Newspaper Page Text
lluNtcttor McGlnnl ia one of tho most
BOHpitioua mm in Austin. A (uw duys
ftiru ho took Marshall Thompson usmo,
u4 told him ho bad discovered tho
partloa who comraitiotl tho recent bur-
"Where aro they?"
"During tho day tlicy ntuy out in tho
suburbs. I've soon them more thnu s
dozen times. They are quite young
boys, and are always uudduvi cioso io
irotlicr, and havo thoir hats pulled over
thoir oyes, aa u tuny wore iifrma to ukk
aav bodv in Uio faca You never see
ur of them slon", but always several
of thein tomuher.
Marshall Thompson told llostttttor
JUcGinols to jump in his buggy, and
tney arovo out u where- tite supposed
burglars hold their meeting. Suro
enough, thcro wcro several boys, sitting
down by a feneo, cloe topetlier, with
thoir hau pulled over their eyes. When
tho city marshal Paw tho burglars ho al
most fell out of tho bii2y. fie laughed
00 tho horso got scared, and tried to run
away, possibly to etie.nio from tho burgw
lara. When bo canio to, ho said to llos
tetter McUinnis, "Why, you darned fxl,
thow young men belong tJ tho blind
asylum. They aro almost entirely blind,
o they pull their hata over their eyes
jjSuse.Uiongbt tuna Uiom, and they
keep clone together tor tear they will
nnt hn fthlfl to find each oilier "
HoHtcttcr's friends havo got wind ol
burglars In his jtrcsenco ho bristles up
and says, "Do you mean to insult mo,
Bir?" Texas Silings.
m a '
Where the Ladles aro Inferior.
Of courso women aro Inferior to us
lords of creation. Wo soo and foci this
hourly. Tako dress for example. What
man, however idiotic, would perruit his
bcart, lungs und stomnch to bo Ukced in
a pair of corsets, until brenthiD", circu
lation and digestion come to bo diseases?
What man oulsido of au asylum for idi
ots, would permit from live, to twenty
pounds to bo swung from his hips, over
a pair of 6hocs that havo the heels whero
the soles ought to be? Whcro is tho
lunatic willing to pile pounds on pounds
of dead hair on his skull? And all bo
cause some skinny old milliners aud lor
ettes of Tarid make it tho fabhiou.
Jokes from Harper.
An iutlniato friend of tho Into Rev.
Dr. J. 11. Wakcley tells au amtuing anec
dote of him, as follows:
The doctor was a most Inimitable de
lineator, and fond of a good story. Ho
related to me, with great glee, now ho
extricated blmsolf onco from a most
awkward dilornniiw. IVeaching; In a
Hudson River town on a warm summer
afternoon to a congregation of fanners
mainly, from the text, "If any man draw
back, my soul hath no pleasure In him,"
be Inadvertently observed, "My breth
ren, sheep never tight" Those who
were awako looked upathini, and show
ed, by their Interest, that tho minister
had never seen two old rums trying to
butt each other's brains out Tho doo
tor discovered his mistake as soon s
they did, but not seeing his way out of
it, ho repeated the sUitoment with great
er emphasia TIwho of his audknico who
.wore awako nudgtnl tbulr sleeping brttli
roo, who, on opening their eyes, looked
about to see what had hapjiened. This
preatly embarrassed tlte do!tor, and ho
waa now sadly puzzled. Ho ventured,
with still greater emphasis, to repeat tho
ftatemeoU "My brethren, sheep tuvcr
fight," when luckily ho saw his way out,
and doubling his lift, struck it into tho
palm of the other hand, adding, with
gemiino unction, "cxa.pt tficyjirai draw
Senator Vance, of North Carolina, is
one of tho plo:uaute-st raconteur in Con
trw, and Congress is full of gfKKl story
tellers. Soiuebodv hftviiiir rno.ent.lv hikt.
rested to him that he should emulate in
Forth Carolina tho part undertaken by
General Mahono in Virginia, Senator
Vance replied that in such a position ho
would bo, like a Texas chap who killed
a man and was advised by his lawyer to
"Fly where?" responded tho despera
do "ain't I in Texas already?"
A clerical friend, whoso puroehlal la
bora are discharged in a rural villngo not
a thousand miles from New York, con
tributes tho following:
Tho Drawer helps its readers, especi
ally tho clerical jwrtion, to laugh and
grow fat, by reason of Its many sayings
about and hita upon "the clotlu" Hero
b a clipping to bo enjoyed by all, and to
aorve as a warning to the aforesaid por
tion. Among tho deaths tho announce
ment is made in usual form:
"At , after a short but severe ill
ness, , tho wifo of tho Kev
Among the local items t ho cause of tho
Illness is mado public: "Tho wifo of tho
Eev. listened to her husband's
E reaching Sunday before lust, and died
i convulsions lio following Tuesday
Tho Southern Historical Society of
Louisville, Kentucky, iu December la; t
cave a banquet at tho Gait House to
General Frank Cheathem, of Tennessee,
od tho Federal Historical Society wcro
Invited, and attcndtd in u body. At tho
banquet wcro ruauy distinguished sol
fliers of each army, and from this num
ber bud been selected seven gentlemen
three w-Fedemls and three ex-Confederates,
und General lilaekbiirn, of
Kentucky, Ui respond. The toast-master,
General Ilasil W. Duke, announced
that there would bo do volunteer toasts.
After tho toasts were responded to, tho
Bfiv. Dr. burrows, of Louisville, asked
od obtained permission to relate an in
cident of hisoarly ministry, which ho
Eve as follows: Some forty yean ago
lived in tho family of ex-Governor
Lazarus W. Powell, and ono of tho eor-
todu was a spoiled, mischievous lad of
twelve, who was quite obtuse as to tho
title to etnall articles. In those days it
, waa not only legal but eminently pious
to flagellate a colored lad. One d uy tho
Govornor caught tho loy in the act of
appropriation, and tho simedy conse
quential lio, and immediately proceeded
to rtrap him. At tho lirst tap tho lud
creamed "Murder!" at tho second,
Mercy, mars' 1" and at tho third, "O,
Ey tor mo, mare' I" To this last ttppeal
Govornor responded, "You young
raacal, pray for yourself." No sooner
add than done. Down dropped he on
Uf taw, und putting up Lis clasped
hands, and rolling up his eyes uutil
nothing but tho whites com id bo seen, ho
said, "I.'.t's look to de Lord for u Ulu
ing, ami be dismtisvd .'"
Romn yenrs ago, when tho )ato Judge
M. was holding court in ono of tho in
terior countit's of Maine, a case was call
ed which hud long been in litigation.
The costs coiuiitlentbly exceeded tho
amount at Issue, anil tho judge, think
ing It impracticable to keep the suit
longer in court, advised tho parties to
refer tho matter, whereupon they as
sented, ami agreed to refer tho case fr
three honest men. Tho judge said tho
caso involved some legal pointn which
would requlro 'one of tho referees, at
least, to have a knowledge of law; there
fore ho would suggest tho propriety of
their selecting ono lawyer and two hon
A party of Texan wagoners, after a
hard day 8 pnlh wcro chatting around
tho camp fire over their pipes.
"Sambo, me b'y," exclaimed Pat, a
rollicking Irishman, to a jolly darkey,
"tell us what makes yer noso ho flat."
. "Dun'no, Mars' Pat," answered Sam:
"1BH; I 'sikjc' it's to keep me from poiiu'
Into udder people's business."
Pntravo a long w histle, amidst the
roar of his companions, and went to
look after the mule, a sadder and a
At a late term of tho Supreme Court
held nt Alfred, Maine, an old gontleman
who was somewhat deaf was on tho wit
ness stand. Tho judge had occasion to
"Hey?" said (ho old man, his hand
at the back of his ear.
The judge repeated his words, when
tho old gentleman innocently said, "I
fiiess you'll havo to step this way, jedge;
'tn a lectio hard o1 hearinV
A youngster on passing the old homo
Ftnd from which tho family had been
removed for some time, and which tho
lad had often had pointed out to him as
tho houso in whieh he and his littlo
brothers had been born, on seeing tho
old houso removed preparatory to tho
erection of a new one, surveyed in sil
ence for n few momenta tho changed
scone, and then said, pathetically, "0,
papa, we wa'n't born nowhere now, was
Concerning deaf men, was there ever
a neater bit than this, rolated at tho
dinner-table of tho late James T. Fields:
A deaf man, lately married, was ask
ed at the club about his bride: "Is she
"No," replied tho deaf gentleman.
"No, sho is not; but she will bo when
her father died!"
A clergyman of tho Northwest sends
this little anecdote on himself:
"I was invited to attend a ladies' so
ciety meeting in connection with ray
church. At supper tho acoustic defects
of tho audience-room were discussed,
when I spoko very freely against them,
saying, as a climax:
" 'I believe it would havo killed the
animal that spoke to Balaam to have
brayed in it moro than once.'
" 'So bad as that?' soliouuized a dear
friend of mlna 'Why, wo hear you very
well In it twice every Sunday.' "
Two of our clerical friends in a West
ern city, not long ago, met ono Monday
morning, when Dr. Summcrlicld ex
claimed: "Why, Brother Iloborto, you look
bluer than bluo Monday! What is tho
"Yes, brother," answered Keborts; "I
am in great perplexity about my Sunday-school.
I wonder if you can help
me! Could you recommend to mo an in
telligent Christian deaf-mute? I want
him us a superintendent"
"No, I can't," replied tho doctor. "Ii
I could find such a ono, I should want
him for my own school"
Silk culturo is already an occupation
in fourteen States of tho Union.
There is extraordinary activity just
now in tho shipbuilding yard of the
Tyne. Tho weekly pay-roll of ono lirm
was e.'it'iiu live dnlhin of ,.",i .1,000.
Charms strike the sight, but merit wins
tho soul. J,pc.
Good, the moro communicated, moro
abunuant grows. Milton.
All th:it is human must retrograde if
it do not advance (iiJon.
Human nature has a much greater
genius for sameness than for ori-nualitv.
IjOwM. j ,
If every year wo would root out ono
rico, we should sooner becomo perfect
uon Tltomis a KctnjiU.
Southern Antidote for Malaria.
It should bo generally known that Sim
mons Liver lleL'ulator. is relied unon to se
cure to tho people immunity from all mala
rial HiBor-Jirs. mat tins meuiciue doeii
what iB claimed for it is proved by its popu
larity, ana any ono who has lived in tho
South three years has no doubt seen it
curative elfccts and tho protection it gives
against tiio return of this weakening and
An agreeablo dressing lor tho hair, that
will btop its falling, has been long sought
for. Parker's Hair Balsam, distinguished
for its purity, fully supplies this want.
furnished with teeth rendered pesrly Hud
Rlibtonlng by fragrant Boaodont, usually
regarded as an iudispensablo adjunct of tho
toilet, are perfectly betwiching. Bo irre
Hmtiblo does tbo broad cloth Bex find them,
that it requires tho utmost self restraint to
forebear imprinting a kiss upon thorn
wucru ever Been, wo corrosivo substanco
contaminates this standard benutiflcr of the
teeth, frmn which it removes every im
purity. Ush it regularly.
HIh last Dose.
Bftld a SUlTlirer from Iritlnnv trnnlilna
when asked to try Kidney-Wort. ''I'll try
U urn ii win oo my met oobo." rue man
ot well, nnd Is now recommending tho
remedy to all.
When derangement of the stomach acts
"pen tho kidneys vnd liver bringing dis
ease and ruin, Kidney-Wort ia tho truo
remedy, i tmowt tho causo and curoa
the diBuaso. Liquid (very concentrated) or
dry act equally ttUck'iitly. Am. Cultivator.
DAILV OAIH0 BULLETIN; 8ATUKDAY MORNING, MAY " 13, rl 889.
if ,i. t..i vi,illt.i.ttd. bavo frequent hnad'
cho. moutti Unto badly, poor ..tllB nod tunsna
costed. you lire miffcrliiK from torpid liver, or bll-
. . . i . ...ii i ...... k,r.i it aiiHUfll u una
pertiiaiu ntly a to tuku bimmou Uvcr HeguUtof
Tiia rhnaiieat nnri'flt Ll0
fid hitnt fumllvmod
Iclmi in tliu world!
An KflVctuiil Mjiorlflc
for all dlHiamiKurUiii
Ltvr, Utomacb and
Hiuiilttto thj Liver
CI(lLl.t AM) tK
(MIM I'LA INTH,
Nnlhliitf Is io uiipli'iKant, notLliig rt common
bud breath, and In nearly uvory cmj tt comri Irom
tho ftomarh, and can he to vnttlly corrected If you
will take Simmons Liver Hi'uulatur. Do cot wg
Irct fo Hur a remedy for tl)l rupulnlva dlaordor.
It will Io Improve your Aipetiiu, Complexion,
and Uoticrul llfalth
How uinny mffir tort nro day nfter day, rnaklnR
I'fo a bunlt a aud robnlni; exlatvuco of all pleacnre
owing to the nocrct rufferlng from l'llus. Yet ro
litif ik rt'atly to tho band of almof t any ono w ho will
unu nypti'tiititlcaUv the remedy that bna pormoLent
I cured tti.nii)(lB. Hlniinoiih' Liver Kei;nlator, U
no drastic violent porRe; but a koMIo ai.lULt to
CONSTII'ATI ON" !
SllOt'I.I) not ho r'Carded an a triflinR
allmeuN in fact nature demanda the ut
ni'ift regularity of the bowulr, and any
deviation from thle demand iiavva the
way often Co ecrlouH daror. It ia quite
at tK'ci'Hfary to r move impure accomn
Ultoiia fr.m tbe boweU bk :t la to eat or
s'eep. and no health can be expected
hero acoctlve habit ol boily pruvalla
Thla dlstreaslng b miction ocenra moHt frequently
The dlfittirbhiice of the utomach, arlinu fWm tho
Imperfectly Cltt't'ti'd coutenta, cause a severe pain
in tho hei'i. arcumpatiled with dliirreble naimea,
and thia conftltutee what la popularly known aa
ORIGINAL A'SD ONLY GENUINE,
Price l 00, Sold by all DruiuUtB.
I te flmt appureut effect lit to Increase the a;ipo
tlto. It wuleti) digestion and caufeatbo food to as
al:i;u!ate properly thti tho aystem U nonrlshed.
It also, by Its toalc action on the digestive organs,
Induces more copious and regular evacuations.
Tbe rapidity with which patlcuts tako on fleth
while under theinfliteuco nf tho Syrup, ofltseifln
dlcates thut no other preparation can be better
ndaptedto nelpand nourish thn constitution, and
hencob'.- more efucaclougln all depression of sjilr
Its, shaking or trembling of tho hands or body,
eouj(b, shortness of broath, or consumptive habit.
Tbo nerves aud muscles become strengthened, and
the blood purified.
Tho various kluds of wastu or decay thut affect
tho human body, though attended each with some
syuiptom not coniuins with the rei-t, aicreo vurv
much In this, that the Ivieis In all la n curly tbo
saiiio. It is ueueral'.y conceded, tuat thu majority
of dineasjs are accompanied by faulty digestion;
and such being the caso, wo must, in order to euro
such dtxea-es, cuuse tho organs of digestion to por
lorm their proper functions. No remedy has be
foro been dlrcovercd which has so beneficial au In
fluence on llicso organs as Fellows' Compound
Hyrup of Ilyliophospbitcs.
For Bale by all Druggists.
If you suffer from dyspepsia, nsn
IIURDOCK BLOOD BITTEKS.
If you am ufflii tcd with blllonsuess, noe
BUIiDOCK BLOOD BITTEKS,
If ftn are prostrated with sick headache, take
BUHDOCK BLOOD BITER8
If your bowels arc disordered regulate them with
BUKBUCK BLOOD BITTEltS.
If your blood Is Impure, purify It with
BUKIIOCK BLOOD BITTEKS
If yon have iDdlgestlon, you will find an antidote in
BURBOCK BLOOD BITTER8.
If yon are troubled w ith spring compla.nts, cradl
Icato them with BURDOCK BLOOD BITTEKS.
II your liver is torpid restore it to healthy action
with BU RDOCK BLOOD BITTERS,
If your liver Is affected you will find a ebure reBtor
tlvo In BURDOCK BLOOD BITTERS.
If you have any species of humor or pimple, full
not to tako BURDOCK BLOOD BITTERS.
If yon havu any elmptoms of ulcers or Bcrofuloui
sores, acnrativo remedy will be found In
BURDOCK BLOOD BITTERS,
For Imparting strength and vitality to the system,
nothing can equal BURDOCK BLOOD BITTERS.
Kof Nervous an General Debility, tono op the
lystemwlth BURDOCK BLOOD BITTERS
I'KICB 1 l'RU DOTTLE i TltlM DOTl l.EH, Kiel's,
FOSTER, M1LBURN ft CO., I'rop'rs,
BUFFALO, N. Y.
For sale by PAUL O 8CIIUU. (i)
OKAY'S SPECIFIC MEDICINE.
TRADI M(IK. Tbe Orcnt Enu.
llsli remedy, An
iiufullliiK cure for
seminal weakm ss
potency and all
flliifi,i'a IhHt fuliiu
sjEiFv as a soqneuco
SUL'ttWCtV f" aunttonsi'; asA!
dlmnofs of vision, tirenmture old airo. and tnTnv
othor diseases that load to Insaultv, consumotlon
ur a prnmaturn eravn. '' vu
TKull particulars in mir pamphlot, which we
Ouslre to send free bv mall to evervone. tWThu
Hpuclllc Medicine Is sold bv all dmlst at l nor
parBairu, or Biz packaeea for fA or will bes nt free
bv aiallou receipt ol the mom v, bv addresslm?
TUB ORAY MRIMCINB ! cfi'.,
On accctmt of coimterfuits, wo liav ''hiioed'tha
Yellow Wrapper; tho onlv Kemilne. tiuaiauteua
8old In Cairo by Y. U. HCirrn
Whololulo Aeents, Morrison, I'tumber ii Co
BBBBBBo UUU UUULLL
BBBBBB ITUU LLLLLLL LLLLLLL EEEEEEB TTT IIIII NN
Independent in all
DELIVERED BY CARRIEfl, 23 CENTS PIR WEEK.
118.00 PER YEAR, 20 PER CENT DISCOUNT IF PAID
YEARLY IN ADVANCE. BY MAIL, $1.00 PER MONTH,
tlO.OO PER YEAR, IN ADVANCE.
The BULLETIN JOB OFFICE
COMPLETE IN ALL ITS APPOINTMENTS. CYLINDA R
PRESSES, JOB PRESSES, CARD PRESSES, NEW
TVPE, JAPANESE AND OTHER BORDERS,
FOUR SETS OF DATE FIGURES.
NO- 1 STOCK: Envelops, Letter Paper, Noto
Paper, Bill Heads, Cheek Books, Reeeipt
'Books, tc., &c.
The ONLY Round Hole Perforating Ma
chine in Southern Illinois.
WTtlTEFOU Pit! KB.
JHE yEEKLY JjULIETIN.
48 COLUMNS 45.
Fillod With Ohoioo Bonding
Matter and Local
TERMS BY MAIL:
$2.00 PER YESA.R.
. Always in Advance, or No Taper.
EEEEEEE TTTTTTT IIIII NN NN
K ET T T II NN N
EEEE T II. N N N
L E E T II N NN
Neutral in Noth
Cnrert my llulo clrl of 111. hlei u n:o di-f wj
diiinl., but H i iirgij li r hlir Cud now mm ni h'r a.
well a auyliudy. I'd an lions, bpnngw.ur. Wit,
Uoi been the uieatu of dirmn my w!(e of rhfumatttB.
J. U Flkiijiixii, Fun Uilllut. CL
Made a sure euro of a cuv of flu for mr tnrr.
K li. Halih. Hiutt.vlile, Kao.
aiM lHlTAN VKHV1MB
Cored roe of vertl(. n. urii.-fj nn.l ! k b'-alu-Jie.
Mm. Wji. I! asauM. Aurwra, I1L
Wai the mcuusof cur'.nK tny vlfr 1
lltv. J. A. Euii. Urtrar. Fa,
Cnrd m of ulliiu. afti r tp'tidln iwt is OCT) wltft
oOjcr JoC.ori. b. It H ihu:i, New Alluy. lod
Effectually ourcd n.e of -i'-..in
M.i. JNI WRIW,
:tfl1V.-t Viiu 0 u. a St. Chlct. IX
HAM Wil l A EltVI.VB
CnnM our child of flt ai. r (then up to 41 by e
faudly pl.y.ietan. it l.ni'.-isnw Iu U hour.
Misey K.tca Wrvlll. WmnnCo., Teoa.
Cured m of scrolula aft. r uffiTln f ir f'lttit jtr
ALBaar Snw, I'.orta, Id.
CurM my I'jb of a:. a'vr ;ni!r.,j U. 0 with othef
dvotum. J. w. Tu iKM'iK, (.,!ixinj, Mim.
Cnifd m p.-'insn.-'i'iy -t eHi- MIc fl'f of a ituMwro
cUutir. 14 .-. V M.iai ii.Mv hanlc.town.aia.
HAM.llllTA V MEKV1NE
Cured my tvn nf flu, af:.-r tuv'ng 1ml l vn In tgMeen
tuuaOuk Mat t. K .1111. r .u.l:u, N. jr.
SA M AUlTA.V K1IVIVB
Cured tnc of pll pv of n!m ' staadlng.
ill,, Oitt.rt't M ,'iulu
Uraiiliy. -NcMuil C. , Ua.
nmnnr.a.v.'!iti) cur-t tin- of f.tii.jy of many rrit
duraiiua Jiisarttn, buJu-i.a, Ma.
Cured tne of LroU':h!t!i. nrvn nd g. n'.ai d. Wl!tf,
oi.Ka Mraiis Irunlua, Otuow
HA MA RITA NFKVIE
nal carrd u,u uf u'ifnt. 11 ,1 r ,m: of mny ytatt
avaail.ua. ii. ,)wa:.L. t oln-.i.ia, Ey.
Cufl me of r.-n. 1- -n f.r mr four THt
Cnat K. Ct trii, t-Mt. U jr.t u.t. ,ii;nn,
MAM IRITV.N KKIE
WW a frl'.ol of ni if i.- m; . .ij,,,.. .1, ,rry kadw.
ihciiiSiu'C, jva Itiway. J'a.
Ilu permaaeitt; ew 1 m : f ;'..;,.!, ri
ftiviu l am av. !) Mulaca, Ia
CWitl 0.y wif'j ol t i-: 1 .,f V, j r,r, iin llrf
Ilas-ar Clikk K;;ar.J, Mick.
CttWd B.y wile wf a 0T., 1. ,iS,.... f t(w 1,,
E Osiuaw. .Ior,b Ui(w, Pv
, HAMIRITAN VERTINE
Cun-d my ou ol fii6. He i,m r, r' ii,,t . it fur about
VTxMUiurn. MucuMa Co., IlL
It roii SALE
BY AL.L. DRUGGISTS
Or msy I h4 dl'o t from n. For for hvr lnforaia
lon lurli.fci camp for our luuntra'.td Journal a!vki
(la;ueci of run a. AJ ln i.
Oil. H. A. KUnUOD A CO
World's EiOi pt!c Itintttuta,
8T. JOSEPH. MO
HAVE BEEN IMITATED,
And thoir cxcollont reputation in
Jurod by worthlor-simitatiOEs. The
Publio aro cautionod againBt buy.
ing PlaBtors having similar sound
lag nuuioa. Boo that tho word
C-A-P-C I N-E iH correctly epollrd,
Aro tho only improvoznent ovor
mado in Flastors.
Ono is worth moro than a donon
of any other kind.
Will positiroly euro whero othor
remodioa will not ovon roliovo.
Prico 25 cont8.
Dowaro of cheap I'lastors mado
with lead poisens.
Wuitiff.tarir,g Chemists, Now Tor
AHVUU Kr.HlitlVAT LAhiTi'lYlceVJctS
. . M EAD'S Modlcatud CORN tndjJUNION PUSUB.g
FI! A NIC TOOMEY,
, AUKN r FllKTIIH SAL 01
Baxtku steam kniiinE
Culfs Disc Eiii;ii.e-
and Murine Engines
enginks a specialty,
farm engines, machinists'
OF AM KINDS, BELTING,
Pulleys and General Supplies.
No. 131, North Third Slroul,
, faiUBKLVUU, PA.