Newspaper Page Text
THE DAILY ' CAIRO B CJLLETIN.
CAIRO. ILLINOIS. SUXDAY MORNING, FEBRUARY C, 1IM.
NEW SEItlES-NO. 190
JT. LOUIS, I. M. & SO. RY.
fw- or tut mjtu) is irw
IKON MOUNTAIN ROUTE.
TBAIN L(ATE CAIRO,
rkanan and Texas Express 11 45 a.m. Dally
ARRIVE AT CAIBO,
xpresa 2:11 . in. P1Iy
rcommodatlou 8.) p ui. Dull
Ticket olllcc: No. to Ohio Levee.
II. II. MII.HL'IiN, Anent.
LLINOLS CENTRAL It. It.
iliortest aiid Quickest Route
St. Louis and Chicago.
The Onlv Iino Kunnin
9 DAILY TRA1XS
Making Dikkct Conniption'
Tiuihd Lia f'AiRn:
.: r h in. Mail.
Arrtvlnj? in St Lciiiisfi r, a n : ( lncun. 'ii p n. ;
Coimci tins; at niiu snJ l.lin;;hi;ii for Ciii'i.i
natl. Louis vi.lc. Indianapolis .lid point Kart.
1 1 : 1 O ii.tti. Ht . IOniH mikI Wi'Hicrn
Arriving In St. Loin 7:'" p. m , and c un-.t 1 1. 1:
fur til point W vll.
4: ji.rn. 1'ant Kxrir.-nx
or St. I,ou: aud t'MrBk'o, arrival.,: nt.M. I.re .
10:lop in . ii rl ( hli ak'o 7 :."i a rn
-1 L'O p III. 'lIK'i llllHt i '.X ins.
Arriving at CtncintiMi 7 in a in . I..n.r . i jl.- T ?'
a B).; I firl latin (: 4"" am. l'ai to r In
thi train riafli tne above po.i.iK 1 "J
liOl'KS m advance if any other tunic.
lr-Tht:2( p m. (iff" ' rtl.IV.'N
Sl.hKUMi CAK Cairo to Cincinnati. :1,imI
change, and through .Icepci to M. l.oti: a:.s
Fast Time Mast.
iciiti (roiv n' tM' ,l'fU,k'i' t"
tt.Mlli,l I !S ern point Knout jt,y iW.y
caused bv Sunrtav tritfrv.-iim,; The ."nturdav aft' r
noon train from C airo arrive in new York Mondiy
mortii'ik' at lo .:J1. Thirty-six hour in advance k'i
an other route.
I sjr"Kor through ticket and furtber information,
apply at I!llnoi Central Itaiiroad I'epot. i nci
JAs. JOHNSON. J H JONKS.
i.en. southern Agent. 'I n I Aiei t
A. II HASsuN, (ieo. !. Agent, l.btraijo.
Outfit tnrnlhcd ire.-, with lull In
tnirtliiii. for rtiuiiMi tii.if the mi t
protitatiic husine. that i.ny ulje c.in
Mienee ill. '1 he lnlli'- I" M e-v
to learn, a? d our Instnn t loi. nr. an
simple a i.d plum, that any ore c ik
trak jri'il profit, trom tlet.t.irt. Nnin.f fii li!
who U iliinii to work. Women are i;i'ori!
an mm Koja and irlria rati earn Inru'e iim
Manjr have made at the liuine. n. r or: htindp'ri
rloilar"lr a Min'le week. Notl.ii.j; liki.- It rxur
koow n bt-furi'. Ail lio i hirafe are nun rii-d al tue
eare and r'tnldity with which they are al.ie to mar
Dioin'jf. Vou can enuafe In lira l.nli.e dun. it;
Tour .jiare tlm al ureal profit. Yo ado mi have to
Invot rapltal In It. Wetakr all the nk Thi.--who
need readv tnoncr. ahmild w tire to m at uni e.
All furtii-hid frw. Addre TKL'K A t.'o .-Ati
MiW ADVEHTISKM EM'S.
SCIENCE vs. ETILEI'SY!
DOCTOR against QUACK !
A LEADING LONDON PHYSICIAN ESTAB
LISHES AN OKEH'K IN NEW YOKE KUlt
IHECl'KEOK EI'ILEPTIC KITS.
(From Am. Journal ol Medicine.)
Dr. Ah. Menerol. (late of London), who make a
peclalty of Eplk'pry. ha w itiioiit doulit treated
and cured more caeathan any other Hying Ml')' !
cian. Hi ucce ha Kiinplj' been atoniiPi;
wii have heard of cae of over v.11 year' "tniidiiie.
urci'fully cured l y him. Hit ha puhhhid h
valuahle work on tin dieae, which lie elidi with
a lartte bottle of hi wonderful cure free to a iv
nulferer who may end their tupre nd I'. (). i.A
drv Wc advie anvotie wllilni; n cure to ed
d e Dr. AB. MKSEHOl.E. No. ' John t., New
O.nrE" month (h-ahanteed - w,. win
tiav the llhilYM .hI..v In curiuhli. alifl r..)i
hlc nn-n who will permnnetitlv act a our local
gRi'Ut In each counti- m the 'l ulled Slate a ul
Canada, or they can,' if they chooae, work on coin
miaalun. With reliahlo partie we will cotilrnrt
by tho year or term of year. We will rnd to any
party meanlni! biilner.H mple of our regime.".,
hluiik and circular, with our rate and term, dm
receipt of $'J We are not aelliwi; Hiitnple. Iiiit.
want artlvii enent al once. TKEa DWELL S
IMIKo EI) MEIit HANI II. R Ai.ENCY Co.,
bprlUKtleld, Mac. KMnlillKbed February. lsTK.
PLAYS! TLAYS! PLAYS! PLAYS!
Kor Readine Club, for Amateur 1 hralrica!
Mniiliiche al reduced pricei. Colume,Nn.!.r.
Cliaradca. New catalogue sent tree rontalnliiJ
full description and price. SMrn. Kuksih a-
. ia v.- ll.U X..... V..rlr
.pom, .in rj. en n ri i ei i, in-w . v a-
A Y K A K and cxprnc to
annul. Mitiu iree Allure, -O.
V1CKK11Y. Auuta. Maine
Vrvnin l'prn Teleeraphy I Earn p(D
lUUUll Jltll to JHX) a month, (irmluiitea
guaranteed pnylni; tifllci'H. Adilrc ValeDtiuu
liro., Janenvllle, I.
NcwNnnprr Advertising Bureau. KlSjirmTSt.N.Y
Benj. F. Ghakton, Stohy B. Laivd
Halhkht E. Tainh.
Lle Cnmmlaiiloncr of I'atetili,
PAINK, 0KAFTON & LAnn.
Attornov ttt Law;ind Hollcltora or(An.riran nj
412 Firm 8TKKET, WASHINOTON, I), C.
Practice palotit law In all It" hranclica In the
Patent Ofllco, and in tho Supreme, and Circuit
Conrtu of the I'nlted State. Pamphlet pent frco
on rocuipi oi .lump iur poniai.
Temperai c I'lay, Drawlnc Koom I'lava, Fairy
1'lnva, Ethiopian I'lay, Otiide Hook, Siieaknr,
rimtotiiitne", I abli'iinx I.lu'lita. Miiuiieiuin Lictu'
Colored Fire, Itiirnt Cork.Tliealrieal Fare prepa
rut on. Jar uv x orK. iu. Heard.
THE CITY NATIONAL BANK
W. P. IIALLIDAY, I'reiidrst.
II. L. IIALLIDAY, Vlcel'redidoiil.
THUS. W. IIALLIDAY, Cannier.
i. ITAATt TATI.OH, W. . RALI.IOAT,
HIMHT L. HAU.UJAY, H. H. Ct'NNI.NOUAM,
. D. WlLUAVaOK, .TECUEN BIliD,
Exchansre, Coin and UnlUd States Bonds
BOIOIIT AND HOLD.
Dnpniltarecalved and general tanklnit bnalni
t . 4 i. J
c. V. a
M OVES AND TIN WAKE.
JjTO VE.S ! STOVES ! !
ALL S0HTS, SIZKS AND TVLKS,
BAV ID SON'S.
MtkiiufactUMT ot auil Dealer iu
TIN, COri'KH A SHKKT-IKON WAKE
ALL KIND? fK JOB WOliK DONE TO OKDER.
NO. 127 EIGHTH STI1KET,
Caiio, - - Illinois
(Jt W. WHEELER,
Summer Wooil ami Kindling
ciiiiitantir ou hai,4
At Seventy-five cents per loiul.
Stave M1 r i m m i n i s
At one dollar per load.
The "trinimliie" are coare t:avinu and make
the beat u miner wood for cookinc pnrpoea well
me cnvapei ever oia in Cairo, for warn-
nilih ue in ettinu tire, they are UDe(iialied.
ueave your order at the Tenth treet wood yard
OKOCEKIES. BOOTS ANDSHoES
1TIE KOSTOX STORE
bTAI'I.i; and FANCY
G 11 0 C K n IES
Provisions, Green, Pried and Canned
rnutx, yueens, (.Mass WotMt
HOOTS and SHOES
The Rest Rrand of Flour
alway on baud.
TO H ACCOS.CIG A KB, Ft c
N. B. -Country I'rudnre taken. All Oideri
Cor. Wahineton Ac. and Tenth St.
CA1UO, : : : : ILLINOIS
YOCUM it BRODEItlCK,
Washington Avenue, Cor,
CAIRO . .
NEW YOltK STORE,
W1L0ELSALE AND RETAIL.
The Largest Variety Stock
IN TIII'2 CITY.
GOODS SOLD VERYCLOSI
C. o. PAT1EK &CO
Cor.NInetoonthntreot) rnil'rt Til
Commercial A venn vttUU. Xll
City 0 (liters.
TruaKurcr Edward Dezonla.
Clerk-Dtlinl. J, Foley.
Oouiielor--Wm. U. Gilbert.
Marhal J. II. Hohinson. ,
Attorney WII Hum Heudrlcka.
Ho A III) OP ALIIKHMIIf.
Kli-dt Ward-M. J Howley. Peter Saup.
Second Ward -David T. Llnefar. Jee niuklo
Third Ward-Ei?hrt Smith. II. F, Blake.
Fourth Ward Charlet O. Paller. Adolph 8wo-
fifth Ward-T. W. Ilallldav, Ernot B. Pettlt.
County 0 Ulcers.
t.'lrctilt Judie-D. J. Hnker.
circuit Clerk-A. II. Irvlu.
;otinty Jiidt'o It. S. Yocnm.
County Clerk S. J. Ilumra.
Oounty Attorney J. M. Dnrnron.
County Treaaurer Milci rt'. Parker.
Sheriff John IIodt;ea.
County Coiumliorie.rn T. W'. Ilalllday, J. A.
M.Oihba, Samuel Brlley.
' F.N E HAL DKLIVEKY ot-en :.) a.m.: cloe
UT B::io p.m.! Sunday: B toll a. m.
Monev Order Department ope.n at 8 a.m.; cloea
t 5 p. in.
Tlmiuyh Exprc Main via Illlnola Central 3:40
p. Dl .
Milfippl Central Kallroad clop at 9 p. m.
Cairo aud Poplar Bluff Throunh and Way Mall
lom at I p. m.
Way Mall ida Illlnol Central. Cairo and Vin
cent" and JIU.iipi Central Railroads cloae at
AU p. ni.
Way Mail fur Nanow (iaagR Railroad closea at
:tt i. m.
Cairo and Evanvtllc lilver Route close at i.'il)
p. ni. daliy (except l-naayi.
VFKH'AN M K.-Fourteeutn ureet, m-iween
Wa'.nul and Cedar street: erviceNabbath 11
. m. and " 'V p. m. ; hunilay Scnooi l :. p. m.
-AHKISTIAN-Elliteenth street; meeting Sab
nam iu:.i p. ni. ; preaeiinii; o. i"j
ilirHCH OF THE HEDF.EMEK-(Epic.op&l)
J Fourteenth street ; huuday Mornlni; prayer
lo:SU a. m.; cveniiic prayers. 7 p. m.i sunuay
rhool V : i a. rn. I nday eveninc prayer i : p. m.
IHST V1SSIONAKY BAPTIST cnCUCII
I" iTeachiin; at ln::io a m.. :i p. m., and 7:3" p. m
ahbaiu achool at
: p in. Itev. T. J. Sliure.
f L'TIIEKAN-Thirteetilh treet; servnea san
1 J bath !: a. m. ; Sunday bool i p m. Kev.
METHODIST or Eltrtitb and Walnut street;
Preacblni; Satibath M:i a. m. and 7 p.m.;
Wed:.edHv 7::l n. m.: Sunday
nrh'ool. !( a. rn. Ki t. Wblttaker. pator.
1ItEsBYTEI'.IAN -Ei'lith street; preachlni; on
Subtmth at ll:i a. m and 7;:) p. m.; prayer
nieeilni; ednesilav at t:;np. in.; unuay oiuum
at 3 p. m. Itev. B. V Ocore, pastor.
r.l t'TU'I. U'tf t 1I1PTUT plfl ..f II.
O street, between Walnut and Cedar streets, ser
vice Sabbath at i and T:J" p. m.
SI .l.Jl. Ill uoiiowi miioie-i ...jiu. i ..-.rn
and Walnut streets; service Sabbath 10:' a.
ti. j sauilav School at Ju. in.; espera J p. m.;ser-
every day at , p. m.
f oTOI'I.,'C . IJ..n.., r.ihrklti'U'itmc.Vlnlh
JS Teet and Washington avenue; services Sab
sath 8 and M a m.; Vespers 3 p. m.; Sunday School
p. in. n-rvke. every day ut a p . m.Kev. Mast'Tti
. l.i a iiui n r I iiuuiriu tniuwiu i v ... .-. ..... .u
WTOMAN'S CHKI-oTlAN 1 EMPEKANCE IN-
T loN, hod its re.-uiar weekly meetings in
the hall of the Cairo Temperance Keform Clui). ev
cry 'lhurday afieruoon, at :i: -Hi o'clock. Every
body ii invited to atteud.
JEOKOE II. LEAi.il, I'.,
l'livsieian and Surgeon.
Special aMeiitioti paid to the Homeopathic treat
ment ot "jricul Uisea-i . anu uiscaac. ui muuicu
aud children. , .
0:!ice: No. HEi.'hili sTcct, near commercial
avenue, Cairo, Ills.
U. K. W. Wliri'I.ncirv',
orrna No lie (. ommercial Avenue, between
Eit;htfi aud Ninth Streeu
QH. AV. C. JOi'EI.YN.
D K N T 1ST.
OFFICE Eighth Street, near Commercial Avenue.
MILL AND COMMISSION.
FLOUK, GRAIN AND RAY
Egyptian Flouring Mills
Hiirbest Cash Prire Paid for Yv'Jieat.
PKOPHIETOR OF SPROAT'S PATENT
Wholesale Dealer in lee.
ICE BY THE CAR LOAD OR TON,WKLL
PACKED FOR SHIPPING.
Oar Loads a Specialty.
o K i c k :
Cor. Twelfth Street and Levee,
Tim Eoultahle Life Assurance Society having
declared lis policies, over three yeara in force, to
ho incontestable, announces Hint:
On and after January Ut, ISM, all such Incon
testable policies will ho paid at maturity, without
rebarool interest. Immediately after tho receipt at
tho Society' ofllco In New York of satisfactory
proofs of ileiitb, together w:th valid and (atUfBC
lory dlsclmrue from the parties in Interest, and
without tvtiirlni. any delay, even for lly or
ninety days, as bus been tho custom horetofori'i
and U still usual with other companies.
II. Ii. HYDE, President.
A Curious Case.
New Orleans, Feb. 4. Tliero is cm-
bj Jerublu noisu be i riff inuJo in tlio Fourtli
District in referunce to a succession cusc.
Somoyuura a.ffo Mrs. EliziWIi Siaitli died
and intrusted tlie mlministiation of lier
estate and tlie cure of her three minor chil
dren to Mr. Curl Kummel. Last sunmiur
the oldeht of the children, Philip Schnei-
der, reucliLd his nmjority and called upon
Kummel fur a settlement. He explained,
or pretended to, and then asked Philip to
siffn a ducuuieut rrleasing him from all
responsibility as tutor. Philip ,
however, was sensible enough not
to fall into a trap, and
he declined to siffn the receipt and re
tained as counsel Messrs. Morse and Bis
ick, who applied to tho courts for the
emancipation of tho younff ladies. From
this on Kummel fwulit thorn until he was
compelled to file an account. The account
shows that he expended some $-15,000 for
the benefit otitis wards. They have, how
ever, filed an opposition in which they
take up Kummel's accounts seriatim, and
alleffe that the amounts charged are excess
ive, etc. It Is related that Kummel com
pelled the younq ladies to work in Ida
house as servents, but regularly charged
them $15 each for board. It is ulno alleged
that bills for clothing were raised and
falsely charged. Kummel was fortui rly a
Avenging Her Daughters' Wrong.
New Orleans, February 4. Yemeni iy
wxn a scene occurred at Philip Hirscli's
cooper shop, a middle-aged woman, who to
all apprar;inrcs seemed to be a iJerman,
being the ct ntral figure. There rbone an
unusual glitter in the woman's eyes ti at
boded r.o good to some one. She looked
uboiit the shop until her vision rested upon
a young man of about 21 years, who, seem
ing to understand that he was wanted,
reluctantly approached the lady, and olco
being within herreach, she produced ast iut
hickory stick and began furiously using
it over the body of the young man,
who took to his heels pursued by the
woman who, while keeping up the chas
tisement, accompanied the blows by de
nouncing him as a scoundrel. He, how
ever, proved fleeter of foot than his assail
ant and soon widened the distance, when
she, from sheer exhaustion, had to give up
the chase. It was ascertained that I lie
woman was Mrs. Henry Kians,
who, with her two daughters, Caro
line and Annie, resides on St. Anna,
between Miro anil Tonti streets. At
the Klaus residence it was learned that
the individual was John Kraut, but was
also known as Jonn Jacobs. He had been
visiting the family for the year, and
has been alternately playing the
Don Juan with the two daughters
until the mother, some months since, w as
astounded to find that both would shortly
become mothers. She tried to bring
Kraut, to terms. He promised to marry
Caroline, but would never agree on a dtite,
and, from day to day and week to week,
postponed the event until the mother re
cently ascertained the causo of his procras
tination in the fact that he was a married
man. Resolved to avenge her daughter's
wrongs, she visittd his place of business for
that purpose, when lie escaped with a few
blows, but she vows that if she ever lays
hands on him she will kill him. Kranlz
has not been heard of or seen since, and it
is said he has left the city,
The llreat Churches.
Very few churches in America have
a seating capacity of over 1,6U0. Tho
following shows thosi.o of Bonic oi
the largest churches iu Europe :
Si. Peter's church, at Home, will
hold o4,ihhj persons; Milan Cathedral,
7,000, t. Paul's at Koine, 3:U0U; Su
Paul's at London, :S5,GO0; St. Petronio,
at Dologna, 21,000 ; St. Sophia's, Con
stantinoiile, 2o,D00 ; St. John Lutraii,
'J2JU0; Notre Dame, at Paris, '.'O.wti ;
Pisa Cathedral, 1:1,000; St. Stephen's,
at Vienna, 1',1U0; Si. Doiuiiiio's, at
Dologna, l:oui); sit. lVlcr's, at Do
logna, 11,000 ; Cathedral, of Vienna,
1 1,000 ; St. M ark's, Venice, 7,000 ; Spu r
gcou's Tabernacle, 7,UU0.
Cents of Thought.
Of nil iiiisliikes the greatest is in
live and think life of no roiist'iiniin
For want of hpii it foi' study, tliero
are many munlcrcrs, mid liavo been
nianv scandal among iniiiNtei'H,-
A matt need but to be to tho best, of
his abilities, and ho will occasionally
appear to advantage. (iuil,c.
I am sure what a man doth he
thinkeih; not, so always what ho
spcakcth. lxliip Hull.
Opinion of an Eminent Artist.
Letter from Victor Capoul, the great
tenor of tho Italian Opera:
Mendelssohn Pliino Co., New York:
Gentlemen It is a pleasure to play
upon your piano. Nothing can excel yur
Uprights in power, quality and tone, and
elasticity of touch, and judging from thoso
I have seen on board the European steam
ships, where a piano is subjected to Severn
trial, I think they aro the 'best pianos in
the world for durability.
Victor Capoi l.
The correct thing to do when ono lias u
cough, or nn attack of rheumatism, is to
use Dr. Thomas' Eclccrric Oil; or if ono
has a valtiablo horse- alllicied with somo of
the diseases or hurts which horseflesh is
heir to, use the samu reliahlo means of
cure. Taul 0. Schuh, Agent.
f 1,11 ev.Mnjr tt letter old and yellow,'
I !'.. ne .ii i ii-1 a ),'"H-oin valautlne,
Qi.i' . veil o'er w.th Ctipldiand with roaem,
r ..: : it::" v .1:,-", r.-h-n youth wa mlno.
Ah .: if. In l i) tli.it I melted It
1 : ' ! . : .i ceii'ui y ago;
Ii. ! . i' 'M; .i 'I ng haile and breathless-.
V , u .-: i tj . i.,:ii'j' my rlieekJ did glow.
E"- 'iiiei-.f and! cant; fui looked then the roaea
In' n'ii :el tlm yi'uri they've kept their cuah
leiH I, III",
I re'. I rf'nl n-a I araln the tender versea,
A.i'l t re-.suii d them as youth and love can do.
Tie i .i; Ms now 1 lak very fi.it and stupid.
t': Ci"re i.n top, a iflden bar intrld j
Tli "ti"i, too, nnw Mjutid a t rl He silly :
V.. ,t.i'j i.y sieet:iclej I've laldaaldo.
Out as I sit and hold the iiaudy trlOs,
M but youth rla"i up before my view
Th- prei'li.m year.', win n aeaaoni wpre all Summer,
V I.eueVry patli lay 'neath skies bright and blue,
lint, uladly would I (rive the mlio of wisdom
I .1 c I. live letttK n !, to go tacit once more.
And fi" I nKnlii tlie tbrlll of expectation
Aa when the postman left this at my door.
This foolish Utile piece of silk and paper
l fadeless, while my youth IsdeauandKone;
Tlie hand ih.'.t wrmu :1m verses, cold and pulselesa
A ,d yet. unehiiised, unaltered Is the long.
Why kc! r.'inln ten- of tho hrhtdaysaulsbodr
So, vnlentine, t hid you now (food-bye;
I match tlie C-me swell up and Id'ght your roees.
Aud fi Jin inv limn comes on innir, wistful slKh.
--J-'.jih I . ' .n. in Cltcnsw J'rlduiia,
MIT AM) union.
KhvH'iiirnKiiro becoming rtiite fah
ionablti. A hoie ran away wit li ono
of the oli- t tiiaidi in Philadelphia.
Samuel .luhiiMin delined iioii-K'Uso to
be bulling a door wilh a boihtd car
"What make the sea salt?" said
the t"iilnr, and young Aui'-ruu
sliotiled, "Theeo lli 'l) thai are iu it."
"How sb ill we get. tho young man
to ehiiivli'r'' i the liilo of un artiele
iu a religious weekly, (let the girls
to go, .tinted brother, get the girN to
A lady put her watch under her
pillow tho other trghl. but couldn't
keep it there ln-eaus: it disturbed her
sleep. And there, all the time, wa
her l'ed-ti-kiiig rigbl ninlenieath lice,
and she never thotight of that at all.
A preacher at a Siiiid iv m-IiooI ex-rur-ioti
described heaven a an eterni
ty of picnic- and wei,l yoiin men
llieillbei s of his nniivg itinn who
lugged b t.-kef? weighing nearly a ton
each, and climbed high trees to put
up swing', have left ctutrch.
A gtf utleinaii at mio of the hotels
spill some milk on his coat, an I won
dered if it would leave a gtca.so spot,
"fireac spot?" queried the fellow
boarder j'lst opjto-itc, "grease spot?
Well, 1 hhould .siy no. Wither look
lor chalk mark's when it dries up."
Oi i gent : "Ain't your name John
ny Sini'ih'?" Little boy: "Yes, sir."
"You never saw me before, did you
sonin," "No, si,-." "Well, I never
saw you either, but 1 know your
lather long before you were born."
Ic.iiue mighty nigh not recognizing
you, d.du'i ii''
A coquette catno out of a fancy
goods shop loaded with pure liases.
"You have renewed your provision,"
said a rival. "Don't spean of it; I
have ruined myself! I havo bought
a thousand tliius 1 do need--among
oihers six tooili-i, rushes." "Ah I one
for each tooth," s;iid the other, sweet-
During a s'ouutrv ramble Brown
fell into a pudule and muddied his in-expiv-sihles.
Jones, his companion,
was trying by moms of a ci-u il stick
to rid liro .v ii ot i iiie of the thickest
oi ii, vsli.ii a pasi-iu; cotiiitr) man iu
(juirel: "Say, yeoii, whal'r ycoit
noin'?'' 'My friend, 1 ant simply
scraping an acqu tintaucc,'' aaid Jones
iu u.s blandest loues.
Uld Mrs. Charles Mathews, mother
of the celebrated actor, is related to
havo been very ju vcniltl-lookiilg till
late iu 1 i lo. A friend of the family
meeting her son one day, and com
menting on tho fact, said: "ity the
way, Charles, how old is your moth
er?' "Well, answered the inimitable
Charles, considering, "I hardly know.
She must bo forty; I'm thiriy-nine."
The editor laid his half-smoked ci
gar on the table, ami the candidate,
dropping iu to talk u.atlers over,
perciied iiiinsolf on thu table and sat
down on the real Connecticut Havana.
Ity and by ho sadly slipped off bis
neat. "You arc not lukewarm iu my
eauso, anyhow," he said plaintively.
"Ah, no," replied the editor, encour
agingly, "(ho old llrcs are still burn
ing." And then a great hush fell up
on the busy sanctum, such a profound
silence that lor a moment, y oil might
have hear.! a gum (Iron.
Ghastly Discovery In a Cave.
Messrs. Ioane, linllcld .t l.laUe
were survevingand locating tlie boun
daries of ihe Chihuahua Mine in the
Magdalotia mountains, about twenty
five miles west of Socorro, where they
made a somewh it startling discovery.
Iu chaining down tho hill front tho
router stake to the west aide linn they
passed nearly over an opening in the
rocks (hat was aboui (hreo feet long
and fourteen inches wide. A small
dead tree about ilflecu feet in length
was let down into the aperture
and immediately disappeared from
view, A voting pine tree thirty feel,
lour; was (lion chopped down ami a
ladder hastily improvised therefrom.
Carefully let down it finally found sc
siiro foothold, and two of tho party
descended into Ihe cavern. By tho aid
of Homo lighted pine knots they dis
covered that they wero in tho centre
of a room about thirty feet square.
continuing their explorations they
found natural tunnels leading to two
other, but sinalloreluuuhers. Theceil
ing of tho main room was fully twelve
feet from tho lloor, lu one corner of
Ibis room were found the bones of a
human being. Part of tho rock over
head bad fallen in and buried the
greiiler number of tho bones, but ono
of the collar blades and a bono from
tho forearm wero obtained iu an excel
lent stale of picscrvattoa.
Mr. Swamp's Fuucral.
Recently Mr. Swamp was enga"ol
in digging a well at tho back of his
house, when ho became aib ist and
went down town to get a drink, Icav
inglii9Co.it beside 1 10 moiiln of the
well. While ilown town ho took sev
oral drinks, and having iis-aulted a
negro, kicku 1 out a window and coin
mil toil other excesses, lie was arrested
and sent to the island underim assum
ed name. Meanwhile his wed caved
iu and his coat being found near it,
his family thotight ho was buried
alive. They made a great fuss aud
tried to find his boclv, but failing in
that they determined to hold a fune
ral nud bury a cotllii in his honor.
However, they didn't let it be known
that they hadn't got his body. The
day of tho funeral was the day Swamp
got out of jail. Ou approaching his
house he saw something was going on
there, and stepped opto a man and
asked him what it was. The man
took one look at Swamp, turned pale
and fled. Swamp was puzzled and
entered tho house to investigate
When the servant saw him onier, she
gave one yell and fainted. More sur
prised, he pushed ahead and met two
or three whoalso fled from him in ter
ror. Afierropealod failures to discover
what the mat ter was liestolo up behind
a man, grabbed him, and dragged
him into a corner uiuier the stairs and
at upon him until, after tho fellow
had nearly died of terror, ho got calm
enough toexplain what was going on.
Then Swamp ran to the parlor whero
tl.c ceremony v us in progress. Tho
clergyman had just said: "You ail
know he was a sober, peaceable and in
diislrioiisciti.eu.a man against whom
no (barge of wrong-doing or disgrace
ful coniluct. was ever raised!"' Then
Swamp roared out: "For heaven's
sake, parson, hold on!" And then,
while ihe people who recognized hint
and thought ii was his gho-t began to
yell, an. I some piled out oi tho win
dows while others fiiuled, he contin
ued : "I'm much obliged for your
certificate of character, hut it's a lie,
tor I'm just out ot jail lor gelling
drunk, fighting a nigger an 1 makijig
an ass of iny-clf generally. Rut
tin, ugh 1 ain't a lit subj t 't tor a funer
al, Pa be ulad lo havo this crowd join
me in a dance to ecle ir:ne my return."
But the p ir-oii luuko i severe and took
his hat and lei! ; iswanip's wile got up
from a t w oiriinl s.ii t to her husoau.i :
"loii'l act like a loid, you old idiot 1"
an I the people w ho na In'l run away
in terror went iiniue in a gloomy
fran. o ot luii.d, id 1 1 y saiNi'ml litat
Swamp ought to bu uoiiaii.cd oi lii.u
Humor in the Family,
Good humor is rightly reckoned a
most valuable ai l to happy homo life.
An equally good ami usetul faculty is
a sense of humor, or the capacity to
have a little fun along with the hum
drum of life. We all know how it
briehicii'i things up generally to havo
a lively, wit ty companion, who sees
the ridiculous points of things, aud
who can turn any annoyance into an
occa-ion for laughler. It does a great
deal better to laugh over some domes
tic mishaps than to cry or scold over
them. Many homes and lives are dull
because they are allowed to becoiuo
too deeply impressed with a gen so of
the? c.uo and responsibilities of li to
to recognize its bright and especially
its mirthful side. l,ito such a house
hold, good, but dull, the advent of a
witty, humorous friend is like sun
shine to a cloudy day. While it is
oppressive to hear people constantly
striving to say funny things, it is
comfortable, seeing what a brightener
a little fun is, to make an effort to
have some at home. It is well to turn
off an impatient question sometimes
and to regard il from a humorous point
of view, instead of becoming irritated
nbotitit. "What, what is tho reason
I can never find a clean shirt!" ex
claimed a good but rather impatient
husband, alter rumaging through the
wrong drawer. His wife looked at
hint steadily for a moment, half in
clined to bo provoked, then with a
comical look replied : "I never could
guess conundrums ; I must give it up."
Then ho laughed, and they both laugh
ed, and she went aud got his shirt, aud
lie felt ashamed of himself and he kiss
ed her, and then she felt happy; and
so what might have been an occasion
for hard words and unkind feelings
becunio just the contrary. Laughter
is better than tears. Let us havo a lit
tle more at home.
According to Professor Grimmer,
there is a terrible seven years beforo
us. From l.SMtJ lo 1887 there will be a
universal mortality. Asia will be de
populated, and Europe will become al
most a. desert. America will loso
l.'i.WO.nOO inhabitants. There will bo
tempests and inundations. No prophet
could possible bo grimmer than this
Deep drinkers escape gout, not be
cause they deserve it, but because the
nervous powers of the stomach are en
feebled by over stimulation; they
have consequently no appetite, they
eat but little, and fail to accumulate
that oxcess of effete and ill-assimilated
nitrogenous matter iu tho circulation,
which in those who eat moro largely,
as well as drink freely, is one ot tho
principal causes of tho malady.
The musical festival to bo hold la
New Y'ork iu May, 1881, will, it is said,
be the greatest musical eveut ever held
in this country. There are 1,400
choristers already in training in New
York and adjacent cities. The esti
mated expense is not less than $20,000,
half of which has been already sub
scribed. Iu Northampton county, North Car.
olina.afow days ago Bauaom Harris,
14 yoars old, and Jn' Ingr&M, W
years old.botli colored, bocamo involv
ed iuaqii.mel, during which lugram
threw an ax at Harris, but missed his
aim, Harris then threw the ax at
lugram, striking hitu on the head, kill
liig hiiuluU",r' .... j