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THE RIGE BELT JOURNAL
WELSH PTG. CO., LTD., Pubs.
California may have to take in its
orchards over night.
The latest dancing cure is called
"eurythmy." Sounds like a cure for
Even though the orange crop be
destroyed, there is still the unfailing
New York man had a finger graft
ed on his nose. An extra cost now
in keeping it manicured.
In spite of the annual New Year's
resolutions man hasn't improved in
7.000 years, says Dr. Alfred Russell
A New York hen laid seventy-two
eggs in an Icehouse. Everything seems
to be coming the way of the cold
The inventor who perfected a sui
cide box and tried it on himself didn't
live long enough to realize that he
The great national game now con
sists in guessing whether the star
pitcher of the home team will get
$9.000 or $11,000.
A Philadelphia wife has found a
husband who has been missing for
twenty-five years. Some men are
"Life is just one coal bill after an
other," remarks an exchange: which
is the same exactly as the proverb in
the profane form.
The month of September once con
slasted of sixteen days. It must have
been a cinch for the man who was 1
paid by the month.
While reading the sporting page the
philosopher requires all his philosophy
to console him for not being a high
priced baseball player.
There are women on the police force
of some western cities. But none of
them, so far, has been induced to go
.on the plain clothes squad.
' A tuning fork is to be applied to a
boy's afflicted throat so that he may
eat It is well, for future effect, that
tuning is not done with knives.
There was once a chauffeur who
was compelled to ride horseback. The
horse trotted. "Ah." said the chauffeur,
"his shock absorber is working bad
A Buffalo clergyman couldn't draw
a congregation until he started a se
ries of fifteen-minute sermons. Now
he has all the other ministers buffa
London women now feed their dogs
at the tables. On the basis, probably.
that if they are doubtful of any dish
presented to them, they can try it on
A New York woman wants a di
vorce because her husband always
took the larger portion of steak.
What of it? No reason why she
should beef about it.
From Washington comes the in
formatlo, that a prune war may be
expected Which brings to mind the
well established adage: 'Tlis not a!
ways bullets that kill.
A Chicago packer has for his corre
Sspondent Soumen OsuuskauppoJen
Keskusosunskunta in Helsingfora.
Finland, says an exchange. Probably
meanine -that he has time only for
the writing of that one name.
A French process has been invented
to lengthen the time eggs may be
stored. What the public demands is
some way to hasten the time in which
fresh eggs may -be secured.
Adrianople, the besieged, is report
ed to have cheese enough to last its
people for several years, but who
would undergo the horrors of war for
the sake of living on cheese?
Query: Is the man in the smoking
ear who, having a box of matches in
his pocket, reaches across two fat men
and a newsboy to borrow a light, guil
ty of economy or parsimony?
A canning plant is being Installed
In ione of the eastern univerasitles. All
of the universities do a deal of can
Ming. but Ipost of them are enabled
to get along without a plant for the
An eminent scientist has increased
his eminence by discovering that thei
Sbest way tb reduce weight Is to .te
Tratin from eating. Stlngent proire
.ldonal ethit prevent him trot. pat.
.attag the ides .,
SAnothetiaponent of the simple life
ear his hk4 IHe writes tn the Pase
ena Star: jwe lrather be alan
mower Ira gener ID bisieatial Pasa
~4ear than be a btnke any place on
9,h fbateube esbiei to divert the
LibraBor etrftt, an Invetor pro.
poses to abolish leebergs In the north
Atlatie. and so to.amellorate the cll
'ate of Iceland that oranges would
gew thers. Noalumi ta.the price of
ige es- ;5ltet anonttd as a remlt of
the Comedy of
the Same Name
Rupert From Play o s Produced
the Play ase oodced
Hshes By eary W. avate
Copyrlght,1211, tby 1. L Fly Oa
Lieut. Harry Mallory is ordered to
the Philppines. He and Marjorie New
ton decide to elope, but wreck of tart
cab prevents their seeing minister on
the way to the train. Transcontinental 1
train is taking on passengers. Porter
has a lively time with an Englishman
and Ira Lathrop. a Yankee business
man. The elopers have an exciting
time getting to the train. "Little Jim
mie" Wellington. bound for Reno to get
a divorce, boards train in maudlin con
dition. Later Mrs. Jimmie appears. She
Is also bound for Reno with same ob- I
ect. Likewise Mrs. Sammy Whitcomb.
Latter blames Mrs. Jimmie for her mar
ital troubles. Classmates of Mallory I
decorate bridal berth. Rev. and Mrs.
Temple start on a vacation. They de
cide to cut loose and Temple removes t
evidence of his calling. Marjorie de
cides to let Mallory proceed alone, but
train starts while they are lost in fare
well Passengers join Malory's class
mates in giving couple wedding hazing.
Marjorie is distracted. Ira Lathrop. I
woman-hating bachelor, discovers an
old sweetheart, Annie Gattle, a fellow
passenger. Mallory vainly hunts for a I
preacher among the passengers. Mrs.
Wellington hears Little Jimmie's voice.
Later she meets Mrs. Whitcomb. Mal
lory reports to Marjorie his failure to
find a preacher. They decide to pretend
a quarrel and Mallory finds a vacant
berth. Mrs. Jimmie discovers Welling
ton on the train. Mallory again makes
an unsuccessful hunt for a preacher. I
Dr. Temple poses as a physician. Mrs.
Temple Is induced by Mrs. Wellington
to smoke a cigar. Sight of preacher on ]
a station platform raises Mallory's
hopes, but he takes another train. Miss
ing hand baggage compels the couple
to borrow from passengers. Jimmie
gets a cinder in his eye and Mrs. Jim- I
mie gives first aid. Coolness is then
resumed. Still no clergyman. More
borrowing. Dr. Temple puzzled by be- 1
havior of different couples. Marjorie's
ealousy aroused by Mallory's baseball
argon. Marjorie suggests wrecking
the train In hopes that accident will
produce a preacher. Also tries to induce
conductor to hold the train so she can
shop. Marjorie's dog is missing. She
pulls the cord. stopping the train. Con
ductor restores dog and lovers quarrel.
Lathrop wires for a preacher to marry
him and Miss Gattle. Mallory tells La
throp of his predicament and arranges
to borrow the preacher. Kitty Lewel
lyn. former sweetheart of Mallory's.
appears and arouses Marjorie's Seal
ousy. Preacher boards train. After
marrying Lathrop and Miss Gattle the
preacher escapes Mallory by leaping
from moving train. Mallory's dejection
moves Marjorie to reconciliation. The
last day on the train brings Mallory
the fear of missing his transport. Mal
lory gets a Nevada marriage license.
Marjorie refuses to be married by a
Dr. Temple and Mrs. Temple looked
at each other in dismay, then at the
flask and the cigars, then at the Well
ingtons, then they stammered:
"Thank you so much." and sank back.
Wellington stared at his wife: "Lu
cretia, are you sincere?"
"Jimmie, I promise you I'll never
smoke another cigar."
"My love!" he cried, and seized her
hand. "You know I always said you
were a queen among women. Lu
She beamed back at him: "And you
always were the prince of good fel
lows, Jimmie." Then she almost
blushed as she murmured, almost shy.
ly: "May I pour your coffee for you
again this morning?"
"For life," he whispered, and they
moved up the aisle, arm in arm,
bumping from seat to seat and not
When Mrs. Whitcomb, seated in the
dining-car, saw Mrs. Little Jimmle
pour Mr. Little Jimmie's coffee, she
choked on hers. She vowed that she
would not permit those odious Well
lingtons to make fools of her and her
Sammy. She resolved to telegraph
Sammy that she had changed her
mind about divorcing him, and order
him to take the first train west and
meet her half-way on her journey
A Duel for a Bracelet.
All this while Marjorie and Mal
lory hat sat watching, as kingtishers
shadow a pool, the door where
through the girl with the bracelet
must pass on her way to breakfast.
"She's taking forever with her
toilet," sniffed MarJorie. "Probably
trying to make a special impression
"She's wasting her time," said Mal
lory. "But what if she brings her
mother along? No, I guess her moth
er is too fat to get there and back."
"If her mother comes," Marjorie
', decided, "ll hold her while you take
the bracelet away from the-the
from that creature. Quick, hero she
comes now! Be brave!"
Mallory wore an aspect of arrant
"You just grab her!" Marjorie et
plalned. Then they relapsed lntq at
titudes of impatient attention. Math
leen floatsed In and, seeog Mallory,
Sshe greeted BIp with radiant warmth:
"Good mornte !" and then. catkbg
sight of Marjod.a.pve her a (Uood
mornlngl!" coated with ic 8She
flounced past and Mallory sat inert,;
Itll Marjorie gave him a ferociou
pinch, whereupon be leaped to hs
"Oh, Mis--er-Miss Kathleen,"
ithle whirte round with a ms
hospitable smile. "May I have a
word with you?"
"Of course you can, you dear boy."
Marjorie winced at this and writhed
at what followed: "Shan't we take
Mallory stuttered: "I-I-no, thank
you-I've had breakfast."
Kathleen froze up again as she
snapped: "With that-train-acquaint
ance. I suppose."
"Oh, no," Mallory amended, "I mean
I haven't had breakfast"
But Kathleen scowled with a jeal
ousy of her own: "You seem to be
getting along famously for mere tratn
"Oh, that's all we are, and hardly
that," Mallory hastened to say with
too much truth. "Sit down here a
moment, won't you?"
"Nq. no, I haven't time." she said,
and sat down. "Mamma will te wait
ing for me. You haven't been in to
see her yet?"
"No. You see-"
"She cried all night."
"No, for papa. He's such a good
traveler-and he had such a good
start. She really kept the whole car
"Too bad," Mallory condoled, per
functorily, then with sudden eager
ness, and a trial at indifference: "1
see you have that bracelet still."
"Of course, you dear fellow. 1
wouldn't be parted from it for worlds,"
Marjorie gnashed her teeth, but
Kathleen could not hear that. She
gushed on: "And now we have met
again! It looks like Fate, doesn't
"It certainly does," Mallory assent
ed, bitterly; then again, with zest:
"Let me see that old bracelet, will
He tried to lay hold of it, but Kath
leen giggled coyly: "It's just an ex
cuse to hold my hand." She swung
her arm over the back of the seat
coquettishly, and Marjorie made a
desperate lunge at it, but missed,
since Kathleen, finding that Mallory
did not pursue the fugitive hand,
brought. it back at once and yielded
"There-be careful, someone might
Mallory took her by the wrist in a
gingerlf manner, and said, "So that's
the bracelet? Take it off, won't you?"
"Never!-it's wished on," Kathleen
protested, sentmentally. "Don't you
remember that evening in the moon
Mallory caught Marjorie's accusing
eye and lost his head. He made a
ferocious effort to snatch the bracelet
off. When this onset failed, he had
recourse to entreaty: "Just slip It
off." Kathleen shook her head tantal
izingly. Mallory urged more strenu
ously: "Please let me see it"
Kathleen shook her head with so
phistication: "You'd never give it
back. You'd pass it along to that
"How_ can you think such a thing?"
Mallory demurred, and once more
made his appeal: "Please, please, slip
"What on earth makes you so anx
ious?" Kathleen demanded, with, sud
den suspicion. Mallory was stumped,
till an inspiration came to him: "I'd
like to-to get you a nicer one. That
one isn't good enough for you."
Here was an argument that Kath
leen could appreciate. "Oh, how sweet
of you, Harry," she gurgled, and had
the bracelet down to her knuckles,
when a sudden instinct checked her:
"When you bring the other, you can
She pushed the circlet back, and
Mallory's hopes sank at the gesture.
He grew frantic at being eternally
frustrated in his plans. He caught
Kathleen's arm and, while his words
pleaded, his hands tugged: "Please
please let me take it-for the measure
Kathleen read the determination in
his fierce eyes, and she struggled fu
riously: "Why, Rlchard--Chauncey!
-er-Billy! I'm amazed at you! Let
go or I'll scream!"
She rose and, twisting her arm
ffiom his grasp, confronted him with
bewildered anger. Mallory cast to
ward Marjorie a look of surrender
and despair. Marjorie laid her hand
on her throat and in pantomime sug
gested that Mallory should throttle
Kathleen, as he had promised.
But Mallory was incapable of fur
ther violence; and when Kathleen,
with all her coquetry, bent down and
murmured: "You are a very naughty
boy, but come to breakfast and we'll
talk it over," he was so addled that
he answered: '"Thanks, but I never
Just as Kathleen flung her head in
baffled vexation, and Mallory started
to slink back to Marjorie, with an
other defeat, there came an abrupt
shock as if that gigantic child to
whom our railroad trains are toys,
had reached down and laid violent
hold on the Trans-American in full
Its smooth, swift flight became sud
denly such a spasm of jars, shivers
and thuds that Mallory cried:
"We're off the track."
He was sent flopping down the aisle
Hlike a bolster hurled through the car.
He brought up with a sickening slam
across the seat into which Marjorie
had been jounced back with a breat
taking slam. And then Kathlesn
came flying backwards and landed in
a heap on both of them.
Several of the other passengers
were just .retUstinga from breakfast
Sand they were shot and scattered all
I over the car as i a great cba, of ha
man beads had burst.
Women acreamed, men yeieea, ard
I than while thaey ware stitl atrnusmim
against the seats and one another, the
train came to a halt.
"Thank God, we stopped in time!"
Mallory gasped, as he tried to disen
gage himself and Marjorie from Kath
The passengers began to regain
their courage with their equilibrium.
Little Jimmie Wellington had flown
the whole length of the car, clinging
to his wife as if she were Francesca
da Rimini, and he Paolo, flitting
through Inferno. The flight ended at
the stateroom door with such a thump
that Mrs. Fosdick was sure a detec
tive had come for her at last, and
with a battering ram.
But when Jimmie got back breath
enough to talk, he remembered the
train-stopping excitement of the day
before and called out:
"Has Mrs. Mallory lost that pup
Everybody laughed uproariously at
this. People will laugh at anything
or nothing when they have been
frightened almost to death and sud
denly relieved of anxiety.
Everybody was cracking a joke ,at
Marjorie's expense. Everybody felt a
good-natured grudge against her for
being such a mystery. The car was
ringing with hilarity, when the por
ter came stumbling in and paused at
the door, with eyes all white, hands
waving frantically, and lips flapping
like flannel, in a vain effort to speak.
The passengers stopped laughing at
Marjorie, to laugh at the porter. Ash
ton sang out:
"What's the matter with yoq, por
ter? Are you trying to crow?"
Everybody roared at this, till the
porter finally managed to articulate:
Silence shut down as if the whole
crowd had been smitten with paraly
sis. From somewhere outside and
ahead came a pop-popping as of fire
crackers. Everybody thought, "Re
volvers!" The reports were mingled
with barbaric yells that turned the
marrow in every bone to snow.
These regions are full of historic
terror. All along the Nevada route
the conductor, the brakemen and old
travelers had pointed out scene after
scene where the Indians had slaked
the thirst of the arid land with white
man's blood. Ashton, who had trav
eled this way many times, had made
himself fascinatingly horrifying the
evening before and ruined several
breakfasts that morning in the dining
car, by regaling the passengers with
stories of pioneer ordeals, men and
women massacred in burning wagons,
or dragged away to fiendish cruelty
and obscene torture, staked out supine
on burning wastes with eyelids cut
off, bound down within reach of rat
tlesnakes, subjected to every misery
that human deviltry could devise.
Ashton had brought his fellow pas
sengers to a state of ecstatic excit
ability, and, like many a recounter of
burglar stories at night, had tuned
his own nerves to high tension.
The violent stopping of the train,
the heart-shaking yells and shots out
side, found the passengers already apt
to respond without delay to the ap
peals of fright. After the first bush
of dread, came the reaction to panic.
Each passenger showed his own
panic in his own way. Ashton whirled
round and round, like a horse with
the blind staggers, then bolted down
the aisle, knocking aside men and
women. He climbed on a seat, pulled
down an upper berth, and, scrambling
into it, tried to shut it on himself.
Mrs. Whitcomb was so frightened that
she assailed Ashton with fury and
seizing his feet, dragged him back in
to the aisle, and beat him with her
fists, demanding that he protect her
and save her for Sammy's sake.
_Mrs. Fosdick, rushing out of her
stateroom and not finding her lus
cious-eyed busband, laid hold of Jim
mie Wellington and ordered him to
go to the rescue of her spouse. Mrs.
Wellington tore her hands loose, cry
ing: "Let him go, madam. 'lie has a
wife of his own to defend."
Jimmie was trying to pour out dy
ing messages, and only sputtering, for.
getting that he had put his watch in
his mouth to hide it, though its chain
was still attached to his waistcoat.
Anne Gattle, who had read much
about Chinese atrocities to mtission
aries, gave herself up to death, yet re
Joiced greatly that she had provided
a timely man to lean on and should
not have to enter Paradise a spinster,
providing she could manage to con
vert Ira in the niext few seconds, be
fore it was everlastingly too late. She
was begging her first heathen to join
her in a gospel hymn. But Ira was
roaring curses like a pirate captain in
a hurricane, and swearing that the
villains should not rob him of his
Mrs. Temple wrung her twitching
hands and tried to drag her husband
to his knees, crying:
"Oh, Walter, Walter, won't you
please say a prayert-a good strong
But the preacher was so confused
that be answered: "What's the use of
Sprayer in an emergency like this?"
t "Walterl" she shrieked.
I 'm on my va-vacation, you know,"
(TO BE CONTINUED.)
The oldest almanac in existence i
a the "Almanach National," which has
been lassued by the French govern
1 ment since 1686. Its name has been
a changed a good many timea durinl
Sits career of 3lI yeers. Originally the
a "Almanach Royal,". It became "Na
a tional" in 1793, "Imperial" In 1805.
and reverted to its original name nine
s years later. Stince then the title has
t been altered four tiUes. Like most
i publications of this sort, the "Al
) manach Nattonal" has grown bulky
with advaneing yearse. The first issue
I contained 48 pages, as compared with
i LSSO pae Sm the emrat issau
JAM ME JIB SAIL,
'TWAS SOME DIVE
Deep Diver Bell Man Fishes Up
LAD OVERBOARD CAUSE
Landlubber, Without Hesitation,
Jumps Into Seething Main-Seeth
ing With Frost-to Save Drowning
Man-Lets Out a Yell for Heil..
Chicago.-Yoho, my hearties! Gath
er around me now, for I am about to
unfold ye as strange a tale of the sea
as ever happened on the Chicago
'Twas on a dark and stormy night
that Fred J. Hohing, a simple com
mission merchant man, was sitting in
his window on the second floor of 172
South Water street with pen in hand
a-watching the big chunks of ice a-float
ing by and a-wondering how he was
going to jay his coal bills, when of a
sudden there was a splashing and a
yelling, and who should Ilohing see
a-floundering around in that thlere icy
water but this here landlubber that I
was speaking of, the same being John
Dunn, a advertising solicitor who had
fallen into that there st. eam acci
dental or contrariwise.
Without no hesitation whatsoever
this here Hohing rises up from his
chair, lays down his pen and jumps
kerplunk out of that window into the
seething main below, the same being
a-seething with frost and not with
heat, or you can wash my scuppers.
No sooner has this Hohing got him
self into the water than he discovers
to his pain that there are two drowning
men in that there raging main, the
one being this here landlubber and
the other himself. So he lets out a
yell, and along comes George Quinn..
who wallers into the river likewise,
that making three. Then up comes
Cornelius Griffin, who has sense
enough to keep his skin dry, and be
twixt the three of them they manage
to tow this here Dunn and themselves
No sooner has this here Hohing got
himself into drydock than, blast my
toplights, he busts into a screech that
made all the sirens on the river think
they were deaf and dumb.
"My watch," sez he. "Cuss it," he
sea, "I've lost my watch."
It had been given him by a Ger
man noble who was a relative of the
Then up comes Fritz Belthauser,
who is a belldiver, and listens patient
till he's found out what it's all about.
So the next day this here Belthaus
er puts on his diving suit and lets
himself careful off that dock and
Jumps Kerplunk Out of Window.
down he goes. Thirty feet deep that
water was ninety degrees colder than
a pawnbroker's heart.
Five minutes we waited and then
panother five. Still no Belthauser. We
was just a-going to adjourn and draw
up the resolution for the funeral that
we were to give him by the absent
treatment, when sudden theire's a rif
fle on the water and up he comes.
He, climbs ashore painful and he
opens his hand. Shiver my topgal
Ilants it he ain't got that there watch.
Hohing goes down into his pocket
and heaved up a roll of greenbacks
as big round as a masthead, and, cuss
me for a deck swabber, it he doesn't
peel off five hundreds off'n that there
roll and hand 'em to Belthauser
Pipe all hands to the bulwark, sur.
geon, the sun's over the foretop.
In Jail Over Dead Bh'd.
Portland, Ore.-Otto Grutchman
was given a sentence of ninety days
on.-the rock pile for trying to shoot
a bird off the hat of Miss Nellie Kel
ley. "I didn't like that bird on Nel
lie's hat.," he remarked to the Judge.
Served Dog BiscuIt.
Paterson. N. J.-Miss Hlarriet Con
don served dog biscuit as a practical
joke on friends at a bridal party. Sho
Swas sued for $35 by Helen Breaton.
who broke a tooth and lost two gold
S 13 ac_
] pect ki
"E'very licture one wl
Tells a Stor," f OUn d
from the same suffering.
Get Doan's Kidney
'ne that Mr. Lee had.
A Texas Ca
J. n. Lee. 412 W. Wa'nnt St., Cleburn~
"For four years I endured misery
Morphine was my only relief. I adI
in my back and it wa' hard for mneto p
ney aecretlons. ,Dan's Kidney rills
ly, and I have been well ever slne"
Get Doean's at Any Store, Oei
FOSTER-MILBURN CO., BUFFAI
MEAN OF HIM.
Newwed-Say, old man,
know what you miss by not
Bachelor-I guess not. Do
your money every night an(d
When the Peanuts Ran
For two hours an old back
man, who had never before
elephant, had been standing
row of them in enrapt sile
ing out peanuts one at a time.
the last was gone and no m
coming, Jumbo, the largest
reached over and removed the
talner's hat from his head to
of a lion's cage nearby.
For the first time In two
old man expressed his e
words: "You old two-talled
rubber nuisance you!" he
indignantly. "It I knew
your head was on, I'd slap yog
Made Him Suspiciousk
"Did you ask your girl's
her hand in marriage" "
"And he refused you. I cal
the way you look." "No, i1
He gave his consent." "
the peculiar look you are
"He was so darned willing."
Enough to Scare Anybo
"I had an awful scare last
"My husband had been
about the war in the Baikans
mentioned the names of a lot
Turkish towns in his sleep."
COFFEE THRESHED N
15 Long Years.
"For over fifteen years,"
patient, hopeful little Ills.
"'while a coffee drinker, I suff
Spinal Irritation and Nervous
I was treated by good physi
did not get much relief.
"I never suspected that co
be aggravating by condition.
just as injurious, because it
caffeine, the same drug fou
fee.) I was down-hearted
couraged, but prayed daily
might find something to help
"Several years ago, whill
friend's house I drank a cup
um and though I had never_
anything more delicious.
"From that time on I used
instead of coffee and soon
improve in health, so that
walk half a dozen blocks or
ease, and do many other thi
never thought I would be ab
again In this world.
"My appetite is good, Is
and find life is worth living.
of my acquaintance said she
like Poetum, it was so weak
"I explained to her the
when it is made right-boiled
Ing to directions. She was
know this because coffee did
with her. Now her folks e
expect to use Postum the rest
lives." Name given upon
Read the little book, "The
Wellville," In pkgs. "There's
"Postum now comes in co
powder form, called Instant
It is prepared by stirring a
spoonful in a cup of hot water
sugar to taste, and enough
bring the color to golden bro
Instant Postum is coD
there's no waste; and the flad
ways uniform. Sold by groce
50-cup tin 30 cts., 90 to 10
A 5-cup trial tin mailed for
name and 2-cent stamp fort
Postum Cereal Co., Ltd., Ba.