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HOW HE MIGHT LOSE.
Millionaire Could Not See Why He
Should Buy Burial Lot.
Not long ago a prominent financier,
whose most prominent characteristic,
according to the popular opinion, is
close-flstedness, was the recipient of a
visit from an agent whose line it is to
solicit orders for hurial lots.
On emerging from the private office
of the moneyed man the agent was
met by a colleague who had been
waiting for him, and who inquired
anxiously as to the success of his in
The.agent, shook his head regretful
ly. "No go," said he "he was afraid
lie might not get the full value of his
"What could he mean by saying
that? Confound it, a man must die
some time, even though he is a mil
"That's what -I told him," replied
the agent, "but he only answered,
'Suppose I should be lost at sea?'"
SWISS PASTORS KEEP INNS.
Are Forced Thus to Supplement Their
A note from Geneva states that a
fortnight or so ago a Swiss pastor
bought an inn at Ufhusen, a little vil
lage near Easel. This is said not to
be an exceptional case. In the can
tons of Upper and Lower Unterwalden
and Uri many of the clergy are propri
etors of inns. The reason for this is
that the priests are so badly paid that
they are obliged to supplement their
incomes by other means. Their aver
age income in Switzerland is $125 a
year. The establishments under their
control are said to be models of their
kind. The priests have succeeded in
reducing drunkenness in their par
ishes, for they attend on their custom
ers in person, refusing to serve those
who they consider have had enough.
"The Author Of
"Have you noticed," said
girl, "that in several
new books the
writer is described as 'the outhor of'
and then follows a list of books begin
ning with the one immediately pre
ceding the present production and run
ning back to the earliest period? I
have in mind now the case of Mrs.
Ward in particular. 'Lady Rose's
Daughter' is by thje outhor of 'Elean-
or,' 'Tressady' and 'Robert Elsemere.'
A year or so ago the previous books
have been enumerated in chronolog
ical order, 'Elsmere' heading the list
'Eleanor' ending it] I wonder if that
way of putting the cart before the
horse is a fad among publishers these
days, or is it merely a coincidence
that I have noticed several cases of
the kind within the last few weeks?"
Coroner's Jury's Qualified Verdict.
During the "landlord and tenant dis
turbance in Ireland some years ago a
certain property owner was discov
ered lying dead near a village of
which he was owner. The coroner's
jury, knowing full well that the man
had been shot down by "the boys,"
were nevertheless loath to further in
vestigate therefore they rendered the
following verdict: "We find the de
ceased gentleman died by the visita
tion of Godunder suspicious circum
stances." Philadelphia Public
Faking Used Stamps.
Rogues in this country are gener
ally about as artful as we desire them
to be, but evidently they have some
thing to learn yet from the heathen
Chinee. In West. Java Ah Sin man
ages to cheat the postoffice very in
geniously. On sticking a new stamp
on an envelope he smears the stamp
on the face with paste or a thin glue.
This takes the impression of the de
facing stamp at the postoffice, and
can easily be washed off, so that the
stamp is once more serviceable.
Heaven Had Its Limits.
There was once a Boston womanrr*$
says Congressman Powers of Massa
chussetts, who had afternoon teas, be
longed to a Browning club, fell ill, and
finally died. When she had been in
heaven some days her husband called
her up through a spiritualist. "Well,
my dear," inquired the husband, "how
do you like heaven?" "Very well," she
replied. "We have afternoon teas here,
and also a Browning club. But, after
all, Henry, it's not Boston."New
Bits About the Moon.
If there were a "man in the moon"
the earth would look sixty-four times
larger to him than the sun does to us
on earth. The surface area of the
moon is about as great as that of Asia
and Australia combined. Once in
twelve and a half years there is a
"moonless month that it, the moon
has no full moon. The last moonless
month fell in 1898 and the next one
will fall in 1911.
Amethysts in High Favor.
Amethysts are in high favor. Some
times they are set in gold, but oftener
in gun metal. They are seen as sash
pins, belt buckles, long chains, as well
as in the tops of purses and wrist
hags. One woung woman is the envy
of her associates by reason of a superb
heart-shaped locket composed of a
eingle deep hearted amethyst which
she wears dangling from a gold snake
Once on a time a Prudent Girl met
a Frivolous Girl. "Don't you know,
my dear," she said, "that if you con
tinue wearing a veil that you will
tepoil your eyesight?" "I saw that in
la medical journal," replied the Friv
.clous Girl, "and I would have followed
its advice only I happened to read in
(my Beauty Book that if I didn't wear
za. veil I would spoil my complexion."
THE MEN IN LINE.
Figures Show Immense Amount of Sol
diers Under Ar.-s.
The land forces alone of Europe
number "on the war tooting" 25,000-
000 men. Even Spain has an army
larger than our own.
Standing side by side 25,000,000 men
would make a continuous line from
Calais across Europe and Asia to Ber
Parading up Broadway at the usual
pace, infantry in files of twenty, cav
alry ten abreast and field guns two
abreast, this force would pass the city
hall in about seven and a half months,
parading eight hours a day, Sundays
On the continent soldiers are carried
standing in fourth-class cars contain
ing forty men each. Very small freight
cars we should call them. To mobil
ize-these men at once would take 25,-
000 such cars in about 50,000 trains.
At a mile headway the^,trains would
reach twice around the world.New
SPIRIT OF SLAVIC WOMEN.
Their Love of Liberty Being Evinced
in Many Ways.
The Slavic women of Europe are
just now occupying much attention by
the part they are taking in national
affairs. The University of St. Peters
burg was closed because of the trou
bles of women medical students who
objected to the severity of the exami
nations. Now comes the report that
the Prussian government has arrested
a large number of Polish women in
Gnesen, charging them with conspir
acy. In that city was a large women's
club, formed for the purpose of study
ing Polish literature and history. The
police have discovered, or think they
have discovered, that the club is real
ly but a cloak for political intrigue
which threatened much harm to Prus
Enthralled the Congregation.
It is related that a stranger once en
tered a cathedral in Sicily and bagged
to be allowed to try the organ, which
was new and a very flue instrument
that even the organist did not under
stand. With some reluctance the or
ganist allowed the stranger to play,
and soon the cathedra! was filled with
sounds that its walls had never heard
before. As the stranger played, pull
ing out stops never before combined,
and working slowly up to the full
organ, the cathedral filled, and it was
not until a largo congregation had
wondered at his gift, that the stranger
told his name. He was Dom Lorenzo
Perosi, the young priest composer,
whose latest oratorio, "Leo," was re
cently performed at the Vatican dar
ing the celebration of the Pope's jubi
A Question of Identity.
Thompson and Rogers, two married
men, wandering home late one night,
stopped at what Thompson supposed
to be his residence, but which Rogers
insisted was his own house. Thompson
rang the bell lustily soon a window
was opened and a lady inquired what
was wanted. "Madam," inquired Mr.
Thompson, "isn't this Mr. T-Thomp
son's house?" "No," replied the lady,
"this is the residence of Mr. Rogers."
"Well," exclaimed Thompson, "Mrs.
T-Thompsonbeg your pardonMrs.
Rogers, won't you just step down to
the door and pick out. Rogers, for
Thompson wants to go home."
The color of the sky at particular
times affords a wonderfully good guide
to the weather to be expected within
the coming twenty-four hours. Not
only does a rosy sunset presage good
weather and a ruddy sunset bad
weather, but a bright yellow sky in
the evening indicates wind a pale
yellow, rain. If in the morning the
sky is of a neutral gray color, the
indications for a good day may he
speaking, it may be said that any
deep or unusual hue in summer be
tokens either wind or rain.
Descendant of Robert Burns.
The only direct descendant of Rob
em Burns is a clerk in a Chicago
shipping office. He is Robert Burns
Hutchinson, and his descent from the
poet is unquestioned. His mother,
Sarah Burns, was a daughter of Lieu
tenant. Colonel James Glencairn Burns,
the third son of Robert Burns and
Jean Armour. Mr. Hutchinson will be
48 this year. He was born at Chelten
ham, but crossed the water in 1891,
when he married Miss Mabel Burnaad.
Their little daughter, Dorothea Bums
Hutchinson, is the next in the straight
line from the poet.
A Recipe for Jokes.
Mother is a writer of jokes, being
very successful in disposing of those
in which her own children pose as the
heroes. One day a literary friend,
who is a wife but not a mother, said
to her: "I wish I could write jokes
that would find a market as readily as
do yours!" Up spoke the hero of
most of mother's witticisms. "I'll tell
you how, Mrs. Sims: You get some
children, paper, envelopes, stamps,
and ask your husband to buy a type
writer! That's all that mamma did!"
Poplar a Lightning-Conductor.
A careful examination of the trees
that are struck by lightning shows
that over half of them are poplar.
From this fact scientists conclude that
the poplar has some value as a con
ductor of lightning.
Lives Saved by Science.
The number of deaths each year in
London was, 150 years ago, fifty-one a
thousand. In 1S20 it was twenty-nine
a thousand, and it now is about eight
een a thousand.
HOW NOME WAS NAMED.
Insignificant Error Which Deter*
mined Its Appellation.
There is to be a considerable rush
for Nome next month, if one may be
lieve what one hears among mining
men. There is no more sensational
ism, but plenty of effort and inten
tion. Men are going there who have
thought over the situation very seri
ously since the wild craze of a few
years ago, and they will go prepared
for hardships and disappointment
How was Nome named? By a man
on the Herald, one of the Franklin
rescue ships. When the manuscript
chart of the Cape Nome region was
constructed attention was called to
the fact that the cape had no name
by the insertion of this"? name?"
The interrogation point was inked in
by a draughtsman as a "C." and the
"a" in "name" being indistinct he
interpreted is as an "o" hence" "C.
Nome"Cape Nome." This little ro
mance occurred in 1853. What's in a
name? Nome.New York Press.
"JACK HARKAWAY" COMING BACK
Story That Thrilled the Boys of a Gen
For a regular thriller commend me
to "Jack Harkaway." Thirty-five
years ago this sensational bit of fic
tion exercised a greater influence on
the character of the average boy of
10 to 15 than father, mother and the
Ten Commandments. It was devoured
by millions on both sides of the water.
"Jack" was the ideal of the youth of
all English-speaking countries. I see
that it has been started again for a
long run in a periodical that claims
1,250,000 circulation. Bracebridge
Hemyng died in 1901. He wrote not
only "Jack Harkaway," but forty-odd
volumes of readable fiction, yet you
will look in vain for his name in "John-
son's," "Appleton's," "Chambers'," the
"International" and the "Standard"
cyclopedias, and in the "Ridpath Li
brary of University Literature." The
editors of all such works seem "to make
it a habit to leave out just what one
wants to know.New York Press.
Mayor Cleared the Sidewalk Himself.
They tell a story of Mayor Studley
in New Haven that is characteristic
He was walking along Church street
one day when he found the way
blocked by a "hog" of a builder who
had filled the sidewalk with cement
and planks, forcing everybody out into
the street. The mayor picked up the
planks himself and threw them into
the street and rolled the cement after
them. He left word with a near-by po
liceman that if that sidewalk was
obstructed again the builder would he
arrested. Some men can do that sort
of thing without diminishing their dig
nity and greatly to the increase of
their popularity. Studley is one of
those men.Waterbury (Conn.) Amer
Plague of Wolves.
Wolves are still the scourge of the
Russian peasantry. During the present
winter they have succeeded in de
stroying 16,000 head of cattle in one
district of eastern Russia alone. In
the governments of Novgorod, Tver,
Olonetsk and Archangel and in Fin
land these animals are met with in
great numbers. The frequently be
come such a plague that the govern
ment orders them to be hunted down
by entire companies of soldiers, who
surround the woods in which they
dwell and afterward shoot them down
in considerable numbers.
Doom of Buzzard.
The buzzards that have long infest
ed Vera Cruz and served a useful pur
pose as winged scavengers are
doomed. A London firm is putting in
a modern sewer and water system.
The birds have become so numerous
that they are a pest. The protection
of the municipality has been removed
and when the new drainage system
shall be completed the city will be rid
of the pest, the numbers of which have
already been reduced somewhat by
catching the buzzards and placing
them in wooden cages to be taken to
the sea and.drowned.
Opulence at the Capital.
Old-fashioned residents of Wash
ington deplore the fact that social life
there is taking on many of the objec
tionable features which characterize
the "rude and rich" New York set. It
it believed that some of this is due to
the fact that the president hails from
New York, the Roosevelts being allied
with many families notable on Man
hattan island. Opulence at the capital
is making great display in equipages,
luncheons, dinners, dances, etc., and
its coming to be understood that now
adays money not only talks, it howls.
The infant prodigy had thrown her
self on the floor and was vigorously
biting holes in the matting, while her
toes drummed a quick march of fierce
anger and her shrieks rent the air.
"What in the world!" exclaimed the
prodigy's keeper, in alarm. "Here is
a newspaper account of me which neg
lects to say that I am 'utterly unspoil
ed with all my popularity,' wailed
the prodigy as it continued to scream
and kick.Los Angeles Herald.
Chance for Every Old Thing.
WantedMr. Edgar Hogan wants a
wife. He is not particular about what
kind most any old thing will doan
old maid or some brisky young miss.
Any unmarried lady that wants to get
a husband should write Mr. Hogan, or
gee him at his office or home. His
postoffice is Bethany. His office is
anywhere on the square at Bethany.
His home is on Big Creek, five miles
north of Bethany.Bethany (Mo.)
THE EXPANSION OF RUSSIA.
Nothing Stops the Progress of the
Giant of the North.
The progress of Russia is like the
spreading of ink over blotting paper.
There is no natural barrier in Persia
to throw her back or head her off,
i such as the mountainous frontier of
India. But the prospect of Russian
absorption of Persia is not practical
politics to-day. Neither is it practical
politics nor healthy patriotism to
hound on Great Britain to occupy,
finance, protect or claim rights in
every country which lies upon her
road to India or Africa or America or
the South Seas. Such a policy is mere
ly suicidal. We can barely govern
efficiently our present possessions.
Fresh large responsibilities in Persia,
in China and ultimately in Turkey
would simply weigh us down to the
gunwale and finally sink us.London
FAD OF A FAMOUS JACKDAW.
Bird Took Trips on Buses and Gave
His Foes a Tongue Lashing.
The Brixton jackdaw, which was
found dead recently in the bar of the
Angell Arms at Brixton, London, was
a great celebrity in his own way. All
jackdaws have fads of their own, and
the favorite fad of this particular bird
was to travel all over London on omni
buses, trains and cabs. He was thor
oughly well known to every 'busman
in the Brixton district he used to
take his seat on a bus beside the
driver, and would chatter most volu
bly till the journe- *o the city or else
where was accomplished, when he
would fly back to his Brixton home.
He was a bird of strorg likes and dis
likes, and when any of his master's
customers failed to find favor in his
sight he would assail th^m with the
most embarrassing flow of language.
The game of billiards has grown in
popularity of late with the fair sex.
According to Shakespeare, Cleopatra
played billiards with her favorite,
Charmion, in the year 30 B. C. At
present the best women players are
the French, who frequent professional
games and eagerly follow the billiard
news of the day. Patti is fond of the
game and had a table made in this
country to take to her Welsh castle,
for which she paid $2,500. Among
American billiard players of repute
are Mrs. George Gould, Mrs. Edwin
Gould, Mrs. Almeric Paget, Mrs.
Burke-Roche and Lillian Russell. Bil
liards are said to afford excellent ex
Minister Bowen's Wife.
Mrs. Bowen, wife of our minister to
Venezuela, talks very entertainingly
of the Venezuelans, whom she de
scribes as models of domestic virtue.
Many are also very beautiful, but they
go out very little in public, being of
Spanish descent. Mrs. Bowen, who
is slight in figure and of girlish man
ners, was a Miss Clegg of Galveston,
Tex. She is fond of pets, and among
the unusual ones entertained at the
legation in Caracas are several par
rots, a fine peacock and some monkeys
which are allowed to roam at will in
The Deacon's Climax.
"Yes," said Deacon Stuckup, "the
works of Providence are manifold.
The omnipotence of the Almighty is
seen in all things, great and small,
high and low. The good Lord who
made the great mountains made the
smallest insect that crawls over them
the good Lord who made the mighty
ocean made the smallest fish that
swims in it the good Lord who made
man, the greatest of His works, made
the smallest flower of the field. The
good Lord, brethren, who made me,
made a daisy!"
The Methods of Novelists.
And here is Maxim Gorky paying
$150,000 cash for a beautiful palace on
the banks of the Volga. This is the
reward of the skilful use of his pen
in glorifying the tramp and the out
cast, and vilifying and scandalizing
their opposites in Russian society and
politics. It is frequently thus, though
Tolstoi began at the other end of the
social ladder, sacrificing a title and a
fortune for the rewards that have
come to him as a novelist and a cham
pion of the oppressed.
Few Motor Cars in Portugal.
Motor cars as yet show no signs of
being used in Portugal. Last year only
twenty were imported, of which
eighteen were French, one English and
one German. The bicycle trade is
also languishing only 572 bicycles
were imported in twelve months222
from the United States, 151 from
France and 35 from the United King
dom. The population of Portugal is
about the same as that of London.
London's Army of Horses.
In a recent paper on "Electric Auto
mobiles," read before the Institution
of Civil Engineers, Mr. H. F. Joel
stated that in London alone there were
over 16,000 licensed horse-carriages,
apart from private vehicles, trades
men's vans, etc., and it was estimated
that over 200,000 horses were stabled
each night In London, necessitating
the dally removal of more than 5,000
tons pf manure and refuse.
Too Much for Him.
"And do you mean to say," ex
claimed Farmer Brown to a policeman
in Lebanon, Pa., as he gazed at the
trolley wire, "that that thing is used
for travelln' purposes?" "Yes." "Hu-
man beln's go that a-way?" "Of
course." "Good-bye." "Where are
you going?" "Back home. I'm get
tin' used to the steam cars, but I'm
durned ef I'm ready to be seat hy tele
The Celebrated Scientific
Palmist and Clairvoyant
Has arrived and remains a short time only. The
Professor is recognized by press and public as the
foremost and most able Scientific Palmist and
Clairvoyant before the American public, and he
especially invites those to call who 'have been dis-
appointed or deceived in the past by some incompe
tent personthey will notice the" difference be-
tween an adept and a pretender.
HRE YOU I N TROUBLE?
Do you find that with all of your natural gifts and talents that
you are baffled, discouraged and unsuccessful? If so, come and be
advised and find out the cause of your bad luck, and how you can
change your bad conditions to success, joy and happiness. Thous-
ands live today to bless and give credit of their success and happi-
ness to this wonderful man. Are you sick"? If so, come to me
and I will tell you free of charge what ails you. I do not give medi-
cine, but tell you how to be cured without asking a single question.
Come and be convinced. Palmistry and Clairvoyant taught.
Prof. Seaton is located at
Roo 8 Remore Hotel
& KNUTSON have opened a blacksmith and wagon shop one
door south of The Pioneer, and are prepared to handle any and
al work in their line and guarantee satisfaction to all comers. Mr.
Reed makes a specialty of horseshoeing
and his work is too well knovvn to need any introduction to the people
of this vicinity.
Mr, Knutson has been in the employ of the St. Hilaire Lumber
company for four years, and comes well recommended by that company.
Give the new firm a chance to show you what
they can do, and you will not be disappointed
REED & KNUTSON
Second door south of postoffice, BEMIDJI, MINN.
C. D. Steece
The Sign Man
Is here to stay, and is prepared to do all
kinds of iro-to-date Painting, Paperhang
ing, Free Hand Relief Work, Kalsomin
AL WOR IS GUARANTEED
DON'T FORGET TO SEE HIM BEFORE LETTING
YOUR JOB. HE CAN SAVE YOU MONEY.
LEAVE ORDERS AT BEAUDETTE'S TAILOR SHOP.
C. D. STEECE
THE SIGN MAN
First Class Sample Room. Choicest Brands.
Geo. McTaggart Prop.
Choice Wines, Liquors
Beltrami Avenue. Bemidji, Winn.
and general blacksmith work,
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