Newspaper Page Text
VOLUME VI. NO 4 4
fUULI&KED EVERY WEDNESDAY BY
Office ovei City Drug Store.
One Dollar and a half per year in
FURNISHED UPON APPLICATION.
IrtveitisementB in double column, double the
tingle column rates.
Business Curds of five lines, one year 15,00, each
additional line 75 cts.
All transient ndveitiaementsto be paid for in
Advertisements Inserted in thelocal notice col
umns, ten ct ii line for the first, insertion and 5
cents i line tor each subsequent insertion but no
notice inset ted for less than 50 cts
A moiincements of marriages and deaths insert,
ed fiee but obituary notices, except in special
cases, will be chat ged at advertising rates.
Legil notices willbechaiged 75 cts per folio for
thn first ine~tion, and a1!
cts per folio for each
subsequent insertion. All legal notices must be
upon the responsibility of the attorney oiderlng
thorn published, and no amdavitof publication will
be given until the publication fees are lid.
In connection with the paper, we have A splen
did v^sortment of jobbing material, and we ai
prep ued to execute all kinds of printing in a style
unsurpassed and at modeiate rates
J. It. FOSTER,
E N" I S
NEW ULM, MINN.
A full set of teeth for ten dollars.
Gas administered by Dr. Berry, and
teeth exti acted without pain.
Ollice over Kieslmg & Keller's
Office, corner Miuu and Finrt BU.
*W ULM. MINNESOTA
JTvlt C. BERRY,
PHYSICIAN & SURGEON.
Orp.it vr IUK CITT MBUQ STORK
Physician and Surgeon.
Nl'W UI.M, MINN.
ilioe and residence on German St.
HMTJ. W. WELLCOME,
PHYSICIAN and SURGEON
Will answer calls in city or country
all horns of the day and night.
OFFICE wita Dr. C. Berry, over
Kiesline, Keller & Co'a Stoie.
Oiaituate of Ontiiio Vttennary College, Toionto,
Treats all Disease** of Domestic
Onice at CIIAS.11OSSKOPF-Sliveiy bain
NEW ULM, MINN.
J. J. RAY,
Ma ry Public, Conveyancer,
and ageit foi St. Paul
FIRE & MARINE INSURANCE CO
Springfield, Brown Co., Minn.
Attorney and Counselor
Titles examined and perfected.
Paiticular attention given to collec
^"Office over Brown Co. Bank
NEW ULM. MINN.
JOHN LIND RANDALL A HAGBERG
Lind & Randall,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW
PRACTICE I N ALL THE COURTS
NEW ULM, MINN.
Elm T. Westphal,
Keeps on hand a large and well
assorted stock of millinery, fancy
goods and zephyr wool, opposite
the Union Hotel, between second
and Third North streets.
NEW ULM MINN.
Mrs. Anton Olding,
NEXT DOOtt TO
HOMME ITS STORE, NEW ULM
Has on hind a good stock of Millnei Goods con
sisting in pirt of Hats, Bonnets, Velvets, Silks
Ribbons, Fe ither Human Hair, Floweis &r
Also "aHeriiBforstampingmonogrnms. btamp
i n* c-f allkind all embroidery Woik and Fashion
a bio ihesBmaking done to order
CHAS. BRUST, PROP'R.
Cor. Minn. & First South Streets
New Ulm, Minn,
S accommodations. Location con
venient to and depot. Sample rooms
best in the city.
Dutch Bulbs, Japan
Bulbs, French Bulbs,
American Bulbs. Also
PUntsforOreenhouses and Window Gardens,
BROWN CO. BANK.
Cor. Minn, and Centre Strs.
NEW ULM, MINN.
Collections and all business pertaining to banking
promptly attended to.
Manufacturer of aiul Dealer in
Minnesota street, next door to C.
NEW ULM MINN
I N BASEMENT O
The best of Wines, Liquors and
Cigars constantly kept on hand.
Louis Felkfl, Prop'r.
CHAS. STDEBE, Prop'r.
A large supply of fresh meats, sau
sage, hams, lard, etc., constantly on
handt All orders from the country
promptly attended to.
CASH PAID FOR HIDES.
Minn. Str-, New Ulm. Minn.
Hides, Lard, Wool*
Cattle bought and sold in ltrge or
small numbers. Contracts solicited.
ZIEHER & BREY, Prop'rs.
MINNESOTA ST. NEW ULM,MINN
undersigned would lespcctfully inform
th public that they hu\ established a meat
market one door north of the Union House W
will spare no paint or means to keep our market
supplied with only the best Iresh ir.tr ts, sausage
and everything else usually found in a flit-class
imeat maiket, and our prices will alwajs compare
nvorably with those of our competitor It so de
sired, articles purchased of us vill be sent to the
durchnse. 's house without extra charge The high
est marki tpucc will always be paid for fat cattle
C. F. HELD,
Undei taker and Dealer in
All KINDS OF FORNITDRE
Proprietor and Manufacturer of
THE FARMERS FRIEND
The best tanning mill in the market
Store and Factory on Centre Stieet near
the C:ty Mill
NEW ULM, MINN.
NEW MACHINE SIOF.
Centre Street, Opposite Mueller &
Scherer's Lumber Yard,
NEW ULM, MINN
tfljeo. Kobki^dl), ft'opV*
I am now piepaieu to execute all
ouleis with dispatch. Kepaiung of
Thresheis and Reapers a specialtj.
My Machine!y is all new and of tno
most improved pattern. All woik s\r-
ranted as lepresentcd. Al those in
want of anything in my line are cordi
ally mvited to ^ive me a call.
Dry goods. Notions, Boots & Shoe
Medicines & Farming lmplemcitts
Golden Gate, Minn.
MANUFACTUUEK OF & DEALER IX
Boots and Shoes!
Minn. & 3d N. strsv New Ulm, Minn.
A large assortment, of men's and
boys' boots and shoes, and ladies' and
childrens' shoes constantly kept on
hand. Custom work and repairing
promptly attended to
nrANUFACTUUER OP AND Dt\LER W
"Upholstery, and all custom work
pertaining to my business promptly at
tended to. Minnesota street, next door
to Schnobrich's saloon. New
Canned, Dried and Green Fruits,
FLOUR AND FEED
STONE.WOODEN AND WILLOW AVAI.E.
Minn. St. New Ulm Minnesota.
A I SBTER
FRESH AND CANNED
And eveiy thing else belonging to a
N OVELTY STORE,
NEW UIM, MINN
Eats and Caps,
Men's and Boys' Clothing,
Ladies Jackets and Dolmans
LADIES' AND GENTS'
CROCKERY & GLASSWARE
BOOTS AND SHOES,
And the veiy latest patterns in
Drezs Goods & Trimmings
My pin chases IMVO been made di
rect and foi cash, and I am theieby
enabled to make the lowest pi ices.
Call and examine my scock and com
pare puces befmc purchasing Use
am i CHEAP SALES
Hats, Caps, Notions,
Crockery and Glassware,
Green, Dried and Canned
Fruits, etc, etc.
I will always t.ikef.um pioduce in exchange!
foi goods, and pay the highest irket pncefoi all
kinds of piper rags
In connection lth my btoie I ha*e a (list clats
saloon furnished with a splendid billiard tabic and
mycustomeis will always find good liquors and
cigais, and cvciy forenoon a splendid lunch.
All goods purchased of me will be dehvcied to
my irt ofthe elty frep of cost.
Minnesota Street, New Ulm, Minn
HA RD WARE, TINWA BE A Nl
The Celebrated White. Howe,
NEW ULM, MINN.
GEO BENTZ & CO
Importeis and Wholesale Dcaior*
3 W 3d St., S i PAUL. Minn
PHOTOGRAPHST The undersigned would respectfully
inform the public that they have
on the corner of Minnesota and 3dnoticew
North Streets, and that thej
WE DO NOT CLAIM
that HOOD'S SAKSA^AKHLLA will cure every*
thing, but the fact that on the purity and
vitality of the blood depend the vigor and
health of the whole system, and that disease
of various kinds is often only the sign that
nature is trying to remove the disturbing
cause,we are naturally led to the conclusion
that a remedy that gives life and vigor to
the blood, eradicates scrofula and other im
purities from it, as HOOD'S SABSAPARIIXA
undoubtedly does, must be the means of pre
venting many diseases that would occur
without its use hence the field of its useful
ness is quite an extended one, and we are
warranted in lecommending it for all de
rangements of the system which are caused
by an unnatural state of the blood.
Why Suffer with Salt-Rheum
MESSES. C. I. HOOD & Co., Lowell, Mass.
GentlemenI was a great sufferer from
Salt-Rheum on my limbs, for a dozen years
previous to the summer of 1876, at which
time I was cured by Hood's Saisaparilla.
The skin would become diy, chap, crack
open, bleed and itch intensely, so that I
could not help scratching, which of course
made them worse. At the time I com
menced taking Hood's Sarsaparilla (in the
summer of 1876) they were sooad that they
discharged, and I was obliged to keep them
bandaged with linen cloths. The skin was
drawn so tight by the heat of the disease
that if I stooped over they would crack open
and actually bring tears into my eyes. The
first bottle benefited me so much that I con
tinuedtaking it till I was cured I used one
box of Hood's Olive Ointment, to relieve the
Itching. Hoping many others may learn the
value of Hood's Sarsaparilla and receive as
much benefit as I have, I am,
Very truly yours,
Ms. S. S. MOODY,
No. 75 Broadway.
Lowell, Mass., Jan. 15,1878.
Is sold by druggists. Price $1, or six for $5.
prepared I. HOOD & Co., Lowell, Mass.
FOR $4.50 IN ADVANCE
We will eend
New American & Singer
Cor Minn. & is S Sts.. New Ulm, -MINN
Eagle Mill Co,
Gradual Reduction Roller
prepared to do all kinds of photo
graphic work in the most approved
and elegant styles. Special attention
will be given to family groups, En
largements and also to copying of
pictures of deceased.
One of the Artists will always be
ready to take views of residences.
W will, on demand, finish the
pictures in oil or water colors, also
frame them neatly. Only first-class
work delivered and all work war
NEW ULM, MINN., WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 29, 1833.
The Spectator one year, W $130
THE HOUSEKEEPER one year,^m .75
The Waterbury Watch, -%4.Q0
Is the beet and most useful of all the household
publications. It Is published by The Buckeye
Publishing Co, Minneapolis, Minn., who
will eend yon a specimen copy EfiEE. The same
lira publishes and has sold 175,000copies of the
'BUCKEYE COOK BOOK,"(thelargStsaleTever
made of a book of its class.) without doubt TUB
BUST COOS BOOK TUB WOBLD.
Is the size and style represented in the cut, and
is the beat cheap watch made. It is a stemwinder
in nlckle silver case, which will not tarnish, and
is an excellent time-keeper. The watch retails
regularly at $4.00 and is well worth the money.
(If sent by mail enclose 24 cents for postage and
we guarantee safe delivery.)
WE MAKE THIS, THE MOST LIB-
ERAL OFFER WEiHAVE* EVER
MADE, O ALL* SUBSCRIBE
ERS WHO PAY'UP.ART.
REARS AND ONEYEAR
We will send to any subscriber whohas already
paid in advance, THE HOCSEKEEPSB one year
and the Waterbury Watch,for $3 25 and postage.
This is 75 cents less than the retail price of the
From these sources arise three-fourths of
the diseases of the human race. These
Appetite, Bowels eostlTe, Sick Head*
ache, fullness after eating* aversion to
exertion off body or mind, Eructation
of foody Irrit. bllity of temper. Low
spirits, A feeUng of baring neglected
eaxtjltots before the eyes,big]
ored ITrine, CONSTIPATION and de
some duty, Dizziness,Flutterlngat tno
HcarttPpt before the eyes,highly eol
urea miraro, Kvnsiirauviii mm ua
mandthe use of a remedythat acts directly
on the Liver. AsaLivermediclnoTUTT'fr
PIIi.S have no equal. Their actionon the
KidneysandSkinis also prompt removing
all impurities through these three "scav
engers of the system,'* producing appe*
tite, sound digestion, regular stools^a
cause no nausea or griping nor interfere
with dally work and area perfect
ANTIDOTE TO MALARIA.
TUTTS HAIR DYE.
GRAT HAIR OR WHISKERS changed in
stantly to a GLOSST BI^ACK by a single ap.
plication of this DTK. Sold by Druggists,
or sent by express on receipt of 01*
Office, 44 Murray Street, New York.
T'JTT'S MANUAL OF USEFUL RECEIPTS FREE.
New Ulm Foundry
& MACHINE SHOP
Corner Centre & Front Streets.
NEW ULM, MINN
The Foundry has been thoroughly refitted and
am no preoaied to do all kinds of work on short
Repairing of all kinds of machinery and
Agucultural Implements a speciality. Onlyex
peiienced workmen are employed and work en
trnstedtomy care wiOll be executed with neatness
and dispatch. AM, wRK WARRANTED
a beautiful monthly,
75 cents a year. Ev
ery woman who keeps
houseneeds it, and will
have it when she hears
of it, if she has to go
without her Spring
and Grand Premium
List Free. Specimen
pages of thekBccKBT
COOK BOOK, (which ev
erybody knows is the
Best in theWorld,)free
with it. Address,
Jlwefceye Pvb?g Co.,
The touches of her hand ro liko the fall
Of velvet t-nowflakes, lil-e the touch of down
The peach just blushes'gainst the giirdenwall
Theflossj toundiingsof the thi&tewbi~p
CauRht in th ci inkle of a lent of brow
ThebliphtingtroKthas turned ftom green to
Soft as the tailing of the dusk at night,
The touches of her hand and the delight
The touches of her hands!
The touches of her hands are likethe dew
That falls so softly down, no one e'erknew
The touch thereon save lovers like to one
Astray in lights where ranged Endymion.
Oh, rarely soft the touches of ber hands
As drowsy zephyrs in enchanted lands
Or pulse of dying fay, or fairy sighs
Orin between the midnight and the dawn
When long unrest and tears and fears are
Sleep, smoothing down the lidsof weary eyes.
[J. W. Kiley.
HOW GOULD SHE LOVE HIM.
Who will deny that a little self-esteem
is an excellent thinr Without it a per
son is a pitiable object he collapses
like a pricked puff-ball at every rebuff,
and is as unpanoplied for the asperities
of the world as a snail without its shell.
Dr. Huofh Melton probably had a fair
share of this desirable article in the be
ginning, but his deceased wife had com
pletely eradicated it.
He firmly believed that his waving
chestnut hair, shot with lights of Wan
dering gold, was a brickdustred Sarah
had often said so.
It was an article of his creed that he
was as ugly as an ogre, and as clumsy
as a hippopotamus. Sarah had instruct
ed him in this belief.
He looked at himself through the de
parted Sarah's shrewish spectacles, and
found himself a very undesirable hus
band for a lovely girl like Lizzie
Sarah had often said that she had
thrown herself away when she married
him, and if he was not a fit match for
her, how dare he aspire to Lizzie, who
surpassed her as a mayflower does a
Maysaucy minxin the Western
town of Parsons steals the roses from
her sister June, and as she keeps April's
violets as well, reigns queen-month of
There is not a hollow in the rolling
rairie has its lap full of the rosy
verbena not a meadow but
can match the blue above with its vio
lets beneath not a hedge-row but is as
full of bloom as it is of bird-songs.
Mrs. Ledley's dining-room was a con
fusion and profusion of flowers, colored
paper, and pasteboard boxes.
From this chaos dainty May-baskets
were rapidly emerging, while the clat
ter of girlish tongues kept time to the
click of scissors.
Isn't that just too sweet for any
thing?" said a ten-year-old blonde, as
she proudly surveyed a completed
basket. "I'm going to give it to Bert
Harris. May Ihave one of your moss
rose buds for it, Lizzie?"
"No I'm sorry, but I can't spare one
of them," returned Lizzie Smith, jeal
ously guarding her five perfect pink
buds. "Dr. Melton loves roses, and he
shall have everyone of my buds."
"Selfish thing!" said May Lansing,
making a dash for Lizzie's treasure.
A sparring-match was imminent,
when a little peace-maker came to the
rescue with a spray of white heliotrope,
and the belligerents subsided.
"How many baskets are you going tc
hang, Lizzie? enquired May, whose
anger kindled and burned out as quick
ly as afire fed with straw.
"Only one. I don't believe in pay
ing attention promiscuously," said
this twelve-year-old book-worm, who
had the dictionary at her tongue's end.
I believe in loving one only, and in
cleaving to him," she added, adapting
Tennyson to the exigencies of the oc
casion in a sentimental tone, oddly at
variance with her dimpled childish
As Lizzie hung her basket on Dr.
iMelton's door-knob that evening, rang
the bell, and ran away, she looked sev
eral times to see if the doctor was
pursuit, for she would not have object
ed to pay the traditional forfeit of a kiss
if the one she had elected to love and
cleave to had been fortunate enough to
capture her but it was only Mrs. Ros
coe, the doctor's housekeeper, who came
to the door and witnessed the flying lit*
"There is -something for you, sira
May-basket that was left last night,"
said she at the breakfast-table, direct
ing Dr. Melton's attention to a gay lit
tle boat, overflowing with a cargo of
rosebuds, pansies, and geranium leaves,
that was sailing on the red sea of the
"For me?" wonderingly enquired Dr.
Melton. "Who would give me a May
basket? Perhaps it is for you, Mrs. Ros-
"That's a likely story!" sniffed Mrs.
Boscoe. "Who would hang a May
basket for a grizzly grey old woman
"But it can't be for me," protested
"Of course it can't" said Mrs. Roscoe,
with another sniff of sovereign sarcasm.
"It must be for the cat! I declare for't
it, doctor, I can't bear to see a hand
some, smart, middling-young man like
you have such a misurble opinion of
"Me handsome?" said the doctor
deprecatingly. "Sarah always said
"Yes, I know what Sarah always
said," broke in his champion indignant
ly. "Wasn't she my own niece? And
didn't I know all the ins and outs of her
domineerin' ways? She was one of the
women that think they can h'ist them
selves up by puttin' all the men folks
down as low as they can get 'em. Not
but what I think folks ought to be hum
blethat's ail right, ana accordin' to
Scriptur'but when humbleness goes
to seed, it raises a big crop of airishne&s,
and there's no kind of market for such
a crop. I hatetothink of the way you've
been brought down. You haven't any
better opinion of yourself than if you
were a striped clown at a circus. But I
suppose there's no use lecturin' you,"
said she, heaving a sigh, and abandon
ing the attempt to revive the self-es
teem which the formidable Sarah had
blighted: "so to give you a little sweet
after all the pepper sauce you've been
takin* so patiently from me. what would
you say if I tola you that Lizzie Smith
hung that basket for you?"
He said nothing but the bright blood
in his bronzed cheeks spoke eloquently
of his joy and amazement
If he had been alone it is more than
probable that some kisses would have
fallen on the flowery freight of the lit
As it was, Dr. Melton's big tender
hand passed lightly over it with a caress
in every finger-tip.
"Seems to me I've heard some talk
about a language of flowers. What do
them posies say?" enquired Mrs. Roscoe,
pleased to observe the doctor's emotion,
and resolved to push her advantage.
Dr. Melton started.
C-f He remembered to have read in a
scrap ot old newspaper a list of the sen
timents of different flowers.
The pansiesno less a person than
Shakspeare has said, "There's pansies
that's for thought." Did Lizzie think
of him sometimes?
But those five rosebuds, seeming to
blush under his gaze as he endeavored
to wrest from them their sweet secret,
what did they mean?
The answer that sprang from his re
membrances made bis heart throb and
his brain reel, for the word that lay hid
in their pink folds was "love!"
"There goes Lizzie now," said Mrs.
Roscoe, peeping through the screen of
Dr. Melton sprang from his seat and
hurried to the sate, unconsciously re
taining the little boat, which, with its
freight of flowers, had brought him such
a freight of joy.
He reached "the gate just in time to
intercept a girlish figure, all in light
blue, like the morning-glt ries that jew
elled the greenery at Mrs. Roscoe'f
After the interchange of greetings,
Dr. Melton hesitated, and changed from
red to white, a swiftly as a wind-blown
aspen changes from green to silver.
"Sarah always said I was a fool," he
thought, "and the presumption of think
ing an angel like that could marry me
quite establishes the fact."
It was a very pretty girl that stood
there, her flossy yellow hair making
sunshine under the big black poke, her
dark soft eyes raised expectantly, and
swarms of baby-dimples flocking around
the sweet red mouth, that was trying
to suppress a smile at Dr. Hugh's con
"He wants to give me that May
basket and doesn't Know how to do it!
I'll help him a little," thought Lizzie,
and she began encouragingly:
"What a pretty basket!"
Dr. Melton's eyes fell upon the rose
buds, and they lent him new courage.
"Miss Lizzie," he began impetuously,
"is it possible that you could marry an
awkward, red-headed old bear?"
Naturally Lizzie did not recognise
Dr. Melton in this pleasing portrait
She supposed he referred to Mr. Mor
ris, amarket-gardener, who presented her
with his horticultural tokens of esteem.
"I knew that those green peas and
radishes would be reported, and con
strued into a proposal and an engage
ment, when I saw Mias Lapsley's eve
peering so hard at them through a crack
in the fence." she thought in vexation,
and answered Dr. Meltons flurried
question with a scornful "Certainly not!
How could you suppose that I woulu do
such a thing?"
"I didn't suppose you could," he
stammered forlornly. "What is there
about me for any one to love?"
"In you? Were \ou speaking of your-
self?" she asked, a great auroral wave
making her face eclipse the rosebuds.
"Why Dr. Melton, there is a great deal
everythingin you to love!"
"Who didyou suppose I was speaking
"Mr. Morris, of course!" with a dis
dainful wave of the pretty hand, as if
she were thrusting the objectionable
Mr. Morris into the outer regions of in
Then the long-barred gates of Par
adise, that fly asunder only to the
"Open, sesame!" of happy lovers, were
flung wide to admit these two.
But the school-bell rans them down
to earth again, and reminded Lizzie
that there were other verbs to conjugate
besides the verb to love, and that she
must leave Dr. Melton's pretty speeches
and May sunbeams for a teacher's desk
and a monotonous day in the school
"Now give me my basket and let me
be off," she said, reaching for the dainty
"Your basket?" enquired Dr. Melton
blankly. "Why, you gave it tome! Mrs.
Roscoe said that Lizzie Smith hung it
here last night."
"And so she did!" exclaimed that
lady, thrusting her head through the
morning glories. "But there happen to
be two Lizz.e Smiths in this town, al
though yoi probably think there's only
one in the umveise!"
"Yes, I recollect now, said the crest
fallen doctor. "It was that bright little
girl that I attended through the scarlet
fever lately. But, Mrs. Roscoe, you
know you meant me to believe it was
"And what if I did?" enquired this
unblushing Sapphira, as she came down
the walk, beaming upon the lovers all
the way, like a guardian-angel in a
green-checked gingham. "You were
that sat down on by Sarah that if I
hadn't made you believe it, you'd never
have had courage enough to propose."
"Never mind, Mrs. Roscoe," said
Lizzie saucily. "I'm ever so much
obliged to you. if he isn't. And," turn
ing to the bridegroom-elect, 'what's
in a name?1
"Everything," said Dr. Melton with
fervor, as his happy blue eyes met the
saucy dark ones.
California Stage Driving.
The skill of the drivers in the down*
ward drives is something wonderful.
The roads are a continuous succession
of the letter S, winding in and out abou
the heads of gulches, in many places th6
turn being so sharp as to let the thret
teams of horses form the three sides of
it. They are also rough and rutty at
this season of the year, and at the rapid
motion the roughest places must be
avoided. The driver, on his high seat
with his six lines and long whip in
hand, and one foot on the brake with
the other as a brace on the foot board,
appears to have as perfect control ol
the whole turnout as if it was a puppet
He will throw those six horses from one
side of the road to the other to straddle
a rut or avoid a stone, as if they were
one animal. Sometimes the nub will
scrape the bank on the upper side, and
the next instant the wheels will be on
the very verge on the down side. When
approaching a sharp corner and one'h
impulse is to slow down, crack will go
his whip and we dash around it like a
gush of wind. The reins seem to b*
nerves, or living tissues, conveying the
driver's thoughts, and their pulses beat
and their hearts throb in unison. An
accident seldom happens with those
drivers, for extreme caution, coupled
with absolute control of their team and
vehicle, and perfect knowledge of the
laws of stage motion, governs all theii
acts. They are compelled to make rap
id progress down hill, to compensate
for the slower motion up, and they have
learned by experience all its safeguards,
and practice them. One driver will
make this drive of seventy-five miles in
to the mountains one day, and back
again the next every day of his life,
until he knows every turn, and rut.and
stone on the line, and his sinews are aa
strong as the lash of his whip. From
the snow and mud of the Upper Sierras
to the flowers of the foot-hills, and the
ripening grain of the valley below, is
only a daylight drive, and we rejoice
again in the presence of early summer*
Cor. Milwaukee Sentinel
In a library: "I sav, who took the
Life of Washington?'"" "I'll swear I
didn't know he was murdered."
The dairymen in the vicinity of New
York have started a paper and its re
porters are already pumping everybody
they meet.Phtta. News.
A woman's face is her fortune. If a
man's face was his fortune we know of
several who would be richer than Van
"Kjaerlighodans" is Norwegian for
"love." It is said the journalists of Cin
cinnati kjaerlighodans beer with an un
An amorous swain who is courting a
girl and tr\ ing to please the old man at
the same time is said to be very par
tickler in his attentions.
"Whosoever shall smite thee on thy
right cheek turn to him the other also."
Wiieh a young lady follows this advice
it shows that she is smitten.
We are asked the question if water
does not sometimes intoxicate. It fre
quently does. We have seen barrels that
A boy says in his composition that
"Onions are the vegetables that make
you sick when you don't cat them your-
A man breathes eighteen times a
minute on the average, but the rapidity
with which he breathes after running
to catch a train has not yet been esti
A man writes that Dr. Soandso, who
was convicted of attempting to poison
his wife, will be allowed another trial.
If he doesn't fetch her next time he must
be a poor doctor.
It mads a Kansas jury that has been
locked up ten days, lighting over a mur
der case, to learn that the prisoner was
hanged by the mob the day they were
Count: "Don't you dance at all this
evening, madanie?" "Not till mid
night" "Why so?" "Because to-day
is the anniversary of my husband's
The unfortunate women who toil at
the sewing machine are confronted with
additional danger: When they get mad
at the machine it is certain to bring on a
An Indiana woman applied for a di
vorce on the ground of extreme cruelty,
because her nusband wa* continually
stealing her face powder to shine up his
big brass watch chain.
A prominent physician sav a person
should never be waked up except when
there is urgent necessity for it. We will
pay some one well to translate this into
baby language.Burlington Free Press.
An exchange sajs that "Earl Duffer
in has been presented with the insignia
of the Order of Bath," which is a very
neat way of stating that his lordship
has been presented with a bar of fine
A commercial traveler just in from
Wisconsin says eight out of ten of the
young men there aie so bow legged that
they have to put the ironing board across
their knees order to make it possible
for their girls to sit on their lap*.
An editor intimates that the ladies of
to-day are much stouter than they used
to be about twenty 3 ears ago. Well,
the ladies of to-day are twenty years
older perhaps that has something*to do
Light kids are fashionable. When
this is more generally known newspaper
reporters, in announcing the birth of
phenomenally large babies, may come
down to figures that are not so at vari
ance with veracity.
"Of course." said Mrs. Rubric, "our
rector conducts the service in English,
but then it is just asgrand and inspiring
as Latin you can't understand a wor3
he says \o know."Boston Tran
There is a grocer out West who is said
to be so mean that he was seen to catch
a flv off his counter, hold him up by the
hind legs and look in the cracks of histhe
feet, to sec if he hadn't been stealing
some sugar.Somervillc Journal
King Hubert, of Italy, would like to
be a reporter. Life is short, but there
are a few thousand pencil pushers who
would willingly exchange places with
him. After his loyal nibs had waited a
week for a two dollar assignment, he'd
want to wield the scepter again.
At the London Fisheries Exhibition is
a mother-of-pearl suite of bedroom fur
niture, valued at 1,500 guineas. We
have been fishing pretty often, but nev
er caught one of these specimens of the
finny tribe. Perhaps we didn't use the
right kind of bait.
At the dog show two married people
quarrel in a low voice. "See here, Ade
laide, haven't you got done treating me
like a dog?" "What! I treat you like a
dog! O, no. 'Ihey give the dogs gold
medals and you don't merit even an hon
Francis D. Monlton has just returned
from Europe, and says he doesn't take
half the interest in agriculture that he
did, and that money is to be made
easier in Other ways. He talks like a
man who has owned a cow about thiee
Are French flats healthy? Yes, very.
Are the people in them healthy? No.
Why? They have to starve and go half
naked to pay the rent. Why are these
flats called French flats? To distinguish
them from American flats. What are
American flats? The people who live in
Somebody told a young English no
bleman that to be popular in Boston so
ciety he must profess to be very fond of
baked beans. And so, when he dined
at Mrs. Beaconstreet's, he said in a
loud voice to the servant: "Pass the
baked beans, please." There were none,
of course, and the hostess said she was
"Remember the Almo," was a fa
mous Texan Avar cry during the war for
Texan Independence. They have a
thrilling cry something like it down at
the sea shore, "remember the waiter,"
or something of that kind. You'll have
to hear it to appreciate it and under
stand what it means.
A Pittsburg preacher chose this text
from Isaiah: "For the bed is shorter
than that a man can stretch himself on
it, and the covering narrower than that
he can wrap himself in." Every mem
ber of the congregation was certain he
Was going to hear a denunciation of life
lit a crowded hotel, but he didn't.
A Frenchman, living in Louisiana,
whose wife deserted him, amused his
neighbors by telling how he got her
back without trouble. "Did I run after
her and beg hertocome back?" he
dramatically asked." No, I did not
Ton after l.er. I zhust publish in ze
tpapaire zat I have drawn fifty tousand
Joollaire in ze lottery, and she vas back
pinch quicker as no time."
It is going to go pretty rough with
ghat Chinese editor in New Yoj% who
WHOLE NUMBER 411
noenea a lenow counin man in his pa
per. When the intelligent jury are
shown a copy of the Chinese paper and
see the frightful tea-box language used,
they will "find the defendant guilty,
without leaving the box, and recom
meud that he be imprisoned one hun
dred and seventeen years and eight
A newspaper, referring to a local
amateur performance says the overture
to "Martha" b\ Prof. Howlinski was
very effective. "We do not think such
items should be published in the papers.
What do the public care about whether
the Professor made overtures to Martha
or Martha made them to the Profes
sor? The matter is a private one that
only concerns Martha and the Profes
"Aunty, dear, the youug artist Herr
Schmidt, again entreated me at the ball
last evening, to lend him my photograph
which he says will be of inestimable
value to him in painting his new pic
ture. He promises to return it as soon
as the picture is finished. May I cive
it to him?" Aunt"Well, I think it
will be all right if jon inclose with it a
picture of your mother or some other
elderly person to "send your picture
alone to an artist's atelier would be a
teiriblo breach of etiquette."Fliegcn
The Age of Inventions.
The number of inventions that have
been made during the past fifty years is
perhaps unprecedented in the history of
the world. Of course inventions of bene
fit to the human race have been made
in all ages since man was created but
looking back for half a hundred years,
how many more are crowded into the
past fifty than into any other fifty since
recorded history! 1 he perfection of the
locomotive, and the now world travers
ing steamship, the telegraph, the tele
phone, the audiphone, the sewino* ma
chine, the photograph, chromo litho
graphic printing, the cylinder printing
press, the elevator for hotels and other
many storied buildings, the cotton gin
and the spinning jenny, the reaper and
mower, the steam thrasher, the steam
fire engine, the improved process for
making steel, the application of chloro
form and ether to destroy sensibility in
painful surgery cases, and so on through
a long catalogue.
Nor are we yet done in tho field of in
vention and discovery. The application
of coal gas and petroleum to heating
and cooking operations is only trem"
bling on the verge of successful experi
ment the introduction of the steam
from a great central reservoir to gen
eral use for heating and cooking is fore
shadowed as among the coming events,
the artificial production of butter has
already created consternation among
dairymen, the navigation of the air by
some device akin to our present balloon
would also seem to be prefigured, and
the propulsion of machinery by electric
ity is even now clearly indicated by ther
march of experiment. Thore are some
problems we have hitherto deemed im
possible, but are the mysteries of even
the most improbable of them more subtle
to grasp than that of the ocean cable or
that of the photograph or the telephone?
We talk by cable with an ocean rolling
between we speak in our own voices to
friends 100 miles or more from where
wc articulate before the microphone.
Under the blazing sun of July we
produce ice by chemical means, rivaling
the most solid and crystalline produc
tion of nature. Our surgeons graft the
skin from one person's arm to the face
of another, and it adheres and becomes
an integral portion of his body. W
make a mile of white printing paper,
and send it on a spool that a perfecting
printing press unwinds, and prints, and
cuts, and delivers to you folded and
counted, many thousands per hours. Of
a verity this is the age of invention, nor
has the world reached a stopping place
How Chinese Freshen Fish.
The Chinese are the most ingenious
people in the world. Those who think
Chinese are not up all tricks of
almost all trades reckon vithout their
host. The Chinese knowledge of chem
istry is small, but such as they have is
accurate and practical. They know
how to restore freshness to stale fish,
when they are peddling fish. A friend
of ours tells us about how they take the
imell off from stale fish. The other dav,
this friend being asked by a Chinaman
to buy apiece of salmon, and our friend
refused because the fish was stale. The
Chinaman departed, and was soon of
fering the same piece of fish to another
man, and in the latter instance the fish
seemed fresh and nice. Our friend had
noticed how the Chinaman had perform
ed the operation of restoring the sound
smell. The Chinaman went around be
hind a cabin and gave his fish a bath of
diluted uric acid, which did the business.
This is a positive fact, for our informant
has bought many a pound of fish from
Chinamen, and he was loth to believe
that a Chinaman could do such an act
as to give stale fish a treatment by
means of human distillation. This that
wegive above we have the best authority
.or saying is the truth, as much as we
are disgusted to mention such a thing.
Grass Valley (Ca".) Tidings.
Wife and Partner.
I think men and women will be more
just to each other when their enterprise
is mutual. Germans, the next nation
in force to the Anglo-Saxons, make the
best husbands, because they marry with
sagacity, and if the wife has no dower
she gives labor in place of it. Mv
butcher's wife keeps the books and
handles all the actual shop money.
He markets and cuts all the meat up,
and the same horse that serves the cus
tomers on week days takes them both
out to the park or country on Sundays.
Four pair of hands and two heads are
at work in that family. The woman is
not a peacock, making Broadway inter
esting for the hotel loungers. No won
der they have plenty of children which
never become a burden to the parents.
It seems to me there is anew baby every
time I buy a roast, either just come or
nearly in sight and still that perennial
woman comes out and runs the cash
book, and the very sausages in the win
dow seem to wag the tail of the invis
ible dog within them to welcome her to
the shop.Philadelphia Times.
Two young ladies of my acquaintance
were in Paris last summer, and, after
the manner of most good American*,
they went to Worth to order some dress
es. He looked them over very critical
ly, and then asked them to walk across
the room. They did as they were bid
Mit alas! after thus putting them to
their paces he shook his head and said:
"Ladies, I can do nothing for yon."
He did net think them stylish enough
.to do justice to his dresses. I thought
before they told me this anecdote that it
'was Worth's dresses that made the
'le, and not the style that made
rth's dresses. This is something to
ember,Cor, Philadelphia Record.