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4 THE DAILY GLOBE OFFICIAI. PAPER OF THE CITY 11BLISHED EVERY DAY AT THE GLOBE BUILDING, CvRNER FOURTH ANP CEDAK STREETS. . ST. PAUL GLOBE SUBSCRIPTION RATE Daily (Not Including Sunday.) 1 vr In advance.?- 00 I 3 m in advauce.S2.nO tin in advance. 400 | _ weeks in adv. 1 00 One m0uth...... 70c. DAILY AND SUNDAY. __,_„, 3 vt in advance.SlO 00 I '3 mos. in adv..s2 50 <i)i in advance. 500 ! 5 weeks in udv. 100 One month **-5c SUNDAY ALONE. •J vr In advance. .s'_ 00 1 3 mos. In adv.. . .50c < ii,. in advance.. 1 00 I Im. in advauce.2oc Thi-Weekly— (Daily— Monday, Wednesday and Friday.) - „„ rt „ *st in advance. 00 |(J mos. in adv..s 1 00 i, mouths in advance — $100. WEEKLY ST. PAUL GLOBE. One year. SI | Six mo., 05c | Three mo., 35c Rejected communications cannot be pre icn cd. Aadress all letters and telegrams to THE GLOBE, St. Paul, Minn. Eastern Advertising Office- Room 76, Tribune Building, New York. Complete files of the GLOBF.alwayskepton Land for reference. Patrons and friends are cordially invited to visit and avail themselves of the facilities of our Eastern Office while ] ii yew York. j TODAY'S WEATHER. Washington, Dec. 17.— For lowa and Min nesota: Generally fair: west winds; warmer in lowa and eastern portion of Minnesota. For Wisconsin: Fair: south to west winds; -warmer. For Dakota and Montana: Local snows; brisk west lo northwest winds; fall ing temperature, except in eastern portion of South Dakota. general observations. United States Department op Aoricult- Tm*. Wis kb Bureau. Washington. Dec. 17,0:18 p. m. Local Time, ? p. m. 7.th Merid ian Time.— Observations takcti at the same moment of time at all stations. _| "^7" !r w La H M W- *_>< p - I", S-g- 32 Place of 35 g g place of. §- = 8 Observation, Bo s & Observation, „2.5 & a f m ° • 5" ? • » : : 2 ••71 . . 7 St. Paul ."77! 29.96 20 j Havre 29.88 34 Duliiln -i'J.iK) 18 Miles City... 29.98 36 La Crosse. .. 30.00 18 Helena 30.20 34 Huron 29.90 24 Calgary... . 29.80 38 Pierre 29.98 3.' IMed'eHat... 29.82 34 Moorhead... 29.74 26 Qu'Appelle. 39.72 26 Bismarck. 29.84 32 |Sw't Cur'ent 29.68 30 Ft. i; lord.. -:0. S(i 32 1 |W i i peg . . 29. . r 20 i — - —Below zero. P.P. -.tons. Local Forecast Official. THE AMERICAN DIVORCE. A few days ago the district court of Ramsey county granted a divorce to a woman who had been married but six weeks. We Americans assert with great pride that ours is the country of the home and fireside, and firmly be lieve that morality in Europe is in a putrid state. But had this occurred in any nation of the old world, it would have created a sensation. in St. Paul the newspapers gave it a mere para graph, and nobody stopped to read it the second time. It may be that in this particular case the woman was united to a drunken brute, who be stowed upon her kicks instead of sup port; but nobody took any time to inquire about that, or, in fact, to give a second thought to the case. The November calendar of the district court contained eighteen divorce cases. And yet Minnesota" is not considered loose upon the divorce question. it certainly is not in com parison with South" Dakota, -Michigan and many other states. In South Da kota a divorce-seeker gains a standing In court after living in the state three months, and mere incompatibility of temper is sufficient ground for the pro ceeding. As a result thousands of peo ple flock to 'that state, remain the re quired time, secure their decrees and return to their true homes.' A husband in St. Paul becomes infatuated with another.woman, tells his* wife that he has a big business deal in South Dakota "which may detain him several months. The wife waits patiently for his return, and when the expected time draws nigh prepares a loving reception for him. Then the terrible news breaks upon her that he is no longer hers. The home and fireside are desolated, and left in a gloom which will never rise. It is folly to say that the security of tho marriage relation lies in love, for if this were true lovers would continue devoted to each other without the nup tial tie. In France, where the marriage ceremony is very commonly ignored, it is found that not one per cent of those •who live together without wedlock re main long together. Nor is this prac tice in France indulged in only by low people. A very large per cent of the intelligent, industrious and honest ele ment resort to it. It is popularly asserted in this coun try that those who seek divorces are misniated. If this were true, consider ing the vast number of divorces which nre granted daily in the United States, it would tend most strongly to show that marriage is a failure. If it is so difficult for men and women to become mated satisfactorily, marriage must be in the way, instead of a promoter of our social happiness. But it is not true. The experience of mankind has proved conclusively that the bond of marriage is necessary to hold the par ties together through all the freaks of feeling to which circumstance gives rise. A trifling misunderstanding is (suppressed by the tie; without the tie it would have grown to an insurmountable barrier. A very large per cent of our divorce' Beckers act through a perfect under standing with the parties concerned. In these case, it is most invariably the wife who applies for the decree. The husband says to the wife, "You apply for a divorce and I'll not resist." In states where incompatibility of temper is a ground, this 'is a very easy trans action. If the marriage tie is to be severed so easily, why have it at all? Americans are led astray on the sub ject of divorce by a sentiment of chivalry. The man who abuses a woman is de spised. Many women are united to drunKen and otherwise unworthy hus bands, and the chivalrous sentiment has led us to easy divorce laws for the pro tection of such But we have goue too far. It is time the people were aroused* to the fact that our divorce laws are culti vating lechery, and leading to the de struction of our firesides and social or ganization, and that the time is rapidly Approaching when the legitimacy of a considerable portion of the rising gen erations will be questionable. - Senator Pettigrkw, '*.-; of j? South Da kota, favors a national divorce law. Of course, the power of states to make di vorce laws cannot be taken from them and given to the federal government without a constitutional amendment. If such an amendment were passed, here would be an end of people becom ing temporary residents of states for the sake of securing divorces. Then, if tho law passed by congress should in clude a provision prohibiting the de fendants in divorce cases from marry ing again, we would have 99 per cent less divorce cases and a vastly greater number of happy firesides. The woman who has a brute for a husband would •till bo protected, and when she pro cured her divorce she would stand as a benefactor to womankind, for the brute would be disqualified from foisting him self upon another woman. THE SENATOIISHIP. It is beyond dispute that nine-tenths' of Minnesota Republicans belong to the Blame, or conservative faction of the party. They are opposed to extreme McKinleyism, to the force bill and to billion-dollar extravagance. They re alize that the country has suffered from the reckless radicalism of the Harri son- McKislev- Davenport policy, and that Minnesota, with its vast agri- < cultural interests, has especially suf fered from excessive tariff taxation. Therefore a man who upholds McKin leyism in its utmost impositions, who gives his support to the repudiated force bill and votes for federal bayonets at election booths, and who persistently encourages the criminal extravagance which occasions a deficit in the treas ury notwithstanding the enormous rev enues accruing from excessive taxation —such a man, we say. is representative of the tenets of the controlling faction in the national Republican party, but unrepresentative of the principles aud desires of Minnesota Republicans. C. K. Davis is, such a man. He is In entire accord with the national policy of his party— the policy which turned Blame down and led the party to the most disastrous defeat ever suffered by any political party in this country. But he is not in accord with his party in this state. If Minnesota Republicans desire merely to send a faithful servitor of Mc- Kinlev, of Davenport, of the Pacific railroads and of corporation interests in general to the senate, they will re-elect C. K. Davis. But if they desire to send to the senate a man who. will be representative of themselves, and who will put the interests of Minnesota be fore the interests of the mill owners of Rhode Island, they will not send C. K. Davis back to Washington as his own successor. '<- :■ NO 25- YEAR LEASES. Gen. Patrick A. Collins, of Massa chusetts, expresses his belief that the Democratic party will hold power for a generation. The Globe hopes not. It hopes, that no political party will ever again hold uninterrupted power for so long a period in this country. The experiment has been tried once, and it has proved disastrous. The party of Sumner and Lincoln and Seward has degenerated into the party of Quay and Dudley and Davenport. Too much success did it. Too much and too long-continued power resulted in deterioration, corruption, venality. It is the universal lesson, learned in every age and clime since and before it was taught in the decay and fall of the Roman empire. A sense of security In power almost invariably leads to the abuse of power. It lulls the political conscience into "dangerous desuetude. Wo want no more twenty-five-year 1 leases of power in this country. Dame Democracy is a trifle hungry just now, but she knows that overfeeding is bad for tire digestion. HERE'S A HOWDY-DO. A question of thrilling international importance is up for decision before the Paris courts. It is no less than a ques tion of precedence between South Da kota and the Dutch in the divorce busi ness. A Hollaud court granted a divorce to the Chevalier DE St elks, and a South Dakota court granted one to the cheval ieress. Now the two high contracting parties to this disunion have met on the supposedly neutral territory of France for the purpose of determining whether South Dakota has any rights which Hol land is bound to respect, and vice versa. The custody of the child, sole and un fortunate relic of the doubly dissolved matrimonial alliance of theDK Steurses is the specific point in controversy. Holland said the chevalier should have the child, and South Dakota gallantly insisted that the chevalieress should have him or her or it (the sex being an after consideration not spiead upon the minutes). Now Paris has been ap pealed to, like its namesake of Trojan fame, to settle the discord. The case lias been set for trial on Jan. 22, and meanwhile the world can only hold its breath and await in harrowing sus pense the issue of this dire conflict be tween nether Dakota and the Nether lands. THE UGANDA QUESTION. Two weeks or more past the cable has brought us driblets of news that Glad stone is threatened with overthrow by his policy in this matter. The corre spondents over there seem to take it for granted that Americans are thoroughly posted in all English matters, hence they have failed to give information of what this question is. As nearly as can be learned at this distance, it is about this: A commercial company of English men holds forth iv the eastern part of South Africa, covering the Ugan da country. The British govern ment has been protecting the in terests of this company with troops sta tioned in ptominentlocalities of the ter ritory. Germany and Frauce are look ing with wistful eyes toward that country; at least, that is the suspicion of England. The Conservatives have tried to make it appear that Gladstone's policy will include the withdrawal of these troops, thus leaving a clear field for Germany and France to enter. Mr. Gladstone has, however, come to the front with the assertion that he has at no time announced any such policy, and that the question is merely under con sideration by the new government. It looks as though the Conservatives have been too previous with* their onslaught upon the new government. TnE Globe protests that isn't fair to Be H-rAMiN Harrison for the Mew York Her ald to print his last message and George Washington's farewell address iv parallel columns. The country be a trifle disap pointed in Ben, but it never expected him to strike the gait of the father of his country. A Nebraska politician is now accused of saying "had went," and the press of the country is proceeding to ring the changes on this trivial circumstance. We protest that this grammatical particularity has" went too far. Are we in a free country, or where \ are we at? "'-?\^'. '•r-> : -'-'- - : ''':■'■'- .■ ;. Some of our exchanges are concerned about the future residence and career of Benjamin Harrison. It is all simple enough, lie will just go quietly bacc to Injiauy, take a box scat in the corner grocery, whittle a stick and. talk it all over with the boys. It transpires that Editor SnEP»RD's busi ness manager takes red pepper, with his brandy. This explains the mystery of how he braces himself for the strain of close as sociation with such rampant piety. Before Sahta Claus goes prowling about St. Paul after dark, we advise him to stic_ a six-shooter iv his belt and a bowie knife in his boot, and be ready for burglars and foot pads. - ■ The Davis shouters remember Wikdoh, and reflect that this is an iconoclastic age, that idols are easily smashed, and that theirs is only of common clay. -'*£::"■■ The C. K. Davis strength is In a condition of alarming Inflation.. It will no more stand pricking than will a scintillating soap bubble. Watch aud see. A^' " *" TOE .SAINT PAUL DAILY GLOBE: STJNDA-T MORNING, DECEMBER 18, J 892.— TWENTY PAGISS. v CURRENT CHAT. I Said a. sport-loving gentleman, in talking of the Moth-King wreilling match: "After seeing these athletes at work one can easily understand the idolizing of gladiators in the heroic days of Greece. , Wrestling on a padded floor Js surely the * essence • of pure : combatative sport, leaving out betting on. the result. Any parlor in St. Paul might have been the scene of that long struggle, so far as the wrestlers were concerned. And any one who admires tests of power and en durance, as every properly constituted man' aud woman does, might watcn the exhibi tion without a blush or a fear. • "It is a pity, iv my opinion, that this sport is not more publicly developed in all its hu man beauty. Recall the scene: A generous square of white, strong canvas nailed -* down over a thick bedding of sawdust; a score or two of men surrounding it on three sides; in front hundreds ot gleaming, expectant faces. At one side of the stage sits a rather hand some, bulky, but trim and agile youth, smooth-faced, with no sigu of nervousness, barring a somewhat anxious gleam in the eyes. Enveloped in a sweater he looks like au extra player on a base ball or football team waiting a call for his services. Across the stage is bis opponent, sitting with his legs extended, looking confident and easy, but watchful as a fox. He aiso wears a sweater, which deceives the careless looker as to his real upper-body development. ."Presently the referee is agreed on and in terviews the men to establish a mutual un derstanding as to rules, points, etc. Tne sweaters are removed on the settlement of preliminaries, and the wrestlers advance to the center of the padded square. There is no hurry.no rush to close quarters. As they shake hands let us size them up a bit. The older, but taller and lighter, man is swarthy, slightly bald, with mossy breast, little and sprinsv of step, handles him self like the master at tho gains he undoubtedly is, and - every fiber of Ills frame looks alert and ready. The legs are long and a trifle thin seemingly, but the feet are moving quickly, and with a sure rest on the cloth. .The upper body is satisfying to a critical eye, above the loins palpitating with muscles that will not ache under strain of the engagement; branching from the pow erful shoulders are two arms that have stood the test of hours in contests with highly developed athletes in many parts ot the world. Charles Moth, dark-faced, with small black mustache, restless eyes aud in position to play for hold, looks fit to last through many hours of trying play.- "Reaching out his hand to the German Is an entirely different type of perfect man hood. The head is of good shape, the face engaging in repose, eyes well set and kindly in expression " Gleaming white flesh, of marmorean firmness, covers great clusters of muscle and sinew which go to make up a trunk good to look at. The arms are shorter than Moth's, though stouter; the upper body Is much heavier and the legs more pillar like, but the feet lack something . in sinewy movement aud hold that is very noticeable iv the other man. Attached to the waist band of his black trunks on either side are the British and American colors. The old wrestler disdains sentiment; the young ath lete caters to it enough to please, those who love a flag. As he stands with the right hand grasping. his opponent's, the left swing ing al ease. Jack King looks the ideal Anglo- Saxon gladiator— quiet-looking, confident in mien, with courage enough to outlast even great bodily strength. "The men begin to play for hold at once, with open hands smartly catchiug each other about the body, arms and neck. Presently the two heads come together, aud from now ou the contest has a good deal of headwork in it. intellectually and in reality. A few feints, breaks and fruitless grips bring the interlocked men to the canvas, and hero the cat-like Dlay of the tawny-skinned veteran is seen to perfection. Kind-looking as a kitten. King makes reaches, clinches and locks but Moth knows every trick at this game of giants, and several exciting turn-ups win deafening applause, in recognition of the powerful play of the one and the agile, lightning-like work of the other. The darker body begins to perspire . freely, and the hard, white fingers of the heavier man slip, slip, from every hold that is not bound by aTock. Around and around, head to head, arms never at rest, the chords of power ever at high tension, not uttering a word, the wrestl ers move, with" hands clasped oyer each other's necks when not on all fours. '* 3 An hour "and fifteen minutes with no fall allowed, though King tins thrice put Moth' one shoulder down by: grand efforts of strength. Then a rip iii the carpet -gives chance for a rest. "Friends in readiness take possession of the parting men and vigorously slap and rub. the muscle centers with open hands. Arms outstretched and legs extended full length, wrestlers look a bit worried in wind, but bear little sign of exhaustion. With the rip sewed, tho referee calls time, and once again the men shake hands. There are a few min utes of work with both standing, then the white-skinned chap gets a partial grapevine pauses a moment, tightens the twist a bit, both gather themselves, and the spectators can forward excitedly. Pipestem limbs lwouli break here, but not the interlocked, trained legs of these physical wonders. Closely locked, every chord straining, the two men become one in a hot, quick and ex citing movement. King has the call for a 1 moment, while the action is yet incomplete, but Moth has all his wits about him, and turns when to turn seems impossible under the impetus of the giant who grips him, re verses position like a flash, an arm shoots out, legs untwine, the white skin of two ox like shoulders presses the canvas for a mo ment right in front of the eyes of the crouch ing referee, and Moth has won a fall. • ' "That moment's hot work has set all hearts beating, but on .catching their breath the spectators send up a shout of acclaim for the victor, : mingled with cries of "No" from some who were not as close as Referee Barnes when man aud canvas came to gether.. Again the slapping and rubbing process is gone through for ten minutes, aud when they meet this time King's head is ach ing. His eyes betray the fact, but he gives no sign. A long series of quiet but dangerous movements are now witnessed. Then the man with the colors at his waist goes into action. Struggling for position in the stout chap's, embrace, Moth goes down. He falls hard on one shoulder, but that wonder ful head and neck are his safety, as he spins over. King has raised his weight for a moment aud his opportunity is lost. At another time he lifts the tricky German bod ily, with no seeming effort, but the latter has taken possession of one of those admirable legs in a close wrap aud he must perforce be let down. On the canvas he is safe, and • though the younger man tries many a move to secure a leverage he is balked at every turn. It is a wearying . game of watch and wait now, and after resting inactive for many minutes the "men agree to call it: a draw. No one was hurt, no vicious work was done, but one of the greatest contests of its kind was recorded, and every spectator was as well satisfied as the Romans who de manded the blood of the gladiators." The scenes in the French chambers as, day by day, the Panama scandal gets additional disclosure, shows that French statesmen of this day have about the same moral fiber as those in the days of Talleyrand had. £ ' Dyrenforth hasn't brought down much rain iv Texas, but his dynamite tone to the Democratic celebrating. L.INES TO FRIENDSHIP, [Written for the Globe.] Here's a health to thee, L. G.— . s And here's another, too, For in thy genial face I see ! - The lines of friendship true. " -.- • • -,---. 11. When I lift the crystal glass . . To quaff the sparkling wine. Whene'er my lips it pass I'll drink to thee and thine. And when I've drained the lingering drop That to its base doth cling, . . i"-*:^ Nor then, nor ever, shall I stop '; - Or cease thy praise to sing. '. • •- . And when again I meet you I'll grasp the flowing bowl, I'll driuK a health to greet yon, ■ ■...'-;■ _%s," drink with all my soul. : :' : :.: ■:-.':■'■-: :.-'- ■'.-„'•-; :'".:.. -J. R. McM. LAUGH WITH THE GLOBE. They were out just a week on their brida tour. • .'..■"•' •.-■*. . She— My own. do you find me Just every- j thing you expected me to be? He— Yes, my love, a thousand, thousand -times more than I expected, and there is only one thing in the world concerning you that troubles me.-' '. ~\ r ]'. _v '£ ." \. : -'"'-he (alarmed) — Oh, Charlie what can that-be? . * . He— r_m iv the fix the boy was in that had. the cake. He wanted to eat it and" "could n't and.keep it. „ ;„,„ ,_.- '.'• ?| .:>. - - * »>-- .: •-:'•' *-| ,/■• . .■ ■ :■ *- - - ■ ■ -.- •,-» - They were a country pair at the circus, tie holding by the hand the girl he won at the last spelling school of the winter season by '.'licking the bully." They paused some vexo* - meuts looking at the sacred cow as she licked ' her ' calf, affectionately, then .passed to an elephaut with a huge pair of tusks over its mouth, and'a baby elephant standing .by Its side. . . . '''p£f~ .: 4 2 She— Jerry, how on earth kin that critter lick its young? v .t7: - '■■* ! He— Why. gosh dang it, wi.h its ; trunk, ov course, Sal. ."y_»^. ' .; t * * i '» - * Dr. Pairburn (to the janitor)— Ole, what do' you think about that | man at Owatouna who; drank a quart of alcohol and died? Ole— ai tank a hay' c porty veak stomik.'''', ~;'.v-v. j; "What's your line?" asked a Chicago travel ing man of a New York traveling man at the Ryan. ; r~ :>^; "This," said the one addressed, as he drew " from his pocket a long string, indicating that he represented a twine house. What's your line?" _©s> "This." said the Chicago man, as he drew from his pocket a long sausage skin. And it was a fact that his line consisted oi nothing but sausage . skins, which he sells to manu facturers of Wienerwurst and other sausage. "I kin alius tell how much a man is wufF from th' size ov his tip," remarked a colored' waiter at the Ryan hotel, as he picked up 10 cents from one plate, which was just desert ed, and 51) cents from another. '->. "Of course." said the gentleman still at the table who was about ready to drop his . tip. -"That's easy to tell. The man who dropped the 50 cents is a rich man, and the 1 one who left the 10 cents is probably a dry . goods clerk who lives on a small salary." "No, sab: hit's jes' 'zaclly th' oder way." - , -./.'..' »'». ■"■'. ■'- '■'■•■i.'T-J-^- '« ; Guest (who has sent the waiter back sev eral times to change dishes, and is still kick ing)—l wish the chef— '' ■■; -';,:. Waiter (hastily)— Yes. sah; yes, 'sah;' I bring urn in. -- <-.'>..";;-, '-':". i;r. ■ Guest— will you do It ? . ~~\-_ . Waiter— On toast, or any way to please you, sah. ':*>:.; ■ z : :~.j SOLVING THE PROBLEM. A short time ago a magazine whose am bition exceeded its circulation advertised a ! piano to be. given for the first correct answer ' to the following: "If 3'JO . cats eat 300 rats in 3.0 days. .how many cats will it lake to eat 100 rats in 100 days?" In an unlucky mo men t for myself and friends. I determined to find the answer, and for j the time being be came changed from an intelligent member of society into little short of a lunatic. I intended to solve the problem in about five minutes. Alas! minutes melted into hours.- I neglected- my dinner, my supper, and even forgot to go to bed. I tried it by fractions. I tried it by decimals, I tried It by algebra, I got desperate and called in the aid of my neighbors; we studied and studied uutil at last I dreamt cats and ate rats. Individuals, trees, horses or rattle snakes became but so many rats or cats to my disordered imagination. "We bought 300 apples and tried to imagine ourselves 300 cats, but we only made our- j selves sick with no satisfactory result. I went ( arouud muttering, "cats, rats, rats, cats," until I was worn to the bone. Then we formed a select "Rat and Cat Society,' * and after hard work, decided that logical reason ing proved the answer to bel.tt cats, and im plored the editor to forward the piano im mediately, even offering to provide the other three-fourths of the unfortunate cat to clear 1 the editorial office of rats, if he would hasten his reply. > . — ;_- '; .- .;- ■ i ,- •_» l.ljjj Upon receiving notice that we had made a mistake the members of our society, who had survived the-' 1 disappointment, set out to catch I rats I and cats ; ? to prove that we were correct. After making a business of hanging -around roofs and back fences with boot jacks, old _ shoes _iid & pop-guns' for many ' nights - vv wo had- -.succeeded in catching ten sick - looking ' cats, when my ten -year -old niece returned from school and found the correct answer in ten minutes. Two" of tho select R. and C. society had committed suicide and four had taken to drink, the remaining members looked shaky, but are slowly recovering their health. But we all have our opinion about a paper that would publish such a simple pro blem and expect educated people to "come down" to It. .411 we have to show for our work is the twenty-five cents we make by sell ing our cats to the sausage factory. SHE PI-AYS THE PIANO. There's a lady above me who lives in a flat; I wish that the demons would lake her. * If I put it too strongly in speaking like that, I'll amend so that Satan may shake her. .-,. She doesn't care ••shucks" if I register ticks And blacken the air with profaning. To her little piano she cleverly sticks. Tho' the neighborhood's pining and pain ing. , - » .;-:?:'-:'. - (There she goes.) - :.-.; Ting turn, ting turn, ting turn. ting. Ting turn, ting turn, tins; turn, ting. (She sings "Maid of Athens.") "Mai dof Atheu zere we pa-r-t, Gi yo gi vme back my h-e-a-r-t. i (Ting, ting, tine.) Or since tha tas lef tmy breast,. Kee pit now aud ta ktli rest. . 0 hear mi' vow (ting, ting, ting.) ; a J Befo ri go (ting, ting, ting.) Ohe rmi vow befo ri go-o-o-o ' (Something breaks.) . .*, She murders Beethoven and Mendelssohn, too. f- In a style very much Jack the Ripper. And Chopin and Mozart she'll gleefully woo - ;•> ' When her mood is inclined to be chipper. Romanzas and nocturnes are five o'clock teas, . __fTSs_P*??T- ~ -.-_. While rondos she gobbles for dinner. You can talk as you like, aud remark what . you please, .;:-~r~'-- : . : ■ •'..-' .;' . But* the girl iv this flat is a winner. (She's at it again.) Tine, ting, te ting, ting, ting, te ting, Tiddle, ding, de ding, ding, ding, ding. (She warbles "Sally in Our Alley.") "Aw vail, thelay, deesiu our laud, - . ./. There znoue likepro ty-Sallee-ee-ee-ee, . (Tine, ting.) She is the da-a-rling aw vmy heart, , c And she liv, zdowivin. our a-allee-ee-eo, . i There zuot a mai den in our land Tha tsaf so swee tas Sal-al-ee, cc, cc, t For she zth. darlih aw-aw-aw-_w-aw-aw-aw_^ aw vmy ha-a-a-a-art. -*.•--■•.*'•- s*» And she liv. (ting), zdown in, (ting), our a-a lee-ee-ee." Paderewski. the Pole, is all right In his way, And impossible music can handle. But compared with the girl in the flat he's a ** jay. ■:. O And against her he can't hold a candle. {_/ The music ain't sweet or pathetic withal, But the noise is so diff'rent and roomy That I cannot help liking the dame for her \ gall. •-." • *-*, And the Fates that escorted her to me. j " (Ah, a song; we'll listen.) :***y [ "On Sunday night we take a walk, '•■»_/ - On Monday we take beer, On Tuesday night we taKe a bath, Aud so from year to year. [Horrors l] . U On Wednesday we play poker, \ si On Thursday night we roam; But there is no flies on Gallagher / When Mary. Murphy's home." I've mentioned a few of the ballads sheyelli, Just to show the extent of my patience. - j i And the very best part of my nature rebels ' ■■'-. 'Gainst this scourge q£ all peoples and na ': tions. - — .*-"■ But a blessed, particular solace I've got, ... „ When she pummels and plunges and bel ■- , lows. ' '■_' ■•'•■ :.-•'■ .xi ■--'"- -i-" 5 1 often retire to the rear of my lot. And warble and garble, as folio ."*•-., . (As sung -.by Dave Martin and T. H. Carter.) Comrades, comrades, - v - r :f'.'.'^ Ever since we were men. -r \ -^ - . - Sharing each other's clap-trap, Booming old Grandpa Ben. - '.-■•.'• Comrades when Blame spoke at ODhir, .'* * Frying whate'er might be fried: - -:.. - When danger - threatened, the measly old . v ' wildcat ■■:..-.." '■".••.-'. . -~_ : ~l Wa s there by my side. "*; .- '— M. J. DONNELLT. --•:-/-. ■ '. -_, •' •'■-- "*-":-;*■ LEARNING STENOGRAPHY. I didn't realize that I was a remarkable . character until I went to a shorthand college; then I wouldn't shake off the feeling that I was not exactly like the other scholars. -I struggled long and painfully with the prob lem and filially solved It was not because I was more accurate or rapid than the others, but I didn't chew gum. While that class of forty-four female and v two male jaws wagged -in perfect harmony I felt an outcast . aud a stranger. It fas a beautiful sight to see those jaws work lb steadily and evenly. I -am surprised that some Yankee inventor has not put this per jjptual motion to a good use: I have studied them, and think with a little training we could dispense with steam and electricity and use; jaw power entirely. After I had }geen at college week I began to . live % and. dream ' in shorthand. I attempted to write my sister a let ter in loug band. one sentence of which read, "a peas ov pie to et," and the rest was about as intelligible. About that time Charlie asked me to go for a drive; I demurely answered, "Upper case, capital letter I. space, will space, be space, delighted space, lower case held down strike period," and looked up to find him with both eyes sticking out of his head and looking as if he was prepared to take to his heels if I opened my mouth again. It suddenly dawned upon me what I must have said, and only my prompt explanation that ;"I thought I was typewriting" pre vented him from thinking I ' needed a straight jacket and a keeper. The next few weeks were nightmares of lit tle black letters, inkribbons and a wild strug gle to spell by sound in shorthand and ac cording to the dictionary in copying it, and I was beginning to doubt my sanity, when I luckily awoke from my delirium to find I had graduated. V- ■ ." ; ; ; My first position was with two lawyers, and after 1 had written their . first letter it was with the greatest difficulty that J, prevented them from falling on my neck and weep ing tears of joy. They had employed sixty-five different stenographers, but had finally given v > all hopes of punctuation in despair, except periods; Somehow periods seemed to be the strong point of all sixty-five. They had approached the sixty-fifth with a faint hope beaming in their mild.. blue eyes, and humbly asked her 'if she thought they could have a question mark added to their machine,' where upon ' she arose in her wrath and scorn fully remarking, 'She hain't come there to he insulted," departed. They had also con cluded it was the unruly machine that couldn't be made to spell correctly. The popular belief that lawyers are very gentle and credulous creatures is the only way I cau account for the way that office was be sieged by book agents and Sisters of Charity. When they saw one coming they used to make a dive for the vault, generally up setting inkstands, chairs and stenog rapher, if they impeded their headlong flight, leaving me to pick myseif up and po litely inform the visitor '-the gentlemen had just stepped (?) out." I got used to that, but one day when they saw a fascinating female with red curls and "Grant's Life" under ncr aim approaching, they shut themselves in so securely that 1 was twelve hours finding a locksmith that could pick the combination. The air in the vault was azure. 1 .resigned, returned to my home and immlged in a tit of nervous prostration for a month. , Then I went into the oilice of a nice, elder- ! ly gentleman of sixty, who proposed to me in a week. I left, alter telling him "1 was ' already supplied with a century plant at home, whom we culled Grandpa." My ! last position was with ~- an impecunious newspaper. I stuck to it until its' death, ; which occurred in three weeks, nad 1 was left minus position and salary, and all [ I had to show for my work was a bundle of ' ancient newspapers. The pictures iii them i were doubtless wcry ) fascinating to : one who was well fed, but were } quite inadequate to subdue the crav- ' ings of hunger, and my credit was get-! ting poor.so I gave it up and married Charlie. * I advise other girls to try coal heaving* or - woodchoppiug; that is light worn compared to being a typewritrix— excuse a "poet's, license" for coining words, but I consider : that the proper name for the female motive j power of a typewriting machine. " - | -I ■yl have since inquired as to the fate of the rest of my class; twenty-five are taking in washing, two have taken iv husbands and plain sewing, the two males sell crockery, and some are really stenographers, mostly looking for a job. What I went through is not easily forgot ten, and to this day I find myself murmuring to the baby, "Capital Darling, space comma. Mamma, space, loves, space," etc., etc." -f. jSf HE CALLED THE TURN. : On the morning of the last election day the schoolma'am of one of the rooms in the Harri son school asked for an expression of her chil dren, who averaged about ten years in age, as to whom they thought would be elected, Harrison or Cleveland. -/ "I think Harrison will be elected," said she. •Now. all you who thiuk as I do, please arise." Every child arose except one little boy of ten years. And when she called for the vote on Cleveland he alone jumped to his feet. "Why, Freddy, lam surprised." And this remark of the- teacher resulted in every scholar making life miserable for him the re mainder of the day. _. .. ' But the next morning when the news that Cleveland was elected by an overwhelming majority broke, the exultation of Freddy, as he walked into school, can be better imag ined than described: He was the cock of the walk, and is to the present time looked up to by all the school, even the mighty school ma'am sinking into Insignificance beside him. /G3&. _____________________________ '■ 'i wrr __n________3_a__a _______a Christmas Suggestions •_____^ .__•___■_ •a__________________a T£_r _a_a_______a_____________________B_i TAD EC — Yes > Tables of Mahogany, Tables of Birdseye Ma- I ADLIO pie, Tables of Oak, Tables large, small, high or low. Tables at $1 or at $20, and all intermediate dollars, and all at more or less discount. ■lon on and nronoriflo - "^ P er cent * s our discount i n this • Ldliuu dill] Uld|Jul department until Christmas Day.and -we have a wonderfully large and handsome stock to select from. rAniCC riCCs/Q Ah! here our stock is more than com- LA-JILu ULulxu plete. Just look in at em on our first floor. Can you please a lady friend more than by buying- one .of. these? OIhCDHADnC — We show 40 styles, all new, and while not uIUIDUAiiUu all ready now, f they will be the first of the week. Oak Boards commencing at' $11.50 and up at every price. I IMDC— Stand Lamps, $1.50, $2.25, $2.50, $3.50, $4, $5 and LA 111 IO $6. Banqael Lamps at $3.75 to $12.50. Piano Lamps, $6 to $20— all subject to our Christmas Discount. "EAQY PAYMCMTQ - These we make -at Christmas time, LAuI JAT 111 L ll lv as at all times, on our well-known plan. We have carried on business under this plan for ten years, being* pioneers in the business. ~ OPEN EVENINGS TILL CHRISTMAS. *v ■■■ v* _r ii _rv Smith & Farwell Company, 409 and 411 Jackson Street. LOCAL LACONICS. " "Chief Garvin Denies," says an evening paper. Analyze it again, son. Chief Garvin does not deny. He simply stales that he has not received any offer ot appointment from Governor-elect Altgeld to the wardenship of Joliet. ' This denial has nothing of the robust character pertaining to Mayor Wright's oft-repeated assertion that his first great detective force had come to stay. Yet the whole- thief-taking outfit was scattered while yet the reporters' ears were tingling with - the reverberation! of the ringing tones in which the "kunnel" deuied the Globe's statements of fact. " t+*t It would not be strange if Mr. Garvin should go back to rule supreme in the stone walled corral which is the institution of Joliet. And in his denial the chief unwit tingly gives the reason. At the time Private Joe Fifer was first elected governor of Illi nois he was distinctively the candidate of the "stalwarts" of the Republican party. No sooner was bis election assured than the hunt for place beTan in hot earnest. No bets were overlooked in the way of official posi tion, and even mild-mannered partisans of the triumphant party who were in office found themselves in danger of removal. . Mr. Garvin, as warden of the prison, had a splendid reputation as a disciplinarian, but his standing with the politicians was not very firm. Besides, he was thought by many to have a natural leaniug to Democracy, being a clever, honest and efficient public servant in the place he had grown into. Many aspirants were soon seeking the lucra tive position Garvin held, and some of the newspapers ranged themselves on the side of the warden as against the politicians. Despite all opposition, however, Fifer named au active, powerful politician for warden of Joliet prison, aud, if the writer remembers correctly, Garvin was again placed as deputy warden, a position he had left when Warden McClaughrey went to a new-idea reform school. - :• • No wonder then, aside from politics, that our chief of police considered Mr. Atgeld would make a better governor than Mr. Fi fer. No wonder, either, that he makes pub lic mention of the fact that he. an office holder under a Republican administration, gave what influence lie possessed to the elec tion of a Democratic governor in a state where he was. In slang parlance, "given the worst of it." Thus fur it is only talk, says j the chief, concerning his appointment to the ; wardenship. What else could it be, thus far, j Mr. Garvin? A disciplinarian of established reputation who is very well pleased with the way things are going on in the police department of St. Paul at present must be easily satisfied. Since "Kunnel" Wright blundered into the mayor's office, he has made from sixty to seventy-live removals and changes in the force, many valuable and well-trained men being uis couragiugly shifted around. Denials aud de capitations have become the , distinguishing marks of Mayor Wright's rule at the city hall. And he goes right along at his own game like a little man, despite the kicks and frowns of the men who have heretofore been the bul warks of the Republican party in Ramsey county. '" And yet Chief Garvin says he is satisfied. lie would not be if he thought he had to stand it long. Another contestant has quit in disgust. Karl Simmon has had a recount of voles cast in the Ninth ward, and, taking counsel of his better sense, has become satisfied the people did not want him as a legislator Mr. Sim mon is large enough and handsome enough to stand a beating at the polls, but is was, no doubt, a bit trailing *to get dumped after building up such elaborate schemes to divide the Democratic strength. When 1 STEINWAYAND^ In ______ESHICKER!NS Dou^ a PIANOS ! Musical GUT For Christmas. Always ac ceptable and appreciated. ACRES _£: of Music Goods of every de scription at our two immense warerooms. All at Special Holiday Prices. 'Our $11.50 MUSIC CABINET •41SABEAVT1. >Kb- MM: BOXE_S jfi^L" _„ — #*■ /c'OS& Wholesale Prices lP Yfc "f TILL XMAS, ) Open Evenings till Christmas. V i.&-BR0.« 148 and 150 E. Third Street, St. Paul. 509 - & 511 NiCDllel _,v., E-inneapol is. PHI RANSOM & NORTON - 99 and 101 East Third St. > FREE FURS! I Monday morning, and for the balance of the N week till Xmas Eve, we will give FUR MUFFS FREE— that is, to the purchaser of a Seal Garment (and our prices on these goods are the lowest of any reliable house in the country), will give the choice of a Seal, Mink or Marten Muff free with garment; value, $12 to $ 8. We will give a Muff to match also with every Mink, Astrakhan or other "fur garment for ladies, excepting, only, Otter Garments, and, as we have but a few Otter Muffs, should the supply give out we will allow price of Muff off of sale price of garment. This is an offer well worth taking advantage of, and is made to stimulate gar ment trade for this week and encourage the buying of Fur Garments for Christmas Gifts — than which none could be better. FURS |_______i §p_3-fe| Ep_-__a ep2___a n FREE! We will give A SEAL CAP FREE with each Fur-Lined Mink, Otter or Beaver Coat r sold. With any other kind of Fur Coat wo will give your choice of either Beaver, Otter or Natural Seal Gauntlet Gloves. Our Men's Coats are fine and marked close. January, February and March are the months here when one needs a heavy coat, and the above offer ought to be' inducement enough to keep us very busy in this department. It means fully a io per cent reduction from a line of goods of first-class qualities already marked at our close prices. f*% Discount Fur Muffs and Boas. We offer our whole stock of elegant Fur Muffs and Boas at above discount for this week, which will enable you to get from us first-class, well-made articles, properly made,; at less prices than the trashy stuff you will find in this line in dry goods stores, which goods are cheap in name only, as they are, with few exceptions, goods that no furrier would buy or sell at any price. We have the finest lot of Choice Bear and Black Marten Sets we ever showed, and taking advantage of this offer you can get elegant Xmas pres ents at very low prices. sleigh *i ROBES 1 .xSM We offer our whole stock of Goat, Dog, Bear, Coon and other fine Robes at EXACT COST. We have no room to properly dis play this fine stock, and you can own one as cheap as we bought made by the dozen. Any one wanting a Robe can find good ones with us from $7.00 to $75.00. This is a bona fide offer and a chance not often had. Ransom _A._srr> — Horton, 99-101 East Third St., St. Paul.