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The Philosopher and tie lie.
' This is tbe tale of the philosopher and
L The former, having been bitten
Iff the latter, seized and was about to
dwpotch his foe, whon ho reflected that
the Utile InHCCt hod only acted from in
stinct, and wiw not to be blamed. Ao-
oordingly he deposited the flea on the
back of a passing dj.
. 2. This dog was the poodle of a lady,
and she was very fond of the pretty an
imal On his return to the house hU
mistress took him upon herlun to carww
Lira, end tho ilea embraced nis oppor
tunity to change his inhabit.
3. The ilea having in the course of
the night engaged in activo business o
orations, awakened the ladv. Hit bus-
band was Bleeping peacefully beside her,
and in tho silence of the ennrober she
heard him in his dreams whisper with
an accent of ineffable tcudcrocss a name!
The name was that of her most intimate
. 4. As eoon as it was day, the out
raged wife hurried to tho house of her
rival, and told the rival's husband of tho
big, big d; ing discovery ebo had
made. being a man of decision, at
once called out the destroyer of his
household's peace, and ran him through.
6. Tho widow, whon bcr husband
wad taken homo to her upon tho medl
um.of a shutter, was so terribly smitten
with remorso that she precipitated her
self from the fourth-story window.
6. Tho other lady convinced her hus
band that he had wronged bcr by enter
taining any suspicions as to her fidelity,
end. becoming reconciled with him,
seisod an early opportunity of poisoning
7. Inasmuch as the Juror of that
country had never heard of "extenuat
ing circumstances,'' and the chief mag
istrate thought that bo could put a mur
derer to better uses than not guillotining
him, the guilty woman was duly decap
itated, and the sole survivors of tho
tragedy were tho philosopher and the
It is told of Hans Christian Andersen
that he had so great a dread of being
buried alive that during his lost illness
be was careful to display each njght on
the table at his bedside a card bcarin"
these words: "lam probably in a tranco."
The man who loves to free his mind
is himself & slave to temper.
A cooking school is agood institution,
but an eating school would be more pop
ular. The weight of the Egvptian obelisk in
Central Tark. New York city, is 219
A two-year-old tootsy-pootsy told her
aunt it was "joining, because sue
"beard its fectsteps on tho gallery."
Tommy asked his mother if the school
teacher's ferule was a piece of the board
In the Stato of California there are
not less than forty million acres of land
Smiles Is tho longest word in tho lan
guage. Between the beginning and the
end of It there is just a mile.
Sir Walter Raleigh made his way to
fortune and fame by politeness. He was
cot one of the Elizabethan ruffs.
Of all tho criminals and paupers that
. were sent to our shores by tho Govern
ments of Europe last year, only forty
five wore returned to their native land.
Translated from tho Omnibus: Lady
It is just awful two wash-ba-slns
and neither is clean!" Cookexs "O,
my lady, that is the housemaid; I wash
myself tho whole day not!"
Out West, whenever an impulsive
vigilance committee hangs the wrong
man, they atone for the little mistake by
buying tho widow a handsome suit of
In Germany pecuniary damages can
not be awarded by tho courts iu a caso
of breach of promise to marry, but tho
defendant who is found guilty must
marry tho plaintiff or else remain un
married. Luminous. First swell: "I never did
liko 'May' not nearly so pretty as
Mary;' wonder they don't change the
name of the month to 'Mary.' " Socund
twell: "Clevaw ideaw, by Jovo! make
awystaws good to June, you know!"
Bulwer, Dickens, Thackeray, as well
as Dyron, were alike unbuppy in their
marriages. Thackeray's ' wife wiw in
sane nearly all her married life. And
yot in all cases the wives survived the
Post Dispatch: Gentleman, by request
of lady "Conductor put this lady off
at tho next corner." l'olito new con
ductor "Excuse me, (sir; seems as how
she's a behaving' of herself; don't seem
no occasion forproccedin' to extremes."
Since Parisians learned tho merits of
horseflesh as an article of food during
the siege, hlppophagy. has made steady
Erogress in the French capital In 1875
tie Dutchers disposed of 7,0KJ horses, in
1880 of B.Ott) and in llof 9,X). Laat
year tWupp!y of meat was further In
creased by tho carcasses of 4CK) assi-s
Nino massive Norman coffins have
been discovered under the floor of tho
chaptor-houso of Bristol Cathedral. The
sculpture upon the covers of sumo of
them, although very old and somewhat
rude, la exceedingly interesting. One
of these covers, winch hi said to be at
least 700 years old, has been carefully
preserved and now sunds in the vus
try. Mrs. Ponsonby do Tomkyns: "Thnt
lady was evidently intended bv naturo
for ft Chinese, Sir Charles! 1 wonder
who she can bo?" Sir Charles: "She
happens to bo my 6ister. May I ask
ou why you think nature intended her
or a Chinoscr Mrs. do Tomkyns
(equal to the emergency) "She struck
me aa having such oxuulsituly small
One of tbe Zunl Indian Chiefs from
New Mexico, In au address in Uotii,
Showed an amar.lng appreciation of the
.merit of bis hosts. "I am huppv to
look upon the American people, ho
wald, "for they smile ou me, which shows
tbeffoodnum of their heatti. We r
Uard the Americans as great gods as
we do the sun. They are liko our aul
mat gods, . However wonderful and
precious they are, they show by their
kind looks that they uftvo room for ua
In tluttr tuurtiu"
A wnier in me nocimuiT Rijiresa any
that ho has heard a "young woman of
respectable parents" in that city remark
to her sister at night: "Let us go outand
see if wo can find some fool who will
buy us the oysterH." According to tho
same paper's showing, it is a common
thing for highly-educated Rochester
girls to bo dragged out of saloons in a
stato of beastly intoxication.
It is said that Henry M. Stanley, the
African explorer, when on tho staff of
the Omaha Herald, a dozen years ago,
was rejected by a bewitching liUlo act
ress then known as Annio Ward. She
married Hn actor nuuiod Baker, and four
years afterward commit ted suicide at
St. Louis, driven to desperation by the
neglect and desertion or too man she
had chosen in nrefereiico to the ex
A Munich painter, who was formerly
a blacksmith, hns recently produced
picture which has stirred tho whole
town. Ho exhibited it in a miserablo
little back room of a place, but it has
leen visited by throngs of people, many
of them distinguished He has fixed his
price for tho work at 100,000 marks.and
by a Paris dealer hn. been already offer
cu mj.ixAJ marks, i lie artist s name is
Leibl. His picture represents the inter
ior of a village church.
Cazenova will send a humorous littlo
picture to tho Paris Salon this season,
representing the interior of a barber's
shop in Spain. The barber has just
lathered tiio face of a customer who has
come to get shaved, when a pretty girl
enters tho shop. I he gallant barber has
deserted his unfortunate client to wait
on this fair new comer. Meanwhile tho
poor man in tho back-ground holds up
me uasiu oeneatu nis well-souped chin,
and looks anything but comfortable and
Mrs. "Member's" appeal to her lonr
HubuuiJ, dear husband, eoroo borne to mo
Tbe Bftrten oopfls iDadlriff for oeanv
Tbe boys should be picking up stonos In Uo
And vou should be trlramlrur tbe troon.
Wbvu will you got tbruugb witb bills and re
Ptpp talking of Itcons ttxl rum,
Of milr 19 and hrlilirns ami otbf r surb things,
And 'tend to your Imalmms at home?
Fauline Markham, in an interview,
says: "We on the stage are liko workers
on tapestry we see nothing but the
wrong side. Wo aro in the shadows, as
it were, and however exhilarating a
spectacle or burlesque may be from tho
chairs, it is not very1 heavenly from the
wings, I can assure you. It has its fas
cinations, but u woman in that class of
entertainment need never erpect to
pass through life without being talkod
about, and tho more prominent her
name tho more exaggerated tho 6tories
It is claimed in England that the uni
versities themselves have long since ab
dicated their teaching functions. Most
of the real teaching, it is said, is provid
ed by tho unauthorized and outside pri
vate tutors, who exist independently of
the colleges, and hav., in a great de
gree, superseded thorn. In too inafiy
cases the candidate for an ordinary de
gree, If ho wish to pass, is compelled to
make use ot a private tutor, liis col
lego does, indeed, 'provide him with a
certain uumber of lectures, butthenum
bcr is usually quite inadequate, and even
If it were greater in several instances
the teaching provided is not nearly so
well calculated for the needs of tlo pu
pil as is the better-arranged teaching of
tho private tutor.
Although the St. Gothard Tunnel "has
been oponeM, tho hospital kept by the
monks on the mountains has not been
abandoned. During tho coining winter
the place will be in operation as hereto
fore. These monks have done noble
service to many a poor traveler in the
Alps in late years. During the past year
alone their records show that no fewer
than l.r,7:W persons found shelter within
their doors; lliat o.WJ rations were
distributed, that 3.95G lodgings were
supplied; that 123 persons wero attend
ed as patients, and that a large quantity
of clothing was givnn away to needy
' DrcsBiug Onickly.
A lady writes from behind tho scenes:
I was just realizing that they were plan
ning to etl'ect i lightning chango of cos
tunio whon the actress herself bounced
in. She wis warm from herexcrtionon
the stiigo, hut not a bit flurried. Sho
did not lose a single moment, though
she chatted glibly with mo all the while.
I'irst she picked up tho gloves and be
gan to put them on. At tho same time
tho maid unbooked her dress from top
to bottom with quick, deft fingers, and
stripped off the wholo garment iu a
twinkling. The pretty creature stood
before m; in bur white clothes, laughing
at my expression of surprise at tho rnp
id disrobeineiit. Shu seated herself.and
extended her feet for tho maid to flake
off her shoes and stockings. Tho latter,
bciuj: stripped down over the foot in a
Jiffy, did not disclose tbo naked flesh,
but elaborately clocked ailkhosc. nnt.mt.
the fresh pair were alrcalr on. By tho
time the slippers were on, tho actress
bad gut tho last button of her glovo in
A minute and a half had elapsed.
Both bad not only worked with great
rapidity, but without any falso motions
or vexation of any sort. Then tho maid
took off t-evernl puffs and a bow from
her mistress's hmul her hair in tho last
act having been sliuply dressed -and
put on the luoro elaborate blundo wig,
fastening It in place with hair pins, and
setting u lock hem and there Into place
Next the actress stood up, ami the maid
swiftly put her Into the dress that had
lain on tho chair. Every part of it fell
admirably into place, the drapery across
tliu front hiding the (unction, and plent
iful hKjks and eyas holding all together,
ftundiiifr before a full length mirror
she finally surveyed herself critically, at
Just three minutes and a half from th
start, and then she was ready to go on
There Is u bint In this for women who
aro not actresses. We spend a vast
amount of tlmo in adjusting tho occes
wiries of a toilet, only to tuko them apart
when wo doff the dress. Most of them
might as well bo fastened permanently
where they belong.
Educate the masses, and the bowers
ot wood and the drawers of water will
no better citizous and produce better
children, and tho cation via bo ulU
OMly tlMscd-rbut oducato, - i
DAILY OAIIIO BULLETIN:
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or ituiouniiuM," sua uolliiug win cure you bo peea-
l iv it lid iicnnanontly aa to take Hlmmuui uivvr Hor
1 IIM llHHM'Ht. puri'Ht V
r.d boat family mnl- "HT!
tenia In Ihu world:
for All (lUn'aaua of Uiu
Liver, HtoiuAi'b and
Ki'vulato tba Mvor
( HILLS AND KR
COM FI.A INTS,
NothiiiR la ao uiiplcaHHiil, iiotliiut! o common
Dad liri'aiii, anil in nuariy uvury rnaii 11 conic troin
tliu alomach. aurt can Ins o eaally Corrected If you
ull) t.iLu minnwina I luA, ll.il.llldlli. It, lin,
ko mire a remedy for tbia repulalve dlaorrtur.
It win aleo improve your Appetite, complexlou,
aua uenurai uraiin
Ilow many afl'er torture day uVtcr day, making
life a burden and rolilMUt' oxiatunce of all pleaanre
owIiik to the vecret nil, Jifnj; from t'llea. Yet ro
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uae STKteniiiUcailv Ilia remeuy mat naa permanent
ly cured thoiiHamla. Slminuua I.lver Kepnlator, if
no dniatlc Tloleut pure; hut a gentle aaUtant to
CO N ST II ATION !
SHOULD not be regarded s a trilling
ailmcnU-ln fact immru deniauda the ut
mot regularity of the bowclp , and any
deviation from thla demauU pavea the
way often to aerioua duiker. It la quite
aa nerefaary to remove Impure accumu
lation fr ui the bowfle at It la to eat or
sleep and no health ran he expected
wbere acoative habit of body prevaila
Thla dlatruaaiui; allllctlon ocrurr moat freqaently
The dlaturbance of the atomach, arlalntr from the
Imperfecta dliteeted cnutenta. eauaeaa aevere nafn
in tna neaa. accomjianiea wun aiaaureeme nausea,
and thla conatltutes what Is uonulurlv known as
OHIGINAL AND ONLY GENUINE,
I'rice 1 Ui, Hold by all um'leta.
Ita Drat apparent effect la to lucreaae the appe
tite. It aaaiata dilation and caneea the food to aa-
aimulate properly thus the system ia nourished.
It also, hy ita tonic action ou the digestive org&ne.
Induces more coplotia and regular evacuations.
The rapidity with which liatiouta take on flesh
whllu uoder the Influence of the Syrup, of Itself In-
dlcateathat Do ether preparation can he better
adapted to help and nourish tho constitution, and
hence he more efficacious In all depression of spir
its, shaking or trembling of tbe hands or body.
cough, shortness of breath, or consumptive habit.
Tbo nerves and muscles become strengthened, and
the blood purified.
Tho various kinds of waste or decay that affect
tho human body, though attended each with some
symptom not common, with the reel, agree very
much In this, that Ihe basis in all is nearly tbe
same, it Is generally conceded, that the majority
of diseases arc accompanied by faulty digestion;
and such being the caao, we must, in order to cure
mich dlseacea, cause tbe organs of digef tlou to per
ioral their proper functions. No remedy has be
fore been discovered which has so heuetkta! an In
fluence ou these organs aa Fellows' Compound
Syrup of Uypophosphltes.
Kor Sale bv all Druggists.
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dimness of vision, premature old 'aire nA mTJl
other diseases that lead to liiaanllv, ionstimnuSJ
orapromaliiruravo. ' w,nipiion
f-Kull partlcuUira In onr pamphlet, whirl, wo
nosirc to sunn rre uv mall to overvoni
K,..,rlllr. Mnrilrlr.. i. ...M l.w u 1 1 .1.7. " IWh
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Neutral in Noth
Curid my little trlrl of flu. Hlie wu alto dif and
dumb, but It cured her H'ie can now talk and h'r u
veil aa auyhuiljr. i'ana Ka, bpniiKwiitcr, Wla,
N 1M.1KITA.N NEKVIB
Ilai be.'athc means of curlnn my wife of rhumatttra.
J.U rLKicuaa, Kurt Colilua, CvL
Made a lure cure of a cass of B'a for my ton.
E r). llAi.i.s, Hluttavilie, Km.
Cured me of Tertlgn. ni-ura'Kla and ilrli h"a4aeh.
Mat. Wu. IUn.on. Aurora, III
Waa th manjof curtnii'mir wife r,t hHiiii.
iiv. j. a. tuia. uvirer.
Cnrad me of aittuna. aft,r ansmllnir over IliiYl irtLh
Othtr 4.clor. 8. it lloii.N, KewAlbaur, laL
SAHAITA NT. It VIAE
Effcctiui:j cured me of npirini
Mia jknvh wjiaats,
40 Wcit Yau Uurvn it. CLICaii, IiL
Carnrl oar chllJ of f!: aftir (tWen up to At b w
fauUl, plif.icika. tl havlna over mi In H hnura.
Mann, ,t,-inm, ,,arr'uo., icaa,
Cured me of icrotula afti'MufrVrin fur r'alit fian
aLuim DianioN, j eor.a, iu,
HAMAKITAW IS Ut VIVE
Cartil mf toa tt 0i, arwr arfnillng U. J wtthnthef
docwr. J. W. Tuobmum. Ciiira. U114.
Cnrtdmej rmincnily of optlfptlc flu of a iluhorn
tharacur. lit. Wu. Mnw.M'iChau!Ltuwu.Ul.
Cored my ion of (l', eftor having hit I 0 In flirhtecn
uouthi. Mas E. Fun k 1. Ur.t t'uuaaoi. Y.
Cored CC Of pllppy nf nlnr yan itandlng.
Ur.uljf. MewiuuCa., ita.
Ifaa Donriaacntlv eurr.l tn nf r,.n..n. ,.f man. wmwm
durailoo. Jaoob bciaa. aL JoatDh. Mo.
A MA HIT AN NEHVINE
Coftd me of bruucdltla, athma and e-nrl d-MI!tf.
ubniHAiKii, irutuoa, uuti.
U I U 1 HIT 1 k Mvn.wD
I'm 'rM iuc of aathina. n htuI ula of many yari
taodUi(. JcJilu L'ovlngioa, Ey.
(.014 ma of n:. Il.?lxfn wo.l t it ovi-r f'jnr ran
CBAiLnh. ct ana. 0aki.Loua:mto..M:uB.
Ounil I frlifcjjjf min who had Uyniwji.t. vry hally.
HIM IHIT1V wrvni'iv.
Uu fifrmaacotly cand m. of fjiinptlc fit.
UAUuiaamiLV. LuaMjln-i, toi
Cured my wilt vl tpii.-rxy of . y.'r n'.'n u'n.
u.iar uki ralrfitiO, Mltlk
Cured my wttv( a nrruu. diYu f ti !) at
umuu. inti Hvkc Pa.
HA M A RITA V rniiv
Cured my aoDcl flu. Ui rui lu nt for ahnnt
lourycara. j,M p,vl.
woodbura. Miicoupto Co.. LL
it run WALK
HY A1,L DItUGGISTS
Jjr may he bad dlrvct from id. For for.h-r Infnnna.
Iionliii-loar a-ampfr our liluitiaicd Juuraal tUlum
DU. . A. Kl( I1MUN D CO
WorU'i Ep'i..pue In.ttiuta,
8T. JOSEPH, MO
HAVE BEEN IMITATED,
And tboir cxcollont reputation In
Jurod by worthloss imitations. Tho
Publio aro cautionod against buy
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ing names. Soo that tho word
C-A-P-C I N E is oorroctly spoUod.
Are tho only improvement evor
mado in Plasters.
Ono is worth moro than a doeon
of any other kind.
Will positiTOly euro whoroothof
romodlos will not ovon roliovo.
. Prioo 25 cont8,
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With load poisons,
Mtmfaf.turlD Chomliit NaW York.
1 ny.'ZS .VViul l,v I'ht. I'rlcooarta.
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