliap the
most trying climate in Eurojie. Double
.iudow and bou-es thickly coated with
faint and silicate tarnish do not protect
from the dry and lcywiads that prevail
for many months, or from the duststormg.
THE LIMEKILN CLUB.
Brer Gardner's Able Addreee ou Wuaaea'a
It was two minutes after the triangle
sounded before the smoke in Paradise hsll
would permit tbe members to see each other.
When it had at last tbiuned out Brother
"Nicodemus Pembroke Scott, a local mem
ber of da lodge, bus trussed into Canady ait'
will not reappear among us. Fur de las' three
mouths I have bin expectm' some sich climax,
an' die mawuin', wbeu a messenger luformed
me dat he had disappeared arter faiun' lu an
attempt to shoot hisself wid au ole buss pistol,
I war uot a bit surprised. He loaves a wile
au' two chuTeu an' utiout fifty creditors
"What sent him oil! Dj same reasons dat
am daily workin' to bring about anolder
panic de same reasons dat explain de hun
dreds ob blzuess failures de same reasons dat
am cnpplin' de efforts uf thousands of ham
workiu' men to secure homes uf deir own
family extravagance. No, you cau't call it
extravagince, foolery am a better name frr
it. Uptoaj'arago Ilrudler Scott was j i-
bm' arouu' an 1 makiu' $1 a day. Deu be go
a situadiun by which be aimed (14 per week
He was poo' off lu de house an' had debts
bangin' ober him, but bmli was a chance to
get eben. How was it improved' In lea
dan one month bis wife was rigged out wi
a (JO dress, twelve shilliu' kids, a ( bat and
an 0ra fan He had no peace ob mln eis
lcss he obeyed her. In six weeks she becam"
ton high toned to wash an' iron fur odor
folksesj. In two mouths she wanted a bett.r
house, wid a red parlor carpet an' cane seal
cba'rs nil aroun' de i nom. In three months
she had to have a black silk dress, gold brace
lets, a tony bunnet, kid shoes an' gold fll'ia'
in her teef.
"Dat foolery has reaped its harvest Do
husband found dat be was ruunlu' behind, his
home was beiu' neglected, bis wife was belli
gossiped about, an' in despair be has p eked
up his feet an' sli 1 out. It was de natural
result. I tell you, my freus, de tomfoolerj
of de women of dis kentry am stratum' on de
chalk line till t e cord can't Stan' much me,
an' It am high tune dat somebody sots his
foot down f)e man who aims (25 per week
has somehow got de ideah into his besd dst
de world expects luni to dress hiswifeas if
he aimed a banker's profits Wivts of men
who can't keep up wid deir bouse rent am
canterin np an' down wid seahk'n sacque
an' (8 shoes Wives of men who have to
dodge de butcher an' giocer an' tailor am
now selectin' fall carpets an' otdenn' (OT
lambrequins. ives of men who couldn't
raise $-V) at de bank to snveder necks am
rushln to bail an' pnrti-s an' havin' deir
expensive d."e-ses described fur de benefit tf
"De so called society cf de alge am com
posed of false hair, false pretenses, debt dodg
ing an' base deceliun Our rich people am
distinguished by deir plain dress an' quiet
manners. De snides an' dudes an' dodos do
all de swaggerin', rush on all de colors an'
monopolire de biggest sheer of de street. Yon
wait! De man who Uses fur anoder tea
y'ars will h'ar sntitbin' drap, an' arter do
drap takes place de thousands of idiots who
now feel ashamed to admit dat dey doaa
keep but two servant cats in de house will go
liack to deir cook stoves an' wash tubs an'
take deir proper p aces iu de purceabiui."
Detroit Fiee J rees.
(Alleged ad la Victoria paper
Wanted All amiable and high towed
family consisting of a delicate and shrinking
elderly widow who is a small eater any way
and hss her meals sent in from a restaurant,
can secure a comfortable home with a supe
rior rook. Ko notice taken of families who
give dinners or who f nil to take nicked china
m a truly Christian spirit Address "Earnest
Worker," forwarding credentials authentica
ted by a clergyman
A'anted An indutnousand hard working
family who do their own cooking, washing,
lroing, ashes sif ting, dressmaking, mending,
dusting, sweeping, nursing, whitewashing,
hoiisecleanmg, carpet beating, fancy work,
chamberwork, preserving, knitting, painting
in oils, scrubbing, wax fiuit and care of tbe
-oie, and who have an agile hired man to make
fires, fill lamps, ml randies, exercise the
puirs, clean the silver, ruu for the doctor,
wind the clocks, tend door and shoo noctur
nal cats off tbe back fence, can hear of a good
opening with a lady whose specialty is gea
eral housework. Address "Overtasked."
Wanted A winning and modest appearing
male biby, 3 months old, of unexceptionable
moral character, would hke to avail himself
of tbe advsntages of a nurse Baby's name
is mostly Tootsry-Wootsey Mamma's Pet,"
but it ran be changed to "Bub," if that seems
to come handler. Can refer to seventeen
nurses now in th lunatic asylum with whom
h- has lit ed during the past four weeks. Ad
dnss "Little Angel."
Winted A graceful aud accomplished
fuirily that motes in the best circles and has
no poor relations that come to the house will
t termittcd to allay itself with a Meet
raitrrss; must furnish satisfactory pedigree,
'spply in applicant's own handwriting No
notice taken of letters not stamped with a
"ciest." Families that did not come over
with H illiam the Conqueror will be repulsed
with scorn Address "Deportment."
Wanted A rhamliermai i who is about to
foe-n matrimonial relations would like to
p -ocure a situation for a really deserving and
well liebaved family, which has lived with
her for tbe last twelve years. This is a rare
chance for a chamliermaid in search of a
familv that keeps its p'ace and never gives
iiupndeuce Salient sketch of family and im
perial group picture furnished on application.
Address "Orange Blossoms." Cor. New
&ot So Easy Semetlmee.
He was rathe.- sentimental, and so was sbs
ss they strolled along She knew she Bad
him, but be did aot know bow for as had
progressed with ber.
"Do you like sentiment!" he said.
"Not too much of it," said she.
"How happv a fellow must feel when he
has the girl he loves in bis arms, and hoi is
her close to his breast, ami presses bis lips to
"And an I it's so easily done," said she.
Baa Francisco Chronicle.
ltegardless of Cost.
" Young man, he asked, "what is your am
oition in lifer
'To get rich, sir." replied the young man,
lighting a fresh cigsr.
'Not a very high aim. But while you are
tri lug to get rich aren't you spending a good
deal of money !"
"Ob, I don't mind tbe expense, sir. Tm
willing to get rich regardless of cost." Sew
That Is, If He Was Jnst Learnlag.
"A hat was Nero's greatest act of cruelly f
asked the teacher of tbe class in history.
"Plavtn' the fl idle," was the prompt re
sponse; and tbe teacher let it go at that.
ssay fcxpeet Anything Now.
Wesha'l probablv hear of Ignatius Don
nelly trying t prove that Waverly did not
write tbo novels to which, ha sssno ia at
tached. Texas Siltu.cs,
The Tlrtuee uf fopcern.
Poconi Is sold by weight ard commands
a lead) wile. A Kiultry food it is better
than any other kind of corn, as it is not so
rit h m fat and contains a larger proportion
of albuminoids. Although the ears are small,
set a crop of popcorn produces nearly as
much as the target varieties, as it contains a
larger number uf ears to the stalk, whilo
more stalks can also be grown on a hilL
Tims Manv Health Motions.
We have too many new fangled health
notions. The men who are a law unto them
selves in their habits generally Lve to attend
the funeral uf the cranks who attempted to
advance them. Nature guides line man out
of ten iu tbe right direction. IX tbe tenth
misses it be may deserve to miss It. Atlanta j
SiMtiir Street, nut te
Chronic. Nervous, Skin and Blood Diseases
sssssaT.rilllr taatafsi tsssaVms.
Tht Latest Scientific Principltw.
has attsvtass. tate sat weave, erf al
Mcsaaa is las trcataaeat of (Bo
,,.., so which ha devotes his
issilsl avsseastea, aa. thrwsnjh
wssxra eT pattesst Uhor asva re
sasurcas ha haa wltsrwToreel the
saos latfallthto aetha of cartas)
Seavral wosjsusose, laTolaatary
esa, oemiBSlet. Uaaa, palt
.DM sf ha heart, ttasMtty,
assesses the throat, woe aaa
skla, avsTooUoaa or lha liver,
atosaaeh sue howels Ihease ter
riKia ettsssrelara that saaho Ufa a
sxUswrahl emsos.c and roodev
lac sausrrUgo taapaaaihl.
tarrtad ematu or y
eoaseaaplattag saarrtage, aware
f sfhrateal Weaasveo er aay
shor dlesjaaltacattoaa speedily
relloTod. ale wke alaeea hlsaaell
sxadec the oar as Ms. ALawaVl"
say ow-ade la hU hasrar as a
weatlassiah. aad aafldoatlr rely
a hi smni aa phystetaa,
JL. CUBE "SXT
i atoath after
RFMIRKIBLF CURES SSSTn1.
Perfertsd te H
anress. sat where taeaabte sersoasl eoesnltstioo
-TTtttha-L. bait mhmm otwdbA wnoatX txmmltmtifXi
. uwilwV yrsswn. sv
CVBABLB CAKIS CCABAHTlO.
UUUi Wlwal sTTwsnafTsT, -sssswssws-a-a-sssTss-s -,- dak 1
- M lIlBH !- fitlaT " JiftlMla IMwawsMtwH-M tJ
to asr iMrt m tm IJwall 9tmf
THE ENTIRE STOCK OF
No. 13 East
REGARDLESS OF COST!
A RARE OPPORTIITY
J. L. Zimmerman.
WHEN YOU BUY YOUR
Boots and Shoes
No. 14 "West M" ain St.
You are always sura to get value received for
your money. Big blow and high
prices is not our motto.
Postaffict. Gltitlii-, 0.
seHasely oared aad tWinssT
aad aasarrlaa lesamale la ah
ihilrr aM T th wittta. esf
taaaraaeBe. Cal . Afc
sMBVT at aad r will shad
th ajaaaathy aad rslssa asaM
y pwatUTely rsejalre.
taaasHwr frwsw this I1is
disorder, the eywptosaa efwhtess
are a dall aad asotuod aslad,
whtah aadta thee for th par.
selsl daUea. shahs hart
BBaUTrtavge lafsatl, dltriisi
th aotlots of th hoars, aa sa
f ht,Tll frohodlaaa,
laas, tlrtasT eevslly r essasaaar,
w a .fiessiro aw Bse eTlasia
feeltBC a tired la th Bsvsratsur
aa a retlrlBK, whit dspsstt as.
.. - - m -ksku.Trtltsewtt
ana, ssoe-ve i w . se
watery aad wesk ya, dysy
sla. eoaettaatlea, 'la assd
osesealt Bat. AaasTKKT laaasoen.
axely aad h restored to health
ss ssv ajatssssurasesB rressiwieiw w w-r -w
r -Ifoath, gtrtng PolsBn and lajanaa
lads, ohenTd Apply Ianaedlatly.