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THE ETEXIXG HIISSOUBIAy, THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 1917.
Among Other Things f
King Alfonso has a new relic of
-what almost killed me." A few
jnoments after his motor-car passed
the -Maria Cristina Bridge at San
Sebastian a section of overhead, tram
car cable broke loose and fell to the
ground. His collection previous to
this near-accident contained the teat
0f a feeding bottle, used in an at
tempt to poison him as a baby, a heavy
nie which fell on him when he was
five, a skeleton of one of the horses
killed by bombs on his wedding day
and a part of the landau in which he
vas seated with President Loubet
when his life was threatened in the
Rue de'Rivoli, Paris.
calmly the thought of extinction, found
the Great Hope forcing itself Into his
soul as he drew nearer the end.
Tolstoy's opinion of the kaiser is
enjoyable reading these days. He called Saturday
htm a "narrow-minded. Ill-educated
vain man, with the Ideals of a German
innker. when ne says me army is
ur. w. E. .Meanwell, director of
athletics, announced this morning
mai tne department had secured
special round-trip rates on the Wabash
between Columbia and St. Louis for
those vho are going to the Washington-Missouri
game next Saturday.
There will be a $4.50 rate which goes
into effect at 1:45 o'clock Friday
afternoon and Is good returning from
St. Louis as late at 11:30 o'clock Sun
day night. A $3.00 rate has been made
tor those who care to leave Columbia
on a special train at 7
o'clock returning the same day, leav
ing St. Louis at 11:30 o'clock at night.
The cheer-leaders will no nni if
to take no prisoners in China, but Is very probable that the University
to slaughter every uouy ue is not cadet Band will accompany the team,
put in a lunatic asylum, but people This will be the annual freshman
shout 'Hoch!' and set sail for China team trip and about twenty of the
to execute his commands.'
Herr Landsberg, the socialist, has
discovered what neutral nations hae
known for years. He started a
scene In the Reichstag by declaring
that the junkers and the war profiteers
seek to prolong the war for personal
gains. The war profiteers back the
kaiser, the kaiser backs the war
profiteers and the blame for the whole
thing Is shifted to God Almighty.
The new postal rate will require
the use of the purple stamp, the pres
ent 3-cent stamp, and already nearly
one billion have been printed for im
mediate use. Purple, however, is an
expensiv color and it Is probable that
the Postofflce Department will "change
"the color. Suggestions have been
made that for the Issuance of 3-cent
stamps bearing a new design to
symbolize America's participation in
Fritz Is not a good sportsman. Lieut.
R. W. Simmie. M. C, of the "Third
Battalion of Toronto, says he is not
and that young officer knows Fritz
Intimately, so intimately that he still
carries the scars, such as six shell
fragments in his liver and stomach,
a wound in foot and leg and a mangled
hand. According to him, Canadians
have lost trenches, leaving wounded
men in them. When they retook them
later they found their wounded dead,
stabbed through and through with
bayonets. Soldiers call that murder.
Another habit of Fritz is to hide be
hind shelters and shoot up an at
tacking party until that party is with
in range for hand-to-hand fighting.
Then he throws down his gun and
raises his hands with a cry of
"Kamerad! Kamerad!" He does all
the damage he can, refuses to fight
and then cries for mercy.
iresnman players will be taken. The
athletic department will also give
them tickets to the game.
A lineup new to the closest follow
ers of Tiger athletics this year will
face the Washington Pikers on
Francis Feld in St. Louis Saturday
afternoon. Hider and Collins being
the only two men on the- team as
announced who were on the team that
went up against Washington last year.
The team as announced weighs in at
157 pound, by far the lightest team
in the Valley with the possible ex
ception of Drake, and Is eight pounds
lighter than last year. It Is five
pounds under the regular Missouri
team which will in all probability meet
the Kansas Jayhawkers.
Schulte's tentative lineup as an
nounced today follows: Mattingly. le;
Chittenden, It; Ewing. lg; Bahr,
center; Kirkpatrlck, rg; Urie, rt;
Marshall, re; Stevens, q; Collins, lhb;
Edwards, rhb; Rider f.
The kaiser acting as his own chap
lain while on a northern voyage
surveying Denmark with hunrgy eyes
said, very modestly, "Our ship today
forms His pulpit, and in His name
does the captain (the kaiser) In his
capacity of actual head of the estab
lish, yes, as king of the ship, hold this
service on board." The kaiser still
binds armor plate, God, and himself
in a triple alliance.
"It doesn't go well," says a Canadian
returned from the trenches, "to see
Fritz blow off the top of your pal's
head and then refuse to fight by trying
to call you "kamerad." You can't
get a fight out of Fritz, man to man,
when numbers are nearly even. It is
an absolute fact that he can't stand
Trench warfare Is a serious matter
but human nature demands humor and
now we have trench-humor. One sol
dier was eating a piece of bread with
a little jam on it when an attack
made him drop his "bit" and handle
his gun. Returning to his bread he
found that hens had made a flank at
tack and captured his rations. "A
wretched war," he said as he looked
for the remains. "When I get back to
good old N. Z," says a trencher, "I'm
going to pay a kid two bob a week
to play reveille under my winder. I'll
Just lie still fo rthe first time, and
when he starts to play It again I'll
raise the winder and say: Go to blank,
"When I get to Blighty," says a
soldier at the front, "I'm going to 'ave
a good ole bender ter begin with
'Miss,' I'll say, 'Miss, bring me some
horse duvers, thick soup, fish, chicken,
roats beef and edges, steak an'
onions, peach melba, an' a large, big
bottle of the best. Then I'll smoke a
half-crown seegar, and exclaim:
'Where the 'ell's the band?' "
Don't go into debt, says Frank
Crane. "If I could get Into one
Post upon tho earth all the heart
burning and anguish debt has caused,
It would surely burn a hole straight
through to China. If all the tears
bed on account of debt should flow
together, there would be a cataract
more roaring than Niagara. And if
all the sighs, and groans, and oaths
caused by debt were to unite in one
gust, there would bo a hurricane more
devastating than anything ever In
Cuba, and tornado more terrible than
Kansas or Oklahoma cpuld furnish."
Judging from that, debt Is a good
thing f you stay out of it.
A British officer Is quoted as say-
Ing that he had never seen a single
man in the trenches who questioned I
Immortality. Face to face with death,
no man can convince himself that
death Is the end. Even Huxley, who
in his strong manhood, when his ,
pulses were leaping, could weigh
Ity Associated Press
KANSAS CITY, Mo.. Nov. 15. With
the gridiron race in the Missouri Val
ley Conference entering the last laps
two elevens Kansas and Nebraska
stand out prominently as the possible
holders of the conference title at the
season's close on Thanksgiving Day.
Nebraska, with only two games within
the circuit, has slightly the advantage
over the Lawrence eleven. Kansas,
however, has passed the danger line
with a victory over the Kansas Aggies
the strongest early season contender,
and the Ames Aggies just at the time
the Iowans were showing a real flash
In all probability the meeting be
tween the Cornhuskers and the Jay
hawkers at Lawrence next Saturday
will be the conference, championship
contest. The Nebraska team, will
have the advantage of experience
gained from struggles with Michigan
and Notre Dame, two widely differing
elevens and among the strongest in
the country. Because Kansas has play
ed only teams within the conference
there Is no basis for a comparison of
the strength of the two elevens upon
the scores against the same op
Followers of the Valley conference,
after viewing as "luck" the Kansas 7
to 0 victory over Ames by means of a
Half a Cent a Word a Day
BOOMS FOB BENT
FOR REN'T-One furnished room on
first floor; grate In room, good modern
house. Man and wife or men. preferred.
One-half room for men on second floor.
Rent reasonable. 1201 Paquln, 015-Green,
lL'-l p. m. anil nfter 5 o'clock.
I'OIt RENT Choice front room on sec
ond floor, two single rooms on third floor.
Warm house, hot water day and night.
Only boys of good behavior need apply.
-nr til. cwnA. DhAn. unn.ni.ntr v.ro,
ia ujii oticr;.. uvu. ii.tt-ui.t... n-v.u
FOR RENT Two nicely furnished
rooms, single or en-sulte. Apply at 317
N. 9th St.. or phone 1054-Ked. B-33
APABTJfEXTS FOB RENT
FOR RENT Modern six-room spirt
meet. sleeDlne Dorcn: DriTite entrance:
newly papered; water and heit furnlibed;
'H blocks from Broadway, one-half block
of West Campus. Phone 850-Black.
FOR SALE h. G, Smith No. 2. re
built typewriter. Good as new. Only
slightly used. Phone CSS-Whlte. Wirn
LOST AND FOUND
LOST Tnrquolse ans pean pin. some
where between 140S Rosemary laoe and
east end of University avenue. Phone
123S-BIack. Reward. r-u
FOR our varied calls. Many war vacancies.
Ulssourl Teachers' Acency, Klrksvllle.
WANTED Live mice to feed to THE
OWX, at the Tiger Cleaners. T-fll
HANCINR LESSONS given private or
class. Phone 620 or CM. P-59
The Tv x'. C. A. Employment Hureiu
li.is a few salesmanship propositloux to
offer students. Phone 223.
PHONE Y. M. C. A. Employment
Ilureau for student help. Phone 223.
For Better Photographs
She Studies Engineering
National Livestock Market
rrA,iI0.SAL..8T0CK TARDS. EAST ST.
LOUIS. III.. November 15, 1917. The live
stock market for today was as follows:
Hog receipts 11,000.
Mixed and butchers. S17.30ffm7.CO.
(.ood heavy, 17.55g$17.73.
Cattle receipts 15,000
Native beef steers. $S(g$lG.50.
learllng steers and heifers. $71G.
Stockers and feeders, td08tllM.
rexas quarantine steers, Sa.73S10.C0.
Prime Southern beef steers. $Da.$l-".
Beef cows and heifers, $GS10.
Prime yearling steers and heifers, $-,)
Native 'calves. $j,75e$13.7fl.
Sheep receipts 13,000.
Market, Prospects Higher.
dinners and. Choppers, fZ.Z0$SJi0.
Teachers wanted to fill emereenev
vacancies In all departments. Have
calls for teachers dally. Only 3
per cent commission. Teachers' Em
ployment Bureau, 208-209 C. It. S.
Bank Bldg., Cedar Rapids. Iowa. 12-tf
Plant Bulbs Now.
They have just arrived. A fine
stock of hyacinths, tulips, narcissus.
crocus, etc. Now is the time to plant
bulbs for early spring flowering.
Ptfone 920. Columbia Floral Co. C-49-tf
MNs I sin L) ncii, the First Woman
to Enroll in the School of Engineer
Ing1 in the Last Fifteen Years.
long forward pass, were forced to
give the strength of the Lawrence
eleven more consideration after their
victory over the Kansas Aggies by a
similar tally. Kansas again showed
its ability to fight its way Into the lead
In Its 13 to G win from Oklahoma on
November 3. All scoring in this game
was confined to the second period, the
Lawrence aggregation seemingly be
ing content to win without wasting
energy on superfluous scores.
The real hard luck tale of the Val
ley Is that of the Missouri eleven.
Starting the season with a veteran
backfield, which was last year one of
the fastsest in the conference, the
Columbia representatives have met
with defeat after defeat just when a
victory seemed most imminent. Be
ginning with a 6 to 7 loss to the Kan
sas Aggies, the Tigers have broken
before the rushes of Ames, Oklahoma
The Missouri eleven has had a
hospital list unequalled by any team
In the Valley. The veteran back
field was crippled In the Ames game
and after the Oklahoma game, Bass, a
tackle and Schroeder, an end, were
both out for the remainder of the
season with injured shoulders. The
Tigers are pointing towards Thanks
giving with the hope of being strong
enough to defeat Kansas. Greenwood,
center of the team, has been called
to an aviation camp, leaving that
a SURE tonic
for chilly mornings
S & B Trench
'New Styles are Shown Here First"
Let Holbom make your
We guarantee to please
Telegraph reports of. the
will be given at the
Saturday Matinee 3 P. M.
Always a Good Show Regular Prices
You Must Either
Fight or Farm
II nasn t been getting ennnA f it i
zSSaJS .?. a11 the fat thre is today
Seven Keys to
By Harry R. O'Brien
n an5w?lJ to th consumer's cry for
more and cheaper porK and to the farm
er squestxonat tofeed instead!? tI
' foil wiflwThe ?a?on at have The
iats will last longest this article tells
how we are going to get more fatt
B& COUNTRY GENTLEMAN
The Curt It PublUhlng Company
138 lndpndmnc Square
Spare-time subscription repre
sentatives wanted everywhere.
If you need more money, we
need you. Address as above.
No. 2 Extra Standard Corn 2.75 per case.
No. 2 Extra Standard Corn SI. 40 per case.
a " Where Quality and Sanitation Reign Supreme.' '
The next time you
drop in The Palms
make part of that
order from oursalad
menu. Our Salads
Secure and Private is the
proper place for your
government bonds and
Our steel vaults are the very last word
Our coupon booths are convenient
private rooms where you may lookover
your papers. Rent a box now, only
S 1 per year or up according to size.
B oone County National Bank
R. B. Price Established 1 857
My Superior Equipment, Expert Knowledge
In Testing and Prescribing proper lenses for defective eye
sight together witha modern LENSGRINDING PLANT
on the premises enables me to give you optical service.
second to none, even that of the large cities. Let me duplicate yourbroken
lenses. THE ONLY PRESCRIPTION LENS GRINDING PLANT IN
TOWN. ONE DAY SERVICE.
Office Phone 427 White n. n i Wfllfprc 2I2'2U
Res. Phone 863 Black -" ' " H11C1 S Guitar Bldg.
Palm Beach, Fla
St. Augustine, Fla
St. Petersburg, Fla..
Corpus Christ!, Tex.
EI Paso, Tex.
Fort Worth, Tex. .
San Antonio, Tex.
Charleston, S. C.
New Orleans, La.
Pass Christian, Miss.
Corresponding low fares to many other points in the South
and Southwest. Tickets to points in Texas on sale daily
until April 30th, good returning until May 31st, 1918, and
to other points on sale daily until April 30lh, good return
ing until June 1st, 1918. Liberal stop-over privileges.
Round trip fare to points In California,
going one route, returning another, on
sale daily with nine months return
limit; one way via Portland at addi
For particulars as to routes and stop-over privileges write or call on
J. C. ABBOTT, Agent, Columbia, Mo.
, EARLE LIND, Division Pass. Agent, Moberly
J. D. McNAMARA, Pass. T. Manager, St. Louis