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I). H. ADAMS, I'abltuber.
CAPE GIRARDEAU. - MISSOURI.
-0, golden heart a-grleamlng In tho grass
On a fair morn o' May,
1 stoop to touch you softly as I pass
Along the common way.
"Thlnkine of one blue-sky and white-cloud
M'hm, free from vexing care.
3 pulled and curled your stems in childish
And wove them in my hair;
Or breathed across your phantom seed
With wonder and delight
"To see jou. spirit-like, rise in the alr
And vanish out of sight;
UeHevir.K while I watched your shining
The brocdlnir, blessed Power,
Hystericus end silent as the liaht.
Would brins you back, a flower.
-Ah, sweet child-trust that bides through
sun and shower.
In v.iadcm all unskilled:
After Ions E'orms will come a fateful hour
Vi hen It shall be fulfilled.
Hope's w!n?d seeds, through all the years
rioom In thir wayside grass,
'The liower comes back and with heart
Ve bless it as we pass.
Anne L. Muzzey, In X. T. Sun.
THE CHUJiCH MILITANT.
BY BARKY PAIS.
As I passed the vicarage, I thought
that it looked a likely place. I walked
on a few yards, and then it seemed
to me a pity not to see if the place was
as good as it looked. So I went back
and aked at the bad. door if they could
.give me a job of work.
The kitchcmiiaiu said there was no
work for me, and sue was not inclined
to talk. Hut she fetched me some bread
and cheese, and I had a chance to looK
round. I marked the seuilery window;
it was out of siirht of the road, fas
tened with the usual simple catch. with
no "oars or shutters. A regular invita
tion a window like that is. It seemed
to me a oiie-niaii job, and just a.s y ood
"that night as any other night.
So that night, by half-past ten, I was
in the shrubbery of. the vicaragV gar
den, smoking my pipe and watching
the house. There was only one light:
it was in the study windows downstairs
At 11 o'clock that light went out and
another appeared in the upstairs win
dow. "Thai's all right." I said to my-t-elf.
'Tarson's finished writing his
sermon and gone up to bed." When the
whole house was dark, I v ent round it
once or twice, jusi to see how things
lay. I couldn't find anything better
than the scullery window, but that was
itite pood enough. 1 was impatient
to begin, but I did r.ot consider it safe
to start work until half-past twelve.
"The window gave me more trouble than
I had expected; the catch was very
BtilT, and I had nothing but my pocket-
inife to force it back with. However.
I got it back at last and ojened the win
dow very slowly, an inch at a time, mak
ing no noise. Then I got in.
I no sooner got my f-ct down on the
scullery floor than I was knocked head
long, and found a la-stone weight on
my chest- I asked it. speaking under
difficulties, to get off ag-.in. I was a
hit daxed. for I had come doivn hard
and bi!inied my h-ad, but I saw the
only thing to do was to sham drunk,
end I spoke thickly. I undid one end
of mv collar, pulhd my hair over my
forehead, hung my lower lip, and put
on a bleary stare, l'.y the time that
man had got off my chest, struck a
match on the heel of his boot, and lit the
cindle behind him. I looked a complete
drunk if ever any man did.
I could see now that tlx" man who
had knocked me over was llev. Wil
liam Lake himself. And the more I
look.-d at him, the more I felt sorry that
I had :ver come.
Weil," he said, "vou dirty little
g-ingei-headed, two-penny haif-enay
icouiidrel, what are you doing here?"
1 hiccoughed and answered: "Thor
thish was my housh nummer twet-ny
Villetsh Terrish. Ain't thish ri'?"
"That won't do," he said; "I lizard
you round the house an hour ago or I
rhouldn't have been here waiting for
you. Besides, drunken men don't
open windows that way. You're not
drunk. Drop it."
I thought about it for a moment, ajid
6aw that there was a good deal in what
lie said. So I dropped it. I fastened
my collar again, sat up. and pulled otl
"Very well," I said, "then what's the
I suppose he saw my hand slipping
-round, tor he said, qmckly: "Have you
"Bless you, no! I only "
rfore I could finish he was sitting
on me egain. I tried a smash at him,
but he caught my wrist and nigh broke
it. After that I didn't try again. It
wasn't only that he was bigger, heavier
and stronger than most men; he was
quick as light, and you could never
tell from his eye what he was going to
do next, lie went all over me carefully
a;id took my knife, and the shooter, and
my jemmy. Then I saw that the game
"What a Billy little liar you are!" he
As I have said, I saw that it was all
op, and I couldn't make it any worse.
I was a good deal disappointed, and I
had been roughly handled, and alto
gether I was not in the sweetest temper.
6o I spoke oat. I said that I did no:
want any (adjective omitted) preach
ing1 from a (substantive omitted) like
himself. All I asked was what his (ad
jective omitted) move was,
"If you swear any more," he said, '1
Shall be compelled to cause you consid
erable physical pain."
I had a bumped head and a barked
- elbow. I was fairly copped, and my
temper got the better of me again. It
waa foolish of me, but I may have
thought that he, being a parson, would
not actually strike m;. Anyhow, I said
that if he wanted to know what he was
I could tell him. I did tell him in four
words. I omit the words.
Never in my life have I had such a
thrashing as I got then. He hit only
with the open hand; if he had used his
fists he'd have killed me. There was no
getting1 away from him, and no giving
him anything back. It was ding-dong
all over my face and head until 1
dropped in a heap, bleeding like a pig.
and nearly sick. It finished me.
"You're boss," I said. "You can give
your orders. I only w anted to see."
He stood there smiling, as if he had
rather enjoyed himself.
"Pick up your boots," he said, "and
put them on."
On entering the window I had my
boots hanging round my neck by the
laces; they had fallen off when he first
knocked me over. While I was putting
them on he turned back his cuffs and
washed his hands at the sink. When he
had finished he pointed to the sink.
"There you are," he said. "You can
I was bieedig from my nose.and from
a cut lip. but the cold water soon
stopped that. When I had finished he
asked me if I was all right.
"Pretty well," I said. "I'm a bit
shaky on the legs that's all. Y'ou
gave me a good doing."
"Take the candle, then, and go in front
of me into the study. I expect you
know the way." Of course I did. Show
me the outside of any house, and the
inside is no puzzle to me.
He picked up my knife, the revolver,
and the small jemmy, and followed nie
into the study. He lit the lamp, gave me
the knife back again, and locked the
revolver and the jemmy away in a
"And r.ow." he said, "won't you sit
down?" He spoke to me a.s if I were a
lady visitor. I sat down, and he. taking
a chair opKsite me, began to till a little
old clay pipe.
"I really can't mak this out," he said,
"you're so small and clumsy. You've
got a nasty t.-mper, but you're not very
plucky. What on earth made you thin";
of trying to be a burglar?"
"I don't know," I said. "P.ut then V
one thing I'd like to ask you, and no dis
respect. What made you think of "neing
a parson a man of your build and
strength, and so handy with your fists?
I ask pardon, but you might have done
He didn't seem to take that as check
at all. For a moment he didn't answer,
and sat stickim? his little clay. Then he
sighed and said: "I have sometimes
thought so myself. Hut it is quite cer
tain that you might have done better.
How did you come to this?"
"I hail no bringing up, and I read
penny trashy novels."
lie tapped his foot impatiently on th"
carpet. "Well, well go on."
"Then I was led away by bad com
panions and took to drink and gam
bling', and not knowing what it was to
have a mother's tender "
He got up and interupted me. "Now
drop ail that," he said. "I want facts;
tell me the story of your life. How did
you come to this?"
Partly from admiring the man, and
partly from whim, I did not tell him the
story, ajid told him the plain truth too.
It was pretty strong, but I left nothirg
out. and he never stopped me. When I
had finished he thanked me.
"Then," he said, "coming of decent
people, end with a fair education and a
good chance in life, you none the les-;
have been from your earliest boyhood
just about as bad a.s you are now bad
ail through always bad."
"That is about the mark," I answered.
Then 1 thought to myseif that it would
be one of two tilings either he would
take m? out and hand me over to the po
lice, cr else he would ask me to join him
in prayer. I expected the latter. He
did neither. He walked up and down
the room, with his hands In-hind him.
saying to himself: "And I preach ser
mons sermons sermons'." Suddenly
he smiled again in that queer way of
his. "You've kept me up very late," he
said, "and in consequence I've become
uncommonly hungry. What do you
say? Will you come and help me to get
us some supper? Very well. then, come
quickly. I don't want to wake the rest
of the house."
So I went with him into the kitchen
and carried things from there into the
study. He laid the table clean, white
cloth, silver forks and everything of the
best. There was a cold game pie, a ripe
Stilton, and a bottle of Uurgundv. I
never had a better super in my life. He
passed me everything I wanted and filled
my glass. For the life of me I couldn't
"Now then," he said, "what's amusing
"I was only thinking, that's all. It
seems a queer way for a person like you
to treat a chap like me. I came here to
crack this crib, you fairly get me, and
no word about the police never a
word. First you give me a thrashing
and then you give me supper."
"Well, you can't deny that you want
ed them very badly. What else should
a parson have done? What did you ex
pect? Tell me honestly."
"Speaking honestly, I expected more
talk more parson-talk, you know."
"And what do you mean by that?"
"Why, the sort of thing I was always
hearing when I was a boy about the
sinfulness of it, and repenting, and
"Io you think it would do you any
good if I talked like that ?"
"Nor do I." He changed the subject
then, and told me that there was a good
chance for work at F.nton mills. They
were short-handed there for the mo
ment, and he could give me a line to the
foreman. "You tell me," he said, "that
you are interested in machines, and
know a little about them; that might
help you. If you can do anything at all
special anything, for instance, in the
way of repairs, when some trifle foes
wrong they'll sooa find it out. Smart
men that go there stop, and work their
way up. It's the rarest thing for them
to be short-handed in fact, you're in
I thanked him, of course. I had
meant, if he let me off, to go to Enton.
P.ut I had no intention of going near the
mills or getting regular work of any
kind. However, I did not want to worry
him by telling him that I preferred my
own way of living, especially as he
seemed so pleased with the idea about
the mills. After supper he sat down
and wrote a line or two to the foreman,
whom he seeind to know well. As ha
was writing it. the clock struck three.
"You w ill start at once," he said, "so as
to be there early. Y'ou won't be able to
work that day. after being up all night,
but you can begin work the next day.
It's important that you should apply
early, before everything's filled up."
I thanked him again, and asked him
to put me on the right road. What I
wanted was to get him out into the
dark. He came out of the house with
me. showed me which turn to take, and
said good-by. "Come and see me again.
I have much more to say to you when
the right time comes." 1 thanked him
and said good-by.
I walked until I heard his front door
shut, and then I ran just about as hard
as I could go. I passed one policeman,
and he tried to stop me, but I dodged
him and got away. I was on the out
skirts of the village then, and once past
him I had a lonely country road and
nothing to fear.
Y'ou see, while I was on my back I
had noticed the parson's watch chain.
I took care not to look at it again, but I
kept it in my memory. While he was
saying good-by to me in the dark I got
an easy chance. The parson's gold
watch and chain were in my trousers
pocket, and he never had the least
notion when I took it. My notion was
now to get to Enton aloiit five, and take
a workman's train on to Waterloo.
I chuckled to myself. He'd called me
a ginger-headed scoundrel, stopped me
swearing, spoiled my little game and
given me a thrashing, but I had the bet
ter of him in the end. There was his
watch and chain in my pocket, and in
less than four hours I should be hand
ing them over to Ike and getting three
or four sovereigns for them.
As I walked along it gradually began
to grow light, and somehow or other I
lost my spirits. I stopped chuckling;
the more I thought about the neat way
that I had scored off "that parson the less
I felt inclined to laugh about that cr
anything else. I got angry about noth
ing. It may seem queer, but I was
angry with the parson for having stood
out there in the dark, close against me,
and given me my chance. I called him
all the names I could lay my tongue to
for his foolishness. I w as just as angry
with myself, though, for no sensible
reason. Then I began tc get nervous
and took fancies. thought I heard steps
coming after me, and imagined there
was a policeman waiting to catch me
behind every big tree I passed. I didn't
enjoy that walk. I wished to heaven
that parson had taken me out by the
scruff of my neck and handed me over to
the police when he first caught me,
though I don't know why I wished it.
"Who wants this blooming ticker?" I
said out loud, pulling it out of my pock
et. "Strike me if I don't pitch it ovei
the hedge ami le done with it!"
Hut I didn't. I pulkd myself to
gether, and argued with myself. "If
you can afford to throw money away,"
I said to myseif. "that's the first I've
heard of it. You just plug on until you
get to Enton station, and don't give
way to such silliness." It's easier to
argue with yourself than it is to make
youself see the force of it. I went on,
but couldn't stop thinking. I wished I
had never come near the vicarage. I
wished I had got my shooter out and
finished the parson on sicht. I wished
I had never b-en bom, i wished I was
dead. The farther I went the more
down-hearted I got. I had never felt
anything like it before.
At last I had done my nine miles and
stood outside Enton station. I stood
there for about a minute, and then I
made up my mind. "I chuck this," I
said, "and take that forsaken ticker
back to the parson again."
I was as tired as a dog when I got to
the stati m; but as soon as I had made
up my mind that seemed to pass off. I
made my way back a goo-1 deal quicker
than I had come. The sun shone and
the birds sang, and you could see we
were in for a rare fine day. I met some
workingmen on the road, and passed a
pood morning to them. I cou!J have
said good morning to the very policemen
that 1 had dodged a few hours before,
and not iH'n afraid of him. I felt afraid
of nothing, and up to fighting any man
of my own weight.
As I drew near the vicarage I didn't
feel quite so chirpy. I had a nasty job
before me, but I made tip my mind to
go through w ith it. They told me the
vicar had breakfasted early and was
in his study, and would see me there.
Th? vicar was standing up when 1
went in, with his hands in his breeches
pockets and that curious smile on his
face. He looked a fine man.
"Good morning!" be said. "You're
I put th? watch and chain on the
table. "I I I've done a damned dirty
trick, and I'm ashamed of myself."
"Ah!" he said; "this is good. Thif
is a start."
He went on w ith what I suppose somu
people would have called a parson-talk,
and I hr.d that feeling in my throat as
if I were swallowing eggs whole until
I could stand it no longer. Hut I needn't
go into that.
An hour afterwards I was on my waj
again at Enton Mills and he with me,
Omission to do what is necessary
seals a commission to a blank of danger;
and danger, like an ague, subtly taints,
ev'n then when we sit idly in the sum
Shakespeare. 0 wind, if winter ?omes, can spring
be far behind? Shelley,
8CHOOL AND CHURCH. j
A student 54 years old is a member '
of the freshman class of the Maine ilea
Commissioner Evangeline Booth
it is not Eva was named after Eong
t ellow's heroine.
The mills and factories established
In this country by the Salvation Army
give employment to 10,700 persons.
During the absence, for three
months, of Rev. Mr. Cochrane, of tho
Unitarian church at liar Harbor, Me
his wife will attend to all his ministerial
Lady O'Hagan. widow of the late
lord chancellor of Ireland, has left the
Roman Catholic church and has adoptee1
the tenets of the Plymouth brethren.
Cambridge university has chosen as
subjects for the members' prizes "The
Monroe Doctrine" for the English essay
and for the Latin essay "A Defense or an
Indictment of Leander Jameson and His
Dr. Wiiliam Lyon Fhelps, assistant
professor in English literature at Y'ale.
has received an offer to the head of th?
department of English in the Women's
college. Baltimore. It is expected that
he will decline. He is regarded as one
of the most promising assistant profes
sors in the university, and a strong ef
fort will be made to retain him.
A writer in London periodicals some
40 years past states that nearly all the
English clergymen living lictween two
or three hundred years ago wore the
mustache. In his list of those who
wore the beard on the upper lip we find
the well-known names of John Donne,
(ieorge Herbert, Rolert Herriek. Jer
emy Taylor. Thomas Fuller and Robert
South, the famous John Knox, and the
celebrated John Bunyan.
RUSSIAN NOBLES RUINED.
DepiteGoYrnment Aid, Their Estate Are
More and More Heavily Mortgaged-
Mr. John Mitchell, .British consul at
St. Petersburg, in the course of his an
nual report to Lord Salisbury upon the
nmlitinr. of the countrv. says: "Ten
years of strenuous support of a financial
character on the part of the govern
ment of the landlord class has failed to
yield the desired results. The Nobility
Lr.nd bank h:.s proved unequal to the
task of arresting the sure but gradual
Stcav of the class in question. Mort
raired estates were repeatedly, by hun
dreds and even thousands, destined to
be dealt with by the auctioneer's ham
mer, but, at the critical moment the
government has always intervened with
new acts of grace w hich postponed the
"At the present time more than 100,
000 estates, or 41 per cent, of the whole
area of the land owned by noble, are
mortgaged to various government and
private land credit institutions, and the
amount of money advanced on these es
tates has reached 1.209.000,000 ruble
( lS6,Sr.0,0'H)), of which sum 1,174,000,
000 rubles ( 117.200,000) still remains
owing. In the course of the last five
years (1SS9-1S94), the indebtedness of
landed estates to private html banks
increased over S4,0(0,000 rubles (S,
200,000), and these barks last ypat
reaped a profit of more than 7,300.000
rubles ( 70-1,000) on these operations.
"Of the enormous capital of the No
bility Land bank, exceeding 30,000,
000, "created by the government for the
express purpose of making money ad
vances to landlords, but little has been
paid back, and but little improvement
has been made in the cultivation of
estates. It is asserted by those well
acquainted with provincial life that the
millions advanced to the noble land
lord class have not been exK-nded in
the improvement of their estates, but
were .spent on amusement, luxury, trav
els, payment of old debts and unprofit
"One of the chief catses that threaten
th- almost complete extinction of the
noble land-owning class is to be found
in absenteeism. The cultivation of land
unfortunately does not afford the no
bility those attractions that are present
ed by life in towns and by careers in
various branches of the government
service, the latter being, moreover, ac
companied by the acquisition of rank
and social distinction." N. Y. Herald
A Lighted Gun.
The shades of night are no longer a
protection to game from the powers of
the sportsman. An English nimrod h.'3
invented a luminous sight for use in a
bad light. A tiny incandescent lamp,
fed from a single storage battery con
cealed in the gun stock, is mounted
within a shield at the muzzle of the
gun. and a faint ray of light calculated
to indicate the position of its source i?
exposed in the direction of the shooter's
eye, and this is sufficient to enable him
to obtain the required alignment with
the back sight and with the. target, be
i; animate or inanimate. The special
application of the sight is for game
buo ti.g at night and for r.aval serv
ice, such, for instance, as the illumina
tion of a machine gun used against tor
pedo attacks during the night. Fortha
latter purppse it has been adopted in the
English navj-. N. Y'. Journal.
Hidden. Thtngh In Sight.
All hunters are awtre how difficult i.
is to catch sight of woodcocks or par
tridges sitting among the fallen leaves.
Net only do the sober colors of the birds
blend deceptively with their surrounii
ins, but they manage also to disguisi
the outlines of their bodies. In Scot
land recently photographs have been
made of woodcocks concealed in leaves,
and these pictures, while revealing the
birds, show- at the same time how in
geniously the cunning creatures have
disposed their wings, tails and heads
so as to mislead the prying eyes of ene
mies. The bright, watchful eye of the
bird is its owner's surest betrayer, even
in the photographs. Y'outh's Com
panion. - M
ayI p-uess Miss Sere has given nfc
til hope of capturing Jack.
Pamela What makes you think so?
May She refers to him now a her
particular friend. To Data,
Materials and Charming Styles la Great
Variety for the Summer Season,
Special New York Correspondence.
Summer fashions have already ds
Veloped into such variety of form and
combinations of colors so unique and
original that the question of what ia
going to be worn is practically settled
for the season, and the results will soon
be fascinatingly displayed at the fash
ionable seaside and mountain resorta
in all the diversity of charm which filmy
draperies, classic folds, dainty tints
and exquisite color effects can pro
duce. White toilets of various summer tex
tiles will be a conspicuous feature of
the season's fashions. These begin with,
the soft sheer wools, then come those
of serge, mohair and crepon, with plain
full skirts and pert little jacket
bodices, or the single-breasted open
blazer, which, to be new and stunning,
must be lined with colored silk pale
canary yellow, mauve and old rose be
ing favored shades. And this material
also faces the revers and wide collar.
Large pearl buttons are used as a finish,
and the canary tints are more popular
and vastly more becoming than the blue
white shades. Other woolen gowns of
English serge are made with Eton
jackets, which show very wide revers
with a deep square collar across the
back, close-fitting vests of pique or
finely-corded silk being worn with such
Tan, golden brown, and dark blue
mixed tweeds, shepherds cheeks in
silk and wool, and fancy cheviots, soft
in texture and light in weight, are also
used for summer traveling and outing
suits, and for these, in addition to the
Eton jackets, bodices and blazers, there
are Norfolk jackets, bos plaited and
belted, with tan leather belt, w ith Duce
ties and gloves to match. Another pret
ty jacket is short in front like an Eton,
and has a short rippled basque at the
back. A light shade of gray blue, a
darker green blue, and many new shot
effects are popular colors in serges and
mohairs for utility wear in the coun
try. Cream satin is much used for
blouse fronts and wide revers even, on
every-day costumes of plain or fancy
wool. Laces with insertions to match
are used by the league to decorate both
day and evening gowns, and the new
bead garnitures wrought on net bands
are exquisitely dainty and decorative.
Fancy waists of every description are
utill a special feature of fashion, and, de
spite the fact that there has been a de
cided tendency to discard them, will
be very fashionably worn throughout
the season. Silk waists of shot and
flowered glace in various lovely colors,
Of dainty Dresden and pompadour pat
terns, and plaids t:nd checks of every
t.:ze, from ths tiny pin check to large
blocks nearly a quarter as wide as the
silk, are worn on the promenade, for
driving and for dress occasions, with
satin, silk, mohr.ir or crepon skirls, and
when the right colors are selected the
plaid silk waists are an effective com
bination with tan and brown skirts.
A charming little waist is made of
lose and w hite shot and plaided taffeta
silk, with a deeply-pointed yoke ccvered
with lace, with collar and girdle covered
with lace insertion bands of a matching
rattern. The sleeve s are full to the el
bow, and extremely close below it, with
rows of the insertion down half the
length of the forearm. A second model
is a simple and useful one for checked
silk or chene giace and has a sailor col
lar with deeply-pointed ends that reach
tc the belt in front, this made of grass
linen of very fine texture trimmed with
lace and insertion. A collar cut m Van
dykes and edged "vith the lace, with
cuffs to match, finish the neck and
wrists. Datistosand India mulls, which
wear far better than the airy chiffons so
long popular, will ue.mucb used for odd
summer waists, as well as entire toilets.
Nothing in the endless list of fashion -able
materials for hot weather wear
compares in comfort and charm with
the French chaliies or Dresden muslins,
with their dainty patterns of rosebuds,
violets, carnations and every other blos
som imaginable with green foliage as a
background. The skirts are plain, with
a wide hem, Marie Antoinette fischus
or berthas of the goods edged with lace,
with belt ribbons and floating ends a
leghorn hat decorated with roses and
green Tel vet leaves, a pair of long-
wnsted auk gioves and who could aak
mora? E-aTX DctBAX.
Conductor "Softly, softly. Her
ttuller. You are not expected to play
first fiddle with your big druml"
Deacon Jones "So John Carrel la
among the converted 7" Deacon Frown.
"Y'es, but Carvel is without a past;
he won't cut any figure at praise meet
ings." Boston Transcript.
Teacher "What does h-a-m-m-e-r
spell?' Tommy "Don't know, ma'am."
Teacher "What does your mother
Jrive nails with, stupid?" Tommy
"A stove lifter." San Francisco Wave.
Alas," exclaimed the counterfeiter,
that I should have imbibed of the new
art movement. If I had not attempted
that poster effect, I should now be a free
man." Detroit Tribune.
Mrs. De Stoile "Did you enjoy the
opera?" Mrs. Fushion "Very much.
We had a box, and the B'Joneses sat
right opposite us in the circle. It was)
glorious V Philadelphia North Amer
ican. Theater Manager "Yours is tha
best minstrel show we have had here for
ten years. Where did you get on to all
those new jokes?" Interlocutor "One
at the end men got hold of a file of one
of last year's English papers about Sj
year ago." Sommerville Journal.
Indispensable. "I don't think I
want a cyclopaedia,' said the woman of
the house, "but if you have got any nice
books for children" "Great Scott,
madam!" exclaimed the unblushing"
book agent. "We use this cyclopaedia
for a children's book at our house alto
gether. They sit on it at the table."
A Remarkable Child "Come, little
girl, tell me what is your name and how
old you are?" asked an old bachelor,
who was visiting the Yerger family.
The child holds back and refuses to
talk. Mother "That's the way she is.
She never likes to talk to gentlemen.
"Humph! If shekeepsthat up. she will
make a splendid wife some of these
aays." Texas Sifter.
PUTTING A MAN TO SLEEP.
Several Ways Deorrlbed and Mo Two of
The man who has just taken gas and
had a tooth pulled while under its per
suasive influence was sitting in a chair
and rubbing the side of his jaw. After
the blood had stopped flowing, he un
bosomed himself ad libitum to the circle
of sympathetic friends.
"I have now been insensible three
times from interesting causes," he be
gan. "Once I was knocked out in a
glove fight, once I was nearly drowned,
and this time I have taken gas."
"What was the difference in the sen
sations?" asked the man with the yel
"Quite a good deal," answered the vic
tim. "I remember that when I waa
knocked out in a fight that there waa
absolutely no accompanying phenom
ena except a sudden red flash in my eyes.
A moment later I found myself sitting
oa the floor while they were pouring
water on me. The back of my head waa
aching where I had hit the floor, and
there was a scratch on my jaw, under
the ear. The other lellow had upper
cut me as I ducked a right-hander; his
wrist had caught my jaw, and that was
all there was to it. In ten minutes I wat
around as chipper as ever. The time I
w as nearly drowned I experienced near
ly all the sensations, I fancy, that come
to a man about to die amid the waters,
pnd I want to say right now that all
this rot of the novelists alxmt sweet
music sounding in the cars and the past
life passing before one and the death
being painless is an infernal lie. There's
no death more terrible. The water
rushes into nose and mouth.every breath,
isacutting.aehingwaveof liquid agony,
your chest seems bursting from the
weight of your lungs and the feeling is
cne of oppression and suffering from
the moment the first drop of water
surges into the throat to the time yon
die or are rescued. This time I have
taken gas, and the sensations are more
like what the story writers say of
drowning. I had a good time while in
sensible, and was just arguing over a
bit of land with a neighbor when I came
to and began to spit out chunks of
tooth. The after effects? Well, I have
a pain in my gums and feel sleepy and
shaky on my pins. I think I will take a
r.ap right now."
And the man who had just lost a tooth
began a qu iet slumber in his chair. Chi
A Locomotive's Queer Load.
One can never predict exactly what
will be the result of a railroad collision.
Sometimes the wrecked cars are piled
up in an astonishing heap; sometimes
they are telescoped; sometimes they
are turned over and over, or twisted
crosswise, on the track, or stood up on
end, as a baggageman loves to stand a
trunk. But perhaps the queerest of all
accidents of this kind occurred recently
at Towanda, Pa., where a locomotive
drawing a train at full speed ran into
three box cars standing on the track.
One of these cars was lifted bodily, and
almost uninjured, on top of the loco
motive, sma-shing the smokestack and
part of the cab. There it remained firm
ly in place, and the locomotive carried it
to the town of Waverly, near by, where
a photograph was made, showing the
car on its lofty perch. Scientific
Re Answered the Question.
The following amusing passage took
place between counsel and witness in a
disputed will case:
"Did your father gi-e you no parting
"He never gave much away at any
"I mean to say, what were his last
"They don't concern you."
"They not only concern me, sir," re
marked the barrister, severely, "but
Jiey concern the whole court."
"Oh, all right," was the reply. "Fathe
said: 'Don't have no trouble when rns
gone, Jim, 'cos lawyers la the biggest
thieves bauds.' "Titbit.