Newspaper Page Text
B. II. ADAMS, Publish!-.
'-''Li the officer.
chuckling-. "lie's ironed hand and
f.jot, for fear of accidents; but mind, if
he puts for you, yell, and I'll let you
So the policeman threw open the
"Prisoner, here's your lawyer, and I
warn you, if you smash him you won't
The door swung to behind me, but so
dark was the cell that at first I could
see nothing- of "Mr. Jones."
"Good afternoon ahem:-' said I,
feebly. One never knows what may
happen in the Hitter Root City jaiL
"I ain't going to hurt you," prowled
the prisoner. "Sit down; make your
self at home."
The voice was manly, resonant; the
man was a young athlete; I could just
eee that his boots were the dainty,
hiph-heeled Wellingtons of a cowboy,
while the rest of his dress a sombrero,
shirt, overalls, a broad web belt and
silk handkerchief around the neck
bore out the character. The man's
presence already brought up some faint
memory; indeed, I felt that I knew
him, but not under the surname of
Jones. Surely this sunburnt younp
frontiersman was some old friend!
'I can't offer you any refreshments.
Mr. Lawyer, said the bov, drowsily.
"The accommodations, in fact, are slim
very slim. Why," he woke up; "what
the deuce are you staring at?
' "Jack Brancepeth," I ventured,"don't
you know me?"'
"What? Williams, major? Ilurrah!
Shake, you duffer:"
It was not easv to shake hands, for
my old schoolfellow was shackled.
&jreadeagle fashion, to the bed.
ies, ne laughed; they ve got me
rped for branding, and then they'll
clip mv ears and corral me all by my
self, lest I corrupt the good manners of
the other victims."
"Well," said I, frankly, "it jolly well
serves you right. A fool who amuses
himself shooting the stock brokers on
on 'change ought to be "
"Smacked," said Jack. . "I knocked
out three deputy marshals, damaged
one sheriff, bored a few holes through
things generally. I wish I could chew
up some more police, by way of dessert.
I feel as happy as a chip."
"Look here, we're civilized people in
Bitter Root Citv; we're not used to
"Well, you don't amount to shucks
as you say. Look here; I want you to
let down the bars of this corral I've
"How can I get you out? Don't you
see these stockholders are not used to
being shot at?"
"Yes." he eroaned; "that's what's
the matter. I've offended their little
local prejudices. Hut that's all right.''
"All right for state prison." I ex
plained. He only chuckled.
"Well, I did ruffle them up some.
Hut, as I say, that's all right. I ll tell
you the straight 3-arn then you can
turn it into the right kind of lies and
have them sworn to. See?''
"Go on," said I.
"Well, to legin with, I got me a
tract of meadow land up Wild creek,
back of liranehville, Idaho do you
know the place? No? Well, I stocked
the ranch out of what I'd saved with a
shorthorn bull by Climax, together
with thirty-nine head of scrub cattle
and a band of ponies. Since then,
whenever I've happened upon maver
icks unbranded cattle, you know
I've adopted the poor orphans, clapped
on my little Q that's my brand and
turned 'em into the pasture. There's
been some satisfaction in annexing old
Silas Hewson's calves, but even then it
ain't over and above square dealing,
besides which it's slow work building
up wealth out of strays. So, I suppose
one hundred head all told would make
up the sum of what I had last fall.
though since then I've been laying by
my thirty dollars a month cowpunch-
aj for the 'Square Triangle outht
iown Boise way, which money I've put
into improvements on my Wild Creek
"You seem to have been on the
"Yes." Jack heaved a Great sigh, "but
me deuced tough. Why, I've sworn
iwi potter, quit getting arunK, even
I tried to worry along without cussing."
' Bot why all this virtue?"
n ' aon t yu see yu in rou
-pUpimj rm i iove-"
was all for Kitty's sake."
Me my girl. Say, do you know
oii man Hewson down to Idaho
"5t, the capitalist who floated the
iae same. A right smart silver
proposition is the Grubstake. Why. I
guess the old man must be worth his
cool five million dollars now. Anywav,
he's got six head of young fillies that
there ain't the like of west of the Hit
ter Root mountains, calkers, and awav
up at that."
"I should smile. Out of the very
best Virginian. There's Kittv. Saph,
Matred, Nehushta. Zebudah and
Mehitabel. all raised on the ranch, all
attended the same school at Wild
"School:" I howled; "do you mean
the man's daughter?"
"Well, rather! You see a man needs
lots of wealth to pretend to any of
these girls, for Silas is like them Old
Testament chiefs who 'd see lords and
dukes sniffing around the lodge and
let the dogs at 'em because they ain't
kings. She's too good anyway for a
common scrub cowboy like me. Oh,
man. but you should see her sit a buek
ing horsel She's like the west wind
riding a cloud, with the bright hair fly
ing around her head and her eyes like
stars. The broncho tears up the
ground, but she laughs as she drives
home the spur, and there's no fear in
her. I've fought two men for fooling
around her already one with rifles on
horseback; he's in the hospital; the
other shooting at sight with guns, but
I hunted him out of the country."
Jack Hrancepeth always was hand
some, but now, as he laughed in tri
umph, I felt that Miss Kitty had no
need to rue her choice, for this gallant,
simple, boyish lover had the face of a
"Yes, that's why I've Wen trying to
keep straight. Why, I'd be a mangy
hermit if I couldn't make myself good
enough for her. But, as she said, the
old man would never let me have her
unless I'd lots of wealth. I tried hard
enough, but then we'd been engaged
more or less for two whole years with
out making my pile."
"But," said I, "this doesn't seem to
have much bearing on the present
"It hasn't, eh? Well, you reach your
hand into the left pocket, of my belt
and you'll find her letters. There,
that's right: now read the one on top."
So I found myself glancing over the
first of a batch of letters in a fine
round schoolgirl hand like a string full
"Dear Jack: If you want me don't be a fooL
Here's pa favorinjr Daddy Louglefirs. who wants
me awful bad. He's plven Daddy Longles a
straight tip how to muke his fortune. Pa told
him that they've jut found a tremendous lot
of silver in the (irubstake mine: but the prin
cipal owners are lying low. and saying bad
things about the mine until they can rope in
all the stock, whatever that means. Anyway,
they've broken down the pumps on purpose to
let the works get flooded, so as to hide what
they've found. Daddy Longlegs has sense
enough to speculate in Grubstakes; you
"Yes." continued Jack. '"Kitty's pret
ty straight goods, and when she means
a thing she says it. If Daddy Long
legs had one thousand dollars, I was
worth two thousand dollars; at least,
that's what I realized in hard cash by
selling my ranch to a tenderfoot. So I
rode down here to Hitter Root City, went
to Kitty's uncle. Hi llewson. the stock
broker, planked down my roll of bills
and said: 'Buy Grubstakes.' "
" "You hadn't ought to buy outright,
says llewson: "you should cover.
"What's thai?' said I.
"'It means,' said he, 'that you plank
down your money, I run the show; if
the stock goes up. I sell out when you
think that you're pretty well fixed for
life: if the stock goes down two thou
sand dollars' worth, j-ou lose all you've
" 'I'll gamble,' said I, 'with all I can
hold down by sitting straddle.'
"Well, vou should have seen the
brokers guying Hi Hewson in the inin- I
ing exchange, and afterward I heard
them talking among themselves in the
" 'What,' said one smart Aleck, 'you
think Hi Hewson's working for
Silas, eh? You must think Silas P.
Hewson's gone loco! The old man con
fessed only last week to a friend of
mine that the mine's played out. Why,
the works are chuck ablock with wa
ter, and no tunneling facilities to drain
it: the pumps have broken down and
of the real pay ore there isn't a dollar
A level head has old man Silas,'
says another: 'as to Hi Hewson, he's
roped in a sucker who thinks he can
gamble some fool of a cowboy, he
There was another sucker last
week. says smart Aleck;''Daddy Long
legs, they call him planked down one
thousand dollars on a falling market,
he! he: Well, he's busted now cover
all run out.'
At that thev all diank a toast:
'Long live the suckers;' but well, I
"Now read the second letter," said
Jack. I read:
"You're a daisy. Daddy Longlegs has
come bark dead broke, and his language Is
just disgraceful. Hold on. keep a tight hold.
Jack, for pa says he'll soon be letting the cat
out of the l ax. so if the stock Roes down any
more you must keep a good heart and bold on.
"That's all right," said Jack, "but
by the time I got the letter on Monday
morning my cover was running out,
too. Says Hi: 'It's all your own fault;
you never took the trouble to ask my
advice or you wouldn't have bought till
to-day;' but that was poor consolation,
for I was like to be as big a fool as
Daddy Longlegs. When the exchange
closed on Monday the Grubstake was
quoted at forty-three, and if it went a
point lower my two thousand dollars
were lost Read the third letter." It
"Hold on to the stock. You needn't have
been jealous of Daddy. He ain't in It: never
was. tor I love you, old boy. On Wednesday
morning the news will be in all the papers that
the Grubstake was flooded on purpose to keep
the secret of a great bonanza. Your stork will
be worth a fortune. Hold on for my sake, dar
ling. Hold on for all yo u're worth.
"At that I plucked up courage," said
Jack, cheerfully, "sold my horses, sad
dle, rifle, 'shaps,' lariat, spurs, coat,
watch, everything, and planked down
the cash with Hi Hewson. I could hold
now, he told me, till the stock dropped 1
to forty and one-half, but if it went
below that I was lost.
"On Tuesday I went to the mining
exchange building with my heart in
my mouth. The stock opened at forty
three, then a little was sold at forty
two, and at noon it stood at forty -one
and one-half. Scared almost crazy. I
grabbed hold of a reporter, stood the
drinks and loaded him up with news.
I told him to say in his paper that the
llewson outfit was bearing down the
market, that Silas had flooded the mine
to hide his bonanza until the moment
came to shout. Hut the reporter made
out that the next edition came out at
4 o'clock, aud the exchange closed at
" "Get out the posters early,' I told
him, 'bribe the printers, work the ropes
somehow, and if 1 win my game I won't
"The reporter winked, and started to
write out his wivs: but when the mar
ket opened again in the afternoon there
seemed to be no hope left, for the
stock was at forty-one and one-quarter,
with only three quarters of a point be
tween me and perdition.
"Prom where I stood iu the public
gallery I saw the brokers whispering,
for a rumor had got wind from the
printers that made them crazy. Some
of them were offering forty-three,
forty-four, even up to fifty for (i rub
stake stock, but there wasn't a dollar
for sale, "f was old Hewson's broker
that started the counter rumor, making
out that the newspaper yarn was some
fool's canard or else a tale gotten up
so that the holders could sell out in a
hurry. I was paralyzed when the bid
ding stopped short. I didn't know one
more move that could save the game.
I was ready to kill myself.
"Hi Hewson sent up a clerk to say
he hated to see me ruined I'd better
"It was decent of him. but I told the
clerk to go to blazes, and further, be
fore I'd throw up my hand like awhite
"At three o'clock came a telegram
from Kitty that said: 'Be brave. Pa
has bought all the stoek he wants and
wired his broker to quit "Waring." '
"Oh, man, but she was worth light
ing for. She's an angel out of Heaven,
and I'd rather have died than broken
faith with her.
"The clock was going so slow that it
seemed to have stopped. Five past
three, ten past, quarter past three; the
stock at forty-one. Twenty past
three, twenty-three past! I was saying
rny prayers with my revolver ready in
my hand for death if I lost the game.
There was a commotion down below in
the hall a rumor was spreading
through the crowd, till it rippled up
into the gallery, and I heard the news
the Grubstake syndicate bankrupt!
"I knew it could only be a lie gotten
up by old Hewson's broker. I knew
that in another moment the newspaper
"I FIRED AT HIS FtXGEKH.
posters would le fastened up at the
door. I knew that if the market held
still another three minutes I'd saved
"The fool at the blackboard was
marking the closing prices on Tigers,
Poorman, Ceur d'Alene, Eagle of Mur
derers' Bar, Grubstake. He'd wiped
out the old figures to writedown Grub
stake at the price of a bankrupt mine;
the brokers were yelling like demons;
the place shook with the uproar; the
clock ticked at twenty-nine minutes
past; the fool was writing the figures
that meant ruin despair death!
"Raising my gun. I fired right at his
fingers, missed, fired again, but the
fool was gone. I fired again and again,
then once again, and flung my revolver
at the blackboard across an empty hall.
Yes, I'd stampeded the brokers, I'd
stampeded the whole confounded bunch
the ruck of thein was screeching
with panic against the doors and I
stood alone in the gallery. The game
"What matter if I did get excited!
WUat matter if I did knock a few
deputy marshals out of the gallery?
What matter if I did damage a city of
ficial or a few dozen or score?
'The news is out; I've won me a wife
and a fortune: I'm boss of the range;
and Kitty shall live like a queen be
cause I love her because I've loved
her like a man and she's mine!" All
t he Y'ear Round.
A Martyr to Sealskin.
"It is hard," observed a woman the
other day, "to be reduced to a sealskin
"What do you mean?" was the puz
zling query of the friend to whom she
"Why, I am an example of exactly
what I mean. Thia jacket of mine is
perfectly good and so handsome that I
don't feel that I can afford to buy an
other expensive wrap. It was made
three years ago. and the sleeves are
not large enough to accommodate the
present style of bunffant waist under
neath. 1 have been consulting a fur
rier, and he tells me that it would cost
forty dollars to have a few inches of
new fur put in them. That I cannot
afford, either, for a mere whim oi
fashion that may go 'out' by another
season So I am obliged to wear an
old style waist underneath my coat
and wait for better times." Philadeh
MEN AND WOMEN.
Ths Traits That Each Sex Admires In thi
There is a certain something, which,
for want of a better name, is called
womanliness, and it is that which
makes woman attractive to men. A
great many virtues go to make up this
Men like, in the first place, amiabili
ty in a woman. They like a pleasant
appearance. They like the doing of
little things that are pleasant to them.
They like the courtesy of the fireside.
They like women whose lives and faces
are always full of the sunshine of a
contented mind and a cheerful disposi
tion. They like ability to talk well,
coupled with a proper appreciation ol
the charm of timely silence. They like
a motherliness large enough to under
stand the wants of the older as well as
of the younger boys. They like a
natural disposition to speak good
rather than evil of anv human being-.
They like sympathy, the ear that lends
itself willingly to the tale of sorrow or
gladness. They like a knowledge of
how to dress well which, by the way.
does not mean conspicuously. They
like intelligence, but they prefer that
the heart should be stronger than the
brain. They like to find in a woman
companion one who has sufficient
knowledge of the world and its ways
to talk well with them: who is inter
ested in their lives, their plans, their
hopes; who knows how to give a cheer
ful word, or to listen quietly, and by a
tender look express the grief which the
heart is feeling. A man may some
times say that children are a bore and
a nuisance, but he will shrink from a
woman who declares her dislike of
them. A man expects the maternal in
stinct in woman, and is disappointed if
he does not find it. Men like women
to be affectionate; there never yet was
a man, no matter how sttrn, how cold.
how given to repressing his own feel
ings, who did not like a loving pres
sure of the hand or a tender kiss from
the woman nearest to him.
Women, on their part, like manly,
not womanish men. They like hones
ty of purpose united with considera
tion. They like men who believe in
women. They like their opinions to
be thought of some value. They like
a man who can be strong as a lion
when trouble comes, and yet, if the
woman in his care is nervous and
tired, can button a shoe or draw off a
glove or smooth a pillow with unob
trusive helplessness. They like a man
who can even master a baby, convinc
ing it of his power and reducing it to
subjection and sleep when its natural
care-taker is unstrung and helpless.
Thej' like a man who, however large
his own concerns, is interested in their
new dresses, and can give an opin
ion on symmetry, color and fit.
They like a man who knows
their innocent weaknesses and ca
ters to them; who will bring home a
box of fruit, the latest magazine or the
clever puzzle sold on the street, aud
take his part in entertaining the house
hold for an evening. They like a man
who is master of every situation, who
can help a woman decide what is the
best thing to do under perplexing cir
cumstances, and who has wit enough
to realize, when one of their sex is
slightly stubborn, that persuasion is
more powerful than argument. They
like a man who likes them who doesn't
scorn their opinions, who believes in
their good taste, who has confidence in
their truth, and who, most of all,
knows that the love promised is given
him. That's the sort of a man a woman
likes, and her every sigh of gratifica
tion is a little prayer: "God bless him."
Kate Field's Washington.
"And you reject my offer?" he said
to her, intensely. "You refuse to be
the one woman in all the world to
"I'm afraid so," she confessed rather
kindly, for she meant well.
"Then, I have but one thing to say to
you, madam," he said, reaching for his
"I am sure you have my permission
to say that. What is it?"
He drew himself up to his full
"There are others," he replief
haughtily, and passed out of the game
Detroit Free Press.
A Doe That la No Slouch.
"Speaking of dogs," said the hunter
at the grocery store, "my dog is no
slouch. I was out fishing with him at
Sabatis pond the other day. I was two
fish shy of a mess and they wouldn't
bite. Said I to the dog: 'Scotty, I'd
give a dollar for two more pickerels.
The dog gave a leap, dove eight feet
into the pond, was gone two minutes
and came back with one pickerel in his
mouth and the other hanging to his
fore leg." Lewiston Journal.
An Awful Fate.
Little Duplex (caught in the act)
Doan' whop me. mommy, doan' whop
me! All I teched wuz a weenty bit ob
dis ras'berry jam!
Mrs. Coonby (sorrowfully) An' dat's
de jam, chile, wot's de cause ob all dis
pen-de seed-us wot's goin'roun'. Chilel
Chile! T'ink ob habing ras'berry
bushes growin' in yo' insides! Puck.
A WlM Provision.
Little Ethel (who has been looking
it pictures) When boys goto Heaven,
they just take their heads an' put
wings on them, an' they fly around
Little Johnny Wot's that for?
Little Ethel I guess that's so they
can't fight. Good News.
Maude That Swattles girl is wildly
.nfatuated with her new chum, that
Molly Jamesby. What does it mean, I
Madge It means that Molly has t
brother. Chicago Tribune.
A Negative Acconpllshment.
"Has Miss Gildinsrby any accom
plishment?" asked the young man.
"I should say so. replied her en
thusiastic admirer. "She can refuse to
play the piano and stick to it." Wash
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.
In Labrador there are 1,329 EekW
The Congregational Educational
society has educated 3,00s) ministers
France has a compulsory elemen
tary education, yet out of 343,000 young
men called out for military service
20,000 could neither read nor write
and 55,000 more could only sign their
At the McCormick Theological
seminary eighty-three of the divinity
students are the sons of farmers, thirty-one
of ministers, twenty-three of
merchants, three of lawyers and three
Eight hundred years ago, in 1895,
the first crusade was started at Cler
mont in Auvergne. The anniversary
will be celebrated with great pomp
this year, and the pope has granted
the indulgence of a Jerusalem pil
grimage to all who visit Clermon, "on
condition that they pray for the return
to Catholic unity of the separated ori
The onlv distinctive Russian edi
fice in the United States was dedicated
recently at Streator, 111., by Bishop
.Nicholas, of Sitka, Russia. The serv
ices were impressive, lasting five hours.
The church is built entirely of wood
which comes from Russia, and is the
remains of the Russian vestibule in the
Manufactures' building at the World's
fair. The congregation there num
bers over two hundred.
Bishop Williams of Connecticut,
the oldest member of the American
house of bishops of the Protestant
Episcopal church, ia known in this
country and England as one of the
wittiest men of the century. He is a
great reconteur, and his supply of
good stories is inexhaustible. He has
1 Yankee humor that, combined with
great scholarship, makes his conversa
tion peculiarly fascinating.
The Missionary Review of the
World estimates the total amount con
tributed to foreign missions last year
at $14,700,000, beside $1,500,000 raised
on the field itself. The missionary
force including native helpers, num
bers 53,143. There are 1G,C02 stations,
I,0Sl,i03 communicants of mission
churches, and 2,744,955 native Chris
tians. Last year there were 57,555 ad
ditions. These are great results.
How a Boston RelJe Taacht Two Vaj
Yonths a Lesson.
It was a Back Bay tea. The room,
prettily decorated with ferns and
plants, afforded many a coign of van
tage from which one couM in retire
ment view the company. Indeed, you
might have placed yourself behind the
big rubber plant in the corner and
been absolutely unnoticed by any one.
And that was just what Miss Chandler
did. She had been talking earnestly
for ten minutes with a couple of
youths, one of whom, Mr. Boynton,
had just gone off to bring up another
friend. Miss Chandler had asked
youth No. 2 to take her into the corner
for a rest. Now he had left her and
she was sitting there in silence listeu
ing to two voices on the other side of
the rubber plant.
"I say, Jack," she heard Mr. Boyn
ton say, "don't you want to meet - a
"Is she pretty?"
"Well," said the clerical Jack. "If I
must, I must. Trot her up." And tht
two vanished from the hearing of Mis
They did not have to search long foi
her. In a few moments they found her
the center of an animated group of
men; all of appeared somewhat fas
cinated by her flashing brilliance of
looks and speech. But the advent of
Jack brought about a startling change.
Immediately Miss Chandler become ob
livious of all but Jack. To him she
directed all her remarks and glances
and that young gentleman's spirits
rose as those of the others sunk. His
monopoly lasted just three minutes.
Then Miss Chandler turned to Boy n
ton. Jack's social sponsor:
"Now," she said, "trot him offl
How Jones Was Made Senator.
"How was it that yon elected Jones
to the senate?" I inquired of a well
known member of the Arkansas legis
lature. "Well," he answered, "you see
it was like this: I was leading the fight
against Jones, and it looked at one
time as if we had some show of whip
ping him. Hut his wife saved him. He
asked me himself why I voted for him,
and I told him straight out, just as I
told the boys on the floor. I told about
hearing Mrs. Jones sing the 'Old Cabin
Home,' and how it make me cry to lis
ten to her sweet voice; how it made me
want to see what sort of looking man
her husband was a man whose wife
could sing like that. I had never seen
Jones. Just as soon as my eye lit on
him I took a fancy to him. I saw that
be had a head like a washtub, and I al
ways liked a man of that sort. So I
turned over and voted for him. When
I told the boys of the legislature about
the "Old Cabin Home' some one cried:
'Sing it!' and pretty soon the whole
house was joining in the music. That'
the way Jones was elected." N. Y.
The Disappointing Greeting.
"About half the people on this ship
are going back 1o America with sad
hearts," said a German on board a
westward-bound German steamer one
day last summer. "We have, most of
us, been back to Germany to see our
old friends, and we are disappointed
because they all seemed more eager to
know how much money we made in
America than glad to see us." Boston
"Do you believe in woman's rights?"
asked the American young man. "Cer
tainly." replied Lord Doddleby. "Mr
fiancee has half a million in her own
right, and I condlder it deuced charm
law in her." Washington Star.
PERSONAL AND LITERARY.
The Japanese mikado is a man ot
much energy and endurance, in spit
of the fact that he is a great cigarette
smoker. He is fond of outdoor sports,
and has warmly encouraged the intro
duction of football into Japan. He ia
a hunter and fisherman, and is quite a
good shot with a rifle. His devotion to
lawn tennis is marked, and he wields a
very clever racquet.
The late Dr. Oliver Wendell
Holmes left an estate appraised at
$73,117.32. The personal estate is esti
mated at $67,117.32; the real at $5,000.
A copyright owned by the deceased is
put in as of an unknown value. The
personal property consists principally
of stocks and bonds. The value of the
books in the library and reception
rooms of the residence is fixed at
Kate Field says she thinks that
Worth made for her the only dress
that he ever made of American ma
terial. She took him a piece of Ameri
can satin for the purpose and at first
he refused point-blank to touch it.
"The manufacturers at Lyons would
never forgive me," he said. "They
would accuse me of treachery." But
eventually Miss Field's persuasion pre
vailed. Oscar Wilde is a walking epigram
factory. When an idea comes into bis
head that seems available as a disguise
for truth he writes it down at once. It
doesn't matter whether he is at a state
ly dinner party or in conversation at a
club. His pad and pencil are always
with him, and the pockets of his clothes
are never free from slips of paper con
taining startling paradoxes clothed in
That nursery tale which has
charmed generations, of children and
their elders, known as "Blue Beard,"
was written by a French author. The
original of the character of Blue
Beard was a marshal of France, who
lived in a Brittany, and who was
charged with murdering several wives
and over one hundred children. Being
convicted of sorcery, he was burned.
A singular peculiarity of his hair and
beard was its inky glossiness, which
in a certain light appeared of an indi
go tinge, and so won him the appella
tion which has rendered him immortaL
A story of Rochefort is revived on
the occasion of his return from exile.
When Victor Hugo was in exile in
Brussels he asked Rochefort to stand
godfather to his son Charles. Roche
fort accepted, and in looking - for a
suitable present saw in a curiosity
shop window a silver table ornament
which attracted him and which he
bought, though the price was 35,000
francs. When after 1S70 Rochefort
was sent to New Caledonia and his
property confiscated, Victor Hugo sold
the ornament for the benefit of Roche-
fort's family. It turned out that it was
the work of Benvenuto Cellini, and it
brought in 200,000 francs.
Newwed "That's a perfect angel
of a cottage. Don't you think so?"
Bride "Well, it certainly has wings
if that's what you refer to." X. Y.
Mrs. Sraallwort "Isn't that band
playing 'Wearing of the Green'? Mr.
Smallwort "How can I tell? You
know I am color blind." Cincinnati
He "Do you know that I am over
ears in love with you?" She "That'i
just what your brother said." He
"Ah! but mv ears are larger than
his." Pall Mall Budget.
The clucking hen with little chicks
Can't talk, nor does she care.
Yet when she in the garden strays
She teaches man to swear.
Lawyer "Then I understand yon
to swear, witness, that the parties
came to high words?" Witness "No,
sir; wot I say is, the words were par-
ticularv low." Tit-Bits.
"I rise to a question of personal
privilege!" exclaimed -an agitated lady
member of the Colorado legislature.
addressing the speaker; "is my hat on
straight?" Burlington Hawkeye.
"What is this I hear about you
folks talking of dismissing your minis
ter?" "O, he is too slow. We have had
him nearly a year now and he hasn't
given us a sermon on Napoleon yet."
At the Police Court. Judge "Yon
have been arrested for being a tramp.
Then you have no employment?"
Tramp "I beg your honor's pardon.
bnt yon are mistaken. I do the blind
man." Texas Siftings.
Visitor "And is your mistress so
very ill? I am exceedingly sorry. Do
they think she will die to-day?" Man
servant "She be very bad, mum; but
she can't die to-day. This is cook's day
off." Boston Transcript.
"I have always wondered," solilo
quized Uncle Allen Sparks, "whether
the resolute expression of George Wash
ington's mouth wasdue to the firmness
of his disposition or to the fact that
his teeth didn't fit him." Chicago Trib
une. His Deficiency. Tom "Why didn't
you go back to college?" Dick "De-
ficiert in mathematics. Tom "How
did that happen?" Dick "I calculated
that I could kick the ball clean over
the goal and I didn't reach it by twenty
feet." Detroit Free Press.
Here are two or three anecdotes of
German children: It was at a large
party. A gentleman had the misfor
tune to break a glass. Little Lena,
who was standing near her mamma.
raised herself on tiptoe and whispered.
loud enough for all of the company to
hear: "And one of the borrowed ones,
too!" Later in the evening the hostess
gave one of her little - daughters a nice
apple. "Now give your mamma a kiss,
there's a dear," said the child's uncle.
"I'm not allowed to when she's painted
her face." Little Paul was sent with
a bunch o f flowers to the manager's
wife ion her birthday, and waited in
silence after he bad been dismissed.
Lady "Well, my young man, what
are yon waiting fort now?" Paul
"Mamma said I was not to ask for a
piece of birthday cake, bitt wait till I