Newspaper Page Text
' : v..
B. H. 4BA11S, Publisher.
CArK GIRARDEAU, j MISSOURI
LIKE MOTHER USED TO MAKE.
Ofn when we git to dream In' o' the happy
udji u yore
"Wbtii our lifeboat was a-floatln out from
Treasures that were half-forgotten come
a-sailin' into sit-ht
tartln' all the soul to dancln' to the music
o cc light:
An' there isn't one among 'em puts a yearn
in' in the breast
fur another Joyous season in the sacred
- 01 nome nest
XJke them fragrant, smokin' Jewels, dlfTr
ent from the mniiom fav.
Buckwheat cakes an' satslg- gravy like
our motner used to make:
Used to git up in the roornln' clus agin the
break o' day,
When the east was full o' color that'd take
the breath away.
.Hustle out an" git to chorin'. working up a
That'd throw a streak o' glory Into every
Take a wash in that tin basin on the bench
out in the yard
Underneath the ol' mulberry by the hand
ot aces scarred.
Then sit down fornenst a banket out o'
sight an' no mistake
Buckwheat cakes an' sasslge gravy sort
our mother used to make!
Used to ofn stand an' watch her beat the
batter in the crock.
"Comln"! Comin': C'omln'! Comln'!" was
the way she'd make It talk:
ee her grease the smokln' griddle with a
piece o baron skin.
Then pour on the brownish bs.tter with a
dipper made o' tin.
There 'fd lay with holes a-breakln' out
like measles from the ton.
Till she'd loosen It an' turn it with an ol'
case knife, "kerflop!"
-O! there ain't a modern angel top o all the
earth kin bake
Buckwheat cakes with sasplge gravy, like
our mother used to make!
Eppycures may chin till doomsday o' the
toney styles o food.
llodern chefs may work on dishes that a
god'd think was good.
Taney printed menu programmes In the
taverns an cafays
Jlay be full o' kitchen triumphs that'd win
a angel s praise.
.But if they should spread a blanket that'd
make a god rejoice
Side o' that ol' kitchen table an' 'd tell us
take our choice.
Tou would see no hesitation in our action
as we d take
Buckwheat cakes an' sasslge gravy like
our motner used to make!
Reformation of McSwatt :
By Panl P. Harris.
(Written for this paper.)
M'SWATT'S college days were a
revelation; not only to the fac
ulty, but to himself also. He had
never suspected the versatility of his
nature or the vest n ess of his resource.
He wau summoned one day to ap
pear before the board, under coin
plaint of having caricatured his Latin
professor on the class room walls,
thereby making- that worthy to ap
pear, his face wreathed in smiles,
lancing the "conchy conchy" and cry
ing: "To Hades with Caesar, et tu.
Brute" and numerous other incongru
ous and indelicate things. McSwatt
arose to the occasion, aye, passed far
beyond it and made college history;
to completely was he master of the
cituation thnt Jones. end professor
of Evidences of Christianity, inwardly
resolved to espouse iiis canonization,
should McSwatt's soul soon take its
It was not so easy, however, to pull
the wool over the eyes of his class
mates. "Indignation" Smvthe, who
was a member of a fraternity consU
tutionally opposed to the 'one whose
rolls McSwatt's name honored, and
more or less dyspeptic, voiced the sen
liment of the student bodv when he
stated, with Ins usual variations, that
McSwatt was a cheerful liar and an
inimitable dead beat. The remark
cost Smythe a nasal hemorrhage; Mc
Swatt, the remainder of his reputa
tion for the allegations were never
To drown his sorrow, McSwatt in
gratiated himself with the bibulous
Towtl, and he lived to see the sorrow
completely inundated. He was often
er found at the inn than at the col
lege, and he consequently became more
proficient in poker than in Greek. The
piarterly report, sent home, elicited
much wonder, no enthusiasm. There
been a series of extraordinary
lrnins on the family purse for such
.!il purposes that the olu gentleman
v:is apprehensive les the boy be de-
:i:cnted. The cost of books alone, a
-,;-re drop in the bucket of general ex
penditures, was sufficient to have
started a town library, and that of
lentistry mortgaged the farm. Hence
the elder McSwatt visited college, but
the magnificent library had taken to
itself wings, and there remained no
evidence of the dentist's work. Even
MeSwatt'a wardrobe left much to be
desired. To tell the whole truth,
naught of it remained save a light
summer suit which McSwatt. Sr.,
fancied he bad seen before, and which
the younger man was heroically en
deavoring to make fill all of the re
quirements of the season.
The first view which the old gentle
man obtained of his offspring in his
college environments was through a
haze of tobacco smoke, and not calcu
lated to inspire confidence for that
young man, with a coterie of maudlin
companions, as mongrel a lot as ever
disgraced an institution of learning,
was dividing his attention between a
band of poker and a mammoth cuspi
dor which he spat at with the regu
larity of an automaton, an accuracy
McSwatt. Sr., tightened the purse
strings, and the act induced a much-'
needed period of reform. Under the
stimulus of parental adjuration, Mc
Swatt settled to business, forged into
bs first division of his class, and his
natural genius would have put h!n
in the way of honors had it not been
for the ever present conviction of the
inanity of it all. Where was the use
of torturing oneself with logarithms
when poker was on the tapis at the
inn? Self-immola:ion was no part of
his creed. His hasty resolutions for
good were repented at leisure until
the time came that there seemed no
longer use of struggling against his
discontent, hope ent glimmering,
and he resolved rather than make a
mess of it, to be wholly, truly bad.
He broadly intininted that he intend
ed to inaugurate the most comprehen
sive drunk thnt his limited credit
would cec'iire. and he forthwith carried
out the resolution to the letter. He
solemnly pledged himself never to do
another lick of honest work as long as
He organized a sophomore under
ground fraternity, the alleged pur
pose of which was the subjugation of
unruly freshmen, but the real pur
pose was the encouragement 01 every
thing that was bail and the demorali
zation of everything that made for
lnw and order. The flagstaff became
a barber pole one night, under their
treatment., and the chapel windows
were made to bear the inscriptions.
"Hair cut. 15 cents," and "A shave for
nothing." The presidents historic
phaeton miraculously ascended to the
roof of Dickinson hall, and even had
the temerity to attempt the scaling
of the huge dome when it was discov
ered by the proctor, who was out foi
his early morning rounds. To his
amazed eyes, it looked for all the
world like some huge spide.- suspend
ed by its slender thread midway twixt
heaven and earth.
As a class, they daily established a
new record for unrighteousness, and
whatever was bad enough for them to
do at all they did with a will.
One November night they broke intc
the rooms of two freshmen, whom
they compelled to stand at the open
window in the frosty air, night-robed
as they were, and sing love ditties to
the maid in the moon; but McSwatt
never forgot to his dying day their
looks of fright, or how plaintively
their voices sounded in the still night
air, and when one of the marauders,
in drunken glee, proposed to drench
them under the pump, somehow le
could not find it in his heart to enter
into the spirit of the thnig. and when
he saw one of the innocents, a tall,
frail lad. terrorized by the ordeal, sob
bing to himself, he stopped the orgie.
It was the next day but one that the
college bulletin reported the night's
exploits, and deprecating the lawless
ness and the henrt'.essness that made
such misdemeanors jiossible. stated
that Edwin Cassells, one of the vic
tims, was suffering with pneumoria
contracted by the exposure and seri
ous fears were enterfained. McS'.vatt
slept very little during the nights that
followed, and was seen several times
wandering about at a very late hour,
quite alone, and he occasionally stood
for a few moments at a time under
the window where the dim light kept
vigil over the fevered patient.
The fact is McSwatt thought, for
the first time in his life, seriously. He
thought of the tall, frail lad who had
come to the great university, not as
a scapegrace, seeking to do himself
NIGHT-ROBED AS TH ST WERE.
and others all possible injury, but
with a strenuous purpose to be an in
strument in the uplifting of man
kind; to make of himseif all that his
strength of mind and body would per
mit, and McSwatt was ashamed to
think of how little for good, how-
much for evil he, with his vigorous in
tellect -and his strong physique, had
accomplished. He was ashamed to
think that he had not been satisfied
with wasting his own opportunities,
but had almost robbed a fellow being,
one so much weaker than himself, of
his meager powers to do.
The Friday evening's issue of the
bulletin reported that Edwin Cassells
was very low, that he had failed rap
idly since morning, and that his pa
rents in the far west had been tele
graphed. McSwatt was playing a listless game
of billiards when the news reached
him. He immediately put his cue in
the rack, paid for the game and ex
cused himself from his companions on
the grounds of illness. What he real
ly wanted was a moment for reflec
tion. He walked down past the li
brary building and the few houses,
across the bridge and far into thf
open country beyond.
That night and for many nights
that followed, the sufferer had a new
watcher, one who cared for him with
a patience and tenderness that cooled
the fever, and, in time, turnert the
tide of disease in the sick lad's favor,
and when unmistakable convalescence
had begun, the watcher placed the
last few dollars that he possessed in
the doctor's hand and went away ps
he had come quietly and without ex
planation. The watcher was McSwatt.
He was indefinitely suspended a little
later for his implicrticc iz tt hazing.
SCHOOL AND CHURCH.
Ten thousand Irish children are
taught the Erse language.
The school board of Ueadwood, S.
D., has adopted a new system in re
gard to the books used by pupils, who
will now be required to pay a small
rental fee for the use of such vol
umes as they require.
Stonyhurst college had a picture of
the Madonna, which was presented to
it TD years ago by Lady Arundel of
Wardour, who bought it in Home for
?2j. The painting turned out to be
by Carlo Crivelli, and has just been
sold by the college for a large sum,
said to be $20,000.
The rector of Oxford university re
cently received this inquiry from a
resident of Plymouth: "How much
would I have to pay for the education
of my son in your university? Let
me know if I shall have to pay more
n case my son. besides row ing, should
wish to learn to read and write."
An aesthetic English vicar at
Wembley will not allow the word
"died" to be put on the tombstones
of the people buried in the cemetery.
He insists on phrases like "departed
this life" or "pass d away" or "en
tered into rest," and says that "died"
is a denial of the Christian teaching
Women are now qualified to entet
as students at the faculty of arts at
the Vienna university on the same
terms as men, and the professors in
the faculty of .aw in Vienna have
petitioned the ministry of education
to allow women to enroll themselves
as regular students in that branch
of learning also.
In 1 stilt there were Jfl3 incumbents
of church livings in England who had
occupied the same living for 50 years
or more, and of these 12 had held
their places for O years. Their av
erage income amounted to $1,250 a
year, and in 15 cases the income after
50 years' continuous service was be
tween the limits of $3s0 and $710 a
Not many people would be prepared
to believe that the prince of Wales
is a liberal giver to religious move
ments. "Tummy" is generally be-liev-d
to spend most of his large in
come in ways rot approved by the
god'y. but according to an article in
a British magazine he has given sub
stantial support to about 50 churches
and cathedrals, the money being
principally devoted to building new
edifices and restoring old ones.
Many Folks Hold That Reform, Like
Charily, Should Urg-la
Many people among us are led to
say we should reform the millions of
ignorant and vicious citizens in our
own land before commencing opera
tions on the heathen Chinese. The
Chinese also will point with scorn to
the crowds of debauched American and
other sailors who get leave to go on
shore when their ships are in Chinese
ports, ami run in drunken riot among
:he harmless natives in a manner that
is disgusting in the extreme. Even
the well-to-rio merchants and other
represf-nt.it ives of our western lands
when in China too often live anything
but moral lives, so that the Chinese
are led to cry shame upon them. At
tend to your own people first, they
?ay. and when you have lifted them
up to the standard you preach to us,
we will gladly listen to your words,
writes Prof. John Fryer, in Ainslee's.
The Chinese officials 'o not hate the
average regular missionary as a man:
but they dislike his teaching. The
missionary's pure and upright life as
an example for the Chinese people is
a continual and unmistakable object
lesson to the officials, making manifest
by contrast their own erne', grasping,
evil lives. The corrupt official is bet
ter pleased with the depraved Euro
pean or American merchant than he
is with the missionary. He feels that
the merchants and he have much in
common as birds of a feather. In the
ory, the Chinese ciassics hold that the
officials are to be "like parents to the
people." It is therefore their duty to
aid and instruct the people on all points
of morality and doctrine. This duty
they not only do not perform them
selves, but they very strenuously ob
ject to the sensible self-denying mis
sionary when he comes unasked to
perform it for them. The more the
"stupid common people." as they are
called, can be kept in ignorance, the
more easily can they be governed.
Hence the attempt of the missionary
to uplift them is a conspiracy against
one of the strongholds of officialdom.
The misrepresentations of the object
and the work of missionaries, and the
many evil things attributed to them, as
well as the riots stirred up by the
officials, ending in the occasional mur
der of the more aggressive missionaries
are mostly due to this cause.
Novelty la Millinery.
A new adornment is finding favoi
among milliners. This consists of
skeleton leaves preserved exactly as
they fall from the tree and retaining
their natural color. The leaves of the
walnut, chestnut and platane trees are
preferred for the purpose; large ivy
leaves and oak leaves are also used.
The longest leaves are formed into a
large paillette, one side being com
posed of a stiff painted feather, the
other of the skeleton leaf, thus form
ing a broad garniture. A fine invisi
ble wire fixed to the edge of the leaf
prevents its crumpling. The smaller
leaves are made into garlands mount
ed on an artificial or natural branch.
The leaves have to be perfectly pre
served, as their beauty naturally lies
in the delicacy and transparency of
the fiber. St. Louis Republic.
The Illjtarent Fool.
The biggest fool is the man who
considers himself the wisest. Chicago
DaiU Sews, ,
Cerald "My only inheritance to
brains." Geraldine I take it that
there was no contest over your fathejr'i
will." Town Topics.
A Better Eeason. Smith "Why fc
you avoid Brown? Do you owe lim
money?" Jones "No; I don't want
him to owe me any. See?" X. O
"Gentlemen of the jury," said tht
judge, "the prisoner's plea is insanity
That is a question to be settled. Is he
iiiiane or not? On that point he is tu
be judged by a jury of his peers." An
swers. Jones "What business are you in
now?" Smith "I am hi the meat busi
ness." Jones (incredulously) "Where
is your shop?" Smith "I haven't any
shop. I am the ham in an advertising
sandwich." Pearson's Weekly.
First Elder "I hain't seen Deacon
Kpeigel aroun' lately. What's the mat
ter with 'im?" Second Elder "Why,
his mule executed a flank movement on
'im last week, 'n' he's bin in bed ever
since." Philadelphia Inquirer.
An Adjunct to Tears. "Perhaps you
can direct me." she said, with pompous
condescension to the floorwalker.
"I've a crying need for " "Yes'm,"
interrupted the floorwalker, in his
quick, nervous w ay, "han'k "chief d'part
inent. fir counter, nex aisle." Phila
"See here, Wilietts. I hear a lot of
you young feliows have organized a
sflicitle club." "You are the fourth
man to spring that remark on me. I
don't see how it started. All we have
done is to club together to do our own
cooking while cur wives are away."
A Complex Argument. "Do you be
lieve in the saying that a cat has nine
lives?" "Yes, sir," answered the man
who keeps irregular hours. "And hav
ing observed the nocturnal habits of
the cat. I am led irresistibly to the con
clusion that staying out all night is
highly conducive to longevity." Wash
INSTINCT OF THE "HOMER."
Mystery of the Carrier PlKroa'a Fae.
ally of "Location" Wlthoat
Slieht or Compass.
"The mysterious faculty that enable!
cats and pigeon to find their way
back from remote points is one of the
greatest puzzs in nature." said a
New Orleans educator who has made a
specialty of zoology for many years.
"We speak of it as 'sense of direction.
Tiommginstinct'and 'brain compass."
he continued; "but as far as explaining
it is concerned, nobody has ever been
able to offer a theory that was even
plausible. It useii to be thought that
the memory of landmarks had some
thing to co with the phenomena, but
that is exploded by the fact that the
animals always take the shortest cut
home, regardless of the circuitous
route by which they may have been
carried away. That such powers
shoulii be highly developed in creatures
as different in other respects as cats
and pigeons is in itself one of the
most baffling and extraordinary fea
tures of the whole problem; but lam
convinced that the faculty, whatever
it may be. exists in a rudimentary state
in nearly all animals, including man
himself, and may be easily sharpened
by circumstances and surroundings."
relates the New Orleans Times-Democrat.
"For nine or ten years I used to
spend part of every summer in Minne
sota and Wisconsin, living in the
woods and stuuying animal life. I be
came well acquainted with many na
tive hunters and trappers, and have
known several who showed clear evi
dence that- they possessed the "brain
compass.' Nomatterwherethey went,
how they twisted and turned, or what
happened to distract their attention,
they always knew the direction of
their cabins and could return unhesi
tatingly in a bee line. They were all
ignorant men and absolutely unable
to explain their power. The only thing
they could say was that they 'felt it."
Other trappers were remarkably ex
pert in finding their way through the
forest, but they were simply adapts at
woodcraft and went by a thousand
signs and tokens to which they had un
consciously turned their eyes. The
two faculties were entirely distinct,
and. while the skilleri trainer was in
variably alert and feverishly observ
ant, the brain-compass fellow was usu
ally dull and sleepy and paid no atten
tion to his surroundings. The men
themselves recognized the existence of
the homing instinct anil contented
themselves by saying that it 'came
natural to Pete or Pierre, or what
ever his name might be. It is certain
ly a fascinating problem, and I have
Long believed that its solution would
uncover some tremendously important
secret in regard to the relations of man
and inanimate life."
Gnlf Stream oa Greenland's Coast.
Although the eastern coast of Green
land is much nearer to Europe than
the western, it is really much more
inaccessible to explorers and far less
is known about it. The eastern side
is colder than the other. A small
branch of the gulf stream flows up
the western coast and mitigates the
severity of the temperature. That
route to the pole, therefore, has
proved the most popular with explor
ers. Brainerd and Lock wood were
thus enabled to carry the American
flag to above the eighty-third parallel
of latitude. Peary chose this path as
the most promising. And the Nor
wegian Sverdrup, who followed him up
to the arctic regions two summers
ago, did likewise. N. Y. Post.
"Won't you come and sit on my
"I would like to, but mother said
I mas: sit her?, because there's a hole
in this end of the sofa." London
(ESTABLISHED 180 O.
CAPE G-TJBAHDEA.TJ, MO.
Capital, - 850,000.00
Surplus, - $ 15,000.00
BOBT. STURDrVANT, President.
LOUIS F. KLOSXERMANN, Vice-President.
LEON J. ALBERT, Cashier.
L J. ALBERT, JR, Assistant OssMec
FIRST NATIONAL BANK
CAPE GIRARDEAU, MO.
DAVID A. GLENN. President W. B. WILSON. Vice-Presidsn
L. S. JOSEPH, Cashier.
DAVID A. GLENN,
H. P PEIRONNET.
WM. H. COBBVER,
INTEREST PAID ON TIME DEPOSITS.
Blount's True Blue Plows,
ROCK ISLAND PLOWS,
PONY PLOWS AND DODBLE SHOYELS.
The Prescott House.
Always open to the Public with the best accommodations for
The Prescott House Bar is up-to-date in every respect, and
I announce to the citizens of Cape Girardeau and
Vicinity that I am sole agent for the
Celebrated I. VY. Harper Whisky.
HENRY HUHN. Proprietor.
Cape Brewery and Ice Company,
OAPE GIRAEDEAXT, MO.
BREWERS OF STANDARD LAGER BEER.
WM. REGENHARDT, Pres. .
L. F. KLOSTERMANN, Vice-Prea.
E. H. ENGELMANN, Sec'y.
CHRIS HIRSCH, Tress.
ADOLPH RUEDIGEK, Manager.
IRON MOUNTAIN ROUTE
St. ixjuis, Cairo and all points north and east. Connection is made at St
Louis and Cairo with through Exprers trains for Chicago, Cincinnati,
Louisville, Indianapolis, Cleveland, Detroit, Buffalo, New York,
Philadelphia, Boston, Washington and all principal eastern
cities. Pullman Buffet Sleeping Cars to all point.
Only One Change of Cars to San Francisco.
Solid trains to Galveston, Houston, Dallas, Fort Worth, San Antonio a
all Texas points. Only route to Hot Springs, Arkansas.
H. C Tvwnsead, General Passenger and Ticket Agent, 6L Louis.
W. B. WILSOS,
B. F. DAVIS,
J. A. MATTESOX.
E. IL ENGELMANN.
L. F. KLOSTERMANN.
CHRIS HIRSCH. ; .