Newspaper Page Text
tr "li,'',w'fl'" ' """'' "W W"rjTr
' --"WfTvf. '
- "" l'' , M
' tj-tt T.a
THE MISSOURI HERALD, HAYTI, MISSOURI
How's Your Ford?
Going right along, of course no need to ask
about its "get-there" qualities.
But, has Henry been acting just exactly right?
If not, don't delay bringing it to our shop at
once. We are Fofd experts and Ford special
ists. We sell Fisk tires and tubes
D. R. DORTCH
W. J. DORRIS
D. & D. GARAGE
New Madrid Uecord: Labi week
.the Republican County Court ol
Howell county unpointed 17 new
now road overseers and took pains
to name only Republicans for those
places. The custom has prevailed
here in Missouri for the past- 50
years not to recognize politics in
such appointments, but under pres
ent conditions, there being a big
hhortago in oillces to be tilled, our
Republican friends had to make
road overbcers political ofllces.
Voileb, organdies, ginghams,
and other pretty materials, at
Seiibible, well considered, well
written, consistent advertibing, es
pecially in the local newspapers, is
admittedly the best means of in
Every business organization be
lieves in advertising and, insofar as
It is able, advertises.
The Now York Stock Exchange,
which for 40 years forbade its mem
bers to advertise, has rescinded its
rulo against advertising, and is ad
vising its members to advertise.
Reuben Bettis of near Pascola
was here Satuidny afternoon at
tending to business.
A Comfortable Feeling
A good many things may happen that will give you a feel
ing of comfort and security, but nothing will do this moro sure
ly than the knowledge that you hac money in the Bank. .
This is particularly true if your money is in our Bank where
you know it's safe. You know it is there subject to your needs.
That you can get it when you want it. That it is safo until
you need it. If you have no bank account, wo invito you to
start ono at this bank now, no matter how small. You will add
to it from time to tlmo and it will soon be a sourco of comfort
and security to you.
BANK OF HAYTI
Our operators, as veil as every other
telephone employe, will be glad to tell
you all about our new security.
Ask any of the 4174
All are selling oar Preferred Stock
and will explain its safety and yield
HERE in Missouri the Bell Telephone Company
has 4174 'men and women a loyal group of
workers who arc proud of their state and
their company. Ask one of them about our new
issue of 7 Cumulative Preferred Stock and how it
is to bo used in furthering the telephone develop
ment of this state.
Invest in a business
with a constant
demand for its
Cumulative Preferred Stock
The price of each share is $100.
You can pay all cash or you can
buy a share by an initial pay
ment of only $5 and the bal
ance in $5 monthly payments.
Ask any of the telephone em
ployes for further details about
this security. If you prefer, con
sult your investment adviser.
w 1 1 I
We see that Rit Bogus of The Clayroot Gazoote is going
to branch out in the magazine business by starting a monthly
he will call The Zebre Camouflage. Rit announces that Wil
liam Shakespeare will" be one of the paper's regular contribu
tor. After a nice long rest of some 300 years Mr. Shakes
peare should be able to give us some pretty snappy stuff. We
also note that Elbert Hubbard and Ralph Waldo Emerson will
assist Mr. Bogus with his editorial work. Bogus certainly has
an eye to business while other magazine editors are paying
fancy prices for series and articles from live writers he is getting
the best from all the- famous dead scribes and it isn't costing
him a cent. If we were sure we could connect up with Jules
Verne and O. Henry and a few other dead ones on the same
terms we might be tempted to start a magazine ourself right
here in Owl City. We certainly do pull off lots of literary
stunts in this opening of the woods.
Punk Wiseaker, a stockman of near Swifton, relates a
strange story of the death of a calf on his farm last week. He
hired a wandering fellow from the city to work on his farm and
ordered him to salt the cattle. The fellow had never been on
a farm before, and he took the salt bucket and rubbed the salt
in the hair on the back of the calf. The other cattle smelling
the salt, and so many of them crowded around the calf, crazy
for salt, they licked and trampled it to death. Mr. Wiseaker
then licked the tramp, and the last he saw of him he was head
ed down the Frisco at a clip of two-forty a minute, going back
to the city.
-Without knowing anything about it we would be willing
to wager our birthright against a setting of goose eggs that
them Caruthersville lawyers haven't found out yet which is the
gorilla and which is the monkey, and we think they would
come no nearer the solution by appealing to a higher court.
It will have to go down in the records as one of the unsolved
Sport for sport's sake is rapidly going the way of the dodo
bird and the paper collar. The only purveyors of real sport
are the amateurs and they are nearly all professionals. Ah,
well, if the worst comes to the worst we can all take to shimmy
ing, but we hold our breath when we come to think how we
would lokk cutting the pigeon wing in a shimmy.
Rit Bogus, editor of The Clayroot Gazoote, is suffering
from a bad case of the gout. Grpat Scott! He must be liv
ing high on coon meat and froglegs. Who ever heard of a
country editor with usually but one meal a day, being afflicted
with gout? Gout's not for country editors; that's for rich
people, exclusively bankers and the like.
When you go out to Cypressflat Church next Sunday to
hear Parson Pharo preach, when the hat is passed don't bother
the collectors about making change. Let loose and listen to
the merry jingle of the coin as it rattles upon the patter. The
recording angel will ring up the extra change and place it to
Now that Tomatocan Willie who officially filled the job
of town brick-presser here for so many years, has got back
from Mexico where he was accidently carried by going to sleep
on a mule train, the next problem of our town dads is how to
get rid of him again.
The oldest Odd Fellow is dead they say. The oddest old
fellow is still alive and kicking. He was in our office Tuesday
and said "Politics didn't cause these here hard times."
And we must not overlook the greatest of all labor pro
blems which is called the labor of love. But nobody is putting
in eight hours a day at the work.
I cannot sing the old songs
I sang long years ago ;
But I can sing a little rag
Entitled: "Row, row, row."
The "Old Arm Chair"' is out of date,
And likewise "Nellie Bly;"
"Oh, Meet Me at the Garden Gate,"
And "Comin' Thro' the.Rye."
I cannot sing the old songs,
Because I don't know how;
But I can rip the gizzard out
Of "Fido Is a Hot Dog now."
"Could I Recall That Night in June,"
"Upon the Danube River,"
I cannot sing, but I can croon :
"Oh, Baby How's Your Liver?"
"The Harp That Once Through Tara's Halls,"
The soul of music shed,
Now hangs as mute as Tara's walls
As if that soul was fled.
Instead of Moore's old melodies,
That rippled like a flute,
We have the syncopated wheeze
And Tara's harp is mute.
Alas! It hangs upon the wall,
It's soul of music fled;
And, Thomas, take it all in all,
You're lucky that you're dead.
B M Ji 1 111 1 i A I I
TURU.JH If I A AL
In a new package that fits the pocket
At a price that fits the pocket-book
The same unmatched blend of
TuRiiisii. Virginia and BuRLEYTobaccos
SfoJfanrtJ&csZ? .fff FIFTH AVE.
JU MBWTORM CITY
INJUNCTION AGAINST NEGROES.
Last week George H. Pruter,
potentate of Arabia temple of
Shrlners at Houston, Texas, obtain
ed a temporary injunction of nation
wide importance before Judge Ew
ing Boyd of Fayette, Mo:, restrain
ing negro Shriners, so-called, thro'
out the United States from wearing
the Shrine emblems and from using
names peculiar to the Shrine for
-Renew your Herald subscription
J. W. Green and family autoed
over from Caruthersville Sunday af
ternoon for a brief visit.
Filters, flower pots,
and jars, at Buckleys'.
Big and little St. Charles; shelled
and graded. Price per bushel
Delivered to Hayti or Caruthersville,
Mo. Satisfaction guaranteed.
L. H. GALE,
FOR QUALITY MONUMENTS, SEE
E. D. JOHNSON,-
Phone or Write Him
Work Erected Any Plr.ce. Designs Cheerfully Furn
ished to Those Interested.
I - ., i vTTM"-v-jy 'MPWitfilii .j.
Why Pay Rent When
You Can Own a Home?
Four Years Time To Pay For
Home Without Any Interest
Fred Morgan is making it possible for a limited num
ber to buy and pay for them the same as rent. He
has eleven from 4- to 7-room houses in desirable loca
tions, with insurance paid for a period of three years;
all taxes paid, and a warranty title, for sale on the fol
lowing attractive terms:
CASH $100.00. MONTHLY PAYMENTS FROM
$12.00 TO $36.00 PER MONTH
Don't let this opportunity pass
for further information see
S. P. Oates