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What the Doctor Ordered and the
IMMEDIATE AND EFFECTIVE.
H» Limbers Up His Muscles by Some
Vigorous Exercise, Not Forgetting te
Take Out the Stiffness by Internal
By M. QUAD.
(Copyright, 1911, by Associated Literary
WHEN Mr. Bowser reached
borne the other evening bis
looks gave away the fact
that be bad some scheme on
band, and all through the dinner hour
Mrs. Bowser was womlering whether
he had bouyht a family hog or taken
stock In an umbrella which could be
carried in the vest pocket when not
in use. She waited patiently for his
news, and at last he said:
"I don't want to startle you, Mrs.
Bowser, but I feel it my duty to tell
you something. As my wife you ought
to know what the doctor says about
"But what can he say about you
except that you are In first class
health?" she asked.
"Yes; I look to be in first class
health. Men pass me on the street
and envy me; but, alas! they don't
"GENERAL DECAY OF THE MUSOT7LAB SYS
TEM ABOVE THE WAIST."
know. 1 have suspected it for several
months past, but only today have I
been fully satisfied."
"You have gone to some quack doc
tor and let him stuff you with a lot of
nonsense. You've got an appetite like
a horse, you sleep like a bog, and I'd
like to see a healthier man than you
are. What did tbe fool of a doctor
"Mrs. Bowser, you are addressing
"I know that, and he's got another
fad on hand. I really believe that if
anybody should come around with a
tin horn you'd buy it and try to get up
a new toot!"
His Impending Doom.
At almost any other time those
words would have jumped Mr. Bowser
a foot high, but on this occasion he
remained calm and placid, and there
was a touch of pathos in his tones as
"Very well, Mrs. Bowser: we will
let the subject drop right here. If I
die a few years before my time, odds
Is the difference."
He dropped into a chair and held his
bead in bis bands, and the cat came hi
from the front hall and sat down in
front of him and looked so mournful
that Mrs Bowser melted enough to
"Well, what did the doctor say?"
"General decay of the muscular sys
tem above the waist," answered Mr.
Bowser. "1 forgot what medical term
he used, but that's what it amounts
to. Too vigorous action of the heart,
combined with .lack of exercise, Is
what has brought It about. 1 may col
lapse any day."
"Did the doctor say there was a
"Yes; he advised immediate and vig
orous exercise—something for the arms
and shoulders in particular. I went
right out and Joined a bowling club,
and I thought I'd drop In this evening
and roll a few balls. If it wasn't a
case of life and death, you know"—
"And under the circumstances you
won't raise a row about my being out
"No. If you have decay of the mus
cular system you must see to It at
"That's what the doctor said. 100
needn't sit up for me."
"It might be a little late, yon Bee. If
I find my muscles limbering up 1 shall
fteep right at It. Just go right to bed
at the usual time and don't worry
about my condition. I think I have
taken It in time and will come out all
The Alcohol Cure.
It was true that a pain under hla
Wioulder blade had sent Mr. Bowser
to a quack doctor and that he had
been told to exercise more and eat
less. He had imagined about all tb«
rest. After getting out of the house
be let no grass grow under his feet
before reaching his club. He was
warmly welcomed and was told that
the first thing In order wan to take a
drink. It came out soon after he bad
•wallowed his glass that be was at
tacked with decay of the muscular
system, and by advice be took an
other. Tbe twenty men at the club
that evening were all thoughtful, kind
bearted men. and wben Mr. Bowser
got bis coat and vest off and his sus
penders tied around bis waist and was
ready for bowling they suggested that
be have a little something to drink to
take the stiffness out of his shoulders.
When he rolled bis first ball it jumped
out of thp alley and knocked a .colored
boy into tbe middle of next wetk and
then crashed through a window, and
Rome enthusiastic individual suggested
cocktails. His second remained on
the alley and jumped over the pins
and knocked the side of tbe bouse
out. and that incident created thirst
for more drink.
Mr. Bowser was Umber urj his legs
and seeing twenty-four pins and three
or four alleys wben be made ready to
roll bis third ball. He meant to make
It a winner. He got a firm grip and
swung It to and fro and tbeu took a
short run and let her go. Tbe action
caused him to sit down on tbe wax;
planks with a jar that shook his teeth
In their sockets, and he beard shouts
of excitement and enthusiasm as the
ball knocked down four pins nnd a
post and followed tbe first out of the
window. When they bad assisted him
to his feet and all had taken a drink
over his miraculous bowling tbe
thought suddenly struck him that he
ought to go borne. He also got It into
bis head thut he must carry the vic
torious ball with him to show Mrs.
Bowser, and as he seemed inclined to
be crusty about It he was permitted to
have bis own way. He departed with
bis coat and vest on one arm and the
ball under tbe other, and half an hour
later the sleeping Mrs. Bowser was
awakened by a racket which scared
her half to death. Some one was mov
ing about on tbe floor below, and there
were hiccoughing and chuckling and
gurgling. Sbe threw on ber wrapper
and descending found Mr. Bowser had
lighted the gas and was just about to
begin bowling. He was batless, coat
less and vestless, and be was weaving
about on bis legs.
When He Reached Home.
"What on earth ails you?" she de
manded as sbe took in tbe situation.
"Nozzin' alls me—nozzin' at all!" be
thickly replied as he looked at her
blankly. "Now, zhen, everybody shtand
ashide while I knocker down more'n a
He stood in the front window and
sent the ball rolling and leaping and
bounding down the parlor after the
eat. creating a noise that woke up peo
ple across tbe street, and then, with
a happy expression on his face, he sank
down on the floor and murmured:
"Mishus Bowser, I'll roll you fr er
drinks. 1 will. Shay, you orter shee
sliouie of er shots 1 made tonight.
Knocked down shix drinks and more'n
a million pins. Shay, now, zhat doctor
was right—health back—got er life
back—whoopee fr me! Where's er
cat? Where's Mishus Bowser? Where's
old man Bo—how"—
"And so this is the way you go to
a bowling club and come home to me,
Is it?" she demanded.
"How else sfiould I e-oome home?
Hain't got er flyin" masheen, have I ?"
"You have been drinking, sir!"
"Not over thir-thirty drinks, Misbus
Bowser, and every drink helped my
musk'laf system 'bove waist. You shee
zhat cat? And now you sbee zis ball?
'Er Idea is to bring er cat and ball to
gether. One—two—three" —
Mr. Bowser fell over a rug and was
asleep in two minutes. The gas was
turned down, and he was left there, tie
was still slumbering when Mrs. Bow
ser came down in the morning. As
she shook him awake he rubbed his
eyes and said:
"Got home late nnd didn't want to
disturb you and so camped down here.
Where was it I went last night?"
"To a prayer meeting, I believe."
"Must 'a' been, for 1 feel this morn-
Ing as if I should live to be a hundred
The Last Resort.
Matrimonial Agent-Yes, sir, I thtnk
we can suit you perfectly. Ah—our
preliminary fee is 5 guineas.
Tbe Cliett—Five guineas? My dear
laddie, don't be farcical. Why ever
should I want to marry if 1 possessed
all that money?— London Opinion.
A Trifle Suspicious.
"Does your husband play poker?"
"1 don't think so," replied young Mrs.
Torkins. "But I must say tbe sick
friends he visits in the evening borrow
a great deal of Charley's money."—
Ought to Whistle It.
Little Allck—What is an Incongruity,
Onc!e William—An incongruity, child,
Is a divorce lawyer humming a wed
Hugging a Delusion.
One reason a married man
thinks he values his liberty Is
because be knows he basn't any.
The Suffragette Style.
First Litttle Uirl-Don't you want a
dolly that talks?
Second Little Girl-No. I want one
that breaks windows.- New York Bun.
Ufa and Leva and Laughtar.
Ufa and lova and merry laughter—
These are things we all are after.
Win the second, love, and you
Boon will have the other two.
Win It not and you will be
Bankrupt In the bltasful three.
You may Uve and you may laugh.
But the harvest will be chaff.
-John Kendrlck Bangs !■ Judge.
The Colville Examiner, Saturday, January 4, 1913
Anlen Hand Grange.
! At Its meeting Arden Band grange
elected the following officers last Sat
urday evening: Master, A. 13. Skid
more (re-elected); overseer, William
Kuckley; secretary, Ed Anderson (re
elected); treasurer, J. M. Mohney; lec
turer, Mrs. Buckley (re-elected); stew
ard, Victor Moran; assistant steward.
Everett Skldmore; chaplain, Mrs. Ed
Anderson (re-elected); gatekeeper, Cal
Lee; Ceres, Miss Mary Moran, Pomona,
Miss Stella Helt; Flora, Miss Helen
Phillips; lady assistant steward, Miss
Nora Lee. After election of officers
the grange took a recess, and after eat
ing a hearty lunch and an hour spont
In social visit the grange was again
convened and after transacting some
mote routine business cloßed, and more
visiting and a good time was had until
the hour was near midnight. sTet no
one cared to go home. All enjoyed a
pleasant evening. The grange Is in
flrst-class working order.
Not since the Pomona grange was
held here last summer has the Sherman
grange had a better or more Interesting;
meeting than that which was held on
lapt Saturday night. The attendance
was unusually good, and In addition to
the local members, Brothers F. P.
Waters, W. H. Anderson, Earl Ander
son, Omar Mathews and U. Grant Smith
and Sifter Florence Anderson of Qullll
sascut grange were present. Brothers
Charles Sherman and Stanley Potter of
Mt. Corbln grange were also present.
Five applications for membership
were received, and then a class of eight
candidates was given the third and
fourth degrees, the work being In
charge of Brother Waters.
The annual election of officers re
sulter as follows:
Master, Chester Lansing.
Overseer, H. W. Prouty.
Lecturer, H. C. Michael.
Steward, T. G. Roper.
Chaplain, Harrison Reed.
Assistant steward, G. J. Emsmlnger.
Treasurer, Mrs. Bertha Sengfeldcr.
Secretary, Fred Sengfelder.
Gatekeeper, Bert Stutsman.
Ceres, Mrs. J. J. Charlton.
Pomona, Miss Nellie Cult.
Flora, Mrs. Bertha Emsmtnger.
Lady assistant steward, Mrß. Zella
At midnight an excellent supper was
enjoyed, and after the business was
finished the young folks danced until
the "day dawned."
Sherman grange is one of the "live"
granges, and, despite its Isolated situ
ation, is doing good work. Under the
efficient leadership of Brother Prouty
the grange has had a very prosperous
year, and the personnel of the new
officers assures its continual prosperity.
W. H. ANDERSON,
Pomona Press Agent.
Bruce Creek Grange.
Bruce Creek grange met in special
meeting December 22. A public meet
ing had been advertised, at which Past
Pomona Master F. P. Waters, now dis
trict deputy, spoke on the benefits of
the order. He emphasized the great
power of the grange in its work of
strengthening the bonds of friendship
and community spirit, and also told
what the grange had accomplished for
the county, and mentioned several
things the grange was working for.
B. L. Rogers, newly elected lecturer of
the grange, spoke along the lines of
what the grange will do toward giving
encouragement and opportunity for the
development of those of unusual tal
ents and capacity in every community,
especially among the young people. At
the close of the public meeting a lunch
of sandwiches and coffee was served.
Six applications for membership were
taken and others are expected. The
public meeting was a very good tiling,
for it gave opportunity for many to get
a better and truer Idea of what the
grange really is, what It Is doing and
what it hopes to do. A closed meeting
of the grange was held after the public
meeting. District Deputy F. P. Waters
exemplified the work and gave much
helpful Instruction and advice. Co
operation was discussed and a tank of
oil was ordered. Public Installation of
officers of the Bruce Creek grange will
be held Sunday, January 6, at 1 p. m.
The community Is invited, and It In
assured that this meeting will begin
on time. Lunch will be served by the
grange, after which the regular meet
ing of the order will be held. It Is
hoped that there will be a large at
tendance at this public Installation, as
it will afford further opportunity for
every one to get a better knowledge of
the work of the grange. Remember the
date, January 5, at 1 o'clock. Lunch
after the meeting.
' "My child was burned terribly about
the face, neck and chest. I applied Dr.
Thomas' Eclectic OH. The pain ceased,
and the child sank Into a restful sleep."
—Mrs. Nancy M. Hanson, Hamburg,
According to the official count made
by the board of canvasers, the follow,
ing justices of the peace and constables
were elected in the various precincts
in Stevens county. First name is the
precinct, second the justice, third the
Addy, F. J. Willet, L A. Sizemore.
Arden, Don Wier, Geo. Brockway.
Blue Creek, C. L. Williams, D. H.
Bossburg, E. D. Hall, John Foy and
Boundary, no choice, H. H. Herrit
Barstow, Geo. W. Lane, W. R. Ward.
Bon Ayer, Arthur George, D. B. Lu
Chewelah, D. Van Slyke and F. C.
Janes, H. W. Wood and Ueo. W.
Clayton, E. N. Williams, M. Alion.
Columbia, L. W. Blagy, Owen
Colville, A. L. Knapp and Jas. Petty,
C. O. Smith.
Cronin, John Kendall, Mrs. Rlakernan,
Corbet Creek, Wm. Barton, Theo.
Daisy, 0. F. Parmeter, H. A. Weaver.
Deep Creek, Wm. Bechtel, Theo E.
Deer Trail, Kirkwood, S. Tuttle,
Doyle, Chas. Hubs, Eli Reissio.
Echo, NVvella Weaver, Glen Keller.
Evans, P. W. Bucholtz, Norman Lud
Flat Creek, John Downing, Peter
Forest Center, W.S. Rose, E. Carter.
Frontier, W. I. Lee, John Huntsman.
First Thought, J. W. Rickers, E.
Godfrey, A. W. Edberg, Don Wilson.
Gardenspot, James Fowell, A. P.
Harvey Creek, Carcnce Young, J. B.
Hunters, H. W. Quimby, F. Mills.
Kettle Falls, A. E. Baldwin and M.
Churchill, E. B. Gronden and R. F.
Lake Creek, S. C. Sturman, C. P.
Little Dalles, C. Park, no choice.
Loon Lake, John Ager, Wm. Swope.
Laurier, Richard Simon, I. I. Irby.
Marcus, ¥a\ Yarwood andW. C. Kirk,
R. E. Kerby.
Meyers Falls, A. W. Smith, J. P.
Middleport, B. Brown, A. L. Gillett.
Mill Creek, Erick Lundland, E. A.
Northport, Geo. V. Scully and S. B.
Crist, I. L. Dotts.
Nigger Creek, Nye Harris, W. W.
Narcisse, G. M. Busse, B. W. Doyle.
Orin, no choice, no choice.
Riverside, W. P. Blair, D. W. Mit
Rock Cut, John R. Connelly, no choice.
Reidul, Mrs. L. A. Nelson, B. G.
Springdale, John S. Gray and J. W.
Gillingham, C. A. Bartholomew and
Geo. W. Williams.
Spring Valley, J. L. McCormick, M.
Summit, May T. Noble, Leonard
Stensgar Creek, Martin Cory, J. W.
Square Creek, no choice, John Ker
South Fork, J. H. Havner, Oacar
Valley, J. G. Hare, H. L. Fisk.
Walkers Prairie, R. D. Vermilya, C.
White Lake, no choice, no choice.
Williams Valley, John Thorp, T. E.
Williams, Geo. McMillan, E. E. Tomp
All incorporated towns are entitled
to two justices of the peace.
We offer one hundred dollars reward for any
case of catarrh that cannot be cured by Hall's
Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY & CO.. Toledo. O.
We. the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney
for the last 15 years, and believe him perfectly
honorable in all business transactions and finan
cially able to carry out any obligation! made by
his firm. Welding. Kinnan & Marvin.
Wholesale Druggists. Toledo, O.
Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting
directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces of
the nystem. Testimonials sent free. Price 75c per
bottle. Sold by all druggists.
Take Hall's Family Pills for constipation.
>_>■ «..».n ■........-«■■..........-« . . . ■ ■ ..>■<;
Opening For Genius.
i An nutoinutlc snow shovel
' wouldn't be a bnd tliliiK for some
] genius to invent.—Detroit Free
"Have you eaten any of your pieces
of chocolate, Freddy?"
"Yes, auntie, I nte half a piece."
"And what did you do with the oth
"I ate that too."—Everybody's Week
"You've spoiled the sale of my new
"What's the matter?"
"You reviewed It under the heading
'Recent Books,' and the printer made
It read 'Decent Books' Instead."— Judge.
Of Course I
If the girl be beautiful enough
Imagination will furnish the mis
We prepay postage on all
mail orders to any place
in the United States and
"The Reliable Store"
carries a com
plete loose leaf
YOU PROVE IT!
An invitation to all
owners of cylinder machines —
Columbia and others.
We could argue the quality of Columbia
Indestructible Cylinder Records until a year
from now—but what good would it do if
you could not prove it for yourself by coming
into our store and seeing and hearing it?
We could print a whole newspaper every
day about the special and original Colum
bia processes of manufacture—and get no
where at all if the Records did not bear the
won't break, no matter how roughly they are used,
they won't wear out, no matter how often they are
played. Moreover, their tone is far purer, clearer,
more brilliant than that of any other cylinder
record made. Dnn't merely take our word for it—
Cost 35 cents!