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APPETITE FOR TROUBLES
A missionary was urging a lazy heathen to arouse and do.
''Why trouble yourself?" asked the heathen.
t"lf you work you ran make money."
"With money you can buy property, enlarge your life and become a great
—why, then you will be happy."
"But I'm happy now," returned the heathen.
The tropics are full of optimism of this sort. That's why there's nothing
doing there. There is too much comfort and sunshine. It takes fog and rain
and snow to make men hustle.
It is a mistake to suppose we ought always to be happy and free from trou
ble. We need to be miserable sometimes. Happiness is the reaction, pleasant
The human heart has strange appetites. It must have its sorrows, its
tragedies and tears and bitter herbs.
Like the old woman who "loves our murders" in the newspapers, we want
blood in our novels, and we pay $4 for a seat in the theater when there is to be
tragedy and 25 cents to see a comedy. And we want the preacher to give us
fire and brimstone occasionally.
We all want pleasure. But there is another want fully as imperative. We
want trouble. We may think we don't, but we do.
A TITLE FOR SALE
Frenchman wants to sell his decayed title of duke and hopes some rich
American may buy. It would not be surprising if he should succeed.
The newly-acquired wealth of some Americans, like fresh paint, catches
all the little gnats and flies of fancy that conic in contact with it.
The newly-rich-American is apt to buy anything except common sense.
He couldn't buy that if he would and he wouldn't if he could. Common sense
is common and, therefore, to be despised.
A title of duke indicates some distinction. True, a French title no longer
has anything back of it except an ancestry that is dead. It is nothing but
empty sound without meaning, but some newly rich American can be found
who cares more for sound than sense.
A French title indicates that its legitimate bearer comes of one of the old
aristocratic families before the French republic reduced all to a common level.
It indicates blue blood and may or may not indicate training in gentility and
The most honorable title that any American can attain is that of gentle
man, and he need not go to France to get it, and he needs no money to buy It.
DIVINITY OF A MONARCH
The <-zar of Russia is a conceited fellow, all right Tic's rewarding God,
for His grace in bringing about the recovery of the little heir to Russia *S
throne. By "divine right" from God, the czar sent Private Dachurin'to penal
Servitude for life for leaving the ranks at a review in order to present a peti
tion, (lod having spared the czar's son, the czar pardons Dachurin.
How many of us common folks, in the ordinary doings of life, do things
to curry favor with God rather than as a matter of justice, or mercy I
Doubtless <'zar Nicholas believes that everybody is now pleased —himself,
Dachurin, and God. The awful injustice of making a man a life-convict for
sake of petty discipline is lost sight of. (Sod helped the czar. The czar re
Historians of the modern school are finding more and more that wars
are to be traced to economic causes. Scrvia is a good example. Scrvia lias
been the victim of commercial exploitation by Austria. The latter country
Was in a position geographically and otherwise to place a boycott on Servian
products —mostly cattle and agricultural products—and was in the habit of
doing so to the great distress of the Servian people. The Serbs are fighting
for a commercial outlet and port on the Adriatic. Austria is intriguing with
the powers to keep the Serbs in industrial subjection.
Between Jan. 1 and Oct. 25, Uncle
Bam took in 801,126 immigrants.
Mr. Spring-Rice is to be the new
British minister at Washington. Too
bad. We so much prefer spring peas.
Mexico's minister of foreign relations
looks upon Woodrow Wilson as a "dis
interested friend" of the Madero ad
ministration. Disinterested friends are
worth about 2 cents the bushel.
Women's suffrage movement is al
most world wide, says Mrs. Carrie Catt,
president of the International Suffrage
alliance. Wonder what Mrs. Carrie's
husband's front name is!
British Minister Bryce needn't throw
up his job in order to devote himself to
literature. Jimminy! Let him stick
right at Washington until we get to fir
ing off the literature about those Pana
ma canal questions!
Do not postpone the opening of a savings account simply
because of the gruallness of your first deposit. All things, you
know, must have their beginning. The big things of today were
little things of yesterday—Remember, we receive deposits as
low as a dollar.
4 o/o BANKERS TRUST CO. BANK 4 o/o
HANKERS TRUST BUU.DING, TACOMA, WASH.
editorial Pao,e of Cfic Cacoma Cimcs
Butchers in Germany are serving deg
meat. Germany has high tariff against
meat and also a meat trust Beef for
the 5 per cent; dog for the 95.
Wickersham is eager to dissolve the
Sugar trust before he goes out*. And,
considering Tobacco and Standard dis
solutions, Sugar ought to be right
Philadelphia^ may be slow but
that fellow who suicided because he
couldn't tell what men's styles of
clothes would be next spring was on
Francis Heney wants the California
progressive party to discard the name
"republican", as it is "prejudicial."
Why not wait until it is seen what those
Taft republicans really did for the Cal
ifornia democracy, Francis? Looks as
if the progressives were going to need
'em bad, some where, some time.
What Tcxans Admli-o
U lienrty, vigorous life, accord
ing to Hugh Tallman, of San An
tonio. "We find," he writes,
"that Dr. King's New Life Pills
surely put new life and energy
Into a person. Wife and I be
lieve they are the best made."
Excellent for stomach, liver and
kidney troubles. 25c at Itynor
MaUtrom Drug Co., 938 Pacific
THE TACCMA TIMES.
PRACTICAL THAI.\IX<; l-'Olt YOIXG LADIKS
"Your business college tor young ladies seems to be all
"It Is all right."
"Do you give the girls a good practical business training?"
"In voply to that question I can only say that sixty per
cent of our graduates marry their employer* the first year."
American On the Job In
AMBASSADOR WILLIAM \V. nOCKHILL.
Your Uncle Samuel may not be
so much of a diplomatic genius,
to hoar the Kiii'itpv.-in critics talk,
but this time he certainly has,the
"edge" on the smarties who i mi
the foreign affairs for the wide
ly "powers" on the other side of
the b\g pond.
For the V. S. A. has an ambas
sador in Constantinople, the heart
of the ilnlk mi war trouble,* who
lias Ih-i-h on both sides of the
fence, no to speak. Willianf W.
Kockhill represented this . nation
in Greece, Bulgaria and " Servia,
once, ami now ' he's on the other,
the Turkish, side, watching- tile
greatest diplomatic game p'lnyod
since heck was a pup. i!A ' I
If there Is another fellow In the
United States diplomatic service
who knows morn about Oriental
people and their ways than" does
Rockhlll, he has wonderfully well
escaped notlve. Once while rep
resenting- this country In Korea
he quit his job and disguised him
self as a native merchant , and
wandered through a large part' of
Caille Perfection Gasoline Engines
"The Cheapest Good Engine on the Market"
WM. A. MULLINS ELECTRIC CO., 1014 A st.
Thibet before the exclusive Dalai
Lamn, got next, just to learn
something about the most secret
ive people in Asia.
He was Minister Conger's right
hand man during the last of the
Boxer riots in China and was
afterwards made minister to that
country. When he returned he
was sent to St. Petersburg, as
American ambassador, and dlp
lomatod with the czar's govern
ment until he was transfered to
the Sublime Porte last year.
Years ago Rockhill, then &
young Philadelphia school boy,
went to France for a military ed
ucation. iy? wanted to be a sol
dier and saw some service In
northern Africa under the French
flag. Then h<« changed his mind
and came back to Washington
where he has held down various
position.-; in the state department,
and was at one time director of
the bureau of American repub
lics. Then came his appointment
to the Balkan states as minister
There's many a man who kicks
The price of pork and steak.
Who says that the cost of chalky
Gives im a constant ache,
Who howls wlipn he buys a dozen
And roars a half an hour
Whey buying a cake of laundry
Or half a sack of flour.
Who threatens to cause someone's
And rails against the trust.
And says that the cost of living
Will make the nation bust —
Who'll blow in a good five dollar
For one of the latest shirts,
And pick out a swell three-dollar
And make no sign it hurts,
Who'll stand at a bar with twen
And buy round after round
In treating the crowd to flossy
And never make a sound?
"Verena, bring Uncle Elijah an
other napkin; he lias tucked that
one under his chin."
"I was only joking when I said
you had been calling on the man
icure, Mr. Plimmins; I can Bee
that you haven't."
"It's awfully good of you to
stay so long this evening, Mr.
Spooner, suffering as you must be
from those tight shoes."
"How much trouble it is to look
after boys! I don't wonder, Mrs.
Chucksley, that you seldom have
time to wash Bobby's face."
"Clarence, dear, are you start
ing a beard, or have you merely
forgotten to shave?"— Chicago
Tobacco and salt are the only
imported articles not taxed by
Earnings of the harvester trust
increased 200 per cent in five
years. Congratulations, farmers.
The melacnholy days are come,
And boobs with noodles narrow-
Will pay their bets by pushing
The winners In a barrow.
It Is estimated that 100,000
boys in this country are working
their own wireleas telegraph out
Possibly the republcans are
figuring on eating their Christ
mas dinner In Constantinople.
They won't eat any Thanksgiv
"The new overcoats worn by
the police," says a New York pa
per, "show the graceful curves of
the wearers." More evidence that
the New York police are not
Trying to prevent a flannel
shirt from shrinking.
Feeling sorry for the Turks.
Cheering for the Balkan allies.
Regretting that somebody
An Orgy—in lowa.
The workmen were then called
together and Mayor Ingman
treated each one to a cigar and
a fine large apple.—Villiaca.da.)
Itf trUkTrT 1 BiMlneaa Office Main 12.
PHI llNr 1 Circulation Den*. Main 12.
* **w*l»Jl»» Editorial IJept. Main 704.
OFFICE— 77O-778 OOMMMCX ST.
The Turks may be behind the
times, but they are eliminating
the stops in the rush hour.
"Gone to War. Back February
1. —A I'appadorous," is the sign
on a Greek fruit store in Roches
ter. Thftt'B our idea of the qulnt
esence of confidence.
A monkey In the New York
zoo Rets a sirloin steak and a
chew of tobacco every morning. A
whole lot of men have to gat
along on the ohew of tobacco.
His Own Muster.
"Drinking beer Why, I thought
you were a temperance man."
"So I am; but I'm not a slave
to the cold water habit." —Puck.
The world's coal consumption
has just about doubled every 10
years for the last century.
A Short Time to Be BM&
Last Monday nit;ht one of the
horses owned by George Beach
became fast In the stable and
would have choked itself to death
had it not been for the dog. He
awakened Mr. Beach, who arose
and went to the barn, where he
discovered the horse nearly dead
from exertion. He hastily un
tied it, but had it not been for
the dog the horse would prob
ably have been dead until morn
ing.—Crestline, 0., Advocate.
Josh Wise Says:
"Th' trustees o' Beeleysport
hey had ter discipline Hickory
Bludgeon, th" marshal. He got
sassy ter Mayor Frledmiiah when
th' latter asked *lm ter Quit
btealin' milk off his front porch."
In Mie past 10 months 17R chil
dren have been killed by ve
hicles in the streets in New York
li takes all kinds of men to
make a world. Some marry rich
women and others run for vice
A fox hound of average speed
covers 60 feet a second.
©"V OTJVTQN ; JBRAI&V
We've chosen you for captain
To sail the ship of state;
The crew is yours to manage
From oi"'er up to mate;
We know the ship is sturdy.
We know her lines are true]
So, Mr. Wood row Wilson,
The rest is up to you!
Your chance Is all before you
To prove what you are worth
To show how well you handle
The biggest job on earthf
The course is all uncharted,
The beacon lights are few,
The quarter-deck awaits you,
The rest Is up to you!
The World's Standard Piano
Through four generations the Stejnway
family has upheld a reputation of tone qual
ity unequaled; they have built a piano
which has fix<«d the basic principles for all
makes; they have created a world standard
and kept it at a level unapproached by
Quality should be the only determining
factor in the selection of a piano. The pur
chase of a Steinvvay Piano closes the avenue
to a future regret.
Sherman & Go.
Mrlonar and Other l'l>no»- Apollo and OrlUna Plar«r Pl
, ■ ui»— Talking Machines—Shrrt . Music m and , Mnalrnl
- .'---■ '-.--■,■ • Mi'rrhatKlUr. '■),•' •■,:.-• . ,
< 928-930 C St. " ■; Tacoma.
Turn to the 8)^B& Want Adi
Monday, Nov. 18, 1912.
<$> Religion Today. <l>
# Mrs. WayuppSo they <S>
$> have Just had their flrat <«>
$> quarrel? •
$ Mrs. Blase — after 15 •>
♦ years at married life, they -
I have Just discovered that •■
j> they belong to opposite <s>
'»■ churches.—Life. <S>
Sucli Men Are Numerous.
I buy second-hand men's
clothes and shoos; send postal.
Herz, 9 8 ■, 4th st. —Advertise-
ment in New York Telegram.
And another good thing about
an egg strike is that the national
guard is never called out.
What has become of paper
John Langdon of New Hamp
shire was the first president of
the senate, sitting when Washln
ton was inaugurated and remain
ing In the senate 12 years. He
was a farmer.
A girl named White, of New
London, Conn., insisted on noth
ing but white at her wedding, on
account of her name. Even the
bridegroom was white.
There Must He Koine Such Some
WANTED —Cook, lady or gen
tleman; must be sober; country
hotel. Gibson house, Quincy, O.
— Advertisement in Cleveland
(O.) Plain Dealer.
Newfoundland has CjO miles
There's a girl in Southern In
diana whose name is Dorothy
Cross, but she calls herself Dot
and always signs her name X.
Out of Place.
Ilowell—l feel like a fish out
Powell—l feel like a horse in
a garage.—Real Estate i£xpress.
False lights will flare to tempt
False voices seek to sway.
And storms will shriek and bat
And fogs hang think and grayj
Your task Is to guide h-er.
To sail her safely through;
We've chosen you for captain,
The rest is up to you!
. Moving and Storage