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HEADY FOE THE BORE
CONVERSATION OF A MAN WHO WAS
PRIMED FOR A DYBPEPTIC.
A Ckfal* leraJld, Bent oa Relating, Hl*
On Ohm, Hmi* of a Hsr* Remarkable
On* Bad I* Able to Get In bat ■ Few
Ward* In the Ohm of « Lang T-tk.
■•You are so burly and robust," said
the orgulous dyspeptic with secret
■corn, to his casual traveling acquaint
ance, "that I presume yon are never
troubled with dyspepsia. Yon have
much to be thankful for. I am often in
such a stats that"
Was the bnrly acquaintance to endure
the garrulity of a chance dyspeptic? He
"On the contrary," he immediately re
plied, for, never having suffered a mo
ment in his life from any physical ail
ment, his mind was active and vigilant
"Ob the contrary, I have suffered un
told torture from dyspepsia, and as yon
are interested in the subject I will will
ingly give yon my experience. I began
with the finest digestion in the world,
but while engaged in the military service
of the country, being 10 years scouting
on the frontier, the character of the ra
tions, together with the quality of the
confections of soldier cooks previously
engaged in driving hacks and slugging
"Oh. my trouble was not with cooks,"
Interposed the dyspeptic loftily, but
nevertheless much chagrined to find the
burly acquaintance prepared to talk on
on the subject "As 1 was about to tell
yon, 1 am often in such a state that"
■•And the irregularity of the meals,"
hurried on the burly acquaintance,
"served, yon understand, in camp, al
fresco and a la fourchette sans ceremonie,
threw ma into such disorder that 1 had
indigestion, then dyspepsia, then non
sasimilation. 1 submitted my case to the
army surgeons. They advised me"
"Doctors an of little use. I will tell
"To confine myself to the simplest and
most digestible edibles and esculents to
be found in the military commissary.
Bat 1 ftrew worse, and the surgeons or
dered me back to civilization, where I
could obtain the delicate nutriment
which my disordered and seriously im
paired system required. I went to Chi
cago and began a diet of chicken broth,
fresh fruit, stale bread made from newly
ground graham, steamed oatmeal"——
"OK 1 tried all those. Five yean
"The result waa that 1 grew worse, as
before, and the local doctors advised me
to go to—to go to New York, where 11
should be able to find foods better suited
to my various state. Accordingly I went
to New York and laid but a diet of the
finest and purest of the selected foods
that that metropolis affords"
"Plain country food taken as the sys
"My physician advised exact regular
ity. 1 had two ounces sea tood, two
ounces farinaceous food, two ounces of
the juice of fresh imported fruits and
two ounces coagulated albuminoids ev
ery two hours. Growing steadily worse,
I consulted higher medical talent. One
doctor kept me on clam broth, another
oa tangerines, another on shredded
broiled frogs' legs, another on distilled
"Five yean ago"
"Growing steadily worse, I consulted
still higher authority. I was now told
that my diet was at *-_itauce with na
ture. The doctor told me that nature
was proportf"a, rhythm, music—foods
must b» taken in harmonious propor
tions Hb prescribed the same sea foods,
c—sals, meats and fruits as the others,
but in a chromatic scale of the decreas
ing seventh, throwing in occasionally a
ftw vegetables by way of variation of
the fugue and double extracts as over
"Of course you recovered, your case
being merely temporary"
"Growing steadily worse, I consulted
• doctor who had had great success
among the millionaires—financial suc
cess. He was a man of blunt speech
and plain common sense. He said I had
overworked my stomach and must give
it entire rest What 1 was to do for a
living in the meantime he did not say.
but he took a large fee with great scorn,
rightly despising me for the small
amount of money that he left me. My
stomach was now worse than ever. ' It
refused to be cajoled and despised my
offers of peace. Excuse me a moment
Once 1 had spent over 48 hours fasting.
1 then drank two drams of soda mint
with four ounces of aqua pura—every
thing was now drams, scruples and
ounces with me. and the zigzag symbolsof
those distressing quantities appeared in
my nightly nightmares like a procession
of Daniel yuilps and Humpbacks of No
tre Dame—as 1 say v drams of sterilized
milk at 70 degrees centigrade, with iv
wiggles of bismuth and ii jiggle jaggles
of soda, with a couple of glasses of wine
and pepsin to aid in the mysterious proc
esses of digestion.
"The large amount of actual food con
tained in the ounce of milk began to dis
tress me exceedingly, but the wine, to
which 1 was not accustomed, gave me
courage. 1 took several more doses of it
immediately, increasing the doses rhyth
mically. 1 had not felt so well in months,
1 said. 'Wine is undoubtedly a mocker,
bnt it is a good rnbifacient. besides pos
sessing valuable qualities as un antinar
cotic and merrymaker. Now. very well,
Mr. Stomach.' I said, 'you are unamena
ble to gentleness, unmoved by kindness
and irresponsivo to the concord of sweet
culinary symphonies. 1 will give yon
something to rage about.' Putting on
my hat, I walked lightly adown the
street and entering, not a doctor's wait
ing room, but a restaurant. 1 instantly
ordered and partook of a repast consist
ing In part of turtle soup, roast old goose,
broiled fat lobsters, corned beef and
cabbage, salt pork, hot rolls, Italian
cheese, tripe, mince pie. black coffee,
chartreuse and a black and green cigar.
"As you can imagine, when you con
sider the philosophy of it, that ended it
I hope you will never be troubled as I've
been. Good day."—New York Sun.
Why Mot "Kor Better or Woraer
It is a Kentucky woman's idea that
ths coat of arms cf her state ought to be
;_*nged. In place of the two men's fig
ores with clasped bands and underneath
them the legend, "United, we stand; di
vided, ws fall." she thinks there should
be the figures of a man and a woman
with clasped hands, the same motto be
— DaageroM XarrstiT*.
Jonas—Schmidt, the barber, told ma
wonderful story this morning.
Brown—lllustrated with cuts, I tap-
■ad* la Serpentine and Otk*r Stjt**. With
•r without Zomt*.
It may be said of the fashionable wom
an that, with all her lovs for elaborate
gowns and perfection in Itting, she still
dings to the loose and comfortable
blouso waist, which receives special at-
tention at this season of the year. There
never has been such a diversity of styles
or variety in materials employed to make
np this useful article of dress. Every
woman must have from three to a dozen
of these waists, or her summer wardrobe
is not complete. The silk blouse makes
a pretty afternoon toilet if worn under a
fancy zouave jacket. One shown in the
■ketch is of pale pink silk, with whito
tpots, and is worn under a jet embroid
ered black velvet zouave, and the other, I
for warmer weather. Is of fine French
cambric, and the jacket is made of white
cotton corduroy and trimmed with em
A pretty idea for a dainty, cool look-
Ing waist is one made of delicate figured
■ilk, with a lace front, wide cape effect
of silk over the shoulders and two puffs
In the sleeves. Still another is of any
desirable shade of surah, has a surplice
draped front, and the rapes are finished
with a narrow jet edge. For outing
gowns the linen and muslin blouse has
no equal, as each washing freshens its
A very "smart" looking woman who
attracted many approving glances was
gowned entirely in black satin, the short,
full cape and two skirted dress having
the look of three equal divisions. This
gave a very stylish effect. The only
trimming was a tiny insertion of white
guipure at the top of each hem, edged
with narrow jet. Old pinkish brocade
formed the yoke of the cape and also the
lining, and a large black leghorn hat
with feathers completed this very "chic"
costume, which accorded wonderfully
well with the tall, stately figure of the
Never sit in a damp shoe. Maybe
you think that unless your shoes are
positively wet a change is vi necessary.
This is a fallacy. The least dampness in
the sole, in its evaporation, absorbs the
heat from the foot, and in a few minutes
the feet will be damp and cold, and per
spiration is dangerously checked.
Take a peck of peaches, ripe, but
perfectly firm; peel and throw into cold
water to prevent their turning black.
For this quantity of fruit take a quart
of best cider vinegar and 2 pounds
of sugar. When this is boiling, take out
as many peaches as will boil without
crowding; let them stand on a linen
towel for a few momenta for the water
to run off. Stick 9 cloves in each
peach, let them boil five minutes, take
them out and put them in your glass
jars. Put more peaches in the vinegar
and continue this nntil all have been
cooked in this way; then pour the sirup
over the fruit in the jars, screw on the
tops and let them stand a week; then
pour off the sirup mad scald and skim
it and return to the jars boiling hot
Screw the tops on tightly and keep in a
dark, cool place. If there should not be
sirup enough to cover all the peaches,
add some more sugar and vinegar boil-
A clever housewife whose summer
home will be full of guests has a nniqne
idea for a guest book. It will bo an au
tograph recipe book, every woman writ
ing the rules for the making of her fa
vorite dish, but no duplicates being al
Good Chicken Sandwich**.
Cut homemade bread very thin (it
must be at least a day old) and trim off
the crust Pound chicken to a paste or
mince it fine and dress it with a little
mayonnaise. Spread this mixture on
the bread and then roll it in a firm
roll and place a slight weight upon it
When a sufficient number are prepared,
wrap them tightly in a napkin and put
them in a cool place, but they should
not stand over night, and the bread must
be tender, yet firm, or it will not roll
Black lace plays a prominent part in
cushions and pillows at the exchanges
for women's work. A sofa pillow of
yellow polka dotted silk had the polka
dots worked over in a lacelike pattern
and was deeply frilled with black lace.
Lettering For Linen.
A very simple way of marking either
handkerchiefs or napkins, which is also
quite effective, is to work the outlines of
pashms fox summer days.
the letters only in red cotton (or any oth
er color would do), and in the center of
the two line* make small round dots like
the example* shown in toe cut.
Tfc* Mods Uhos.
"Your little daughter, as she went oat
awhile ago, seemed the very picture of
"She was going to take a music les
"And your oldest daughter, who it
now going out, looks even more miser
"She is going to give a music lesson."
—New Yotk Press.
In a store at Athens, Oa., stands aa
old fashioned clock that was made in
LireapooL It haent missed a tick for 40
Broakfaat ami lunrhron Potato** In W*.
Potatoes left over from another meal
have a wide range of usefulness. Maitre
d*hotel is prepared by cutting eight po
tatoes of moderato size into slices a quar
ter of an inch thick and placing them in
a teacupful of boiling cream or milk sea
soned with half a teaspoonful nf salt.
half a saltspoonful of pepper and • ta
blespoonful of chopped parsley. Allow
the potatoes to simmer, closely covered,
for fire minutes, remove to • hot dish
and squeeze over them a tablespoonful
ef lemon juice.
For lyonnaise potatoes cut a sufficient
quantity of potatoes into dice to make a
pint and season with salt and pepper.
Then fry a teaepoonful of minced onion
in a tablespoonful of butter or salt pork
fat until the onion is yellow, after which
add a teaspoonful of vinegar and the po
tatoes. Stir carefully with a fork until
the potatoes are a light brown and have
taken np all the butter and place them
on a hot platter, sprinkle with a tea
spoonful of chopped parsley and set them
in the oven for two minutes, after which
they are ready to bo nerved.
Cold potatoes chopped moderately fine
and browned in a little hot sausage
gravy, ham fat, poultry drippings or but
ter are delicious. They should be stirred
to make them on oven brown, so that
they are neither too moist nor too crisp.
Judgment must be used in seasoning, be
cause the fat in which they are fried has
already been flavored. Cold sweet or
whito potatoes may be sliced to give the
pieces as large a surface as possible and
then broiled on both sides to a delicate
brown. This should be done on a wire
gridiron and mast be done quickly to
prevent the potatoes hardening. Arrange
the slices in an orderly manner upon a
warmed platter, put a small bit of butter
upon each and sprinkle lightly with salt
White potatoes may be fried and
served in French fashion thus: Cut them
in slices half an inch thick aud fry them
flat in a hot pan that is covered with the
drippings from ham, sausage or salt
pork. When the slices are brown on
both sides, season with salt or pepper.
Old Mantel Decorations.
A scheme for embellishing an old time
mantelpiece, the beauty of which has
been destroyed by age, is to plaoa a
board about 8 feet high against the
wall at the back of the shelf and cover
RASY TO DO.
it with cloth or velveteen. The same
covering is used for the shelf, and a
gimp is held aronnd the edge of the up
right board. Against this may be placed
small pictures, plaques or medallions or
fans an J jet have a fine background for
mantel ornaments. The shelf may be
simply covered or have a long square
scarf thrown over it. It depends upon
the quality of the mantelpiece whether it
U desirable to cover it up.
Heat 3 cnpfuls of milk with an ounce
of butter. Beat Seggs with a table
spoonful of floor and a little salt.
Pour this into the hot milk, atirring all
the time. Batter a hot spider, pour the
mixture into it and bake 20 minute*.
Turn into a hot dish and serve at once,
as a lukewarm or cold omelet is almost
as unappetizing as cold mutton.
Roll puff paste very tbin and cut in
■trips three-quarters of an inch wide.
Wind these around sticks three-quarters
of an inch in diameter and bake in a hot
oven about 10 minutes. Brush over with
white of egg slightly beaten, sprinkle
with sugar and return to the oven for
about three minutes. Remove from the
sticks and when cold fill with whipped
and sweetened cream. The cream should
be thick, sweetened and flavored to the
taste and beaten with an eg? beater or
in a whip churn until stiff enough to hold
its shape. Put a lady finger tube in a |
pastry bag. fill the bag about two-third*
full with the cream and press it into the
hollow curls. Cream horns are made in
the same way, using cone shaped sticks
about 5 inches long and three-quarters
of an inch in diameter at the large end.
To ('lran Black Ilreues.
An old and tried cleaning solution for
black dresses is a handful of fig leaves
boiled in a quart of water till only a pint
is left. Dip a brush or bit of sponge in
this and rub tho spots and stains. Black
cloth that is only dusty and generally
grimy may be washed in soap bark wa
ter, drying without rinsing.
A Hellcat* Compliment.
To be able to compliment without
seeming to flatter is a rare gift, and
probably no race of men are endowed
with that gift more extensively than the
An example of the Frenchman's rare
tact in matters of this sort is shown in
that sweet little story of a man who had
ventured to compliment a white haired
old lady upon her beauty.
"Ah," said she, "I fear yon flatter me.
You call me pretty? Why, lam an old
woman, my hair is white, and see, her*
is a wrinkle."
"A wrinkle?" he replied. "Never, ma
dame; that is not a wrinkle. It is but a
smile that has drifted from its moor
ings."— Harper's Young People.
Gbo.l. An Terr Old Toe.
It has been the current opinion forces
tunes that places of burial are haunted
especially after nightfall with specters,
ghosts and other apparitions. Persons
who have investigated this matter de
clare that tho ghost idea was prevalent
before Noah built the ark. Even Ovid
has put himself on record as believing
that spirits occasionally left their sepnl
chers and wandered übont seeking whom
th«v might devour.—St. Louis Republic.
It is remarkable bow frequently tha
games peculiar to different peoples take
some form calculated to tost severely
the hardihood, the powers of endurance
and the indifference to pain of the play
Put a pinch of cayenne on a piece of
lemon before you squeeze it over Little
Kecks or Bl >• Points and on joy the cco-
COPPER P»WTO" l^jT^*
J^Z-" — 3oTT©MT >ANT£
*^^^ £VEftV i>AiF^ GUARANTEED.
ADDRESS: SAN rWANCISCO. CAt-
—^Sl'his Space is Reserved forZZ
A. L. FIX & CO.
REAL ESTATE, INSURANCE.
Special Bargains in
Offered Here Next Week.
A. L. XIX & CO.,
NORTH YAKIMA, - - WASHINGTON.
H. SPINNING & CO.,
REAL ESTATE, INSURANCE,
ABSTRACTS OF TITLE.
Will Double in a Tear.
•O Acres 1 mile from depot; 5
acres young orchard; all under
cultivation; $125 per acre.
A Good, Cheap Farm.
160 Acres 5 miles from town; 60
acres Alfalfa, small house, good
barn; $40 per acre, % cash,
balance easy payments.
A Soft Snap.
60 Acres in Parker Bottom—J4
cash; balance at 10 per cent.;
$60 per acre.
Chance of a Life-Time.
85 Acres 434 miles from town;
goad hop house and barn; 20
acres Hops, 36 acres Alfalfa,
small orchard; % cash, balance
long time; $75 per acre.
In Addition to These
We Have Kor» of Oitiei Bargains,
Suit Every Class of Buyers.
H. SPINNING cfe Co.
( JSrort3^ireils:ircL€L. "WaslL
This is a Great Buy.
80 Acres 5# miles from town; 10
acres Alfalfa, small house, good
water right, all fenced; $40 per
acre; y h cash, balance in easy
payments to suit purchaser.
It Will Make You Rich.
280 Acres 10 miles from town.:
improved; $20 per acre.
A Rare Bargain.
20 Acres 2 miles from town, $100
Seek No Further.
240 Acres 6 miles from town;
good house and barn, new hop
house; 10 acres old Hops, 60
acres Alfalfa; $75 per acre, %
cash, balance on long time ai
low rate of interest.
al?^ U/ipt^r Styles
What a man wei-i counts for a good deal in this civiliied age.
I am now ready with an entirely now stock of
tlegaqt Imported and Domestic Patterns
at price within eaiy graap. Call aod tee ray atock and get pricra
WHITE, THE MERCHANT TAILOR.
l>Hi< m rk isos *ni i . itiMiirnin UriMITrKM.
HP. y. WHITI Yfcltlma Avnui >Tortfa Y»,lUn».
Gh A. BAILEY, ==
THE MUSIC MAN,
■ • HOW SOLE AUBNT ton
Steinwey, Weber, Estey, Emerson
Storey & Clark and Estey
Oadwell Building, Second St., North Yakima
Cheapest PISTe In Town for
General * Merchandise.
If you doubt this ascertain the prices
charged by competitors and then come and
buy of Us.
\t Fanners' & Mrs' Go-Qp. store
J. H. Carpenter,
THE POPULAR MERCHANT.
FiaeLine ol General Merchandise
A pleasant surprise awaits the housekeeper who visits his store.
There she will find a complete and fresh stock of groceries at a.iton
shingly low prices. No compromise with oleomargarine; no winking
It adulterations. Strictly pure food at proper prices.
Th« trumpet never proclaimed more welcome tidings than that
J. H. Carpenter sells Men's and Boys' Clothing at greatly reduced
BOOTS -A-ZLsTD SHOES!
That fit the feet, and prices that fit the pocketbook are what
the public appreciates, and that is just what you can find at
J. H. Carpenter,
THE CASH GROCER,
YAKIMA AYE., NORTH YAKIMA, WASH.