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At last the status of Hadley of Missouri, is estab
lished. You remember Hadley, Herbert S., who
came so near being nominated at Chicago, as a com
promise between Taft and Teddy? Well, at heart he
was almost for Teddy and, being that he is a repub
lican tower of strength in democratic Missouri,
there's been much anxiety as to where Herbert was
really at. He's now for Taft.
He lately "expressed a hope" that Mr. Taft was
for presidential primaries, Bill heard of the hope
and got busy. "Assurances" were forwarded to
Gov. Hadley to the effect that that great Missourian
need no longer tremble on the ragged edge of conver
sion since Taft had in a Boston speech declared for
presidential primaries, last March, months before
the Chicago convention. Ho, Herbert, with anxious
soul relieved as to Bill's fitness, declares his conver
sion. Pretty darned willin', Col. Uoosevelt will say,
and it will remind him of a story he heard in Africa
that time lie shot the charging rhinoceros through
the left auricle with his 45-90 at a distance of 30
paces 9 inches.
A fanner's boy was going to market carrying a
couple of chickens in either hand, when in a quiet
place of the country road a girl met him. As they
bade each other good morning, the girl burst into
tears. " Why are you crying?" asked the boy. "I 'm
afraid you're going to hug me," replied she. ''How
in thunder can I hug you with these chickens in my
hands!" exclaimed the' dull youth. "Can't I hold the
chickensif" shyly replied the charming creature.
The "Citizens' Alliance" of Sun Francisco, re
joiceth over a mutter that is of national concern, for
this Alliance is an organisation for the making of war
on Union labor, and it boasts that the directors of the
Panama Exposition have decided to make that en
terprise "ratty". ,
Said directors, says the Aliance bulletin of Sept.
30th, have established the open shop polio? in giv
ing the fence contract. The fence will be built of
open shop material by both union and non-union
men, and this will hold good on all the Exposition
Thus, it seems, is determined one feature of San
Francisco's big show. Union labor men, who have
stood by San Francisco through thick and thin and
without whom she wouldn't today be a fly-speck on
the geography of the country, must take their
chances with imported "scabs" in building the Ex
Of course, the San Francisco blanket sheets make
no stir about the making of the Exposition an
"open shop" affair. That would "hurt business"
and San Francisco would go crazy with quakes,
scratch itself raw with smallpox, putrefy with bu
bonic plague and drown in an ocean of graft pus be
fore it would utter a word to "hurt business". But
the building of that Exposition is a matter which
really concerns the whole nation, and if the organized
enemies of labor have achieved a triumph through
those directors, the whole nation should know it.
ALL party conventions of California endorsed the
proposition for pensions for mothers of dependent
children. Let the good work go on!
GRAFTERS so looted Philadelphia funds that
5000 children are refused admission to her schools,
while 15,000 others ran attend only part time.
DR. PAUL WALDEN, of Russia, lecturing in Chi
cago, has our glad hand. Paul says chemists will
make eggs from air.
"SEVERAL battles impending in Mexico," say
the headlines. For impending battles little old Mex
ico certainly does take the cake.
EVEN Cousin Bill Tatt is becoming right fiery.
"If they won't stand by the ticket, throw them out
of the party J" he says. We may yet see Bill per
sonally engineering the steam roller.
IN a year's lawing a N. Y. cook has failed to get
$12.45 back wages from a doctor. Eight supreme
court justices, four city judges, the corporation
counsel, clerk and sheriff and her own lawyer have
figured in the case. Nice demonstration of female
WILLIE HEARST is roasting the "clotting and
congestion" of hereditary wealth, and he's too old
for his mother to spank, too.
TURN from those nice names of the Mexican war
to points in the Balkans such as Djumbola, Uamboli,
Eski, Saghra and Baschkvrania. A home for de
crepit telegraph editors would draw well in these
CALIFORNIA'S supreme court having ruled the
Iraft electors off the i ballot, you needn't be surprised
if little old Eugene Debs turns up among the 1 also
editorial PW of Cfic Cacoraa Cimes
"I must congratulate you on your boy, Josh," said the old friend.
"1 thought from what you said he was inclined to put on airs and de
"Well." replied Farmer Corntossel, "has anything happened to
make you change your mind?"
"Certainly. He must be a great help to you. I saw him the
other evening going down the road with a big straw hat and over
alls and carrying a pitchfork over his shoulder."
"Oh, yes," replied the farmer with a sigh. "Your mistake is
only natural. Josh was goin' to a costume ball." —Washington Star.
IN GOOD OLD GERMANY.
. While the crowd's watching the bicycle races—
Keep your eye on—
— the barrel
Built like a pork pie and radi
ating good humor, Adolf, the re
nowned soft-pedal comedian of
"Oagar and Adolf" fame, drifted
into our santum recently like a
■tray moonbeam. Adolf shook
hand* with everybody, Including
himself, and said he was not on
a business trip but only hiding
oat from Oegar who had another
of his peevish spells. Not that
ha minds being kicked in the
stomach or being pushed in front
of moving trains by Oagar. Ltfo
AN OPTICAL ILIA'KION
would be doll and commonplace
to Adolf without that, and he has
often nobly refused to take ,ga«
Just because some such stunt was
going to be pulied off by his pal.
He was dodging Osgar simply to
Needless to Bay that the public
Is with Adolf, and every time he
manages to turn the tables on his
elongated, pessimistic team-mate
in their brother act, everybody
rocks with laughter. The Comic
Pa<e would be an aching to! 4
THE TJUbHuk TIMES.
LITTLE PUFFS OF SMOKE.
The Times Daily Short Story
One day three very prosperous
kppMrtag gentlemen called for
Mr. Tinker. The trio wore high
silk hats and red vests spangled
with yellow anchors, with a good
pint of diamonds sparkling from
lingerß and srarfs.
When they had gone Mrs. Tiak
er turned eagerly. "Oh, what is
Mr. Tinker assumed an oratori
cal posture. It means that I,
Lucius Timotheus Tinker, am the
people's choice for councilman in
the fourteenth ward of this mis
governed city. It means that vice
and greed are to be throttled and
the banners of truth and jus
"Is anybody for you?"
"Everybody —Hon. Buck Mc-
Kenua, Hon. Pink Noonan and
Hon. Patsy McCorkle, the well
known reformers—they Bay the
"It will cost quitP a bit, I sup
pose," mused Mrs. Tinker.
"Well, there is printing," ad
mitted Mr. Tinker, "but a patriot
must not consider the cost."
As true patriots, the Honorables
McKenna, "Noonan and McCorkle
agreed with Mr.'Tinker, and next
day they requested $100 for print
ing. The next day they obtained
$50 for stationery, and on two
succeeding days they secured $100
to be divided among the Sunday
schools of the ward and $50 to
buy banners. When on the fol
lowing day they obtained $15 for
free ice for the poor, Mrs. Tinker
"Mrs. Thos. Jefferson would not
have demurred," retorted Mr. Tin
That same night Honorables
McKenna, Noonan and McCorkVe
WILLIE WAS MIXKD.
"I was sitting on my
thought a niluute ago," ex
plained Willie, "and all of a
sudden a chair hit me!"
"Are you quite sober?"
asked Marjorie. "Say that
again and say it very slowly."
"I say, as I was sitting on
my Idea I was suddenly
struck by a seat."
"Willie, kid—you've had a
heat stroke, I guess. Try it
once more —and if you don't
arrive at a bit of sense this
time I'll ring for an ambu
"Don't be silly. What I
wanted to say before you in
terrupted m« with your bally
nonsense was this: A few
moments aigo I was sitting
quietly on an inspiration.
All at once I was smitten by
a bench. I "
"Oh! Take him away.
Attendant! This gentleman
lias become mad. Get an
ambulance and a straitpack
And yet Willie was only
trying to say that as he waa
Bitting In his chair a thought
struck him. It appears to
' have, knocked him out —
Cleveland Plain Dealer. .'■ t
"Advertising Is a great*
thing," said the Cheerful '
Idiot, as he laid down the
"How do you figure that
out?" asked the Old Fogy,
t . "Here's a man who adver- ,'
--* tised for a boy on Monday,"
replied the Cheerful Idiot, ■
* "and on Tuesday . his wife '
presented him with one."
, Keep Us Guessing
'. "Hope springs \ eternal in \ .
the human breast.". ',' ,: "'■*
."■ "Yes; hope Is a great Jol- •
\ liar."—Kansas City Journal. '-1
t ■ Tool, leather '-. and \' hammer
#;|p|i %' ; ■ "Advertisement."
By Stuart I?. Stone.
ap)>eared before the house with a
great rabble. It was a tough
looking bunch, and they would not
cheer until Hon. McKonna sug
gested that Mr. Tinker buy cigars,
after which the crowd cheered
until his Jefferson address could
not be heard.
On election day Mr. Tinker,
after giving another $80 to each
of the reformers, stood serenely
abbut the polls and speculated as
to the size of his ma.iority. As
night drew on he retired to the
house and awaited the formality
of the returns. At 8 o'clock a
messenger boy brought him the
official vote. It stood:
Schenl:elfest. Republican, 9G7.
O'Connell, Democrat, 817.
Tinker, Citizens, 1.
"Why, Mr. McCorkle and Mr.
Noonan and Mr. McKenna would
make three," protested Mrs. Tin
"\\/>man, be silent!" thundered
the Citizens candidate.
A little later the three patriots
appeared. "It was a sad blow for
truth and liberty," they explained,
"but there will be another day.
And there are certain unliquidated
"Yes —this for the unliquidated
expenses," bellowed Mr. Tinker,
kicking the Honorable McKenna
"This for truth and liberty," he
shouted, shoving Hon. McCorkle
"And this for the citizens," he
finished, ricocheting Hon. Noonan
from Hon. McCorkle to Hon. Mc-
Next day Mrs. Tinker made the
final entry in the great struggle
for the restoration of public liber
ty. It read:
"To one fine and costs, po
lice court, charge assault and
' battery, three counts,
injiima mi -in """ ." '*' '
i jrr EER2ON jjraley
(Af* r Tennyson.)-
I buzz across the country hills,
I hum along the valley, '
I cross the brooks and purling
I pass each lane and alley.
I carry folk on business bent, ■
I carry those on pleasure; ; v ■•,
I bring the countryside content
In full and brimming measure.
Through wind and rain and Bun
■ and snow.
In every sort of weather,
I shuttle swiftly to and fro
And knit the land together.
I bring the countryman to town;
It also is my duty,
To take the city dweller down
To scenes of rural beauty.
With freight I often hum along
From farm to busy city
(Or vice versa) and my Bong
Is quite a cheerful ditty.
Through wind and rain and sun
I swiftly shuttle to and fro.
And knit the land together. -_
• • Moving and Storage
No picture more beautiful
than a picture of- the mother
and her children.
You want such a picture and
you can make that other moth
—your mother — 'with
a picture of her grownup daugh
ters and grand-children. '- t
■•■' ■ DOS Tnroinn nt.
Nt I #-»*!■"» ft Business Office Main 12.
KHI IIN T.N Circulation Dept. Main 12.
* HVlllil/.; Editorial Dopt. Mate 794.
OFFICE—77O-778 COMMERCE ST.
THE INGREDIENTS OF A WORD
It takes all kinds of people to make up a world
In all kinds of climate and weather;
And round about space they are meirily swirled
All bumping up closely together—
The good and the bad and the poor and the rich,
The folk who are stupid and clever,
And its oftentimes hard to tell which one from which,
And it doubtless will be so forever.
It takes all kinds of people to make up a world
With its joy and its pain and ita sorrow.
Its eternal conflict in which we are hurled,
Its dreams of a brighter tomorrow;
With its banners of victory gayly unfurled,
Or the cloud of defeat that may shade it,
It takes all kinds of people to make up a world—
And a crazy old world they have made it!
A NEW AUTO SIGN
"I am, of course, in favor of compelling every motorist to dis
play the number of his car, for the purpose of identification, and
so on," said the man who ruminated while he was resting, "but I
think that in certain caaes it would serve to prevent misapprehen
sion and avert suspicion if the machine were decorated with a con
spicuous placard baring the legend. 'IT'S PAID FOR!''
Give the Down-And-Outer
Another Chance To Win
CHIEF AUGUST VOLLMKR OF BERKELEY.
BERKELEY, Cal. Oct. 9.—Sup
pose you were a poor man, shortly
out of the penitentiary.
Suppose you were trying to
make an honest living.
Suppose you should one day be
arrested, thrown Into Jail and told
you must go on trial after four
men had identified you as the
bandit in a highway robbery you
had never committed. i
Then suppose the chief of po
lice should come to you and say:
"I've Investigated. I believe you
are innocent and your arrest and
identification are unfortunate
mistakes. I am going to defend
Sounds almost unbelievable,
Well, It's true. It's a remark
able story. Chief of Police Au
gust Vollmer of Berkeley is a re
First he believes the police
should help a man who has fallen
to get on his feet again; he be
lieves where they can they should
provide jobs for unfortunates;
that tlwy should not point to the
number of arrests as an indica
tion of the efficiency of the de
partment, rather they should
show the absence of crime.
Vollmer preaches this to his
men, practices it himself.
Recently three street cars were
held up la Berkeley. Certain
things pointed to Oeo. Batteatta
as the man. Batteatta was <a post
graduate of two California peni
tentiaries. So they brought him
to the station and there four of
the six men, the crew of the car,
"That'B the man."
Batteatta told the chief his
story, not under the third de
gree, but frankly. He told the
chief that he had sold his only
possession in the world, an ac
cordeon, for $14; that with this
money be had hired ft peddler's
wagon and was trying to make an
Vollmer didn't go on the identi
fication of this man as proof posi
tive that he was the bandit. He
Investigated and he found proof,
irrefutable circumstantial evi
dence which proved to him the
man was innocent.
"I'll defend you," lie told the
accused man; "I'll see that you
He also guaranteed the expense
for the defense. But before Bat
teatta was tried another man 'held
'Up a street car In San Francisco.
He killed himself while In a run
ning pistol fight. And It was
proved, absolutely, that the ex-|
Wednesday, Oct. 9,1912.
Geo. Betteattn, who, so far as Is
known, Is the only accused man
whom a police chief ever offered
to defend. • - ■ . .
convict whom Chief Vollm«r was'
going to defend was not the man,
and that the dead bandit was the
one. : : , ,-.... ; .\'.■;. ; -f,,. ; '-. f.
But that was last one Incident
in the police rule of August. Voll
mer. •. • , . ' : < ■
There are dozens of others Ilka
It; there are men In Berkeley to
day who committed petty acts of
crime, who have been set an their S
feet by Vollmer. One man utter- \
ed a fictitious check because his
children were starving. Vollmer J
straightened out the matter and.
got the man a Job. Today that
man is making good. ■'
- and Chippewa %
Tk* fasteat and Ural day
I ■tramcra ■■ the coast. - -'' »< .-'
EIGHT.ROUND lull's DAILY
Leaves Tacoma from Mu
nicipal Dock at 7:00, 9:00, 11:00
a. m.; 1:00, 3:00, 6:00,- 7:00
1:011 P. m. - ,--...,-».»
'» Leav* Seattle from Colman
dock,:7:oo. 9:0«. 11:00 a m..
1:00, 3:00. 5:00, 7:00, 9:00 p. m.
; -\. SIKKJLU KAIIR 35c. -
;*^ ROUND TRIP B«r
A Sietm«r Every Two Hours.
,-- I*. K. ■ PIiHCKI.L, A*tmt »,
Phon* Main 844?