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4' I L- 4 WIT AND HUMOR &** As red as the rose was my lore last night Yea, red a* arose was she Itut to-cfay my kne'aae pnle and white AH the blooms or the apple tree Poor thin*! she l paling ror me, 1 think Hut the wicked neighbor* say Her mother stole In. a olio my love was asleep, And stole her pink saucer away. The new French rifle will carrj over two miles, and the bullet will travel nearly as fat ao a scandal. "Pa," said a little fellow to his un shaven father, ")om chin looks like the wheel Sn the musical box." "With this bonnet the mouth is worn slightly open," is the wording of a si#n in the wiudon of a Paris modiste Mrs. Lfllie I)evereau\ Blake asks, "Is_ it a crime to be a woman*'" It certain- 1\ is when theie is a great necessity for lressin in a hurrj When onng Podgkms was embraced by Miss' Arlington, he said that he hadn't thought he should e^erbo locked a padded "hell A Chicago new paper man has been eanght forging railroad pa-*es This is an unusual ease though. Generally, Chicago newspapet men are too sharp to be caught.Boston Poti. "Room at the Top" Three dollars a week, one towel a da\, no weather strips, steaLyour soap Oh, ACS, son-vard n\, we know all about that "Room at the Top."Pick There is nothing new tinder the sun. Solomon anticipated the modern lamb in Wall street when he described the fool going to the correction of the stocks.Life. Several of our exchanges arc devot iug considerable space to the import ance of "cookiug girls." It's no use. Wc donH want them cooked. The raw damsel is good enough for us Hart ford Timet. In Boston thev are so cultured that when a theatre is full down stairs and the only vacant space is in the gallery, the managers hang out a placard, on which is printed. Apotheosis*onlj," by which is meant that visitois can still be placed among the gods. There is good fellowship among the newspapers of Oil City. The Morning Derrick,, being washed out by the flood, the Evening Bhzza/d ottered its facili ties to its contemporary, While the Latest Gusher and the Bull Bear Bugle ottered to back 100,000 barrels "long" for the benefit of the unfortunate. "I think," said a fond parent, "that little Jimmy is going to be a poet when he grows up. He doesn't eat, and he its all day by the lire and thinks, and thinks." "You had better grease him all over," said Aunt Jerusha. "He's going to have the measles. That's what ails Jimmy." A seven-j) ear-older, with the punster'8 mark on his brow, at dinner asked hi mother what was in a tar on the table. "Pickles, my son," was the reply. "Then, mamma, please pickle little one out for me," came with stunning force from the child, and the mother fell over chair and fainted. "Minister," said an old woman in the North of Scotland, "I'm going away fast, and I'll soon be in Judas' bosom "Hoots, toots, Janet, "said the minister, "je mean Abtaham's bosom." "Ah, minister, if ye had been as long a single woman as I've been, wouldn't be particular whos' bosom'it was Serjeant Ballantinc on one occasion had a lady client named Tickle Mr. Ballantinc said to the Judge, "Tickle, my client, mv lord"Here he was in terrupted bj the Judge, saving, "Tickle her yourself, my learned brother." B.tl lantine, who is a great wit, looked glum tor a whole da\. Miss Miller, or Ferris, Texas, chloro formed her father's dogs and eloped with the young man whom her father had forbidden the premises. The prob abilities arc that about a \ca^hence she wf11 conclude that her life would ha\e been le^s miserable if she had ehloro tormed the \onng man nnd eloped with her father's*dogs. "What d'je leave that door wide open for0" exclaimed the gentleman in the oflice to the intruding peddler. "OJ thought, SUIT," was the quick reply, "that moight want to kick me do.vn stain*, and Oi wanted to make it con venient for yj surr." The gentleman as so taken aback that he bought two apples for 5 cents, passing off a had ]iar(e in the transaction. Arthur Crayon* Miss Rosebud, I have brought ou a little picture whieh 1 painted especially for you. It has proved a vcrv pleasant task during the month that I have worked on it Pinky Rosebud: Oh, thanks, Mr. Crajon, \ou are very kind, but I'm afraid that I must return the frame, as mother ne\er allows me to accept presents of any alue from gentlemen. Bumbleton gave forth his first conun drum the other day. He was at a con cert, and took one of the best (vacant) seats. The usher came to him and gent led him to a bench in the rear. Then he asked Jones, "Whv am I like an old paid bill?" and Jones replied, "Because you're no account." Bumbleton want ed to saj something about being re seated. "In Mr. Bobert Buchanan's new play the hero snow balls his rival to death/' It is a very cold da for a rival when he gets left in such a cool and fatal manner. Tbe villain of the play should have his skull split open by a boy on a clipper knocking his legs from under him. Any other superfluous characters in the cast might be made to skate through an air-hole Nornstown Her ald. Toto is crying verv hard. "What is the matter0" asked one of ber father's friends. "I have lost two cents that mamma gave me." "That is not a dif ficult loss to repair," replied the friend "here are two cents." An instant after ward Toto is crying harder than ever. "What are you still crying foi?" asked the gentleman. "I am crying," said the artful baby, "because if I had not lost tw'o cents I should now have four." Pttris Paper. &* uv. How can I leave jon, m\ darling0" murmured a Toledo' lover in tones of distressing tenderness, as he observed both hands of the clock approach a per pendicular on the dial. "Well, John," io-.ponded the girl with wicked inno cence, "von can take jonr choice. If on go through the hall you will, be li able to wake up father, and if jou leave by way of the back shed you'll* be likely to wake up the dog." Two little girls mot on the street the other day, and one said to the other: "I've put all my dolls into deep mourn ing, and it's so becoming to them. Come over and see them." "What did on do that for0" "Oh. we had a c'lo- mity. Our old dog got killed, and there didn't anv body care but me anrd them,. We've just cried our eves ont. The the other little girl said in slow, deliber ate tones: "May Wilson, ain't you lucky, though! There always some thing happening to jou." Too profane for the lad. An elder of the kirk having found a little boy and his sister playing marbles on Sunday, put his reproof in this formnot a ju dicious one for a child "Boy. do you know where children go to who play marbles on the Sabbath day?" "Ay/* says the boy, they gang down to the Held by the wate below the brig.'* "No!" roared out the elder, "they go to hell and are burned." The little fellow, really shocked, culled to his sistef: American Fables. One day two Foves who were journey ing together came across a Track in the dust whieh much astonished them. "I believe it is the Track of a Rhinoc- eros," observed one. "I think it is that of an Klcphant," replied the other. rviwmgM? "I saj Rhinoceros!" C^pl "And I say Elephant!" ill "Then I travel no longer with sucK an Idiot!" "Then von can travel alone with a Fool!"^:, Ther were cuffing each oilier about in a lively manner, when along came a Wolf and asked the cause of the trouble "Whv that Bigot sticks to it that this is not the track of a Rhinoceros'" shouted one. "And he, the Narrow-minded Mul doon, won't admit that it is the Track of an Elephant," added the other. "Gentlemen," said the Wolf as he ex amined the spot, 1th is is simplv the glace where a fat man struck a Banana eel and sat down to Reflect. Ymi^are both wrong and both Fools .MOltAL. Men are ever willing to tight in de tense of what the} don't know. THE HEN AX1 THE FARMEIC.1"^ A Hen having laid an Egg set uplmeh Cackle t'tat presently the whole Barn was in confusion and the Farmer came running out to see what was going on. "What is it?" he demanded as the Hen cackled louder than ever "Why, I've laid an Egg!" "An Egg? Why, a single egg isn't worth but two cents at the present market price." "Yes, I know, but if I didn't do two shillings' worth of cackling over eveiy two cents' worth of egg, the world would soon forget me." 0 MORAL' Send a bundle of old clothes to an orphan asvlum and then interview a reporter. THE MAN WITH THE ACCORDION. A Peasant having saved up a sum of money by hard wotk and peeling his Potatoes close, went to the nearest Vil lage and invested in an Accordion On his way home he began plav ing the air of "My Grandfather's Clock," but scarcely had the echoes reached the Forest when out came a Chopper, who cried out- "Man! Man! for Heaven's sake hang up on that! You will kill us with your Racket!" "Can't help that," replied the Peasant as he pulled away harder than ever "If what tickles me all over is Death to you that is not my lookout. I wiU now give you -The Empty Cradle.' with va riations." MORA L: & If our neighbor doesn want oar smoke let him move away. A Very Beckleu Woman. "I want to know if there is any law in this country for poor folks?" began a woman, as she stopped a policeman on Michigan avenue jesterdaj. "There ought to le 1 suppose," he replied in a doubting waj "What is joupcase?" "Well, the other night I was go.ng home, and in tiont of a vacant lot ou li ed bv a rich man, I fell down and al most killed mv wit I want to make him pa damages, but all mv neighbors sav that I can't do it Isu then a stim gent law about itc on the sidewalksJ "Yes'ni. In case vou aie a poor man you must clean it off. In case jou .no lich vou can wait for a thaw "But would von begin suit0" "I'll leave that to jou In the first place the defendmt will claim that vou weic (hunk when vou tell Mv stats' but I never touch adiop'" 4 No matter, then he will claim that ne hires a man bv the jenr to keep the walk cleat." "Yes, but it wasn't cleir 'Of course not, but he II prove that the man died suddenly and he didu know it Have vou a weak ankh "Mere), no' "Well," he 11 prove that vou have, oi \on wouldn have talkn Vnd then, does he own the lot0 "Whv, I suppose so "Youi supposing o i) he all rong Begin a sun and vou mav find that his wife has a deed. Sue"the wife, and oifl hud she has gone to Florida to spend the wintei, letv ing the care of the lot to a man vvno was. called to Chicago to see his brother die just at the time he should have been salting that side- walk." "Then I have no reined\ "It is a doubtful one So one cvn saw you fall The jurv would only have vourwoid tor it, and the plaintiff might even prove that )ou were a chronic liar." "Dear, dear me!" she gasped as she picked up her basket, "what a lucky thing for me that I met vou' I shall look upon this as one of the most mirac ulous escapes of my whole life Stars and garters! but how coul! I have ever been so foolish as to think of a law suit!"Detroit Free Pics*. A Humbugging Monkey. The anthropoid apes are a somewhat taciturn race, but a chimpanzee's mur mur of affection is, very expressive, and quite different from his grunt of discon tent. A sick orang-outang sheds tears, moans piteousl), or cries fixe a^ pettish child but such s) mptoms are rather de ceptive, for the orang, as well asf the chimpanzee, is a great mimic, not of men only, but of passions and patholog ical conditions Tw years ago I took temporary charge of a young chimpan zee who was awaiting shipment to the Pacific coast. His former landlord seemed to have indulged him in a pen chant for rummaging boxes and coffers, for whenever I attempted to circum scribe the limits of that pastime mv boarder tried to bring down the house, metaphorically and Titerall), by throw ing himself upon the floor and tugging violently at the curtains and'bell-ropes. If that failed to soften my heart, Pansy became sick. With groans and sobs he would lie down in a corner, preparing to shed the mottal coil, and adjusting the pathos of the closing scene to the degree of mv obstin.ic). One da\ he had set his heart upon exploring* the letter department of my chest of draw ers, and, after driving him off several times, I locked the door and pocketed the key. Pans) did not suspect the full meaning of mv act till he had polled at the knobs ana squinted through the key-hole, but, when he realized the truth, life ceased to be worth living: he collapsed at once, and had hardly Strength enough left to drag himself to the stove. There he lay, bemoaning his untimely fate, and stretching his legs as if the rigor mortts had alretod) over come his lower extremities. Ten min utes later his supper was brought in, and I directed the boy to leave the bas ket behind the stove, in full sight of my guest. But PansY's eyes assumed a far-off expression earth had lost its charm the inhumanit) of man to man had made him siek of this vale of tears. Meaning to tr) him, I accompanied the boy to the staircase, and the victim of my cruelty gave me a parting look of1 Intense reproach as I left the room. But, stealing back on tiptoe, we man aged Xo come upon him unawares, and Pansy looked rather sheepish when we caught him in the act of enjoying an excellent meal.Dr.Oswald, in Popular Science Monthly for March. A Bare Opening. The other day, a man who had prob ably seen better days, entered the office of a capitalist on New Street, and de sired a private interview with the pro prietor. When they were closeted to gether, he stated that he was the author of a drama, entitled: "Three Days in a Swamp,\* and he was about organizing a company to take the road and ploy the country towns in the spring. He wanted someone to advance him 2,'5O0 and take a half-interest in the profits, which would be at least $8,000. "Excuse me, but I do not care to go into such a speculation," -observed the capitalist. "You can act as treasurer, and handle all the funds." "Yes, but I can't leave here." "Yon can send your son or a Mend." "No I cannot go into it." ^al "I'll advertise your name on. the "I'll sav two-thirds of the profits "No." vHie author walked up and down a moment, while contending vv ith a great mental struggle, and then he made a last appeal, sav ing. "Of course, the paitof theheiowas reserved for myself, but if you'll go in with me you can pla) Sligo* the Swamp Cat, and I'll be satisfied with second old man it's hard to corner me this way, but I'll ha"\eto bend to eitcum stances "Wall blrect Daily News. gone upforthe third act when Smith, who had been out "to see a man," no ticed Brown seated a few rows in front of him. ^Do you see that fellow over there he said to his wife. She nodded assent. "Well," he continued, "I hate that fellow like a cat hates hot sou}), and if I ever get a chance I'll 'paralyze' him." Then his wife asked "Are )o going out to see another man at the close of this act3" Smith hiccoughingly- allowed that he was "Well, I tell you what to do deal, when you come back fimover to Mi Biown and breathe on that will'paia.lvre him."Rochr ester Pott-Eipren The Scotch Duke of Athole is probab ly the most extensive tiee planter the world During his life the Duke has planted 27,000,000 sprouts, covering 15,000aens of his piivate estate.^ MZ. LYOI. E. riHKHHI, OF LYNN, Mil, eai/6~\ LYDIA E. PINKHAM'S VEGETABLE COMPOUND.' IB a Positive Cnre Tor all tNiwePataftil Complaints A WfeneM ocomoMm tooHrfccMfemale population. It TTUI cure entirely the worst form of Female Co plaints all ovarian troubles, Inflammation and UKeia tion, Falllnjr and Displacements, and tbe consequent Spinal Weakness, and Is particularly adapted to the Change of IJfe. It will dissolve and expel tumors from tbe uterus In an eaily stage of development Tlie tendency to can ctrotiH humors there Ischecked very speedily by Its use It lemovesfalntneis, flatulency, destroys ail craving for stimulants, and relieves weakness of the etomncli It cures Bloating, Uendnchea, Nervous Prostration Oencrnl nabUlty, Sleeplessness, Depression and Inrll gettlon. That feeling of bearing down, causing pain, weight and Imekaclic, la always permanently cured by Its us It will at all times and under all circumstances act In iarmon with the law* that govern the female system i or the cure of Kidney Complaints of either sex this Compound Is unsurpassed. LYB1A E FIXKIIAM'S TEOETABI.E COM POUND*Is prepared at S33 and S35 Western Avenue. Lyon, Mass. Price $1. Six bottlesforts Sent by mail In the form of pills, also In the form of loscnges, on receipt of price, $1 per box for either. Mrs. Pinkhaat freely answers all letters of Inqury. Send for pampk* let. Address as abovo. Mention tk(* ftaosr Mo family should be -i.no'iU."THA R. PIKKBAKt LIVER PIIXS Ihey Cu contpation billo r-* torpidity of the 11vet 25 cent *i.rbo fr 8oll by all Drug&itiia. *V KIDNE'VipSSaDiRfl! IS A SURE CURE for 9II diaMaV of the Kidneys and LIVER It hasspeciflo actionon this most Important organ, enabling it to throw off torpidity and inaction, stimulating the healthy secretion of the BHe, and by keeping the bowels in free condition, effecting its regular discharge. AasAlASiin IfyouaresufleTingfroni HialCaTlCIa malaria,have the chills, arebilious,dyspeptic,orconstipated, Kidney- WortwUl surely relieve and quiokly cure, i a the Spring tocleanse the System, every one should take thoroughcourseof it. 41- SOLD BY DRUGGISTS. Prlcotl. KIDNEY-WOR 0KW|fe BROWN'S IRON BITTERS aro a certain core for all diseases requiring a complete tonic: espe dally Indigestion, Dyspepsia, Inter* mittent Fevers, Want of Appetite* IJOSB of Strength, lack of Energy, etc Enriches the bloo6\ strength* ens tho mnsolest and gives new life to the nerves. Aota^Uke T. charm on tthe digestive organs, renioTing a dyspeptic symptoms such as tasting the food, Belching Heat in the Stomach, Heartburn tc Th only Iron Preparation that will not blacken the teeth or give headache. Sold by all Drug gits at $1.00 a bottle, BROWN CHEMICAL CO. Baltimore, Md. See last all Itea Bitters sr ssade by SHOWS CHIMICII So and have srsssad red lints and trad* nark oiMrrapptr SIMARK tjr IMITAT .NS Lumbago. Backache. Headline Toothache, Store Tlti*eat.*iwe CHBCACO And all point3 in Northorn minum, Cen tral, Eastern and Northwestern Iowa, Wisconsin, Northern Michigan, Minne sota, Iinhnin, Minitoba, Central and Northern Atbratska, Colorado, Wyom ing, Utah, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, California, Qreijon, Washington Terri tory, Hrtilth. Columbia, China. Japan, the Sandwich Islands, Auntralia, New Zealand, and all principal points the NORTH, NORTHWEST and WEST. With its own lines it traverses North ern ILLINOIS, Central and Northern iqw\, WISCONSIN, Northern MICHI- GAN, MINNESOTA, and Central HMjtt- A. it offers to the traveler all accom modations that can be offered by any railroad. Its train service equals that of any road their speed Is as great as comfort and safety will permit they make close connections in union depots at junction and terminal points with the leading railroads of the Wept and Northwest, and offer to those that use them SPEED, COMFORT AND SAFETY At CHICAGO it makes close connec tion with all other railroads at that city It runs PALACIS SMOKPING CARS on all through trains, PARL OR \Kr on its principal routes, and NORTH-WESTERN TONTKO CARS on its COUNCIL BLUFFS and on its ST. PAUL and MINNEAPOLIS through day express trains. If you wish the Best Traveling Accom modations you will buv your Tickets by this route AND WILL TAKE NONE For rates for single or round trip tickets and for full Information in re gard to all parts of the West North and Northwest, write to General Passenger Agent, at Chicago, 111 All Coupon Ticket Agents sell Tickets by this Line J. D. LAYNG, MARVIN HUGHITT, Geit.Hiipt. 21\ict I'us and Gen Manager W. H. STENNETT, Gca Pas* Afjt, CMcegoM !.ft MEAP0LIS&ST.LGUiS Sn "FAMOUS ALBERT LEA ROUTE." Die above Is a correct man of the tlaV ?i ALBERT LEA ROUTE,fe end Its immediate connections Through Trains ('ml f-m ST. PAUL AND MINNEAPOLIS TC CHICAGO. v\ tl out change, connecting with all lines EAST and SOUTHEAST The only I'nc running Through Cars between 1 MINNEAPOLIS and DES MOINES, loua. tl Tl rough Trains bet ecp MINNEAPOLIS AND ST. LOUIS, onner Ing in Union Depot for all Points Sonfi n-d in wcs Close contractions made with St I*, & nnd St A Dnlnth Katlrosids, from and to al )i it( rt and NortkWest CKIIKaiBRK! PDLI.HA PAIA CP SiEirtsr *v- on nil night Trains Hi rough Tii fceis mid ba i keU to letlnnio For time tblr ate oi i Cj tt. tall upon ne irest Tu kct Agent, or add r.s* %'tl S. BOTIs. ClaVl Tat. a Pass. Ag', VloneapoUf. Absa3ytciy Pure. N EW UkM ^EDl^E^DAY, A.PFIIL. 11, J883 GERMA N SkMEUf THE GREAT AN REI URES,. Rheumatism,C Neuralgia, Sciatica, lliitK.c RuritM KrwIeK. rel Biiea. AMI AIL OT.lKll IttHKIl PtOS AMI A*HK Jtdtoj Druggist* nl l*en INK rrwhere Kla "iu bttB Dlr-cli niull I in,ini."i THE Cll VKI A. Ot,r hfc CO thCMiur* io A oohl Kit iv BiUetitr .Mtl., 9 A Chicago&North-Western Bailw iv is the OLD ESTABLISHED SHORT LINE And the Itls the Great Thorougnfai irom and to 1 1*i-poWvl i ue\ci vane* A ln^rveTof nr rtn.ht aid whohmane- Mora, econonita ban the or li.Mry ttuis uid moot hi sold fU inipeiHion with the multitude of low test, *hoi weight alum oi iho*i*iiit iiowJti* SA\ on}yis in Cans. ROWAL Hakwa PowwEnTo 106 W_ slr., N ,le '5, uPHDLsratiii j* n*"' of IT** cla btriof fnrn tn-ea*1?!"5 in "'fy ntjrtjr&cfrjr*. TtJTTnwii*, 14 nr*mrrle*. mntbre^mlmM, Ktr. ,&.* AMklnils of nphoNttre'l fitrnHnre nentlvrep urow A LAROS STOCK O* I PHOLSTERKD (loons AlJf ri'BNirr arwAva K"PT O t.M Wm Or If ra iv nuil pi-omptly attitffjflfd to, 453 WacoutaUr, Eight. St. ST PAU *%ZZZ1 P-t CheapestBiblesBtrrafatafti ni*u^Mi^ntnw tan*. a&TtrslsMa^TsrfasMaianpMlMifaJMi ^JcijrH *chs.i*i *i*}\4Ual# TTieLeading t*rnt#' Furnishing Hous of the Tforthwent. '1S5 BUS*THIKU S ST. PAUL. (old stand) Bmtftu Primer*. Men's Furnishers and Shirt makers IN,Vfc.M10.N& 1 IKHUl BKLA Kl'Jfccr*-! may still, In most) ats be patented bj us. Beitu oppoaiUthe S itent Othce, nnd engHged li PATENT BlTSlNrfs cure pitetttin lec D*TKNT know that thisis the shot and quick Line to 'ill points in Centeai and Western Missouri to all pointi tn ICinsrfs, Ncbitk Colorido Tex is, California, Aiizona New ami Old Mexico, and that this is the 0lj/ Lint betwef* Mltntsola mtcd the Somth Wert, 211HOVGU 7 GREAT CITIES ZJ of the popTumsnssTiuitwney, narnel '0n Viotsz. City, Cita icil Jt/ it* d^ THROUGH TICKETS 1 tbrSotdlers.msows Parent* Sad Children Any disease. weuad orinjuryentittes. Mil- PENSIONS w^.^.w^'lloasappfoBfisteilsadw^ taCtecedsaMad. FiBiiitsks*aadI^esB^MppyFe "due*l, wU p^-|iSn|-S- COLLARS Mh% BRIDLES, BLANKET^, ROBES & ,.*-t- J.VH1PS. *zL~ TRUNKS. m^^ VALISES, M^*"?* Repairing Don Promptly & Cheap. Mi M.ii'rrSTT"SFoeW EVe.Minfi'. $8 -as^wisw^^s^i wc cfn se timetb-iu those mh oar re mctc Horn nhir. t and who mt ttlepei A np on the miiMn all insnctions with the Pnt*ni Oflice WnenInvbfitor*.' modeler sketch we tke search in the Patei iflice and \X\ he sstoil pa teutsib litj FREFOIM HAROE Coi re&pondeiiceeon Udeitii:l,price lo and 3*0 CHAKGL KM.ES- 15 OBTAr tD Wo rpfei to Hon. ftmastcrGenernlD Key ev. I- Powder, I oftlcntein theU. S P. te^it Offiie, nnd especially taoci clientsncciu) Qr sin e\cfy Stntc the Unio sml iu .nad Fo refere ces.terms.a'hice,* Addp M^^ C. A "Snow & Co.. IrtSffi^tg vJppooite PJ*. ntofti$,o. \V axh -*rJ 3 kl3ff^ PEOPLE WHO LIVE Bje the line ot and near to the oldsr PAUI. a SIOUX CITY RAILROAD and its Tanou^^i Branch Lines, now a paitof the i\ J**tph .lehinH tavern f4%^# ,curtjt\a FnutiiCtlff Th St Pint fcSiotix C'tyHiilrosd,now knowii us the Wetter* MtieMmm of the Chicago, St Paul Mmue ipohs Om.m^ Line, is al the "/i nnd MUteet i,l*e from Ce itial ifl'l Wstei Miti nexota Wesvfn-i. law i, O tiioU Nebraska and tl SoutluW^Ht to ST. PAUL, MINNEAPOLIS and the entue North and North-Wet, and to the Lumbci Districts oi Northern WISCOUHUI. Jtl hi !*/connection* are made with *li JBmtern ItivUivu of the Chicago, St Paul, Min nenpolis kOmnVn line, foi Noithern and C tral v* isnousin, and or Chicago aiiH all dnts tia"t and the running of tl ains i-s so in anged that t seugeis tiom the Wss^eM) Division of tin lilb 4ii have tiomoiieto one and one half houis tee 'end to buinetsiuSt Paul if desired Whem yomf* So ith or South \V"stbesur to over this Line through the itven Bigr Uitie and when you go north, eat or northwest, go through St mm I the Ureat Kmttromd tt the greatNorth west Two pnsenger ti tins daily, St. Paul to Cliicag through tlroy and Madison, with rallra in Palac Sleeping Cars oi ench ..rain er this route are on swlent all piiacipal stations Be an rs and buy a through ticket as Ihey are gen erally cheapei. but if yon cannot get the tickets you dosjreor the ifcrmition wanted abont rates connections, Ac at your home st'.tion, write to the undersigned, and your lettei will receive prompi, attention.", W TEASDALE, CLARKE General Agent, Gen. Traffic MinagtiKl?* St JPaul Minn luIBSllJ. CDTE 7 WHOLESALE Druggists, ST. PAUL, MINN JULIUSID.-LEVI 8u(iC83Sjr ti h\\ C. Zieske. M.ti ufrictm ei ard al 1 ID HARNESSES, SADDLEb,^*,P^ r* DIAMOND s^*^ 1 CATARRH-" REMEDY, iaf* A Poaltlvu Cure for Catarrh of all kinds, it ts Instantaneous in Kflfect and Permanent In Result. Cures at any htagtt or the disease. lias cared cases so terrible that bones cawe from the nose. Dr. Evori'e Diamond Catarrh Rem edy Ismildand pleasant, aflording immediate Rellerand promptcore in all casesot Catarrh, Influenzas Hay Fever, Bronchitis. It will leinove Polypus and effectually core Watery and Purulent Discharges fiom the Bead and Throat, and FcetltL Sickening Breath per fectly lestore impaired Smell, Taste and Hearing relieve Headache, Break np Colds In the Head {strengthen the Voice and Eyss Purify, Hegniatc and Render Clear and Active every Organ of tbe Head and Throat Price, 60 cents. DIAMOND 2 INVIO-OIIA.TOR. Dr. Every*** Diamond IuTlsorator is a ferrect Blood Purifier, Appetiser and Nerve Tonic* It makes a defigbtiul, whole come drink, which Invigorates, Purines and Strengthens the enure system. For General Debility, Dyspepsia, Bttiensnest, Torpid Liver, Indigestion, Neuralgic and liheu matio Affections. Jaundice, Malaria, Flatulency. N maea. Sick Headache and "Kidney Complaints, it is invaluable. Price, SO cents. Ask your Dru* rtst for these Dented Irs and take no stew or will, be sent Free receipt of price. -descriptive Pamphlets Free. |fP Addre D- \ory's Diamond Beutedlca WW O Bex SUf.0. 104 John Street. Vew 1 ork. THE HiglraoBiiii is now made for the fourth year and Uas a record of unqualified success. It was the first made and has been brought to perfection while compet ing and imitating machines havebeen made for only one or two sooorn and some of them are ad I this year for the first time. It uses small inexpensive never Ms to Wnd every bundle and the LIGHTEST BRIGHT, aOST DUEABLE AND BEST FINISHED JUIfflLJfe*Jl the market. *^f Any one who buys the DEERISO BINDER avoids every chance of trou ble or failure in the harvest MANUFACTti^ED BY IrVilllam Deerings CHICACO. |v Xsnrfactsreralsoof M= TkC^ligitl^,TkBl)ewiigaMTTim THI BBsVr f* CHAPIT. ^^IHRESHELS^lti. THE BEST OF ALL LINIMENT&* S FOB BBBDT. For more than a third of a century tho Mexican Rfnataiig JLininient hasbecu huown to millions nil over the worias the only wto reliance for tho relief of accidents ami pain. It i* a metlicnio ttliove pi ice nnd pmisethe ]es of Its kind. 1 jr t^ ery form of extcinul MEXICANp,iUi Vnstang Liniment is without pn cnMul it lieisetratea flesh and. mnsclo to| tlie eiy lioae-making the continn nnco of pom nnd mflan,mntion imi)o siblo Its effectsupon Hr man Flesh a 11 tho Brnto re at ion arc equally woinit i fnl Tho albican MUSTANG Lininfent is needed by somebody every house. Evoi-y day brings news 1 the agoay or an n^vfnl scaia or barn subdued, of rfacuinatio mar|yra i Htoied, or a valuable uorae or ov| sa\el by tho healing powci of this LINIMENT. which speedily cares sobb. ailments ci I the HUMAN FLESH as I Bhcaniatiim, Sivelllnfrs, Stiflr Joints, Contimctca HInaeIs, Burusj and Scald a, Cnts, Bruises andf Sprains, Polsouons Bites and I Stings, Stlflnesa, Iiameneas, Old) Sores, Ulcers, Frostbites, Chilblains. I Sore Klpples, Caked Breast, and| Indeed every form of external dis ease. I heals without scars. For tbe BBDTE CBEATIQX it cores Sprains, Svrlnnr. StifT Joints, i Founder, Harness Sores, Hoof IMs eases, Foot Bot, Screw Worm .Scab,. Hollow Horn, Scratches, Wind-1 frails. Spavin, Thrush, Blngbone ,l Old Sores, Poll Evil, Film upon I the Slant and every other ailment I to whieh the occupants of thcl Stable and Stock Yard sure liable. I The Mexican Mustang Ztnln*snt always cores and never disappoints and ft Is, positively, THE BEST A OF ALL r* LINIMENTS! TOB MAN OS BEAST. PARKER'S HAIR BALSAM. A perfect dress Ing, elegantly per- niined and harm, less Remo\ es dandruff restores aartinl color and prevents bildness CO nils 1 $1 ttess at di i pgui*. Tvmsm COIOGHE. An e WteJj (n- grant pei imr wit) eiceplIonaUj Iatui( prop-^rtle, Ste ana S cents. PARKER'S jGINCER TONSC An 'nvigorating Medicine that Never Intoxicates iTiis delicious combimlion "f in^cr 1'uclui f| ndrI Milhngn ami in oiht-r cf tl best \fg tab rcmrdu-s known emes 1 disorders of I thebovils sloin ich, lucr, kidrc\s ntdiun^s, &i& \hs Best snd Surest Cough Cure Ever Used. If fit tie Mifiu-ing fiom Femn'e Comphmts, Ner\ usness tl eftilncs"! T\l}etiin*itistri Dvspep Ma iq fi i iy disease or mfirrmu, nk P-rker 11 ni It will strengthen brain and body ai ue MI lew life and vior lOO DOIiLARG r-udfor m\i njjinjurious found in it grr lonu. or fit i failur* to help or cuic i tl 1 $1 i ?f#jstij alern fm!ng- nr. *ii ms bt Mil 4IS dll run llmoxM li\m! Oirl&rr.EALYf Statt & flcinroe Sts Clucago.^S^v^ Wil ttirtja 11 inv lulrtrws their, 3ANP CATALOQUE, i fur |i J, i" ti vt *10 bngmi K*] if nutruiiiejiL "siiiU Carw, telU,1 SV" nmn llijorV Statri. and H! t tlr\ Hi A Ottthts, R*pniHng Miterhlt.il otncjulet 'nitractlonud E er,-(.i.t A rtitmr I iuds, ami CMaloct We continue to actassolicitorsfor patents, caveats, trado-marks, copyrights, etc. for the United States, andto obtainpat ents in Canada, England, France, Germany, and all other countries. Thirty-six years'practice. No charge for examination of models or draw ings. Advice by mail free. Patents obtained through us are noticed in the SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, which has the largest circulation, and is tae most mflu finual newspaper of its kind publishedin the world. The advantagesof such a notice verv patentee understands Thislarge and splendidly illustrated news- paperigpubUahed wEBKIi'l at $3 20 a year, and is admitted to be the best paper devoted to science,mechanics,inventions, engineering works, and other departments of industrial progress, published in any country. Single copies by mail, 10 cqnts. Sold by all news iealers. .Address, Munn & Co., publishers of Scien tific American, 261 Broadway, New York. Musis ook about patents mailed free. CAN I OBTAIN A PATENT For SEEDS|r-or "th aationalDlplomaat.S Dairy &&'. \alunblt i JC 1 pint fool SIBLEY'S SEEDS ifi PATENTS our ns Send a rough sketch or If you can)ftmodel of yi ln\ ention to UJEOKOK K. I,^IOX, Waanii ton, O. anda Preliminary Exatuiaatioi_ will be made of nil United btatos patents or the same class of iti\ entioits and \vi 1 beauvised whether or not a patent tan be obtained. FOK THIS PltEiVIMrXARYEXAMINA- TIO XO CUAliGK I S HADE, WhatNwill a Patent Cost? If you are id vised that your in\ ention Is patent able, send *tS to)M Go^ ernmtnt application fee of *13, and t.3 for the drawings required by tbe Government This is pa nil when application is made and is all of the expense unless a patent isa limed Wheuallowed ieattorH'sfee(823')anl tlie final Government fee (S20) isTujj able Thus yon know beforehand /w-jiot/iwff.whetheryouare "'oing to a pitei^n oo not scharsprgeunless io dr get,aand Patent Anaitoraey iv hose fee depends on bis success in obtaining a Patent wil not cdvis ou that our invention Is Eatentablelunlestscatnre i ill is patentable, so fir as is best judgmen aid in determining the ques tion hence, you can rely on the ad% ise gn en after a preliminary-tain matioit i Had Deafgll Fat* enia nnd the Itejialration of s^ftbeln. Trade Mark* and Bisues secured 4 aveat* pre pared andflUd Applications in revivor of fte Metcsl,Abandonen.or Forfeited Caacsmnde Very often valuable inventions are 8n^ ed in these classes of cases If you have nndartaken to secure our ow patent and failed, a skilifnl handlingof the case may lead tosuccess, fiend me a written re tothe EORorr LFJKW.cMtaslHng- ittorncy la the case and aboJt the dat in exaiiiliui'ionniid repott cost you nothinginformationade. Commissioner of JPatents que^taddressead that he recogij i as our attorney a the case givinet of the invention date of filing your application A examination nn repor wifi .,j tions, in fact any relnting. promptlv furmshei Copley of Pntenw mailed at the regular Government rate^,/25o. each Be member thisoffice hasbeen in successful operation since lSft and yov therefore reap th benefits of experience, besides reference enn be given to ac tual clients in almost every coi-ntx in tii* l* Vampblct relating Patents free upon request rat he recogTjzeOEOKOF ton,, D, gtvinetFel titlle of the and aboJ the date of mini Searches 3 i.rtitlteotroPatents- Invn CEO. E. LEMON, 61S 15th St., W ASHIVGTtW, C. Attornerat-T,iT and Solicitor of Amcr can and Foreign* 1'atnnU Is a compound of the virtues of aarsaparil la^ stilhngia, mandrake, Yellow ttock, with the irxlule ot potash and iron, all powerful blood-making, blood-cleansing, and life-mis taimng elements. It is the purest, safest, and most effectual alteram medicine kuow ot available to tlie public. The sci ences of medicine and chemistry have ne\er produced so A aluable a temcdy, nor one so potent to cure all diseases lesulting from impure blood. It cures Scrofula and all scrofulous diseases. Erysipelas, Rose, or St. Anthony's Fire, Pimples and Face-grubs, Pustules, Blotches, Boils, Tumors, Tetter, Humors, Salt Rheum, Scald-head, Ring-worm, Ulcers, Sores, Rheumatism, Mercurial Disease, Neuralgia, Female Weak nesses and Irregularities, Jaundice, Affections of the Liver, Dyspepsia, Emaciation, and General Debility. By its searching and cleansing qualities it purges out the foul corruptions which contaminate the blood and cause derangc inenrand decay. It stimulates and enlivens 'tlie Mtal functions, piiuiotes energy and strength, restores and preserves health, aud infuses new life and vigor throughout tho whole s\stera. No*uffeiei from anv dis ease which anses from impurity of the blood need despair who will gite A\EUS HnBFTH^'PiELGMMDS Fair.. N* **h rBas\i ItJii ike hens laj irtt\rni r- or sent by mail for PARSONS'8 thee MERCHANTffl^5^E!^|SEEDSi_INERACTMARKE Grown by ourselvesac '^rr-nanasomo innstrated Catalosrde and Krml Refftater FREE TO ALL. !SRCASTS SEXD S YOUR BUSINESS CARDS FOR TRADE UST. iMg3L5iJBfJETH&SON5tSEDflROWERStPHllA0ELPHiA inffiUT BUTTER COLOR ttfilres Battertliesrlltedgea' color tha year roand. The la-scst BuCreameries thousands of Dairyi^s y WJ? PMIFECT. Used bj allthobest Al^w/rgKiiYaRiiso*" Ml. PmHcto: ttco8ts.Wouses i wheret get it WEIJ.S, RICHAROSO *t_ cg^grg^iet SLAY And will completely chsnse the Wood in the satire system in tares mnatiis. Aaypsrsoa who SlU EACH NIOIJT FROM ONE TO TWELVE WEBKS.miheistor^tosonBfhraltt.K For cnriVg^mal"complaiats these Pilts have nMo iqa'sl f^^^i*^^J^^iiSVV^^i. or sent by mail for 15 cents in stamps. Send for 1.8. JOHjTsOW ,,d TRADE MARE. Laboratory 7^ W. 3d St, New York City. Druggists sell it glBLEY'SgEEDS n, for All are Sf|tarAHi LA a fair mat. Itrefolh to CKjienment with tfie nunier ous lou-pnced tiii\tmes, of cheap materials, and without mcdi mal \htupg, offeied as blood-pm ili( is, litle disease becomes more lirinlj se.itul A\ Bit's SAKSArAitiLLA is 4 inedium* of such concentrated curaturfl power, that it is liy fat the best, cheapestJft*.saws off and most 1 citable blood-pnriner known VL\ sicians Know if Composition, and prc senbe it It lias been widely usetl for fom veais, and has won the unqualified conn-r deuci of imlliops whom it has benefited. 8*1 Prepared by Dr. J. C. Ayer & Co. Ti.Htiral and Aiialtica Chemists, |^r Lowell, Mass. ijOtUlYAll Iil.lM.IST5 E\ER\WHERE T8 LAIIES ONLY! We win waS 1 SMaMM SIlTcr-slsteS BaMtrKaHK 11 Shell 1 Bo r-slaiedSasrSae1lilBook.^ __. TUiriawm Mpieces full slzeTeeal Hwlr, WHSJI Piano accompaniment, retail from St to SS cent* each I at stores. and a beautiful nasttafaS astasias, three I months, post paid if IS. three-cent sumps are sent! PENSIONS! for Soumntv wldsws, pa* rents^cbildren.PeDsioiis tor woui,aecidsatslfidarie, raptarei disease of Iango, i^iarrbai a SEEDSr Mr YecetaMe aad flower StedCatolosra* tW 1 S3 Wiff be sent FRKK to all who apply Customeis of last season need not write tot it All seed sent my establishment warranted tobe both fresh and true tonaote, so far that should it prove otherwise,e 1 agree to reau fte order gratis My H^tonX* _w-. ._ PARSONSpamphlet PILLS...isposs!Wslas^idwesywhereBiass.goston,.CCX HA.K:EJ NETT^RIC BLOOD, And will completely change the blood In the entire system in three months. Any per- son who will take 1 Pil| each night from 1 to IS weeks, may be restored to sound health, if each a thing be possible, For caring Female Complaints these Fins have no equal. Physicians user them in their practice. Sold everywhere, or sent by mail for eight letter-stamps. Send for circular. I JOHNSON Sc CO., BOSTON, MASS. PHTHERIAJmanySIher*lieS\betterteethay JOHNSON'S ANODYNE LINIMENT ^J?^^* Nt'iuaiRin, Influenza, Sore Lungs, Bleeding at theiuugs, hronic Hoarseness, Hacking out.h, Whooping Oough, C1 to lie Kheumntism, Chronic Diarrhoea, Chronic iivsentcrj i. hoicri Morbqs, Kidney Troubles, Diseases Of the Spine and Lame Back. Sold everywhere Send for pamphlet to I S JOHNSON & Co., BOSTON, Mass. in English Vcterinarv Surjreon and Chemist now trav jttiR In this country an that most 1 ot the Hirse an 1 tattle Powders sold here I are worthless trash He savs that Sheridan I Condition Prwders are absolujeb pure and Imwengeh valuable Nothing on earth will make hens la like Sheridan's Condition Powders Dose, 1 teasp ful to 1 oiut tuod bol everywhere, or sent by mail for S latter-stamps. S JOHKSOS & Co.<p>JOHNSON'S CLARKy ATX CROPN. for AIX CLJ-, tested til tbe bestsndbest sent oumethods.t nrnia'and rariii HccaManual HiBtory of culture of Grains. Itoot Crops, (Irasses, Fodder Crops, Trtu PlantSnff, etc only lOcta. Annual Catalogue and Price Lltt of several thousand varieties, FUEL. HIRA"::N^raTTirniiTTM^ :aeii?c!?CT If yon wish to grow 0rfonly?SadL8 iretdas-Qtoasaads. Soldiers and lwirs of Mi and Xeidaui vsneattUed to Pcsaftx and LAHB WAIKASTS. We savs UHSeelled falilies for seeurinr Patsirrs. atator am attor. aey in Washington, Send two stamps for 1st* laws, W C.C. IFAlfME^rJoft P*n*lim sad Psteat Aitor nets, ldXk-*VM.m,VflmmliQUM, & r^-* est Butter Buyersrecommend Its uas, best Awarded the Inter. lstor'ncrc'iantrorit orwrttctoasfeyrhat Itls,what *|_!!!!l^.Sf i the most [and a row^"MaATrtea^SSiyCijS^Mi*Sja^ BNSK arTda^ore of other new VeeetaBies. I mte the patron ag^h^^-vet of the public In he gard-ms nd on the Bran of 'tsaS^S^ to P^aat m,seed WH1 be foondjytetaderttae ^^S-caBjoent. James H. CregCry, Marblebead. Mass. \n tnglisr lettr nirj surscon ana Chsialst now traveling in this co tetrr says thai most of t) Horse and Cattn. ow ^r^^t Id here are worth tes tra-h 1*6 ivi tht Sheridan's Condition l'tiwder- ire ab dutctj pure and immensely likeShtndau j-C'-ir'u m'(vn lost, 1 teaspooufm itttr st imp* 1 A Bosros MASS, .jsomnLL CROUP, ASTHMA, BRONCHITIS. OHNSON'ANODYN E LINIAUSNT will Instan taneously thes terrible dHea^s, and will positively cure nine cases ou of ten tut irmation that will save sent fre mail. Ion delay a moment Prevention is cure MAKE HENS LAY Indian Blood S^rup Cures all diseases of the Stomach, Liver, Bowels, Kidneys, Skin and Blood. Millions testify to its .efficacy in heal ing the above named diseases, and pro* nounce it to be the BEST REMEDY KNOWN TO MAN. Guaranteed to cure Dyspepsia. ITAGENTS WANTED. BOSTON, Mass. 4 P00I SEEDS. SIBLEY & CO. CHICAGO,111 Rochester.N.Y. GARDENING FOR PROFIT. etablea for Sale, read If you wish to be- PRACTICAL come a Commercial W"U FLORICULTURE 'Florist, read If you wish to Gar-, denforAmusement PLEASURE^ OARDENINQ FO All by MTEB HBflrJMEBSOir. Price $1 60 each, postpaid by mall. Our Combined Catalogue of 4-mfiH.AMi SEEDS PLANTS For lte, sent free on application. PETER HENDERSON A CO 3ft Portland* St, New York. THE MILLER BflOS.CUTLERY CO, MERIDEX, CONN. STANDARD POCKET CUTLERY, I.adic es-Our vnole line of Fens will be sold by tke trade. B7-lric Lints furnlsbed to dealers on sppUeaiioa. Hrl fcat Scissors and Ink Erasers. Make allseries of STEEL PENS. W shoventof PatentAdJastsbleQnlUActionKestrroirPea, **The Acme," andwillmail ismpleirossonrscsiytoffii 8IOO PRE3ENT1 For Maniastksswffl .w sts Fsu as aa as this m*,\ This "Is the King of Saw TW^vs^ff, 2 toot log In 2 Tnhmtfi 80,000 in nse. Tha cheapest -*'fY made,and fully waxranted. Cizvvlar free. Onltsd SUtst Manufsctaripa Co., 1 jf+l. FREE] I ^rlll ntsilf a copy of nay Kew Book, "MEDICAL COMMON SENSE," FREE, to any person who w!llSBssBBBaBSBBBBBBBBSssr'COWSPHPTlOiruaoaSsssea,address end bis name sndrln8f post-office in stamps tonpay postage. .I-.S?- with 0 or BBNClIIXI8rUie informaUon in ta^aoK ls of great value: snd it may in tbe providence of ttoa. savetnany nsefnl lives Address, H.aE WOLFE.146S.UU S^Cnsefsraas.fJ MB (SI35SPo?f?ut:. i i SC3 BsetCnrigbSyrap. Ve in Harwssmdrugglata^WytlStTaaieaaldAlSolraWM'Clim KIDNEY-WORT FDR THE MMUNEIIT CUR E Of CONSTIPATION iT ybntliST rtleessi SaopsweatessttattlB tsyaspesssttpatlessa aad. ^r