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eKesbur The little town, as I recall it, was of just enough dignity and dearth of the same to be an ordinary county seat in Indiana"the grand old Hoosler state," as it was used to being howl ingly referred to by the forensic stump orator from the old stand in the court house yarda political campaign be ing the wildest delight that Zekesbury might ever hope to call its own. Through years the fitful happenings of the town and its vicinity went on the santethe same! Annually about one circus ventured in, and vanished, and was gone, even as a passing trum pet-blast the usual rainy season swelled the "crick," the driftage chok ing all "the covered bridge," and back ing water till the old road looked am phibious and crowds of curious lown tolk struggled down tc look upon the watery wonder, and lean awestruck above it, and spit in it, and tuin mute ly home again. The usual formula of incidents pe culiar to an uneventful town and its Mcmlty: The countryman fiom "Jes sup's Crossing," with the corn *lal coffin-measure, loped into town, his steaming little graj-and-red-flecked "roadster" gurgitating, as it were, with that mysteuous utterance that ever has commanded and e\er must evoke the wonder and bewilderment of every boy the smallpox rumor became pre valent betimes, and the subtle aroma of the asafctida bag permeated the graded schools "from turret to founda tion stone the still recurnng expose of the poorhouse management the farm hand with the scythe across his shoulder, struck dead by lightning the long-drawn quarrel between the rival editors culminating in one of them assaulting the other with a "stdestick," and the other kicking the one down stairs and thcnceward ad libitum the tramp, supposltlously stealing a ride, found dead on the railroad the grand jury returning a sensational indict ment against a bartender non est the temperance outbreak the "revival Ihe church festival the "Free Lec tures on Phrenology, and Marvels of Mesmerism," at the town hall. It was during the time of the last-men tioned sensation, and directly through this scientific investigation, that I came upon two of the town's most re markable characters. And however meager my outline of them may prove, my material for the sketch is most ac curate in every detail, and no devia tion from the cold facts of the case shall influence any line of mv report. For some years prior to this odd ex perience I had been connected with daily paper at the state capital and latterly a prolonged session of the leg islature, where I specially reported, having told threateningly upon my health, I took both the advantage of a brief vacation, and then the invita tion of a young bachelor senator, to get out of the citv for a while and bask my respiratory oignns in the revivifying ruial air of Zekesbury the home of my new friend. "It'll pay you to get out here," ho said cordiiill.v. meeting me at the lit tle station, "and I'm glad you've come, for you'll find no end of odd char acters to amuse jou And under the very pleasant sponsorship of my sen atorial friend, I wns placed at once on genial terms with half the citizens of the little townfrom the shirt sleeved nabob of the county office to the droll wag of the favorite loafing placet'.^ rules and by-laws of which resort, by the way, being rudely charcoaled on the wall above the cutter's bench, and somewhat artistically culminating in an original dialect legend which ran thus: "F'r Instunce, now, when some folks gits To relyin' on theyr wits. Ten to one they git too smnrt And spile it all, right at the start! Feller wants tc jest go slow And do his thinkln first, you know. 'F I can't think up soraepln good, I set still and chaw my cood!' And it wns at this Inviting rendez vous, two or three evenings follow ing ray arrival, that the general crowd, acting upon the random proposition of one of the boys, rose as a man and wended its hilarious way to the town hall. "Phrenology," said the little, old, bald-headed lecturer and mesnerist, thumbing the egg-shaped head of a young man I remembered to have met that afternoon in some law office "phrenology," repeated the professor "or rather, the term phrenologyIs de rived from two Greek words signifying mind and discourse hence we find em bodied in phrenology proper, the sci ence of intellectual measurement, to gether with the capacity of intelligent communication of the varying mental forces and their inflexibilities, etc., etc. The study, then, of phrenology is, to simplify it whollyis, I say, the gen eral contemplation of the workings of the mind as made manifest through the certain corresponding depressions and protuberances of the human skull when, of course, in a healthy state cf action and development, as we find the Conditions exemplified in the subject before us." Here the "subject" vaguely smiled. JAMES WHITCOMB RILEY Pi'J* m ^copyoionr ^f eoOSJ /ttwwu coMMwy "You recognize that mug, don't you?" whispered my friend. "It's that corus cating young ass, you know, Hedrick in Cummings' officetrying to study law and literature at the same time, and tampering with 'The Monster That Annually,' don't you know?where we found the two young students scuf fling round the office, and smelling of peppermint? Eednck, you know, and Sweeney. Sweeney, the slim chap, with the pallid face, and frog-eyes, and clammy hands! You remember I told you 'there was a pair of 'em?' Well, they're up to something here to night. Hedrick, there on the stage in front and Sweeneydon't you see? with the gang on the rear seats." "Phrenologyagain," continued the lecturer, "is, we may say, a species of mental geography, as It were which by the study of the skullleads also to a study of the brain within, even as geology naturally follows the initial contemplation of the earth's surface. The brain, thurfur, or intellectual re tort, as we may say, natively exerts a molding influence on the skull con tour thurfur is the expert in phrenol ogy most readily enabled to accurate ly locate the multitudinous intellectual forces, and most exactingly estimate, as well, the sequent character of each subject submitted to his scrutiny. As, in the example before usa young man, doubtless well known in your midst, though, I may say, an entire stranger to myselfI venture to dis close some characteristic trends and tendencies, as indicated by this phreno logical depression and development of the skull proper, as later we will show, through the mesmeric condition, the ac curacy of our mental diagnosis." Throughout the latter part of this speech my friend nudged me spasmod ically, whispering something which was jostled out of intelligent utterance by some inward spasm cf laughter. "In this head," said the professor, straddling his malleable fingers across the young man's bumpy brow"In this head we find ideality largeabnor mally large, in fact thurby indicat ingtaken In conjunction with a like development of the perceptive qualities language following, as well, in the prominent eyethurby indicating, I say, our subject as especially endowed with a love for the beautifulthe sub limethe elevatingthe refined and delicatethe lofty and superbin na ture, and in all the sublimated attri butes of the human heart and beatific soul. In fact, we find this young man possessed of such natural gifts as would befit him for the exalted career of the sculptor, the actor, the artist, or the poetany Ideal calling in fact, any calling but a practical, matter-of fact vocation though in poetry he would seem to best succeed." "Well," said my friend seriously, "he's feeling for the boy!" Then laughingly: "Hed rick has written some rhymes for the country papers, and Sweeney once in troduced him at an Old Settlers' meet ing as 'the best poet in Center Town- ship,' and never cracked a smile! Al ways after each other that way, but the best of friends in the world. Swee ney's strong suit is elocution. He has a native ability that way by no means otdinary, but even that gift ho abuses and distorts simply to pro duce grotesque, and oftentimes, ridicu lous effects. For instance, nothing more delights him than to 'loathfully' consent to answer a request at the Mite society, some evening, for 'an ap propriate selection,' and then, with an elaborate Introduction of the same, and nn exalted tribute to the refined genius of the author, proceed with a most gruesome rendition of 'Alonzo the Brave and the Fair Iraogene,' in a way to coagulate the blood and curl the hair of his fair listeners with ab ject terror. Pale as a corpse, you know, and with that cadaverous face, lit with those malignant-looking eyes, his slender figure, and his long, thin legs and arms and hands, and his whole diabolical talent and adroitness brought into playw hy, I want to say to you, it's enough to scare 'em to death! Never a smile from him, though, till he and Hedrick are safe out Into the night againthen, of course, they hug each other and howl over It like Modocs! But pardon I'm interrupting the lecture. Listen." "A lack of continuity, how ever," con tinued the professor, "and an undue love of approbation, would measurably, at least, tend to retard the young man's progress toward the consumma tion of any loftier ambition, I fear as we have intimated, if the sub ject were appropriately educated to the need's demand, he could doubtless produce a high order of both prose and poetryespecially the latterthough he could very illy bear being laughed at for his pains." "He's dead wrong there," said my friend "Hedrick enjojs being laughed at he's used to itgets fat on it!" "Is fond of his friends," continued the professor, "and the heartier they are the better might even be conviv ially inclinedif so temptedbut pru dentin a degree," loiteringly con cluded the speaker, as though unable to find the exact bump with which to bolster up the last named attribute. wtQij-i', rr^H "jfo1 'ivtf f|p?-^-'"yV'i'"' The subject blush a6 Tlvidlymy friend's right eyelid dropped, and there was a noticeable, though elusive sen sation throughout the audience. "But!" said the professor explo sively, "selecting a direct opposite sub ject, in conjunction with the study of the one before us (turning to the group at the rear of the stage and beckoning), we may find a newer In terest in the practical comparison of these subjects side by side." And the professor pushed a very pale young man into position. "Sweeney!" whispered my friend de lightedly "now look out!" "In this subject," said the professor, "we find the practical business head. Squarethough smalla trifle light at the base, in fact but well balanced at the important points at least thoughtful eyes wide-awakecrafty quickrestlessa policy eye, though not denoting languageunless, per haps, mere business forms and di rect statements." "Fooled again!" whispered my friend "and I'm afraid the old man will fail to nest out the fact also that Sweeney is the cold-bloodedest guyer on the face of the earth, and with more diabolical resources than a prosecuting attorney the professor ought to know this, too, by this time for these same two chaps have been visiting the old man in his room at the hotelthat's what I was trying to tell you a while ago. The old chap thinks he's 'playing' the boys, is my idea but it's the other way, or I lose my guess." "Now, under the mesmeric influence if the two subjects will consent to its administration," said the professor, after some further tedious preamble, "we may at once determine the fact of my assertions, as will be proved by their action while in this peculiar state." Here some apparent remon strance was met from both subjects, though amicably overcome by the pro fessor first manipulating the stolid brow and pallid front of the imper turbable Sweeneyafter which the same mysterious ordeal was loathfully submitted to by Hedrickthough a no ticeably longer time was consumed in securing his final loss of self-control. At last, however, this curious phe nomenon, was presented, and there be fore us stood the two swaying fig ures, the heads dropped back, the lift ed hands, with thumb and finger-tips pressed lightly together, the eyelids languid and half closed, and the fea tures, in appearance, wan and humid. "Now, sir!" said the professor, lead ing the limp Sweeney forward, and ad dressing him in a quick, sharp tone of voice. "Now, sir, you are a great con tractorown large factories and with untold business interests. Just look out there! (Pointing out across the expectant audience) look there, and see the countless minions toiling ser vilely at your dread mandates. And yetha! ha! See! see! They rec ognize the a\ariclous greed that would thus grind them In the very dust they see, alas! they see them selves, half-clothed, half-fed, that you may glut your coffers. Half-starved, they listen to the wall of wife and babe, and with eyes upraised in prayer, they see you rolling by in gild ed coach, and swathed in silk attire. Butha! again! Looklook' they are rising in revolt against you! Speak to them before too late! Appeal to themquell them with the promise of the just advance of wages they de mand The limp figure of Sweeney took on something of a stately and majestic air. With a graceful and command ing gesture of the hand, he advanced a step or two then, after a pause of some seconds' duration, in which the lifted face grew pale, as it seemed, and the eyes a denser black, he said: "But yesterday I looked away Tjrigjy THE TOMAHAWK, WHITE EARTH. MfNI\L O'er happy lands, where sunshine lay In golden blots, Inlaid with spots Of shade and wild forget-me-nots." The voice was low, but clear, and even musical. The professor started at the strange utterance, looked ex tremely confused, and as the boister ous crowd cried "Hear, hear!" he mo tioned the subject to continue, with some gasping comment interjected, which, if audible, would have run thus: "My God! It's an inspirational poem!" "My head was fair With flaxen hair" resumed the subject. "Yoop-ee!" yelled an irreverent au ditor. "Silence! silence!" commanded the excited professor in a hoarse whisper then, turning enthusias tically to the subject: "Go on, young man! Go on! 'Thy head was fair with flaxen hair*" "My head was fair With flaxen hair, And fragrant breezes, faint and rare, And, warm with drought From out the south, Blew all my curls across my mouth." The speaker's voice, exquisitely modulated, yet resonant as the twang of a harp, now seemed of itself to draw and hold each listener while a certain extravagance of gesticulation a fantastic movement of both form and featureseemed very near akin to fascination. And so flowed on the curious utterance: "And, cool and sweet, My naked feet Found dewy pathways through the wheat And out again Where, down the lane, The dust was dimpled with the rain." In the pause following there was a breathless, almost painful silence. The poem went on: "But yesterday I heard the lay Of summer birds, when I, as they With breast and wing, All quivering With life and love, could only sing. "PHRENOLOGY," SAID THE LITTLE, OLD, BALD-HEADED LECTURER AND MESMERIST. "My head was leant Where, with it, blent A maiden's, o'er her instrument While all the night, From vale to height, Was filled with echoes of delight "And all our dreams Were lit with gleams Of that lost land of reedy streams, Along whose brim Forever swim Pan's lilies, laughing up at him." And still the inspired singer held rapt sway. "It is wonderful!" I whispered, un der my breath. "Of course it is'" answered my friend. "But listen there is more:" "But yesterday! O blooms of May, And summer roseswhere away? O stars above And lips of love, And all the honeyed sweets thereof! "O lad and lass, And orchard pass, And briered lane, and daisied grass! O gleam and gloom, And woodland bloom. And breezy breaths of all perfume! "No more for me Or mine shall be Thy rapturessave In memory No moreno more Till through the door Of glory gleam the days of yore." This was the evident conclusion of the remarkable utterance, and the pro fessor was impetuously fluttering his hands about the subject's upwnrd starir eyes, stroking his temples, and snapping his fingers in his face. "Well," saiJ Sweei-ey, as he stood sudderJy awakened, anJ grinning in ^rrr^rr an idiotic way, "how did the old thing work?" And rt was in the conse quent hilarity and loud and long ap plause, perhaps, that the professor was relieved from the explanation of this rather astounding phenomenon of the idealistic workings of a purely practical brainor, as my impious friend scoffed the incongruity later, in a particularly withering allusion, as the "blank-blanked fallacy, don't you know, of staying the hunger of a howl ing mob by feeding 'em on spring po- etry!" The tumult of the audience did not cease even with the retirement of Sweeney, and cries of "Hedrick! Hed- rick,!" only subsided with the profes sor's high-keyed announcement that the subject was even then endeavor ing to make himself heard, but could not until utter quiet was restored, add ing the further appeal that the young man had already been a long time un der the mesmeric spell, and ought not be so detained for an unnecessary pe riod. "See," he concluded, with an assuring wave of the hand toward the subject, "see, he is about to address you. Now, quietutter quiet, if you please!" "Great heavens!" exclaimed my friend stiflingly "just look at the boy! Get on to the position for a poet! Even Sweeney had fled from the sight of him!" And truly, too, it was a grotesque pose the young man had assumed not wholly ridiculous, either, since the dwarfed position he had settled into seemed more a genuine physical condi tion than an affected one. The head back-tilted, and sunk between the shoulders, looked abnormally large, while the features of the face ap peared peculiarly childlikeespecially the eyeswakeful and wide apart, and very bright, yet very mild and very artless and the drawn and cramped outline of the legs and feet, and of the arms and hands, even to the shrunken, slender-looking fingers, all combined to convey most striking ly to the pained senses the fragile frame and pixy figure of some pitiable afflicted child, unconscious altogether of the pathos of its own deformity. "Now, mark the cuss, Horatio!" gasped my friend. At first the speakers voice came very low, and somewhat piping, too, and brokenan eery sort of voice it was, of brittle and erratic timbre un dulant inflection. Yet it was beauti ful. It had the ring of childhood in it, though the ring was not pure golden, and at times fell echoless. The spirit of its utterance was always clear and pure and crisp and cheery as the twitter of a bird, and yet forever ran an undercadence through it like a low pleading prayer. Half garrulously, and like a shallow brook might brawl across a shelvy bottom, the rhythmic little changeling thus began: "I'm thist a little crippled boy, an* never goin' to grow An' git a great big man at all!'cause aunty told me so. When I was thist a baby onc't I failed out of the bed An' got 'the curv'ture of the spine* 'at's what the doctor said. I never had no mother nenfer my pa runned away An' dassn't come back here no more 'cause he was drunk one day An* stobbed a man in thish-ere town, an' couldn't pay his fine! An* nen my ma she diedan' I got 'curv'ture of the spine!'" A few titterings from the younger people in the audience marked the opening stanza, while a certain rest lessness, a changing to more attentive positions seemed the general tendency. The old professor in the meanwhile had sunk into one of the empty chairs. The speaker went on with more gayety: "I'm nine years old! An' you can't guess how much I weigh, I bet! Last birthday I weighed thirty-three An' I weigh thirty yet! I'm awful little fer my sizeI'm purt* nigh littler 'an Some babies is!an' neighbors all calls me 'The Little Man!' An' Doc one time he laughed an' said: 'I 'spect, first think you know, You'll have a little spike-tailed coat an' travel with a show!' An' nen I laughedtill I looked round an' Aunty was a-cryin' Sometimes she acts like that, 'cause I got 'curv'ture of the spine!'" Just in front of me a great broad shouldered countryman, with a rainy smell in his cumbrous overcoat, cleared his throat vehemently, looked startled at the sound, and again settled for ward, his weedy chin resting on the knuckles of his hands as they tightly clutched the seat before him. And it was like being taken into a child ish confidence as the quaint speech continued: "I setwhile Aunty's washin'on my little long-leg stool, An* watch the little boys an* girls a-sklppin* by to school An' I peck on the winder, an' holler out an' say: Who wants to fight the Little Man 'at dares you all today?' An* nen the boys climbs on the fence, an' little girls peeks through, An' they all says: "Cause you're so big you think we're 'feared o' you!' An' nen they yell, an' shake their fists at me, like I shake mine They're thist in fun, you know, 'cause I got 'curv'ture of the spine!'" "Well." whispered my friend, with rather odd irreverence, I thought, "of course you see through the scheme of the fellows by this time, don't you?" "I see nothing," said I, most earnest Iv, "but a poor little wisp of a child that makes me love him so I dare not think of his dying soon, as he surely mustl There listen!" And the plaintive gaiety or the homely poem ran on: "At evening, when the ironin's done, an' aunty's fixed the fire. An' filled an' lit the lamp, an' trimmed the wick an' turned it higher, An* fetched the wood all in fer night, an' locked the kitchen door. An' stuffed the ole crack where the wind blows in up through the floor She sets the kettle on the coals, an' biles an' makes the tea, An* fries the liver an' the mush, an* cooks a egg fer me An' sometimeswhen I cough so hard her elderberry wine Don't go so bad fer little boys with curv'ture of the spine' I" "Look!" whispered my friend, touch ing me with his elbow. "Look at the professor!" "Look at everybody!" said I. And the artless little voice went on again half quaveringly. "But aunty's all so cliildishlike on my account, you see, I'm 'most afeared she'll be took down an' 'at's what bothers me! 'Cause ef my good ole aunty ever would git sick an' die, I don't know what she'd do in heaven till I come, by an' by: Fer she's so ust to all my ways, an' ever'thing, you know, An' no one there like me, to nurse an' worry over so! 'Cause all the little childrens there's so straight an' strong an' fine, They's nary angel 'bout the place with 'curv'ture of the spine'!" The old professor's face was in his handkerchief so was my friend's iu his and so was mine in mine, as even now my pen drops and I reach for it again. I half regret joining the mad partj that had gathered an hour later in the old law office where these two grace less characters held almost nightlj revel, the instigators and connivini hosts of a reputed banquet whose menu's range confined itself to her rings, or "blind robins," dried beef, and cheese, with crackers, gingerbread, and sometimes pie the whole washed down with anything but "Wines that heaven knows when Had sucked the fire of some forgotten sun, And kept it through a hundred years ol gloom Still glowing in a heart of ruby." But the affair was memorable. The old professor was himself lured Into if and loudest in his praise of Hedrick'* realistic art and I yet recall him al the orgie's height, excitedly repulsing the continued slurs and insinuations dl the clammy-handed Sweeney, who still contending against the old man'a fulsome praise of his more fortunate rival, at last openly declared that Hed rick was not a poet, not a genius, and in no way worthy to be classed in the same breath with himself"the gifted but unfortunate Sweeney, sirthe un acknowledged author, sir *y gad, sir of the two poems that held you spell bound tonight!" WHY PAY CUSTOMS DUTIES? One Way by Which They Can B Evaded, at Least Along the Rio Grande River. There are ways of evading dut3 down on the Rio Grande impossible tc the port of New York. The Mexicai found a way. He was a merchant just on the other side of the Mexican bor der. He had two vases which had caught the fancy of an American cus tomer, but they were dear, and with the duty addednot to be thought of The customer told the Mexican so The Mexican fell five dollars. But the price was still too dear. The Mexican fell again. But still there was the duty staring the customer in the face Then, suddenly, without explaining how, the Mexican guaranteed that the vases should be delivered, free of duty, on the other side of the Rla Grandenext morning at breakfast time. "And," the Mexican added, in a characteristic manner, "I will be there to collect." At breakfast next morning, as the customer was eating leisurely, the Mexican appeared. "Where are the vases?" the cus tomer inquired. "In the next room, senor," replied the Mexican, smiling blandly. "And the duty?" "There is no duty, senor." "How in thunder did you manage it?" asked the American, amazed. "I paid a greaser a dollar, senor. With the vases strapped to his back, he swam the Rio Grande. See, senor" hurrying to bring in a vase from the next room, and touching it gently with his fingers"they are wholeper fect" Signal of Distress. His waistcoat was wonderful. His tie was tremendous. His socks were positively superhu man. In order to display which his trou sers were tucked up to a ludicrous height. An urchin plucked him by the sleeve. "Lost someby, guv'nor?" queried the youth sympathetically. The swell swelled with indignation. "Of course not, fellow!" he respond ed contemptuously, proceeding on his way. "Cat or dog dead, guv'nor?" queried the youngster, following. "Bai Jove!" snapped the "nob," dis tinctly annoyed. "Why do you ask such stoopid questions?" "Why, guv'nor," called the mrchin. "cos I see yer got yer trovers at 'art- mast**