Newspaper Page Text
B. H. ADAMS, Pehllsher.
CAPE GIRARDEAU. - MfesoiTRT.
In a gilded cradle a baby lay,
Fair and sweet as a summer day
Costly pillows of silk and lace
xoucnea gently by the sleeping baby's
Just by Its side stood the mother fair.
In velvet gown, and gems In her hair.
The richest lady in all the land
Kindly and courteous, noble nnrt n-ran
Bhe lovingly smoothed the pillows of lace
u len"eny Kissed her baby's face;
men turned to the nurse, who was old
With a kindly smile and wpnt softly away,
uvn 10 ner carriage, swift to the ball.
In the vast crowd the fa.rest of all.
High In a garret, cold and bare.
On a hc-ap of straw, lay a baby there;
Its tiny face was wan and old,
Sadly it sobbed, 'twas hungry and cold;
Xo tender mother or nurse was nigh,
Xo one to heed its piteous cry;
There by its side th mother iay.
fold in death since the dawn of day;
For bread she had struggled, hard ws
ene worked and starved gave up her
And in dying had said: "It Is Thy will,
"ul i,riy es. my nine one be with me
Ana tne prayer was answered, the sobs
The bal.e, with Its mother. Is now at peace.
nunaio evening .News.
Life at a Frontier Post.
By Marie Grace Kemball.
. the .New .Mexican highlands, 7,000
J feet above the sea, lies Tort Wingate,
1he border post of which we write.
Seventeen miles east of us the crest of
the Rocky mountains divides theAtlan
lie and the Pacific slopes of the con
tinent. 1'p the eastern incline we have
Jraversed the sand wastes, the lava-beds
and the pinon groves of New Mexico;
down the western, we look out upon the
wide and desolate sweep of Arizona
The fort is not a strong place of defense,
with moat and rampart and bastion; it
consists essentially of low adobe build
ings which inclose a quadrangular
parade-ground. On three sides of the
square are houses lor olheers and their
families, and on the fourth are bar
racks for eight troops of cavalry. Out
Bide the central quadrangle are the
storehouses, the hospital, the magazine,
the laundresses quarters or "Soap-suds
How," and the stables. The angular
architecture of the fort seems drawn
tip at "Attention" against the dazzling
blue sky of New Mexico. Nature, how
ever, relieves the squareness and gray
ncss of the earth-colored houses by a
drapery of wild clematis and woodbine
in summer, and of softening snow in
winter. The parade-ground is brown
nnd dusy except for a few sparse
blades of grass and a fringe of strug
gling eottonwood-trees which border
the irrigating ditch. Near one corner
of the square is the guard-house, and
.always pacing in front of it a sentinel.
To me his most welcome duty is his
sonorous call of the hours at night.
"Twelve o'clock and all is well, is a
cheering word in our mountain soli
tude. At the center of the parade we
look up to the Stars nnd Stripes, which
hang high above us from the flagstaff
there. The flag is our reason for being,
and as often as we see its bold swirls
on a breezy day or its mute folds on a
still or.e. we rejoice that to us is in
trusted this symbol of our country.
Divi'ler of daybreak you. cutting the air.
touched by the sun, measuring the sky.
Bo love.l o yon banner 1-ading the day
with star brought from the night!
I he soldiers day begins at sunrise,
As the light breaks through the pines
on the eastern horizon, the deep vibra
tions of the morning gun are followed
lv the lively inarch of reveille. That
half-heard, ghost I v music always stirs
me with awe at thought of another day
begun, and with pleasure in the linger
ing dream that keeps back the actual!
ties of day. In the barracks, however,
the soldier is astir at once, thoegh ret
without a struggle on the part of the
trumpeter, if we may believe the
iirosaic words he has set to the strains
I can't git 'em up. I can't git 'em up,
I can't git 'em up in the morning,
I can't git 'em up to-day!
Yet, when the relentless march ends,
.he men have "turned out" and "fallen
in," ami are ready to answer to roll call.
' Throughout the day food, medicine
nnd work are administered at the call of
the trumpets. Three times sounds the
lnim-drum, see-saw music of mess-call.
As interpreted in the soldier's rhymes
Porky, porky, pork, pork; pork without
Soupy, soupy, soup, soup; soup with nary
Coffee, coffee, coff . coff ; weakest ever seen.
Soon after breakfast the quick, in
cisive sick-call summons the ill and the
ailing to the hospital. There com
plaints are sifted By the surgeon, the
sick are put to bed, the half-sick ex
cused from duty, and the would-be sick
set to work. Work in the frontier post
includes all the trades, from sawing of
logs to mending of shoes; for the sol
1:t is no specialist, but an all-round
character, who must dig nnd plant,
cook and scrub, as well as ride, shoot
The most picturesque moments of the
Foldier's day at Fort Wingate are
puard-mounting and retreat. Guard
mounting takes piace at nine o'clock in
the morning. Then, "with heim and
blade, and plumes in the gay wind
dancing'," the cavalry wheels on to the
parade-ground. The men assigned to
guard dutj- for the next 24 hours are
rigorously inspected, the column
inarches in review, while the band plays
merrily. The curves of moving horses,
the swaying of burnished brasses, and
the stirring music, are all in accord
with the fluttering leaves of the aspens
and the nimble air of morning "So
ciety" looks on from verandas and ,
board walks; greetings are exchanged?
horseback parties, picnics or sewing-
ucra are piannec. as in the old plays
a tucket sounds," ana with a "Flour
ish!" our day has begun.
.iic u ca i, ominous wore! in war,
signifies in peace the repose of even
ing. The music of the call for retreat
is deliciously pensive and languorous
as the light wanes. The last cadence of
the trumpets is followed by the sunset
gun; then, to the stately measures of
the "Star-Spangled Han ner," the flag
Slowly descends till it drops to tl:
ground with the closing strain. The
landscape, too, fades in music. The em
battled cliffs change into billowy
masses of reds and grays. The clumps
ot bristling pinon trees blend into a
darkling slope of green. The cloud
tioat in a sea of moving color. All na
ture in that breathless afterglow echoes
the meaning of retreat peace and rest.
From reveille to retreat the day is
occupied with saber practice, gymnas
tics, and horse exercise in winter; with
drills, sham battles, and target practice
in summer. The leisure hours of the
enlisted men arc also well provided for.
Outdoors he has football and baseball
hunting and fishing. Indoors he has a
reading-room and library as well
concerts and balls.
In the Officers row the dars are not
less busy than in the barracks opposite.
J hough the average military man is not
deeply interested in general literature.
upon his own subjects he is well read
He often studies, too, topics related to
the comparatively unknown regions of
our country which lie inhabits, and be
conies an expert in natural history.
archaeology and Indian folk-lore. The
officer's wife also has tactics to master
in this land of no shops, no markets
no uressm.-.Kers. j ne uailv meals re
quire careful foresight when butter and
s must be bought in Kansas, vege
tables and fruit in California. Th
Thanksgiving turkey and celery and
cranberries are bespoken by letter be
fore t lie president has issued his
proclamation, and baby's dolls and toys
e ordered from catalogues two
months before Christinas. The sewing
is done by the mother s skillful fingers.
aided by patterns and fashion r!ates
Villi all these industries she finds time
to play the piano, to read, to visit, and to
teach the children their earliest lessons.
In the club-room, tales of stirring In
dian campaigns are told and retold by
the veterans; and surely those who have
made the peace of the plains should be
permitted to tight their battles o er
again in the quiet of the garrison
These heroes of our Indian wars form a
naive and unworldly type that of an
American who is unrutlled by the cares
of the voter, ths competitions of trade.
or the rivalries of civil professions.
A different type is the young lieu
tenant. Fresh from the problems and
dreams of West Point, he gallantly ac
cepts the drudgery and discipline of the
western garrison as a preparation for
his career. The zeal with which he
drills and rides enters into his dancing
and dining; he is tireless either on a
scout or at a picnic. At length, how
ever, listlessness creeps over this eager
outh; for the monotony of duties and
of pleasure is the chief trial of frontier
fe. When his horse palls upon him
when hops and dinners bore him, he
ries in vain to lie'ieve that "only to
stand and wait" is more heroic than to
fight and win
Fort Wingate is on the border of the
Xavajo reservation, where 20,000 In
dians have their home; it is also in the
hborhood of numerous Pueblo In
dian settlements. I'.etween Indians on
the one side and prospectors on the
other, the army is now called to pro
tect the white man from the red man
and then the rcl man from the whit
man. One April day our garrison was
startled by an order directing two
troops of cavalry to proceed at once to
northern New Mexico. Their mission
was to guard the Xavajo Indians from
an invasion of Colorado miners, who
were said to have found gold on the
reservation. A march of 120 miles lay
before our men across sand wastes and
mountain summits, through burn in
heat by day and freezing cold by night,
with little oTas or fuel, nnd water
scarce and alkaline. Both officers and
men knew wed these hardships of field
service, but for weeks they had heard
no new story, had seen no new face, at
Fort Wingate. and they welcomed
marching orders, even for the desert
Forewarned, forearmed! While the
kitchens of Officers" row were steam
ing lortn dainties tor tne otlicers mess,
the soldiers werelavingin their goodies
at the post exchange. These consisted
of cheese, jam and tobacco all snugly
tied together in a red cotton handker
chief. Away they rode on their six
days march, canteens iingling. sabers
flashing, while the band played cheer
fully: "The Girl I Left Behind Me.'
Two months the troops watched and
waited for intruding prospectors, but
none came. Meanwhile the army of oc
cupation had brought a welcome mar
ket for grain and hay. cake and pies, to
the little struggling settlement of
pioneers near theircamp. When, there
fore, the squadron turned homeAvard.it
was with regretful farewells from their
new-made friends in the desert.
For those who stayed at Fort Wingate
the weeks and months dragged slowly
by, until the troops marched back into
the garrison. On that day the more dis
creet waited within doors to receive
their returned travelers, while others,
field-glasses in hand, hurried down the
road to meet them. A moving column
of dust resolved itself first into loaded
wagons, then into a rambling train of
pack-mules, and last into our band of
troopers. Those battered gray hats,
worn-out gauntlets and seamy boots
aroused a welcome that the sleekest
broadcloth and freshest gold lace could
never inspire. bee, the conquering
hero comes!" was spoken by all hearts
as well as by trumpets and drums. The
returning soldiers brought with them
no trophies of war, so halo of battle.
but they had performed the chief duty
of the standing army to prevent war.
Our treaty with the Xavajo Indians had
been kept inviolate, and incidentally a
poverty-stricken community had been
Public opinion in America frown
upon the professional soldier. The man
of books regards him as a medieval
liegeman, born out of his time; the man
of affairs looks upon him as an acces
sory of government, useful on occasion,
yet a costly and troublesome piece of
machinery. A strong military power
is popularly considered a menace to
liberty and free institutions. A stand
ing army, on the contrary, fosters that
military spirit which tends not to de
stroy, but to uphold and protect gov
ernment. While the enlisted man is
withdrawn from civil pursuits, his body
is trained in strength and endurance,
his spirit in courage, self-sacrifice ant
obedience. The mental drill he has re
ceived in schools is balanced by whole
some gymnastics for body and soul.
ast China, ruled by schools and exam
inations, her military spirit in uttei
decay, lost the day to little Japan, whe
had bred soldiers and sailors, and couic
light as well as write.
In his technical schooling, too, the
soldier learns habits of order, punctu
ality and courtesy that are invaluable
in the arts of peace. An unbiased
American observer savs of "armec
Kurope:" "The army is the great na
tional school of industry. It takes s
mere solitary human clod from his slow
field task. It places him among his fel
lows; it teaches him' to listen, to find
his speech, to use his eyes. There is
no better foreman in the world than the
The soldier is not the enemy of arbi
tration; indeed, it is his forceful pres
ence which hinders war. "What is war,'-
said Lncle loby, "but the getting to
gcther of quiet and harmless neonle
with their swords in their hands, tc
keep the ambitious and the turbulent
within bounds?" Such is the service
performed by the armies of Kurope, at
well as by our little frontier garrisons
among hostile Indians.
Highest of all ends promoted by om
army is the active patriotism which the
soldier learns: "That a country's the
thing men should die for at need." A
president and a white house do not.
perhaps, appeal to the imagination as
do a queen and a palace, yet our Ameri
can soldier is as true to his land as is
Tommy Atkins when he says, througl
his spokesman, Kudyard Kipling:
You 'aven't got no families when scrvin
of the queen:
Tou 'aven't got no brothers, fathers, sis
ters, wives or sons.
If you want to win your battles, take ar.c
work your bloumin' guns!
.V private soldier now in our rank:
has written occasional verses that ex
press the same loyal sacrifice of self
Though Private Stokes cannot riva
Kipling in the lively dash of "Barrack
lioom Hallads," or Whitman in tin
solemn beat of "Drum-Taps," yet it
liiley s Grave the soldier writes E
touching epitaph for his fallen com
rade. The background of ' a long, ret
Texan day" anil a distant brook stir
rounded by fierce Apaches is filled ir
with the "careless scamp from far New
lork who gave his life in order tc
fetch water to the wounded:
My God! The air was winged with lead
That shrieked and spat and tore.
Until he staggered, dripping red.
Into our midst once more.
Xot infrequently in these circum
stances the soldier's grave is mudi)
hastily by night close to the picket
line; there the trampling of the horse)
obliterates all traces of burial, and thus
cheats scalping savages and hungry
wolves of their prey. For such an un
marked grave are the soldier-poet's
The prairie flower will bloom in spring
Around the soldier's bed.
The brook in loitering circles sing
The dirges of the dead.
The desert winds in freedom sweep
Across the silent scene.
And loyal hearts forever keep
His memory fresh and green.
Whether the soldier sleeps under
the picketlinc or in the peaceful bar
rack room, his day ends with the slow.
solemn music of "Taps:" The trumpets
sound the notes both over his bed and
over his grave. In the garrison the
ill means "lights out," and with
the last note our fort sleeps wrapped in
he solitude of the desert. The cry of
coyotes comes from the foot-hills, and
the hoot of the owl from the mountain.
X. Y. Outlook.
A Swelled Collection.
The Sunday before Christmas there
was found to be a need of funds in the
exchequer of Hallcluyer chapel in an
Indiana city. J he pastor had exhausted
all ordinary means of raising money.
and must needs resort to some novel
and original plan. At length the time
for the collection came nnd the preach
er arose and said: "The time am come
fo' de annual Christmus collection. We
had intended to hab a Clirismus tree an'
treat, but we cain't do it onless de usual
collection is swelled somewhat. How
someber, I want to say one thing befo'
tie nat is passed: uan hab been a
rumor dat sartin membahs ob dis con-
gregashun hab been stealin chickens"
general attention and unwonted
wakefulness "an ef dah is anyone
heah to-day dat hab been stealin' chick
ens. I don't want him to put a cent into
dis hat w'en it am passed 'round." The
collection of that day was the largest
in the history of the Halleluyei
Mrs. Malaprop-And where did
Mr. Whitechoker To Paris, my dear
'How charming! And didn't you just
fall in love with the parishioners?'
X. Y. Press.
The Only Sore Way.
Follywog How would you g about
finding a needle in a haystack?
Jollydoig I shouldn't look for it; I'd
Eimpiy s.iue elown the haystack. A.
A New York bride who began keep
ing accounts soon after her marriage
made the following entries in her ac
count book: "Jan. 2 Deceived froEt
Bertie, $55. Jan. 7 Spent it all.''
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.
Father, mother and children, in
one family of a dozen at Lincoln Cen
ter, Kan., are all in school, the parents
aad two elder children being in the
same class. The father is an ambitious
minister, 45 years old.
An order has been given that the
curfew law shall be read at least twice
a week in every public school in Dener,
Cel., and that its provisions be strictly
enforced hereafter, that boys and girls
may be kept off the streets in the even
ing. Osiris has lost his divinity and
turns out to have been a mere mortal.
M. Aroelineau. the French Egyptolo
gist, announces that he has discovered
iis grave at Aibydos. Mariette Hey
hunted for the tomb without success
foi nineteen years.
The bocril of managers of the Cen
tral Presbyterian church of Hamilton,
Ont., has just passed a resolution in
dorsing Sunday street cars, declaring,
among other things, that they are a
great convenience to churchgoers, and
that "the evils so extravagantly pre
dicted by the opponents of Sunday cars
are conspicuous in Hamilton only by
Venice has asserted, the right of
ownership over the famous pigeons of
Si. Mark. Some enterprising street
boys who had made a business of kill
ing the birds, when brought up in court
pleaded that the birds had no legal own
ers, as thej- were fed by the public on
tne Piazza han .Marco, the city au
thorities maintained that the pigeons
were the wards of the old republic, and
therefore of the present piumeipa.ity,
a view that was adopted by the court,
TO MAKE SHOES LAST LONG.
An Observant Man Given Some Point-
em to II in l-'ellow Men.
A man who is a city man and has been
a patron of boot stands for 30 years.
has learned something about shoes and
how they should be cared for.
'I do not buy the most expensive
footwear," he said, "because I consider
it to be a waste of money, but a pair of
shoes will last me two years before
they show a sign of break. They have
to be reheeled always and sometimes
half-soled, but the uppers are good gen
erally when I get tired of them and
throw them away. It is all a matter
of supplying the leather with the oil
that it got from the animal in a nat
ural way when it was hide and un
tanned. If you will remember, tan
nic acid is used on the hide in prepar
ing it for commerce, and that is very
drying. Instead, leather in which too
much of it has been used can never be
made durable. It cracks and breaks
in a little while. I am talking now of
black shoes. I do not wear tans or
greens. I am not so foolish as that.
"insist always that your bootblack
shnil use a slight quantity of oil when
giving you a shine. Rubbing a little of
it on with a rag will do. It sinks in
readily, and, as it prepares the surface,
you get a better and more lasting shine.
Xo bootblack will do this unless you
tell him, because the bootblack is about
the most trifling human being that
lives. It is his idea always to get
through the world with as little trouble
as possible to him. He has an easy and
lucrative way erf making a living, and
j he eloes not propose to change it in
Hny way unless you make him.
"After the oil and blacking have been
put on, see that fhe final polishing is
done with a piece of canton flannel.
Brushes have a tendency to roughen
the leather, and the cloth works the
oil into ihe shoe more perfectly. A
shine cf this kind obtained from a com
petent man will last two days, and
icok well at the end of the second
in dry weather. Never all.iw anyone
nf the prepared polishes. They are all
injurious. Three oil shines a week, and
you will find your shoes lasting .-is long
as mine do. It is a big saving in the
course of a year or two." Chicago
AGRICULTURE AROUND DAWSON
(ottil Plnce for OrangfN, lint
Potatoes Attain a Good Size.
Recently Tom Mallory, of Spokane,
returned from Dawson and to a Chrran
icle reporter he submitted to an inter
view upon the agricultural capabilities
of that country.
"It isn't." he said, "a very good place
to raise oranges, but some kinds of
farming are all right. Potatoes attain
a good size for table use on Forty-Mile
Creek, and about the old trading post
at Fort Selkirk. It is believed the early
varieties may be cultivated through a
sue-cession of seasons of experimenta
tion into an early hardy variety that
will mature in the country. Turnips
grow on Forty-Mile and in the vicinity,
attaining to an enormous size.
"The ground is prepared for cultiva
tion by removing the moss growth and
turning up the soil to a depth of 18 or
20 inches, from which the warm rays of
the sua soon thaw the frost. Hut th
frost extends down an indefinite dis
tance below this.
"Are there any fruits?"
"Both high and low bush cranberries
grow abundantly in the Klondike re
gion and throughout the Yukon valley,
so far as explored by whites. They are
extensively used, being for the moft
part supplied by the Indians. Huckle
berries, currants and red raspberries
also grow in the more sheltered sec
tions. Strawberries, maturing rapidly
under a hot sun, and being hardy, it is
believed they can be successfully culti
vated in all the lower valleys of the
Yukon. The strawberry plant is a na
tive of the country, but only found in
sheltered places. Spokane Chronicle.
A Rising; Photographer.
"What yoti doin' out wid dat camcrer
"I been photergrafin. mammy, o'
"Utah you been?"
"Down back of Mr. Simmons' chick
"Jes a pa'r o' pullets. I lef 'em !n
de kitchin."--Cleveland Plain Dealer.
SMARTER THAN FOUR WOMEN,
Junk Mas Who Boacht a Fine Ward
robe for Eighty-Six Cents.
"Can you recommend an honest junk-
man?" asked Mrs. McGosh the other
day of one of the pensioners about her
place. W e re going to move you know,
and we have a raft of old stuff I should
like to dispose of."
"An honest junkman!" was the pessi
mistic reply. "I can send you a junk
man, but he won t be honest.
Honest or not, his "junkship" came at
the time appointed.
"I hear you are going to move, ain'
it?" he remarked as he waddled in at
the side gate.
The four women of the family were-
on the back steps to meet him, each and
every one of them having vowed to be
assharpandkeenas a razor in the trans
actions to follow, end all together hop
ing that the dealer in old clothing and
ether cast-off articles would not get the
better of them in the bargains to be
driven for the old suits and dresses, the
old iron, the bottles, rags and other
stuff piled up in the separate heaps on
the cellar floor. The stuff they had to
offer had cost hundreds of dollars when
new, and they had figured it out that
not even a junkman would think of
offering less than $20 for the lot. At the
end of their bartering they had a differ
ent, idea, and the junkman had their
stuff for a good deal less. too. than $20.
"Come on. innkev," said the leader of
the quartette of females, starting away
to the cellar. "We'll start in with the
cheap things first. hat do you pay
"Half a cent a pound," was the reply,
Three or four bags that must have
weighed more than 200 pounds were
produced and knocked down at half
dollar, the junkman cutting the weight
by working the short arm of his steel
yards under his elbow.
".Vow we'll sell the old clothes," de-
e-lared one of the ladies, dragging forth
an opera cloak of blue velvet with
ostrich feather trimming and lined
with yellow satin. "How much for
"I'll veigh it and see." replied the
lunkman. and when h had. done to
offered the grand sum of five cents.
"What!" exclaimed theyoungwoman
in excitement: "five cents for a gar
ment like that!"
"Hot's no garment mit me," replied
the junkman complacently. every
ting is rags, nnd I give you pig veight."
"Weil, how much for this?" asked an
other of the women, hauling forth n
cast-off dress suit once worn by her
Ten cents." replied the junkman
making a ree-klessly extravagant guess
after "hefting the suit in one hand
"Well, I declare!" gasped the young
lady in astonishment. "Five cents for
a silk-lined opera cloak as good as new
except a little out of style, and ten cents
for a full dress suit!
"Veil, don't sell "em if vou don't vant
fo," said the junkman uncone-ernedly
"I can't stay here, though, if you don't
vant to sell.
We do want to sell, but we thought
vou would give something like what
things are worth."
I give all they are vorth to me. re
plied the junkman. "Kf yon vant that.
1 take it: ef yon don't, 1 go."
The result was that the junkman got
the opera cloak and the evening suit for
15 centsless by far than he paid for
?00 pounds of rags and took away be
sides cut glass bottles and finely
wrought chandeliers that couldn't be
duplicated for hundreds of dollars.
When the accounts were finally settled
up the junkman paid over SO cents for
his plunder and the four women of the
Mcfiosh family looked at one another
In foolish amazement.
"Well, we've got rid of the old stuff at
any rate." said the mother, "nnd if thnt
miserable junkman did chettt us it is
better than having oir. new house lit
tered up with a lot of plunder that in
no use tc anyone." Chicago Times
Herald. HINTS ABOUT BREAD.
Some Polnta of Interest to the Care
A stoneware jar, glazed inside, with
lid, makes a fine "bread-raider," better
than those of tin designed for the pur
pose. It retains the heat longer than
tin. and having straight sides, it is
easier to gage the rising to tell when
it has doubled in bulk.
When bread e-omes from the oven, rub
the tops over with good, sweet butter,
lean one end of each loaf on the bottom
of the inverted pan, the other end on
the breadboard, and cover with a fresh
towel, then with a thick bread-cloth, old
table-cloth, and let them stand until
perfectly cold. If a hard crust is per
ferred, do not use the butter nor covers.
Keep bread in a stone jar with close
fitting lid. or in a regular tin bread-box
either of which should be kept as
rweet as a rose by thoroughly scalding
twie-e a week, and then sunning or by
heating on the stove. A general rule
regarding time for bread-making is
this: In winter mix bread in the even
ing; in spring and fall, late at night (or
very early in the morning); in summer,
:in the morning. Ella Morris Kretsch
mar. in Woman's Home Companion.
Ovrr-Indnlicence to Children.
One of the greatest mistakes that pa
rents make is the over-indulgence to
children. Being loo indulgent is a
great mistake and in time works in
jury. The child who has his every wish
and whim gratified grows up self
willed amd arrogant and overbearing,
which at times is a source of trouble to
everyone in the house. He looks upon
his parents as menials, loses that re
spect, love and obediencedue the parent,
and when he gees out in the world to
make his living he finds that the world
can get along without him. and will not
put up with his nonsemse. This iswhere
the injury works. He then discovers,
but too late, that his training has been
wrong. Therefore, parents, see that
yon rear your children that they may
be a benefit- to themselves if to nobody
else. Detroit Free Press.
Not So Remarkable. De Sappie "If
believe my dog knows as much as I do.
She "I've seen smarter dog's than
that." Puck. t
The Reason Why. The Kindly Maa
"Why stand ye idly here?" The Oth
er Man "De benches in de park's beia
painted." Detroit Journal.
In explanation of the debilitated
condition of his clothing Fogg says his
wife is so diffident that she hasn't the;
courage to look a needle in the eye.
Variable. Stranger (in Texas)
"How long do you fellows work at a
stretoh?" Cowboy "That depends a
good deal on how easy de feller dies.
Dey're variable." Judge.
The Difference. Hogan (watching
the golfers) "Oi dont see anny dif
ffrtnee bechune thot an wor-rk.
Dacy "Yez don't, eh ? Well, yez would
whin pay day kirn around, begorrah!
Up to Date. "Your wife is a fore
handed little creature." "Forehanded?
The day I stayed at home on account of
the big snowstorm she made me get out
the lawnmower and oil it." Detroit
The March of Science. "The
eclipse of the sun at India was success
fully copied by the kinetoscope man.
"Good. It won't be long now before we
can enjoy earthquakes, cyclones and
holocausts without getting out of aa
orchestra chair." Cleveland Plaia
A "SCRUBBING" SERVICE.
Novel Methods of KngHsh Clera-ymeai
to Attract Cona-reg-atlons.
A novel church service is announced
to be held at St. Laurence church.
Birmingham. On a recent Sunday the
vicar, Kev. T. J. Bass, invited the con
gregation to take part in a "scrubbing
service," which would be held in the
church next day, beginning at 3:30 and
lasting until 9:30.
Soap, water and patent scrubbers
would, he said, be provided, and all the
congregation, male and female, were
eligible to lend a hand in cleaning the
The church has bad a curious history.
and has been blessed with a curious
collection of vicars. Some eight or
ten years ago the parish, which is the
most poverty stricken in all Birming
ham, was controlled by Rev. J. F. AT.
Whish, and he, finding the services
languishing from lack of worshipers,
hit upon all sorts of queer expedients
for compelling them to come in.
He announced the most flaming
series of discourses ever given public
ity to by handbill and pester. "Pigeon
flying." "A Good Bay on the Course"
and kindred topics were dealt with in
stead of orthodox Scriptural topics.
Thousands of printed cards were cir
culated each week, bearing such affec
tionate inscriptions as:
'Come and hear your old pal, the Rev.
J. F. M. Whish."
"Now, then, buck up! Give your old
pal Whish another trial!"
Other cards would contain an ex
'I remain, your true pal. J. F. M.
This original vicar would go Into
public houses during the dinner hour,
and, addressing the company, would
Well, gentlemen, you have given my
friend the landlord a good turn; now
finish up at my little place on. the other
side of the road."
Special services were held one week
for pigeon flyers, another week for
sweeps and n third for sandwich men.
Mr. Whish's successor was as devoted
nnd faithful a vicar as his predecessor,
but lacked Mr. Whish's humor and dis
cretion. He gave so harrowing a ele
Fcription of the denizens of the courts
and alleys in the parish to a local jour
nalist that those whom he freely de
scribed as hawkers, rogues and loose
women resented his descriptions of
them by breaking his windows.
Now a washing service is announced.
and doubtless the interior of the church
warrants the appeal made for the serv-
ees of an army of cleaners. London
Empress Kairenle's Playfulness.
Same lime ago Empress Eugenie wast
capital hand at whilingaway her own
nd other people's time, when residing
t obscure watering places, where the
accustomed resources of roval gaiety
were at fault. One game that she in
vented, and which gave mnch delight,
was this: A costly jewel was placed
upon a saucer, and covcrd with an in
verted teacup; a lady thrn tossed them
to a gentleman seated on 4he opposite
ide of the room, and if he caught the
flying utensils with such a steady hand
that the jewel was not displaced, from
under the cup, the gem became the
property of the lady. Of course, the
gallant who was to "catch," felt an in-
tent solie-itude, inasmuch as the prize
for the lady which his adroitness might
gain or his awkwardness lose, had a
value which rendered its possession ex
ceedingly desirable and made its loss
actually felt. It is said that the em
peror was the best "catcher" of them
all; and when he was present the game
was played with an enthusiasm which
would rival that of a thickly populated
nursery. N. Y. Ledger.
Jnst a Trifle Twisted.
Out at West Roxbury recently a,
group of people were telling stories
around a certain fireplace, illustrating
the wit and humor peculiar to children,
and the mistakes often made by them,
and it was suggested that the saying
of a little girl of the Robert G. Shaw
school was worthy of mention.
"Mamma," she said, "I don't think?
our music teacher knows much.
"Why, my dear?"
" 'Cause, right in the middle of thrn
lesson he stopped and asked: 'How
many turnips 'a a bushel?""
Tbo mother, mnch mystified, mad
hKpairies, and found the question Jiadl
been: "How many beats in a meaa4
tt? Bert i It Times.