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to 'dlemeo mgr -are of . ""eelOs and as Dhton Zimmermann has just re urned-from a-vidit to Ohio and on his jourey out there he went into a little lwy 1tation to _have dinner. At the 4i at · his order he said: rbiag me a demi-tasse. also." The waiter stared. "What's that?" he asked. "A small cup of coffee," Mr. Zimmer mann exclaimed. "A small cup of black coffee-see that it's good coffee, please-demi-tasse means half a cup." "Aw, g'wan," said the waiter. "I nt't a-goin' to bring you no half cup. We don't sell nothin' less than five cents here."-New York Times. No Bed4 Ia 8ight. A delegation from Findlay, Ohio, went to Washington last week to ar gue for a federal building. Two were farmers. When they got to Columbus the party changed . to a sleeping car. One of the farmers -protested. "I don't know about this here sleepin' car business," he said. "I hain't in favor of this delegation put tin' on no such style." "Why, gol durn ye, Jim," said the 'other, taking his colleague aside, "don't be showin' your ignorance. You're going off at half-cock. This hain't no sleepin' car. They hatn't a bed in sight." Iseonwelseoee of Knowledge. First medical student-What's wor trying you? Second medical student-You know 1 am desperately in love with Miss Beautle. "Yes, and I have noticed lately that .she has a sad, dreamy, soulful expres sion." " "That's it. I don't know whether it's love or her liver."-New York Weekly. Where the Pens Are. "I'll give you a trial," said the Chicago editor. ."Let me have a pen ploture of Chicago, that I may judge -of your style." "But,really,I'm not a photographer," protested the new reporter. "You don't have to be. I want you to write-" "Oh, I thought you meant a photo graphic view cf the stockyards." Some Blight Coneotalon. "Charley, dear." said young Mrs. Torkins, "'that horse you bet on "There's no need of bringing the -matter up. I know that my judgment was very bad and all that." "Oh, I wouldn't take it to heart. The horse might have been beaten worse. You must give him credit for getting -around ahead of the horses who were -entered for the following race." A requemt fCe Informatlom. "Are you thinking only of the pres -entt" asked the serious man. "Or are you doing your duty and trying to leave something for those who come after you?" "Those who come after me?" re peated the man ,"f genius pensively. 'Do you refer - '.rity or my cred itors?" a She (to her little dog)--lop over' -lop over! e--Immediately, my dear wifey! a fImposslblitt. "T& Ilke to see Miss Passey," said the man at the door. "arn can't," replied the maid; sb's got the toothache." "Iumasieible; for I'm from her den tist, and Ive got her teeth here in this -.AstemeWAVrs. oeme Oest. augoo,-- yes n4 the automo - Sahepet h the horetT • -, - ` hUir h ecu pious author arssesd over the tasi ha faltering hand. e aged, ttithfO' for startd. 'lo Wi--rt.gQ l sad, with air of a ma ` just a . saddled with a'eat t$ght, "did y" ever hear that Walter cott received Sthe suggestion of his first successful novel while he was. washing his hands?" • "I-I believe I read of it," stam mered the impecunious author, slip ping his hanJs into his pocket. A fa r away look came into the face of the aged but truthful editor. - "I was merely throwing out the sug gestion," he said softly. NoS Qgteo mad Lawyer-Were you acquainted with the deceased? Witness-Only in a business way. I was clerk in a large store at which the lady did much of her shopping. Lawyer-Did you, in that capacity, notice in her any signs of insanity? Witness-Well, no; not insanity ex actly-mere eccentricity. I was in the thread department, and I have fre quently seen her buy a spool of thread and carry it home hereself.-New York Weekly. Bet She Didn't Mesa It. ,ATHI ti- 1 tU She-Fifty cents for a bathing suit! It's robbery' I'll go without one first. Acquired SkilL Methodically the angry wife hurled the cup and saucer at her husband. Seizing the meat platter she batted the salt cellar and pepper holder at him, and followed with a volley of sugar bowl, butter dishes, cream mug and knives and forks. "I knew that woman harbored ul terior motives when she devoted so much time to the study of ping-pong." Took Up s Collection. "Dere ain't much sympathy in dil world, an' dat's a fack," said Mean dering Mike. "I took dat policeman into me confidence. I told him dat I had all de troubles extant; dat I was jes' a collection of sorrows." "What did he do?" "He looked me over an' den said it was about time fur him to take up a collection." Problem Solved. Lady (seeking a cook)-You have good references. I suppose? Applicant-No, ma'am. I haven't any at all, ma'am. Lady-But I really do not like the idea of engaging a cook without refer ences. Applicant-Oh, that'll be all right, ma'am. You can pay me in advance. No Vulgar "Tips." Guest-Are tips expected here? Waiter-No. sah. We don't accept to vulgar tips, sah. We is free-bohn American citizens, we is, and we wish to preserve ouah self-respect, sah. "I am glad to hear that" "Yes, sah. All we require is a re taining fee, same as lawyers, sah." New York Weekly. The Boy's Desire. The Hostess (in reply to Willie's whisper)-No, dear, you can't have any more cake. You've had enough. The Guest-What a good little boy. And what are you going to do when you're a man, my son? Willie-First off I'm goin' to buy myself too much of everything I like to eat. Mrehrant nd Mother. New Merchant-I wish I knew how to interest mothers in my child's clothing department. Old Merchant-Thatrs easy. Mark up the sizes on all your clothes. Noth ing tickles a mother so much as to find that her 10-year-old boy takes a 12-year-old size of suit. Helprang a ellow Out. He (who atutters badly)-I lul-lul love you, mum-mum-I lul-love you mum-mum-more than tut-tut-tongue can tut-tut-more than tut-tut-tongue can tut-tut She (eagerly)-Don't you know the deaf and dumb alphabet?-Town Top. ics. A atglime Comment. "The refrain," we said to our neigh bor at the vaudeville performance, while the popular ballad was being rendered, "is prettier than the verses." "Yes," he agreed. "I wish he would refrain altogether." She theought He uMust. Oldbeau (growing romantic)-Ah, how I wish I had lived in the knlghtly days of old! Miss Boungthing (growing weary) DIdn't ayt MY -RE SAT THE RE1. ,OR? 'OF 8S IFIOE IN THE CAUSE "OF A RiOAN HUMOR. Pautblplrteltd Citisen Gives Funny Men a Chance to Tr te Up New Joke-- Mara VWork to llMake ',.lossuana Understand lbe Situation. It was midnight plus an hour or two, and a man, dejected, deserted and de termined, sat upon the door steps of a house in a quiet residence street. The stars looked softly down upon his desolation and the silences of the night hovered over him, even as a hen hovereth over her chickens. in time a policeman, accomplishing the purposes of his appointment to guard ianship, came that way, and, observing the sitter on the steps, approached him. "Here, here." he exclaimed, shaking him by the shoulder. "What are you doing here at this hour of the night?" "ls it any of your business?" in quired the sitter, starting up. "Of course it is," responded the po liceman in astonishment. "I am a policeman." "Oh," sneered the sitter. "I thought you were sleeping the sleep of the unwatched." "Now. don't get gay." threatened the guardian. "What you want to do is to go inside or I'll chase you to the sta tion house." "You've got no cause to," insisted the sitter. "I'm here attending to my business quietly, and you have no right to interfere with me." "You're jaggy.' said the policeman, "that's what's the status of your case. and you ought to be looked after." "I am as sober as you are," said the sitter, showing temper. "and if you don't get out I'll report you for inter fering with the rights of a private citi zen." The policeman was not convinced, but a large seed of doubt had been planted in his perception, and he was not so sure that he was right as he had been. "Well." he said, hesitatingly. "'what's your business?" "'Now you're talking sensible." re plied the sitter. "What I'm sitting here for is to give the funny man of our newspaper a chance to write up a new joke about the man with a red headed wife and a wart on her nose waiting at the head of the stairs to greet him with a club when he gets in. Something new in that line is needed and I'm willing to make a sac rifice of myself and lose half a night's rest for the great. cause of American humor. At the same time, if you had come around sooner-the policeman always come around in the joke, you know-I would have got off earlier and it wouldn't have been quite so rough on me. "Ta. ta. Sorry you can't drink while on duty; I'm going to have something soothing before I go to bed. Night. old chappie." and the erstwhile sitter ambled off around the corner, says the Detroit Free Fress. to where there was an allnightery. GREAT DAM OF THE RIVER NILE Dimleult Earineering Feat .earing a Sueceaslul Comnpletion. The most stupendous engineering feat ever attempted by man is being brought to a successful completion on the Upper Nile at Assouon. This is the erection of a great dam which will conserve the waters of the river and enable the Egyptian government to turn them upon the thirsty land when needed. It will push the waters back 150 miles or more across the Tropic of Cancer and into distant Nubia--10l. 000.000 tons of water, the statisticians say, says a correspondent of the Kan sas City Journal. Irrigation has al ways been well-conducted in Egypt. and this latest irrigation experiment will be the most iremarkalhe. It is as though the Missouri river -ere dlam med at St. Joseph and a mighty flood pushed back beyond Nebraska's northern boundary, there held in check to be released as needed for the farm lands further south. Territory the size of two Rhode Islands will be added to cultivable Egypt by this tdam and Egypt will have the most depend able lands in the world-absolutely in dependent of the season's uncertain ties. The modern Nile god is an American. It was an American en gineer. Cope 1,hilthouse. who first suggested the idea of this dlan. and. though a British engineer and British capital are completing the hugei strui' ture, it is to an Amnerican citizen that the credit for thile conception Is due. The constructtbn of the tdarl or r-eser voir will convert Lower Egypt into a great cotton field antid give Utpper Egypt entirely over to cualue and cerel' als. Diary of a (;irL Last night I went to a rmusical where a lady in a Nile green dress ansi a pea-green colnplexion .ang an ever green song: And a gentlenlrdt who didn't know his notes played the comlpaniment: And a young man with an incipient muistache and pathetic eyes stood up against the wall and ogled me until I made a face at him; And there were ice creanm and cak and weak punch; And only one newspaper man--sa cub reporter: And a sister of mine who got fright ened and then sang; And a man who wanted to bring us home. and we had to go out the back way to escape him; And wet slippers and a sore throat. Ard mamma scolded because the young man who wanted to bring us home .has a rich papa; And I wish I was not and never had Ibeen.--New York Press. ONE MAN SQUELCHED MARK TWAIN Sanmoas American Humorist Tells Good story on limself. Once I was received in private audi ence:by an emperor, says Mark Twain in the North American Review. Last week I was telling a jealous person aboutlt and I could see him wince un der it, see it bite, see him suffer. 1 revealed the whole episode to him with considerable elaboration and nice attention to detail. When I was through he asked me what impressed me most. I said: S"His majesty's delicacy. They told me to be sure and back out from the presence and find the doorknob tha best I could: it was not allowable to face around. Now. the emperor knew it would be a difficult ordeal for me, because of lack of practice; and when it was time to part. he turned with exceeding delicacy. and pretended to fumble with things on his desk. so that I could get out in my own way without his seeing me." It went home. It was vitriol! I saw the envy and disgruntlement rise in the man's face; lie couldn't keep it down. I saw him trying to fix up something in his mind to take the bloom of that distinction. I enjoyed that, for I judged that he had his work cut out for him. He struggled along inwardly for quite a while: then he said, with the manner of a person who has to say something and hasn't anything relevant to say: "You said he had a handful of spe cial brand cigars lying on the table?" "Yes. I never saw anything to match them." I had him again. iHe hrld to futmbli around in his mind as much as an other minute before he could play: then he said in as mean a way as I ever heard a person say anything: "He could have been counting the cigars, you know." I cannot endure a man like that. Ii is nothing to him how unkind he is so long as he takes the bloom off. It it all he cares for. WHERE OLIVES ARE CHIEF FOOL To the Poorer People of 'yrla the Prat Is Ildlpensablte. The fruit of the olive is the main stay of the people of Syria and is indis pensable to the poorer c lasses. Thi farmer and the laborer leave their homes in the morning with no oth li provision than a loaf ft" Iubread and package of pickled olives wrapped uti in leaves. That is their daily dinnet and it satisfies them. The oil of the o:lre is a substitute for butter ant lard. and is needed for the cooking of almoust every dish. while until re. cently it was the chief illtmittinatin power of the eastern colmmunities Kerosene is rapitly replacing it. ow ing to the cheap pric·' at which it i. sold. The entire slupply of soap used in Syria is made of olive oil. The tree has a ve\'ry slow growth: It bears no berries for seven years, ant the c't'op scarcely pays for the gather ing until the tree is ten years old but it will continue to yiell abundant ly for centuries, to extreme old age. and requires but little care. So long as there is a mere fragment of the trunk remaining green shoots will burst out and yiell oily berries. There are knobs or large warts on the body of the trees. If you will cut one of them off. plant it in good soil. give it plenty of water and sunshine, it will strike out roots and grow. Large trees in a good season will yield from which are good for ten or twelve gal lons of oil. The oil is made by crush fifteen to twenty Itbushels of olives. Ing the olives under hydraulic pres 90ure. Says (;ersnan Soldiers Are Overrated. A Russian military expert says that the principal qualities of the German soldier art boundl.ess arrogance and unlimlited confidulence' ii his own prow ess. The German soldier is trained to regard himself as superior to any other soldier inl the world,. a systeru which produces a dangerous tendency to underestimate the strengt-i of an enemy. He is not without goo. quali ties, but his tenacity of purpose and staying power are weak. he is a fight ing machine, utterly without initiative. and would be helpless if required to act on his own judgment in a position of difficulty. He has to be fed and pampered in a comparatively luxuri ous way in order to be kept in fit con dition, and it is more than doubtful that he would lie able to stand the hardships of a long campaign. The article states. in conclusloonr. that the Germnal arluy is absurdly overrated. and it expresses t le opinion that Rus sia can ' contemnplate the poisibillity of a war with ;Gerlmnany with perfect se renity. Cheap Eleetloneertlg. Senator-cle't McCreary tolt the fol lowing on himself a few years ago: "When I was in the House one of the towns in a mnountain county of my dis trict passed an ordinance that tihe country people should not tie their horses to the fences in the place. There was a great howl over it. "Tke men had so long bIeenr used to hitching to the fences they were as mad as hornets, and swore that this action was taken at thie instance of a couple of livery stable keepers who wanted to force them to put up their horses at the stables and they would not do it. "I heard of the row. and what did I do? For the small sum of $18 I had good, strong hitching posts put up on a vacant square in that town and in vited every man to hitch as my guest. That county had been against me, but I the next time I ran for congress I had a walkover. It was the cheapest electioneering I ever did." I The man who goes all the gaits a will become unhinged after a while. I HOME AND FASHIONS. SHORT DESCRIPTIONS OF THE LATEST PREVAILING MODES. Light Silk Costs and Joakets Are Very Popular-be-son's Mllinery Summed Up as Conslsting of Oddity and Ex pense-Some mHnts on Summer Stytles Summer Styles. 1,any plaited skirts are worn In a large diversity of materials ranging from mull to broadcloth. Two lovely old-style fashions happi ly revived, and reminders of ',e Louis periods of dress; are the fishu and the sash. The bishop-shaped sleeve still holds its own, but is much increased in size, to follow the present requirements of fashion. The preference for one-tone color is increasing, and the combination of several different colors on one cos tume is not often seen. The old fashion of piping and cord ing edges of ruffles, flounces and other trimmings has been revived, and most successfully. One really new note in the summer gowns is the return to favor again of the full-gathered ruffle put on with a small heading for a skirt garniture. Taffeta still seems to hold first place, and nothing can quite fill its many uses, not only as a dress mate rial but also as a trimming for many other materials.-Mrs. Ralston in Ladies' Home Journal. Light Silk Coats The prettiest coats, except those of cream or black lace, are made of pale gray and biscuit colored silk, with the picturesque collars of lace fast 54-fPL1.e5 of.5 Pik4/j4 (J4152 / k4 / 4 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ened with loops and ends of black vel vet ribbon. Some of these light coats are trimmed around the hem with black velvet ribbon in several rows, with spaces between. The black taffeta coats are also trimmed with velvet. and then there are pretty coats for stout women made of black silk grenadine and lace insertion in alternating vertical bands which give length to the figure. The short walking jackets of black taffeta to wear with any skirt are ex tremely good style, and one little mod el has the broad Gibson plait in the back, shaping in narrow at the waist line, where it forms a coat-tail. The top of this plait is in groups of tiny tucks. which meet at the belt. New Silk Waist. Blouse of pinkish white loulsine trimmed with bands of tie same ma terial embroidered with open-work em broidery of fagoting, and with lozen ges of embroidered ecru batiste. It is finished in front with a band of the silk embroidered with fagoting and ornamented with little straps of the silk and rococo buttons.--Chc Pa rislen. Imitatlon Venetlan Lace. The elegant patterns of real Venice lace, with color designs in shaded em broidery introduced among the filmy meshes of the lace, are the height of fashion among garnitures for the sume Iner. This rare product of the great archipeligo is very expensive, and we Sad bat a very ordinary imitation of -ft in the inserted -foral arabesque snE: other appliques and embroideries,.5 .... from brocade, matelasse, silk, etc. and added to the various fancy laces The wondertal blending of color as shown among these costly Venetian decorations defies imitation, butAmer ican designers have succeeded very well in making an effective garniture for summer gowns of guipure lace with colored appliques by over-work. Ing a portion of the various patterns with shaded embroidery silks. This Season's iUllisery. The characteristics of the season's millinery may be summed up in two 'Words--oddity and expense. There are cheap hats, but the vrai confection de modiste is a dear treasure, running to such blooms and festoonings of lace as have not been seen in a long while. Veils, too, have caught the infection and now come in rich bordered laces and extravagant novelty gauzes, which sometimes stripe the face with a z bra look. The lace veils are worn a l'Espagnol, hanging like a loose cur tain over the face, with the long. square ends forming dangling scarfs behind. Some have these ends in the shape of stoles, like the barbes worn at the throat. Beautiful designs of wreaths buuquets and urns with flowers appear in the rounded bottoms of these. Trimmings. Here are descriptions of some of the glace models which are daily com ing from Paris. Many of them are trimmed with a charming applique work in velvet, which gives the nec essary touch of solidity to the simple taffeta frock. Taffeta in the new shade of green, with a large collar of Irish crochet, made in simple Russian blouse fashion, with a wide belt, forms a ravishing toilet. Some of these tat., fetas are decorated with little silk' cords-that is to say, the plain skirt laces down the front with silk cords; finished with fancy pompons of silk. the bodice of course being treated in a like manner. Some Hints on Economy. Fashion grows more capricious, more luxury-loving every year. The pretty girl of ] 902 will wisely save the largest part of her income for the "lit tie things." The girl of forethought plans to economize or rather make the most of her silk drop skirts by having more than one overdress suitable to a single drop. For instance, many are having the fashionable white etamine or canvas shirt-waist suits and a sum mery point d'esprit. made to wear over the same silk lining. White silk skirts ready to wear in the shops cost from $10.50 to $16. The soft, unruse tling louisine seems most favored. Plain Skirt the Beet. Tags, tassels and fandangles of all kinds are decided features of the fash ion of the hour. but although La Mode has succeeded in bringing in elabora tion and decoration in this form, she failed signally when she endeavored to introduce plaits and folds Instead of the plain, graceful skirt. And the fact remains that the best skirt of the moment is an absolutely plain one, as far as the maerial goes of which it is composed, though trimmings of vari. ous kinds, including jeweled embroid eries, are en evidence on evening frocks. Chic and Lovely. No gown is more fascinating than the one in crepe do chine and chiffon. Especially so in white. A recent im portation from Paris has a very long skirt finished in seven ruffles edged with a quilling of chiffon. The bodice is tucked, each tuck edged with a nar row piping in chiffon and narrow lace. The fronts are open over a full chiffon vest. The collar is of lace and chif fon and a wide sash of Liberty satin ties in loops on the left aide. Trimmnlg rt Cloth Coestmes Cloth costumes for the spring are now trimmed with bias satin folds, not over-trimmed, be it understood, as has been fashionable, but with nar row folds, put in to give the appear. ance almost of braiding, and certaily the satin against the cloth is most as tractive.