Newspaper Page Text
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How Ea Was Gural of Swearing.
John cadio in snd inquired whether
dinner was ready, and was told it was
"Well, why in tLo devil Isn't it?" Raid
"Rocauso," aha coolly rcpMud, "the
wood was so wot that the Pre wouldu't
"Whv, Mary, what is tho matter with
you? Aro you crjiyf or havt you boon
"Noil her," aho replied, and quietly
irmehl(Nl to put on tho dinner.
Tho hoof didn't melt like butter bo
twocn the teeth it rather resiHtod all at
tempts at mastication, like so much
Jmliii-rubher; and John, finally dropping
hU knife, blurted our,
"Wlint makes this boef so infernal
Wary looked up archly and replied,
'Well, John, I Mippoao 3-011 went
dow n to the butcher's nnd without know
ng tho difference, picked out a piece of
fioiuo old stag that hadn't been fed
for a month."
John jumped up, looked at his wifo
in dismay, and wanted to know what
Mich language from her lips meant
"It means just this, John: you are tho
head of tho family, nd just ad long as
you think it manly to swear in my pres
ence I intend to do the same! If you
don't like to hear it you know now how
to prevent it."
The cure was radical, and to thru data
Mary has never been compelled to ad
minister aiiumur uoss ui me prcscnpiiuu.
The Way It Strode Her.
When an old maid takes to making
facetious remarks von canmakeupyonr
mind that her cat U dead, or something
lias occurred to demoralize her aspira
tions. Two of them were overheard talking
the other day, and one remarked to the
. "Don't yon think Mr. Briggs must be
a remarkably intellectual mau? .He has
such a high forehead."
"Why, his forehead isn't anything
compared to Mr. Dood's!"said her com
paniou, "for his runs right up over the
t-rown of his head, swoops down the
bnso of his brain, and so on over the
back of the neck to his shirt collar."
"Seems to me," was the retort," "if
what you say is true, it must be more
back ru man ior ru.
Many persons can remember when
care for the teeth was of the rudest sort.
If a tooth ached, out it came it had to
come, even if it brought a huge piece of
tho jaw with it. No matter if the tooth
was sound, and the pain purely neuralgia,
it must be extracted. No means were
known of saving the teeth, when once
they began to decay. People bore with
them, pain, stench and miasmatic poi
son, us long a they could, dosing from
time to time with laudanum, cayeuno
pepper, and hot bricks, and then sub
mitted to the inevitable. Tho number
of those whose chins nnd noses seemed,
with ago, tending toward a coufliut, was
The dentists then were largely unedu
cated men. Since those days dentistry
lias becoruo a worthy specialty. It has
availed itself of the teachings of anatomy,
physiology, und the resources of scienco
anil art. .
It has multiplied and improved its in
strument. It has given ana-sthesia to
the worm, it lias its dental colleges ami
degrees. It has brought tho microscope
to bear on its difficult problems, and has
created a valuable literature
It has proved that the worst teeth can
be saved. It can build up new teeth
from the stumps of old ones. On tho
roots of the eiyMfront upper teeth it can
now insert serviceable pivot teeth.
On plates of different materials it can
insert sets in full or ii part, rivalling the
natural. Celluloid is found to furnish
some of the best material for plates;
while platinum, veneered with porcelain
(csiiieu continuous gum-work), lias De
como the fashionable baso for wholo
. sets. ;
Thero arc still many ignorant dentists.
Em pi y only those wliose reputation
'and work are the best
Quieting the Insane.
Among the inmates of a Western In
vane Asylum is a man who Is often per
fectly sensible, ' and when accosted at
such times causes visitors to wonder
why ho is confined then;. This inmato
entered into eonversation with a caller
whose dress proclaimed him aclergyman
Said the madman: "It was too bad, was
it not, the killing of Grant at Chicago?"
"It was," said the minister, who followed
tho accepted custom of assenting to tho
statements of lunatics for pcaco sake.
"Haves was assassinated at Cincinnati,
was he not?" again asked tho luunlic,
"Yes," repTicd tho clergyman. "And
was not Queen Victoria murdered in her
palace?" To this query from the mad-
mnn tho clerical visitor once more an
ewered in the aflirmativc. Tho lunatin
named one after another, a dozen mynl
personages, all whom tho clergyman was
led to admit were put out of tho way.,
Finishing his catechism, the madmiin
turned to theclcrgyman aud said fiercely:
"Your dress would show you to be a
minister, but you are the worst liar I
ever met" "
, . Spontaneous Foresta.
A writer in a Virginia paper combats
the opiuiou held by many arboricultur
ists that open country is never converted
Into a forest through tho operation of
natural causes, and as establishing tho
fact that such change does sometimes
occur, brings forward tho case of the
Shenandoah Valley. When first settled,
.bout ouo hundred and sixty yeRrs ago,
, it was an open, prairie-like region, cov
ered with grass, on which fed herds of
deer, buffalo, elk etc., and having no
timber except on ridgy portions of it;
,. but in consequence fits settlement, the
annual fires were prevented, and trcca
prang up almost as thickly and regular.
- Jy as u seed had been planted. These
, forests, having been preserved My the
farmers, cover now a largo part of tho
surface with hard wood trees of superior
excellence. These facts would also seem
to substantiate the theory that the treo
ess character of tho prairies of tho West
is due to tho annual burning of the grass
, If the Indians.
Thi largest and oldest chain-bridge in
' wwrfci U said to be that at King
TunZ. China, where it forms a perfect
rrmS froia the top of one mountain to
The Tottoring Empress Eugonio.
To-day I saw that former beauty, tho
former Empress of France, entering her
temporary London residence Tho tall,
erect and stately figure is bent and droop
ing; the queeuly air is akin to that of
tho mendicant; the fair loeks, in their
luxuriant wealth of tresses, are white as
the driven snow, and thin and scanty in
appearance; . the large, expressive and
animated eyes, half riolot and half bluo
in recurrent tints, aro pray, water)' ami
leaden-looking; the oval face is wrinkled
and worn by cruel care, and the blush
of beauty is supplanted by a sepulchral
whiteness, It has been my lot to see
other Queens in exile, other magnates
dethroned, but no one so strongly arous
es sympathetic sorrow as does this wid
owed, childless, parentless isolated ex
Empress. Hut ono consoling comfort is
hers. 11 i in feeding the hungry, cloth
ing the nakod and comforting the afflict
etC Where the poor wear not their wants
on their sleeves, there you will find tho
prematurely aged and tottering lady,
rescuing a social wreck and holdiug out
a hopeful beacon. Buffalo Courier.
A Scene at Castle Garden.
Scene Castle Garden; enter K. Tom
niufut, leading a huge bear, followed by
seven comrades, each leading a bear.
Uoth bears and men were steerago nas
songers on the steamship Chateau Llo
vilK from Bordeaux.
Custom-house offlceT shouts: "Hold
on, you'll have to pay duty on those
Antoine Me no got zo nionie. So
you tako zn bears.
Ollicer No, no. Don't leave tho
creatures here; thoy will eat us up.
Antoine Ah, out, ss;iy will not eat liko
za cannibal; re nuimals aro perfect
anieute, tamo. Sec, I put my hand in
Ollicer No. no; you can not travo
them here. We have no place for them.
Tako them away.
The eight Frenchmen, with thcircight
bears, then tiled out of Ca-stlo Garden
up Broadway. Pedestrians seemed, on
ly too anxious to give them right of way.
Ponimnret said it was absurd that any
body should be frightened at the ani
mals, as they wero perfectly tame. They
would be employed in th west for draw
ing small carts, "as they had been trained
to do that work.
A. Boston Chinaman' Funeral
The funeral cortego was formed at tl
undertaker's rooms, where a large nw
Iht of Chinamen gathered shortly bel re
2 p. ni. to pay their last respects. The
reninins were -xMsei to view for the
last time. Chung was dressed in his
best frock, trousers, white stockings an'l
soft sandals, and had on even the broa'l
brimmcd, soft, black felt hat which his
people aro so fond of wearing. Tho re
mains were inclosed in a rosewood cask
et, surmounted with silver handles. On
the plate were inscribed in Chinese hie
roglyphics his name, aud tho fact that
im was .SO years old. When tho lid was
closed the mourners became quite cheer
ful and chatty, and in a very short space
of time a score of Celestials were en
a 'onced in four hacks nnd followed tho
o rpso to Mt. Hope Cemetery., The cor
tege went at a lively jog, tho mourners
dropping along the" streets little bits of
paper of various colors, all bearing Chi
nese characters. Tho pieeeof paper
are supposed to bear implicit directions
showing tho way the deceased should
reach heaven, as well as uravers for
Chung's safety. Tho cemetery was
reached with little delay, nnd the mourn
ers were soon kneeling around thogravo.
The burial rites wero then begun, and j
consisted in tho burning of a basketful
of paper, of ail colors, iu the bottom of
the grave. On theso papers were printed
further instructions and prayers for tho
guidance and safety of Tung Chung on
lis celestial journey. The body was
soon lowered aud the casket sprinkled
with rice water. Tho mourners then
carried lighted tapers of paper, during
which tho grave was tilled in. The
mound formed to mark the spot wlioro
Chung lay was decorated with littlo
sticks resembling miniature roeket, and
theso were soon lighted. They were
placed around tho" grave with the pur
pose of affording Chung candle light
should darkness overtake him on his
journey to tho spirit land. The mourn
ers continued to burn papers, and built
a fire at the foot of tho grave, on which
tliey placed chickens, pork and rice, to
be used by Chunr should ho get hungry.
Wino was" also placod at tho grave, so
that, at all events, Chung should not
suffer from thirst. These ceremonies
concluded the mourners returned to tho
carriages and were driven to their ro
siH-ctive wash-shops. 1 ho remains of
'lung Chung will be disinte
nturrn.t 1 n mtnttf
years, and what mav then remain of
him will bo subjected to the boiling pro
cess at the Harvard Medical School.
Tho bones, after beinz dried aud scraned.
Will be Mirrendcred to his associates here
antl by them sent to China. Bostjit
. That Small Eoy.
' Rho was just arranging to settle down
comfortably on Alphonso shoulder and
Al'scves were contemplating her with
that rupture which is the top dressing of
a loving and susceptible nature, when
the parlor door opened and lior voungcr
brother, the pride and hope of tho fanii-
lv, poking tus lietul in exclaimed: "bat
lie, I've got ono this time that you can't
guess." His sjster was an amiable girl
and always humored him, so sho kindly
added: oil, I'dncev, let'a have It."
"What's tlio difference," ho asked "be
tween you and a butterfly?" As neither
V.. lit. .'a AI..1.... ... 4 I
much enthusiasm over the conundrum
I'onccy fired the answer off at once.
"Cause a butterfly has powder on IM
wings, but you always have it on your
Origin of a PJirae. -
To the philological mind a whole his
tory Is oftontiines suggested by the sim
(lest, most common place expression,
lere, for iustaueo, is an cxsTiiple.t rented
synlheticallv: When the chief nriesU
utul l'hiirlsces were at a loss how to pro-
ceeu, some ono 01 tliem. with n keen
knowledge of human nature, suggested.
a.tl I a. a . . '
"iuy j uiuw! i ins simple phrase from
that time forth became a proniiuout
landmark In the domain of language,
and even to this day no exclamation Is
more common than thbt same "Uy Ju
There is ofton a great deal of com
preisedduruiun iitti0 .umili , .
CAIRO BUTXKTFN; 1HU11SDAY MORNING, APRIL. 20, 1882.
GREAT Geiw DESTROYER.
Prophylactic Fluid !
I'lC'Ti pnrlflnd and htmt
ud. Gangrena pro
vented and cured.
vVounda uoak'd rapidly.
Scurvy cured la abort
Te tir dried lip.
It latierfic'ly harmluaa.
Pemort) throat It 'la a
E It ADICAT E D
Hick rooms pnrtflud nd
Kcverc-d nnd nick per
cent relieved unit re
fnniod bv bntlilne
Fluid sddtd to tho
Soft while complexion
mxnrcd bjr It ua In
Imparuair made harm
Uft and pnrlflcd by
To pnrlfjr the breath,
clraiiae tho teeth, It
can't he aurpaMed.
Catarrh relieved and
Rnrna n HotmI Initf utly.
ItcmoTuc all noplcaaant
Ship lew prevented by
la carce of death In the
borne, It ahonld a.
waya ho naed sbont
' the cotpe It will
prevent any nnplcaa
ant rmell. An anti
dote for an I n at or veg
Dancerona efllnvlaa of
f Irk rooma and hoaplt
alt n motcd by Ita uan
Tcllow fever eradicated.
In fact It la the great
Disinfectant anil Purifier.
Manufictnrlng Chemlata, SOLB PKOPIMKTOIiS.
Owing to a popular Idea thata remedy raid tn
care a variety of mal adlra eboiud be tn-ated with
caution, if not .n piclon, the Inventor he-ltntcd
ome time In plar.ln it before the public: hut from
the gracing auMirance by a great lumber of the
rare vitalizing and health renewing property of
hia preparation of livpirt boet hilt, unriir a varie
ty of circn nimancet be la iqnally natiedtd that
tn.' i ticcte are pern red nr iia un, mat lie uri'on
la pecnliar to hia preparation, and that Consump
tion la nut only curable, but, up to a certain place,
la aa easily controlled aa uoat other organic (iia-
While It la the aim of the lnvcr,tnr to eonver In
formation to ouch aa require b.a llypopbnuphiier.
it la His 11 rm iH'liet mat uk n-- win lie vainame to
all who oVidrc a Insg life or who are MruggHng lor
health. With a faith baicd npon the experience of
twelve yearn, he would not duepair of reatoring a
patient ruflering from the above named direape,
even though red nerd to a vcrv low ptato aud not
complicated by actunl organic lopa.
l'L st, Micu . May 10th. 1R.
Dear Sir: Allow me to pay that I ei-twm your
"Uypophopphitca'' moat highly, and for thoae en.
ga ed in rofi'riona vthlch draw largely on the
nervona arrU-m it i invalt.ahle. I have upd it my.
aelf nith the moat tntitlnc ory rttu t ai d have In
troduced it to a lart'c number of my people.
j:r. r.Kb.MI is. Yt. UAIItlt.
raatorrit. Michael 'a C'atbo'tc Church.
For Sale by all Dravglata.
Pain. Cannot Stay Where
It Is Used.
Rhuematlim la curvd by
THOMAS' EC LKCTMC OIL.
A lame back of clcht yeara standing was poalllve-
ty cured by w cent a wonh of
TAOMA8' ECLECTfllC OIL
Common tore throat la enred with one doae of
THOMAb' tCLRCTHIC OIL.
Concha and coldi are cured by
THOMAo' ECLKCTUIC OIL.
All throat and lane dlaeapea are cured by
THOMAS' ICLKCTIUC OIL.
Aalhma It cured by
THOMAV KCLKCTR1C OIL.
Duma and frost bltra are relieved tt one by
THOMAS JCC'LhCTUIC OIL.
Always jjives satisfsclion.
Sold by Medicine Dealers everywhere.
Price 50c. and f 1
FOSTER, WILBUttN A CO, Prop'rs.
Buffalo. N. Y.
(iiveainiiantA'llcl audiaaninrnllibi '
111 r. m ryv mjm
CURE FOR ALL KINDS OF PILES.
Boll ny l)muel44ifvrywiiera I'nra l m,nr bt
prtpiflbrtaMl Hamtl-a arnt r in l h) i.ir.iniii
andilHuH.-r ra,r I' i"0lirdlpr A l o, lf0 jja
kiw lIuiaCHj tMlvawiMUautururKt"4nUbM4?
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B U U L
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DR VOTED TO
Independent in All
DELIVERED BY CARRIER, 25 CENTS PER WEEK.
$13.00 PER YEAR, 20 I'ER CENT DISCOUNT JP PAID
YEARLY IN ADVANCE.- BY MAIL, fl.00 TER MONTH,
$10.00 PER YEAH, IN ADVANCE.
The BULLETIN JOB OFFICE
- o -
COMPLETE IN ALL ITS APPOINTMENTS. CYLINDA It
PRESSES, JOP, PRESSES, CARD PRESSES, NEW
TPE, JAPANESE AND OTHER RORDERS,
FOUR SETS OF DATE FIGURES.
NO- 1 STOCK: Envelops, Letter Paper, Note
Paper, Bill Heads, Clieck Bocks, Receipt
Books, Ac., &c.
The ONLY Round Hole Perforating Ma
chine in Southern Illinois.
WltlTIOFOIt PHI KS.
rjiHE yEEKLY JULIETIN.
43 COLUMNS 48.
, , Filled With Choice Beading
Matter and Local
TERMS BY MAIL:
&Q.00 PER YEAR.
Always in Advance, or No Paper.
KEEEEEETTTTTTTII1II NN NN
JST T T II NN N
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II, N NN
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Neutral in Nolli-
a m mm mm mm mm v
hh NEVER FAILS.
Ctrri mf llul. iirl of flia. Sha waa alaa Ant and
tfumb. kut II turcU lirr. Hli can auw talk and h'r aa
wellaaaajflMMlr 1'aTaa atota, bpdiiywaiar, WU,
AM All IT AM KEBVIMS
IIu beta tli OKana o( curlna mjr wife or rhramatlint.
J. B KLarcnam yuriColliiu, Cot.
Made lure cure of a caw nr lit for m7 n.
X. & Hall Hlaiiavltlc KU.
Cared meet vcrtlzu. K iiralKla and ali-k hvadacbe.
Mai. Wa. llaamM. Aurora, IU.
' Ui meana of curln mf wife f ipimi.
llav. J. A. Kim a. Bearer, fa.
rnred nv oraaihma. afif r iiwndinjr or'-r S on) wttb
oiberdoclora. 6. It. HoaioN, New Alluof. lad.
ESectualljr cured bio of ipumi.
Mim Jaivia Wm.
TWWdt Van Hurra kt. Chkanu. ItL
Carrd onr child or flu aftiT rfirn ap tn die r oar
faaiUr plijr.lrian. It liMlnic ovrr ' In II huura.
htNir Kaaa.. VerTllla, WarrroCo.. fenn.
Cured ma f Krufula ffr qir-nna for ritht rara.
ALaaar 8iro. 1'euna, IIU
Crd mrionof Bta. aftrr .twrKllnn ixmo with oihrt
doclgn. J. V. TuoaxToK. Clalbure, Uitu
fared m prrtntuentlf of rpllrptlc It. f a alnhNort
cUaraciar. Uar. Wa. MaariM.UehanleMowB,Md.
Cored mj wn of fin. nftrr harinf had t 0 lo rlciieel
tooaUa. kin. K. Koaaa. Wcat routlatn. ti. X.
Cared ma of eallrmr of nine jean .taadlag.
Graany. Mewlun Co.. Mo.
n pnriaoDtlf cuM me of epllrp. of mane fear
duraUoa. Joa St-raa. bLjuiepa. Mo.
Cured me of uruochltli. aathmt and c-nrat d'-h'M'r.
OLiraa Mtkuv Iroatou, uuiu.
ITm eirod ntc of aalhma. a x rufula nf mxnr Tara
avndlBa l.atc Jawai.u Covlniua, K.
Cure lmeof nil Hare bren well (ororer four jrar.
Ca.aLai K. Cvaria. Oi.klt. iu(lawl'o..llno.
m SAMARITAN ft ER VISE
Cured a frlrod of mine Ihj had w"ipe(x; yt rf Mt,
UtcNAiLU'CoMaua. Illilk-wa. 1'a.
Cu pertnaacnMr cun-d in- of epileptic '.
Dtriu TaaaiBLT. I Ma nri, Iowa,
Cured my wlK of ipll rxr of tram an.llnc.
Ilar Cla Fairfield, Mlek.
Cured mf wife of a aerruui dle:i' nf ihr h l.
I. Uium. Nunh llupe. Pa.
Cnml mr on of is.. He hat ui at for about
fourj.an. Jdmm I'ii.
Wood burn Maoiualn Co., VI
I FOR SALE
HY ATjLi DRUGGISTS
Orniayhe bad dlreef from ui. For fqrher Inlorma
Hon linluw .iainifor mir llluatraicd Juuniai (Itlof
evidtucca ut rurr. Adilrrw
DA. B. A. RirttMOftD A CO
TVurlU'i Epileptic Iniilinte,
T. JOSEPH, MO
The Best Known Remetjlyfof
Dackacho of Lame Back.
Rheumatism of Lame Joints.
Cramps or Sprains.
Nauralscla or Kidney Diseases.
Lumbago, Sovoro Aches or Paints
Arc Superior to ail alk.r Flawtetw
Arc Superior ! Fails. .
Aro Superior lo I.lnlmrofa.
Aro Superior lo Olnf menu or Ralrea.
They Act Immediately.
. They Strengthen.
They Kellore Pnlu m One..
They roalllve'y Cure.
Ilenaon'a Cnpelne rnroo Plaf.
tra iiato oeen imnmon.
mt allow yoor imgeM in
nalrn nft a(.mu olliir plaaler hainr a mrnii"
iniimllnif name. Hee thai the word la apelle
C-A-r-C-I-N K. y"' joilSOrl.
miih K II FMEOV AT I.AWT. Price Jae.
A W AD'S ModlwK BUNION PUSUg.
GRAY'S SPECIFIC MKDICISE.
TRAD! MMH, Tbe Orcat En(f-
iirh mmray. An ,
unlrtillnu cure for
apirrinat' rrhea. Im
ImiIhiica f .nl all
ua a euuiiuuce
Before XakiufcnvriiaAlW Taiina
dlmnracirvlnlon. iiri'maiuru old a((e, d many.
Dtbnrdlavnevattiatluaato maanl.v, coniumptlon
Ur-Fiill t.artlctlara lo onr pamphlot, which wo
dualae to and free bv mall o evorvono. HFTb.
Hpucltld Medlelne la aold bv nil drnpftlata kt $1 uer
tiacaaso, nr all iackrea for (A, nr will be lent Ire.,
iv maflou receipt nf the tnonnv, bv addrrarlne.
TU UIIAY 1IBDIC1MR CO.,
. . t .BurpAU,S.l.
Bold In Cairo by Pan- .Bchub.