TORIAL AND MAGAZINE PAGE
Friday, December 9, 1910.
Established April, 1SS1- The El Pso Herald includes also, by absorption and
succession, The Dall News, 'ine Telegraph, The Telegram. The Tribune,
The Graphic, The Sun. The Advertiser, The Independent,
' t The Journal. The Republican. The Bulletin.
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pion, and that evil shall 'not thrive unopposed.
The Daily Herald is issued six days a week and the Weekly Herald is published
every Thursday, at EI Paso, Texas; and the Sunday Mail Edition
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Advertising department 116
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, . ) i
COMPLAINTS. ' 1U .
Subscribers failing to get The Herald promptly should call at the office or
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Heavy Cost Of
IT COSTS more than three times as much to haul one ton of farm produce ever
country roads one mile in this country than the same service costs on European
highways. England with 150,000 miles of road spends almost as much every
year upon them as the United States spends on 2,155,000 miles of road. The
United States today has less paved highway than England, and, after spending
$2,000,000,000 in 30 years on roads, we have very little to show except trails
that add $250,000,000 to the cost of transporting farm produce from the farm to
the railroad track. That figurejepresents approximately the cost of our present
neglect and the saving that might be made in the cost of living without injuring
anybody or reducing anybody's profits. The added cost of hauling farm produce,
flue to badly improved roads, is mainly in the items of time consumed by man and
beast and the wear and tear of vehicles; there is also an important item of de
terioration in the produce itself, especially in the case of perishables. The rail
roads haul the products of the country for less than 1-25th the cost of ordinary
B. E. Yoakum, chairman of the board of the Frisco railroad and a profound
student of economic and transportation questions, put the fundamental truth in
a little nugget "easy to remember. He says: "Thus to insure a fair return upon
the constantly appreciating value of land, the amount of crops per acre must be
Increased and the cost of hauling to the railroad station reduced."
H. E. Huntington, head of the great electric traction system of Los Angeles,
has jfche right idea when he refuses to extend his lines into newly opened out -lying
sections unless good roads are first built through those sections to afford ordinary
access and facilities of traffic. His idea is that where there are good roads,
business and people will follow, and he regards first class highways as in no
sense competitive to his railroads, but quite the contrary, as the most efficient
aid to building up his properties.
Half the states in the union are administering their roads business undei
the same road laws as prevailed in England when America was a British colony.
This system of road administration provides for the payment of rod taxes partly
in labor, and the work is under the supervision of minor local road overseers with
out skill or knowledge of road "building. It is only in the states that have broken
away from the old system that any marked progress in road administration can
It is time to advance the general movement for state and national aid in
building highways. The national government has power to construct great -through
lines of traffic across the continent and a system of national highways ought to
Te planned. Every state in the union should adopt a definiteand consistent plan
of state aid in building main highways and state cooperation in the engineering
department for local work of comparatively minor impqrtancex
Good roads are to any locality what a good circulation of the blood is to the
human body. They are the first step in developing any region and to lessen the
cost of highway transportation is "conservation" of a most important variety, for
it avoids waste, harms no one, and benefits everybody.
' "Every Man His Own Santa Claus" is the title of the most popular book
Eome merely call it a check book.
Wonderful Worldwide Search
AMONG the varied activities of the agricultural department none is more
generally interesting than the worldwide search which 'is being carried
on for plants and varieties best qualified to resist drouth, alkali, frost,
fungus, and insect pests. The department is sending men into the remotest cor
ners of the earth to hunt for the wild relatives uf cultivated plants and for native
growths acclimatized, under conditions similar to those found in many parts of this
Among the most important discoveries are the original wild peach in northern
China, which is now being used with success as a root stock in the northern part
of the peach belt where frost is a menace and also in the more arid portion of the
country as a drouth resistant; and a drouth resistant wheat has been found in
Palestine from which great possibilities are looked for in developing the wheat
growing industry in the arid states. One exploring party in Asia has discovered
a great many interesting things, including a variety of alfalfa from Erivan, which
is said to be longer lived than the Turkestan variety experimented with in the
Caucasus; a species of Medicago from an altitude of over 4000 feet, which is
already being utilized in tie work of creating new hybrid alfalfas for the north
. west; a. wild almond from the Zarafshan valley, found growing on the dry
mountain sides at an altitude of 6000 feet, which may prove to be a desirable
stock for stone fruits; a drouth-resistant cherry for home gardens in the north
west and for use as a dwarfing stock, from the mountains near Samarkand; a
collection of apricots with sweet kernels from the same region; the Afghasian
apple and special varieties of pears for trial in the Gulf states; some remarkably
hardy olives which have withstood zero temperatures and still borne good crops
of fruit;, late and early varieties of Caucasian peaches for trial in the southwest;
seeds collected in the Caucasus from wild plants of the true Paradise apple, which
"Is used as a dwarfing stock, for the purpose of obtaining seedlings not infested
witlt crown-gall; scions of a newly produced crab apple, reported to be a better
Iceeper than t American crab apples; tie Slew Abrikose, a variety of apricot with
& skin as smooth as that of a nectarine; seed of the Karakatch tree, a Turkestan
elm, for the hot, dry sections of tie United States; a remarkable drouth-resistant
poplar for the middle west; a wild strawberry, fruiting at the end of February
on the dry calcareous cliffs of the Caucasus, of possible use to strawberry breeders;
a collection of iardy table-grape varieties from tie Caucasus, some of which are
reported to possess very unusual keeping qualities; and varieties of Asia Minor
wheat and a collection of cereals from tie oases of Samarkand, Old Bokiara, and
Merv. The hardy yellow-flowered alfalfas which were obtained from central Asia
have already been crossed with the hardiest of tie blue-flowered forms, and tie
resulting crosses iave proved their unusual hardiness and are now being investi
gated to aetermine their value to tie farmers of tie northwest.
It costs $20,000,000 a year to run tie agricultural department and nobody be
grudges tie money, for tie activities of tie department repay to tie country in
dollars and cents many times tie cost. One is impressed, iowever, in reading
tie report of tie secretary of agriculture, witi tie absurd disproportion between
tie amount spent on promoting tie iealti of iogs and grapevines, and the amount
spent on promoting more directly the health of human beings. There should be in
connection witi tie national government a bureau or department almost as
extensive and tiorougi in its scope as tie agricultural department which should
have to do witi promoting tie iealti and welfare of tie human race along every
line of governmental activity. No other civilized nation in tie world is as neglect
ful of tie iealti and physical welfare of tie people as is tie United States, and
in proportion to our resources we ought to take the lead in all work of this kind.
A man can live a politician all his life and die honest and respectable some
of tiem do. ,
Somebody could have played a good joke by pulling the fire alarm box last
night tie volunteers were holding their annual turkey and celery fest.
f-B-s HE man who ably edits the Bombast
"" I makes his rivals green. His little
strle. would make a graven image
'This publication is simply out of sight;
novelists can write. Our pictures take the
. poetry's the
THE MODEST EDITOR
plat the Milky way; we've sent our Mr. Faker to
sea in a balloon, we've sent our Mr. Bijkex- to
travel round the moon; cur gifted Mr. Raker, with pen and nionkeyVreneh, is
dicjnno- up the muck heaps and raising quite a stench; and we haveGnpping.
stories in bundles and in sheaves, to prove that all our statesmen are common
chicken thieves. It never was our custom our Vital Plans to flaunt, butf we are
spending millions to get the stuff you want; we're raking in the gutters, we're,
pawingin the sink, we're burning up our -money for kegs of scarlet nk. We'll
bust .our last suspender in earnest, fervid haste to entertain the people and elevate
Copyright, 1910. by George Matt'wfetv
e a trice fairfax
TWO women met in the corridor of
"How do you do?" cried one.
"I am so glad to see you; how are
Before five minutes had passed, she
wished she had left out the last clause
in her greeting.
I know she did. for I overheard the
conversation, and such-a string- of woes
and ills I have seldom, listened to.
"Well, I can't say I'm very well." said
l the second woman, and then she began:
"If that woman has al the ills she
lays claim to, she ought to be buried
claim to, she ought by rights to be
dead and buried."
The Interminable Tale.
At first her companion showed a
friendly interest, then she looked faint
ly bored, then he looked deadly bored.
She tried several times to escape, but
just as the Ancient Mariner held the
wedding guest a listener to his tale, so
did the lady of the many ills hold her
At last the latter broke away, and I
am sure it will be many a long day ere
She again asks that woman how she
No doubt this woman had a good
many ailments, but it would have been
wiser to have kept them to herself.
The World Uninterested.
One of the hardest lessons we human
beings have to learn is that the world
in general is not interested in our woes
There is a certain melancholy joy in
(By Eyrln Broholm.)
JOILN LARSON was terribly bash
ful, and when after many delibera
tions he made up his mind to mar
ry he could think, of no other way of
proposing than through an advertise
ment. Not because he did uot know
several ladies whom he would have
liked to make Mrs. Larson, but his
ba?,hfulnes was so strong that the
very idea that his friends might dis
cover his intentions and laugh at him
made him shiver.
He was at that time 3G years old,
quite good looking and of a very gen
tle disposition. He .was the owner of
considerable real estate and at the
head of a good business, and all -he
.needed to make a happy home was a
I But, try as he mignt, ne iouua il
j impossible to write a suitable adver
"I do not want au old 'Wife," he said
to himself, "but of course I cannot au-
vertise that I want a pretty young '
girl and pretty she must be. Ano as
for the rest, she must be refined, mu
ciMi nminhip and fond of home life.
Jxo, I cannot do it. If it was ever found
out that the advertisement was mine,
I should be unhappy for the rest of
For two days he hesitated, but at
last decided to "ask the " advice of a
lady he knew, a young widow, who
had often sympathized with his lonely
life. It was strange that he, who was
so bashful, should turn to a woman
who would have been delighted to be
come Mrs. Larsen, but .strangely
enough he never thought of that. Mr?.
Jensen was an old friend of his, whom
he had known from the time when she
was a little girl and he could think of
no one else to help him out of this di
lemma. When she was only 19 she had
married a lieutenant in the navy who
died three months later. She was now
25 and a very handsome voman.
She received him cordiallj- and he
mmediiately brought up the subject,
being afraid he would lose courage if
he put it off. - x -
"I want to ask your advice in a very
important matter. I did not know any7
body' else whom I could talk to about
It, and I proml-se to follow your ad
vice in everything, if you will help
The widow declared she would be
delighted to help him if she could.
"The thing is this," he began, "I
have made up my mind to marry, and
as I know as I know, that you "
"Yes," said the widow softly.
"As I know that you have more ex
perience In these matters, and are so
good, so kind "
"Yes," she whispered and moved
closer to him. "And ?"
"And so disinterested."
"She sent him a glance full of re
"So I thought I would ask your ad
vice in regard to the woman I should
"Mrs. Jensen stared at him all con
fused. Did he not want to propose to
"And who is the lady," she asked
rather frigidly. v
"Well you see I don't really know."
"You don't know!"
"No," he said quickly," I am afraid
it will cause a lot of gossip when a
bachelor of my age marries, and 1
would like to "avoid that.
"Larsen firmly believed he was too old
to marry. The widow did not share his
opinion and said so quite plainly.
"But all my friends think so," he ob
jected. "They would make fun of me,
and that is why I have decided to ad
vertise for a wife."
The widow was dumbfounded.
"And what do you want me to do?"
"Help me to write the advertisement,
if you will be so kind.
Mrs. Jensen was greatly disappoint
ed. She had done her best to capture
this man and the only impression she
had made was one which made him
look upon her as a sister, whose ad
vice he wanted to ask. Now he want
ed her to tell him whom he ought to
marry! She had a very distinct opin
ion on that subject, but of course It
would never do to sajr what she
thought. She must use strategy.
Magazine is running a department that
"Chats With Readers." m confidential
kick up its heels and smile. He says:
our stories are the dingedet that
cookie, the sandwich and the bun, our
blamedest that ever bards have spun.
AVe're planning corking features, too, to make our
rivals gray; we've spent five million dollars to
Says Don't Talk Of
relating a long list of ailments
Haven't you often heard a woman ex
claim with gusto, "And not only that,
my dear, the worst is still to come,'
Even though you do feel rather mis
erable, don't say so.
Of course, this does not apply to your
own family; though even they 'will
grow weary if the tale is repeated too
The Smile's Value.
But do not wall to the world at large.
Present a smiling face as long as you
rid vou ever see the picture of "Smil-
ine- Joe." the little consumptive who
. .. . J 2V.4- nni ilQV
was strapped to a Doaru. ms- u.im "-j
for several years? He made himself
famous by his sunny cheerfulness and
When people .ask you the conversa
tional "How do you do," they neither
expect nor care to hear a recital of
your ills. i
Here is a little bit of advice: Don t
talk too much abou yourself, and don't
I It is provincial to be critical. Those
who" are not, used to having mucn are
usually the most critical.
If, you must talk about yourself, talk
about your joys, not your woes.
Your friends will grow tired of too
large a dose, even of the former, but
they can stand that better than the
If you really are not well, say so, but
spare them the details.
Daily Short Story
"Well," she began, "what kind of a
1 wife do you want?" .
That was just the difficulty. -He
studied the 'pattern of the carpet the
ceiling, the stove, -and at last turned
his eyes on the widow, and looked at
her closely. For the .first time in, his
life he realized she was heautiful
ccu owe . rw .. -
kind of w
Is so stupid." ." ;
"Well." said the widow, who seemed
to have had an inspiration. "I will
make some suggestions, and you can
say whether they suit you or not.
First, do you want -a young, old or
middle aged wife?"
"Young, I think."
"But what do you call young. A
girl of 1G. I suppose."
"No, nr-t as ,young as that."
"Older still. I am twice that age. you
"Oh, are you? Well what age do you
"How old are you? Oh, I beg your
pardon, I meant "
The widow smiled.
"I do not care if you know my age.
It is about the same as yours. I am
25, quite an old woman. So you think
a wife of my age would suit "gu," she
Larsen was sure of It.
"That was the first point. How as
to her appearance, is she to be slim
"I don't think I would say anything i
about that. It looks so It is" rathe"
difficut. I do not like wojjn who are
either too thin or too stout."
"What will I put then?'
Lars "i looked about the room and
came to the conclusion that Mrs 1 ar
sen's figure would be lust ftbout what
he wanted nc wife ;o have.
"Just like vour? " h sail."
"But ow am I to put that down,
she laughed. "Wn-it am 1?"
"You are an erge1."
"Then suppose I put; angelic figure."
"No, no! We wiU put rotbing at all.
"And she is to oe prettv?" ;
"Like n'c to, I suppose,' sh j asked
"That is impossible."
"Is it? And is she to be musical?"
He did not know what to jnswer and
walked impatiently up and down. The
widow left him to himself and
slipped away into thp next room. Hhe
knew he u-lortd music aw" with tl.e
sweetest voice he had heard for a long
time she sang a simple little ballad,
that brought tears to his eyes. Oh, if
he could only marry the woman who
was singing now.
Mrs. Jensen came back.
"Well, have you made up your
mind," she asked.
"Yes, I must havef a wife who is
"But every young xgirl will say she
is " ,
. "What am I to do then?"
"Marry one who really is musical."
Oh, this terrible bashfulness! He was
madly in lo'e with her, but he dared
not speak out.
"But I do not care for any musical
lady except one," he stammered at
"Then ask her."
"She won't have me."
"How do you know, when you haie
never asked her?"
"She is far too good for me."
"Nonsense, no woman is too good for
you. How do you know she does not
."That is so unlikely."
But suppose she did, would you ob
ject to her telling j-ou."
"No, but she won't. I am afraid I'll
have to give i up entirely."
"Oh, I would be so glad if I could
help you. You are too good to lead
such a lonespmef life."
"It is too nice of you to say so. But
I must be going. I have Intruded too
"No, wait a moment. Perhaps I can
help you after all," she said with a
blush. "You said you would like a
wife who resembled me."
"But why don't you ask me then?"
And he did.
WHICH ACCOMPLISHED NOTHING fm.
' ; J. Haskin
It Had No Standing in Law But Was Given Confidence of - u
THE armistice . between the two
battling parties, in British poli
tics, which -followed the death
of Edward VII. cooled the passions of
me' on, both sides and led to a gen
eral desire to settle the controversy
between the two houses of parliament
by compromise. The party leaders
agreed to confer and they selected four
radicals rmiroonnt;.f v, :i-,t.- j
'four tories renresentiner the nnnnsi-
tfon' and gave ..them plenary powers to
treat. This unofficial commission to
decide the fate of the constitution of
the greatest nation on earth had no I
zi.inuiji& in law, out with the spirit of
confidence in public servants so char
acteristic of the British people, prac
tically all discussion of this great ques
tion was stopped. It was a truce of
God. With charming simplicity the
British empire delegated Its future to
eight men and called them The Con
ference. Sometimes someone would say
"Constitutional Conference," but usu
ally the one word with its capital "C"
No Chance for Agreement.
The conference met 22 times. Not a
si r t.
word leaked out of the council cham
ber. The whole nation waited! breath- I vJded, as Englishmen will, with refer
lessly for the decision, but it also ! ence to the substance and not the form
waited patiently and with confidence.
The British people were divided into
two camps and each camp was repre
sented In the parley by four men. As
a matter of fact there was not the
slightest chance of an agreement. The
question under consideration was fund
amental. If one of the four Radicals
had wavered, the democracy of the
I nktion would hm.- tnm v.? iik -.
iimb. if nna of th tT-iOCJ ,0 oi
I . . . .. Vl.U
lated in the slightest material matter,
the aristocracy of Britain would have
drunk his blood.
Finally the end came. The prime
minister announced through the press
in four lines of type the fact that the
conference had come to no agreement.
The truce was ended and matters were
back where they stood when death
claimed Edward VII. and elevated
George V.to the throne. The' Liberar
government was unwilling to proceed
to Its business of legislation unless it
was assured that it had a chance of
passing its measures into law. With
the house 6f lnrfle nnfVwi k,-
overwhelming majority of Tories there
was no such chance under th exist-
ing constitution. The commons had
won before the people in their con-
tention that they might control the
money on is. sut tne- cnvpmmonf wo j
not content to go on unless its powers I
were enlarged so that it might con
sider other matters of legislation with 1
some reasonable hope of success. The
parliament -reassembled and the veto
hill was brought out.
Prime Minister Announces Result.
The prime minister, with that direct
ness Impossible In an American states
man who is-sln.vp. t th, i.i .
the conference had failed and that
there was no use of keeping up the
farce any longer. , Either the -people's
chosen representatives had -the right
and power to legislate or they 'did not
h . rieht and noww Th hill
ujiaiory out .not conclusive veto or the
upper chamber, was sent to the lords.
The lords ignored the bill and coun
tered by proposing a scheme for the
YOUNG man writes me as fol-
"uear juss t lix: I am a
young man and I desire very much to
be popular with the fair sex. Can you
tell me how to fascinate women?
Lord bless you, boy, no! Fascinators
are like poets. They are- born, not made,
and they probably don't know how they j
do it themselves. There have been, and
always will be, certain men who have
but to whistle and every woman within
earshot gets up and follows them.
There are other men, men who pos- j
sess every virtue and every noble quail- j for verily great shall be your reward
ty, who live and die without ever hav- J if you can always recall the very day
ing made any woman's heart go plt-a- and spot where you first met Mary,
pat, or roused one single throb of sen- I and Sally, and Susan, and Jane, and
timent in any feminine breast. Women j Carrie, and Sally, and Betty, and Ma
marry such men because they are good I hel.
chances, and when these men die they
leave behind them widows who offer a
beautiful example of resignation to the
dispensations of Providence. Especially
when the insurance money is good.
A man's ability to fascinate a woman
is a gift of nature. It has to do with .
that mv!tpriniis and inpvnlioahle thine- i
that we call personal magnetism, and if
the gods have not endowed you with
this hypnotic power, no school of cor-
respondence can teach It to you.
Still, there are degrees in everything,
and while it is true that to be a real,
genuine, first class, A No. 1 heart-
smasher one has to be born with the
... .. ... . I
nower. dv taKing tnouernt ana stuay i
any man may render himself agreeable
and attractive, and be a winner among
women, if he is willing to take the
For women are simple creature, and
easily pleased, particularly wih men.
Once upon a time I was sent to the
Tombs to Interview a notorious biga
mist, who had married so often that he
had really lost count of his wives, lie
was a most unattractive looking man,
homely, untidy, heavy-jowled, with lit
tle pig's eyes and a brusque manner.
There was nothing romantic, or poeti
cal, or appealing about him, and, mar
veling that he could have pleased so
many women's fancies, I asked him the
secret of winning a woman's heart.
Talk About Herself.
"Huh," he snorted, contemptuously,
"that's dead easy. All that you have
got to do is to keep talking to a woman
about herself, and you'llvget her everj
The very essence of wisdom is con
tained in that remark. If you want to
please a woman, keep talking to her
about herself. Talk to her about her
beauty, if she is pretty;-about her intel
ligence, if she is clever; about her niU
sic or art, if she dabbles with paints or
plays on the pianola; about her soul, if
she is too old and ugly to have a body
and"too dull to be suspected of possess
ing a mind. It doesn't make any differ
ence what the conversation is about so
long as it is nailed to her personality.
She could listen on and on forever
-without ever wearying.
In reality, every woman marries to
get somebody who will talk v to her
about herself, and who will tell her how
wonderful she is, and how different she
is from every other woman in the
world. It is what every man does be
fore he is married, and it is because he
reform of the upper chamber, volun
tarily abandoning the hereditary prin
ciple in part and making sweeping
concessions with respect to thek form of
their house. But their concessions
were not such as to convince the Liber
als that they would result in the con-?
trol of the house by any other than the
aristocrats and plutocratic elements
now dominant there. The Radicals de
sired to end, not mend, the second
chamber in its present character.
So the lords passed their "reform"
resolutions and the commons passed
their "veto" bil1' each house Ignored
tho AAffnTi rf trio VirhoT nnri triA lrfTIr.
the action of the bther and the kin
by advice of his ministers, dissolved
the parliament and the campaign for
a general election was oh.
Personnel of Conferees.
In the conference the Liberals were j
represented by three commoners and a i
peer, the Conservatives by two peers
and two commoners. The Radical mem
bers were Mr. Asqulth, Mr. Lloyd
George, lord Crewe and Mr. Birrell.
The Tory conferees were Mr. Balfour,
S lord Lansdowne, lord Cawdor and
I Austen Chamberlain. But -whether no
bles or commoners, the veight men di-
of things. Lord Crewe, judged by his
record as the leader of the government
In the house of lords, is well nigh as
radical a Democrat as is Mr. Lloyd
George himself. Mr. Balfour, although
a commoner, is of the Cecil blood and
an aristocrat who sincerely and hon
estly believes that the triumph of the
democratic forces would mean the end
of all that is great and glprious and
good in England.
If the conference had had under con
sideration a. political quarrel, a finan
cial, question, a social problem, or any
thing other than a fundamentalcon
stitutional issue, there Is little doubt
but that a compromise would have
been reached. The Englishman swears
by compromise. It represents the fair
play doctrine of give-and-take and it
is by a series of compromises that
John Bull has cemented the stones of
his unmatched national edifice. The
British constitution is nothing more
than a series of compromises, more of-
ton PTnrp!SPil in o-ntlmfri; aprpp-
... W f. WV ... ,,-...... . ,....
menfs than in official proclamations.
' The kin& is bound to act bv the ad
' vice of tjie minfsters as- a result of a
lonsr senes of compromises in which
tlle CTOvrn gradually gave up one after
! anotber of its Prerogatives Jn exchange
i - ''-" - " ii'v-.""...iv..
The Irixh Question.
The most difficult purely political
problem in British affairs is the Irish
question. Ireland has been ruled
against its will by the English for a
matter of 700 years. A little more than
a century ago its separate parliament
was extinguished by the treachery of
I xu uwu fepieseuiaiives, corrupted oy
-cngnsn promises ana DriDes. .Kver
! fin?e , "j? fVfl th& Act
I IJnion the IrIsh have been struggling
1 b-v tevry eans at fna to .get back
' heir fl"eedom at least as far as their
' internal affars were concerned. In
i lU3 pasi, nait century xne nature or
, Z, 7 . ,. V.7
t r- Gladjstne. the great Liberal
leauer, fcjra.iiua.il,' progressing lowaxas
(Continued on next page.)
thy Tix 0n ns M 0f e
Mm n Fascinator
I stops doing it after marriage that wives
I decide that marriage is" a failure and
' -ney nave Deen goid-bricked in the
T,hen, if you want to fascinate a wo
man, study their little peculiarities, and
pay especial, heed to their tastes. Make
a note of the things that each particu
lar fair one likes. If Julia has a nas-
sion for violets, for pity sake send her
violets, and not roses. If Annabel dotes
on chocolates, don't load her down
with caramels. Above all, remember
the little anniversaries on the observ
ance of which women set such store.
Women Hate Bunglers.
Another item in pleasing women is to
know how to ake care of yourself and
the lady. Women hate bunglers; and
they loathe going about with them.
Therefore, son, if you want to make a
Winning with women, learn how to
dance so that you will not trample all
over the feet of your partners. Acauire
a decent game of bridge? Practice
Wltb 'our sister, or some amiable fe-
ale relative, until you can walk be-
nlnd ber down a theater aisle without
stepping on the tail of her frock and
tearing it off, and hire a good head
water to instil Into you a knowledge
of how to order a little dinner or sup-
T1T- tVmfr IVrkTt't VlQnlronnf ..,. . i
-v : " - ".ujii juu ui starve
Don't bluster and don't brag. There
is no man for whom a woman has a
more profound contempt than she has
for the Ill-tempered cad who gets into
arguments with the waiters in restau
rants, and ushers in theaters, and street
car conductors. Nor does it entertain
a woman to have to sit dp and stifle
her yawns while she listens to a man
tell how wise, and great, and big he is.
Pay attention to your clothes. Don't
delude yourself into the belief that the
very mirvnte her eyes rest on you a wo
man doesn't know if your collar is too
low, and your sleeves too short, and
your trousers oag at the knees. Her
first look tells her whether you are the !
kind of a man she will be proud to be
seen out with, or whether she will have
to fib to her friends, and attribute your
not knowing how to dress to an eccen
tricity of genius. And between taking
a promenade with a good coat and a
genius, the woman would choose the
coat nine times out of ten.
No matter how much you are in love
with a woman, never permit yourself to
show her how fast she has got you go
ing;. There isn't a woman living who
can resist wiping her feet on the man
who makes a doormat of himself before
her. Besides, men are not the only
ones who enjoy the excitement of the
Finally, try to understand the things
in which a woman is interested. Show
her sympathy and comprehension. All
the great fascinators among men have
been men who were intuitive, jmeti with
delicate perceptions who could pene
trate into the depths of the feminine
soul. Nor is this strange. You must
lave the key to the lock of a. woman's
heart if you would open it.
Lots o' folks confuse bad management
with destiny. Th' trouble 'bout a baby
in th' iouse is havin' t' read down town.
CAll communications must b;ar tha
signature of the writer, but the name
will not be published where such a re
quest is made).
HE FOUND AN ERROR!
El Paso, Dec S.
Editor El Paso Herald:
Do you expect your poor readers to
believe your statement, "Takes over
seven millions to run United States?"
See page 19, issue of Wednesday,
December 7. ?
Such a lot of stupid, typesetters and
head liners you must havef
Over 20 years ago it tooc nearly a
billion to run the United States. We
are coming down are we not? Is it
Taft's economy or what?
In Wednesday's Herald there were
approximately 110.000 words in the
reading matter and advertisements;
all this enormous mass of letters and
figures had to be edited, set in type,
proofread and corrected, and the paper
delivered to readers in the space of a
J few hours. Mr. Saunders finds an er
ror in a head line (a word accidentally
left out, as the most casual reader- of
the article would discover) and grows
very indignant and sarcastic about it.
If Mr. Saunders will undertake to
guarantee the publisher of The Herald
that no errors will creep into head
lines, reading matter, or advertising,
and that the paper -will not be delayed,
hut will be Issued every day at the
regular hour, complete and free from,
error. The Herald will pay Mr. Saun
ders ?100 per week. The elder Dana
of the New York Sun, once offered to
divide $5000 among his employes if
they would get out one single day's
issue free from error needless "to say
he kept his money. If the average
citizen were l-100th part as accurate
on the average In all ihe says as is the
average newspaper, the mlllenium
would be here. As an example of
accuracy, take Mr. Saunders: Tha
secretary of the treasury says It w'ill
take S748.OOQ.000 to run the United
States next year, including $57,000,000
for canal construction: the World Al
manac states mat xne total expendi
tures of the national government for
the year 1S90 ("20 years ago") were
$31S,040.711; but Mr. Saunders de
clares that "over 2p years ago it took
nearly $1,000,000,000 (a year) to run
the United States." The Herald has
around 100 people on its local payroll
and they are all human, just like Mr.
Saunders: but we sincerely trust they
average higher for accuracy. Editor.
iM Years Ago To
J" From The Herald Oi loTT
This Date 18M. uC&J
J. B. Ott is up from Chihuahua.
'Miss Lucy Kneeland is confined te
her house by illness.
Manager Walker of the opera house
arrived from the east this morning.
General agent Hurt, of the S. P.,
leaves this evening for a busines cfip
There is considerable kicking by vis
itors about the watering of the plaza
at midday by the park commissioner.
Nearly all the members of the Ft.
Bliss band have gone down the river
hunting, to be gone until Christmas.
President Sylvester Wattsof the- wa
ter company, is in town from Tucson
for a few days, en route to St. Louis.
Mrs. J T. French, wife of the Trin
ity pastor, was taken quite ill last
night. Her sister, Miss Small, is also
Dr. Van Cleve, one of the most skil
ful surgeons in the southwest, arrived
last night from Silver City, where he is
now located. t
The local agency of the Southwestern
Traffic association has been temporarily
discontinued, owing to some misunder
standing with the Mexican roads.
Albuquerque Democrat: John H. Be
han. Chines inspector at El Paso, re
turned home this morning. His mission
here was to secure the arrest of three
The woman's new gymnastic class at
the Y. M. C. A. was rounded up last
night by secretary Sloane and the fair
ones will make the fixtures look sick
I. G. Gaal, of Ysleta, through his
counsel, Llew Davis, served notice last
evening on county commissioner Juan
Armendariz, of contest of the latter's
seat as county commissioner.
San Marclal Bee: The cosiest of all
town residences, that of Dr. and Mrs.
D. G. Cruickshank, was the scene of a
social triumph last night, when a re
ception was tendered Mrs. D. W. Reek
hart. The chimney on the south side of
the Windsor hotel, on South El Paso
street, caught fire at 9 oclock this
morning. The fire sputtered and went
out under the sweet influences" of
Escio Mercado, a gentle minded To
mochic from Chihuahulta, was nailed
in the "dewey morn" by officer Fernan
dez as the child of the sunny south
was chmbinsr home after having swiped
two cans of. kerosene from J. B. Wat
son's store on San Antonio street. The
hypothecator IanguisKeth in the jug.
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