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ils f 0 QIIIMs and
Drives Machine Down Steps; Lands in Hospital
EW YORK -Piter Kelly. att'n
dent in St. Luke's hospital. In a
cot in the J. Hood Wright hospital
the other lay, was bragging through
the mass of bandages that .wathld
his features tihat he is a better man I
than General Israel Putnam ever "zs
Early the day before Kelly. in th'
automobile of the superintendent tof
St. Luke's, drove the machine down
several flights of stone steps in ('en
Kelly will not speak of the incid-n'
that led to his ride Dr ('lover. the
superintendent, will not say whether
the attendant had his permission to
use the machine, but a shadow crosses
his face when he thinks of the occur
Kelly first was noticed as he drove
the car rapidly around the Circle. a
circular road, about 200 feet in diam
eter, opposite 0lu6th street, near Cen
tral Park West There is only one
entrance to the Circle Patrolman
Smith, of the Arsenal police station
saw the machine
"Hey!" shouted the patrolman, run
Fluffy Headpiece Drops on Helmet of Bluecoat
HICAGO.--This is the story of a
hat and a void in the heart of a
policeman And it is a romance, too.
but only the first chapter has been
Policeman Hlarry Bossen. he of the
stern visage and once of the scornful
eye, stood the other day on the corner
of West Washington street and North
Fifth avenue, blowing his whistle and
scowling quite fiercely at the women
who scurried past.
"'Women were born to be in the
way." he muttered to a brother police
man "If it wasn't for them a po
liceman's life would be soft."
And then the hat entered the life
of Itossen. From the elevated struc
ture above came a woman's gasp
With it came the hat. Then a sudden
fluttering of skirts and the owner of
the head decoration hurried into her
It is not a part of the story that
the came to a resting place, cocked
rakishly on the helmet of the police
officer Neither is it material that
he was blushing deeply when he
started with the find for the ('entral
"Sergeant," he reported, pausing at
Edict Against Babies Opens Row in Apartment
FER IS -_
ERSEY CITY, N. J.-The liveliest
kind of a rumptus has .tarted over
the appearance of a baby in Jersey
City's most fashionable apartment
house-th, Fairmont-at airmont
avenue and Hudson country boulevard.
There are many dogs in the house, but
the management has made an iron.
bound rule against children Hence
the whole affair will socn be aired in
Clinton B. Dow. a stock broker, who
noved into the Fairmont with his
bride a year ago, was politely told re
cently that he would have to move out
as soon as the expected heir to the
Dow family arrived
"Well, this is the limit," said Mr.
Cupid Is Routed; Quarrel Over Gifts in Court
SLEVELAND. O.-Cupit, ran to cov
er the other day when the case of
Jacob Nemerovsky. 'twen.y-flve years
old, against Pauline Williams of 2557
East Twenty-ninth street. was called
in Justice Chapman's court.
"You see, it was something like
this." said Constable Miller, who
served the papers. "Nemerovsky was
engaged to Miss Williams for more
than two years During the courtship
he gave Miss Williams many pres
ents lie wanted to get the presents
back. With two pclicermen he went
to her home The policemen were
unable to persuade the bride-that
might-have-been to deliver the pres
ents. and Squire Chapman issued a
writ of replevin, with which I
secured a trunk containing the pres
ents They consisted of an umbrella
stand, foot stool. sewing tray. fold
ing card table, collar box, smoking
jacket, and some other stuff There
was also a pair of shoes, which some
body threw at me as I was leaving
the house, and they hit me on the
back of thq neck."
.dAss Williams says that she and
Old Hand (to new ticket bua;er at
state fair)-"Ever been on the wick
et before in -a crush?' New Ha,..
"Nope.' Old Hand-"Thought not."
New Hand-"Why not?" Old Hand
"You give change first, and tickets
afterward." New Hand-"What Is the
difference?" Old Hand--"Hundreds of
dollars, my boy. No one ever passes
in and forgets his tickets."-Judge.
It doesn't make much differenoe
whether a man is Inspired or not it
his work is worth while.
ning up. "Quit that merry-go-round
stuff. This park isn't Coney Island."
Suddenly the machine started along
a narrow footpath. Kelly thought
the path was the road leading out.
lie had reached the top of the long.
winding stone stairway leading down
to Central Park 'West before he re
alized his plight. Ile started to turt
his mactulne aside, then decided he
would take the stairs.
'"I should worry '' shouted Kelly as
rhe itl hine leaped out into the air.
"This w ll boat o(ld Izy'v Putnam to
a frazzle, and the papers will publish
Kn::t' liff' Thud' The car took
rlIe land rigs like- a greyhou:nd Then
:it r,. came a tury in the stairs and
the machine stopped with a disinte
grating shiver Kelly kept on.
\\ orkr.s in the Aqueduct shaft at
the' bottomr of the stairs rushed to the
surface, thinking there was an under
ground explosion. They found Kelly
1uing doubled up several flights below
v hat formerly was the machine All
lie could mutter as they carted him to
the .1 Hood Wright hospital was:
"Well. I got half way down. any
Kelly's nose and head bear testi
mony to his attempt to reach the
Aqueduct workers pried the re
remains of the once handsome tour
ing car from the rocks that line the
the desk. "I-I found a hat. Maybe
I better try to identify it before I
turn It in."
liossen was full of thought and sad
ness as he passed the desk on the
u, y to his corner.
Sergeant, her name ain't in it," he
said dejectedly; and then he pleaded:
•lut, say, serteant, she'll come for It,
sure, won't she? And say, don't for
git to-to get her name and address
and-and-sort of tell her it was me
found it-Just for-fun, you know.
And say. sergeant, old man. do you
know where a feller can buy furniture
on the installment plan?"
Put this is only the tale of a hat
and a void in the heart of a police
man, and so-well, that's as far as
the first chapter has been written.
Dow. "Why the deuce didn't they
put the ban on Red Mike? He's
been here ever since we moved in. and
nrot a word of complaint abcut him.
Sure. a child's no worse than a dog."
Red Mike is a large Irish setter, and
heretofore he has been the pride of
the Dow household That is, he was
the third member of the family un
til the Dow baby arrived Dow argued
with the management of the house.
but in vain So he moved to No. 84
Emery street b'efore his lease had
expired. Now tile apartment house
maniaement has brought suit to re
cover $30t for rent from the broker.
Ill1 never pay them a penny un
less the court compels me." declared
Dow the other day "It's an outrage
to think that a dog is considered bet
ter than a child in a fashionable apart
Subpoenas have been issued for
Mrs. Merritt Lane, Mrs. Howard Sla
ter. Mrs. J. H. Subberly. Mrs. Marma
duke Tilden and other women who
live In the Fairmont and own dogs to
appear and testify at the trial
Nemerovaky were to have been mar
ried December 7 The invitations had
been printed, but because they were
unable to get postage stamps out a
certain night, about two weeks pre
vious, they waited till the next day
to mail them However, the Invita
tions were never sent, because
Nemerovsky didn't come around for
"He made all kinds of excuses and
tinally I forgave him." Miss Williams
said "Everything was all right for
a while till he started to act up again.
Then I told him to leave. Monday
he came with a constable and took
away the presents he had given me.
and some of my other things, Loo."
Rapping on Wood.
It is a common thing to see people
rap upon a chair or door after they
have made some boastful remark.
such as "I am never ill." or "My ven
tures always turn out well." This was
originally done as an appeal to the
effcacy of the wood of the true proee.
and three raps were always in honor
of the Blessed Trinity.
Modern science is that practical
knowledge of truth that rges us to
feel an oyster's pulse and look at ts
tongue before we eat it
RATTLER KILLED BY
A GIL MONSTER
Reptiles Engage in Death Strug
gle in New Mexico Moun
EVADED FATAL STROKE
Thrice the Snake Sprang and Missed
Before Lizard Shook It to Death;
Cat Surviving a Bite Took Deadly
Dalhart, Tex -The "rattlesnake
season'" last summer in the southwest
was unusually destructive of life, and
was m 'ked by some startling and
dramatic incidents. It is estimated
that some fifty deaths from snake
bitets occurr d in the plains iunitry
and the mountain regions of New
Mexico Arizona and Texas.
I. I:. Van V( en of the Pinal moun
tain district tells of a fight between
a rattlesnake and a gila monster
fob Htenry, on returning from his
camp by the Pinal mountain road,
was attract ed by the sound of a rat
tlesnake "lirning, he saw a rattler
about seven feet long and, three feet
away, a gila monster sitting on an ant
hill. The snake stood up from the
ground higher than a man's knee in
the shape of an elongated S. The re
mainder of his body was upon the
ground behind him in a straight line.
In addition to rattling, a hissing sound
issued from his mouth. The gila was
standling up as high from the ground
as his short legs would permit. ils
tenss d attitude indicated that trouble
was ahead. Suddenly the snake
slur ng at the big lizard, but it evad
ed the stroke by flattening himself on
the ground. The snake draw aimst If
ui again and struck and again Hissed
The third time the snake drew back
anil struck, but the lizard was two
inches fo the right. The snake
started to draw back for another at
tt-mpt. when the gila monster made a
lightning-like plunge, and the next In
stant the back of the rattler's neck
was in the bulldog Jaws of the eigh
tein-linch lizard, which was shaking
it like a rat. Several times the lizard
was thrown vehemently into the air.
and as often it was dragged on the
dusty road. with its feet vainly at
tempting to find a hold. 1Put the
jaws held tight, and in two or three
minutes the snake lay dead on the
From Flagstaff. Ariz., comes the
story of John Gustafson, who, bitten
The Back of the Rattler's Neck Was
In the Jaws of the Lizard.
In the palm of the right hand by a
rattlesnake at Russell's mining canimp
in the C'opper Basin district, has ful
ly recovered. Not only that, but in
oculation with the deadly venom has
cured insomnia. from which Gustafson
had been a sufferer for five years.
Mr and Mrs. J T. Nelson. of Je
rome Junction, Ariz., vouch for a
story told of a fight between a house
cat and a rattesnake. The cat, the
mother of six kittens, was peram
bulating among the little mounds of
a prairie dog town when she xas at
tacked by a rattlesnake and bitten on
ihr check. She retired to her nest
under the house and for several days
her head was swollen to several times
its normal size. As soon as she re
covered she set out in the direction
of the prairie dog town and an hour
later returned to the house with a big
dead rattlesnake in her mouth, and
showing evidence of a hard fight
Near Blsbee. Ariz., Alfred Kinney,
seventen years old. encountered ,
rattler by ti'h roadside and battled
with it. After the snake. apparently
stunned by the repeated strokes from
the boy's riding whip, retreated to its
lair and the boy was preparing to
mount his horse. It sneaked out of
the hole and bit the boy, and he
ditd a few hours later
HAS BATH IN DRESS SUIT
Man, Half In "Glad Rags," Is Found
Clinging to Log-Won't Expaln,
but Gives Name.
New York.-Groans coming from
an indefinite point disturbed the
marine reveries of William Kennedy,
watchman on the pier at East Thirty
sixth street. He and Patrolman Mc
Cormick sought an explanation. Their
search led them to the deck of the
Kennedy and McCormick, jumping
upon the barge, heard the sounds more
distinctly, and, looking under the pier,
saw a man clinging to a log. He was
To a limited degree he was in
evening clothes. While he lacked
trousers, hat, shoes, coat, gloves and
an overcoat, his figure did boast an
adornment of white evening waistcoat,
high collar, black bow tie and whit.
shirt with pearl studs and buttems.
When carried into the barge asbla he
said he was Adol0h Me·J.
·,·I ; )I~rs
~ T~LII ~·~ 6~~·1` w L
GA AA RL·
O NCE again the (ys of the civ
ilized world are centered upon
the channel of tConstantmnople
and on the Thracian Bospor
us, which forms the outlet to
the waters of the Black sea and which
separates the continent of Asia from
that of Europe. The channel stretches
from the Black sea to the Sea of Mar
mora. and where it runs into this land
locked little body of water, Constanti
nople lies upon an arm of this sea
known as the Golden Horn on the Eu
ropean side. There is scarcely a bit
of water on the face of the earth
whose name appears more frequently
in the annals of human history than
this narrow channel. As the history
of the world centers so largely along
the banks of the River Rhine since
the days of Caesar, so it centered
along the Bosporus for some thousand
years before Caesar's day, and so it
has centered largely since then. All
around the Black sea, on the Asiatic
shores and on the European, lie im
mensely broad stretches of the most
fertile land upon the globe. Immense
rivers drain this territory, keeping the
Black sea full and overflowing through
the Bosporus. From the first dawn of
history a large population has always
found homes on these fertile lands.
and as commerce developed its path-.
ways multiplied along the . uxine sea
coming down from these immense riv
ers. On the south lay the Mediter
ranean, a large body of inland waters
replenished by all the overflow of the
Black sea and multitudinous rivers
from the Nile to the Rhone, surround
ed by broader and richer lands, and
as commerce grew up around the Med
iterranean its paths crossed those of
the commerce of the Euxine or Black
sea, and the Bosporus became the con
necting link between. Below the Sea
of Marmora the outlet for the Black
sea waters is the strait of the Dar
danelles, shorter but broader than the
Important as this bit of water was
to the ancient world, it is much more
so now, and is becoming increasingly
so as the years pasg. With the devel
opment of modern naval warfare the
importance of Constantinople rises to
a predominance in European and Asl
atic affairs scarcely equaled by any
other point on the shores of the two
continents, and if a great power ever
gets possession of Constantinople and
controls the passage of the Dardanelles
and Bosporus it will be very possible
for it to dominate the fortunes of all
Europe. At the mouth of the great
rivers that empty into the Euxine will
grow up immense cities, affording op
portunities for the construction of a
mercantile marine as well as one for
naval warfare, and with the passage
between the Mediterranean and the
Euxine controlled by such a great
power these fleets would be unattacka
ble by the combined forces of the
world. It would not be a great under
taking to the engineering enterprises
of today to construct a bridge over the
Bosporus which would enable railroad
trains to pass from one continent to
the other, resulting In an exchange of
commerce almost unimaginable in ex
tent With the Dardanelles fortified,
the Sea of Marmora and the Golden
Horn would afford a rendezvous for
merchant ships for a back country
reaching up to Vienna around the Dan
ubial provinces and into Russia, with
Asia on the other side, including the
rich territories of Palestine and on in
to Persia and the valley of the Eu
phrates, going on down in the path of
Alexander's conquests into India and
to the banks of the Indus
The nation which could make the
best use of this strategic point would
be Russia, and the Muscovite has cov
eted it for 200 years, but this ambi
tion has been balked by the jealousies
of rival European powers. The next
nation that might make the greatest
use of the position would be Austria,
with its Hungarian annex, and a popu
lation neither purely European nor
purely Asiatic. Germany ranks third
in the possibilities presented for na
tional commercial development by the
possession of Constantinople and the
RELIC OF GREAT ADMIRAL
English Museum Has Toy Ship Be
lieved to Have Been Construct
ed by Lord Nelson.
An interesttng addition has Just
been made to the historical exhibits in
the museum of the Royal United Serv
ice institution London. It consists of
a little ship which is believed to have
been at one time in the possession of
Lord Nelson. and possibly was the toy
vessel in rigging and handling from
which the great admiral learnt the
rudiments of seamanship. At all
events, some forty years ago. she was
given, with this tradition attaching to
her, to Lord Wolseley, who has now
generously presented her to the insti.
Not only was the little boat built
and rigged on board the merchant yes.
sel in which. under Rathbone. one of
his old petty ofmcers, Captain 8usk
ling ent Nelson. his nephew, for a
eraise to learn seamanship oin 17t2. but
it is quite possible she was also in
toeded to represent this ship. Ia
maw resuects she is more like as
Losporus. But there lies between Ger
many and the straits a vast population
unsympathetic because not Teutonic,
hostile to Germany's aspirations.
Great Britain, France and Italy are ut
terly out of the question as control
ling Constantinople and the Bosporus,
but each of these nations would oppose
the control of the advantageous point
by any of the other three because of
the power that would grow out of such
What looks likely in the future from
the present point of view is the organ
Ization of a pan-Balkan confederation
of states after the fashion of the Ger
man empire. Consolidation is the or
der of our era from manufacturing
plants and financial enterprises to na
tional governments and racial solidar
ity. The world owes the United States
the lesson to be learned from the fed
eration of states. Germany has taken
the lesson to heart and is profiting by
it. This is suggested as the outcome
of the present war of the Balkans.
The population of the states here
under review is very mixed. Its sen
timents are neither Asiatic nor Euro
pean, but a kind of mixture of both.
In this way the new federation would
play an important part as a buffer be
tween Russia and western Europe and
also between the two continents. The
territory is agriculturally rich, pos
sesses great mineral deposits, is dot
ted over with magnificent forests, is
cut by fine rivers and offers advant
ages for wonderful development in
every respect for the upbuilding of
magnificent cities at many points.
With the Bosporus, the Sea of Mar
mora and the Dardanelles in posses
sion of the confederation a fleet of
warships might be collected strong
enough to bid defiance to half the
If these Teutonic empires should be
brought together they will constitute
a formidable menace to all of Europe
east and west of them. So far English
influence at Vienna united with that of
St. Petersburg has kept Austria and
Germany apart But as the great
game is played out there is no telling
what combinations may be made
which would send this power to sac
rifice a knight or a castle and that
power to give up a bishop or a hand
ful of pawns to protect the king. Al
together it is one of the greatest
games of war and' diplomacy ever
played by the nations of the world.
English View of Our Politics.
"There are few positions on earth so
strange as that which President Taft
will occupy until March 4-repudiated
by his countrymen's vote. Lut still
their chief, with all the president's
great powers," says the London Chron
icle. "For until the moment of his
successor's inauguration the outgoing
president remains in charge. At the
inauguration of Mr. McKinley in 1897
men noted the ink marks on Mr.
Cleveland's ungloved hands. He had
been examining and signing bills in
his last official hours. Eight years be
fore his very last act had been to hold
his umbrella over the head of his suc
cessor. Mr. Harrison, taking the oath
"Gentlemen." said the person who
had succeeded in getting upon his
feet without upsetting any of the
glasses in front of him, "I can't make
a speech, but I will tell you a little
story that I think will be new to most
"Say," asked a man at the other
end of the table, "where do you think
most of us have been all these years?"
"How was your muscle, Mr. Wom
"The attendance was good; some of
our best people were there."
"But the affair had no ginger. Next
tite I'll have a man who knows his
business to go around yelling, "Who
wants the handsome waiter?' That's
the kind of actibn I like."
armed merchantman of the period
than a ship of the royal navy.
It is beyond a doubt that if Nelson
helped to rig her as part of his train.
ing for a sea life he would have kept
her as a memento of those early days,
and now that she is to be publicly
exhibited and attention is directed to
her existence, it is hoped that tfurther
light may be thrown upon her history.
Relic of Spanish Armada.
An anchor of the Spanish armada
period, recovered from the Wallett. a
well-known "swatchway." three miles
off Clacton, England, has been pre
sented to Colchester (Essex) Museum.
For generations this anchor has been
an enemy to the trawls of local fisher.
men, but at length one of the flukes
became worn partially away, and
the last trawl that struck it thus lift
ed it from the ground.
Labor and Idleness.
there is but this difference between
labor and idleness: That labor is a
profitable and pleisnt troude, Idle
ness a trouble both unprofltasle and
KILL A BIG 'COON IN
"Varmint" Visits Hotel and Is
Kiled After Fierce Fight With
Atlantic City, N. J.-Employes of
the Hotel Islesworth on the beach
front at Virginia avenue, battled
with a huge raccoon in the kitchen of
the hostelry the other afternoon. The
fight lasted for a half hour before a
dieaver thrown by Chef Rush killed
the animal, which when placed on the
scales weighed 18 pounds.
The 'coon appeared suddenly in the
kitchen while luncheon was being
served. Startled scullions, not know.
ing what it was, scuttled into store
rooms and\closed the doors. After
they had recovered from their sur
Dropped a Tray of Dishes i His
prise, they Joined in the scrap to
kill the animal.
"Hen Fruit," vegetables of all kinds,
and everything else handy were
hurled at the 'coon, but he gave chase
whenever he spotted anybody chuck
Ing things his way, Several of the
more daring ones were badly
scratched up --hilo Walter Clark, a
storeroom boy. was stretched uncon
scious on the floor when a potato
caromed from thb 'coon's head and
struck him in the eye.
Rush finally hurled his cleaver at
the "varmint" u.s it flashed past him
in pursuit of a negro waiter, who had
dropped a tray of dishes in his fright
and attracted its attention. How the
animal got into the big hotel and
where it came from are mysteries
that are baffling the participants in
the strange fight
VETERAN IS NOT A CITIZEN
Chinaman In Army Thirty Years is
Refused Naturalization Papers by
Lincoln, Neb.-After serving the
United States for thirty years as a
sol:cr, and being retired on a serv
ice pension, Edward D. Cahota of
Valentine, Neb., presents an illustra
tion of a man literally without a
He finds to his dismay that he can
not be a citizen unless congress by
special act shall so declare him cne.
His service includes the latter part
of the Civil war, wherein he fought
with General Grant at Cold Harbor,
Petersburg and Appomatox.
Cahota is a Chinese. Until recently
he supposed he was an American citi
zen. He has always exercised his
rights as a voter, and had no doubt
he was a full-fledged American. Re
cently, however, he desired to take
a homestead, and filed at the govern
ment land office at Valentine, paid his
fee of $14, and expected soon to
take up his residence on the land.
Tbi- government oflicals, upon look
Inme into the application, notified
Cahota he was not a citizen of this
country, could probably not become a
citizen and, therefore, could never
prove up on his homestead. His $14
was returned, and he was informed
that no court in this country could
grant him citizenship papers
GAME ROOSTER WHIPS DOG
Feathered Bat Nelson Makes Good
on Name In Hammond, Ind.,
but is Arrested.
Hlmmond. lnd.-"Bat Nelson" is
cock o' the walk In this town.
Bat is a game rooster owned by
Alderman Arthur Schultz tnd his
latest feat was the whipping of Duke,
a pit bull terrier owned by Mike
Warimont. Incidently Bat felt so
good about his victory that he tried
to whip Patrolman Lam. After it
was over Lam announced that he
would rather lie down with a half dos
en lions than try to take Bat to Jail
The battle took place on the main
street and attracted a crowd of more
than 100 persons, most of whom
thought some one was being mur
dered. It is no reflection on Duke's
gameness to relate that he howled
like a bereaved coyote. He didn't
know what had struck him.
Bat and Mike were locked up over
night, the fight having taken place
on Sunday, and Monday they were
arraigned in police court "just like
regular folks." Justice Burnett dis
missed the case, holding that Rat
should be given the freedom of the
city for his great victory.
Fired at Cap.
Lawrenceburg, Ind.-Samuel Peet
ins, twenty-two, a farmer, saw a cap
move slowly from side to side near
a big tree in the woodlawn in lelso
township, and opened fire. The cap
The next minute he discovered it
was worn by William L' Bruscbr,
nineteen, his huntlng companion.
The latter did not know he had been
shot antil bhe felt the hot blood trom
two dosmn wounds triekle down hi
"'was midnight, and the silvery moos
Beamed down upon the scene
Where Harold planned to carry off
The lovely Geraldine.
He was a brave and handsome lad,
She was as sweet as fair.
But, oh. her stony-hearted dad
Opposed the loving pair.
He came out from behind a tree
He gave the cuckoo's call.
And waited for the lovely maid
Who held his heart in thrall.
Eftsoons she softly raised the sash,
And whispered: "I am here;"
He ceased to gnaw his young mustache
And cried: "Hist! HIst! my dear!"
She "histed" once, she "histed" twle
Her father snored away;
The lover dragged his ladder up.
And brought It Into play;
He stood upon the lowest round,
While she leaned out above
The moon was happy to have found
This blissful scene of love.
"And are you sure." the maiden crl·e.
'That you will ever be
As brave and true as you are now,
And always cherish me?"'
"As long," the lover made reply,
"As yonder moon doth shine
And take her course across the sky.
I'll love you, my divine!"
He took another upward step,
Her heart began to quake;
"Oh. what." she thought, "would bhapps
If father should awake?
Up. up the happy lover crept
Till she could feel his breath, ".
And still the cruel father slept.
And all was still as death.
Another step, another round,
And then their lips would meet
Alas! the ladder broke, and ie
Fell twenty-seven feet!
The clatter would have raised the
It raised her sleeping stire,
Who quickly bounded out of bed,
Nor sought to curb his ire.
They found the lover lying low,
His clothes were badly torn:
He'd fallen in a bramble bush,
And met with many a thorn.
At last they brought him round aga
Her father bade him go.
He didn't stop to argue then,
And it was better so!
Ah. that was many years ago,
They're married, he and she,
But each unto another, and
As happy as can be.
She has a son and is afraid
He'll throw himself away-
And he's the father of a maid -
He watches well, today!
They Will Bite.
"This Is an outrage," exclaimed
forth, throwing down the letter
he had just opened and giving it
"What's wrong?" one of the I5s
"Why, I read an advertisement t
other day that said: 'Sead us $1 a
well tell you how to recover from to
effects of insomnia.'"
"And you sent the dollar?"
"What was the result?'
"They wrote back: 'Go to sleep!
Mrs. Tumlin--Wl1. Wllsm.U,
surely don't intead to lay of' oa9
count of that little scratch! You
to say that you didnr' minad
things at all.
Mr. TuImllns-But, Mollie, my
you seem to forget that my
lnsurance pays me five dollars
more for disability than my
'Tm opposed to horse rang.
think the sodety for the prevenatiS
cruelty to animals should step in
put a stop to iLt"
"Well, old man, I'm sorry for
That's all I can say"
"Sorry for me? What do you mea
"Oh, of course you had your
on the wrong horse."
Why He Changed.
"Why have you quit going to
Miss Flippln on Thursday nights?
see that you go ther Friday
'"Thursday nlght is onion ulgt
Something Worth While.
First American (proudly)
dasughter is engagpd to a riseant
Second American (with contempt
Humph! That's nothing. My
tar has been divorced by an earlt.
" ' soft answer turneth
wrath,' you know."
"Yes, bat It doesn't turn awq
fellow that wants to borrowr
Two Married Men.
"Why do you tasist upon talkn
wife out for such lonwg wbs M
"The doctor has told her tbht
mast be very careaful not to talk
*s is out in the sold air."
Us, who's your doctor?