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BETZWTK TATES Randolph Binks and the Safety Hammock 3y Elfis Parker BuHerTk Atdhor of~"Pifcs is Pi$s Eic* sfS3 ILLUSTRATED By PETER NEWELL With Consternation Wilfred Started to Leave the Hammock. So Did Adelia. Randolph Binks of Betzville is pas sionately fond of reclining in a ham mock, but up to the present he has never reclined in one to any great extent. Mr. Binks is an excellent citi zen, but is more rotund than any other man in this county, and when he re clines in a hammock so much of him rotunds upward that it overthrows the equilibrium, and the hammock quickly but gracefully turns over and drops Mr. Binks on the ground with a thud. Any man less passionately fond of re clining in a hammock would have given it up long ago, but Mr. Binks said In our hearing that he would be blamed if he would let any hammock in creation get the best of him. He eays he has gently climbed into the hammock over 8,962 times, put his bead back carefully, grasped the pdges, and that each and every time the hammock has revolved half a revo lution suddenly, and Bpilled him on the hard, hard ground. He says that fit about the eight thousand, nine hun dred and third time he decided that he had been attacking the hammock too gently, and that it must be taken roughly, like the nettle, to be handled properly, so he stood back and made la leap, landing in the hammock. This iwaB almost successful, except that the hammock acted like a spring board and, taking Mr. Binks, threw him six feet against the fence, head first, breaking three pickets. In his tem porary anger Mr. Binks arose and kicked the hammock, which then grabbed him by the foot, yanked his other foot off the ground, and bumped him down on the back of his head. When he became calm Mr. Binks went as far away from the hammock as he could get and sat down on the ground and studied it, and he came to the conclusion that what the ham mock needed was a counter-weight. If there was a greater weight attached to the underneath of the hammotk when Mr. Binks got into it, It could not turn over. He said he wondered that no one had ever before thought of putting a keel on a hammock, and he immediately began looking about for a good, heavy weight. The best thing he could find was an old mill stone, and he built up a solid wall of loose brick underneath the hammock. On top of this he laid the millstone, and then he pressed the hammock smoothly against the millstone, and, warming two quarts of glue, he poured it into the hammock and went •way to allow the glue to harden in peace. That evening Adelia Binks and her fiance* young Wilfred Doppelgang, went quietly into thv back yard to sit In the hammock and spoon. They •at. About thre» hours later Adelia raised her b'iad from Wilfred's shoul der and said, "It don't seem like you hug as hard as you used to, Wilfred! She sftid this in a reproachful tone of voice, implying that perhaps Wilfred did not love her as of yore, and Wil fred, who did love her as of yore, tried to take his arm from about her waist and get a new strangle hold, but, alas! he could not! He could not get his Arm loose from that hug. In the course of three hours the glue had hardened and the hug had become a permanent, guaranteed-fast embrace. He had undoubtedly allowed his sleeve to repose a moment or more in' the glue, and Wilfred's sleeve and the back gores of Adelia's shirt waist had become one and inseparable. This is desirable in a union of states, but it Is not recommend#* for all purposes. I With consternation Wilfred then started to leave the hammock. So {did Adelia. Instantly, without a mo ment's hesitation, they did not leave. Reader, have you ever been glued to a large, round, sandy-complected mill stone Have you ever seated yourself upon a millstone WQII buttered with glue, with the girl of your choice be-1 side you, and than sat there until the glue hardened and you became, as you I Tatey KevelL might say, two souls with but a single thought? Wilfred and Adelia could not arise they could not even side step. They were glued to the mill stone. and the millstone was glued to the hammock, and the hammock was tied to two large trees, and the roots of the trees extended many, many feet into the soil. There was but one thing to do. Cautiously leaning forward, Adelia and Wilfred began to remove the loose pile of brick from beneath the millstone, until all the bricks were gone. Then, wrapped arm in arm, they began to joggle the hammock. It was a trying moment. Suddenly, as out of a clear sky, there was a sound of ripping, breaking, tearing, and then a thud. The millstone had fallen to earth, taking with it the central por tion of the hammock. This left a large hole in the hammock. It also took with it— Pardim me, I should say it also left a large— At any rate Wilfred and Adelia sped hastily toward the house. Half an hour later Mr. Randolph Binks strolled home, and all was si lence. As has been said, he is pas sionately fond of reclining in a ham mock. He has since remarked to Uncle Ashdod Clute that his inven tion of a non-tipping hammock was a success. Formerly, when he entered a hammock one thing always hap pened—the hammock reversed itself and threw him out. But now Ran dolph Binks walked up to his ham mock and threw himself into it with confidence. The hammock did not, Mr. Binks says, throw him out. Mr. Binks mere ly walked up to the hammock in the dark and threw himself into it. Mr. Binks says that in passing through the hole that had been torn in the hammock he thought very few things worthy of reproduction by the press. He says he merely passed through a simple, unconventional way, and met the millstone quite informally, salut ing it with the back of his head. He says it was a mere love tap—for the millstone. Mr. Binks claims that his hammock was a success on three counts: First— The hammock did not turn over and drop Mr. Binks on the ground with a thud he fell through. Second—The hammock did not drop him on the ground with a thud he hit the mill stone. Third—The hammock did not drop him with a thud the noise was clean and sharp, like the iron rim of the millstone. Mr. Binks says he can think of only one improvement. Here* after when he wishes to glue any* thing under a hammock he will choose a feather bed rather than a millstone. (Copyright, 180S. by W. G. Chapman.?) At Old-Time Tea Table. Tea-table etiquette was somewhat complicated in the days of that "hard* ened and shameless tea drinker," Dr. Johnson, when many people thought nothing of drinking ten or 12 cups at at sitting. It was considered prop er for the cups and saucers of a party of tea drinkers to be all passed up to the hostess in one batch when re plenishing was considered necessary, and in oitier that each person might be sure of getting back the right cup the teaspoons were numbered. When the cups were passed up those who did not require any more were supposed to place the spoon in the cup. Too Professional. "The funniest test of skill in wash ing clothes I ever saw," said the vtl» lage liar, "was in Holland between the washerwomen." "I presume," said the man who waa listening, "that your betting instinct led you to put up a wager on one of the amateurs?" "Tea it did," admitted the speaker. "DHfyou Win?" "No. There were too many wrin# era in the contest.'* SHARKS ATTACK WRECK'S VICTIMS BIG PISH .BITE .. PASSENGERS THROWN INTO 8EA WHEN 8HIPS CRA8H. 101 PERSONS ARE DROWNED Wall Steamer, Cut In Half In Collision Near Singapore, 8inks In Two Minutes—8ixty-one Rescued. Singapore.—The mall steamer La Seye, of the Messagries martitime ser vice, running between Java and Singa pore, and on her way to this port, crashed into the Onda, of the British India Line, and sank within two min utes. Seven European passengers, includ ing Baron and Baroness Beniczky, the Captain of La Seye, five European of ficials and eighty-eight others, com prising native passengers and mem bers of the crew, were drowned. The rescue of sixty-one persons, practically from the Jaws of shoals of sharks, formed a thrilling incident of the wreck. The accident occurred about 4 o'clock in the morning in a thick mist. The vessels were steaming at good speed and the La Seye was cut almost in half. There was no time for panic nor for any attempt on the part of the officers of the foundering steamer to put out the boats. The ma jority of those on board were caught in their berths and earried down with the vessel. The force of the collision brought the Onda to almost a dead stop and her engines were at once slowed and boats lowered. The rescue work provid thrilling, for not only were the rescuing parties impeded by the dark ness, -but shoals of sharks were al ready attacking those clinging to pieces of wreckage in the water. Sixty-one persons from the ill-fated steamer were finally dragged into the boats and brought by the Onda to this W tg Hurled Into School of Sharks. port. Many of them had been bitten by sharks and several were severely injured. In the Wrong "Den." Under the head of "Synonyms," Will Creer was explaining his position to the Ad club the other day. "Words have associations," he said, "and synonyms sound strange to the ear when used in other than familiar terms and connections. So, when I read in the financial column of one of the papers that Pittsburg coal, com mon, had demonstrated indications of salient resiliency, I knew at once that the automobile editor had filled in for the financial editor. We are accus tomed to associate the resiliency bus iness with rubber tires, and so with the automobile line, although its appli cation was perfectly sound in the con nection in which it was used. "A man came into the bank recent ly to sell us some advertising cuts, embellished with what he called epi grams. The first he sprung on me read like this: 'A savings deposit is a potential power pregnant with pos sibilities.' I told him he was in the wrong shop. What he was looking for was a School for Alliteration."—Cleve land Leader. Dormice Immune to 8nake Bit*. Three animals hare long been known to be immune to the bites of snakes—the pig. the porcupine and the mongoose. According to M. 0. Bil lard, a naturalist of Clermont-Ferrand, France, the common or garden dor mouse must be added to this, list This little animal does not hesitate to fight a viper and kill the reptile. Of course he would be helpless if attacked by a big rattlesnake, for this would swallow at one gulp. M. Billard injected four milli grammes of dried viper poison into a dormouse with absolutely no efTect Half an hour after the injection the dormouse was nibbling an apple as if nothing had happened. The dormouse wejghs only two ounces, and the amount of venom he received was enough to kill 11 pounds of such ani mals as rabbits and guinea pigs. Salmon's Rapid Growth. It la said that a 20-pound which was caught in Scotland not Ion# ago had attached to one of ita fins a small silver plate mrM "MSB." Upon inquiry it was found that this label had been put on the fish by the Loch Lotnmond A«gHng Improvement association in December 190T. in a'river feeding the lake. The records show that it then weighed ten pounds, and thus'in the •pace of 11 months it had doubled ita weight—Forest and Stream. In the Matter of Shoes Fig. 3. By Julia Bottomley. American-made shoes have out-dis tanced those made anywhere else in the world in the race for excellence. This has been true so long that the American shoe in American shoe shops is sold everywhere. In points of style, finish and variety the Ameri can shoe is first and so far in the lead that there is no second. Even the French shoes strike the educated taste of our country-women as un shapely and uninteresting, almost wholly lacking in style. Women have grown more fastidious in the matter of shoes and the advance of the manufacturers in variety of models produced, meets with a de mand so ready that our mind is in doubt as to whether this demand .was in existence before it was met, or not. At any rate, each season brings forth numbers of new models, and the styles in shoes are getting abou* as much at tention these days as the styles in mil linery. Women have out-grown the foolish practice of pinching the feet, or wear ing shoes unsuited to their individual needs. Such is the variety of lasts made that there is one for' almost every foot. There are several "types" which are understood, and shoes are so cleverly cut by the manufacturers, so well thought out, that shapeliness is the effect in all the different models. "Mannish" shoes are chosen for walking, having good substantial soles, heels moderately high and very strong and a general appearance of strength and durability in the entire make-up. For such shoes, tans and blacks are naturally most popular. One may get them in brown, gun metal, ox blood and probably a similar shoe in other colors. Kid and calfskin furnish the materials of the greatest number of models in street shoes. In Fig. 1 an ideal shoe for general wear is shown. It is as trim and sensible looking as the plain and handsome tailored gown, with which it is intended to be worn, and shows the same beauty and sim plicity in cut, the same care In its finish. Such a pair of shoes, it goes without saying, almost, is the first essential in any woman's shoe-outfit ting. These she must have—be she poor or rich. Happily, the price is not above the reach of any one. Two pairs of walking shoes, in good con dition should be always on hand and worn alternately. One should keep the pair not in use, on shoetrees and in good shape as to cleanliness. Oc casional attention to the heels, where there is a tendency to wear them off at one side, will prolong the life and keep the shape of the shoe. It is a good idea to have one pair with high tops so that the ankles will he protect ed in wet weather. Nothing repays care better than shoes. A shabby ap pearance is the fault of the wearer, and any Jioe man will tell us that proper care in keeping up the good appearance of shoes lengthens their term of service by half the usual time of wearing. Street shoes are distinctly not for j~LTUTJxruHjT_n_ri_ru'T- DRAPERIES FOR THE BEDROOM Needlework Decorative Schemes Help Much in Giving Pleasing Ap pearance to Chamber. In the modern development no ap plied art is more interesting to wom en than needlework which goes to further a decorative scheme in the home. Feminine handwork is inti mately associated with the home and, while a too lavish display Is bad form, yet a certain amount adds a pleasing touch to the other decorations. Out of the dead past comes the womanly craft of making linen bed clothes, those covers with appliqued borders. If you have a bedroom which per chance lacks the proper note of decor ation, you may be able this winter to turn your clever hands to the making of something in the way of overdrap eries, such as bed covers, dresser scaifs and the like. Creamy linens are used for the purpose and the ap plique design is white, cut, from white- linen and stitched to ."the. cream linen. Crewel and knot stitcher abort and long embroidery, Frencfe Fig. 4. the house. A pair of slippere or a sof ter, dressier boot, should replace them indoors. This change is good for the shoe, for the wearer and for the floors. If one lives in a house with a summer atmosphere all winter, there is no reason why slippers should not be worn. A lovely slipper is shown in Fig. 2. Every woman should provide herself with such a pair. Most of all, the business woman, who is apt to come home fatigued from a trying or a monotonous day. A simple toilet finished with a dainty and comfort able pair of slippers. The "feel" of the light, flexible and womanish slip per seems to pervade one. It shows in the carriage and amounts to a posi tive refreshment. A little gown for evening wear at home should be of the same characteristics as this slip per, simple, pretty and most easily taken off and put on. A dress shoe, is another essential to the wardrobe. This is lighter in make than a street shoe and a great variety of styles is shown to select from. Where the purse allows only on» pair a fine, plain, well-made kid boot, like that shown in Fig. 3, is the happiest choice. This model is cut on beautiful "classy" lines. One may buy it with patent leather tip or vamp, or in dull-finished kid. The moderate French heel is graceful and redeems the model from too severe lines, with just a hint of the frivolous in shoes. The cloth top shoe shown in Fig. 4 is for those who require a little more elaboration in a dress shoe, or for those who wish to match a costume. It is very quiet by comparison with the footwear of those ultra fashion ables who can indulge themselves in luxuries in shoes as well as other things. The cloth top has a velvet col lar and is finished with a silk cord and tassels. The Cuban heel brings the design down to earth, as it were, so that milady may wear this boot on a clear day with a visiting gown, when she goes to pay her calls or to attend some of those gatherings for which she must "dress up" a bit. This beau tiful boot is dressy enough for any oc casion, and appropriate for any, ex cept, perhaps, for dancing. When one wanders into the realm of dress shoes a fascinating array charms the eye—revealing the varied demands of women of fashion. Shoes and slippers and sandals in bronze and gold and silver, more or less em bellished with embroidery, fairly beck on one to study the alluring possibili ties in dainty footwear. But this is another story. This fairy-land of foot wear appears to the eternal feminine and shows that the modern woman in remembering to be sensible in street shoes, has not forgotten to be romantic where she may. For Rough Hands. Seaside water is sometimes v?ry hard, and roughened hands are the re sult. A good lotion for softening and whitening the skin may be made from five cents' worth of rose water, five cents' worth of glycerin, two cents' worth of liquid ammonia and the jutes of one lemon. Mix these ingredients well together, and shake the bottle thoroughly before using. Apply to the hands after washing, while they are still wet, and rub well in. Dry care fully with a soft towel. knots—in fact, anything you wish to introduce in the way of stitchery is permissible, but the edging should be delicate. But, if you have not the time to embroider the pieces, you can join the design with white or colored cotton soutache. This work is done on the sewing machine with the use of a braider. Tellow linen over white curtains, outlined with white and a color tint, is most beautiful. Long Chains in Fashion. The desire for the Cartier watch, on its short enameled chain has not abolished the fashion for the long watch chain, or the long chain with out a watch for evening. These hanx well below the waist and are made of semi-precious stones, as well n* precious ones." The extra heavy twisted cable of gold, such as wont by gentlemen before the war, has re turned to favor for women. Jet is much in evidence,' but the new chain for watcheis is a 'slender cord fit oxidized' stiver with carved links of silver set Catneo* are also revived, and the cameo brac^IM la the thing in arm jewelry. The Darky's Idea of It. A correspondent of the Walker County Messenger tells this one: "A darky was on trial in the crim inal court last week on a charge of bigamy. After the jury has returned a verdict of guilty Judge McReynolds remarked: 'The best I can do, Crum, is to give you the minimum.' 'Lordy, mercy me, jedge, don't do dat! I'd rather go to the pen,' said Crum."—Atlanta Constitution. TORE HIS SKIN OFF In Shreds—Itching Was Intense-* Sleep Waa Often Impossible. Cured by Cuticura In Three Weeks. "At first an eruption of small pus tules commenced on my hands. These spread later to other parts of my body, and the itching at times was Intense, so much so that I literally tore the skin off in shreds In seeking relief. The awful itching interfered with my work considerably, and also kept me awake nights. I tried several doc tors and used a number of different ointments and lotions but received practically no benefit. Finally I set tled down to the use of Cuticura Soap, Cuticura Ointment and Cuticura Pills, with the result that in a few days all itching had ceased and in about three weeks' time all traces of my eruption had disappeared. I have had no trou ble of this kind 61nce. H. A. Kruts koff, 5714 Wabash Ave., Chicago, Til-, November 18 and 28, 1907." Vtttar Drug Chom. Corp., Sola Prop** flwtn. Boy's Essay on Clothing. Here is an extract from an essay, written by a boy in a London school! "Clothing is an article which everjf body should wear. The least of this article is worn by savages or natives, which is a piece of cloth or a few leaves or feathers round the waist in cold countries, same as Eskimos, the people wear more clothes than we do, count of the icy cold out there. They can skate all the year round, except about one thaw there is in summer. If they walked about like natives they would catch cold directly and die of bronkitis. We put clothes on which are nearly like our bodies, some have caps, coats and trousers, but wKttnen and girls wear hats and frocks to tell who they are." The Fez a Necessity. All through the markets of every Turkish city and village are little shops where the fez can be pressed and Ironed for a few cents. At his prayers a Moslem could not use a hat with a brim, as his head must press the prayer rug a certain number of times during each prayer. As the head must be covered at all times, a fez or some other brimless covering must be used. Avoiding Popularity. "How shall we avoid popularity?" John Wesley once asked his preach era, and straightway gave them the answer in a set of rules. Here is rule 4: "Warn the people among whom you are most of esteeming or loving you too much." And here, is rule 5: "Con verse sparingly with those who are particularly fond of you." 8ECRET WORKERS The Plan Upon Which Coffee Operates Coffee la sucli a secret worker that It is not suspected as the cause of sick ness or disease, but there is a very sure way to find out the truth. A lady in Memphis gives an Inter esting experience her husband hud with coffee. It seems that he had been using it for some time and. was an Invalid. The physician In charge shrewdly suspected that coffee was the "Worm at 'tfce foot of the tree," afiir ordered It discontinued with instructionis to use Postum regularly In its place. The wife- says: "We found that was the true remedy for his stomach and heart trouble «nd we would hare glad ly paid a hundred times the amount of the doctor's charge when we found how wise his Judgment was. "The use of Postum Instead Of cof fee was begun about a year ago, and It has made my husband a strong, well num. He has gained thirty-five pounds In that time and Ids stomach and heart troubles have all disappeared. The first time I prepared it 1 did slot boll it long enough and he said there was something wrong with'tt Sure enough It did taste very fiat but the .next moaning followed directions carefully, boiling It for fifteen minutee, and he remarked tbif is better than any of the ..old coffee.' "We use Postum regularly and never tire of telling our friends of ttib bene flt we have received from leaUng off bbok for the little book, "The Road to Wollville," inpkgs. "There's a ReasdtL" fev«r nil tiw A trmm da* to Mac. fall t( Oil Heat Without Smoke No matter how sensitive your olfactory nerves may be, or under what working conditions you en counter the PERFECTION On Heater ([(Equipped with 8mokeleea Device]] you'll not detect the slightest odor of smoke. The new Automatic Smokeless Device1 positively prevents both. Removed in an instant for cleaning. Solid brass font holds 4 quarts of oil—sufficient to give out a glowing heat tor nours—solid brass wide carriers—damper top—cool handle—oil indicator* xieatcr beautifully finished in nickel or Japan in a variety of styles. Dealcf Ev£iywhere* II Not At Toots, Write lor Descriptive rimilif to the Nearest Agency o! the STANDARD Oil COHPAKY (Iaowpoivted) A MAN OF RESOURCE. Actor (of provincial company)—« Can you give me ten cents on ac count? I must get a shave. I have been playing Hamlet for four days, and my beard is beginning to grow. Manager—Well, that's easily reme died. We'll put on Othello. FREED AT LAST tdungratefulstimeaandeofvexunthedidtwoIhTexas,ofDoan'sKidneytroublemyFifteenonewasifforIlofloutime,me.whatthePwasandgokidneytoyearsyallfortoetellHenrietta,niTorturesmiserybenotKdoneyearsclungistencewholeableachedDisease.Ivie,AwfulbackwouldRachelMy"ItheMrs.Fromsays:house. I was utterly weak, unable at times to walk without assistance. The kidney secretions were very irregular. Doan's Kidney Pills restored me to good health, and I am able to do as much work as the average woman, though nearly eighty years old." Remember the name—Doan's. Sold by all dealers. 60 cents a box. Foster Milburn Co., Buffalo, N. Y. Special Note from Atchison. The engagement of Mr. Hiram Har desty and Miss Suzette Snarley is an nounced. It occurred the other even ing at 9:45 on the red sofa in Miss Snarley's parlor. The young lady was dressed in black, and wore no orna ments. She did not look unusually pretty, and what caused the young man's mental aberration is not known. Neither one could remember exactly what was said, and both admitted it was not the first time he kissed her. We print the details for the romantic young things who are always curlouB to know how an engagement Is brought about.—Atchison Globe. Important to Mothers. Examine carefully every bottle et CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for infants and children, and see that It Bears the Signature of In Use For Over 30 Tears. The Kind You Have Always Bought That Single Thought. You've heard the old story of sweet wedded bliss, of the two hearts that flutter as one, and the two souls sin gle-thought sealed With a kiss, and have wondered, no doubt, how 'twas done. As a wise one who was by ex perience taught, this effect we will briefly explain in most of the cases that "one single thought" is: "I wish I was single again!" Tie next time you have a cold on the lungs try rubbing Wizard Oil on your cheat and see how qpickly it will draw out the inflammation and break up the cold. Every man has his gift, and the tools go to him that can use them.— C. Kingsley. WHEW TOUR JOINTS ARK STIFF and nnseles aora from cold, rbenmstlim or nenrml when ip.itri.in or brolae yourself on Parry DfcTla' PalnldlUr. Tha bom* ranady 70 ye*ra. Conscience is something those who need it haven't got The Etjccepiional Equipment of the California Fig Symp Co. and th| scientific attainments of its chemists haw rendered possible the production of Syrup of Figi and Elixir of Senna, in all of its excellence, by obtaining the pure medic inal principles of plants known to act mo4 beneficially and combining them mod skillfully, in the right proportions, with its wholesome and refkwliinf Sjyrup of California Fip. As there is only one genuine Syrup of Fip and Elixir of Soma and as the gen uine is manufactured by an original method known to the California Fig Syrup Co. only, it is always necsssaiy to buy tbe genuine to get its htniftrisl aflselssi tft'ilaaKna !»,!| '1** ID TOWttlk if, upon viewt^tbejiaid^jthBf^igaaw cftheG*liforaiaFlK8yrapCo!i»»ol leua# «the fros*