Newspaper Page Text
A BoaMhold Artiol for Cntv.rtal
For Soarlet and
Sore Throat, Small
Po, Meaalea, and
all Contagiona Diseases. Persons waitlngfco
the Sick ihould um it freely. Scarlet Fever hat
aevtr been known to spread where the Fluid was
used. Yellow Fever has been cured with it altar
black romlt had taken place. The worn
Cases of Diphtheria yield to it.
Fareredand Hick Per
PITTING of Small
A member of my (any
ily wit taken with
Small pox. 1 used tha
Fluid,; the patient waa
But delirioui, wu not
pitted, and was about
the haute again in three
weeks, and ne others
had it- J. W. Paaa.
. ri m j i t
aoni refreshed and
Bed Soret prevent
ad by bathing with
laapura Air nude
harmlett and purified.
For Sore Throat it it a
For Frosted Keet,
Soft White Complex
Ions secured by iu um.
Ship Fever prevented.
To purify the lireath,
Cfeanaa the Teeth,
it can't be surpassed.
Catarrh relieved and
Wounds healed rapidly.
Aa Antidote for Animal
or Vegetable Pouons,
I used the Fluid during
our present affliction with
Scarlet Fever with de
cided advantage. It it
India pensabi. to tha lick
toeae. Wat. F. Sao
foao. Eyrie, Ala.
The nhrtldaos bars
ute Darbvt Fluid vwry
successfully la the treat
ment of Diphtheria.
Tetter dried up.
I nulera prevented.
Ulcere purified tad
Incases of Death It
should be uaed about
the corpse it wUl
prevent tny unpleas
The eminent Phy
sician, J. MABIOK
BIMS, M. I., Maw
York, tart: "I am
convinced Prof Dtrbys
Prophylactic Fluid it a
Yenderbllt University, NathrlUe, Tenau
w i.'o wmi vxieucni quaiiuta 01 rrot.
Darbyi Prophylactic Fluid. At a disinfectant and
detergent it it both theoretically and practically
superior to any preparation with which I am acquainted.-:,.
T. Lunox, Prot Cheraiitry.
Darbra Fluid Is Recommended by
Hon. Alandi H. Stsph ski, of Georgia;
Her. Cmas F. Deans, D.D., Church of the
Strangers, N. Y.:
Jot. LrCoKTt, Columbia, Prof.Unlrertity.S.C.
Rev. A. J. Barrn, Prof, Mercer University!
Rev. Gso. F. Pieacs, Bitbop M. E. Church,
INDISPENSABLE TO EVEUY HOSUt.
Perfectly harmless. Used internally or
eaternally for Man or beast.
Tne Fluid tut been thoroughly tested, sod we
save abundant evidence that ithas done everything
here claimed. Km fuller information get of your
Druggitt a pamphlet or send to the proprietors,
J. II. XEltlS CO.,
Manuntturing Chemists. PHItADCLPHlA.
CAIBO OPERA HOUSE.
FRIDAY, January 11.
Laughing Boom Only!
J. H. HAVERLY'S
in tha treat taccett, entitled
Id font sett and one thousand langhi .
In the 1st Act you laugh !
In the 2d Act you roar!!!
In the Sd & 4th Ats you shout!!!
Every Member of the Compa
ny an Artist!
Those who come to laugh
remain to ROAR !
Baierrtd seats at Bader's. Popn'ar prlcsa.ll,
a and To cents. K.i extra charge fer referred
aaatt. Admltslon to matinee, I0e:; children. He.
136 &138 Oom'l Ave.
hart i ecelred a full and cotaplsts line
at aew Foil and Winter
DRY GOODS, DRESS GOODS,
Cloaki, Dolmans, Notions, Ete.
A ks try stock of Body Braiielt, Taper
tries and Ingrain
A fall stock of Oil Cloths, all slses and price.
.Ihinrr P. Gnnfo' LiirnionV finnno
A full and complete itook Is now being
etaasa aw at gnat Bargains.
All (stood atlBottoam Prioat.1
MiseJ Fanny Everett, ibmI 82, hat
been poBtmitttroBS of West Toxborough,
MaH8., for 25 yearn.
William Lohe, St. Louis, is whittling
a duplicate Stra.burjr clock with 180,-
Sixtv-four of 111 New Jersey school
teachers say in reports that whipping
is indispensable. ,
More than 18,000 homesteads hare
been entered iu Florida during the last
Newborn, Tenn., hus a law that im
poses a tine of not less than $25 or more
than $50 on any person who goes into
a saloon on Sunday.
This was the very concise verdict of
a coroner's jury in Idaho: "We find
that the deceased came to his death by
calling Tom Watlings a liar."
The ebony tree grows to be 15 feet
In circumference. The outer wood is
mre white, the heart only being per
In a game of foot ball at Annapolis
a muscular cadet kicked the ball fifty
yards. His friends are willing to back
him against any opera singer in the
A Saratoga, Now York, man is quite
certain that he has Invented a wholly
successful electrie motor for railways.
By some odd chsnce his name is
Samuel Jones, of Philadelphia, hat
had his old father arrested for em
bezzlement. He sent him out with a
littlo money to buy limit and he failed
Th first railway in Spain was laid
in HX. It was but fifteen and a half
miles long. The system has not grown
very ranidiv, however, and now only
covers 6,0 ") miles.
Texas farmers have sold this year
$59,000,01 X) worth of cotton, $53,000,000
worth of cattle, $7,000,000 worth of
wool and mutton, and $1,000,000 worth
of horses and hides.
Dr. Bliss has over 7,000 letters re
ceived by him during the eighty days
he had charge of the wounded Garfield,
all of them bringing suggestions, 'and
some of them bearing threats of vio
lence. It is a standing joke in Italy that
Salvini carries about with him the
King's pardon, to be used in case his
realism on the stage should carry him
to the point of an actual smothering of
At stations on Russian railroads
there is a grievance book, in which the
traveler can inscribe his wrongs in any
language, and which is periodically
read by the authorities. Whether
results follow the perusal is not stated.
On July 1 there were 11,750,000 cat
tle in France and 5,962,000 in Great
Britain; there were 2,750.000 pigs in
France and 2,600,000 in Great Britain;
there were 500,000 sheep in France and
26,000,000 in England
An old ladj in Portland, Me., who
wu acquainted with Ralph Waldo Em
erson, and knew him well in later life,
aays he was so indolent that she waa
not at all surprised when he gave up
preaching and went to lire in Concord
simply to think.
A pair of Queen Elizabeth's gloves
can be seen in an English museum.
She had a hand like a brakeman. The
thumb of the glove is five inches long
and the palm measures three and a
half inches across. No wonder the
kingdom tremblod when she brought it
Hanlan, the oarsman, says that he
owes his success in great part to hav
ing hit upon a winning stroke, for it is
there he shows his superiority. It is a
thing which cannot be governed by
mathematical calculation, though, but
is more the result of an accident or in
A tribe of Indians having tails from
six to eight inches in length is said to
have been discovered in Paraguay.
Should this announcement prove true,
the Journal of Science protests in ad
vance against, their being paraded as
the missing link," since the anthro
poid apes have no tails.
Surgeons probed ineffectually for the
bullet that entered the hip of George
H. Fredericks, of Fort Wayne, in the
battle of Okolona, Miss., twenty-one
years ago. The other day he felt a
sharp pain just above the right knee
joint. He worked the flesh with his
finger and out came the ball.
An inventor in Brussels claims to
have contrived a' perpetual clock. It
was started in that city about one year
ago, and up to a recent date Is said to
have been running perfectly. An op
draught is obtained in a tube or shaft
by exposing it to the sun. This draught
turns a fan which winds up the weight
of the clock.
For the first time since the invention
of printing, a German book has reach
ed its 1,000th edition, each of them
numbering 3,000 copies, thus making
in all 8,000,000 copies. It is a primer
by Haester, published by G. D. Bae
decker, of Essen, whioh first appeared
in 1853, and reached ite 100th edition
In England there is more land lying
idle In sporting grounds," game re
serves and landlords' parks than the
whole kingdom of Belgium, which sup
ports in happiness and prosperity 6,
000,000 people and sends large food
exports to London. An income of
$175,000,000 a year is received by 8,142
landlords as rent on 4(5,500,000 acres of
Three-fifths of the cotton now bought
by Chinese importers is in the shape
of yarns, which they manufacture to
suit themselves. It is predicted that
when cotton mills with proper machin
ery are once established in China there
will be an end of importations of cot
ton clothes. With her cheap labor she
will make clothes to export instead of
buying them. . . :
The educational statistics of the Brit
ish army show that out of every -1,000
soldiers, 80 can neither read nor write,
28 can read but not write, 186 can read
and write, while 766 are of superior
education. Twenty years ago 134
could neither read nor write, 173 could
read but not write, 641 could just read
and write, while 52 only were of supe
CAIRO. ILLINOIS. TUESDAY
WIT AND HUMOR.
It is one of the inconsistencies of life
that we throw bouquets at the soprano
and bootjacks at thu tomcat.
Freckles have become very fashiona
ble. The Princess Louise and all the
other nice girls have them. ;
What relation does the door-step
bear to the door-mat P It's a sti
father. "My dear," said a wife to hor rich
but illiterate husband; "I want $500."
"What fur?" he inquired. "Sealskin
fur," she said, and sue got it
There is very little satisfaction in hav
ing a man fined five dollars for an as
sault if you have to pay your own lawyer-ten
The Washington milkmen are not al
lowed to ring bells, as they disturb the
slumbers ol the policemen. They
might be allowed to use dumb-bells.
The editor of the Yonkers Record, in
announcing the suspension of his pa-
er, said: "Warm as the weather is,
t is a cold day for the Record.
We observe that the son of an Indian
chief is learning to be a plumber.
This will enable him to scalp people
without the aid of a knife.
"Man wants but little here below,"
wrote Oliver Goldsmith, but Oliver
didn't stop to consider that the man
who is going to build a house wants a
Mary Churchill has got her "mad up"
and now practices eighteen hours a day
on the piano. It is reported that her
father and mother are missing. How
things do change about.
"Those picture cards I brought back
from Boston," remarked Mrs. Parting
ton in a pensive mood. "They are
momentums of the Art Loan Imposi
tion." "Waiter, bring me eleven raw oys
ters." "We don't give eleven, sir; we
give six or twelve. "No, twelve would
never do; we should be thirteen at
The surviving friends of the hero of
Longfellow's "Exoelsior" did not get
any damages from the company, as at
the time of his death he was traveling
on a pass.
The Connecticut boy who has a third
arm growing out of the back will be
able to scratch himself between the
shoulder blades without resorting to
the corner of a building. - .
Professor of Chemistry: "The sub
stance you see in this vial is the most
deadly poison of all poisons. A single
drop placed on the tongue of a cat is
enough to kill the strongest man."
During the thick fog the other even
ing Gom Gom took a poor blind man
by the hand and led him to his door.
Telling the story to a friend on the
following day, he cried: "It is terrible
to be blind in such a fog." .
The Louisville Courier-Journal has
evidently been there. It says "Woman
among savages is a beast of burden; in
Asia she is a piece of furniture; in
Europe she is a spoiled child; in Ameri
ca she is a boss. Toledo Blade.
Philadelphia on New Tork: "What
has become of 'Bowery Mike,' who
kept a saloon which was a resort for
notorious characters some years ago?"
"He is in the Legislature." "And his
partner, where is he?" "He got found
out, and is in the Penitentiary."
If at any time you desire the wind to
change suddenly, take a pan of ashes,
go into the back yard, and, facing the
direction that you desire the wind to
blow from, quickly empty your pan.
All who have ever tried this rule have
never found it to fail.
A Lafayette lady a model wife and
mother broke her husband of the sa
loon habit by walking up to the bar
beside him and calling for beer. A
Cincinnati woman tried that, but her
husband only replied: "Now you're
acting sensible; here, John, two schoon
ers." . .
A young lady in Cincinnati is engag
ed to be married on a certain day pro
vided she is found to weigh 125 pounds
at that time, but if she weighs less or
more than 125 pounds the engagement
Is to be broken. Probably such a ri
diculous weigh of making an engage
ment was never heard before.
"Johnny," said the teacher, "a lie
can be acted as well as told. Now, if
your father were to put sand in his
sugar and sell it, he would bo acting a
lie and doing very wrong." "That's
what mother told him," said Johnny
Impetuously, "and he said he didn t
"By Jove! there goes my birdie,"
exclaimed a swell, dodging around the
corner and dragging his companion
after him. "Where is sheP" excitedly
asked the latter. "It isn't a she. it's
my tailor." "Your tailor! Why do
Jou call him your birdie?" "Because
e is always presenting his bill."
"See here," said an editorial writer,
calling the editor-in-chief, "that fellow
on the Wolfville Scalp has produced an
an argument that I cannot answer.
What shall I do with him?" "Let me
see," mused the editor, looking over
the argument. "I reckin you had bet
ter call him a liar and drop the contro
versy." Arkansnw Traveler.
The man who was about to marry for
the sixth time, and who replied, "We've
usually sot," when asked by the minis
ter to stand up, has been heard from
again. He recently led No. 7 to the
altar, and, when asked for the ring,
replied, "Farson, I've hooked onto six
of em without a ring, and we kin git
along this time. I'll try and remem
ber it in future, though.""
Let no one say after this that an In
dian cannot laugh as well as a white
man- There is a young Indian here
who makes a fat living by laughing as
a profession. He will laugh five min
utes for five cents, and it ts well worth
it Such a ringing, continuous laugh
would drive the Wues out of the Tories
of Lennox. Toronto Olobe.
?'How is it you never married, Char
ley?" "O, I don't know, except that I
remained single from choice." "Why,
I heard that you tried to get that Podg
kins girl a yeer or two ago?" "Yea;
I did ask her to marry me, '. VAnd she
wouldn't have yqu? ."That's about
tbesUeot jt. 8p t remained single
from choice her choice vou know."
MORNING, JANUARY 8.
"Yes," the tall, thin passenger ad
mitted, "u crying h:tby h iudeed a sore
trial. But tliVu yuu must remember
that the baby cannot swear, and when
a human being is being dandled up
and down on the loose end of a two-
inch safety-pin, it's got to do something,
and if it can't swear it must holler.
And the jury was only out about two
minutes, and then came in with a ver
dict for the defendant.
A geutleman apparently attempting
the feat of escorting a lamp post was
arrested by an officer and taken to Jhe
station house. Upon recovering his
sobriety he explained to the Sergeant
that he thought lie was leaning against
his wife, ana that she was leading him
home. "Do you mean to say that you
couldn't tell the difference between
your wife and a lamp post?" "Yes,"
siiiil the prisoner, meekly, "my wife is
a Boston woman."
"Don't you think she is pretty?"
said the fond mother to the father, as
she stroked the baby's silken hair.
The father was in a sulking mood,
something had disagreed with him,
and he replied somewhat curtly, "Oh.
all babies are about alike. They look
like little monkeys." Just then a
neighbor entered, and, taking the baby
on her lap, said, "Mercy on us, how
like it s father that chad is.
The other dnv a rather green-looking
young fellow went into a dry goods
store in Bangor, according to the Com
nwraitl, and walked up to one of the
lady clerks, and the following conver
sation occurred: "1 want to" get four
yards of wide ribbon for a girL" "All
right, sir. vv hat color do you want?
"I don't know. I just want four yards
uf rililion, that's all." "Yes, but wo
had ought to give her some color that
will sun her. Is she a blonde or a
brunette?" "She ain't neither; she's a
It is always - mother-in-law upon
whom sarcasm spends its ramdom in
effectual shot. Her mother-in-law es
capes. With munly egotism editors and
writers who are. invariably and heed
lessly masculine, remorselessly put
the stale slanders in cold type and as
sume that their mothers are perfect
mothers-in-law. "Are we not their
sons?" "Could so perfect a specimen
of manhood spring from any but a per
fect source?" Assuredly not. But
wives are proverbially known to be im
perfect; hence their mothers are more
so. Who ever kuew a wife that could
cook like "my mother," or make a
shirt that set like "mother's," or darn
socks so thay wouldn't hurt the tender
feet? "Mother used to do it; I don't
see why you can't." The wife being
so faulty, what can her mother be?
It is never disagreeable to him to
hear hti mother i'mf "Mary Jane
dresses too much," "Wil Mary Jane
entertains too much;" "that she is ex
travagant in her house-keeping, care
less iu the management 'of the child"
ren;" "too demonstrative," or the re
verse." Oh! no, it is Aw mother, and
shf.uiust know. But let her mother
but hint in the kindest manner that
"George stavs out too late," or that the
"club is too expensive for a young man
lust starting in me with his own way
to make;" "that his cigar bill would
sutuce to bring many a little luxury
into his home, and then win now vows
(made to his wife with profane prefixes
unfit for ' 'ears polite") that he won't
stand that old woman's tyranny any
longer," "that he has put up with it
long enough (although it may be the
first hint that she does not tnink him
perfect)," "that if she keeps on in that
strain she will drive him straight to
the devil," etc.
But these are nothing beside the trials
of a young wife taken to live with Aer
mother-in-law. Who ever saw a moth
er with a darling son that could find a
girl good enough or pretty enough for
the splendid creature who one day is
going to make "Home howl" with his
phenomenal cleverness and wonderful
abilities? Be she ever so pretty or ever
so sweet she is not too sweet nor too
pretty to incur his mother's aversion.
The first battle ground it looks like
tattle ground as written Ed. is
the house keeping of this double house
holdand although all the drudgery of
the housekeeper may be rologated to
the young wife be sure the reins of
fovernment are still in the hands of
is mother. This gives her an oppor
tunity to criticise and admonish that is
not to be gained by any other arrange
ment. ho has not seen in their own
circle of acquaintance some sweet young
girl, married and taken to live with
ner mother-in-law? Did no one notice
how, little by little, the happy light
faded from her eyes, the youthful
elasticity from her step, until people
began to say: "How Mary Jane is
fading!" "She used to be so pretty!"
"Those delicate bright looking girls
fade so soon!" Her mother has seen it
if no one else has, and perhaps this is
the beginning of the trouble between
Aim and his mother-in-law, of which he
writes so fervently.
What a Fall Waa There.
This is very sad that the Apostle of
the Beautiful should fall to the rank of
sixpenny showman. When ho was in
America ho would not allow any one
to enter the hotel parlors, where he
descanted upon the Uttcrness of the
Consummate, for a less fee than $L.
But here ho is announcing in the Liver
pool pnpers that h will lecture in Hope
Hall next Saturday evening on "Per
sonal Impressions of America;" and
then in all the Philistine brutality of
printer's ink. follows the line: "Admission-Front
Seats, 2s; Gallery, 6d."
Poor Oscar! Yet, in Ihe Bowerv one
can see the Fat Woman, the Tattooed
Girl, the India Rubber Man, and the
Only Original Sea Serpent, all for a
dime, with rausio by the band thrown
in. That's two and one-half cents
cheaper than the Hope Hall show. By
the way, Mr. Wilde's announcement is
separated by a few iines only from that
of the Royal Asylum for Imbeciles and
Idiots which snows a most shocking
lack of jrsthetlo culture in ' the man
who classified the advertisements. ' .
The annual collection for tha rope
In the Now York City Catholio Church
es on Sunday will foot up about $15,000.
B. A. BUENETT,
Book and Commercial Job Printer,
OFFICE: No. 78 Ohio Leiee.
COMPLETE IN ALL ITS APPOINTMENTS. CYLINDA B
PRESSES, JOBPKESSES, CARD PRESSES, NEW
TtfPE, JAPANESE AND OTHER BORDERS
FOUR SETS OF DATE FIGURES.
NO. 1 STOCK: Envelopes, Note-paper, Letter,
Paper, Bill Heads, Cheek Books, Receipt
Books, &c., &e.
The ONLY Round
chine in Southern Illinois. '
DEVOTED TO j
Independent iu all
DELIVERED BY CARRIER. 25 CENTS PER WEEK.
118.00 PER TEAR, 20 PER CENT DI8COUNT IP PAID
fEARLT IN ADVANCE. BY MAIL, 1.00 PER MONTH,
10 00 PER TEAR, IN ADVANCE.
THE WEEKLY BULLETIN
48 COLUMNS 4fl.
Filled With Choice Reading
Matter and Local
TEEMS BY MAIL:
S3 OO PER YEAR
Alynj lit Advcj:
Hole Perforating Ma-
Neutral in Noth
er No fcyer.