Newspaper Page Text
B. H. ADAMS, Publisher.
ago there was
a grand brick
i ng in the
midst of a
street old gar
den, on one
of the pleas-
antest sites of the famous Richmond
hill. It had once been the residence
of a noble family, but it was at that
time only a celebrated school for
young' ladies. The house itself was a
plain, substantial brick one, and there
were plenty in the vicinity that in
every point excelled it; but nowhere
was there a garden of gTealer loveli
ness than its high brick walls shut in.
This was especially so in the morn
ings and evening's, when the alleys
and thr hazel walks and the woodbine
arbors were full of groups of beautiful
young English girls girls with flow
ing brown hair and eyes as blue and
clear as heaven, and faces innocent
and fresh as if each face had been
made out of a rose. But even where
all are beautiful, some one will be
found loveliest of all, and Laura Fal
coner was the acknowledged belle of
the upper class.
She was nineteen years of age, but
she still lingered at Mme. Mere's
school, partly because it had been her
only home for five years and partly
because her guardian considered it to
be the best place for her until she was
twenty-one, when she would receive
her fortune and become her own mis
tress. So Laura remained at madame's,
studying a little, but ttill having a
much larger amount of liberty than
that granted to the other pupils. This
liberty permitted her to shop with a
proper escort and also to pay frequent
visits to acquaintances resident in
Richmond and London.
On one of these excursions she had
met Ernest Trelawny, and it is of this
gentleman she is so confidentially
talKing to her chief friend, as they
walk in - the loneliest part of the gar
"I am so glad, Clara, that we met
Iiim this afternoon; 1 wanted you so
much to see Ernest. Is he not hand
"I never saw such eyes, Laura! And
figure! And his stylish dress! Oh-, I
think he is so grand and so well, so
mysterious-looking, as if he were a
poet or something."
"And then his conversation, Clara!
He talks as I never heard any one else
talk so romantic, dear!"
"Oh. I think you must be a very
happy girl. Laura! I often wish I had
some one to love me as Earnest loves
Laura sighed and looked up senti
mentally. "You have a father and mother,
Clara. I am quite alone. Ernest says
that is one reason he at first felt as if
lie must love me."
"What would Mme. Mere say?"
"Madame most not know for the
world, Clara. She would write to my
guardian. Oh, Clara, I am going to
tell yon a great secret! Ernest and I
have determined to run away to Gretna
Green and get married."
"Oh-h-h-h! Laura, how dare yon?
Madame will be sure to find it out.
She never looks as if she knew things,
but she always does. When are you
"To-night. Ernest will be waiting
with a carriage at the end of the gar
den wall. I have bribed cook to
leave the kitchen door unlocked, and I
shall go through her room and down
the back stairs."
Thus, until the nine o'clock beil rang,
the two girls talked over and over the
"I HAVE HAD A DREAM, DEAR 0IRI
same subject and never found it weari
some, and when they bade each other
a gcod night in the long corridor it
was a very meaning one. They were
both greatly impressed with the ro
mance of the sitnation, and timid little
Clara envied and admired her friend,
and could not sleep for listening for
the roll of a carriage and the parting
6ignal which Laura had agreed to
make on her friend's door as she
Then Laura made her few prepara
tions and sat down in the moonlight to
wait for the hour. She thought of
all her favorite heroines who had en
acted a similar part, and tried to feel
as they were asserted to have felt.
She rose and laid her bonnet and
mantle ready, but, in spite of her ro
mantic situation, she was really
chilled and nnhappy and conscious o
a most unnatural depression of spirits.
Just then the door opened softly,
and Madame Mere, with a candle in
er band, entered the room. She was
a very small, slight woman, with a
grave, lovable face and a pair of won
derful eyes. In their calm, clear light
lay the secret of her power over the
fifty girls whom she ruled absolutely
with a glance or a smile. She came
gliding in more like a spirit than a
woman, and putting the light down,
""Laura, I have had a dream, dear
girl a dreadful dream and I am
afraid. Let me stay here with yon."
So she sat down and began in a low,
trembling voice to tell of Laura's dead
mother; of her pnre lofty womanhood,
and of her love of her child. Laura
scarcely heard her; the time was going
faster, it was close upon midnight, she
must make an effort at once. So, dur
ing a moment's pause, she said:
"Will madame try to sleep now?"
'Yes, I will put out the light, and
we will both try."
"First, will madame permit me to go
to Clara's room? I have left my things
there. I shall not disturb anyone."
In a moment madame's attitude
changed; her eyes scintillated with
light; all the caressing tenderness and
sorrow of her voice and manner were
gone. She was like, an accusing spirit.
"Down on your knees, false girl,
whom no memory of mother's love
could softeti Down on your knees,
and let your prayers strengthen the
bands of those good angels who are
fighting your evil genius this very mo
ment! Pray as those should pray
whose purity and honor, whose very
life and salvation hang upon a villain's
word!" And, drawing the girl down
beside her, she watched out with her
those dangerous midnight hours.
At 2 o'clock Laura was left to weep
out alone her shame and her disap
pointment. Madame had kissed and
forgiven and comforted her with such
comfort as was possible; but vouth
takes hardly the breaking of its idols.
and it was bitter and humiliating to
hear that this handsome Ernest was
better known to the police courts than
to the noble houses he talked about,
and yet that she had chosen his soci
ety and had been willing to become
his wife. Madame had not spared her;
she had spoken plainly of a gambler's
wife and of a thief s home of shames
and horrors Laura trembled to recall
"I had willingly kept you ignorant
of such things, for the knowledge of
them takes the first bloom of purity
from a good girl's heart; but, alas,
Laura, if you will go forbidden roads.
you must at least be warned of the sin
and the sorrows that haunt them."
Laura was ill many days afterward.
Madame had indeed forgiven her, but
it was hard to forgive herself, and for
a long time even a passing memory of
her first lover brought a tingling blush
of shame to her cheeks and a sickening
sense of disgrace and fright to her
It was ten years after this event, and
Laura, with her two daughters, was
driving slowly across Cannock chase.
The pretty children sat on either side
of her, and she drove the ponies slow
ly, often stopping to let the little girls
alight and pull a bluebell or a handful
of buttercups. During one of these
stoppages, as she sat, with a smile on
her handsome face, watching the hap
py little ones, some one, coming from
behicd, touched her rudely on the
arm. She turned and saw a man in
grimmy leather clothing, with an evil,
cruel face, at her side.
Supposing him to be one of the men
employed in her husband's iron works,
who had been discharged or who
wanted help, she said:
"Well, what is it, sir?"
The man answered curtly:
Then Laura looked steadily into the
dirty imbruted face. And in spite of
soot and scars and bruises, she knew
"Mr. Trelawny, why do "
"Bosh! My name is Bill Yates. You
fooled me once, my lady, but you will
pay me for it now. I've" been lagged
since then sent across for seven years
only got back six months since.
Glad I have found you, for I won't
work any more now. Come, I want a
fiver to start with."
"A 'fiver?' "
"Yes; a five-pound note."
"I shall not give you a penny."
"Then I shall take one of them lit
tle girls the voungest is the pretti
est" "For God's sake, don't go near my
children! I will give you the money."
"I prefer the money, it will save me
the trouble of selling the child to the
Laura hastily counted out the sum;
there was seven shillings more in her
purse, and the villain said:
"I'll take the change, too. Shall I
lift the children into the phaeton?"
"Don't touch them! Don't look at
them! Oh, go away! Go away!"
"Go away, indeed! You were glad
enough once to come to me. I have
your letters yet. It would be a sweet
thing to show them to your husband."
"You had better murder me."
"I have half a mind to; but it suits
me better to keep you for my banker.
Re here next week with five pounds
Lseven shillings, and every week after,
I . -1 m . 1 . ! -. I T " 1 1 . .
until lurLiier uuiiuc, ur trise j wuiaiciii
yonr child and send them letters to
your fine husband."
Then, with a threatening scowl and
the shake of a clenched fist in her face,
he went away, taking with him all the
joy and peace out of poor Laura's life.
She now lived in constant terror,
and such a dreadful change came so
rapidly over the once happy, hand
some woman that her husband was
exceedingly anxious, both for her
health and her reason. What did she
do with the unusually large sums of
money she asked him for? Why did
she go out riding alone? Why would
she not suffer her children to leave
their own grounds? Why could she
not sleep at night? Why was her once
even, sunny temper become so irri
table? Why did she search his face so
eagerly every night? These and twenty
other anxious, suspicious questions
passed through his mind continually,
but he hoped that by ignoring the
change it would disappear-
Alas! Things got worse and worse,'
and one day, after ten miserable
months, he was sent for from the
works in haste. Laura was raving and
shrieking in the wildest paroxysm ol
"Where are the children? Save
them from that man! Henry, please
take him five pounds no, he wants
ten pounds now, and I can t get it"'
In such piteous, moaning ejacula
tions she revealed - the secret terror
that was killing her.
Rut perfect love casts out fear and
jealousy, and Laura's husband did her
no injustice. Tenderly he nursed the
poor, shattered wife and mother back
to life again, though it was an almost
hopeless task with that nameless hor
ror ever beside her. One night, when
she was a little stronger, he led heron
to talk of the past, and he was so lov
ing and so pitiful that in a flood of life
giving tears she poured out to him
the whole miserable story. Then the
burden fell from her life, and she
dropped happily into the first sweet,
healthy sleep she had had for nearly a
year. She never asked again for her
tormentor; she only knew that he had
disappeared from South Staffordshire,
and joy and peace came back to her
heart and home.
Rut one day, after the lapse of four
years, she received a dirty, anonymous
letter full of threats and insolent de
mands for money. This time she went
at once to her husband with the
"Don't be frightened. Laura," he
answered. "I know the fellow. He is
one of a gang of four who have just
come to Sackctt village. He will be
in jail before to-morrow night. This
time he shall not escape my venge
He had scarcely finished speaking
when a couple of men ran up to the
"Measter! Measter! Here be Dim-
mitt's height slewered away and
there's a 'crowning in!"
The iron master leaped to his feet
and was soon following the evil mes
sengers to the village. He knew that
Sackett was all undermined with pits
and workings, and it was possible the
whole village was in danger. The dis
aster was right in the center of it, and
he was not long in reaching the grea'
THE MASTER LOOKED BLANKLY.
yawning chasm, where the earth had
given away and down which two cot
tages, with their inhabitants had gone.
As soon as the master appeared the
pitmen and ironraen gathered round
him, though all knew that succor or
help was perfectly hopeless.
"Where is Uum'by?"
"Here I be, measter."
"What mine was under this?"
"Dimmitt's, measter, worked out"
"Is it deep?"
"Six hundred feet"
"Dry or wet?"
The master looked blankly at the
"It's the third 'crowning in, i' my
time. T' last were in to Cavill's mine.
Six decent families went down at mid
night; they were dashed to bits on t'
rocks at bottom."
"Do you know who lived in these
"'One were empty, thank God. Four
strange lads that worked i' Sackett's
mine, had t'other; they nobbui worked
there a week, they wor glad to get
shut on them at end of it"
'Do you know their names?"
"I know, measter," said Michael
Raine, the publican, "for they owe me
for a week's beer and 'bacca the score
is set ag'n' John Todd, Tim Rlack and
' 'Bill Yates?" Are you sure?"
"Sure to certain of that name,
measter, for he said he wor come special
to get upsides wi' you."
Then the ironmaster turned thought
fully home, and as he kissed his wife,
"Bill Yates is deai, Laura. My
vengeance has been taken from me by
Him to whom vengeance belongetb.
You may rest safely now, darling."
"But oh, Henry, what a destiny
might have been mine!"
"Don't say 'destiny,' Laura. Oui
choices are our destiny. Nothing is
ours that our choice have not made
This is a true story, and I tell it tc
many thousands of young girls with
just as much earnestness as Laura told
it to her daughters, to show them that
clandestine love affairs are alwayi
highly dangerous; for a passion that
is cradled in deceit is pretty sure ta
end in sin or shame or sorrow. Amelia
E. Rarr, in X. Y. Ledger.
Kind Hearted Maiden (fishing foi
a stray penny in her purse) "1 sup
pose you poor blind people feel your
misfortune keenly." Blind Mendicant
"Yes, indeed. The Lord only knowa
how I miss the pleasure of being able
to look into the beautiful faces of the
handsome and lovely ladies who are
kind enough to donate." Kind Hearted
Maiden (fishing out a quarter) "Here,
poor fellow, take this. I'm sure yon
are deserving." Arkansaw Thomas
Lulu B. George, a wall paper de
signer in New York, drew a Chinese
pattern which proved so popular that
300,090 rolls of the paper have been
RAILROADS IN SPAIN.
They Prut the Traveler Abandonee at
Tin to View the scenery.
A Boston traveler in Spain writes .
"The Spanish people are the most am
iable and obliging people in the world.
Their courtesy is of a genuine nature
and touches the heart in the way Gal
lic suavity never does. We have often
stayed at inns where no language bu1
Spanish is spoken, and, with a very
limited vocabulary, have got on ex
tremely well, owing to the quickness
of sympathetic understanding and
pleasant tempers of the people. You
can not order about or bully even a
Spanish . servant They all are
conscious of descent from the old
Christians who drove out the Moors,
and that is, in their notion, a rathei
more ancient and important lineage
than 'coming over in the Mayflower.'
Rut call one of them 'you' instead oi
'thou' in his native tongue, address
him as 'senor,' give him a cigar, il
you're a man, or a tJracias for thanks,
if you are a woman, and the service is
faithful and devoted, almost too de
voted at times for people not accus
tomed to take off their boots to have
them cleansed after a walk at ten
o'clock in the forenoon! Traveling in
Spain is a matter of increasing fa
cility. "The trains are slow according tc
our rushing American ideas, but why
should one wish to hasten too rapid
ly through beautiful or pictur
esque scenery? It is worth while
to take ten minutes to pass a love
ly waterfall or mountain gorge. The
railroads, and their slowest trains are,
at all events, a vast improvement both
in speed and in comfort over the dili
gences of the days when there were no
railroads in Spain. For out-of-the-way
travelling they are still common
enough. In Granada we saw the dili
gence come rolling in from Lanjaron in
the Sierra Xevadas one day, and it
looked old and time-stained enough tc
be the one that Granada knew, in the
days of Washington Irving, sixty years
and more ago. The first-class carriages
are all good on the railways; the second-class
vary, apparently according to
luck, from the quality of an English
fourth-class up to the upholstered
comfort of a German second-class.
For night travel (and the long
journey over Don Quixote's plains
of La Mancha, between Madrid
and Cordova, is usually made at night
in the express trains) there are nice,
funny little sleeping-cars, or the pas
senger may have a private belina a
sort of half coach for 10 per cent, ol
his fare extra, where two people, with
traveling-rugs, may sleep in elegant
and secluded comfort. This is over the
Madrid, Saragossa & Alicante road, or,
rather, the Zaragozaroad, as they spell
it on the spot, and the initials of the
M., Z. & A. constantly remind the
American who knows the west of the
M., K. & T., though how perverse the
association which hitches the Missouri,
Kansas & Texas, even in thought tc
the line from the wonderful picture
gallery of Madrid to the battle plains
of Saragossa !" Boston Transcript
WAS HER OWN MILLINER.
A Washington Woman Whoe Taste fot
Tulip Bads Got Her Into Trouble.
A comical experience of a friend of
mine may be cited as a warning to
other women who meditate defying the
milliner by original methods of bonnet
Looking from her window one Sun
day morning when it e tulip trees were
in bloom, it flashed upon her mind
that one of those yollow and green
striped buds would be just the touch oi
color needed at the back of her new
black lace bonnet the present somber
ness of which did not please her. Two
buds were finally secured, and nestled
down in the lace, where the effect was
Pleased with the result of her ex
pedient, the bonnet was donned, and
my friend serenely made her way down
the aisle to her pew in blissful uncon
sciousness of the sensation she was to
create ere she left the church. As the
service progressed all thought of the
tulip bud passed from her mind as com
pletely as though it had never existed
to tempt her errant fancy.
Gradually, however, she became con
scious that a great amount of sur
pressed laughter was going on in her
immediate vicinity during the sermon.
Annoyed that she should have her at
tention distracted, my friend turned
upon the offenders with a look of stern
All to no purpose, however, for af tet
each such silent rebuke the evidences
of mirth seemed to increase. She re
turned home at the conclusion of the
service, and, while descanting to her
family upon the irreverent behavior ol
the people behind her in church, she
took off her bonnet
As she did so she gave a gasp, for the
mystery was explained. There on the
back of her lace-bonnet where she had
pinned a couple of sleek, closed tulip-
buds, were two gorgeous flowers,
which, in the warm atmosphere of the
church, had gradually opened to per
fect bloom. Kate Field s ashington.
A Night Alarm.
Madame Salomon Laws amussv '
Isaac, Isaac, don't you hear? There'
somebody snoring under the bed. It
must be a burglar.
Mr. Salomon Hush ! Rebecca; nc
noise, let him sleep; we 11 charge hin
for his lodgings to-morrow morning.
"So she jilted you," said the sym
pathetic friend. "Yes." "Did she give
any reason?" "She did. She said it
was because of her philanthropic na
ture; that it was better to make a great
many men happy by being engaged to
them than to make one miserable by
marrying him. W ashington Star.
"Why do you snppose everyone
stares at ns so?" Madge "I fancy
they're trying to read the cost mark
that you forgot to take off yonr hat"
Miss Frances E. WUlard has re
ceived the degree of LL.D. from the
Ohio Weslevan university.
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.
According to the Catholic Herald,
there are about 132,000 colored Catao
lies in the United States. -
A new porch and towers are to bt
added to Trinity church, Eos ton, an
object for which the late Bishop Brooks
George E. Hardy has been electee
professor of English language and lit
erature in the College of the City oi
The number of educational institu
tions of one kind or another in India is.
put down in Chambers Cyclopedia
(1892) at 134,000.
Gen. Booth of the Salvation army,
and his captains of either sex have
been officially declared to be ministers
of religion within Mnn meaning of the
It is claimed that a college gradu
ate's chances of obtaining a fair degree
of eminence arc as 250 to 1 as compared
with the men who have not been t
It requires a sum of upward of 10,
000 a year, -volnntarily provided, to
mantain and educate the 500 fatherless
children of the Spurgeon orphans'
Dr. Buckley says he once attended
a service in a Presbyterian church
where every man present, except him
self and the preacher, was asleep, and
every woman was awake.
A striking proof of the growth of
the missionary spirit is seen in the
'act that Australasia has recently sent
missionaries to Ceylon. Africa. China
and Japan. Chicago Standard.
The recent parliamentary elections
in Japan have resulted favorably ti
the friends of Christianity and the poli
cy of encouraging foreigners. The
fact of being a Christian has not oper
ated unfavorably in the case of any
A sister of the late Mr. Spurgeon
preached twice recently to- crowded
congregations at the handsome church
in Hampstead road, in connection with
the service. Her manner is impressive,
and she bears a personal resemblance
to her eminent brother.
The diplomas received by the re
cent graduates of Radcliffe college will
some time possess great historic value.
They are the first to bear the signature
of the president of Havard, which they
do in addition to that of Mrs. Agassiz,
president of Radcliffe.
Rev. Sam Rettis, cowboy evan
gelist, thus sums up the results of hU
recent revival at Ray City, Mu-h.: "I
had over 8.000 conversions. 1,236 old to
pers signed the pledge, 8362 was raised
for expenses, $.00 clear for Sam, and
0,000 people were fed free meals."
The business college idea in educa
tion, which has taken so firm r. hold of
the popular mind, is not a sudden
growth, but is a natural devi-'opment
of the industrial conditions and re
quirements of our time. The fact that
our ordinary schools and colleges did
not prepare for practical business life
gradually became apparent and thus
the business school grew up to supply
Seven Chaldean priests from east
ern Turkey have come to this country
to beg money for rebuilding a church
in their native land. Some showed a
letter of introduction, in very bad
French, said to be from the bishop of
Mesopotamia. Others claimed to be
Presbyterians. One said that he came
from the city of Van, in Asia Minor.
At first there was some hesitancy about
allowing them to land, as they ap
peared to be very like paupers. They
were, however, at last released.
HE GOT THE PLUME.
But He Was Not &fl Happy Afterward a He
A ludicrous incident occurred in one
of the prominent churches in this city
on a recent Sunday which is liable to
cool the churchgoing ardor of the young
man in the case and be a feature in the
experience of the young lady that she
will not soon forget
The young man, immaculate in a
long coat, light creased troBsers and
spotless linen, was ushered to a seat
directly in front of a bewitching-and
stylishly dressed young lady, on whose
curly head reposed an elaborate and
expensive model of milliner's art, the
principal feature of which was a very
large and beautiful plume.
When the good dominie commenced
his long prayer the young man's
thoughts were evidently on his fair
neighbor, and consequently be neglect
ed to assume an attitude of reverence.
Not so with the young lady. She
immediately bowed her head on the
back of the seat in front, and the plume
of her hat brushed the back of the
young man's neck.
Thinking it a fly. he tried to scare it
away with his hand: but. like the cat,
it "came back" with the persistence of
a book agent, and after several vain at
tempts to keep it off his neck visions of
centipedes, scorpions, tarantulas and
other poisonous monsters filled his
With desperation born of despair, he
made one grand grab, secured the
troublesome object, gave a quick,
strong jerk and landed the gorgeous
plume in his lap.
Of course the young lady was sur
prised and indignant, and the yonng
man was so embarrassed that he forgot
to apologize at the close of the service
Rochester (X. Y.) Democrat.
Opposed to Coercion.
The knight of rest slipped into the
backyard as if he had been guilty of
some offiense, and putting an empty
tomato can out of sight under his tat
tered coat, he approached the portcul
lis of the kitchen and tapped on it with
his halidoin. In response, a wiry-haired
girl, with a towel tied around her head,
made her appearance.
"Well?" she said interrogatively, as
she took his measure with her eagle
"I just thought I'd strike you for
breakfast," he answered apologetically.
"We don't believe in strikes in this
neighborhood," she said emphatically
ab'l slammed the door with a bang that
knocked the dust ont of his toga.--Detroit
PERSONAL AND UTErMrTY.
Women are undoubtedly the largt
majority of the readers of America. Ia
no other country Is reading so wide
spread in practice as it ia here, M
Mme. Gasimir-Perier ia an accom
plished charming woman devoted ta
her children, of whom she bas two
daughter of fourteen and a boy some
George ManvRle Fenn, the novelist
of adventure, is now sixty-four year
old. He does not look his age, bow
ever, for be bas a tall, light, active fig
ure, thick, fair hair and beard andkeea
Berry Wall now bas charge of an
uptown broker's office in New York and
solicits trade among his acquaintances.
The "ex-king of the dudes" has devel
open into a business man of consider
able ability. "
While s a student at Oxford Mr.
Gladstone was one of the competitors
lor tne Ireland scholarship, but tailed.
"Desultory leyond belief," is what the
principal examiner wrote on Glad
A brotherly tribute which is credit
ed to the prince of Wales, is his reply
on one occasion, when he was asked
who was the cleverest woman he had
ever met His answer was prompt:
"My sister, the Empress Frederick."
The only sister of Thomas Carlyle
is living near Toronto, Can. This is
Mrs. Janet Carlyle Hanning, the widow
of Robert Hanning, who came to Cana
da and became a railroad man after
having failed in business in England.
A Parisian amateur book collector,
M. Georges Salomon, has the largest
collection in existence of the smallest
books in tbe world. In the entire list
of over seven hundred little volumes
none of them is larger than - one inch
wide by two inches high.
The new dictionary of the Bible,
planned by the late Prof. Robertson
Smith, is to be edited by Professors
Cheney and Dr. J. Sutherland Rlack.
Professors Toy, G. F. Moore and Fran
cis Rrown will represent the United
States on the staff of contributors.
Prof. Guidde's book "Caligula,"
which is supposed to refer to Emperor
William, has had a wonderful sale in
Germanj'. Over 150,000 copies have
sold already, and three printing estab
lishments are kept busy supplying the
demand. The work is now in its twenty
The Third Folio Shakespeare sold
recently in London brought the highest
price,$2.175, ever paid for a copy of this
particular edition. It is stated in En
gland that this copy is unique in the
possession by the seven doubtful playy
of a separate and independent title
page, dated 1604.
Rehanzin, the king of Dahomey, is
said to have a high and intellectual
looking forehead. He looks every inch
like a royal personage, and is usually
dressed in a flowing blne-and-black
striped gown, a Venetian hat and yel
low sandals. - His meals are prepared
in European fashion, roast fowl being
his favorite dish.
Julian Hawthorne, who went witb
bis wife and seven children to Jamaica
several months ago, writes back that
he has concluded to pass the rest of his
life there. He is located on a planta
tion near Kingston, aad growing erange
and citron-trees and coffee, and inci
dentally writing something which ht
hopes "will interest oar great-grandchildren"
Reported Conversations "What!
said the grass, "ia love again?" "Yes,"
replied the egg, "I'm mashed oa .the
Her Children. Justice O'Halloran
"Have yon any children, Mrs. Kel
ly?" Mrs. Kelly "I hav two livin' an
wan married." Boston Home Journal.
Ranks "What do yon think of the
story about Jonah being three days in
side of the whale." Tanks "It's a
good thing; I've given my wife worse
excuses than that"' X. Y. World.
Counsel for Defendant True, yout
honor, my client did call the plaintiffs
donkey, bnt at tt-e present high mar
ket rate of those valuable animals is
this not rather a compliment than oth
erwise? Fliegende Blaetter.
The Difference in the Morning.
Qnericns "Was that their silver wed
ding." Cynicus "So they announced;
but when they come to examine the
presents they will be more likely to
call it a silver-plated one." Puck.
Flossie "I'm afraid to go to sleep
all alone in thedark." Mamma "Yon
go right to bed like a good little girl,
and remember that God's little angels
are with yon." Fljssie (ten minutes
later) "I can't go to sleep, mamma. I
guess one of God's little angels is biting
me." King's Jester.
A Pleasant Definition. "Jack,"
said a yonng girl to her bean, "here's a
piece in the paper headed 'kismet'
What does 'kismet' mean?" "The
word must be pronounced with the t
silent" "Why.that wonld be 'kis mer "
said Nettie. "With the greatest of
pleasure," replied Jack, and he did.
An Astronomic Theory. "This pa
per says thet a new star hez been dis
covered," said Mrs. Corntossel, as she
laid down the weekly paper. "Don't
believe it," replied her husband, who
has been rather dyspeptic of late. "Ill
bet it's nothm but another hole thet
these pesky rainmakers weth their
shootin' hez made in the firmanent"
Our Decadents. Flipbutt (the fa
mous young art critic) "Clio! What'l
this pencil sketch I've just found oa
this easel?" Our Artist "Oh, it's by
Fiumpkin, the impressionist fellow all .
yon young chaps are so enthusiastic
about, you know. Clever, am t it?"
Flipbutt "Clever! Why, it's divine)
Such freshness, such naivette! Such a
splendid scorn of mere conventional
technique! Such a" Our Artist
"Ullo, old man! A thousand pardons.
That's the wrong thing you've got hold
of! That's just a scribble by this little
scamp of a grandson of mine. His first
attempt! Not very promising, I feart
bnt he's only four!" Punch.