Newspaper Page Text
V 'J h 9 A J"''''.: !.: ii. ,T ,., tlu. .T;, m v,' ui fr,..;, M. ,i:,.y iHo.i.n; ;' ' nl , u i, :l (i Autl it i,..r in In r s 'h, 'U; iivi;..; J,, , ., ( '!iu .i;;- M i:vj. ' "I'o y tl.'.u'i t!i-. i.!ioti:';rni-inT Cat- "I Hipi'iK o f . i:vc-yo:i er,." De troit Free l'i f x. !! Over.lxht. lie ""V1 y (ildii't you ausv.vr n:y lot- v ;!,"hin; yen to many iuoV" -'1k "You didn't Inclose a sl:t:n."- idwn and Country. .The Inception. -tlonicy "hutoinneo jt' the law ex oi i s liu one." Client "i:-c('iit. of course, a law yoi'.-'-Tov.-u and Country. JMtHPiiolnted. "Ko you v.-orc lield t:p by linmlits?" -f"Ycs, and that Isn't the worst of it. I iv.oy .simply took my money -without t.et'iiniu- ip.o lorn- oi;ouj;h to give mo u start ua a masa::ine writer or lee i x: v o r . " "V V a s h I n t o n S t a r . Plans riirane Illustrated. siy On his own hook. Scraits. Compen siii.ons. JTadge "It must he just lovely to he a millionaire." Marjoric "Oh, I don't know. There iCi half as mucli pleasure in buying thigs when you know you can nu'ord tlii1 them." New York Times. Very JIucli Settled. She "Really, now, aren't you a mar ried man?" IJWNo. Why?" -? She "Oh, you havej such a settled look'.', J Hi "Yes; I've been refused by thir tetuf rir:!?." Now York News. JTcr Systfin U;isct. J.Iamma "You must be awfully careful, darling. Tlia doctor say a your system is all upct." Little Dot"" Yes, I guess it i.a, mam ria, 'c;:ij2p- my foot's ash'cp, and people must be terribly upset when they go to fcleei) at the wrong end." riiiiadel pliinquirer. ' ' A itfnrt jrr to Vogue "Wealth has its annoyances," said the man who keeps dispensing ready made philosophy. "That's right," answered Mr. Curn rox, in. a vor.o of deep conGdence. "If I had got rich, mother and the girls woul'yt insist ou my eating ollvr-?." .Washington Star. As Uua. "Good morning, sir," said a stranger accosting Rip Van Winkle, as the lat ter sme down out of the mountains from tweaty-year sleep, "and how are yJi feeling this morning?" "I f u feeling bum very bum," re- leotip m the usual grumblmg way mankind; "why, I never slept a i!l night." Boston Post. .Xu. rnkind Cut. . f -ajjas ci mg a cer iiher day tho other day .7'-e' t.. the Council, and vV pnev put up is a candidate for . asylir.a tir.u pat up" for tin "UCil." ; nu'd s:a::d-a much better xlag hi," dryly reloaded lit. S-v S Hc-bc-sl It i:? pure. It is jc nth. It is pleasant. It is efficacious. It is not txpeusivc. It is ooil for cliilvlrcn. It is excellent for ladies. It is convenient for btir incss ncn. It is perfectly safe uiuVr iu'l circunslt-ccs. It is used by millions of ijamilies the v.-orkl over. It .stands highest, as a laxative, with physicians. If you use it you have the LUst laxative the world I I' produces. MAKING A SPRING. 'No pride!" said parent swallow bird; "For all priJe is a foolish thing; licniembcr the truth that you have heard 'One swallow does not make a spring.' " "Pa! It is foolishness you sing." Said the young bird. "Observe; with care: t' o! One swallow can make a spring!" And he jumped into the air. New York Herald. BUSINESS. Teacher I was compelled to punish your son. He persisted in swinging on the gates in the vicinity of the school house, after I had repeatedly told him not to. rarcut Really, I c:m't sec anything terrible in that. Teacher It is very annoying to the neighbors. Parent. Very likely; but I'm a dealer in hinges. Boston Transcript. A BULL'S EYE. "I'm afraid my remarks this morn ing hit you rather hard," said the Rev. Dr. Scoruni, who had observed Mr. Cayman leave in the midst of the sermon. "What led you to jump to that con clusion?" asked Mr. Cayman, rather haughtily. "I noticed you jump-d before the conclusion. "Catholic Standard and Times. HOW UNENVIABLE. "There goes De Speptie, the great financier. He looks so extraordinary happy that I'll bet he's cornered some rtcck that will net him millions." "My, he's far happier than that! His doctor has just informed him that he can eat the whole of one egg for breakfast tomorrow without hurting his stomach." Baltimore Herald. SPEEDING THE PARTING. Mamma I was surprised and shock ed by the coldness with which you treated Miss Dorsum when she called. Ethel Yes, mamma, but I made up for it later Mamma Did you? Ethel Yes, indeed, you should nave seen how carefully I bade her l good-bye. Philadelphia Press. HIS LITTLE JOKE. "Ves," she said, "any new recipe l get hold of I paste in my cookbook Why do you ask?" "I thought you might like to have this bill for your Paris gown I pale today. That's a good receipt fci French dressing, you kno.w," said her husband, chuckling idiotically Phila, delphia Press. A Newly Discovered River. A member cf the Board of Geologi cal Survey of Canada discovered last summer a new river 300 miles in length, emptying into Hudson Bay. He also discoveicd several lakes in the same region, which shows that this continent offers a great field to those explorers who have been given their attention to foreign lands. THOUGHTFUL. "Don't worry about money, darling, when we are married. We can live en the proverbial 'hi cad, cV.e.-e and kisr.es.' " "I know, Archibald; but. who is going to furr.hh th bread and ;heese? Biltimcre M:r::ing Herald. $1 'family Rer.ting StufTcd Animals. Th trade in stuff ed animals i3 get ting brisker with the approach of the holiday season. "I (h-m't mean by that," said a William treet taxider mist, "that v.e arc selling''.. Unroof them. We are not. Wo never do sell stuffed beasts in herds at this time cf the year, but our renting list swelb prodigiously. People whoso business requires them to use stuffed animals and birds a3 advertisements general ly want an extra duck or dog or bear added to their stock for a month or two preceding and following Christ. mai. A trade mark of this kind, of good quality, costs r.ny where from $ri to $7"), and as those that are used merely as 'supers' are needed only a few months in the year, it is cheaper to ient them than to buy them out right. Almost every merchant in town, of high or low degree, n'''""' an extra splurge at this season b In'bitir.g a polar bear or somo o festive animal, consequently our re'u amounts to a rather nice income. Some seasons we do a pretty thriving business with thentjie.il companies r.'so, biu, this year the drama seems to have become too realistic to rely upon stuffed art for its effects, and our orders for property fowls and quadrupeds have been few." New York Times. The Ka.iir'c Muctach Considering the fact that Emperoi William is constantly in public view and has just left England after a stay of a week or :;o, there seems to be a curious conflict of testimony wheth er lie still continues to turn skyward the ends of his mustache. According to a description ouotcd by M. A. P.. he has untwisted the ends and now brushes them straight out. But the editor of M. A. I'. seems to disbelieve this, relying for his evidence on the latest jotographs, which still have the old martial vigor. It is a point which, if only for the sake of the young admirers of the emperor, ought to be settled at once. HE FINALLY TUMBLED. They sat on the sofa he and she dreaming the hours away in a happy manner peculiar to lovers. Finally he whispered in her shell-like ear: "You are like a peach." The maiden hung her head demure ly for a few minutes, while a warm blush spread over her "air, blonde face. "I'd rather be a pear," she answered, tremulously. A long silence ensued; then, like a boaov lrcam, the situation unfold ed . to the young man and the baniio are now up. A PROFESSIONAL. First Beggar Why didn't you tackle that lady? She might have given you something. Second Beggar I let her go because I understand my business better than you. I never ask a woman for any thing when she is alone; but when two women are together you can get money from both, because each one is afraid the other will think her stingy if she refuses. This profession has to be studied jurt like any other, if you expect to make a success of it, set? New Yoik News. AUTHORITATIVYE. Wright Does writing pay? Penman I begin to think it does net. I have written to a dozen friend-. to borrow an d I haven't got a cent. Yq'i : p rQ C" t - c ---- -t Its comp.i'Y nt port., are rll ' -tn. It n.'t ; y.'-AU; without imt'-ci-ant afttr-. fT.ct;. It is wh'-lly free from objv.c4kior,.-hl j M.b::t inc:: . It contain:; the laxative principles of plants. It contains the carminative principles of plants. It contains wholesome aromatic liquids which aic agreeable and refreshing to the taste. J I All are pure. iHKt All are delicatr.u:v-viidcd. All arc .skillfui y and scientifically compounded. Its value is due to our method of manufacture and to the crgiuality and .simplicity of the combination. To get its beneficial effects buy the genuine. Manufactured by T. r San Francisco, Cal. LoulsviJle, Ky. Now York, N. V FOB SALE BY ALL LEA VI SO 2) Ii CO a JUTS. Hollcw Car Axles. It is well known that a given .Vioiu-vt of metal arranged in the form of a turw will possess greater rigidity than asa Bolid bar. The principle was longXago utilized in tho forma tion of tlvs square columns of steel frame buildings. Lately it has been applied to th( 'rnmense shafts of ocean steamships, which are subjected to pevero bemlhiij as well ar twisting strains. A ho'.hW shaft is stiffvr than a solid one "of thsame weight. The most recent use o$ the idea is in the manufacture of axles for ears. A largo number ofioilow axles have been made in one of shops of the Carnegie company. aO.Pittsburg. It is asserted that less mulal is used in them than in the ordinary axle. They also require much 1-vs machine work jp'jjish them. From the manufae '.; point of view, at least, they are v satisfactory than those which are designed to replace. Just what service may be expected of them is another question. In order to set tle that question, a lot of ears are' .now being built with hollow axles under one truck and solid ones under tin other. These are to be run for tdx months and then examined for signs, of wear. New York Tribune. Court of Errors. Judges like a good joke at their own expense when it doer, not undignify the court. A former judge of New Jersey, whose decisions nine time out of ten were reversed on appeal and who resigned in high dudgeon because the higher couit so seldom agreed with him, said the other day to some cronies lunching in a. top-floor restaurant down town: "I shall always harbor the dim suspicion that I was right and the higher court was wrong. If the higher court is never wrong, why is it styled the Court of Errors and Appeals? In New York it is the Court of Appeals only. I have never yet known a judge of a lower court to admit his judgment was wrong, not withstanding reversals." A New Y'ork judge once, when re versed, said humorously to members of the Appellate Court: "I submit with pain and humility. Your opinion is no better than mine, but your judg ment carries more weight." New York Press. otner "My mother was troubted with consumption for many years. At last she was given up to die. Then she tried Ayer's Chtrry Pectoral, and was sneedilv cured." D. P. Jolly, Avoca, N. Y. No matter how hard your cough or how long you have had it, Ayer's Cherrv Pectoral is the I-irQt thina von can take, u -"-" -o j to It's too risky to wait until you have consump-1 tion. Ii you are coughing today, ct a bottle of Sj Cherry Pectoral at once. J Thrtf sizes : 2,Sc, ffc., St. Ail d!u:r;i:f3- S e'ur.fit't yotir . -et-.r. If he siti tnke it, h ! then i) i r.'s m v. If he tells Tim n-t it Lj . I,. i. ....... .!'...' 1.... i If- ; it. tMf -i 1 il ' Witt. II. v.n ntluwj, ii e it -jith loin. ' r wll'mr. r J. V. ATh.Fi CO.. L'lv el', Ma. i zvzijssrvrTrzzzz r -------to-? Il'j ! 1 HIT m Eft ? I ! If ! . - riiom !i!!Kf;.irtr,,lr. J' tlie fioutll t Ir- : jhurdwftre THE FIRST IMPRESSION. Mrs. Xtreme "What do you thick of my new rainy-day skirt, dear?" Mr. Xtrcme "Is that a ramy-day skirt?" Mrs. Xtreme "Certainly. What did you think is was?" Mr. Xtremo "A ruOe un you: waist." Harper's Bazar. n Ginners. We Manufacture tho Most CompMa line of Cotton Gii Kachinem of Ar.y Company in the World, namely, ifco PRATT, WSSMSHSP, af 1 Ml i C xs-m ElL J SMITH. Ve alsD make Liners for Oil Mills, Engto33 and Boilers, We a!sc sell everyth'ng necessary to compile a Modern Ginning Outfit and furnish our o:js tomsrs with full dehiletl plans and ma terial bills for construction of necessary houses for our plant3 without extra charga. Tlie Continental Gin Conipeny, Birmingham, Ala. WHITE 1'OB Oil LATKSr CATALOGUE. ''"V CANDY CATH A P T ' r. -Sr rwwaw'',r7 ""TS Genuine stamped C C C. Never sold In bulk. Beware of the dealer who tries to sell "something; just as fcod." Put up in CoHapsible Tubes. A Sul!tilnte for anil Superior to Mustard or any other plasmr, and will not blister the most c'.clicntp skin. The jiain alla-yini; and curative qualities of this article are wonderful. It will stop the toothache ul once and lelieva head ache and sciatica. We lecom mend it aa the best and .safs-t ex ternal counter-irritant known, also as an ex ternal remedy for pains in the chest and stom ach and all rheumatic, neuralgic and irotity eora jilaints. A trial will prove what, we clai m" for it, and it will be found to be invuiuab'e in tha household. Many people any "It Is the be.st of all your preparations. Trice 15 cents, at all druggists, or other deal ers, or by sondinR this amount to us in w.s;aa s tumps we will send you a tube by mail. No article sliould lie accepted by the publlo unless the tame carries our label, as otherwise it is not genuine CHESEBROl'GH MANL'fACllRING CO., 17 State Street, New York City. jfw V i..ih,.r.t.u riite. J . f) Ilavo made rropry ard its etm- 1 n "wi t r fr"T r-rr r -j plications a rpuuiany icr twenty -rrV years wiin iuu most woauoriui mKAP' Box ii Atktita, da, iiihiiow. Mionuni.a atoi i yoe. go To Cettoi UUUVWUUI U 111 nr avi b ii n i wm -iScSv F n r wt Htng t'ul'ece. Louisville. Kr op'-n th" wliolq ye nr. btudeutecan eniei anj' titne. ca'.aloc ire. i I'.w simt c ask rrtr: A MIIiv LAND WABilAiJ" " b'-ue'1 'fi ti iirirs of anv nr. .Mt Sohliors I KAiXR H. lit O l.li. I', o. Bui Duv, C l V Pry Merc itl.'r i"f, f n.u..t.j cLt,.i iJia.i'n i",-- .;